


Feeling Bonely

by hTeDruknenPotaT



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Puns, Child Abuse, Depression, F/M, Family, Friendship, Gen, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, Knock Knock Jokes, Long-Distance Relationship, Omegle, Recovery, Soriel, Suicide mentions, skelebros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-05-02 11:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 301,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5246033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hTeDruknenPotaT/pseuds/hTeDruknenPotaT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sans is a college dropout who works two jobs to pay for his brother's education, struggling with chronic depression.  When he meets a friend on omegle telling knock knock jokes, they become the much needed light in each other's lives.</p><p>"Every funny story has its ups and downs - whether you're cracking puns or cracking bones." ~tumblr user meatwithpotatoes</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Knock-Knock

You should be sleeping right now, not dicking around on omegle.  If your brother caught you at this, he’d probably take your phone away and chuck it across the room.  Nah, he was too nice for that.  He’d give you a talking to about bad life choices.  He’d ask why you decided not to sleep now when you were actually _supposed_ to be sleeping.  Well, you’re kind of asking yourself the same question.

Omegle: Talk to strangers!

What do you wanna talk about?

You skip the topic of interest and dive straight into the chat.

**You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!**

**You:** eyy

 **Stranger:** sup im 19 SweetGirl My kik is : lillian071  
  


Stranger disconects.  Welp, that was exciting.  You move on to the next stranger.

 **Stranger:** asl?  
**You:** dead, skeleton, hell hbu dude  
**Stranger has disconnected**

Clearly this stranger isn’t fucking around.  You tell the next that you’re a pretty eighteen year old girl looking for hard rough sex.  Unfortunately, this stranger is a robot who has an automated message for you.  You realize that you’re probably not going to get an actual person unless you put in an interest.

This is already too much effort.  You can’t troll people when there are no people to troll.  This time, you put in an interest.   _Knock knock jokes._

Surprisingly, omegle finds you a partner who’s also interested in knock knock jokes.

 **You:** knock knock  
**Stranger:** Who is there?

 **You:** dishes

 **Stranger:** Dishes who?

 **You:** dishes a very bad joke  
  


You wait for the stranger to disconnect.  Instead, you get a,

 **Stranger:** XD

in response.  Ah, the good ol' ex dee.  Such a pure emoticon.  You hope the 13 year old who's undoubtedly behind it is as excited and pure as that emoticon is.  
  


**Stranger:** That was amazing, I "LOL"ed so hard!

 **You:** glad i could make your evening.

 **Stranger:** It is my turn!  I have one for you now.

 **You:** lay it on me

 **Stranger:** Knock knock!

 **You:** whos there

 **Stranger:** Old lady!

 **You:** old lady who?

 **Stranger:** Oh!  I did not know you could yodel!!

 

You chuckle to yourself.  You like this stranger already.

 

 **Stranger:** I'm sorry, I suppose that joke is only funny if you say it out loud.

 **You:** nah its ok. i "LOL"ed too

 **Stranger:** I am so glad!

 **Stranger:** Did you actually?  People on the internet can be... liberal with their acronyms.

 **You:** k it was more of a loud wheeze through the nose

 **You:** but some snot came out in case that makes a difference

 **Stranger:** Oh, that's SNOT a problem!  
  


That time, you laugh.  You have to stop yourself so you won't wake Papyrus.  But wow, that was great.  
  


**You:** dude i think im in love with you

 **Stranger:** Oh.  I suppose I'm flattered.

 **You:** marry me

 **Stranger:** LOL?

 **You:** ...

 **Stranger:** Sorry, it's... hard to tell when people are serious.

 **Stranger:** Seeing as recently, a six year old flirted with me.

 **Stranger:** Nevermind that, though.  Knock knock.

 **You:** wait this is a story i wanna hear

 **You:** alright whos there

 **You:** you gonna tell me the story after this joke?

 **Stranger:** Nanna

 **You:** nanna who?

 **Stranger:** Nanna your business!

 **You:** lmao

 **You:** thats your way of telling me to fuck off i guess

 **Stranger:** No, don't be offended!  It isn't a very interesting story, actually.  One of my students accidentally called me "mom," and then... hit on me.

 **You:** kinks develop at an early age

 **Stranger:** Oh dear.  
  


You're becoming interested in this stranger.    
  


**You:** so youre a teacher?

 **Stranger:** Not quite.  Though I've always wanted to be!

 **You:** alright knock knock

 **Stranger:** Who is there?

 **You:** to

 **Stranger:** to who?

 **You:** you mean "to WHOM" are you sure you really wanna be a teacher  


Good one, Sans.  You burned this stranger good.  
  


**Stranger:** I do suppose I just got "owned."

 **Stranger:** There has to be some clever way to exact revenge.

 **Stranger:** That way, you'll remember me forever.

 **You:** course ill remember you this is the best conversation ive had on omegle

 **You:** ever to be honest

 **Stranger:** Are you sure?  Will you remember me in a month?

 **You:** uh i get the feeling this is leading up to something

 **You:** course i will

 **Stranger:** will you remember me in a week?  
  


You're getting nervous.  A good kind of nervous.  Anticipation, that's what it's called.  
  


**You:** yeah

 **Stranger:** Knock knock.

 **You:** whos there?

 **Stranger:** You claimed you would never forget me.  And after you confessed your love to me!

 **You:** shit you got me  
  


Maybe it's a little much to say you're in love already.  But you didn't lie when you said this was the best omegle conversation you've ever had.  You hope the stranger is enjoying this as much as you are.  The bad jokes drag on— on and on late into the night.  You don't notice how many hours have passed until your vision starts swimming.  And, wonder of wonders— here comes the sun.  
  


Oh shit.  
  


You've been at this forever.  
  


And you have work in three hours  
 

 **You:** knock knock

 **Stranger:** Who's there?

 **You:** not me

 **You:** i gotta bounce

 **You:** its getting early

 **Stranger:** You have to go already?  We've only been talking for five hours!

 **You:** its been a delight every minute i swear

 **Stranger:** If you're being completely honest, I can say the same thing myself.

 **Stranger:** To be perfectly sincere, I really did enjoy our conversation!

 **You:** thanks

 **You:** yeah that was fun

 **You:** your sans of humor is almost as bad as mine

 **Stranger:** My what of humor?  If that is a pun I'm afraid I don't understand.

 **You:** uh

 **You:** sorry old habit. you wouldnt get it

 **Stranger:** Nevermind then?

 **You:** yeah. thanks again

 **You:** gnight

 **Stranger:** Good night!  
  


You're reluctant to disconnect.  But clearly, this stranger is one of those polite ones who doesn't like to disconnect first.  So before anyone has a chance to say anything else, you close your eyes and press the escape key.  
  


**You have disconnected.**  
  


You shut off your phone and crawl into bed.  Your limbs ache from sitting in the exact same position for... was it really five hours?  Man, Papyrus was right about you.  
  


If you didn't disconnect first, how long would that have gone on?  Who would have gotten bored first?  Definitely not you, you could have carried on that conversation forever.  The stranger, though... maybe they were just being polite.  They seemed polite enough.  Anyone who used proper grammar over the internet was either polite or a pretentious douchehead.  This stranger seemed pretty genuine.  
  


Your head hurts too much for any more analyzation.  It's time to sleep... through the pounding in your head... this was a terrible idea... worth it, though.  
  


Totally worth it.


	2. Apostraphe Dogs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you can't see the paragraph break symbols, they're little skulls. Shame I can't make them bigger. They're adorable.

Sleep is wasted on the unconscious.  Sleep is beautiful, sleep is perfect, and this is, of course, the best and most peaceful sleep you've ever had.  A loud pounding against your eardrums jars you awake.  At first, you think it's thunder— but no, it's just Papyrus...

"ARE YOU EVEN AWAKE YET?"

"No," you yawn back.

"GET OUT OF BED, LAZYBONES, YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!"

"Yeah... gonna have to... quickly get dressed and... run to work with a piece of anime toast in my..."  You trail off.  He wouldn't have heard that.  Your eyes droop.  Outside of your bed is work, and bosses, and responsibilities... in your bed is the possibility of getting back to sleep...

Yeah....

"SANS!"

"Heh, lazybones..."

"OH, SHUT UP!"

"Coming, bro."

You roll off your mattress and stagger to your feet.  Time to greet the morning.  Thank god you have Papyrus.  He's determined enough to get you out of bed even on the worst of days.  Your brother is a treasure.  What would you do without him?

You shove your phone and your wallet into your sweater pocket and open the door.  Papyrus stands in front of you, frowning.  He raises his eyebrows.  "I'm impressed, Sans!  This has to be a new record."

"Morning, Papyrus."

"And good morning to you!  To congratulate you on getting your butt out of bed so quickly, I, the great master chef Papyrus will make you the breakfast of your choice!  We still have a little time for that!"

"Uhh, damn, I appreciate that, but..."  Shit, shit shit...  "Today, I'm just craving cereal."

Papyrus's face falls.  You feel terrible.  "Maybe another time.  I don't deserve it today."

You pat him on the arm on your way to the kitchen.  Poor Papyrus, on another day, you might take him up on the offer.  When you're feeling a little better.

To put it lightly, his cooking is shit.

And in the state you're in now, you're about to fall over.  Last night was definitely something.  Last night was intense.  All those terrible jokes.  You're gonna need time to recover first.  Maybe a few weeks...  You open a cabinet, swipe for a box of cereal, and miss.  Welp.

"Sans."

What were you doing...?

"Sans, have you changed your clothes since yesterday?"

"Bro..."

"Sans, that is disgusting!  Change your clothes right now!"

"Bro, think of how much money we're saving."

"SANS!"  Papyrus crosses the kitchen in two strides and slams the cabinet shut.  "No breakfast until you get dressed!"

You lie down and curl up on the floor.  "SANS!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"I'm starving," you whisper.  "I'm gonna die, Papyrus.  Spare me."

"Ugh!"

Papyrus steps away from the cabinet.  He looks extremely displeased as you grin at him and grab yourself a bowl of 'O's.  You do love your apostrophe O's in the morning.  Papyrus slams down a carton of milk in front of you.

"If I say it's good for the bones, will you drink it?"

"You sure know the way to my heart...”

You don't eat your cereal with milk.  Cereal is best when it's dry and crunchy and makes your brother cringe with every loud crunch.  Papyrus is big on calcium.  That's why he's taller.  He likes reminding you.  You like reminding him, too.

You and Papyrus get along great.

He announces everything he's going to accomplish today.  You're very proud of him, even if you have no idea what the hell he's saying.  It sort of washes over you.   _Yeah, keep it up, Pap...  I believe in you...._

"So, Sans, what are your goals for the day?"

"Don't get fired," you mumble.

"Real goals!"

"'S a good goal.  Puts milk on the table."

Papyrus huffs in annoyance.  "It's alright to believe in yourself once in awhile."

"Hey, I think I'll do better than last time—"

"When you decided that it would be amusing to put hot dogs on customers' heads if they were carrying too much?"

"The kids loved it."

"Sans, today I want you to begin looking to the future!  Today, I want you to make a resolution!"

"What kinda resolution."

"To never do that again."

"Uhhh...."

Your eyes are closing.  With one last farewell to Papyrus, you go your separate ways.  Papyrus goes to school to fulfil his dreams of becoming a chef.  And you go to open up your hotdog stand.

You still have that job, even after putting hot dogs on kids' heads.  No one's come to shut you down yet.  You get the job done, somehow.  When no one's looking.  A magician never reveals his secrets.

No one wants to become a hotdog vender when they grow up.  Maybe when you're five years old and a teacher asks all the kids to draw their dream job, a couple morons will draw themselves selling hotdogs.  Past the age of five, though, it's easily the most underappreciated job.  You work through all sorts of harsh conditions.  Intense heat to bitter winters.  You're a hero.

☠☠☠

  
"One hotdog, please!"

A little girl stands on her tiptoes.  You lean over the counter and grin at her.  "How many hotdogs?"

"One!"  She holds up one finger.  Then, she digs through her pocket and hands you a couple bills.  Her face shines.

This is why you still love your job.  You hand over a 'dog, but the girl doesn't take it.  "I'm carrying too much!" she protests.

"Your hands are empty, kiddo."

She bends down and picks up a couple sticks off the ground.  "No they're noooot!"

"Looks like you can't hold anymore.  That's a shame."  The girl lifts her head and you place the hotdog down on it.  "Here.  Have fun."

"Thank you, hotdog man!"

She holds out her arms to balance herself as she totters back to her mother's side with the hotdog on her head.  She waves and you wave back at her until her mother gives you a weird look.

What a talented kid.  She's by far your best customer of the day.  The others aren't as cool.  A woman yells at you for putting too much ketchup on her hotdog.  She gets angry at you for smiling.  She thinks it's rude.   _Sorry, lady,_ you think, _this is just my permanent resting face._

You can't tell if it's worse or better than usual because you can barely keep yourself awake.  When your mind starts to drift, you really wish you had saved a copy of that conversation from last night.  No doubt it would have distracted you all day.  You would have read it and reread it until you had it memorized.  What a great waste of time....

You find yourself happily dozing off at your post dreaming about last night.  An angry grunt wakes you up and you serve a pissed off white guy his hotdog.

A couple dozes later and you realize with a start that your shift is over and you'll be late for your next job if you don't book it right now.  You slept through your break.  Which is fine because you use your breaks to sleep anyway.

You eat a hotdog, close up the hotdog stand, and make your way over to Grillby’s.

Grillbz is an old friend of yours who gave you a job out of the goodness of his heart back when you were completely broke.  In return for being his best customer, he let you work second shift as his janitor.  What a great guy.  He owns a nice diner/bar that puts the perfect amount of grease in all its food.  Papyrus complains a lot about the smell you bring home.  He’s not fond of Grillby’s.

Though on a good day, he’ll buy himself a milkshake.

☠☠☠

  
Your second job consists of wiping down tables and cleaning toilets.  You wouldn't have it any other way.  Grillbz rewards you with free food.  Sometimes, your friends will make you take a break so you can sit down and have a drink with them.

Your pal Bunny stumbles in right on cue at around 10pm.  Seems like she's already wasted.  She always comes in wasted, and gets even more wasted.  You all respect her lifestyle.

"Yo, Sansy!" she calls out from her booth.

You put down an empty tray and slide in across from her.  "'Sup, Drunk Bunny?"

Drunk Bunny tells you what's 'sup.  Her hot date ditched her that evening.  She's crushed.  She asks if _you'll_ be her hot date for the evening.  "Sorry, Bun, successful janitor slash hotdog vendor like me... I think I'm out of your league."

Bunny hiccups.  "I know... you're too hot for me....  'S your brother free?"

"Papyrus?"  You snort.  "Nah, you don't wanna date _Papyrus."_

"Tha's kinda mean..."

"He's too nice.  He'd break your heart."

Papyrus's idea of a date is not the same as Drunk Bunny.  She's in it for the sex, and Papyrus... you doubt he knows what a vagina is.  Bunny asks again if you'd consider going on a date with her.  She'd be worth your time.  You decline because, you say, you're not a furry.  She doesn't get it.

"Yknow... cause your name's Bunny..."

"Wha's a furry?"

"Oh man..."

The stranger from last night would get it.  They'd appreciate it.  You'd be making furry puns together by now, probably....

"Sansyyyy~  What's with that goofy look?"

You blink.  "I think they call it... resting bitch face."

"Naahhhh, I know that look!  Tell me, Sansy, tell me the truth!  You had fun last night!"

"Yeah, I did..."

"You musta had some really good sex."

You shake your head.  "Nah, better than that."

"Nuthin's better than sex."

"I met a stranger on omegle who didn't even ask for my ASL."

Bunny frowns at you.  That's not better than sex, she says.  She's a little disgusted.  You're about to launch into the whole story when some more customers walk in and you remember that you have a brother with dreams and a job to do so he can fulfil his dreams.  You say goodnight to Drunk Bunny and clean up.

God you’re so tired....  Hours later Grillby shakes you awake.  You’ve fallen asleep standing at the dishwasher.  Grillyby’s has closed half an hour ago.  You’re free to go now.

You stumble back in a blind daze and somehow make it home.  In the kitchen, you see that Papyrus has left you spaghetti with a little sticky note.  You’re too tired to read it.  You’re too tired to even eat.  The hallway is dark.  Looks like Papyrus has gone to bed early.  This makes it harder to find the door.  You grope for the knob for a while until you find it and collapse onto the mattress.

Luckily, tonight... tonight, you’re exhausted enough that you don’t have to wait out the agonizing hours of the night until sleep claims you.  It welcomes you into its warm, loving, sensual embrace as soon as your face hits the pillow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a shame that Sans and Toriel never got to exchange contact information! Not to worry, she'll be back next chapter. Which is mostly written by now.  
> And no, the little girl Sans is selling hotdogs to is not Frisk.


	3. It Must Be Feta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a good writing day! This one's a cute one, so enjoy~! Very cheesy though, I'll warn you.

After a few days, the novelty of one good omegle conversation drains out.  Your days are too long and tiring to be uplifted by the memory anymore.  Though it warms your heart every day when you come home to see the home-cooked meals Papyrus leaves you.  You kindly dump them outside to feed the annoying dogs that come around.

“HOMEMADE MEALS ARE THE HEALTHIEST,” he writes on his sticky notes.  “I AM HOPING THAT YOU’LL QUIT FILLING YOUR BODY WITH GARBAGE ONCE YOU GET USED TO ENJOYING MY WONDERFUL COOKING!”

Yeah, you know you’ll probably die early from stuffing yourself with crap but Papyrus’s food will only kill you faster.

Overall, you have a terrible week.  It rains all over your hotdog stand, but right as you’re about to close up, it stops.  A cloud floats by vaguely in the shape of a middle finger that flips the sky off for you.  You silently thank the clouds for lifting a finger so you wouldn’t have to.

Grillby’s has been busy lately.  Normally he lets you off the hook sometimes to say a quick hi to your friends.  This week though, he can’t afford to let you take any extra breaks.  When Big Mouth, Ugly, and Bunny, and Red all show up on the same night, you have no choice but to go unclog a toilet.  Duty calls.

“Or should I say, heh... _doody_ calls!”

Four pairs of eyes roll.  “You’re never gonna get a date if you keep spewing shit like that,” Ugly says.

“The only shit _I_ have to deal with is the shit back there.  Gotta bounce guys—”

“Sansy~~”  Drunk Bunny hiccups.  “Sansy, yer never like this!”

“Yeah, man, if anyone knows how to take a break, it’s you!” adds Big Mouth.  “Siddown for five minutes, people can hold it in for that long!”

You catch a glimpse of Grillby wiping a glass from behind the counter.  He doesn’t say anything, but he gives you a _look._  “I think, uh... Grillbz is saying Sans can hang out another time,” says Red.  “‘Zat it, Grillbz?”

Grillbz gives a slight nod.  So you get back to work.

It’s a hard week.  Worst of all, your pet rock finally dies.  You’ve neglected it for too long, and Papyrus, who usually takes care of feeding it, forgot.  He didn’t mean to, but like you, he had a lot on his mind.  It was your fault, he says, since it was your rock and you were responsible for it in the first place.

Yeah, it’s my fault, you say.  You take the full blame.  Papyrus commends you for taking responsibility for your actions, and hopes you’ll take better care of your pets in the future.  You don’t think you will.  You’re not ready to take on caring for a pet ever again.  The guilt is too much.

Papyrus takes care of the funeral ceremony.  You do your part by showing up.  Tears are shed, memories are shared... Papyrus makes some great speeches.  He hugs you for a very long time.  You end the ceremony by burying your pet rock under a pile of rocks.

It’s fun for a while until you go back to work and the sky gets back at you for vicariously flipping it off.  It sends a wind that chills you right to the bones.  Heh, bones... you gotta remember to use that later.  You’ve probably used it thousands of times before, which means it’ll just piss off Papyrus a thousand times more.

☠☠☠

When times get like these, you like to let off steam by trolling people on the internet.  And like the complete tool that you are, you hang out on omegle to outtroll trolls that don’t even exist.

After your fifth robot, you prepare to disconnect.  Then you remember your last success.  In the interest box, you put in “puns,” “jokes,” “bad jokes,” and “knock knock jokes.”  Omegle spends two minutes trying to find someone who shares your interests, but apparently no one on the internet has a sense of humor, so they pair you with a random stranger instead.

The stranger wants to see your tits.

You send him a picture of a couple birds titled, “A pair of great tits.”  The stranger doesn’t get it.  Tits or gtfo, he says.

Maybe another time...  You’re too tired for this shit.  You press escape to disconnect, and accidentally press it twice.  Omegle tries again to hook you up with someone who likes bad jokes.

It succeeds.

**You and the stranger both like knock knock jokes.**

The stranger types before you muster the strength to move your fingers.

 **Stranger:** Knock knock!  
**You:** whos there  
**Stranger:** Dishes.  
**You:** youre right  
**You:** dishes indeed a very bad joke  
**You:** i should know  
**You:** if i told you that joke it must have been just that bad, right?

The stranger pauses for a very long time.  Your heart pounds.  What if... what if it’s not them.  What if everyone with a bad sense of humor knows that joke.

 **Stranger:** That was YOU??  
**You:** knock knock  
**Stranger:** Who is there??  
**You:** old lady  
**Stranger:** !!!!!!!!!!!!  
**You:** i knew it  
**You:** who else would put in knock knock jokes as their common interest?  
**You:** only complete dorks as pathetic as us  
**Stranger:** Must you say such terrible things about yourself? :/  
**Stranger:** As though your terrible sans of humor is the only thing that makes you pathetic!!  
**Stranger:** :D

You can’t type for a whole minute.  You’re shaking too hard from laughter.  Tears are forming.  You really, really can’t believe they’re back.  And they remember.  That means it really was them.  They don’t even get it, and they remember.

 **Stranger:** ...  
**Stranger:** There seems to be a bit of a lag.  
**Stranger:** Please don’t take offense to what I said!  I do not actually think you’re pathetic.  You haven’t given me a chance to get to know you well enough yet!  For all I know, you could be the very opposite of pathetic, or even more pathetic than you claim to be!  
**Stranger:** ....  
**Stranger:** Please do not take me seriously.  
**Stranger:** Are you still there?  
**You:** yeah im just  
**You:** shocked fresh outa puns  
**You:** i cant believe its you  
**You:** out of all the fish in the sea...  
**You:** on this trash website for lonely fucks like us...  
**Stranger:** I am happy to see you, too!  
**Stranger:** How have you been farting?  
**Stranger:** .  
**Stranger:** Shit.  
**Stranger:** That was NOT supposed to happen.  
**Stranger:** HOW HAVE YOU BEEN FARING IS WHAT I MEANT TO SAY.  
**Stranger:** HOW IS LIFE?  
**You:** eh, it kinda stinks  
**Stranger:** >:O  
**You:** its nice sometimes feels good sometimes it hurts a little  
**You:** when i try too hard it comes out as shit  
**Stranger:** :/  
**Stranger:** Well then.  I’m glad to hear nothing’s changed?  
**Stranger:** And that you’re having a great laugh.

You stop snorting for a few seconds so you can type a reply.

 **You:** howre you farting?  
**Stranger:** ...I have very big hands.  
**Stranger:** And I’m on mobile.  Do not judge.  
**You:** pfft you know what they say about big hands  
**You:** means youve got a big  
**Stranger:** DO NOT.  
**You:** heart  
**Stranger:** !!  
**Stranger:** :)  
**Stranger:** Are you a slice of cheese?  Because it is so gouda meet you again!  
**You:** we were feta to meet  
**Stranger:** How nice of you to chat when I was feeling so provolone.  Nothing could be grater!  
**You:** youre even cheesier than i am  
**You:** im just  
**You:** wondering how many cheese lists youve got open in google  
**Stranger:** Oh, at least three.  How else would I choose my words so caerphilly?  
**You:** these are so bad that. were gonna be judged in cheese hell and be edamned for all eternity  
**Stranger:** Cheese hell?  That doesn’t sound too bad.  A little sharp though, don’t you think?  
**You:** well be sent there to mature for a bit  
**Stranger:** Are you implying that I am not acting my age?  
**You:** if youre 6, then you’re definitely acting your age  
**Stranger:** Are you six?  
**You:** take a wild guess bucko  
**Stranger:** My child, what are you doing on such a dangerous site?  You should be more careful browsing the internet!  Go tell your parents to put on some good filters!  
**Stranger:** And while you’re at it, do make sure to brush your teeth and go to sleep on time.  
**Stranger:** Stay in school and do not do drugs.  
**You:** too late my 6 year old ass is already a crackhead  
**Stranger:** Don’t you think it’s a little too early in your life to start cracking such jokes?

You go on to make crack puns.  Horrible, horrible crack puns.  You come to the conclusion that this stranger is a very good person.  Not only because of the way they type, but anyone who loves bad jokes so much....

They’re pure.  You know that for a fact.

This was fate.  Meeting the same stranger twice on omegle— the same _good_ stranger, couldn’t be anything but.  Yet, you still find yourself falling asleep.  You want to keep going, but every time you close your eyes, another few minutes pass.  The stranger grows concerned with your lagging replies.  They ask what time it is.  They think that maybe you should go to bed.  Not that they don’t enjoy talking to you, they say.

You’re fine, you tell them.  You blink, and stop halfway.  You don’t complete the second half of blinking, where you open your eyes after closing them.  Your eyelids are just... more comfortable this way...

☠☠☠

 **Stranger:** ...Are you there?  
**Stranger:** I’ll wait.  
**Stranger:** I heard an amazing pun the other day, and I thought of you.  I wish I had written it down.  I thought you would appreciate it.  
**Stranger:** It had something to do with... perhaps it was dogs?  I cannot remember it, but it had me in stitches.  I received some very odd looks for that.  
**Stranger:** ...  
**Stranger:** . . .  
**Stranger:** In five minutes from now, I’m going to disconnect, alright?  
**Stranger:** The truth is, I should really be sleeping myself.  
**Stranger:** Though I am really glad that I got to run into you again!  
**Stranger:** I hope that when you come back, you’ll see all these messages.  
**Stranger:** You said this was fate.  Forgive me for being rather forward but... I think it was.  In all seriousness.  So if you ever want to talk again, I’ll offer you that option.

_No, no no no, you’re such an ass!_

You rub one eye, squinting at your phone.  When did you fall asleep...?  This poor stranger, out of the goodness of their heart, has waited for you and finally left you their cell phone number.

 **Stranger:** You don’t have to text if you don’t want to.  You do seem like a trustworthy enough person to leave my number with!  
**Stranger:** Well, goodbye for now!  
**Stranger:** Thank you for this.

**Stranger has disconnected.**

In all seriousness, if you really think long and hard about it, how long can two people go on punning until it gets old?  If you add the stranger to your contacts and you wind up getting sick of it...

Ah what the hell.  You put the number in your phone but... the name slot is left blank.  You never asked for a name.  Finally, you put the contact in as “Stranger.”

You'll text later.  If you text now you'll be talking all day and you'll never get anything done.

The day has too many hours.  Halfway into your lunch break, it hits you that this stranger could have easily left you a phone number that will play... the John Cena theme song or something.  You wouldn’t put it past them.  God, you hope that number is a rickroll.  No one’s honestly _that_ naive... To leave a stranger your number on omegle?

They’re either a clever prankster or a sincere and trusting fool.  Either way, they’re hilarious.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the basic outline of where this is gonna go, but a lot of the plot is kind of... blank. I hope I don't hit any walls with this. Just in case, I want to hear feedback! In case anyone has any human AU headcanons, tell me! And I'm talking about headcanons for ALL the characters, including Mettaton, Undyne, Napstablook, and Alphys, because I want them to have some involvement in this story.
> 
> Also, anyone else noticed how close the r and the t are to each other on the keyboard? That bit of conversation was based off of an actual typo I made while writing this.


	4. Skelular Communication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no easy way to write out a texting conversation between two people. I hope I made it easy enough to tell who is talking. (There's no lineskip when the same character's talking. Unfortunately this format doesn't let me indent things. It's a shame, because that's how I had it on the google doc.)

* _knock knock_

 

For a few minutes, you wait.  You were worried you’d get the John Cena theme if you called the stranger, then supposed the stranger never expected you to call in the first place.   _You don’t have to text if you don’t want to,_ they said.  Maybe this was still a prank.  The cruelest prank of all, obviously, would be getting no response.  But who’d gain from that.  Your stranger may act a bit juvenile, but they do have a sense of humor.

They wouldn’t do that to you.

 

* _Who is there?_

 

The beep and brief flash of light from your phone make you nearly jump out of your pants.  Quickly, you type your reply, making up a dumb joke on the spot.

 

_*orange_

_*Orange who?_

_*orange you gonna answer the door_

_*Perhaps I might, if we were not separated by an indefinite amount of space...?  So sorry to leave you out in the cold.  
*Knock knock._

“Heheh...”

_*whos there?_

_*Daisy._

_*daisy who_

_*Daisy me rolling  
*B|_

_*thats rad_

_*B)  
*How nice it is to hear from you!  I didn’t believe I would ever see you again._

_*heh i dont think youve ever seen me before_

_*True...  How awkward.  
*Though how do you know I am not outside your window as we speak?_

_*because im outside bucko_

_*Well then, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just let myself in.  
*My my, what a nice room you have!  Perhaps I will tidy up a bit until you get back._

_*good luck taking care of the self-sustaining tornado of trash  
*if you can clear that out of the way my brother will thank you on bended patella_

_*And may I politely ask, what the fuck is a patella?  
*I hope that did not come across as rude._

_*dont you know basic anatomy?  didnt you say you wanted to be a teacher_

_*...Look._  
*I had in mind perhaps second graders....  
*My ambitions have never pointed me toward anything as harsh as becoming a medical school professor.  
*To answer your unasked question, yes, I just googled what a patella is.  Though I am kicking myself for not figuring it out based on context.  
*You could have easily said “thank you on bended knee,” you know.

_*hey, old habits die hard.  
*you get pretty familiar with patellas after you break yours twice_

_*O_O_

_*what can i say. im a clumsy bastard_

_*I hope you’re alright now!_

_*yep, still in one piece._  
*i dont wanna make you worry. no reason to get into heavy shit. were in this for cheap laughs arent we?  
*while were on the subject why did the skeleton go to the party alone

_*This is not a knock knock joke!  How exciting!  
*Please tell me why the skeleton went to the party alone._

_*he had no body to go with!_

_*LOL  
*Why did the skeleton run up a tree?_

_*dont keep me hanging_

_*A dog was after his bones!_

_*how did the skeletons communicate?_

_*Can I guess?_

_*go ahead_

_*Over the cell-BONE!_

_*i was gonna say telebone but that works_  
*since i guess  
*were just 2 skeletons on our cellbones

 _*My funny bone has not been tickled this hard in a significant amount of time._  
*I have a good one.  
*What did the skeleton say while riding her Harley Davidson motorcycle?  
*”I am BONE to be wild!”  
*B]

 _*siiiiiiiiiick_  
*fuck i think im locked out of my house  
*hang on i gotta find my sKeLeToN kEy

 _*Are you actually trapped outside?_  
*Perhaps you should call your brother.  
*Are you dressed warmly?  
*That is, if it is as cold by you as it is over here.  
*If it is warm you can... ignore me...  
*Are you alright?

 

This stranger has you  giggling into your hand like an anime schoolgirl.  What a pure, kindhearted person.

 

_*yeah mom_

_*_ _ಠ_ ___ _ಠ_

_*geez dont worry im not a six year old tryna get in your pants_

_*_ _ಠ_ _n_ _ಠ_ _  
*Please do not say such disturbing things._

_*heh heh_  
*heh...  
*k i’ll be careful not to cross the line again

_*I respect you for respecting my boundaries._

_*cool  
*one sec_

 

You fumble around in your pockets for your keys.  You pull a few crumbs and fries out of them.  No keys there...  You laugh to yourself.  Your whole day was going so well, why wouldn’t karma catch up?

You search through your pockets again thinking you lost your phone until you look down and see it in your hand.  Quickly and shakily, you call Papyrus.

_Cmon, bro, hurry up..._

“Saaaansss...” Papyrus groans.

You breathe a sigh of relief that puffs into vapor around you.  “Hey, the door’s locked.”

“‘T’s always locked...”

“Can you let me in?”

“Ugh... don’t tell me you misplace your keys!  Sans, I just got into bed!  What are you doing out this late anyway?”

“I got held up by an important person.”

You chuckle.  You can just hear Papyrus frowning over the phone.  He says he’ll be down in a second.  He stomps down wearing his pajamas and a nightcap and grumbles about how you’re never sleeping at the right time.  You pat him on the arm and wish him a very sincere goodnight.  He seems touched.

“I wish you a good night as well!” he says.  “You know, it’s... kind of a shame we don’t see much of each other at night anymore.”

“Yeah, but... like I said earlier, doody calls...”

Papyrus looks mildly concerned.  He looks at you and frowns.  “I swear, the shadows under your eyes are getting darker.  It’s weird since you spend every minute you’re home sleeping!  Have you been having nightmares again?”

Your grin twitches.  It’s been at least a year since you woke him up from a nightmare.  You really wish he’d stop bringing it up.  You tell him no, but even though it’s true, for the time being at least, you just always sound like you’re lying.  Luckily, Papyrus is gullible enough to tell you he’s very happy to hear you’re doing better.  But he’s still curious about your dark circles.

“I’m so lazy I procrastinate sleep.”

“Ah, I get it!” Papyrus exclaims.  “You eat too much before bed!  Sans, if you ate more for breakfast and less for dinner, I know for a fact that would at least...  Well, it might not cure your awful sleep schedule, but it might improve it somewhat!”

“Pap, it’s late...”

“You’re right, we will talk tomorrow!  Perhaps, over breakfast...”  He pauses.  “No, you’re never _truly_ awake in the morning!  It’s quite a shame, we never really get the time to talk anymore.”

Something in your gut wrenches.  Papyrus is right here, but you miss him.  But hey, you’re working to get him through college, right?  Once he’s supporting himself, he’ll be as happy as he ever was.  And you’ll...

You’ll figure out what to do...

Papyrus gives you a quick one-armed hug before dashing back off to bed.  You trudge into your room, fall to your knees, and crawl onto your mattress.  You remember buying this mattress at Goodwill.  You bought it because you overheard someone comment that it had less springs poking out than the others.  You didn’t bother counting.  It’s served you well.  After all, you don’t do much actual sleeping on it.

Suddenly, your pants vibrate.

“Shit—”

You shut up right away because if you shout too loud Papyrus will think something is wrong.  You hurriedly dig out your phone.  You completely forgot about the stranger on the other line.

 

_*Did you make it inside?_

_*yeah sorry my bro saved my ass again  
*and then we had a bit of a heart to heart_

_*How nice!_

_*didnt mean to blow you off i promise  
*same for last night i fell asleep_

_*It’s alright.  You seem like a busy person._  
*Perhaps I should tell you to go to bed now...?  
*Seeing as I tend to keep you up it seems.  
*You don’t have to talk so late at night!  Do not worry about getting back to me.  I understand that you need to take care of yourself.

_*heh, already?  
*its ok ive already got someone looking out for me._

_*It’s not that I don’t think you don’t know how to take care of yourself!  I just don’t want you to worry about me..._

_*thanks uh_  
*kinda awkward that i dont know your name  
*dont even know what to put you as in my contacts i just have you as ‘stranger’

_*Well, I don’t know your name either.  
*I wish you a good night._

_*alright i see_

 

You close your eyes.  The internet is a dangerous and scary place, you know.  It’s not a good idea to give out your information to strangers.  Don’t give your name out on the internet, that’s what every concerned parent says, right?

The stranger likes you, but they want their privacy.  You can respect that.  Everyone’s got their secrets.  You don’t like people getting into your personal shit, so you won’t get into theirs.  That’s alright.  You know how to keep a healthy distance.

It’s not like you and the stranger are planning to get close.  Just mildly chummy, just a bud available for shits and giggles.  They’re both equally important, shits _and_ giggles.  You’ve got plenty of both in your life.

You shrug off your hoodie and type out a quick reply.

 

_*g’night_

 

You love apostrophes.  They go great with everything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this chapter last night but I procrastinated posting it all day because I was feeling nervous for some reason.  
> I promise, this story will have a plot! It'll focus a lot on Sans and Papyrus's relationship, and why Papyrus's dreams are so important to Sans. Toriel will also become more trusting over time. She's new to the wonders of internet friendship.


	5. The Purest Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is by far the longest, and so far it's my favorite! Seriously these two are adorable I love them so much.

Over the next couple weeks, you text Stranger more and more often.  They’re the shy little type that never texts first.  But when you come knocking, they answer immediately within the next thirty seconds.  You text them on your breaks now, and at work when no one’s looking.  They ask you a lot to make sure not to distract yourself too much.

They’re not worth it, they say.

Course you are, you tell them.

The stranger seems pretty timid telling you that it’s not that they think less of themselves, but... they don’t want you wasting all their time just to entertain them.

Every second of time you waste is wasted exactly how you want it, you say.

The stranger thanks you, but still seems a little unsure.  At first you thought they must be a young teenager.  But now the image you have in mind is of a much older person.  Hell, if you’re helping some old grandparent keep from going senile from boredom, you’re even happier with this friendship than you ever were.

If only you had some way of telling them that without sounding sarcastic.  Seems like lately you can’t say anything good without sounding like you don’t mean it.

 

 _*just loosen up a little_  
*i dont bite  
*(winky face)

_*You can easily make a winking face using a semi-colon and an open parenthesis!  
*Like so. ;)_

_*heh... it looks cuter on you_

_* O///O  
*(I believe that face is supposed to be blushing.  In case you couldn’t tell.)_

_*look, some people emote, and some prefer to use words._

_*Well, they do say that a picture is worth a thousand words._

_*i just_  
*alright i have this pal his name is aaron  
*and he uses the winky face after every sentence  
*it kinda  
*drives everyone insane?  
*hes extremely creepy  
*kinda scarred me from emoting ever again.  
*you use them fine though. keep emoting makes the world a happier place

_*:)_

_*ok that smiley always looks creepy even on you_

_*._._

_*you really have an emote for everything dont you?_

_*oh i most certainly do!_  
*That way, even without seeing my face, you can tell exactly how I am feeling.  
*Here I am delighted!  
*:D  
*Here I am mischievous!  
* >:]

 _*And here I am vaguely threatening_  
*( _⊙_ _‿⊙✿_ _)_  
*Why don _’_ _t you try?_ _There must be some neat emoticon that you feel fits you well enough to use without being reminded of your creepy friend..._  
*Er...  
*Aaron.  
*I have a very helpful collection of emoticons saved if you need my help.

 _*there isnt really an emoticon thats_  
*expressive enough for me  
*like i said, they look better on you.  
*based on your emotes i already know exactly what you look like

_*Do you now?  Show me._

_*O:)_

_*...What is that.  
*Do I have a donut on my head...?_

_*..._  
*heheh...  
*yep.  
  
*I think I have one for you.  
*Here, this is my “headcanon.”  
*8)— > (Huge nerd)

_*wow rude_  
*nah this is more me  
* _☠_

_*...Is that a skull?_

_*_ _☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠_ __  
*this is the only emote that really expresses anything im feeling  
*ever  
*it works for everything  
* _☠_ _(delighted)_  
* _☠_ _(mischievous)  
*_ _☠_ _(vaguely threatening)_

_*Why._

_*because  
*_ _☠_ _— > it me_

_*Now that I think about it, I suppose it makes sense, given your fondness for skeleton puns.  
*May I ask why you are so particularly fond of skeleton puns in general?_

_*so youve noticed_

_*I notice everything! >:]_

_*alright since were friends ill tell you the truth  
*its because im a fucking skeleton_

 

Your shift begins right then, and you don’t have time to elaborate further.  Grillby is in such a good mood that he asks you to take a couple minutes off to sit down with your friends.  Several of the regulars have been asking for you.

There’s one that loves to talk about politics.  He wears a leather jacket and sunglasses every day, and he also looks vaguely like a hamster.  So you guys call him Punk Hamster.

“...And if we take in all the refugees,” he rants, pounding his fist on the table, “where are _we_ all supposed to go?  It’s every man for himself in the world if you ask me!”

Bigmouth disagrees.  “That kinda thinking is unamerican.”

Hamster shakes his head.  You lose thread of the conversation and wake up when you find Bunny poking you in the face.  “Sansyy, why’d you keep— *hic* —checking yer phone?  You finally got a girlfriend?”

Stranger hasn’t left any new messages since asking why you love skeletons puns.  You sigh and put your phone away.  “Nah, it’s just Papyrus.  He misses me.”

“Aww... yer brother’s so... so sweet... You sure he’s still single?”

Drunk Bunny’s still upset about her date.  Ugly offers to take her out sometime.  Bunny groans.  Ugly puts his arm around her.  Bunny sighs and leans on his shoulder.  He looks delighted until Bunny says she’s about to puke on him.  You tell Ugly you’ll take him out sometime.

“You... really, Sans?  You mean that?”

“Sure.”  You wink.  “It’s my job to take out the trash, right?”

Ugly starts to cry.  Bigmouth turns away from his argument.  “Aw, don’t worry, bro.  There’s plenty of fish in the sea.”

“Yeah,” says Ugly.  “You’re right.  You’re right, Bigmouth.  I’m gonna literally make out with a fish.”

“Yeah, you _dolphinately cod_ do that.”

You grin.  Drunk Bunny weakly swipes at your face in an attempt to slap you.

Ugly moans about how low his standards have fallen.  Bunny claims she still has some dignity.  You remind her that she asked you out just a couple weeks ago.  She doesn’t deny it.  Everyone else at your table decides that they seriously need to get laid.  They all make a deal that by the next time they’re gathered here, they’ll get into _someone’s_ pants.

“C-cmon, Sansy,” Drunk Bunny mumbles.  “You needa... get out more.  A hot stud like you’s gonna have no trouble gettin’ some action!”

You yawn.  “I’ll pass.  You guys have fun.”

Bigmouth raises his eyebrows.  “You’re really passing up this opportunity?  Not gonna make a lame boner joke?”

“Hey, Bigmouth, using dirty humor to solicit laughs is cheap.  I’m above that.”  You wink, because it’s ironic.

“Eh, go wash a dish,” says Ugly, but he smiles in a well-meaning friendship way.

Sometime while Drunk Bunny mumbles about the amazing sex life she’s going to have, you sneak off while your friends aren’t looking.  You hear their voices.

“Hey, where’d Sans go?”

“Sansyy, come back~”

“Ugh, guys, don’t encourage him!”

They wonder out loud how you manage to disappear without anyone noticing.  Little do they know you’ve told them all the answer before.  While they were all drunk.  No one remembers, but they can’t say you keep any secrets from them.

It’s actually really easy, you can’t believe noone ever discovered the trick before.  All you have to do is—

Suddenly, your phone vibrates and sends a jolt through your body.  You nearly drop the trayful of dirty dishes you’re carrying.  Quickly, you set the dishes down and check.

_*Why did the skeleton want a friend?  
*Because she was feeling BONELY!!_

 

You double over, howling with laughter.  From outside the kitchen, you hear Bigmouth rasp, _“There_ he is!”

☠☠☠

 _*sorry i couldnt get back to you sooner but i just wanted to say thanks_  
*that made my night  
*whered you get that joke? i could find it anywhere

_*I’m so glad you appreciated it!  I made it up myself.  ^u^_

_*you just  
*came up with that?_

_*Yes, I... hoped you’d appreciate it._

_*i love you_

_*You... don’t even know me._

 

Your grin twitches.  This person is... _really_ new to online friendships, you think.  You gotta ease them into it slowly.

 

 _*nah i meant that in like, the most friendly way_  
*dont make that weird  
*that wasnt meant to be weird

_*I see..._

_*picture us running across a beach with a nice sunset in the background_  
*and delivering the most platonic of chest bumps  
*thats the kind of i love you im talking about

_*That might hurt._

_*we’ll make it a kind, gentle chest-boop_

_*As long as what you desire isn’t that p turned upside down!_

_*heheh..._  
*look uh  
*im ace so  
*no worries

_*I’m not worried. :]  
*You are very kind._

 

The compliment hits you right in the chest.  It makes you stagger and you have to catch yourself before you fall and break something.

 

 _*i wish you were here so you could know_  
*how much i laughed  
*that joke was genius i couldntve come up with a better skeleton joke myself

 _*Perhaps if you would give in and emote I would have some clue. ;)_  
*Thank you, though....  
*I had that joke written down for a couple days, but... I put it down and forgot about it.  
*I have a couple more if you want to hear them!

_*you write them down?_

_*Of course!  I put them in a small journal so I won’t forget._  
*I’ve written down some of yours.  
*The dishes one is still my favorite.

 

Holy shit.  There’s someone out there who loves your jokes so much that they write them down in a little notebook.  They send a couple more jokes all of a similar caliber.  Any more about skeletons? you ask.

 

 _*Not for now, no._  
*I’ll keep my ears peeled and my mind open, though!  
*You never answered me when I asked about your fondness for jokes of the... humerus genre.

 _*holy shit_  
*its kinda lame actually  
*last names ‘bones’  
*making skeleton puns is my favorite way to piss off my brother he hates it

_*Wow.  
*He sounds like a terrible person._

 

It takes less than a heartbeat for all your positive feelings for Stranger pop like a balloon.  Yeah, forget all those friendly chest-bumpy feelings, they can go to hell.

 

 _*heh..._  
*you didnt just go there  
*fuck you my brothers the coolest

 _*Oh dear._  
*I’m sorry, I did not mean to anyone...  
*I suppose I should have thought twice before assuming anything.  
*I’m very, very sorry.

 _*hey everyones got a different sense of humor_  
*i respect whatever makes anyone laugh  
*and whatever makes people groan  
*tbh thats my favorite  
*jokes that make people groan  
*but not everyones like that  
*and theyre not terrible

_*I really did not mean that.  Please forgive me.  
*You’re very openminded._

_*heh, im not too pissed_  
*youve never met him guess if the first thing i heard about someone was that they get pissed off at the things i laughed at id think they were terrible too  
*hes great though  
*look at this cool dude  
*tell me this isnt the purest smile you ever did see

 

You search through your phone and find a picture of you and Papyrus struggling to fit in the frame together.  Awkward selfies are the best.  The height difference only makes it more fun.  Papyrus is grinning with one eyebrow raised.  You attach it and send it to Stranger.

 

 _*Ah.  How charming!_  
*He has... a very nice smile.  And fascinating eyes!  
*Forgive my asking, but are those natural or photoshopped?

 _*nooo no youre confused_  
*hes the tall one  
*im the hot one

_*Oh.  I see I was mistaken.  
*You both have lovely smiles. :)_

_*i said that he had the purest smile  
*heh you actually thought i was talking about my own shit eating grin?_

_*Ah, thank you for sharing.  
*Shit-eating? O_O_

_*hey lookit this  
*this was at a costume party_

 

You send Stranger another picture.

 

_*doesnt he look cool?  
*we spent weeks making that costume._

_*Yours or... his?_  
*His, I'm assuming.  
*Seeing as... you're wearing the exact same thing you were wearing in the other picture?  
*Nevermind, don't answer that.  
*What is he dressed up as?

 _*a royal guard_  
*dont ask  
*isnt he cool

_*Very cool.  
*B|_

_*aw man im going through my phone and_  
*he took so many selfies on it  
*he just stole my phone and left all these selfies

 

You send Stranger a picture of Papyrus flexing in front of the mirror.  This is revenge.  There's one of him making weird faces with Undyne but... you decide not to send that one.  She wasn't the one who took your phone.  She doesn't need to be punished.

 

 _*You can tell your brother he has impressive upper body strength._  
*But don't tell him I said it.  
*Tell him yourself.  I am sure he would appreciate it.

 _*hed love it_  
*he wouldnt shut up for a week  
*hed go tell all his friends i think he has impressive upper body strength  
*its pointless. he knows

_*All the more reason you should tell him.  
*A little encouragement from a loved one never hurts, does it?_

_*you never had siblings did you_

_*Only in a certain matter of speaking..._

_*if a brother gives you a compliment its not something to be proud of its scary youre like  
*ok what does he want_

_*I wouldn't say that. >;\_  
*At least not in my experience!  
*At least you know how much you care about him.  And you're not afraid to admit it to other people.  That's... quite heartwarming.  
*But for me, just for me, will you make sure he knows it too?

_*he knows trust me_

_*I'm glad to hear that._

 

On this happy note, you let Stranger know you need to get ready to wind down for the night.  They agree that you need sleep.  Then, you wind up chatting for another hour.  Finally, Stranger begs you to go to sleep.  I am going to stop talking right now, they say.  Right now.

 

_*if i wanna sleep i should keep talking to you  
*nothing puts me to sleep faster than a teacher_

_* >:/  
*GOOD NIGHT, YOU BONEHEAD._

_*night my bonely fellow_

_*Sleep well! :)_

 

You smile at your phone until it goes dark.  The stranger's wishes comes true, and you sleep well that night.

☠☠☠

The next morning, you wake up early enough to catch Papyrus at his daily morning routine.  As he stands shirtless in front of the mirror, you sneak up behind him and tap him on the shoulder.  He shrieks and spins around.

"SANS!  I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE AWAKE!  I AM INDECENT!"

"Hey, Pap, just want you to know..."

"What."

You pause for a very long time.  Finally, you point at him and wink.  "Nice guns."

He looks in the mirror, confused, then back at you.  He nods his own approval.  "Well, I don't know where that came from, but thank you!  You're definitely right!  Now leave so I can continue getting ready for the day and looking my absolute best!"

"You always look your best."

"That's why I have to look better than ever!"

What he means, you know, is that he needs to pee.  You leave him to that.  Maybe there was something to the advice Stranger gave you.  You just made Papyrus's day and now...

You feel really, really good about yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to my headcanon, Sans is ace. Corresponding to canon because... I'm not into the whole magical glowstick thing... Then again, why do we NEED a reason to headcanon characters as asexual? In this AU, both the bonebros are ace.
> 
> As for his mysterious eyecolor, more on that soon! And more on his fondness for skeleton puns, because thanks to my great commenters, there's even more to it than you think!


	6. Pun-Pals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been bad with warnings before, so I'll let y'all know that while Feeling Bonely's been entirely fluffy before, it's about to take a bit of a dark turn. It gets pretty deep into the details of depression and shit.

“It’s because you didn’t drink your milk this morning!”  Papyrus slams a glass down in front of you.  “You _know_ how important it is for you to get your calcium!”

“Yep.  Gotta take care of my Disability[™](http://howconceptual.com/tm-symbol/)....”

“Where would you be if you didn’t have such a great brother looking after you?  If it weren’t for me, you’d be in, well... even worse shape than you are now.”

You sigh, leaning back into a kitchen chair, leaning against an ice pack.  It’s cold, but your back hurts like hell.  You threw it out earlier by bending over too quickly at the sink.  The kinda shit that’s supposed to happen to eighty year olds, but happens to you when you forget to be Careful.  Grillbz, out of the pure, warm goodness of his pure and warm heart, sent you home a couple hours early.  You hadn’t used up any of your vacation days yet, he said.  Maybe you’ve been working too hard.

“Drinking milk now’s not gonna make my back better now.”

“Obviously we can only hope to _prevent_ it from happening again!”

Despite the pain, you smile.  Papyrus thinks of himself as your caretaker.  He’s the responsible big bro who makes you drink your milk and pick up your underwear from off the microwave.  He’s got no idea.  It’s kind of adorable when he gets fussy.  He wants to keep you safe.  He wants to be responsible.

You let him think he’s the one taking care of you.

“I guess you have to expect injuries like these working in the fast food industry.”  Papyrus shudders.  “All that grease... I’m surprised you haven’t slipped and broke your back entirely.  If only you’d kept up with your studies, you wouldn’t have to worry as much!  And _I_ wouldn’t have to worry as much!  Sans, I’ll never understand why you decided to drop out of school.”

You shrug.  “Too hard... Least now I don’t have homework.”

“I _know.”_  Papyrus huffs.  “It’s such a shame!  You were doing so well!  You had such a bright future ahead of you!  Now you come home reeking of hamburgers and Windex!  When you could have come home reeking of science!”

“Uh, what does science smell like?”

“Caffeine and complicated mathematics!”

“Complicated mathematics doesn’t have a smell, bro.”

“Well... _you_ have a smell!  You had a smell back then, and it was _distinctly_ mathematical.  Do you even still know how to add?”

“I can add all the shits I give about this.  They equal zero.”

You laugh.  Papyrus’s mouth twitches.  He almost betrays a smile.  Then it snaps back into a frown.  “Well, at least you’re home at a normal hour.  If I had known you’d be home, I would have cooked something special.”

“How ‘bout we heat something up from the microwave.  Your cooking’s, uh... too good to waste on an easy night.  I need a good reward to keep motivated on the harder days, yknow?”

Luckily, as usual, Papyrus never thinks you’re lying unless you’re telling the truth.  “My cooking’s always a good reward,” he insists.  “Don’t worry that it’ll lose its effect!  As I continue to improve, you will always have something new to look forward to!  Once I master the art of spaghetti, I can move onto linguine!  Lasagna!  Tortellini!  The pasta— I mean, the possibilities are—”  Papyrus pauses and glares at you.  “Don’t.”

“You’re right, the pasta—”

“SANS!”

You can hardly get it out over your own snorting.  “The pastabilities— are endless!”

Papyrus clutches his head and yells about how he did this to himself.  You laugh so hard your back starts to kill again.  Hey, you tell him, just for that I don’t deserve your pasta.  Papyrus refuses your punishment.  It was his fault this time, he admits.  He shoves a plate of spaghetti in front of you.  You start to sweat.  The spaghetti sweats back at you.  You take a bite.  You stay conscious.  You take another bite.  Papyrus stares at you expectantly.

He just watches you, not saying another word, until you finish all the pasta.  He seems happy.  God, you hope he’s happy.  Hey, you say, it’s true that you’ve definitely improved last time!  It’s not a lie.  Last time, you did not manage to stay conscious.  He blamed you for falling asleep at the table.  You apologized.  He forgave you.

Seeing Pap’s smile before going to bed... it makes you almost determined enough to get through the night while your back is still in such awful pain.

☠☠☠

You actually see him these days a lot more than you used to.  It’s nice, even when your taste buds wind up assaulted.  When you were in school, you hardly saw him ever.  You were encouraged to perform as much as you were capable of.  And... according to that person, you were capable of a lot.  He made you push yourself until you quite literally dropped.

This was why you were put in this world, he told you.  Despite your disabilities, you had a tremendous arsenal of talent.  Now put those talents to good use, he told you.  Help me change the world.

Papyrus was put there to keep you happy, but that gift was starting to expire.  You spent so long writing papers and cramming facts into your head that sometimes you forgot he existed.  You took as many classes as you could fit into your schedule.  Sleep was a luxury that could come anywhere.  Beds were unnecessary.  Any surface was ideal if it was vaguely horizontal and not covered completely in spikes.

Papyrus studied, too.  He worked very hard.  What he worked at back then, you never asked.  It doesn’t really matter now.

Those were dark times.  The light of your college years were the nights taking anime breaks with your old partner Alphys.  She had an impressive collection of sci-fi.  While you stayed over at each other’s places working on projects, anime marathons could go on as long as sixty hours with as little as three pee breaks in between.

She’s probably the only person you’ve met with worse eating habits than you.  Her diet consisted nearly entirely of ramen noodles and tears.  Alphys was an ambitious little intern, working for the same boss as you.

Apparently her ambitions payed off.  You’ve heard from the grapevine that she’s gotten her PHD and is doing well now.  By the grapevine, you mean Undyne.  Your brother’s best friend is dating your old science partner.

You’re happy for her.  According to Undyne, the stresses of work get to her a little too often.  So you’re happy you’re not still in that position.  Even though, for Alphys... she’s better off out of the dumps.

She’s better off than when she was literally living in garbage.

He told you that you were much better than she was.  You were smarter, more capable, had more natural talent... No pressure, of course.  Really, you had absolutely no reason to do this for yourself.  The future of humanity didn’t interest you personally.  So once he was gone, you gave up.

It happened in the blink of an eye.  He was gone, along with everything you had.  Apparently he had less to leave you than you and Papyrus thought he did.  With all that impressive gimicky sciency shit, he had to have something, didn’t he?  You guys never wondered where he got it all from.  He buried himself in some deep debt.

Something had gone wrong.   _Really_ wrong.  The blame was split between the three of your team.  Him, Alphys, and you.  And you couldn’t blame a poor intern paralyzed from shock who insisted she was the one who had done everything wrong and she deserved to go back to the dumps.  She had everything to lose.  And so did you.  So you blamed the dead guy, since he was in charge of the whole experiment anyway.

It didn’t really matter who you blamed in the end.  It helped Alphys, since she was able to recover eventually.  As for you, everything you had was stripped away with his disappearance.  The man left you flat broke.

You and Papyrus were both over the age of eighteen by then, so you were left to fend for yourselves.  He was shaken up bad for a while.  He never knew the guy as personally as you did, but he never wanted him to die.  Soon, though, he was so distracted that he barely talked about him at all.

There was no time or money left for college.  You wanted nothing to do with your old life, so Papyrus agreed to change names with you.  You both got jobs and struggled to stay afloat.

Papyrus was better at it than you.  He worked himself, well... he worked himself to the bone every day.  He had no time to grieve.  You worked alongside him, but with your newfound freedom, you realized that... you didn’t have to.

You were free to slack off.  You didn’t want to push yourself ever again.  Papyrus tried his best every day, leaving you to yourself.  He wanted to give you your space at first, since he figured you must be traumatized.  After all, you witnessed the accident yourself.  When it became too much, he begged you to help out.  You tried, but your heart wasn’t in it.

It was hard to get yourself motivated when no one was forcing you.

It took years before you began to hate it.  Was it years, plural?  You’ve lost track of time.  It probably was.  There wasn’t any one specific incident that triggered it.  You just became sick of yourself.  You were sick of seeing Papyrus struggle.  You remembered that, though whatever happened to the old man couldn’t be pinned on you, whatever Papyrus went through was entirely your responsibility.

You knew the whole time.  And it took you years to get off your ass.

You had a few different jobs before Grillbz took you in.  You worked a couple more odd jobs along the way until you saved enough money to open your own hotdog stand.  Then, you decided, you could finally send Papyrus back to college.

He wanted to go to school part time to help you earn a living.  You insisted he quit working and become a full-time student.  You weren’t going back.  You weren’t interested.  You were happy with your hotdog stand, you told him.

Papyrus worked as hard as a student as he ever worked at anything.  He never gives up.  You’re really proud of him.  The old man was wrong about you two.  Papyrus was the one he should have put all his hopes for the future of humanity in.  Even if he couldn’t do simple arithmetic, he wouldn’t have given up until he understood quantum physics.  Even better, in his own scientific ineptitude, he might have killed the man sooner.

☠☠☠

You were hoping that your back would feel better when you woke up, but it doesn’t.  You probably pulled a muscle.  Still, one day of back pain’s the least you can do to make up for several lost years of your brother’s life.  Papyrus doesn’t let you leave until your drink your milk today.  He’s such a great guy.  You don’t deserve him.  You tell him that.

“W-well, I wouldn’t say you don’t _deserve_ a brother as fantastic as me...  If _I_ were you, I wouldn’t put myself down quite so much!  Just because I’m great doesn’t mean you have to think any less of yourself!”

“It’s hard when there’s less of me around you.”  You wink at him.

“Well, vertically, definitely.”

You call him an asshole, even though you appreciate the insult.  You can’t poke fun at yourself enough; it’s great to get a little help from other people sometimes.

You drag all your wasted potential to the hotdog stand, and later, to Grillby’s.  On an impulse, you check your phone for any messages from Stranger.  You got real chummy the other night, but so far, that’s the chummiest you’ve ever been.  Nothing new has happened since then.  You figure you’ve got to be the next person to text, but you don’t really have anything good to say.

You shouldn’t have exhausted all your puns already.  Then maybe you’d have something to talk about.

Maybe that’s why you’ve been feeling kind of run-down lately.  That and your bad back.  Grillby asks how you’re doing.  Just great, you tell him.  He still seems worried.  Perhaps, he suggests, you should take a full day off until your back heals?

You’re fine, you promise.  Even if after a full day of working, you feel like your spine is ready to snap.  You have to stay, you tell yourself, not just for Papyrus, but to find out if any of your friends got laid this week.  A few days pass, and either you miss them, or they just don’t show up.

You wonder if Drunk Bunny has gone sober.  For all you know, Punk Hamster could be wearing pastels by now.  The day that the soreness in your back becomes bearable, you have to stay longer than usual to finish cleaning up.  You’ve been slowing down.

Maybe if you drink an entire carton of milk, you can turn things around?  Nah, it’s too late, you think, putting the thing back in the fridge.  If you’d been less stubborn as a kid maybe you’d be able to physically work at a fast food place.

If you were born able-bodied, this wouldn’t be a problem.  You didn’t know working at fast food was even an option back when you believed that advancing the human race was the only thing you could do with your life.  Who knew you could do anything else, huh?  If you did, you could have helped Papyrus sooner.

Dropping out of college wasn’t a lazy cop-out.  It was the only choice you had.

☠☠☠

“SANS, IT’S MORNING!”

_Ugh..._

“GET UP!”

_What’s the point..._

_Move,_ you tell yourself.   _Put on some socks.  It’s cold outside._  You could barely sleep last night.  You attempt to put on your slippers.  You pause without realizing.  Another loud knock from Papyrus makes you realize you’ve been staring at the wall for five minutes.

You finish putting on your slippers, one foot at a time.   _Cmon, Sans, if putting your slippers on is too hard..._  How are you going to work today....   _Heh, babybones, do you need your brother to put on your shoes for you?_  Maybe.  Maybe you do.

Your energy is spent, and you haven’t made it out the door.

Yet somehow, you do.  You make it out the door, you put the incorrect amount of ketchup on everyone’s hotdogs, and you mop floors and clear tables.  It’s all the same shtick over and over again.  Every day, until you drop dead for good.  If you don’t let life repeat itself, things will take a turn again.  You’ve been through enough turns.  Let things continue like this.  Routine’s better than change.  You can’t handle change right now.

Your week has one highlight.  You perform a magic trick for one of your child customers, pulling his change out of his ear.  Besides for being a mathematical genius, you have the makings of a magician in you.  All your friends can vouch for you.  They know you’re great at disappearing.

You feel your smile starting to sag.  You catch yourself in the reflexion of a store window, and pull at the corners of your mouth until it stretches wider than ever.  You hold that smile until you get home.

The house is dead quiet.  It seems quieter than usual.  It’s gotta be... just your head playing tricks on you...  You look over at the table.  It’s bare.  No spaghetti, or any other type of italian-style pasta.

“Pap?” you call out.  Who are you kidding, he’s probably asleep... he’s gotta be if it’s _this_ quiet... “Papyrus?”

This really isn’t like him.  You’ve gotta stop being so paranoid.  What are you thinking, that he’s dead?  That he got kidnapped?  Why else wouldn’t he leave you pasta?  You can’t move.  You’re afraid to check.

Instead of looking in Papyrus’s room, you check your phone again.  Amazingly, you’ve gotten a text message.  You don’t believe it.  “Guess you couldn’t get enough of me,” you mutter to your phone.  You open it up to see what Stranger has to say today.

It’s from Papyrus.  Your heart sinks.

_*I WILL BE SPENDING THE NIGHT AT UNDYNE’S HOUSE, AS THERE IS A VERY MAJOR AND HARD TEST THAT WE ARE STUDYING FOR!  THERE SHOULD BE PLENTY OF LEFTOVERS IN THE REFRIGERATOR._

Just to make sure, you push open his door.  He’s left the place as neat as it always was.  His bed is made, his action figure collection neatly organized according to levels of sexiness, nothing on the floor....  That’s Papyrus.  Without him, the room is too empty to stand in.  You shut the door and close yourself in your very familiar clutter.

You fall onto your mattress and close your eyes.  Now would be the greatest time to sleep.  You wait to slip away.

What if you hadn’t checked your phone? What if you had seen Papyrus’s room empty without knowing where he was?  You squeeze your eyes tighter.  It’s too late for this shit.  You just want to sleep.

When it becomes obvious that’s not a thing that’s happening anytime soon, you take out your phone and go through old messages.  Papyrus has left you several in the past asking you to please eat your vegetables and clean your room and shower and change your clothing and take out the garbage.  You responded the same thing to every one of them.

_*ok_

There wasn’t much point...  If you ever forgot why you were still doing this, you might just stop moving.  You want to give up.  You’re ready to give up.  Cleaning your room is a waste of time.  Texting Stranger... that’s a waste of time.  You put your phone down and stop hoping for a text.

You want to talk to them so badly.  But there’s nothing to say.

Luckily, you’ve got a backup plan.  You roll off your mattress and dig around underneath until you find a small bottle hidden underneath.  You got a pretty good deal  on your emergency stash.  Just one of these happy little pills, and you’ll be out like a light.  In your eagerness to get the hell out of your own consciousness, you can barely open the bottle.

You tip it open onto your palm.  Nothing comes out.  You peek inside.  Zilch, nil, nothing left....

There goes your temporary suicide.  You drop the bottle  on the floor with the rest of the trash.

Drugging yourself to sleep to sleep has always been easier than finding a permanent way to off yourself.  Eventually you’ll find an easy way to do that.  Once Papyrus is steady on his feet.  Then, you’ll perform your greatest disappearing act yet.  Pap’s gonna be okay without you.  After all, it’s kind of your fault he got stuck behind in the first place.

He’s a resilient guy.  There’s no way he’d assume you’d be dead.  He’d assume you ran off, and he might be angry with you at first, but eventually....  Eventually, he’d forget about you.  Just like he forgot about Gaster.

You grab the sheets from your bed and curl up around them.  They’re already bunched up in a weird, creasy ball.

_Ew, Sans, is that your snot in there?  HOW LAZY ARE YOU, JUST GET A BOX OF TISSUES!  Blowing your nose in your sheets, seriously, that’s disgusting!!_

Your nose leaks out into the sheets as you bury your face into it.  Aw what the hell, Papyrus isn’t home, who are you trying to hide from?  Yourself?  Like you don’t already know you’re a wreck?  Like you don’t already know you’re ripping apart at the seams?

You let out one loud, ugly sob, and can’t help but laugh.  God, you sound like shit.  You laugh and cry into your mess of bedding.  You can’t help having been born crippled and unable to put on your own shoes in the morning, but you could have helped wasting all those years....  

How long does he have until he’s out of school?  You kept track once.  You kept a calendar counting down the weeks until your final vacation.  But keeping up with that was too much effort.  You forgot about it, and hell, that thing is probably somewhere in your self-sustaining tornado of trash by now.

It’s gone, and now you can’t even remember what day of the week it is anymore.

You can’t even lift your wrecked body back onto the mattress.  You bunch up tighter into your sheets, willing time to pass.

_“Mmm watcha saaay~~”_

“Phone...” you mutter, “stop plaguing my life with incidental music...”

You set that ringtone to annoy Papyrus.  But it couldn’t have gone off at a more perfect moment.  You pick it up and squint at the screen through the darkness.

_Call from: Stranger_

“The fuck...?”

You swipe at the screen to answer.  “H-hey.”  You cover the phone and clear your throat.  You don’t need to let Stranger know you’ve been crying.

Your heart pounds as you wait.  It hits you.  You’re gonna find out what their voice sounds like.  Unless they’re prank calling you.  Yeah, that’s probably more likely.  You keep waiting.  Silence drags on.

“Heh, what a douche.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Your heart stops.  It’s a woman’s voice.  The softest and clearest voice you’ve ever heard.  “Wh—”  You swallow.  “What’s up?”

“Oh, is this Mr. Bones?” asks the woman.

“Yeah, it’s me.”   _Mr. Bones?_

“Hello.”  That voice... it’s angelic.  You were expecting Stranger to be at least seventy.  She doesn’t sound that old at all.  “Erm, I’m, well... this is awkward.  I did not mean to call you.  It was the fault of my very large hands.”

“So you butt-dialed me with your fingers.”

“That sounds...”  The woman on the other line chuckles.  Her laugh graces your ears like vanilla nice cream.   _Please,_ you think, _do that again..._  “I guess I really wanted to _ass_ you something!”

“Well, when booty calls... nah, I can’t top that.”

“You can’t tap that either.  Ah...”  She pauses.  “Oh my, I cannot believe we are really doing this.”

“Doing what?” you laugh.  “What we always do?”

You bend down and knock hard against the carpet.  It barely makes a sound.  You tap your knuckles against the wall five times.  You pause.  Over the phone, you hear a soft knocking answering twice.  “Heh... who’s there?” you ask.

Despite being caught off guard, she doesn’t miss a beat.  “Cash.”

“Cash who?”

“Oh, I did not realize you were such a nut.”

“I’m shell-shocked.”

She giggles.  You laugh along with her.  You both laugh hysterically.  It’s true— you never would have dreamed that she was actually laughing when you told all those jokes.  Those emotes weren’t empty.  They were genuine and real, and her laughter was _so much better_ than any emote she could drag out of the depths of emoticon masterposts.

“It is— so lovely to hear your voice after all this time—!” she says in between giggles.

“The pleasure’s mine.”

“But... well, it’s late for you, isn’t it?  I did not mean to call you...”

“It’s fine,” you say.  “Can’t sleep anyway.”

“Good,” she sighs.  “I cannot sleep either.  So... how are you?”

“Uhh... haha... yeah.  How bout you?  What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing much.  Honestly, my life has been... entirely uneventful.  Given what I’ve been able to surmise of your schedule, I can assume that I’m, well, a lot less busy than you.  I noticed that you dodged my question, though.”

“Uh, busy day, not much to talk about....  Same things keep happening over and over.  You’d get bored if I told you all about it.”

“I disagree!  You are not a boring person!”

Your face reddens.  You feel yourself starting to tear up again.  You can’t think of a good way to say thank you, so you laugh, and she laughs, and you both laugh like idiots over the novelty of hearing each other’s voices.  Neither of you feel much like talking about yourselves, so you tell more jokes.  She’s been saving up more.  They’re so terrible they’re genius.

How’s your brother? she asks.  Great, you answer.  You tell her that he’s over at a friend’s house right now.  He has good friends.  She’s happy to hear that.  You feel kinda like a jerk talking about yourself all the time, when all you know about her is that she likes to teach.  What else is she into?  Snails, she answers.  Do not laugh.  Snails are not a joke.  They are fascinating.  She wants to share some exciting snail facts.

“Did you know that snails sometimes flip their digestive systems as they mature?”

You can relate.  She tells you more and you comment that you think you might be a snail.  Why? she asks.  Welp, seems you’ve got a lot in common.  Slow, round, constantly emitting slime, those are the things Papyrus complains about most often.  Who is Papyrus? she asks.  Is that your brother?  Yep, that’s him.

“You are one slippery snail,” she says.  “Why don’t you come out of your shell?”

“I lost my shell one time and became really sluggish,” you tell her.

“You know we’ve been talking for an hour already?  My how—”

“Slime flies!”

She positively howls.  When she’s laughing really hard, she cackles and snorts.  It’s adorable.  She apologizes.  Nothing to apologize for, you say.

You learn that she likes to bake.  Maybe you can help my brother, you say.  He sucks at cooking.  She can perhaps give him some pointers.  Indirectly, since she is too shy to talk to him yet.

You talk for hours about absolutely nothing.  Still, there are barely any lags in conversation at all.  She tells you about various things that she’s interested in.  She makes jokes about them.  You tell her more about Papyrus and send her a few more pictures.  She’s very curious about your eyes.  Are those special contact lenses?  They are very blue.  They’re magic, you tell her.  They can make things float.

After the sun comes up, her laughter begins to die down.  Her replies are slower.  You yawn.  She sighs.  “On a more serious note....”  She sighs again.  “I’m very glad I called.  I know it’s night time but I was still in... a bit of a dark place.  I feel much better now.”

“Really?” you ask.  “Heh, you too?”

“Me too?  Why do you ask, are you alright?”

“Wasn’t feeling as sansational as usual, but...”  You close your eyes.  She doesn’t get it.  “I’m better.”

“I’m glad to hear that.  Sometimes, the mind can wander to unpleasant places...”

“Yeah...”

“I wonder why you didn’t text.”

“No reason to dump that all on you,” you say.  “Sounds like you’ve got your own shit to deal with.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.  If there is any way I could ever help, even just by lending a listening ear, I’d love to return the favor.”

“What favor?” you ask.  “All I do is tell bad jokes.”

“And if anything, my jokes are worse.”

“Man, don’t you have a life?”

 _Shit, what a stupid question..._  “Well.”

“I mean, don’t you have anything better to do?  It’s gotta get old after a while.”

“Would you say it’s gotten old?” she asks.

“Nah.”

“I wouldn’t say sharing a good laugh with a friend ever gets old.  It’s... nice, I promise you.  I mean, I don’t know how often you’re up for it, so...”

“Anytime,” you answer.  “I’ll use any excuse to slack off.”

“Even if it’s third-rate entertainment?”

“Hey, I didn’t say that.  Don’t worry about it.  It’s...”  You yawn again.  “Shiiiit, I just got run over by a—”

“YOU WHAT?”

“A Honda ‘cuz I’m... two _tired_ to keep going!”

“Alright,” she laughs.  “I see.  Goodnight, Mr. Bones.”

You cringe.  “Uh, you can stop that.  It’s kind of awkward.  The name’s Sans.”

“Oh.  I feel like... you’ve told me that before.  Of course.”

“You can take everything I say as subtle foreshadowing.”

“Right.  Anyway...”  The voice pauses.  “Well, now that we’ve heard each other’s voices, I see no reason to keep trivial secrets anymore.  What difference does it make anyway...”  She pauses again.  “My name is Toriel.”

“Uhh...”   _Toriel..._  “How do you spell that?”

She spells it.  It’s spelled... exactly how it’s pronounced.  You let her know that you changed her name in your contacts from “Stranger” to “Toriel.”

“Even knowing your name,” Toriel says, “I do not know if I am willing to change my contact.”

“Why?  Is ‘Mr. Bones’ just that funny?”

“No, my contact name for you was funnier!” says Toriel.  “I had you as ‘Pun-Pal.’”

“Oh god...”  You’re exhausted, but you laugh again.  “That’s amazing, Toriel!  Don’t know why I never thought of that.”

“Because you are not nearly as clever as me.”

“It’s perfect.  I’d do that too, but—”  If you were texting, you’d go ahead and pull a winky emote.  Good thing you’re not texting.  “I like your name better.”

“Oh...”  Toriel clears her throat.  “Thank you.  I’m flattered.  You really are too nice.  You’re, um... sanstastic?”

This time, it’s your turn to tell her.  “Haha... go to sleep.”

“Right.  I, erm, hope you feel better soon.”

“I already do.”

“I do, too.”

“This was nice.”

“Yes.  We should call each other again.  Next time one of us is feeling bonely...”

You chuckle.  Toriel laughs hesitantly.  Maybe she doesn’t appreciate her own humor enough.  But to you, it’s funny every time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BACKSTORY SURE IS FUN, AIN'T IT? I have a couple people to credit: first off, my commenter Blaer for basically inspiring a great chunk of the story with their amazing suggestion of Sans being born with osteogenesis imperfecta! There will be much more on that later. For now, Sans and Papyrus's backstory is left a little vague, but it plays with some of the Gaster headcanons I've seen around tumblr. Highly inspired by the works of tumblr user Zarla-s.
> 
> Also BIIIG thanks to tumblr user meatwithpotatoes for several of the puns in this chapter! Honestly, I suck at coming up with puns.
> 
> I'm really excited about where this fic is gonna go now that I've begun to delve into the story! There will be fluffy moments between Sans and Toriel no matter how dark things get, that's a given.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a chill and fluffy chapter to make up for the last one.

_*torielllllll_

_*Yes?_

_*tooorieeeellll_

_*Sans._

_*tOrIeLLLL_

_*Saaaaans...?_

_*toriel i cant do this_

_*Can’t do what?_

_*i dont know how_  
_*i need help_  
 _*one of you isnt enough_  
 _*i need TWOtoriels!!_  
 _*(finger guns)_

_*Sans, you have been at this all day._

_*youre just jealous because yours arent as good_

_*You have touched a very sore spot._  
_*You see, before you knocked your way into my life..._  
 _*It was I who told the greatest puns._  
 _*I guarded the Pun Kingdom with a soft, gentle rule._  
 _*I see now that the best option for my subjects is to hand the crown down to you._  
 _*It’s difficult though, since I find that I’m still rather..._

_*oh man_

_*TerriTORIEL!!_  
_*Go ahead and beat that._  
 _*Or are you too spineless to try?_

_*stop it im sansitive_

 

“Saaaansyy~!”

 

_*No, I think you’re just too much of a numbskull!_

 

“Heheh...”

 

_*you kidding me im the chosans one_

 

“Yo, earth to Sansy~!”

A hand waves in front of your face.  You duck underneath it.  

 

_*That is nonsans.  Everyone knows the chosen one cannot be from this planet.  
*They must be an extraterriTORIEL._

_*cmon be sansible_

 

“Who’re you texting?”

Someone snatches your phone out of your hands.  You blink at the sight of a world around you.  “Who’ve you been—”  Bigmouth taps at your screen.  “Sans, what’s your password?”

“Just try, Bigmouth,” you say.  “Guess my password and you can have my phone.”

“It’s Papyrus’s birthday!” shouts Red.

Frantically, you snatch at your phone, but Bigmouth holds it out of your reach.  “Ha!  Alright guys, who knows what his brother’s birthday is?”

No one knows.  They’re all a little ashamed of not knowing, so Bigmouth gives you your phone back.  “Put that awaaaay,” Drunk Bunny whines.  “Cmon, we haven’t seen you in— _hic_ — ages!”

You quickly text Toriel that you’ll get back to her soon.  “Alright, gang,” you say, sitting back in Bunny’s booth.  The others come around to join you.  “Tell me all about the crazy week you all had.”

No one responds with enthusiastic cheers.  They sorta munch at their food and sip at their drinks, waiting for someone else to talk.  “No one?” you ask.

“I asked out twenty three people,” says Ugly.  “I got politely rejected by ten, punched in the face by six, and uh... how many’s left?”

“Like, uhh... twelve?” supplies Bigmouth.  Red shrugs.  Bunny comments that knowing Ugly, it was definitely more than twelve.  “Sans, what’s uhh... twenty three minus... shit, what was it?”

“It’s a very complicated equation,” you tell them wisely.  “Let’s say you have twenty three bottles of ketchup—”

“Ooookay, nevermind.  How’d the others go, Ugly?”

Ugly sighs.  “The last one was a goldfish.  I quit at the freaking goldfish.  I figured, if a hot fish isn’t gonna go out with me, how could I sink lower?”

“Didn’t you say you’d go out with Sans?” asks Red.

You wink.  Ugly groans.  “Sansy, I’d go out with you~!” Bunny hiccups.

“Ask me again when you’re sober and see how you feel.”

Bigmouth puts his arm around you.  “Buddy, I’d go out with you, too.”

“Fuck it, if none of us can get laid, we should all partner up,” Ugly suggests.  “I call Red.”

“I call Red too,” says Red.

“I CALL SANS!” calls Drunk Bunny.  She smiles hazily at you.  “LET’S GET WASTED TOGETHER!  RIGHT— *hic* —NOW.”

“Can we call it a threesome?” asks Bigmouth.  “With you two, just so I wouldn’t have to be the awkward one—”

“Low blow, Biggy.”

Besides for Ugly and Red, all your friends decide you’re the most bangable in the place.  You’re flattered.  “I call Grillby,” you add.

“HEAR THAT, GRILLBZ?” Red calls.  You look over at Grillbz and offer a wink.  Grillby blushes deeply.

“Why Grillby?” asks Bigmouth.

“He’s just... so hot.”

Your friends have all heard this before.  Unlike Red, Grillby is a natural redhead who has to suffer through all your jokes about him being hotheaded and the like, despite him being a pretty mild dude.  It’d be a lie though to say you actually want to bang Grillbz.  Your lack of sexual experience is something of a secret.  You’d rather your friends think of you as a player.  It fits your image better.

Your gang enviously watches a couple making out in the next booth.  They’re another couple of Grillby’s regulars; a married policeman and policewoman who spend all their time not working cuddling and kissing.  Bunny sighs.  “Wish I had that kinda puppy love with someone...”

The two officers withdraw with a sound like a toilet plunger being removed from a clogged drain.  They’re friends with your gang too, but being the only known Grillby’s regulars who’ve gotten laid has set them somewhat apart from the rest of you.

“So what’d we say ‘bout partnering— _hic_ — up?” asks Bunny.  “Sansyyy~?”

“Yeah, what about that?” Ugly asks Red.

“How bout,” you tell Bunny and Big, “you try me on my next day off.”

“Wait we’re not...”  Bigmouth looks around.  “We’re not serious about this, right guys?  This _is_ a joke?”

“It’s whatever you want it to be,” Red supplies.

Bunny sobs that you’re all just a big joke.  Overall, it’s a great day.  Red has to remind you (on Grillby’s behalf) that your break is over, and it’s hard to pull yourself away from your friends.  Red usually speaks up for him, though she’s admitted that most of the time, she’s only guessing at what he’s thinking.  Though it seems like she’s usually right.  Grillbz never complains.

The guy hardly ever complains.  You all love him.  As soon as you’re alone, you check your phone for texts from Toriel.  Your heart sinks when you see that she hasn’t replied since you told her you needed to go.  You feel like striking the conversation back up again, but she makes things kind of... awkward.  Where do you even pick up now?  Now that Toriel is a confirmed living, breathing person, how much of an asshole are you allowed to be?  It seems, just the tiniest bit, like the rules might have changed.

Not that you’re disappointed.  You’re dying to hear her voice again.

But you have to play it cool.  Wait for the proper cues, and then call her.

☠☠☠

Omegle: Talk to strangers!

What do you wanna talk about?

 _Puns_ is a common interest.  Nice job, Omegle.

**You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!**

**You:** hi

 **Stranger:** Small vietnamese children make the best workers.

 **You:** knock knock

 **Stranger:** Whos there

 **You:** not me motherfucker

**You have disconnected.**

Who the hell are you kidding.  You’re not desperate for another internet friend, you already have the best one you could ask for.  Throwing social cues to the winds, you go ahead and tell Toriel about the assholes on Omegle.  Toriel responds quickly.

_*I hate them._

_*i know right_

_*I would like to get my abnormally large hands on their necks._

_*damn thats a lil intense_

_*So is wishing to enslave minorities.  
*I absolutely detest people like them._

_*p sure they were just fucking around._

_*As if that is any excuse to make racist remarks.  
*It isn’t funny._

_*you sound really pissed_

_*Are you not?_

_*idk i just let them go and try to forget about them_   
_*trolling them doesnt really do anything_   
_*its still fun but_   
_*i mean its not gonna get them to change_

_*It’s better than doing nothing.  
*They’re disgusting._

_*whoa look im sure they didnt really mean it_

_*Who cares?  As though there aren’t Vietnamese children being abused around the world!  Child labor is never a topic that people should make light of!  It’s a terrible problem!_

_*heyyy maybe you should do something_

_*I will._  
_*I donate as often as I can to causes that aid children in abusive situations._  
 _*I wish there was more I could do, but I help out in every way that I can._

 _*wow_  
_*thats pretty impressive_  
 _*hey, i think youre a pretty cool person._

_*O///O  
*I think you are, too, Sans!_

_*heh, im not like you._  
_*if i hate people, i just complain about them._  
 _*and kinda just_  
 _*wait for them to drop dead_

 _*Vengeance is, more often than not... not the best option._  
_*The only way to defeat the evil in this world is to remove yourself from it, and perform acts of kindness to repel it._  
 _*There is, unfortunately, much evil in the world._  
 _*Making it rather difficult to avoid it completely._  
 _*It can appear anywhere._

_*something tells me  
*you speak from experience?_

_*Call me bitter if you will.  
*But I absolutely cannot stand anyone who would show cruelty to children._

_*writing this down so i know how to stay on your good side_

_*...I do hope appeasing to me is not the only reason you would be kind to children._

_*heyyy what kind of asshole do you think i am_

_*I do not think you are an asshole.  
*I just think that other people are horrible and I cannot believe I am forced to share oxygen with them._

_*...  
*you okay?_

_*Yes._  
_*Are you...?_  
 _*You said yesterday that you were not in the best of places._  
 _*Have things picked up at all?_

 _*yeah_  
_*today was pretty great_  
 _*all my friends promised to get laid this week. no one did. they bitched about it. we had fun_

_*That sounds... wonderful._

 

You wind up rambling to Toriel about your job and your friends.  Toriel is sympathetic.  Working in the fast food industry sounds very stressful, she says.  You’ve told her about all the Grillby’s regulars before you remember that she wasn’t having a great time either, and you didn’t even bother to ask how she was doing.

 

 _*uhh_  
_*i feel kinda bad for talking about myself for this long_  
 _*you werent doing so hot either_  
 _*howre you feeling?_

_*I’m alright.  Thank you for asking.  
*Don’t feel bad.  I enjoy hearing about your life.  It is so different than mine!_

_*ok cool  
*so tori, what do you do?_

_*What do I... do?  
*...Tori?_

_*we are definitely on nickname levels of friendship by now_

_*Of course.  I just... cannot think of a nickname for you.  
*I will figure one out._

_*my friends call me sans_

_*Thank you, Sans._  
_*Um, what do I do..._  
 _*Not much, really._  
 _*I tend to a house._  
 _*It is a very old house.  The owners use it as a vacation home.  I housekeep and tend to the gardens.  I feed the animals.  It is not too exciting, but it is a lovely place._

_*any neighbors?_

_*Not for miles._

_*ah_  
_*i get it now_  
 _*why youre bonely enough to talk to me all the time_

 _*Sans._  
_*I talk to you because I ENJOY it._  
 _*Do you understand me?_

_*yes mom_

_* >:/_

_*yes maam_

_*:/_

_*yes motherfucker_

_*:)  
*That is a term of utmost endearment, am I correct?_

_*nah “bro” is  
*but thats reserved for someone special_

_*I understand.  
*Family is important._

_*yeah_

_*I am sure your brother feels very lucky to have you._

_*heh...  
*idk about that_

_*Why wouldn’t he?_

_*probably because of all the passive aggressive sticky notes  
*tbh..._

 

You pause for a while.  How personal are you willing to get?  You type out a message and delete it before sending.  You should really stop unloading on Toriel.  She’s a living person, not a dumping grounds for all your issues...

 

_*Hm?_

_*nevermind_

 

You tell Toriel that it’s late.  Toriel apologizes again for keeping you up.  She asks you before leaving, perhaps we should talk again?  Thought we were already doing that, you write.  I meant voice-to-voice, Toriel says.  After all, it is much easier than texting.  The only reason she would _really_ like to call is because her fingers make it hard to text, she insists.  And alright, maybe it’s fun.

 

 _*heh_  
_*like i said i dont bite_  
 _*dont expect me to not wimp out though its_  
 _*hard to know when doing something as ballsy as calling is ok?_

_*Oh, Sans, please don’t be like that.  You know I am constantly counting on you to make the first move._

_*are you saying i wear the pants in this relationship_

_*No._

_*ok_

_*It’s alright.  I do not wear pants myself._

_*so i do wear the pants_

_*...in a completely literal sense, you do indeed wear pants in this relationship._  
_*But are they THE pants?_  
 _*What is so special about these pants anyway?_

_*idk to be perfectly honest i wear shorts does that count_

_*No.  I am afraid you do not wear the pants after all._

_*ok_

_*...It seems as though we’re both cowards.  Let us both admit it is true._

_*it is true  
*whatre we gonna do about it huh_

_*We will agree to be honest with each other.  
*There is nothing shameful in contacting one another for the sole reason of wanting to talk.  Just... let us get that out there._

_*be honest? idk if thats a promise i can keep_

_*Well, that doesn’t mean we have to completely spill our guts to each other..._  
*Nevermind.  
*It was a silly thing to ask.

_*...admit were both bored sacks of shit with nothing better to do is what were saying_

_*If that is how you want to put it?_

 

So she’s more scared than you are...  Yeah, you already knew that.  Guess it’ll be easier to be brave knowing you have something to prove.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sans and Toriel tell each other puns about their names because they're so excited to finally learn them. They're at THAT stage of internet friendship. Also at the stage where you have to politely ask if you can call instead of texting memes at 2am with no context.
> 
> I wonder if anyone is as fond of the Grillby's regulars as I am. Especially that bunny.
> 
> THIS SEEMS LIKE A GREAT TIME TO ASK FOR MORE HUMAN AU HEADCANONS. I wanna hear your headcanons about EVERYONE, but especially Asgore. He's a difficult character to translate into a human setting.
> 
> Oh and another special thanks to meatwithpotatoes on tumblr! For the puns and omegle inspiration. Memelord, you have been a tremendous help.


	8. Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was... quite a week. So much drama. Sleep was lost. Tears were shed. To compensate for the wait, this chapter is 20 freaking pages long.

It’s that kid again.  You thought they were finally gone until they showed up again a couple weeks ago.  They stalk around your hotdog stand, not really buying anything, watching you blankly.  You watch them back.  You ask if they want anything.  Hotdog?  Hotcat?  Plain ketchup?  The kid never says anything.  There’s nothing on their face.  Absolutely nothing.

That kid really creeps you out.

Eventually, they just leave without buying anything.  It’s not that they’ve done anything bad.  As far as you know.  But that kid... every time you see them, nothing good ever happens.  They’re like a bad omen.  People call _you_ creepy, but in your opinion, a kid that shows no expression at all is even worse than you.

You try to put the kid out of your mind for the rest of the day, but trying not to think about them is like trying not to think about elephants when people tell you not think about elephants.  But, hey, they didn’t do anything to you, so you...

You just...

Leave them alone...

You feel a chill on your back that doesn’t leave.  It isn’t because of the weather.  You know that kid isn’t going to leave you alone until you manage to forget about them for the time being.

You have a theory.  You think they’re a ghost or something.  Maybe a figure from your past.  A different past from a different lifetime.  You probably did something nasty, something that fucked up their spirit.  And now they won’t stop hanging around you until they get what they want.  You kind of want to ask other people if they can see them.

You’ll stay on your phone tonight.  You’ll joke around with Toriel until the sun comes up.  Then you won’t fall asleep.  It sounds like a good plan until you trudge home and realize... that isn’t going to work.  Screw that kid, you can’t keep letting them get to you.

Papyrus is in his room.  He’s probably asleep.  Just for good measure, you slowly creak his door open.  He groans, and you quickly shut the door.  “Sorry, Pap,” you call.

He groans something else that sounds vaguely like words.  You tiptoe into your room and watch a couple videos about fluffy bunnies to lull yourself into a good mood.  You think you see one of them take a shit on the ground.  That definitely puts you in a good mood.  Your eyelids droop.

Papyrus loves bunnies...

He’d hate it if you pointed out the pooping part... He’d think you were ruining a perfectly good fluffy bunny video...

Toriel, though...

She’d appreciate it...

You think...

☠☠☠

You feel light.  Light as the snow floating all around you.  You know this place.  Is this where you live...?  Your vision is blurred, until it snaps into focus and you notice a distant shape up ahead.  You move closer and notice Papyrus is there...  Everything is white except for a flash of red, and next to it... blue and pink.  A cape flapping in the breeze, and a striped shirt.

He’s not alone.

A small person is standing next to him... They seem to be having a conversation...  The person pulls out a knife. A glare reflects off of it, almost blinding you. Everything is white for a moment.  Your vision returns.  In a flash, the blade slashes through Papyrus’s neck.

His head rolls off and lands in the snow.

Your body is paralyzed.  You watch as Papyrus’s body falls limply to his knees.  His head rolls and falls to the soft snow.  Panic courses through you, coming out as a silent scream through your frozen lungs.  

There was no blood. Only more white. A white smoke-like substance is floating up from his body, and suddenly you can make out a head on his body again. You’re relieved for a second— he’s alive— His body lumbers toward you.  From his neck, a dark, goopy substance emerges.

The head isn’t your brother’s.  It bulges out until it forms something resembling a face.  A familiar face.  Eyeless sockets, misshapen and melting down into his mouth.  Like two prominent scars.  It grins.

It’s standing in front of you.  It’s standing over you.  Hands reach out to touch you.  A wheeze emanates from inside of it.  Now, the white around you is black.  The figure is the only thing in front of you.  That’s when it speaks.  That ghastly voice, more deadpan than you remember, but alive nonetheless.

_DARK DARKER YET DARKER, THE DARKNESS KEEPS GROWING, THE SHADOWS CUTTING DEEPER, PHOTON READINGS NEGATIVE, THIS NEXT EXPERIMENT SEEMS, VERY, VERY, INTERESTING_

_..._

_WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK?_

In the black snow behind you, you hear a woman’s familiar scream.

☠☠☠

_Alphys...!_

You see his dead eyes boring into yours until several blinks later.  It takes minutes of deep breaths to remember that none of this was real...  You’d seen it all before...  You’ve been through this before...  Papyrus is fine, just like he always is.

He’s fine....

But that kid....

Where did they go?

You creak open Papyrus’s door more quietly this time, tiptoeing lighter.  You hear his snoring.  You close his door, smiling to yourself.  He’s fine.  Course he is, Papyrus is always fine.

God, you’re such a nervous wreck....

You walk back into your bedroom and notice a dim light shining through the window.   _What time is it...?_  You check your phone.  6am.  Welp.  At least you got a somewhat decent amount of sleep....

It was fake.  God, you know it was fake.  Still, you thought you’d nearly forgotten what his face looked like by now.  That scar running down his face.  Those tired, droopy eyes.  That crooked smile.  Hell, with a face like that... sometimes, other people thought you were actually related.

You know the drill.  Don’t brood on it or you’ll remember every detail.  You reach for your phone.  You stop halfway.  Your arm refuses to reach any further.  You urge it onward and grab it.  Your hand is shaking.  You can’t hold it.

You take a second to catch your breath.  Calm the fuck down.  You lie on your mattress, pick up your phone and light up the screen.  Forget about what you just saw.

 

_*hey toriel_

 

Forget this, she doesn’t need you.

 

_*you awake?_

 

You’re done waking up Papyrus in the middle of the night to whine to him about your night terrors.  There’s no reason for _both_ of you to lose sleep over this.  So now you’re just going to pester someone else.  Yeah.  Toriel signed up for this shit with all her “let’s be honest with each other” crap...

 

_*Barely.  
*What is it?  Are you alright?_

_*idk i just  
*thought youd find this funny_

 

You send her the link to the video of the fluffy bunnies taking a dump in front of the camera.

 

_*How adorable!_   
_*..._   
_*Sans, did you notice the smaller one pooping?_

_*hell yeah i noticed the smaller one pooping_

_*Oh my gosh.  Why can I not stop laughing._   
_*Sans, I am quite actually five years old._   
_*It seems so cute.  And then you see the colossal poop that comes out of its butt._   
_*I am supposed to be an adult._

_*that poops like half the rabbits size_

_*That should not be possible._   
_*OH MY GOSH, IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY, IT LOOKS AS THOUGH THE OTHER RABBIT IS MAKING A FACE AT IT!!_

 

It probably wasn’t as funny the first time, but you can just imagine Toriel’s laughter.  That makes it hilarious. You hide your face in your sheets to laugh so you won’t wake up Papyrus, getting even more tears in them.

 

_*Off topic, but have you ever seen a seahorse giving birth?_

_*probably lmao  
*it looks like its vomiting babies_

_*Darn!  I was hoping to surprise you!_  
_*If childbirth is painful as a woman, I cannot imagine what it is like to be a male seahorse._  
 _*It certainly does make one put their own experiences into perspective._

_*glad im not a fucking seahorse  
*hey, no matter how bad things get, ill never be a seahorse.  thats something to celebrate_

_*...I feel the need to ask again, are you alright?_   
_*It is rather early to be awake, is it not?_   
_*Have you slept at all, or have you been spending your entire night watching seahorse pornography?_

_*hey i could ask the same thing about you_   
_*seems like were in the same timezone_   
_*or similar timezones_   
_*do you ever sleep?_

_*Yes, but my sleep pattern is a little irregular.  Normally at this time I go outside for a walk while it is still quiet._   
_*I would describe my day, but I would only put myself to sleep._   
_*I would much rather hear about yours._   
_*Your unfortunate virgin friends._   
_*That funny Ms. Rabbit or whatever her name is..._

_*drunk bunny_   
_*i think its uh_   
_*short for bernice?_

_*Bernice.  I would like to meet her.  She sounds very entertaining._

_*hey id love to tell you more stories but  
*i think i should probably get a couple more hours of shuteye while i still can_

_*Oh.  I see.  Of course._

_*thanks though_

_*For what?_

_*laughing with me at 6am over a pooping bunny_

_*Any time. :)  
*Sleep well!_

 

She’s so pure.  Through her emoticons, you can hear her smile.  Soon you’ll reach the point where you can call her and hear her voice again.  Maybe you’ll start doing it often.  For some reason, all your stupid jokes are a thousand times funnier when she’s laughing at them with you.

☠☠☠

You don’t sleep.  You don’t even bother trying anymore.  Not at night, at least.  You sleep through your breaks, when the sun is out and there are people all around to remind you that you’re still in the world of the living.  Your friends ask you to sit down with them.  Ugly got a reaction from someone that might have been a maybe.  You tell them you’d love to hear all about it, but you’ve... got a lot on your plate.  On everyone’s plates.  These diners are total slobs.  You curl up in a corner to enjoy a short nap.  You wake up half an hour later to a light tap on the shoulder from Grillby.

You blink.  “I went overtime, didn’t I...” you mumble.

Grillby recommends you mop the floors before you sleep on them.  It’s probably not the best of places to nap.  Seems like he doesn’t mind.  You tell him his hair looks nice and you ask if he did anything new with it.  He leaves you without another word.  What a great guy.  It’s an honor to work as his employee, you thank the gods of the Multiverse every day for that wonderful hothead.

A few days later he brings up the subject again.  Maybe you should take a day off, he says.  Just one day.   _Not this again,_ you think.  You smile through it and tell him you’ll try harder to get the job done.  You get it done just fine, he says.  But is it making your health suffer?  You seem more tired than usual.

You swear to him that it’s just the weather.  You’re doing great.  You’re awesome.  He’s awesome.

Nights are the hardest.  If you keep texting Toriel every night, she’ll guess that something is up.  So you leave her alone.  That woman could use some sleep herself.  Instead, at night, you go over old conversations.  Her old jokes are like a lullaby.  Some intrusive thought wonders what it might sound like if Toriel actually sang a sweet, soft lullaby.   _No,_ you tell the thought.   _That kind of thinking’s plain sinful._

Toriel wonders how your friends are doing.   _idk,_ you tell her.   _havent talked to them in a while_

 

_*That’s a shame.  
*Well, I am sure they are thinking of you!_

_*yeah they keep asking to hang out_  
_*seems kinda risky to treat them_  
 _*ill sit down with them and never leave_  
 _*ill just get distracted_

_*Friends are more than just a distraction!_

_*lmao isnt everything a distraction_

_*Everything?_

_*everything good at least_   
_*good food_   
_*good friends_   
_*..._   
_*i mean, yeah thats gotta sound awful_

_*That is pretty awful._   
_*It is as though you are saying that life is meant to be painful by default._   
_*And the good parts of life are there only to serve as a distraction to the pain._   
_*If you think that way, then why live at all?_

_*yeah ive been asking myself the same question_

_*...  
*No._

_*sorry didnt mean to get all existential  
*everythings fine just tired thats all_

_*Life is so precious.  Life is a gift.  Suffering is not a requirement.  There is so much good in the world.  Like you for instance!_   
_*You are very good._   
_*That means that you yourself are a perfectly good reason for living!_

_*..._   
_*haha_   
_*youre so cute tori_

_*You should think twice before saying things like that...  
*Cute is not a word I would use to describe myself._

_*more like a vicious man-eating beast right_

_*Of course!  I am terrifying and brutal.  ( ◉‿◉✿ )_

_*yeah youve got these giant claws thats why you cant use a phone properly_

_*Oh dear.  You have learned my secret!_

_*lmao thanks for the pep talk i gotta get back to work_

_*Feel free to ignore my advice, but I think it would be a good idea to connect with your friends today if given the chance.  
*Even if they are only a distraction to you, it wouldn’t hurt to indulge them by serving as a good distraction yourself, would it?_

Hey, she’s got a good point.  You never thought of yourself as a good distraction before.  A general distraction, definitely.  Back when the nightmares were even worse than they are now, you were Papyrus’s worst distraction.  Honestly, you’ve spent most of your life as Papyrus’s worst distraction.  And that’s what you owe him for.  Every paycheck you receive is paying him back little by little.

But hey, if you’re good at distracting, why not take advantage of that?  There’s a bar/diner full of people willing to be distracted!  There’s Red, Ugly, Punk Hamster, Bigmouth, good ol’ Bun-Buns, and hey it’s your friend Doggo!  Doggo is a blind stoner who you used to get high with back in the day when you still had time for weed.  He’s great, just like the rest of your friends.  And just like the rest of your friends, you have no idea what his real name is.

They want you to sit and have a drink with them.  You go ahead and oblige.  You reach for a bottle of ketchup and Bigmouth shoves a beer in your hand instead.  Red lets you know that Grillby disapproves.

“Shcrew you, Grillby!” Drunk Bunny yells.  “Sansy, we haven’t had any _real_ fun in—*hic*— years!  LET’SH DITCH THE HOTHEAD!”

“No,” says Red.  “Grillby did nothing wrong.  Yo, why don’t we hang out later?”

“Yeah, this place closes too early!” Punk Hamster complains.

Grillby looks away.  Red gives him a supportive pat on the arm.  You agree that Grillby did nothing wrong.  Bunny thinks hanging out later is a great idea.  She knows the best places to have fun.  You remind her you’re kind of broke.

After several grand plans that involve moving to Canada and living in a giant igloo, you wind up crashing at another bar instead.  Punk Hamster complains that it’s just like what you do in Grillby’s without the hamburgers.  Bunny is happy.  Is this where you usually get drunk? you ask her.  Buns doesn’t even remember.

She buys you a drink.  You down it in a few seconds.  Your friends buy you drink after drink and you don’t refuse them.  It reminds you of the good old days when you would do the exact same thing at Grillby’s, getting drunk and performing magic tricks and cracking jokes until Grillbz had to kick you out because it was far past closing time.  Papyrus wound up having to carry you home on more than one occasion.

You used to do that a lot.  Losing yourself in alcohol, getting high, drugging yourself into relaxation, and then... somehow, even that lost its appeal.

“You guys...”  You hiccup and throw your arms around the people nearest to you.  “You guys are... a great distraction.”

“Aww, we love ya too, Sansy~!”

“Yeah, we’re all gonna die someday...  Why not just... get drunk and party till the end...”

“Wow, you sure are a bucket of laughs today,” says Red.

It takes barely any time at all before all of you begin confessing your feelings of deepest attraction to each other.  Bigmouth admits that maybe it wasn’t just a joke after all.  Bunny says she was never lying to begin with.

“I gots a great idea,” she says.  “‘Stead of pairing up with each other, we just... we uhh.... dammit, I for— _hIC_ —got!”

“We share Sans, right?” asks Ugly.  “Then... then all of us get to be happy...”

“Y-YOU USED TO LOVE ME,” Red sobs.

You wink and finger gun at her.  “Don’ worry, Reddy.  There’s ‘nough of me to go around.”

“Wait, dozzat mean... we each get him a different night, or... we like, each get a different limb or something?” asks Bigmouth.

You suggest that you detach all your bones.  “I can’t keep myself together anyway!  Everyone gets to choose what bone to bone.”

You tell them you know which bone they want.  The longest bone you’ve got.  “THE FEMUR!”  You crack up laughing and spill your drink.  Hamster offers to buy you another one.  Is femur another word for boner? he asks.  You find this hilarious.  The others do too but they’re not sure why.

 _Why do your friends find you so attractive?  It absolutely baffles me!_  Poor Paps, he never understood there was more to charm than height.  Also, the trick is to make yourself into your own shitty punchline.  Everyone wants to bang the asexual, that’s how it always works.

Punk Hamster starts crying about his childhood.  Red starts to get nauseous, and Ugly offers to help her get home.  He wants to know if this is his chance.  “Go— _hic—_ get a room with the short guy,” Red hisses.

They wobble outside, ignoring your calls to come back.  They’re gone, and by now, Bunny’s passed out.  Hamster is still crying.  Bigmouth holds him and tells him everything is going to be okay.  Doggo complains that weed is better than alcohol.

“So,” you say, leaning over and grinning at them.  They stop what they’re doing to pay attention.  “We’ve got Grillbz, Buns, Big ‘n Ugly, ‘s Red on the list?”

“Huh...?”

“If Imma make a list of... I needa schedule my, uh... the bone list.  For the bonezone.”

They suggest you put Red in parentheses.  You and whoever is left sing some songs and laugh at the dirty words in them.  Sometime in the middle of a verse, you notice that you’re the only one singing.  Your phone buzzes and you find a message from Papyrus.

 

_NORMALLY I AM NOT AWAKE AT THIS HOUR, BUT SINCE I HAPPENED TO BE AWAKE AT THIS HOUR I WENT TO USE THE BATHROOM.  ON MY WAY I NOTICED THAT YOU HAD LEFT YOUR DOOR OPEN WHICH COULD ONLY MEAN, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU SO WELL, THAT YOU ARE NOT HOME YET!_

_I WOULD APPRECIATE YOU TELLING ME YOUR PLANS NEXT TIME, SEEING AS THAT IS WHAT I WOULD, AND HAVE DONE FOR YOU IN THE PAST!_

 

Welp, looks like it’s your cue to get on out of there.  You should probably reply to him...  You waddle out the door, looking at your phone.  Why do you have your phone out again...?  You were gonna text someone, you think.  You get Stranger up.  Nah, she’s not Stranger, she’s Tori!  You stumble into a streetlamp and recover yourself.  Ha, what a great night.  You feel absolutely sick.

 

_*heyy torreeile  
*hearsd that joek about hte unsharpened penscil? >  _

_*What?_

_*lmao itas pOINTELSS_

_*Sans is that you?_

_*wanna haer soemthign realyy funny?/_  
_*this ones a real kneeslapper its hte funniests joak i knoe_  
 _*u wanna hearr it/?_

_*...By all means._

_*iT”s MEE!1!  
*oh man i canost top laughisn_

_*Are you drunk?_   
_*Or are you in fact Papyrus?_   
_*If you are, please return your brother’s phone._

_*an i papayrus_

_*If you are Papyrus, that is quite rude.  If you are Sans, please calm down._

_*im nto papayas_

_*...Clearly._

_*papayas my bother_

_*Are you misspelling his name that way on purpose...?_

_*knick knuck_

_*Sigh....  
*Who is there?_

_*pathaetic eaxciuse for an exisstence_

_*You are not!!_

 

You bump into a wall and clutch onto it to keep yourself upright.  You’re cracking yourself up.  Now seems like a good a time as ever.  It’s time to do this.  Why have you been waiting all this time anyway?  You get Toriel up on your contacts and tap that pretty green call button.  It barely rings once before she picks up.

“Erm, hello?”

There she is!  “Tooooriel...!”

“Sans, is something bothering you?  At the very least, does your phone not have autocorrect?”

“The hell do I need autocorrect for?”

“Well, I mean, your spelling is worse than mine right now.  Have I mentioned that my phone corrects every other word I type...?  Uhm, nevermind that.  Is something wrong?”

“No!  Everything’s... everything’s great!”

“Was there a reason you wanted to talk...?”

“Yeah, figured it was... was about time.  Torieeeel, d’you sing at all?”

“W-why are you asking me this.”

She sounds flustered.  What a cutie.  “I bet you’re really gooood....”

“You would have no way of knowing.”

“Yknow what, haven’t got many years left, what’m I... what’m I still scared of?  It’s about time... ‘bout time I lived... before I gotta— _hic—_ get out and... I don’t know...”

You drag yourself away from the wall and try to follow the sidewalk.  Toriel asks what you mean.  She begs you to tell her what’s wrong.  “Tori,” you giggle, “you know what kinda pizza I am?”

“I do not care what type of pizza you are.”

“Imma pIZZA SHIT!!”

You grab onto a telephone pole to keep yourself from falling over from laughing so hard.  Toriel sighs.  “Knock knock,” she says firmly.

“Ha ha... who’s there?”

“Acid.”

“Ohhh man, who’s there?”

“ACID CALM DOWN AND TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG!”

“That’s a— that’s a great one!  You’re gooood, Tori.  You’re so good.”

“I am not going to leave until you begin talking sense.  You obviously called me for a reason.  It seems like there is something you would like to talk about.  Something important.”

“Not really.  I wanted to call you before but...”

“Oh?”

“Yknow why I never called you before?”

“Why not?”

“CRIPPLING FEAR OF REJECTION!” you laugh.  Tears streak down your face.  “HAHA, I’M SO GLAD WE DECIDED TO START BEIN’ HONEST WITH EACH OTHER.”

Is that your house in the distance...?  Good, you feel dizzy.  Passing out on the hard pavement is not a good idea.  You’ll shatter like a fat, useless piece of cheap china.

“I give up,” Toriel sighs.  “I will talk to you another time.  But do not expect me to laugh at any of your jokes now.  They are awful.”

“Yeah, nothin’s really funny.”

“Many things are funny.  But nothing that speaks badly about _you_ is funny.”

“You kidding me?  Self-deprecating humor’s my—”  You hiccup and forget what you were about to say.

Toriel sighs deeply.  “Are you home?”

Just got home now, you tell her.  “Good.  Make sure to drink lots of water, or else you’ll wake up with an awful hangover tomorrow.”

She’s so sweet.  You tell her that.  Toriel mutters and impatient thank you and reminds you again to take proper care of yourself.  You keep talking until you accidentally hang up on her.  The screen goes black before you can press the happy green button again.  Oh well, it doesn’t really matter.

You fall onto your mattress, letting the tears run down your face.  You laugh and cry at the same time.  Toriel didn’t find you funny.  She _always_ laughs, and you didn’t get to hear that perfect angelic sound today.  She must be in a crappy mood... just like you!

It’s really sad... she’ll probably never laugh at you ever again...

Weird, your ceiling is spinning...

☠☠☠

**_Boom boom bOOM_ **

That’s gotta be thunder pounding against your skull.  It goes on, completely relentlessly.

“HEY, SANS, WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?”

Is that Papyrus...?  Where _were_ you last night?  Oh god, you can’t move.  The pounding continues.  Finally, it fades, and you can hear your doorknob rattling.  “Ah, it’s open!” Papyrus’s voice declares.

The door swings open, and suddenly, your vision floods with light.  The pain in your head flashes hard and hot.  You grope blindly for the sheets, squeezing your eyes shut.  “Do _not_ go back to bed!  Come on, open your eyes!”

You grab hold of a sheet and throw it over your head.  Papyrus marches over and yanks it off.  “I’m not happy, Sans!  You didn’t even leave a note!  Or a text!  How difficult would it have been to say, ‘My dearest brother with whom I have shared life’s most terrific challenges with, I will not be coming home until later tonight because of _this_ specific certain reason!’  And then state the reason!”

You moan a response that even you can’t make out.  Papyrus huffs angrily.  “Do you stay out often?  I never see you when you come home anyway.”

You moan louder.  Papyrus sighs and gets up to shut the door.  You uncover your face and tell him, “I’d tell you where I was but... I don’t even remember.”

“Oh _god._  How did you make it home?!”

“Don’t remember...”

“Well... whatever you did, you probably shouldn’t do it again.”  

You blink your eyes open.  Papyrus doesn’t look all that angry.  He looks concerned.  Oh man.  “Heyy... I probably just... took a break with some friends last night.  Yeahhh, I remember.  There was a party or something...  Bigmouth’s birthday...”

“As long as you’re still _alive.”_

“Hey, I always come back in one piece.”  You wink blearily at him.  That might be a lie.  You never know when you’ll come back to him in more than one piece.

You ask him what time it is.  It’s not too late.  You make a move to sit up, and your stomach lurches.  You smile painfully to let Papyrus know it’s all good.  Finally, he leaves you alone to get dressed.  You’re too tired to change your clothing, but you feel gross.  You pick up a shirt from the floor and sniff it.  “Been there for a while, huh...” you mutter, dropping it into the Tornado.

You don’t bother checking the next shirt and figure it’s at least gotta be cleaner than the one you’re wearing now.  It takes you a good ten minutes to put it on.  During your struggle, you remember flashes of Hamster crying, and Bunny snoring.  Knowing you guys, you probably got really drunk, but didn’t wind up actually doing anything.

In the kitchen, Papyrus spares you the interrogations.  You ask him if you have any medicine for headaches.  Papyrus suggests you take them on a full stomach.  You take them without bothering, because you feel too sick to eat.

Grillby has nothing to say, but he seems disappointed in you.  Red’s not there to speak for him, makes sense... she always had a pretty low tolerance...

None of the other regulars show their faces either.  Your headache and nausea last the entire day.  You force some water and a sandwich down your throat, because you read online that filling up will help with your hangover.  The headache pills don’t seem to be working.

At the end of the day, you check your phone out of habit.  Toriel left you a message.

 

_*I hope you are feeling better today._

 

What the hell...   _How does she know?_  You scroll upward.  It looks like someone stole your phone and keysmashed illegible messages to Toriel.  Oh wait, no, you can make out words.  Papayas.  Knick knuck.

Oh fuck.

You sent those texts.  All of them.  Through your hazy memory, you can recall talking to her... What did you say?  Fuck, what did you say?

“Welp,” you laugh, “guess I’m never talking to her again!”

No, no, she’s worried...  Shit, how the hell are you supposed to fix this.

 

_*ha hahaha i wrote that didnt i_   
_*uh just ignore it_   
_*all that stuff_   
_*i got wasted last night and_

 

No, you can’t send that.  Instead of pressing the backspace button, you accidentally send the text as it is.

 

 _*ok yeah seriously just ignore all of that_  
_*im fine now just a bit of a headache_  
 _*sorry about that, i feel kinda shitty now for making you worry?_

You compulsively check the time as the minutes pass.  She doesn’t text back.

_Mmm watcha say~~_

The screen on your phone lights up and vibrates.  You drop it, pick it up, and answer.  “Ugghhh, hi Tori,” you say.

“Good evening, Sans.  I hope you took my advice and stayed hydrated.”

“I did take your advice.  I uh, distracted myself.”

Toriel gasps.  “I did not mean for you to get drunk and verbally harass yourself!”

“Hey, I said I was sorry, didn’t I?”

“I am not angry.”  Toriel sighs.  “I just wish... I had known what to say.  It sounds as though....”  She pauses.

“What.”

“Nothing.”

“Why’d you call me?” you ask.  You sound hostile without meaning to.  It’s hard to sound nice when your skull is about to split open.

“I thought you enjoyed talking to me.”

“Uhh...”  Yeah, you’re just making things worse...

“I don’t mean to pry, but you said some... pretty disturbing things.”

“I was _drunk._  You ever been drunk, Tori?”

“It was the things that you said sober that disturbed me.”

You scroll up even further.  Was it all that distraction bullshit?  Probably... that must’ve scared the shit out of her...  “You gotta, uh, learn not to take me seriously.”

“I take anything that sounds vaguely suicidal very seriously.”

At the word _suicide,_ your heart jolts.  You feel like you just got punched in the gut.  “I am not saying you are suicidal,” Toriel continues.  “I mean, I have no way of knowing.  I won’t be angry if... if you say that was not your intention at all.  I’m just paranoid is all.”

“No,” you tell her.

“No?”

“Nah, that’s not what I meant at all.”

“Alright.  Well, despite that, it is evident that you... at least _were..._ unhappy?  I just wanted to know if... there was anything I could do to help?”

What the fuck did you do, what the fuck did you _say..._  “Look, again, you’re takin’ me too seriously.  I probably said some really stupid shit thinking it was funny.  I didn’t like, wanna trigger you or anything.”

“You sounded pretty honest when you spoke of a crippling fear of rejection.”

Crippling fear of—

This just keeps getting worse.  “Ooookay, Tori, I’m gonna go now, let’s just forget about everything and never talk to each other again!  Good luck, have fun with the flowers—”

“Sans, stay on the phone.”

“Ok.”

“What is bothering you?”

Your hand is starting to shake.  “I work two jobs every day from nine to a billionty o’clock in the morning.  And I haven’t been getting much sleep lately.  That’s... pretty much it.  It’s the stress on my body that’s makin me crazy.  And, uh, doubly for me since I’m not a hardworking person by nature.”

“Oh.  I’m, well... I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Thanks.”

“I want you to do me a favor,” Toriel says.  "Put the phone on speaker, would you?”

“Sure... why?”

“Is it on?”

You’re glad to put your phone down.  You can barely hold it anymore anyway.  You go ahead and follow Toriel’s instructions.  “Yep.”

“Alright.”  Toriel takes a deep breath.  “This may seem odd, but I want you to clasp your hands together.  Are you, um...”

“Got it.”

“Good.  Now... choose any hand.  Your dominant hand, I suppose.  And pretend the other is... isn’t yours.”

“Uh, disembodied ghost hand?”

Silence on the other line.  Seconds pass.  “I wish there was more I could do.  But... there is a bit of a physical distance so...  Pretend that other hand is mine.  I am holding your hand.”

You look down at your hands.  “Haha, your hand’s... a lot smaller than you made it sound.”

“Your hand is enormous.  It is also very gross and sweaty, but I am willing to hang on.”

You wait in silence for a while before Toriel speaks.  “I think... I understand exactly what you meant, and it is not that unusual.  Being afraid of rejection...  It must be natural to feel that way about every new friend you meet.  Thinking to yourself...  What if they don’t accept me.”

You’re in for it, you’re _really_ in for it...  “What if... he does not actually find me funny?” Toriel continues.  “What if he is only humoring me?  What if he is growing tired of me?  Perhaps I am merely wasting his time.  He is far too busy to be distracted so often.  What if I... have merely been making a fool of myself this entire time?”

That’s your fault.  Yeah, you probably said some really insensitive things to her.   _Don’t you have anything better to do?  It’s gotta get old after a while._  “Uhh...”

“Is that what it was like?”

“Something... something like that.”

“There!  Now you know.  You are not any more pathetic than I am for having such fears.  Do not worry, they are perfectly normal things to be concerned about.  To be honest... I was relieved to hear that.  Knowing you were afraid as well... made me feel a little more secure.”

You can’t believe this woman is so nice.  “Guess... that honesty thing was... not a total bust?”

“Yes.  I’m... a little embarrassed for being so forward.  Now, um...”  She clears her throat.  “Why did the skeleton invite the ghost into the elevator?”

You close your eyes.  “Why’d the skeleton invite the ghost into the elevator.”

“To lift his spirit!”

You chuckle, and she laughs.  You look away from your hands and interlace your fingers.  Toriel’s hand gives yours a little squeeze.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Sans is drunk he becomes Rose Lalonde. Papayas.
> 
> I have absolutely nothing insightful to say in the notes this chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder that whenever I switch to past-tense, that means backstory.
> 
> RULE OF THUMB: DO NOT REREAD YOUR WRITING TOO MANY TIMES BEFORE YOU POST IT OR IT WILL SEEM BAD AND YOU WILL HATE IT. SCREW EDITING. FIX SPELLING MISTAKES AND NOTHING ELSE.  
> at least thats my rule of thumb that i didnt follow this time.

You should really consider putting the curtains back up.  The sun streaks through and stabs your eyes awake.  It’s a great alarm clock on a clear day, but not as good of an alarm clock as Papyrus.

You do have curtains, on the floor somewhere.  Probably in the self-sustaining tornado.  You should really consider fixing that, too.  Then again, it fits your aesthetic and generates enough of a breeze that it helps save on air conditioning in the summer.

You drag yourself out of bed and step into your slippers.  In the middle of unlocking the door, you realize that you forgot to get dressed.  Well, screw it, pants can wait...

You're hungry...

You push yourself through the door and wander into the kitchen.  It smells nice, actually.  "Hey, Pap," you yawn, "what's cooki—"

You stop mid-yawn.  That is not your beautiful brother.  Someone tall and with more hair than Papyrus is standing at the frying pan.

"Who're you... wha'd you do with Papyrus..."

"The hell are you talking about."

Oh yeah, you know her.  "Hi Undyne."

“Hi, Papyrus’s brother.”

Another set of feet pound down the hall behind you.  "SANS, WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT WEARING PANTS WHILE I HAVE FRIENDS OVER?"

"Guess you could say I'm sans pants."

"If you didn't own this place," says Undyne, "I'd kick you out."

You walk around and gaze into the frying pan.  Eggs and bacon.  A breakfast classic.  They look ready, but Undyne likes them well-done.  To be more accurate, she likes them burnt to a crisp.  It's not your preference, but you're not one to turn up free home-cooked food when it's not free and home-cooked by Papyrus.

You stand at her side, sniffing the frying pan.  "Smells eggcelent."  She glares at you and moves away.  You shift closer.

"OKAY, I GET IT!" Undyne shouts.  "YOU'RE HUNGRY, JUST HANG ON A FEW MORE MINUTES!  STOP STARING OVER MY SHOULDER, IT'S CREEPING ME OUT!"

"Great idea!  Sans, leave Undyne alone and put your pants on!"

"Sorry, I'm just a bit scrambled this morning."

"Sans."

"Bro.  Don't be so hard-boiled."

"OH, SHUT UP!!"

He's only this mean when he has his cooler friends over and he's desperately trying to make himself sound cool.  You forgive him.  Undyne rolls her eyes.  Unlike Papyrus, she actually hates your puns.  You know Papyrus is only pretending.  It'll take just one good one, and he'll _crack up._

You'll have to find a way to slip that one in somehow...

You seat yourself down at the table until Undyne graciously places a plate of scrambled eggs in front of Papyrus.  He thanks her equally as graciously, and she says you're welcome.  You grin at her.  Undyne grimaces.

"What, you think I'm just gonna serve you?"

"That'd be eggceptional."

"Get it yourself and good luck reaching the stove."

"That's low, Undyne."

"Heh, even lower than YOU!" Papyrus snickers.

“Don’t egg him on,” says Undyne.

You snort.  Undyne looks ready to flip the table.  Papyrus looks very ashamed for holding back a laugh.  You can see the struggle on his face.  He looks constipated.

You scrape off the burnt parts of the eggs.  Undyne calls you weak for doing so.  It's her way of being friendly.  She must be in a really good mood today.

You zone out as she starts talking with Papyrus about their plans for the day.  After we visit the therapy center, she says, we should head to the gym.  Papyrus asks if they can continue training.  Undyne admires his enthusiasm.

Her visit lets you know that it's Sunday.  Every sunday, she and Papyrus volunteer at the Physical Therapy Center and hang out with disabled™ children.  They love Undyne.  She gives them motivational speeches and suplexes things.  Kinda like what she does with Papyrus, who admires her the same way.

"ALRIGHT, LET'S GO OVER THE PLAN!"

"Yes!  The plan!"

"FIRST, WE'RE GONNA GO MAKE SOME KIDS REALLY HAPPY!"

"RIGHT!  THEN WE TRAIN!"

"THEN WE TRAIN!"

"YES!"

"YEEAAAH!!"  God, you wish you had their enthusiasm....  "WE'RE GONNA SUPLEX THE CHILDREN!"

"L-let's be careful not to hurt them!"

"THEY'LL LOVE IT!"

"IF YOU SAY SO!  I TRUST YOU!"

"POUND IT!!"

Undyne holds out her fist for pounding.  Papyrus gives it a tentative tap.  Undyne responds so enthusiastically that Papyrus has to put ice on his knuckles.  He asks you to put on some pants again, and you can’t say no to him while his eyes are full of tears.  

You head out with them and separate where your paths divide.  They both wish you good luck.  You tell them to be careful with the little kidlets.  Papyrus promises he would never let any harm come to them.

You know he'll do a good job.  Dealing with delicate kids... Papyrus knows just how to handle that.  Better than anyone you know.  You listen to their voices loudly chattering behind you until they fade.  As you keep walking, you can’t make out individual sounds anymore.  With their absence, the air seems to get heavier.

To give yourself something to do, you check your phone.  Looks like Toriel left you a text this morning at approximately 6am.

 

_*Have you ever heard of “Charlie the Unicorn”?_

_*tori its 201X_

_*...Is that a yes or a no?_

 

You don’t know what you did in this lifetime to deserve such precious people in your life...  Clearly, you owe it to another Sans in an alternate universe.  He must have done good.

☠☠☠

Undyne was a good find.  She was everything Papyrus admired— strong, confident, popular, and successful.  She worked as the head lifeguard at the time, which is what Papyrus decided he always wanted to do.  You didn’t remember him saying that ever before, but apparently being a lifeguard was his life’s greatest dream.  Unfortunately, he didn’t know how to swim.  He stalked her and begged her for swimming lessons.  Like any strong independent girl her age with any sense, Undyne shut the door on him.

“Fuck off, creep,” she said.

He didn’t give up, even when you warned him he should probably back off.  “I’m _gay,”_ Undyne told him.  Papyrus realized that all this time she thought he was hitting on her.  He was ashamed, and answered, “I think... I might be, too?”

After that, Undyne began to listen to him.  He came home red-faced and mortified at what he just said.  “Can’t believe you told some weird chick I’ve never met before you told me,” you said.  “When’d you find out?  Just now?”

“I don’t even know if it’s true!” Papyrus yelled.  “I don’t know why I said it, I don’t even...”

“Look, I’m proud of you.”  You patted his arm proudly.

“It’s just that... I have been on many dates, and though I found the women I dated to have fascinating personalities, I never felt like I could reciprocate their feelings!  There were no flying sparks, I did not feel any differently about them than I would... say, a good friend!  I figured that maybe I just... wasn’t dating the right type of person...”

He hid his face in his hands.  No amount of reassuring pats on the shoulder could get him to come out.  “Hey, it’s okay,” you said.  “Even if you’re not sure.  You could be ace, like me.”

“But romance looks like so much fun!”

“You know what’s better than romance?” you asked.  “Bromance.”  You put your arms around him.  Papyrus sighed.  I have to find my significant other and _move on,_ he said.

“Sometimes, I feel like such a child!  Romance and marriage are adult things that adults do, and as an adult I should be far more involved.”

“Eh, screw the system.”

Papyrus disagreed.  He persisted with Undyne, hoping to get in into the friendzone, he told you.  When Papyrus talks about the friendzone, he _means_ the friendzone.  He just wanted to be friends.  He still hasn’t figured himself out in terms of who he wants to bang/date, but Undyne wound up taking him under her wing.  She saw how earnest he was, and agreed to give him swimming lessons.

He wanted to become stronger.  He worked hard.  Undyne asked if this was really his biggest dream.  He said he had many dreams.  But they were put on hold when he was forced to drop out of school to make a living.  Under Undyne’s encouragement, Papyrus decided he wanted to go back.  You decided to help him.

You barely ever saw him anymore after that.  It was hard to be someone’s emotional and financial support at the same time.  Luckily, Undyne took care of him.  You don’t think you would have ever been able to keep it up if not for her.  She was kind of like the sibling he needed when you weren’t there.

One time, she came over and you overheard her talking about her girlfriend, this cute scientist chick named Alphys.   _The_ Alphys?  You wondered.  Nah, probably some different Alphys because there were probably millions of tiny scientists named Alphys who had huge thirsts for strong, muscular women.

“She’s opened me up to a whole other world!  There’s this _great_ anime that I gotta show you.  It’s so good.  No objections— we’re watching it!”

Okay no it was definitely your Alphys.

☠☠☠

It’s a slow day at the hotdog stand.  Luckily, your phone vibrates.  You pick it up to see what Toriel’s sent you— but to your surprise it’s from Papyrus.

It’s a picture of himself sitting on a chair with a kid in his lap.  The kid has a mohawk, buck teeth, and red-rimmed eyes.  They’re wearing a striped shirt that says “Monster” on it.  You could note other descriptions, but the most noticeable thing about them is that they’ve got no arms.  Still, they look happy hanging with Papyrus and Undyne.  Undyne has her arm around both of them.  Her other hand is holding the phone to take the picture.

All three of them are grinning.  The kid, you only know them as MK, is great friends with them.  They’re the leader of Undyne’s fanclub.

You realize Toriel would love this.

 

_*yo my brothers awesome_

_*Do you have proof to back up your claim?_

_*hell yeah i have proof  
*he volunteers to help out with Disabled Children how much more awesome can a dude get_

_*If you bothered to capitalize words, then you must really admire him._

_*cmon toriel thats right up your alley  
*you love kids_

_*Disabled Children, huh...  
*Just lump them all together like that, why don’t you._

_*uh how can i say this_  
_*i only capitalize disabled because..._  
 _*i mean_  
 _*its kind of a..._  
 _*defense mechanism?_

_*?_

_*look i was one of them_

_*...Ah.  
*I’m very sorry._

_*dont beat yourself up about it_   
_*lets just say helping out disabled people is something papyrus has been doing for a long time_   
_*hes good at it_   
_*and he does it in his free time because he likes it. just thought youd uh_   
_*appreciate that?_

_*I do._   
_*I hope you didn’t feel like you had to tell me anything you were uncomfortable with sharing just now..._   
_*I should really stop assuming the worst in people, seeing as you continue to prove me wrong._

_*again dont worry about it_

_*Tell me more about your brother._   
_*If you want to._   
_*I mean..._   
_*I would like to hear more about your brother._   
_*Um..._   
_*Please._

_*calm down tori you didnt do anything wrong_

_*^_^;_

_*anyway he goes on sundays_   
_*he sent me a picture just now_

_*Oh!  I would love to see it._

 

You forward the picture to her after smiling fondly at it for a moment.

 

_*Ah, how sweet!_   
_*May I ask who the attractive young lady in the picture is?_   
_*Are she and your brother... well acquainted? ;)_

_*tori you really gotta stop with the heteronormative bullshit_   
_*unless youre asking if shes available_   
_*in that case sorry shes taken_   
_*heh, sorry toriel._

_*Sans, no!! >_<;;_   
_*AGAIN, I APOLOGIZE  FOR  JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS!_   
_*Then again, I might be too old for her anyway._

_*lol someone sounds like they wanna get “well acquainted”_

_*No, I’m not interested!  That is not what I meant!_

_*haha deny it all you want ur gay tori  
*ur fucking gay_

_*I am not!!_

_*sorry youve got some major competition youre up against the tiniest anime loving nerd plus she looks like a lizard theres no way you can beat her_

 

Alphys.  You wonder how she’s doing.  You’re not that worried if she’s got Undyne taking care of her, too.

 

 _*Enough of this._  
_*I am sure they are very happy together._  
 _*Let us change the subject._  
 _*Do you ever volunteer with them?_

_*nah_   
_*helping kids stay happy_   
_*thats not something im really good at_   
_*also i dont really have time for volunteer work_   
_*funding my brothers hopes and dreams aint cheap_

_*...  
*Is that all you do?_

_*hey youve seen what i do when i uh  
*forget whats important_

_*What do you mean?_

_*i get drunk. i do stupid things_   
_*i dont know it stopped being fun after a while_   
_*...im sure holding a kids hand when they cross the street or whatever might uh_   
_*help put meaning back into my life_   
_*hey not sayin i dont like kids_   
_*i love kids_   
_*them and their pure hearts_

_*:)_   
_*Exactly why I like children.  They are pure._   
_*There is so much that adults can learn from them._   
_*In many ways, we should strive to be more like children..._

_*kids are dark as shit though  
*you ever heard the inside of a kids imagination_

 

You ever had recurring nightmares about a kid decapitating your brother...?  You don’t ask her that.

 

 _*That is only because of the darkness they absorb from the world of adults._  
_*Children are especially vulnerable._  
 _*At the stage where the most change takes place, they’re so..._  
 _*Fragile._  
 _*It scares me.  That there are people in the world who aren’t willing to protect that purity._  
 _*What could be more important than protecting lives that cannot possibly protect themselves...?_

_*sounds like  
*youve met some assholes in your life_

_*In short, I admire what your brother does very much.  
*He seems like a very good person._

_*how bout his hot sexy friend_

_*}:/_

_*thats new_   
_*heh..._   
_*being more childlike..._   
_*papyrus has that down_   
_*he can be kind of immature even_   
_*but all the good stuff that comes with being a kid_   
_*hes retained that_

_*I should like to meet him._

_*heh you should_   
_*hey, why not?_   
_*wanna hang out for real?_

_*Oh!  What a question....  Well, I am afraid I cannot leave this house.  If you wanted to visit, that might possibly be something we could arrange?_

_*welp ive got no money to travel so...  
*someday?_

_*Yes, perhaps someday..._

_*yeah...._

_*It seems as though_   
_*Your brother has an enviable innocence.  But you..._   
_*You two seem very different._   
_*Do you have anything in common at all?_

_*nope_   
_*we share nothing_   
_*not even genes_

_*Oh!  So you two are not even blood-related!_

_*yeah i hate telling people that_   
_*get the reaction “oh so youre not really brothers!”_   
_*and_   
_*we are_

_*I would never say that.  
*I understand exactly how you feel.  A have adopted a child myself!  Adopted children are no less family than if they were related by blood._

_*oh cool how many kids you got?_

_*...  
*That is... too difficult of a question to answer._   
_*So, which one of you is adopted?_

_*both of us_   
_*we grew up together though so we might as well be as close to blood siblings as it gets?_   
_*i dont remember a time in my life he wasnt around_   
_*we called each other brothers even before we were_   
_*uh_   
_*im rambling_

_*By all means, keep going.  
*This is honestly... so sweet._

_*oh man_

_*Do not be embarrassed._

_*embarrassed about papyrus? no way_

_*^u^  
*This is making me very happy._

_*thats  
*great_

_*Do tell me more._

_*haha well..._   
_*we lived at this home for tragic lost orphans_   
_*we got adopted and partook in many adorable brotherly antics_   
_*i could tell you about all the stupid stuff papyrus used to do but he still does most of them_   
_*a few years back dear old dad died and_   
_*left us both with no money_   
_*so im working now to pay for pap to get through college_   
_*then im gonna take a nice long retirement_

_*That is very generous of you.  
*You’re going to take turns supporting each other then?_

_*something like that_   
_*so uh_   
_*what are your kid(s) like?_

 

Toriel doesn’t respond.  You put your phone away and wait for it to buzz, but it doesn’t.  An hour later, you stop checking.  

You get it.  She’s doesn’t want to talk about it.  You can’t help but wonder why, but you know that’s not your business.  Maybe she and her kids don’t get along anymore.  You can speculate all you want, but at the end of the day, you respect that she’s got her secrets.  You’ve got plenty of secrets, so you understand.

After you get home, you send her a video compilation of babies that sound like they’re saying curse words.  Toriel responds with “LOL.”  It’s a hollow LOL.  There isn’t even an emote to go with it.

 

_*uh toriel i feel like we should just clear this outa the way right now  
*i broached a sore topic didnt i_

_*Do not worry about it._

_*ok_

_*..._  
_*Asriel was kind and loving child.  I would say he was the sweetest boy who ever lived, but that would sound biased coming from me, wouldn’t it?_  
 _*Chara was... much harder to describe.  I don’t think I ever really knew them._  
 _*I miss them both very much.  I want to talk about them and I do not at the same time._  
 _*A part of me wishes I could forget all about them.  But it’s silly.  Those years were the best years of my life._  
 _*That is all I wish to say._  
 _*That is all I am able to say._

 

You stare at your phone.  You spend minutes trying to think of something good to say.  The more time that passes, the worse she probably feels.  There’s gotta be something you can say.  Something you can say fast.

 

_*hey im not too good with this but_

 

This isn’t about you, you turd...

 

_*im sure  
*you were a great mom._

_*..._

_*do you...  
*wanna talk?_

_*I don’t know._  
_*You cannot worry about making me sad.  I broached the subject first.  It only makes sense that you would be curious.  Perhaps... I really did want to talk._  
 _*But I changed my mind._  
 _*I want to leave this off and maybe..._  
 _*Maybe another time, I will be ready._  
 _*For now, though, you should not bother.  You have to sleep, don’t you?_

_*alright well im not gonna leave you like this_

_*Please rest._

_*im calling you  
*not gonna be able to sleep till i hear you laugh_

 

You call Toriel.  Your heart is pounding.  You can only hope this is the right thing to do.  Toriel answers, her voice thick with the sound of trying not to cry.  You’re still glad to hear her.  She asks you to please say something funny.  You tell her a joke about snails.  She gives a half-hearted chuckle.  It’s not really a laugh.  It’s a polite chuckle.  Tell me a story? she asks.  She says you have a lot of fascinating stories.

“I do, don’t I,” you say.  “Alright, here’s one no one knows.  Since we’re getting all personal now.  I’ve never told anyone this before.”

“I am all ears.”

“So this one time... I was in Grillby’s, right?  Everyone was drunk but me and we all made this bet.  And let’s just say I downed seven bottles of ketchup.  Seven entire bottles of ketchup.  I won a hundred bucks because I chugged seven fucking bottles of ketchup.”

“This... sounds like a story that everyone knows.”

“No, wait Tori.  Here’s the secret.  Afterwards I went out back and puked it all up.  Along with everything I ate that day.  The bet was that I could drink six bottles of ketchup without puking or pausing.  And I did.  Plus one more because I’m a party animal.  That’s a... that’s a lie.  I actually lost count.”

Toriel giggles.  It’s faint, but it seems genuine.

“And, well...” you continue, “I didn’t pause, but no one knows that I never wound up fulfilling the second terms and I wound up spending a hundred dollars of stolen money.  Worst hundred bucks I ever spent.  I’ve never felt worse about anything in my life.”

“I get the feeling you are lying about how terrible you feel.”

“That’s, uh, yeah that’s true.”

“And what did you buy?”

“Probably food.”

“Do you even like ketchup?”

“I fucking love ketchup.”

Toriel giggles again.  Encouraged, you keep talking until you get something that sounds a little more like a laugh.  She isn’t replying much, but it seems like she wants you to keep talking.  “Hey, Tori, can you guess which instrument I used to play in high school?”

“I cannot.”

“The trom _bone.”_

“How nice.”

You wait.  Finally, Toriel cracks up laughing.   _Yessss,_ you think to yourself.  “Oh my, I _just_ got it!  Are you serious?  Did you learn an instrument just to make a pun?”

“Yep.”

“Are you any good?”

“I uh, used to be.”

You remember the good old days when you would piss Papyrus off all the time by plaguing his life with incidental music.  He hated it.  He asked why you couldn’t choose a less annoying and loud instrument.  You tell Toriel all about it.  That was a long time ago.  You kinda put down the trombone one day and never picked it back up again.  It’s probably lying in a drawer by now, with your clothes.

You gave up the trombone because you just weren’t interested anymore.  Even annoying Papyrus stopped being funny enough to keep going.  It became another waste of time.

You used to really love it.

For Toriel, you keep things happy.  You keeping talking to her until you hear nothing on the other line.  “Tori?” you call.  “Toriel?”

She’s not answering.  You wait a few more minutes, then hang up.  You send her a goodnight text and hope she’s okay.

☠☠☠

_*Oh dear.  Did I fall asleep on you?_

_*is that what happened  
*haha im rubbing off on you_

_*I am so sorry.  
*I feel much better now.  Thank you so much for talking to me._

 

You tell her you’re welcome, but the pleasure’s all yours.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hello, [___]'s (brother/sister)" is how I greet all of my friends' siblings. Well, actually it isn't, but that's how my siblings' friends greet me. This fanfic is basically all just me complaining about the things in life that annoy me. Including my former roommate who left her underwear on the microwave one time. It's also a soriel fic i guess.
> 
> This chapter answers the question, Does Toriel have kids? Yes but they ded. It sad. Okay I actually cried a little when writing this. I wrote it to "Memory" which makes me cry anyway.
> 
> Important notice: If you're wondering if it's okay to draw fanart for this fic, this is a multiple choice question. Here are the answers.  
> [A]Heck Yeah [B]Heck Yeah  
> [C]Heck Yeah [D]Heck Yeah  
> IN SHORT, JUST MAKE SURE TO TAG ME!! I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!


	10. Shows Great Potential

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the trigger warning "child abuse" to the tags. There's some heavy shit in this chapter, and it only gets worse from here until it will inevitably get better. Like all hard things in life do.
> 
> Also the chapter wasn't supposed to end here but I realized it had been a week so I decided to post whatever I had. as usual friendly reminder that backstory is in past tense

Papyrus seems glum this morning.  He stares at his breakfast, not asking if you’ve changed your clothes since yesterday, or even nagging you to drink your milk.  This tugs at your conscience and nearly makes you pour yourself a glass.  But your unwillingness to drink milk wins, and you leave the carton where it is.

“What’s up, bro?” you ask.  “You seem down.”

Papyrus sighs heavily.  “I think I may be failing.”

“What.”

He stares down into his bowl.  “I work hard, all the time.  I have Undyne to help, and still, my grades are mediocre at best!  I wish I knew what to do.  I fear that... we’re both in the wrong places.”

“You wanna move?”

“No!”  He looks away from his cereal and up at you.  “I think that we would do better in each other’s places is what I am saying!”

“Nah, you don’t wanna be in my place.”

“I would _not_ be working in fast food.  But I think that if I were the one working, I would choose better jobs and pace myself properly.  I would sleep at normal hours and work very hard and still find the time to come home and make dinner.  And if you were in school, you would breeze by with no problem like you always have!  You would do so much better!”

“College isn’t all studying, man.  It’s also papers and projects—”

“I _know,_ I’m _there._  And I don’t do well on assignments either!  They tell me I’m not allowed to write essays in all capital letters!  I _like_ capital letters!  They make me feel... big.”

You’d give him a pat on the arm if he weren’t sitting across from you.  “You’re already big.”

 _“Anything_ looks big to you.”

“Ouch...”

“Sometimes... ugh, I cannot believe I am saying this, but I wish I were as smart as you.”

“What.  No, I’m a huge idiot.  Cmon, Pap, this is common knowledge.”

“Perhaps that is the problem!  If you only had a little more self-confidence, you’d realize how very the opposite of true that was!  And then you could take all my classes for me and become a giant success.”

You’re starting to suspect that the meaning of your dream is that the dead spirit of the old man lives on through Papyrus.  Your brother’s always encouraged you to try harder, but now that you’ve told him over and over that you’re not interested, he keeps persisting.  He means well, but it’s hard to explain to him that you really don’t share the same goals.  That is, you have no goals at all.  And Papyrus has plenty of them.

“What’s eating you?  I never hear you putting yourself down.”

“The thing that is eating me is the flawed education system,” Papyrus sighs.  “And I have this paper to write by next week...  If I get lower than a B minus, I will fail the semester!”

“Oh.  That’s uh... not good, is it.”

“I am going to _fail,_ Sans!”

“No you’re not.  You’ll do fine.”

“And what if I don’t?  What if I have to repeat the semester?  After all the help I have had from you and Undyne—”

“You go at your own pace.   _I_ think you can do it, but if you need a bit more time, you know I’ll keep supporting you.”  Yeah, that’s what, a few months longer that you’d have to live?  Not a big deal, you’ve been going for this long already, haven’t you?

“Thank you, but I am not going to let all your hard work go to waste!  Since everyone is putting their hopes in me, I can’t do anything less than my best!”

“I believe in you, bro,” you tell him.

“In that case, I believe in myself, too!”  Papyrus grins.  He clenches his fist.  He’s trying his best to channel Undyne.  You really hope she can help him out here.

At least... you can help him out by encouraging him.  Papyrus receives encouragement well.  It’s all it takes to get him motivated.  You wish you could get moving that easily.  You hate to be pushed.

The old man saw exactly what Papyrus envied.  He saw that you usually got good grades without having to try.  It was all well and good, because you hated working hard.  Back when you were kids, Papyrus was just as diligent of a student, and still brought home mostly B’s and C’s.  It would have been enough for him if you didn’t sleep through all your classes and somehow pull straight A’s.

Numbers on a report card never mattered to your teachers.  They all hated you.  They slandered you in all their teacher’s comments, those little things that they wrote on your report cards.

_“Sans is a bright student but shows little interest in learning.”_

“W-well...”  You can still distinctly hear the old man’s wheeze.  “You are clearly learning _something,_ aren’t you?”

“Ha, I know, right?”

You’ve seen the same words so many times that you’ve memorized them.  Your grade school teachers were really uncreative.   _“Sans needs to understand that certain behavior is not appropriate in a classroom setting.”  “The only time Sans ever picks up his head is to make a smart comment.”  “Sans’s rudeness and lack of mental presence disrupts the learning environment.”_

The three words that you saw strung together most often were “Shows Great Potential.”  That was the one thing the old man agreed with.  You had great potential.  At first, “class participation” was the one thing they could fail you at, which the old man didn’t seem to think was all that important.  But it was exactly like Papyrus said.

It was too easy for you.

You didn’t learn early enough how to work hard, and that’s your excuse for becoming an underachiever.  As for Papyrus, coming in second was the best thing that could have happened to him.  He came home with “excellent”s in class participation and effort and whatever bullshit grades that seemed to stop mattering after fifth grade.  Comments about how he was a joy to teach, _very_ interested, always asking great questions, but the words “shows great potential” never seemed to show up.

He worked hard for the few A’s he could achieve, always excited to show his dad.  The old man would be forced to crack a smile and stammer some empty praise.  As Papyrus’s grades got better, yours started to plummet.  You got older.  School got harder.  And you saw how happy he was, so you weren’t exactly disappointed.

The comments were nicer, since the teachers started having valid reasons to give you bad grades.  Incompletes.  More lack of interest.  Greater Shows Great Potential.  Papyrus was delighted.  He thought maybe now that he was doing better than you that meant his dad would love him more.

You kinda hoped so too.

The old man just thought it was sad.  “If _Papyrus_ can do it,” he said, “you shouldn’t have a problem.”

“Heh,” you laughed.  “If _Papyrus_ can do it.  He’s not an idiot, yknow.  Maybe he’s actually the smart one.”

His eye twitched.  He said he knew you could do better.  He said it with what was probably meant to be a warm and caring smile.  When he did that, it looked like his face was melting.  Being the little ass that you were, it was like you were goading him to punish you.  In some weird way, you thought it might make him like Papyrus better.  It was a terrible plan, which you know now because it didn’t work.  But you were young and your plans weren’t that well thought out.

He wouldn’t tolerate it.  He blamed Papyrus.  For your own sake, he said, he had to separate you.  You spent hours confined to the lab in the basement working to bring your grades back up to perfection.  The old man wouldn’t tolerate anything less than your best.  He was nice enough to provide a cot and leave you dinner if you did your work.  Hopefully a few weeks without seeing your brother would encourage you to do better.

 _This hurts me more than it hurts you,_ he would say.  It was all for your own good.

It wasn’t enough for him.  He decided that your issues in school were due to attention problems.  He put you on meds for ADHD and had you take them on nights when you had a lot of homework.  When it screwed with your sleep schedule he put you on meds for that.  Everything in the doc’s opinion could be solved with artificial brain stimulants.  You didn’t even recognize some of the pills he gave you.

Once, you asked to see a _real_ doctor.  He got really offended.  He _was_ a real doctor, and who better to diagnose you?  No doctor could possibly know you as well as he did.  He knew exactly what you needed.

You spent your teen years so heavily drugged that you didn’t know who you were anymore.

You weren’t the best at remembering to take your pills.  Even with the high risks of withdrawal symptoms, you just forgot.  It took a violent panic attack for anyone to notice something was up.  

It’s not one of your favorite memories.  You’re sure you would have died if Papyrus wasn’t there.  At least, you felt that way at the time.  You felt sure that your whole body was going to shatter.  Papyrus stayed with you until it was over.  He stayed with you long afterwards to make sure you were okay.  You swore to yourself that you’d never put him through that again.  

The doc thought it served as a healthy reminder.  Papyrus kept close watch on you from then on and reminded you every morning to take your medicine.

You should have at least tried to get help.  You claim that it was the drugs he put you on that turned your brain to mush and made you into a sheep, but really, you’ve never had much of a fighting spirit.  You eventually just did whatever he told you to avoid punishment.  You couldn’t even bring yourself to confide in Papyrus.  He was convinced the man was doing it all out of love.

He knows how you felt now, so he doesn’t bring it up.  He won’t talk about Gaster, at least to you.  You wonder how he feels about him now.  He probably doesn’t know how to feel about him.  Papyrus never lived a normal life, so he doesn’t have anything to compare his to.

He might have had a shot at one if, well...

If you didn’t totally screw that up for him.

☠ ☠ ☠

_*Hello._

_*hi  
*whats up tori_

_*Well, nothing.  
*How are you?_

_*just bored huh_

_*..._

_*hey im chill with that  
*haha dont listen to me im an asshole_

_*What did we say about saying bad things about yourself._

_*this is a conversation i dont remember having  
*did i get drunk again_

_*In short, do not do that._

_*got it_

_*Well then...  
*How is your life?  How is your brother?_

_*hes uh  
*having a bit of a hard time_

_*Oh no!_

_*not much i can do to help him_  
_*i might if_  
_*i got home earlier_  
_*hes not really awake late at night_  
_*and im not awake in the morning_  
_*it kinda sucks_

You have a plan for after he graduates.  If you can hold out for that long, you’ll wait until you can quit one of your jobs and spend a couple blissful weeks doing nothing but poking Papyrus in the face.  Course, you might want to start living after that.

_*That is a terrible shame.  I wish there was some way I could help._

_*whoa there lady slow down_

_*Alright, I take that back then.  
*What is wrong?_

_*hes got a paper due_

_*What subject?_

_*god i have no idea_  
_*i dont even know what hes taking anymore i think its uh_  
_*shit_

_*Aren’t you the one paying for this?_

_*its uh, complicated  
*spare me the interrogations please_

_*I am sorry._

_*no stop doing that  
*youre a gem tori dont feel bad_

_*If I am a gem, you could even say I rock!_

_*yeah thats it_

You pull out some rock puns, but you’re heart’s not really in it.  Why don’t you know what Papyrus is doing anymore?  You’re a terrible brother.  You probably do know, it’s probably hidden in the back of your memory.  He’s probably told you a million times.  But you can’t remember anything.

It’s making you nervous.  The fact that everything you used to be is dropping one by one.  The trombone is gone, your old science fiction novels were all sold on ebay, your pet rock is dead...  You couldn’t even pretend to keep a pet rock anymore.  At least you still have Grillby’s, even though the fond memories of laughing and guzzling ketchup have been replaced with aches and pains in your back and joints.

Despite everything, you’re still you, because you make stupid jokes and you care about your brother.  He’s the one thing you’d never let go of.  But you barely ever see him anymore, and when you do, he tires you out.  The day you stop caring about Papyrus, well...

That’s when you might as well be dead.

Then again, life’s actually been bringing you new surprises lately.  You never thought you’d have something to look forward to every day.  Seeing Toriel’s texts, well...

It makes you almost want to get up in the morning.

☠ ☠ ☠

Papyrus texts you at night to say you’re out of pasta, and asks very nicely if you’d please pick some up at the store for him.  Late-night grocery shopping’s a pain, but your brother does love his pasta.  He probably wants spaghetti, but you’re distracted by all the different types of pasta on the shelves.  There’s a lot more than spaghetti.  There’s so many different types of pasta.  You never would have thought it pastable.

You think you see pasta that’s shaped like snail shells.  You ask Toriel if that’s a thing.

_*Yes, it’s called lumaconi!_

Perfect.  You purchase the lumaconi and leave it on the table.  Papyrus is gonna go nuts.

☠ ☠ ☠

Papyrus cooks the stuff and you’re disappointed to see such a work of art pulverized.  Toriel offers to give you a recipe.  Again, she says, she can give your brother cooking tips.  She asks you everything that’s wrong with Papyrus’s cooking.

_*for starters it sucks_

_*Please be more specific._

_*uh_  
_*havent watched him cook in a while but_  
_*he cooks very_  
_*aggressively_  
_*he makes his own sauce by punching the vegetables_  
_*i dont think he even knows what vegetables hes punching_  
_*if hes not feeling up to hurting them hell just pet them_  
_*he heats up the oven as hot as it can get_  
_*he learned how to cook from his friend whos uh_  
_*aggressive_  
_*in short shes banned from the kitchen_

_*That sounds very intense..._  
_*Perhaps I can write down all the proper steps to preparing a good lumaconi dish and send them to you._  
_*Pretend you got them off the internet._

_*if im pretending to be you that would make me an impasta_

_*You must pastapologize for that one._

_*dont get mad at me fusilli reasons  
*thanks fiori your help_

_*Any time.  
*You gnocchi im always glad to help.  ;)_

Is it possible to be in love with a woman you’ve never seen?  God, it must be, she’s perfect.

☠ ☠ ☠

The note Papyrus leaves with the leftover pasta the next day seems offended that you lack confidence in his pasta-making skills.  Undyne says that he’s good, so why should he take advice from someone who doesn’t know the first thing about cooking?  Then again, he supposes, it’s all a matter of taste and preference.  So for this dish, he took all of your advice.  It’ll be best if you eat it hot.

You’re scared but also excited to try it.  You heat it up and take a reluctant bite.

It’s... edible.

You tell Toriel immediately.  She sends her congratulations with several partying emojis.  You can actually stand to eat the contents of the entire tupperware container.  You’re so proud of him.  He’s improved so quickly.  You leave him a note on top of his to tell him that.  

The next day, he responds with a note apologizing that he won’t have time to make any more pasta until after his paper is due.  Hopefully, there’s enough leftovers to get you through the week.   _PLEASE,_ he begs you, _DO NOT FILL YOUR BODY WITH MORE GARBAGE.  FILL IT WITH MILK AND SALAD.  YOU WILL HAVE TO SURVIVE UNTIL I HAVE TIME TO COOK AGAIN._

Your heart breaks a little to see how much stress he’s under.  He usually has no trouble believing in himself.  You don’t know how he manages it, knowing how little support he had growing up.

A long, long time ago, your good dead friend once made the effort.  He did whatever he could to please you.  Until he gave up on that.

But those little moments when Papyrus genuinely believed he cared... that seemed to be enough to keep his confidence up.

☠ ☠ ☠

Jack of all trades, master of none, that was Papyrus.  Now he cooks.  As a kid, he loved doing puzzles.  You found that puzzles could be fun sometimes, but your brother’s enthusiasm was unmatchable.  Dr. Gaster was the one who introduced Papyrus to his love of puzzles in the first place.  He gave them to you, and you gave them to Papyrus.  After he took you in, Papyrus worked very hard to get better at them.

He really wanted to impress the man.

“Dad, dad!”

You cringed whenever he called him that.  When Papyrus heard the front door opening, he jumped up to greet his new dad.  You watched him run over to him, clutching a sheet of paper in his hand.

“I solved the suduko puzzle!  See, I figured out that you have to get all nine numbers in each big square—  It says at the top that it’s difficult, but I found it very easy!”

You joined Papyrus and locked eyes with the man.  You gave him a smile.  He quelled under your look and bent down to take the paper.  His eyes scanned it.  “There’s a lot more to it than that,” he told Papyrus.  “It’s not only the squares that have to have the numbers one through nine, it’s also every row and column.  Here.”

He handed Papyrus back the paper.  Papyrus looked crestfallen.  “Oh.  So... so it’s still easy!  One second, I’ll fix it!”

He ran off with the paper.  “You look tired,” you told the old man.

“Yes.  But... we still have work to do.  You and I.”

Before he took you in, Dr. Gaster promised to show you his lab and let you help him with all his projects.  But he had a lot to teach you first.  He said you were going to inherit everything someday.  It seemed cooler when he was still telling you about it.

“Nevermind, this is not as easy as I thought...”  Papyrus returned to the front door.  “Daaad, could you help me with this?  Just... show me how to do it?  It’s so confusing...”

You didn’t even have to give him another look.  He knew the drill by then.  He followed Papyrus into the kitchen and sat with him at the table.   _This is gonna take as long as Papyrus needs it to,_ you thought.  He probably heard you because you were thinking it so hard.  The old man took a pencil and taught him the secrets of Sudoku.

“Why don’t we... try an easier one?”

Papyrus gave in.  The old man brought out a new book with more Sudoku puzzles.  “I don’t have much time.  Here, why don’t you do this easy one.”

“Can you help?”

He had already done his part, so you might have forgiven him if he said no.  But you thought you saw something shift in his eyes.  Something that saw Papyrus’s earnestness and softened a little.  He and Papyrus sat at the table for nearly an hour working on the puzzle.  They looked like they could be father and son.  It was everything Papyrus had ever wanted.  You took off to give them a few minutes alone.  Maybe they’d have an easier time bonding if they weren’t under your scrutiny.

Finally, you heard Papyrus cheering that he had filled in the whole thing.  You crept back into the kitchen and saw the old man congratulating him.  He asked him if he would solve a couple more and show him when he got back.  He called for you, and then saw you standing in the doorway.  “Yeah,” you told him without waiting for him to say anything.  “I’m ready.  Let’s go.”

You followed him into the basement thinking that maybe you were wrong about him, and you did have a chance after all.  Maybe it was your fault you could never feel like a proper family.

“Hey,” you told him, once the door was closed.  “You made Papyrus really happy.”

“Yes...”

Maybe... just maybe you could have left things like that.  But as the kind of kid you were... you just had to keep him walking on eggshells.  “You’re getting better at pretending.”

The old man paused.  He reached into his pocket, drew out his glasses, and put them on.  “Let’s just get to work.”

“You don’t even—”

“I’m tired.”

You searched his face.  Could you still be wrong...?  You hoped you were wrong.  But that shift you saw in his face... it was gone now.  All you could recognize was disgust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I APOLOGIZE FOR THE DISTURBING LACK OF TORIEL IN THIS CHAPTER. just. this is a skelebros fic as well as a soriel one. Will Sans and Toriel ever do more than talk on the phone? the answer is yes just. just stay with me please
> 
> Lots of details in this chapter were based on true, sad stories friends of mine have told me. So yes, there are some details that I'm pulling out of my ass, but not all of them. Adderal withdrawal isn't pretty. And if you need help, in short, never rely only on medication.
> 
> VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: my mom got me a starbucks card so luckily my fanfiction is better funded. this means hopefully quicker updates in the future. hopefully.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare to get your fukcin hearts broken kids.  
> the warnings from before still apply, that's all I'll say.

Drunk Buns is here.  But her head is planted firmly on the table, so you decide not to disturb her today.  Then again, what kind of friend would you be if you didn’t say hi...?

You wake her up gently with an airhorn.  She screams and flails until she sees it’s just you.  Grillby gives you a warning glance.

“Hey.”  You turn around and see Red emerging from the bathroom.  She returns to her usual stool beside Ugly and glares at you.  “Quit giving Grillbz a hard time.”

Grillby stays silent.  Ugly shrugs and says the other customers don’t seem to mind.  He seems to be right.  At this time of night, it’s only the regulars who are here.  They’re used to you.  No one besides for Drunk Bunny bats an eye.  Red apologizes.  She thought there might finally be someone else here, but hoping to see new faces was probably just wishful thinking.

On a quiet night like this, you guys would usually be partying by now.  But the mood seems pretty somber.  You’re not feeling up to livening up the place.  Drunk Bunny goes right back to sleep.  “What’s up with you guys?” you ask.

“Guess we’ve all just accepted the fact that none of us are ever gettin’ laid,” says Ugly.

Red sighs.  Bigmouth groans.  Drunk Bunny makes some sort of burbling noise behind her hair.  “Remember when we said we were all just gonna bed Sans?” says Bigmouth.

“Uhh...”  You didn’t agree to this while you were drunk, did you?

“I do,” says Red.  “I don’t know, guys, I think Short Stuff’s just....”

“Unattainable?” asks Ugly.

“Yep.  No more taking the easy way out.  Instead we just... won’t take any way out at all.  Ever.  We’re stuck like this, guys.  Forever.  And ever...”

“So the bonezone’s closed then?” Ugly asks.

The bonezone was never open to begin with.  But you’ve let them hold onto their hope.  “I thought of a better name for the Bone List,” Bigmouth mumbles.  “Boners for Loners.”

“That’s us,” Ugly agrees.

“Wha...”  Bunny picks up her head.  “Who has a boner...”

“Welcome back to the world of the living, Buns,” says Red.

Your friends sit around bemoaning their fate as singles.  This is your company.  They want to know what you’ve been doing.  Surely you’ve been getting some sexy action while the rest of them steeped in piles of their own sad shame.  Clearly you’ve been getting it on with that person you keep texting.

You put your phone away.  “It’s Papyrus you sickos,” you lie.

Bunny asks if she can talk to him.  Your friends have met Papyrus before.  The first time he came in to fetch you, they were very excited to meet him.  He was pleased to meet them too, but a little overwhelmed when Drunk Bunny started caressing his biceps and Ugly asked what he was doing later.  Eventually he freaked out, told them it was past his bedtime, grabbed you, and left.  He carried you under his arm like an umbrella.

Since meeting him, they've decided that if he came to Grillby's more, he'd be even more desirable than you.  You've had to agree.  But now...

"I don't know, guys, he may flunk out of school.  Like me."

"I thought you dropped out," says Bigmouth.

"Uh.  Yeah, you're right, that was it."

Red asks what's going on.  You tell them your brother may not turn out to be the successful stud of their dreams.  You tell them this to discourage them from hitting on him, because if they keep it up, one of them will wind up in his bedroom because Papyrus will think that they just want a friendly little sleepover.  If they mentioned "Netflix and chill" he'd put on Netflix and crank up the air conditioning.

"He don't needa be— _hic_ — rich," says Drunk Bunny.  "I'll be his sugar momma if he flunks."

"You're not allowed near Papyrus unless you're absolutely loaded."

"Well, none of us are rich or all that successful," Ugly says, "so... I just need like, a million dollars, and then it's a date?"

"You'll have to ask Papyrus."

"HE'S— _hic_ — A MILLION A NIGHT?"

"You're selling your brother for that cheap?" asks Red.  "Really?  Doesn't college cost about that much?"

What difference does it even make anymore, you ask.  None, they agree.  Nothing really makes a difference.  Their mood doesn't do much to lighten up yours.  Eventually, they leave, and you have to clean up after them.  It's been a slow day, but you're even more tired than usual.

Home's a few blocks away, and the day's only 24 hours long.  But both seem twice as long.  You stagger back home, trying to keep yourself from falling over and dying.  You're too tired to even check your phone.

Your friends don't scare you.  They're not really gonna jump on Papyrus as soon as he flunks, they just tease you for fun.

If it weren't them, you might have started a few fights, snapped a few necks….  Taking advantage of Papyrus would be as easy as catching Drunk Bunny shitfaced.  If someone got him in bed...  He wouldn't say no.  Not even out of sheer ignorance, you're confident that he's hopefully smarter than that.  He'd just do it to be nice.  He'd do anything to be nice.

You've seen it all before.  In your dreams, in your memories...  Papyrus offering friendship, only to wind up with his head in the dirt.

It could be that the nightmares are just nightmares, and have no deeper significance.  It makes sense.  That your nightmares just reflect your most obvious fears.  Your fears that someone will take advantage of your brother’s heart of gold and break him into little smiling pieces.  He's been hurt before.  And he's refused to fight back.

In your dreams, he's slaughtered in a second.

You know that it has less to do with Gaster and more to do with that kid you keep seeing.  But there's nothing you can do about that.  As long as the kid leaves you alone, you won't do anything about them.

Your phone buzzes.  You'll check it tomorrow.  You attempt to shove the key into its lock, miss several times, and finally twist it open.  You're dreading the rest of the night.  You know you won't be able to sleep, despite how much you want to.

The last thing you expect is for a massive projectile to come flying at you.

"SAAAAANS!"

You swerve to the side to dodge it, and it goes crashing into the wall.  You recover from your shock and recognize the body of Papyrus picking itself off the floor.

"Ugh, Sans, why~?"

"Reflexes."  You wink and offer him a hand up.  "What're you doing up this late?  It's past your bedtime."

"I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY TO SHOW YOU!"  He bounces excitedly.  Good news...?

He shoves a paper in front of your face.  It blocks off your vision.  "What."

"LOOK AT IT!"

"I'm blind."

He moves the paper.  The words are too blurry to make out.  You blink, but your vision is still swimming.  "I didn't get a B minus, I got an A plus!  I didn't even know they still gave A pluses in college!  This has brought my grade back up significantly!"

You don't seem to hear that.  You're not sure what you're hearing.  Words are taking several seconds to reach your brain.  Papyrus's energy is blinding you.  You weren't prepared for this.

He seems happy, so you pat him on the arm and offer some weak congratulations.

Papyrus's smile fades.  "What is wrong with you?" he asks.  "Do you even understand what this means?  I'm not going to fail!"

"That's, uh... that's good."

"Alright, I see."  Papyrus puts down the paper.  "I get it.  Go to bed, Sans."

"Ok."

He looks disappointed.  You probably did something wrong.  He takes your shoulder and gently herds you in the direction of your room.  He tromps away with his shoulders hunched.  You close your door and fall onto your mattress.  You hear Papyrus's door slam.

Oh wait.

A plus— he passed.  With flying colors.  That's very good.  You pick yourself up and walk to his room.  Is he pissed at you...?  You're mildly pissed at yourself.

You open his door.  He pauses in the middle of getting himself into bed.  He looks at you.  You pause to get a smile back on your face.  "Uh, sorry about that, I was..."

"It's fine, I forgive you.  Clearly you need to sleep."

"Hey, A plus, that's amazing.  I don't think I even got one of those.  That's... really good.  Good job."

Papyrus beams.  "Thank you!  Regardless, you're swaying."

"Am I...?"  You thought it was just the room that was rocking back and forth.

Papyrus sends you back to bed.  Despite your exhaustion, you lay awake for a while, wondering why you aren't more excited.  Back in your high school years, you would have thrown him a party.  But all you can think now is that this really screws up your plans.

You'd been holding out on an extension of a few months before your final vacation.  It looks like that's not happening now.  It's both a good thing and a bad thing that you'll be leaving his life sooner.  It's a bad thing because it'll screw him up horribly for a while.  It's a good thing because... it'll only be a while.

You close your eyes and try to get your mind to stop thinking.  It refuses to sleep.  It reminds you to get cracking on your vacation plans.  You can't stay here forever.  You can't just stick around without a purpose and wind up dragging Papyrus down again.  You can't keep working, or else you'll finally break and that'll just make it harder to run away.

Papyrus is your only family, so he'd be the one who'd get stuck taking care of you once your body gave out.  You're not gonna do that to him.  Not any longer than you have to.

☠ ☠ ☠

Papyrus was never allowed in the lab.  But one day, some fifteen or so years ago, the old man left the door unlocked.  You and Papyrus were bored and ran around the house playing tag.  The old man warned Papyrus not to do anything rough with you.  But you were good at tag.

You weren't strong, but at least you were fast.  Very fast.  No one could ever catch you.  You always somehow won at dodgeball games just by being good at dodging.

It made playing with Papyrus fun when you were equally matched.  He ran through the house after you, determined to catch you.  Papyrus's determination to win beat your superior speed, and you were tagged "it."  You were gonna get him back for that.  You chased him into the hall, where he was backed into a corner.  The only way he could escape was through the door to the lab.  You had him now.

"Ha!" he yelled, and ran through it.  You ran after him and didn't hear the front door opening.

Papyrus ran in circles until you got dizzy.  Suddenly, you heard a crash.  You stopped running.  Papyrus froze where he stood.  He banged into a desk, and now a vial of something was lying broken on the floor.  A clear pink liquid spilled out around Papyrus's feet.

An unholy screeching of _"WHAT BROKE?!"_ made you both jump a foot in the air.

Footsteps pounded down the stairs.  Papyrus stood guiltily in his pool of shame.  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE?" Gaster yelled.

Papyrus didn't say anything.  The old man grabbed him by the collar and shook him.  "WHAT WERE YOU DOING?"

You'd never heard his voice raise above a wheeze before.  You were petrified by the volume.  "I was... It was my fault, I'm s-sorry, I'll clean it up!"

The man raised his hand and smacked him hard across the face.  The sound woke your senses and you stepped forward.  "THAT CANNOT BE REPLACED!"  Papyrus flinched.  Gaster’s hand balled into a fist, drew it back…  It collided with his face, you don’t know how many times, you weren’t counting.  You looked wildly around the room and found a bottle of something sitting on the desk.

"I'm sorry!" Papyrus cried.  He blubbered out a couple more apologies.  The old man released his collar and threw him down into the wall.  He cowered on the ground, covering his face.  You picked up the bottle.

"YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE IDIOT, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!  GO— GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

"I'm s-s-sorry..."

"GET OUT!"

"Hey."

Gaster turned around. You held up the bottle.  "Touch Papyrus again and I'll wreck everything in this place."

You threw the bottle hard against the ground.  It shattered instantly.

Several things happened at once.  The first thing you were aware of was a strange smell.  Then, suddenly, Gaster grabbed a piece of stray cloth and covered Papyrus's face.  You surged forward in panic.  A hand clamped down over your nose and mouth, smothering your face beneath the fabric of Gaster's coat.  He grabbed both of you in one arm and tugged you forward.

"Do not inhale the toxic fumes!"

You and Papyrus stumbled along behind him, struggling not to breathe.  He herded you outside until he released you in the middle of the lawn.  He stopped, looked at the house, and told you it should be safe here.

"I'm going inside to open all the windows," he said, his voice strangely calm.  "Wait out here."

Papyrus wondered out loud if he still had to go to his room.  "No," said Gaster.  "We'll have to wait at least a day for the fumes to clear."

He walked away.  "B-be careful!" Papyrus called.  The old man said nothing.

He disappeared behind the door.  Papyrus sniffled.  A nasty bruise was blooming under his eye.  You took his arm.  “You okay?” you asked.

“K-kinda dizzy...”

You felt it too.  Your head felt a little funny.  It must have been something you released into the air.  "Sans..." Papyrus sniffed.

"Hm."

"Why did you do that?"

You stiffened.  "I wasn't just gonna stand there and let him beat you up."

"I... I deserved to be punished!"

You tightened your grip on his arm.  You waited a long time.  Papyrus hid his face in one hand and started to cry.  You were pissed.  What happened wasn't fair.  What Papyrus did was an accident.  You broke that bottle on purpose.

Finally, the old man emerged, dangling his car keys in one hand and carrying a suitcase in the other.  "We'll have to stay somewhere else tonight," he said.

You piled into the car.  You sat next to Papyrus, still holding his arm, feeling like a hostage.  He drove you to a hotel.  It took a long car ride for Papyrus to stop crying.  But by the time you arrived, he was too fascinated by the place to be concerned about his pain anymore.  As soon as you got to your room he bounded to the bed closest to the window and claimed it.  In barely any time, he had significantly calmed down.

It seemed the old man did, too.  He instructed you again to stay where you were in his usual soft wheeze.  He went out and came back with pizza.  He brought out a bag of crushed ice wrapped in a towel.  He made to apply it to Papyrus face when you swiped at it.

Papyrus glared at you like he had no idea what was wrong.  You sat by as the old man gently instructed him to keep the ice on his face to bring down the swelling.  Papyrus appreciated the gesture and thanked him.  

He was being awfully nice.  You hated him for it.  You knew why he was acting this way, he saw that he had overstepped his boundaries and if you couldn’t forgive him for it soon enough you’d call child protective services on him.  There were so many reasons why you couldn’t do that yet.  For one thing, you had nothing to prove.  Papyrus seemed to like the man enough.  You couldn’t get him arrested on just a nagging suspicion that Gaster didn’t like him back.  You wanted to get out of here, but the old man was sharing a room with you.

You and Papyrus sat in bed watching TV until the old man flicked off the lights.  Papyrus drew an invisible line across the bed with his finger.  "This is my half and this is your half!" he announced.  "No rolling over, or kicking, or stealing all the blankets!"

"Hey, if I'm asleep, there's not much I can do."

"Rules are rules!"

"Okay, I get it."

He seemed to be enjoying himself.  He kept rubbing his face.  Tomorrow, it was going to look like he got in a really bad fight.  He lied down and was asleep in a matter of minutes.

You rolled over and stared out into the darkness, seething loud enough for the old man to hear you.  Where was he...?  He was so quiet you couldn't tell if he was even in the room or not.  "You here?" you asked.

Silence.

"I'm talking to you, old man."

"Oh.  I did not realize."

He sounded as mild as ever.  You sat up and looked for him.  You saw a tall shadow sitting on the bed next to you.  "I realized... yknow, back there, you grabbed Papyrus first.  I'm just wondering, was it because he was closer?  Or were you tryna prove something to me?  Or... were you just really that pissed off at me."

"I was only trying to get you both out safely," he replied.  "Whoever I grabbed hold of first was a coincidence.  As usual, you are overthinking things trying to make me into a villain."

"Cmere."

The old man reluctantly got up and walked over to you.  "So," you asked him.  "What're you gonna do to me?  I did something pretty bad."

"I only punish to let you know that your actions have consequences," said Gaster.  You could barely see his face in the darkness.  Something in it twitched.  "But... I think you've seen the consequences of your actions very clearly.  Since you nearly killed your brother."

He waited for your response.  One of your wisecracks.  Nothing came.  For the first time, he had rendered you speechless.  With that, he stood up and went back to bed.  You turned around, watching Papyrus’s chest rise and fall.  He didn’t snore yet, not back then, but his nose whistled every time he exhaled.

He’d warned Papyrus not to hurt you.  All this time, were you really the dangerous one...?  By trying to protect him, he was right, you put everyone’s life in danger.

☠ ☠ ☠

_*did you just send me a picture of pepe the frog_

_*No..._   
_*I sent it yesterday._   
_*You know this frog?_   
_*She is lovely._

_*his face sure is unfrogettable_

_*His?_   
_*Oh dear, have I been misgendering this poor frog?_

_*frogit about it_

_*I know a family named Froggit._   
_*Nice family...._

_*sounds ribbitting_

_*L.O.L._   
_*One moment.  I must catch up._   
_*Why are frogs so happy?_

_*hop to it_

_*They eat whatever bugs them!_

_*what do frogs order when they go to a restaurant_

_*French flies!_

_*i see_   
_*someone already toad you that one huh_

_*Oh, I’m doing a bit of research, and it appears that our friend Pepe is quite popular over the internet!_

_*tori tori i gotta interrupt you_

_*What could possibly be more important than a quality meme?_

_*my brother_   
_*he passed_   
_*a+_

_*Congratulations!!  
*I did not know they still gave those in college!!_

_*i think he said the same thing_

_*Sans, do as I say._

_*what_

_*Clap your hands together above your head!_

 

You do it.  Toriel commanded it, and you can’t possibly say no.

 

_*Did you do it?_

_*i did_

_*I just gave you the highest of fives!!_

_*ouch_

_*I’m sorry.  I do not know my own strength. u_u;  
*Pass it onto your brother, will you?_

_*will do_

_*I’m so happy things seem to be going better for you!  I was worried._

_*aw you dont have to do that_

_*I do!  You are my friend, and I care about your wellbeing._

_*heh i do too  
*howve you been?  what are you up to?_

_*As usual, not much._   
_*I’ve been alright._   
_*I currently have a pie in the oven._   
_*And... oh dear, I think I forgot to set the timer.  B.R.B. (be right back)._

_*ah nearly forgot that you like to bake_

 

You wait a few minutes for her to come back.  What if you baked...?  You can’t imagine doing it without some kind of ironic apron.  Something with “Cutie Pie” written on it or something.  Otherwise, what would be the point?

 

 _*It’s sort of compulsive..._  
_*I get in these moods sometimes where I cannot calm my nerves until I bake something._  
 _*Pies are my absolute favorite thing to bake.  They are so versatile.  Pie is generally seen as a desert, but it can be a side dish, or even a main dish.  A pie can be made out of nearly anything.  And nothing tells the season better than a well-placed pie at a holiday dinner._

 

You want to make a joke out of this, but it’s hard when she’s being so earnestly adorable.  No need to ruin some sweet lady’s enthusiasm over a poorly placed pie pun.

 

_*hey thats it  
*im gonna make him a pie_

_*Have you ever baked before?_

_*a pie  
*for paPIErus_

_*Oh.  I see.  That is an excellent idea.  
*What sort of pie do you have in mind?  Apple pie?  Chocolate pie?  Snail pie?_

_*snail pie?_

_*My personal favorite pie.  
*Do not judge.  It is as I say, only the French really know how to cook._

_*i thought you liked snails  
*you eat them_

_*One of these days, I will get you to try it._

_*nah i prefer fast food_

_*Oh, ha ha._  
_*(Ignore my sarcasm.  That was a good one.)_  
 _*Anyway, if you have no experience baking, I would not recommend snail pie as your starter pie.  What sort of pie do you think your brother would like?_

_*can you make spaghetti into a pie_

_*Probably!  
*Though... again, with as little experience as you have, I would start with something a little less experimental._

_*you know better than i_  
_*whats good tori_  
 _*better yet whats cheap_

_*Apple pie might be more on the expensive side...  
*You could always buy cheap cherry pie filling and bake it in a premade crust, but I would cry if you did that._

_*i wont do that to you_

_*Thank you, Sans.  
*Hmm.  Does Papyrus prefer butterscotch or cinnamon?_

_*idk  
*damn i should know this_

_*In that case, how about butterscotch-cinnamon?  
*Oh my gosh.  You have to make this one.  Look how it saved to my phone._

 

She sends you a file saved as “buttspie.”

 

_*Sans._

_*what_

_*SANS._

_*what_

_*Butts._

_*butts_

_*BUTTS.  BUTTSPIE.  Why can I not stop laughing?_

_*idk that is_  
_*pretty infantile_  
 _*even by our standards_

 

You’re glad she’s over wherever she is having a healthy chuckle.  You save the buttspie recipe and make several awful butt puns.  Toriel finds them hilarious.  You never thought you’d meet someone with a worse sense of humor than you, but hell, you’ve found her.  Her jokes are childish and idiotic and frankly very endearing.

You purge the cabinets for ingredients, but all you find is uncooked pasta, rotten vegetables, and a couple cans of premade sauce.  It hurts you to do this, but for this occasion, you’ll splurge a bit.  Turns out baking is expensive.  You sincerely hope that Papyrus will use all these ingredients in later cooking.  Toriel allows you to cheat by buying a frozen pie shell.  Making your own pie dough is a bit much for a beginner, she says.  She guides you through the grocery store over an indefinite distance.

Under normal circumstances, you would have no time to bake a pie.  But you can’t sleep anymore at night.  Better to tire yourself out until you pass out than to lie awake in the darkness for hours.  Toriel walks you through every step of the process.  Isn’t it a little late for you to be baking? she asks.

 

_*my congratulations was uh_   
_*lackluster_   
_*i gotta make it up to him by showing i care_

_*Do make sure to take care of yourself as well._

 

The results are... satisfactory.  Toriel asks for a picture.  You send her one.  She comments that it’s a little flat, but hey, it’s not burned, and that’s pretty good.  You cut yourself a slice, even though Toriel says that it’s better to gift it whole.

It’s... sweet.  You haven’t tasted anything this sweet in a while.  It’s actually not bad.  Nothing impressive, but for your first time, it can’t be terrible.  Toriel sends you emojis with party hats.  You feel an entirely new feeling welling up inside you.  You have no idea what it is.  You don’t recognize this feeling until it processes and you realize that...

You’re proud of yourself.

☠ ☠ ☠

Papyrus is surprised and impressed.  He sends his sincerest thanks via sticky note.  He’s glad to see that you’ve gotten yourself a hobby.  He thinks it’s healthy for you.  There’s another sticky note underneath, from Undyne of all people.  You didn’t know they made green sticky notes.  She reviews your pie and says you get zero stars for presentation.  Also, your baking lacks passion, the most important ingredient.  The inside is raw, but you get three generous stars for taste, and a whopping four for the decision to combine two great flavors.  Five stars for creativity.  That is, for your standards.  Overall, not bad for an amateur.

Those five stars go to Toriel, leaving you with approximately one and a half stars for the overall pie.  From Undyne, you couldn’t ask for better.  With her approval, you think that maybe baking might be a worthy hobby to pursue.  Toriel had the right idea in baking to relieve stress.  It really works.

You hate spending money, but baking may be a worthy investment.  Then again, there’s always the risk of falling asleep before taking the pie out of the oven.  For that reason, you don’t do it as often as you’d like to.

You decide to stop worrying about it and come to the conclusion that Papyrus passing was a good thing after all.  It means he’s happy.  That’s all that’s important.  With your new hobby, you sleep less than usual.  It’s fine.  You need sleep to live, and you won’t have to worry for too long about that.  Maybe you can let yourself actually enjoy something.  Let go for a while.

Things are really looking up for you.  For everyone.  It’d be perfect if it wasn’t so cold outside.  You stand for hours in the snow all day at your hotdog stand.  The hotdog business is doing well.  Everyone wants a nice fresh ‘dog to warm their cold bones.

The people who purchase their hotdogs are free to run along and seek shelter.  You, a hero of all weather, remain at your stand while the wind and snow blow through all your layers.  Your smile freezes onto your face.  Not that anyone else notices the difference.  Hell, _you_ hardly notice the difference.

It’s so cold outside.  Grillby’s is steaming, but even as you stand in the kitchen to thaw, the chill doesn’t seem to be leaving you.  It lodges itself in your lungs.  Cold season has approached.  Finally.  You stop attempting to make pies when you get home.  You get yourself to bed right away and hope it doesn’t get worse.  It was entirely your fault for taking even less care of your body than usual, but now you have an annoying cough that starts to keep customers away from your hotdog stand.

Toriel calls you because she feels in the mood to talk.  As soon as you hear her voice, all the chill melts away.  It warms your heart, warms your bones.

“We don’t talk often enough,” you tell her.

“I agree.  It is so much easier to communicate this way.  And... so much nicer to hear you laugh.”

The sincerity of that comment makes you chuckle.  “Are you alright?” Toriel asks.  “You sound a bit hoarse.”

“That mare not be my mane concern right now.”

“Are those... horse puns?  Sans, I’m serious.”

“Hay, I feel perfectly stable.”

“Have you caught a cold?”

“Don’t think anyone threw one.”

Toriel sighs.  “Please... do take care of yourself.  Do not keep staying up all night.  Better yet, try and get some extra rest.  You won’t get fired if you take a day off.”

“‘T’s just a runny nose.”

“Well, make sure it doesn’t develop into anything worse.  Keep warm... don’t stay outside for too long...”

“I work at a hotdog stand.”

“Then you really should take a day off.”

“Tori... you worry too much.”

“I cannot help it,” Toriel says.  “Do you have a fever?”

You feel your own head.  You have no idea how these things work, so you tell Toriel no.  You don’t feel feverish.  Just congested.

“I’m begging you, do not shrug this off.  An untreated cold can develop into pneumonia.  Please, _please_ get some rest.”

There’s not much else you can say to her.   _Sorry lady, supporting my brother’s my only reason for living, so taking a day off is literally the most counterproductive thing I could do right now._  She probably wouldn’t like that.  So you tell her, “Okay.”

She seems to read your mind.  “Better to take a day or two off now than to spend weeks recovering.”

“Ever thought about how a nose can run and feet can smell.”

“Yes.  Don’t try and distract me—”

“Cmon, Toriel.  You know what the best medicine is.”

It’s laughter.  Specifically her laughter.  You keep trying until you can make her laugh.  Someone interrupts and asks for a hotdog.  You give it to them and tell them to have a nice day while they mutter about bad customer service and useless hotdog vendors with no life and poor people in general.  When they’re gone, you go right back to talking to Toriel.

Screw the hotdog business and living to support Papyrus, you’re on cloud nine.  She’s an absolute delight.  But you see another customer approaching, so you lower your voice and hide your phone behind your hood.

You think you recognize this one.

With the snow swirling all around them, it’s hard not to envision a red sash of fabric flying through the air.  It’s hard not to see a knife in their hand.

Even though both their hands are empty.  The kid in the striped shirt doesn’t take a step closer.  They stand still, staring at you blank-faced as ever.  You stare back.

“Hello?”

Everything in the background fades.  You can only see the falling snow, and the striped kid standing at the center of it all.

“Sans?  Are you still there?”

The kid turns around.  They walk away into the crowd and disappear around a corner.

“Hi,” you say.  “Look, I uh... I shouldn’t be on the phone right now.  I’m in the middle of working...”

“Alright.  I understand.  Take care.”

The illusion is broken.  No matter how good things are, whenever that kid shows up, you get the feeling that somehow, something is going to go horribly, irrevocably wrong.

☠ ☠ ☠

_*You think you can beat me at skelepuns?_

_*ill exhaust you until youre skeledone_

_*Oh boy, you are going to have to skelerun._

_*not until ive had my skelefun_

 

You enter Grillby’s with an icicle hanging from your nose.  Grillbz looks away in disgust and hands you a tissue.  You absently wipe your face and continue with your tomfoolery.

 

_*ive got a skeleton of skelepuns_

_*Bring it on.  I will keep going until I’ve skele-won._

 

You clean one-handed while texting.  Strangely, you seem to be working twice as fast.  Nothing puts a creepy ghost kid from a past life out of your mind like good old skeleton puns.  You get your work done so quickly that you’re able to hide in a corner and keep texting until it piles up again.  Suddenly, Grillby taps you on the shoulder.

You turn around.  “I was just—”

He gestures with his thumb to the other side of the counter.  Behind his glasses is the hint of a friendly smile.  You turn yourself another forty five degrees and see Red and Ugly waving at you.  “Cmon,” says Red, “have a seat!”

Grillby nods.  You put your phone in your pocket and join them.

It’s a full crowd tonight.  Red, Ugly, Bigmouth, Bunny, Hamster, and Doggo are waiting for you.  ‘Ressa and her husband are making out in their own booth.  You even hear Doggo’s seeing eye dog barking from the outside.  Your friends pull you into a booth and crowd around you.

“He passed!”

“A plus!”

“Give the big guy a hearty slap on the back for me!”

“LETSH HAVE A PARTY!” yells Drunk Bun.

Your friends order you a hamburger.  Grillby puts little sprinkles on it.  “A plus,” you sigh.  “Man, my brother’s a genius.”

“Smart guys are— _hic—_ so hot...”

“He’s gonna go far in life, I promise.  I’m so proud of him.”

Your friends make a toast to Papyrus.  Your phone buzzes.

 

_*This has only skele-begun._

_*there can only be skeleone_

 

“Put that thing away,” says Ugly.  “Unless it’s your girifriend...”

“Cmon, Sans, take a break!” adds Red.  “I don’t know what you’ve got going on with this person, but...”

“This ain’t the time,” says Doggo.

You put your phone back in your pocket.  “Sorry guys, important business.”

You sneak your phone out whenever you can, while enjoying your friends’ company.  They’re all happy for you, happy for Papyrus, and even happy for themselves.  Even if none of them can get laid, maybe there’s more to life than sex.  They’ve got something better.  They’ve got friendship.  They’ve got the best squad in the world.

“That includes you, Grillbz!” Red calls.

Grillby hides his face behind his glass.

They order a couple beers and take turns toasting each other.  To Red for always translating for Grillbz.  To Bigmouth for having freakishly huge lips.  To Hamster for his unamerican political views.  To Buns for being Buns. To Ugly for being so ridiculously unattractive that he got rejected by his own reflection.

 

_*this fightings really tiring me out. cmon over and ill give you a nice hotdog in a steamed skelebun_

When a couple more customers show up, that signifies the end of your party.  It’s back to work.  You wash your friends’ dishes and bury your face in your elbow so you won’t sneeze into them.  Work’s piled up while you took a break.  The garbage is overflowing.  You bag it up, dragging it out the door while you continue texting.

The wind whips you right in the face.

 

_*damn... its freezing outside  
*cant wait till we get some skelesun_

 

It’s hard to concentrate on typing while the wind is stinging your eyes and you’re dragging a heavy bag of garbage.  You step forward, and suddenly, your foot meets empty air.  The bottom of your stomach drops as the world lurches.

It takes an eternity to fall through the air as only one thought takes a millisecond to register—

_Oh yeah._

_There was a step._

You twist around to gain your balance, and your foot slips on solid ice.  The rest happens in slow motion.  You’re sliding, and suddenly, time skips forward and you find your face in the ground.  A sickening sound like celery being snapped in half splits through the air.

Your nose is pressed against solid ice.  The cold barely registers.  There’s a pressure, a heavy pressure in your leg.

“Hey, who left the door open?”

☠ ☠ ☠

Something explodes.  There’s pain— just pain— nothing else.  You open your mouth.  Your voice is gone.  Just a hiss of air makes it out.  Your silent scream puffs up into mist around you.

“Sans?  ‘Zat you?”   _Footsteps.  Pounding._  “You okay?”   _Light..._  “Oh my god.  Holy— holy shit.”

Yelling... more footsteps... more pounding...  “What happened?  What happened?”

“Sans?”

“Did you fall?  What’s going—”

You try to lift your head, but you’re trembling too much to move.  Someone drops down, arms reach out.  Hands turn you over onto your back.  Your leg moves.

Another mute scream releases itself into the air.  You clench your teeth.  A mess of faces swirl in front of your vision.  “Oh my god.  His leg.”

“What?  Is it broken?”

“Motherfucker...”

More faces appear.  They surround you on all sides.   _“Hff...”_

“S-stay calm!  Hang on—”

_It’s so cold..._

“It’s freezing out here!  Help me out, we gotta get him inside—”

“No!  Don’t move him!”

_“Hff... hff...”_

“At least....  Hamster, give me your coat!”

Black fabric drapes over you.  It barely shields you from the wind.

“Sansy!!  Oh god, talk to me, Sansy!  Don’ die—”

“Move it, Bunny!”

_So cold..._

“Don’t crowd him!  Someone— someone call an ambulance, or... or 911 or something!”

“Why don’t _you_ do that?”

_“Pff... Gffh…”_

“Don’t fight!   _No one_ start fighting!”

A dog is barking...   _It hurts... it hurts so much...._

Your vision swims.  The heads blur together.  Suddenly, light floods your eyes again—

Another head joins the others.  It has flaming red hair.  You recognize that head.  Through the wind, through the pain... that’s Grillby.  Your favorite hothead.

The others clear out of the way.  It’s just Grillbz.  You try to breathe.  Try to stay conscious.  “C-ca...” you force the syllables out, one at a time.  The voices stop squabbling.  “C-c-call.... Pa...pyrus...”

Grillby nods.   _Good... this is good...._

The voices start up again.  It’s too much.  You can’t take it all.  Your eyes roll back.  The pain takes over.  Everything else is slipping away.

_“Hff... pfff....”_

_It hurts...  It’s too cold… Too cold..._  All your senses jumble together.  You can’t tell where the cold ends and the noises begin, but everthing blends into a white-hot mess of pain.  Someone tells you to hang on.  You lie there for god who knows how long.  You can’t.  You can’t hang on.

Papyrus…

He’ll be here soon…

The last thing you register is the sound of a siren blaring in the distance, and then, it all blissfully melts into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all knew this had to happen eventually.
> 
> The end of this chapter was largely based on a personal story that happened personally to me, even though I don't remember it. My mom broke her leg a little over 18 years ago. I was there, but a little over 18 years ago, I don't remember what happened because I was probably drunk or something and also like 4 months old.
> 
> Thank you mom for not letting me smash my skull.
> 
> This chapter, this story, everything I've ever created is dedicated to my mother who I love and... I don't tell her that often enough. Tell the people you love that you love them, kids.


	12. Getting a Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE MENTIONS, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION, ALL THAT DELIGHTFUL STUFF. This chapter is not a happy one.
> 
> also the first scene is backstory hence past tense yo

“Osteogenesis imperfecta.  Can you say that?”

“Nope.”

“Well then...”

The doctor explained that you had brittle bones.  Your memory isn’t the best, but at that time, you remember exactly how you felt.  You were... pretty bored.  At least now that they found out what was wrong with you, you hoped they were finally finished with all the testing.  

The doctor explained to you that you had to be very, very careful, because you were more breakable than other boys.  He thought it should have been obvious from the very beginning.  The blue tint of your eyes, your frequent fractures, he wondered if no one discovered it sooner simply out of neglect.  It was weird for any kid to spend as much time in the hospital as you did.  It took just one bad tumble to make you break something.

If only your parents were around, they could check to see if it ran in the family.

“Hey, doc,” you interrupted, “you said you had more books?”

“Hm?  Did you finish the other one?”

You nodded.  He asked what you thought of it.  You told him you thought the time travel junk was cool.  And you liked the girl, and her little brother.  You liked the three star ladies.  You even liked the giant evil brain.  You had tried telling Papyrus about it, but the science fiction details went completely over his head.

Your doctor seemed pleased.  “For a child your age, I’m extremely impressed that you understood all the concepts so well.”

You grinned.  Your arm was in a cast, broken for the third time in a row, but at least it brought you to meet a new friend.

Dr. Gaster seemed pretty cool.  He was going to give you new books to read.  He had taken a liking to you.

☠ ☠ ☠

It’s your fibula.  Shattered in four different places.  The worst part about this is that you had so many tibia jokes.  If you had to break your leg, you could have at least broken the tibia.

Tibia-honest that would have been...

No...

“I don’t feel a thing.  That’s no... no fib-ula...”  In a daze, you giggle stupidly.  “Sorry, that was trying too hard tibia good pun.”

“Oh for criminey’s sake!”

It’s true... it’s no small lie... it’s a big, huge lie.  It hurts.  Even through the haze of all the painkillers, you can still feel it.  You don’t want to think about what it’s going to feel like when it wears off.

“Calm down... it’s _spine...”_

“Your spine isn’t broken too, is it?”

“Heh heh...”

Your spine’s curved in ways that it shouldn’t, but that’s nothing new.  Scoliosis is old news.  Now your leg...  You barely saw it, but you don’t want to see it again.  It’s mangled.  Swelled to at least double its size.  You couldn’t tell where your ankle was.  The sight of it nearly made you pass out again.  They can’t fix it yet until the swelling goes down.  You don’t know how long it’s going to take.

Apparently, before you passed out, you asked for Papyrus.  You must have been delirious.  There isn’t anything he can do, nothing you want him to do but go back home and forget what happened.  His eyes are all puffed up, his nose is red, it’s been so long since you last saw him cry.  You’d almost rather be looking at your leg than at his face.

Grillbz called him, and he left right away.  But by the time he got there, the ambulance had already taken you.  On top of everything else, the thought of taxi fares seems so insignificant that you shouldn’t be worrying about it.  But how else would he have gotten here....

And what was he supposed to do now...?

“What time is it?” you ask.

“I don’t know.”

“What’s with that face?  You look worse than me.”

Papyrus nearly wipes his nose on his hand, then it dawns on his face that he realizes how unsanitary that is.  He grabs a tissue instead and blows his nose with a sound like a trumpet.  “If you’re going to lie there making horrible skeleton puns not even related to your injury, _someone_ has to do the panicking for you!  You’re... are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yep,” you lie.  You nearly crack up laughing because of how huge of a lie that is.  “Don’t want you doing anything for me I wouldn’t do for you...”   _Why don’t you go home...  I don’t know, take a nap or something...  Do some homework..._

“Do you need anything?  Anything from home?”

 _I need a time machine..._  “Nah.  It’s gotta be late... You can just, uhh... go back if you want.”

“Why?  It isn’t like there is anything urgent waiting—”

“Eh, who cares.  It’s pretty boring here...”

“I’m... not sure why you’re worried about my entertainment, but there was an interesting cartoon on television in the waiting room.  I would have been more entertained if I were not waiting to see you!  I’m glad to know you’re okay but...  Isn’t there... _anything_ you need?  Anything I can do?”

“Nope,” you sighed.  “Not unless you’re looking to hear more bad puns...  Sorry, I know Grillby called you here but—”

“I do not care what Grillby said!  Do you really think I need some sort of invitation to come see you after breaking your leg?  Whether you asked me to come see you or not, I would have done so anyway!”

“That’s nice of you.”

“Well...”  He trails off.  Looks like he can’t think of anything to say.  Neither can you.  You wanted him here, but now you really wish he was gone.  He’s too nice.  It’s taking all your energy to hold yourself together.  You don’t know how much longer you can hold out.  He came over so fast that you didn’t have any time to prepare yourself.

“Okay... let’s cut to the chase,” you say.  “How much is this costing.”

“I don’t know.  That wasn’t the first thing on my mind when I came to see you...”

“Welp, that’s... pretty important.  Are you gonna have to take another semester off or what?”

“Wow... It’s very generous to think of me right now.  But... don’t you think you should wait a short while before you let yourself worry about other things?  If I were you, I would be thinking something like, ‘Aaahh, the pain!’  But you are not me, so I have no idea what you’re thinking right now.”

“I’m thinking that... I just wanna know how many months of work went down the drain.”

Papyrus sighs.  “I don’t know.”  He pauses.  You close your eyes.  “Sans, I feel like...  Maybe, this was a mistake.”

“That I didn’t look where I was going...?”

“That you chose a job too physically taxing!  That... that I _let_ you!  I mean, not that...  Not that I’m trying to baby you in any way, but at some point in time, I should have recommended against it.”

“You have.”

“Generally for the smell and the hours, but not for the chance of physical injury!  All that grease, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten badly hurt sooner.  I tried to talk you out of it for all the wrong reasons.  It was irresponsible.”

“You can’t blame yourself...”

“I’m not.  I’m blaming Grillby.”

“Hey.  Don’t blame Grillby.”

“Blaming Grillby is the only way to get any compensation.”

“That’s... cold of you, bro...”  Papyrus has never liked Grillby’s, but this isn’t like him.  He’s acting differently.  It’s scaring you. _Is_ he acting differently...?  You can’t tell if he’s angry or not.  Either way, he’s angry at the wrong person.  This isn’t anyone’s fault but your own.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about Grillby.  But again, I’m not you.  So if I were you, I’d probably be _very_ worried about Grillby, and about money, as... that’s obviously what you’re worried about.  But if I were you and I still had my personality, I would focus on my own recovery!  And let my cool awesome brother take care of everything while I got better.  Which is what you should do.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it...”

“I’m not beating myself up at all.  Don’t worry about me either!”

“Ok.”  Seems like he’s still his usual self after all...  “I’m kinda tired...”

“That’s alright.  I can stay.”

“Nah, I think you should just... go back home.”

“You don’t want me to stay?”

Why does he have to make things so much harder...  “I’d rather...”  The drugs are making it even harder to find the right words.  “Rather sleep it off uh, on my own.”

He looks unsure of what to do.  After far too long, he finally gets up and reminds you to call him if you need anything.  He’ll come back tomorrow.  Rest well, he says.  You too, you reply.

You expect the waves to come crashing down as soon as the door closes.  But all you can say is, “Welp.”  With that word, you feel numb.  You guess it’s taking a while.  The initial panic, the inevitable guilt, the sinking in of the realization that in one fell swoop, everything just went to shit...

Papyrus was right.  It was stupid to get a job in a fast food place.  All you wanted was to be near your friends.  You hoped that would make you a little less miserable.  If you spent all your time working somewhere else, you might have never seen them again.

It was one little thing that you wanted to do for yourself.  You remember now why you stopped trusting your own judgement.  With each decision that you made, you’ve only dug yourself deeper.  You didn’t think wanting friends was too selfish.  Friends are just a basic life necessity.  There couldn’t be anything wrong with wanting friends....

When you were a kid, the only friend you wanted was Papyrus.  At the time it seemed innocent enough.  You wanted him, and he was practically gifted to you wrapped in pretty ribbon.  It took you too long to realize how messed up that was.

You should have just let him go.  You should have just let him be happy on his own...

☠ ☠ ☠

You mean to do your research on worker’s compensation and what hospital bills are commonly meant to be, but after several minutes of searching, you realize your phone is gone.  You must have dropped it outside the diner.  Just one thing on top of everything else; you’re probably gonna need a new phone.

This means Toriel skele-won by default.  For a while, you actually forgot about Toriel.  That was kinda rude...

There’s a phone in your room.  You could call Papyrus if you want, but for some reason, you can’t bring yourself to do it.

As promised, he visits the next day.  “You wouldn’t by any chance happen to have my phone on you?” you ask him.

“How very nice to see you too, Sans!  And by that I mean I wish you had said, ‘Good afternoon, Papyrus.’  But to answer your question... erm, no.  I’m sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it.”

You smile emptily at him.  He tries to make vague conversation.  How are you feeling today?  Hurts even worse than before, you answer.  The swelling’s going down slowly.  You’ll need surgery.  Papyrus promises to try and find your phone.

Every day that you stay in the hospital cuts deeper and deeper into your bank account.  There’s nothing you can do but wait it out until the swelling goes down.

You really, really hate hospitals...

When you were a kid, you would have given anything to let Papyrus keep you company while you were trapped there.  Now though... you wish he’d stop wasting his time.  He’s got stuff to do.  And you can barely talk to him.  He must think you’re mad at him, for whatever reason.

You must have spent half your childhood here.  The doctor explains how the procedure is going to work.  You tell him you know the drill.  They put you down with something that makes you forget whatever they did to you.  It’s that type of anesthetic.  You don’t remember if you were awake for it or not, but you kind of hope you weren’t screaming while they screwed your leg back up.

You think that while you were coming down from the anesthesia, Papyrus was holding your hand at some point while you drooled at him.  You might have been imagining it because, you saw a beautiful angel holding your hand at another point.  The angel was Toriel and spoke to you with Toriel’s musical voice.  The most unrealistic part of this hallucination wasn’t that she had glowing white wings, it was that... you got to see her at all.

You keep waiting to feel something.  Anything.  Maybe it’s just too much, so your emotional nerves just shut down.  Being in shock, that’s what it’s called.  You’re still in shock.  It’s like this is all happening to someone else.  Some other guy who inconveniently has depression and can’t afford for this to happen.  The time passes slowly, but it does pass, and before you know it, they’re sending you home to clear your space.

Papyrus seems pretty indignant that they’re kicking you out before you’ve had any time to recover from your surgery.  He carts you home in an old wheelchair that you’ve had around since one time years ago when you sprained both your ankles.

“Well, _you’ve_ been quiet, haven’t you?” Papyrus asks.

“Huh.”

“Well... it’s good to have you back.”

For a second, hearing that actually makes you feel... good.  For a second.  You reach the stairs, and realize getting up them is going to be a bit of a challenge.  Papyrus cheerfully offers to give you a free ride.  You’ll have to climb up on his back.  You clamber up awkwardly.  He complains that you’re not holding tight enough.  You’re slipping.

The climb takes a while.  You must have gained weight since the last time he gave you a piggy-back ride.  He tells you you should eat less.  You vaguely listen to his nagging and nearly fall asleep on him by the time he reaches your room.  He deposits you carefully on your mattress and comments again that you’re being awfully quiet.

“Guess I’m just _bone tired.”_

“Alright!  Glad to see you’re handling this well...”

“Yep.  It’s skull.”

“It’s... cool?”

“Said it was _skull,_ numbskull.”

Papyrus frowns.   _“Anyway,”_ he says, “since you were so concerned about money, I had a talk with Grillby and he’s going to help cover your medical expenses.  Not out of revenge, but because it’s the law.  This took a lot of googling.  I also have quite a bit in my emergency savings—  Money will be a bit tight for a while, but it’s nothing we can’t survive.”

“What about you,” you ask.  “You’re...  You can still go back to school, right?”

“Luckily, you’ve picked a good time to break your leg!  I’ve got winter break coming up very shortly, and I’ll make some extra money then!”

“Who’s gonna hire someone just for a month...?”

“Undyne said she’d help me find a temporary job!  Your friends were even willing to make some... very generous donations.”

“Did you take em?”

“Um.  I wasn’t sure if—”

“If they offer again, take it.”

“Ah.  Got it.  Yes, so, Undyne said that if we need anything, she’ll help out in any way that she can.  She’s already been giving me rides to the hospital.”

“Ah.”  So that’s how he got there.  At least he didn’t spend money on a cab...  That’s good...  You should probably be nicer to Undyne next time you see her.

“See?  I told you I would get everything taken care of!   Now that I’ve done such a great job, all you have to worry about is how awfully unbearable the pain is!  Besides for that, everything is going to be fine!”

“Good...”

_“Well?”_

“Thanks, bro.”

“You’re very welcome!”

Papyrus beams at you and runs off.  He comes back with cushions, tells you to keep your leg elevated, and repositions you on the mattress with your leg raised above your head.  He asks if you’re comfortable.   _I guess,_ you say.  He’s not satisfied with that.  He won’t give up until you’re resting in a nest of luxury.  You assure him you’re snug as a bug in a rug.

“Oh yeah,” he says, “I have more good news!  I nearly forgot!  Your friend who reeked of marijuana and bad life choices found your phone!   Hang on.”

He dashes out of your room and comes back with your favorite blessed rectangle.  “He said you got quite a few text messages, and then they stopped so... either your friend stopped texting you, or your phone shut off.”

You press a random button.  The screen stays dark.  The battery was probably low when you had it outside.  Makes sense, you’d been texting all day...

“Plug it in for me, will you?”

He plugs in your charger.  You turn on your phone.   _31 new messages.  Two missed calls._ Your heart sinks.  Papyrus looks over your shoulder.  “Wowie, you sure are popular!”

“Uhh...”  What’s the nicest way you can get him to leave...  “Bro... I’m telling you this because I love you, but... I’ve got this feeling.  This really bad feeling like... I’m about to crack a really bad fart.  You should probably get out of here.”

Papyrus jumps up like he’s been zapped with electricity.  “Thank you for the warning!” he yells, and runs away, slamming the door behind him.

Well, that worked...  You open your messages.  As you thought, they’re all from Toriel.

 

 _*It is time to break out the skeleguns._  
_*Nothing?  I thought this was your area of expertise!  I am skelestunned._  
_*It has been an hour.  I suppose I win by default._  
_*Do not leave me to goat in my victory alone._  
_*Oh dear.  “Gloat” is what I meant to say._  
_*Sans, you would not leave a poor lonely woman to goat all alone, would you?_  
_*You’ve goat to come back and let me rub my victory in your face._  
_*..._  
_*That one was beautiful, wasn’t it?_  
_*Alright, there are two very specific and awful puns I feel are inevitable here._  
_*Horny.  Boner.  There, I have said it._  
_*Now that that is out of the way, forget about those.  We are not allowed to bring either of them up._  
_*I am rather surprised you have never used “boner” before..._  
_*It seems like such an immature male thing to do._  
_*Are you conveying that you are in fact a very mature male?  What ever have I goatten myself into?_  
_*...This is getting to be rather pathetic._  
_*Listen to me, chattering away._  
_*I am sorry.  If you’ve possibly gotten in trouble at work for texting me..._  
_*Feel free to get back to me whenever you can._  
_*Well.  It has been a while. Are you alright?_  
_*I’m sorry about those terrible jokes.  They were completely uncalled for.  I apologize if you are busy, but if you’re alright, could you quickly let me know?_  
_*Forgive my paranoia.  If it isn’t any inconvenience, please let me know you’re doing okay._  
_*I’m... going to assume by now that you have either misplaced your phone, or you are upset with me for some reason.  I’m not entirely sure why, but if you are... tell me what’s wrong and I can properly apologize._  
_*Are you sick?_  
_*Please tell me you’ve been at least getting some rest._  
_*Perhaps you’re not getting my messages...?_  
_*I am going to call you._

One missed call.  It’s from Toriel.  A second missed call.  It’s... also from Toriel.

 _*Feel free to tell me to stop..._  
*Tell me anything, as long as you let me know you’re alive.  
*Alright.  Last text.  Please take care of yourself.  
*I lied.  I have one final request.  If you have quite possibly died... would you please look after my children for me?

 _*im here_  
*sorry tori  
*you okay?

 

On top of everything, you made a very sweet lady panic.  You wait by your phone, holding onto it, waiting for the buzz.  It’d make sense if Toriel were deliberately keeping away from her phone right now.  You hope she is for the sake of her own sanity, but you hope she’s not so that, well... she’ll see you’re alive...

 

 _*Thank heavens._  
_*What happened?_  
_*Did your cold worsen?_

_*nah nothing like that  
*like i said it was just congestion_

 

You wish it was just a bad cold...

Pneumonia seems like a pleasant walk through daisies right now...

 

_*Do you mind if I call you?_

 

You call her first.  She picks up after half a ring.

“Tori.  Hey.”

Toriel breathes a long sigh into the phone.  “It is so good to hear you...”

“See?  I’m not sick.”

“Good... I am very glad to know.”  She pauses.  You pause.  “I’m very, very sorry for all those frantic messages...”

“Don’t feel bad—”

“It was just... I cannot help but be paranoid.  Especially when it comes to illness.  You see... it was a fever that... that killed my poor Chara...”

Her breath hitches.  You hear a muffled sob on the other side.  “I’m... I’m sorry, please do not worry about me.  I am just glad to know you’re alright.”

You squeeze the phone.  It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself now.  You just wish you’d been able to get back to Toriel sooner.  “Don’t... don’t apologize.  It’s fine, it’s uhh... nothing as bad as a fever.  Something just came up.  I, uh... I broke my leg.”

“Oh...”

“I dropped my phone...  Took a while to get it back.  You know me, I wouldn’t just keep you hangin’ like that.”

“I... I believe you.  I’m very sorry to hear that.  I hope your brother is taking care of you.”

“Yeah...”

“Good.”

“He says he’s got everything covered...  Still not sure how much this cut out of his college funds.”

“I do hope he is more concerned about you right now.”

“Sounds like it...”   _Nothing you can do about that..._  “I’ll say hi to your kids some other time, okay?  Promise.”

“Oh.  Please ignore that.  I was rambling—”

“Buddy.  Pal.  Friend.  Sweet bonely pun-pal.  I’d be just as worried if it were you.”

“Heheh...”  That’s a happy sound.  “I would be flattered, I suppose, if I were you.  But I do hope that if you were me, you would not have been quite as heavy on the frantic text messages.”

You assure Toriel she has nothing to worry about, but by the time you hang up, you’re mad at yourself for lying to her.  Everything that’s happened in the last week just screws up your plans more and more.  Escaping somewhere secluded with a broken leg, setting everything up so Papyrus won’t think you’re dead... and now you’ve got Toriel to take care of.  You don’t think you can do that to her.  From what you’ve inferred, she’s both smarter and less optimistic that Papyrus.

If you disappear, she’ll know for sure that you’re dead...

Or if you just stopped talking to her, she’d infer that no matter what.

☠ ☠ ☠

“What’d you say?  How’s my brother doing?  He seems to be handling himself well!  He’s, well... he hasn’t been out of his room at all, but I think he’s using this time to sleep.  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was happy this happened!  Now he doesn’t have to go to work—”

You hear Papyrus’s heavy footsteps pacing outside your door.  You wait for Undyne’s heavy bootfalls, but he’s unaccompanied.... Must mean he’s on the phone...  If there’s anything he’s bad at, it’s being quiet.  Undyne keeps telling him there’s no way he’ll ever reach her level if he can’t learn how to move a little more stealthily.

 _Kinda like your brother,_ she said, _but don’t be like your brother.  Okay, I kinda respect how he manages to scare the shit out of me literally every time I see him but THAT’S THE LAST THING I RESPECT ABOUT HIM.  Oh, hello Papyrus’s brother!  Um, would you like a pancake?_

Since it’s not Undyne, that means it’s not Sunday morning, so you have no idea what day of the week it is.  Or what time it is.  You’re too lazy to turn your head 180 degrees and look out the window.

“Yes, I’m not letting him bore himself to death!  I’ve left plenty of crossword and word-search puzzles next to his bed for his entertainment.  He loves word-searches!”

Has he...?  Is that what those are.  The light is off, so you can’t tell.

“Has he done any of them...?  I don’t... know?  I doubt it!”

You hear the subject change as Papyrus tromps back down the hall.  His door closes.  What time is it.  You just woke up.  If he’s home, that means it’s too late to start at the hotdog stand.  You don’t want to do anything.  You want to do what everyone is telling you to do, which is stay home and rest.  Rest your leg.

It’s the worst thing you can do right now.  Ever since Papyrus got into school and you started working at Grillby’s, you’ve had to keep yourself moving.  No more breaks.  You can’t afford to lose your momentum.

Which means no time for moping, even though moping sounds like an ideal and relaxing thing to do now.  You check your phone for the time.  If you leave now, you might be able to make it to Grillby’s before your shift starts.  This is taking into account that you’ll have to hobble over there on crutches.  You’ll take a shortcut.

Unsteadily, you manage to creak past Papyrus’s room.  He’s still talking loudly on the phone.  As a last-minute decision, you lock your door.  He’ll think you’re asleep.

Stairs are always a problem, but it’s easier to go down than up.  You more or less slide down them on your butt.  If you have trouble getting down the stairs, you have no idea how you’re going to manage working at fast food place, but you’ll find a way.

This is easier than you thought.  You hobble out the door without Papyrus noticing.  The cold hits you on the way out and the wind threatens to knock you down, but you’ve dealt with worse.  It’s not the first time you’ve broken your leg, but granted, it was before you started working at Grillby’s.

You make it right on time.  Perfect.  Your leg hurts like hell, but you couldn’t risk taking any painkillers before you left.  Those pills they gave you are powerful.  You enter the diner and wave hello to Grillby.

He raises his eyebrows.  He puts his glass down.  He whispers something to another employee, and walks around to the other side of the counter.  You don’t think you’ve ever seen him on this side before.  The other employee takes over Grillby’s spot.

He walks over to you, looming taller with each step.  “Uh, hi, Grillbz,” you say.

He hesitates.  He looks like he wants to say something, but this is before the time when Red usually shows up.  He doesn’t like speaking.  “Cat got your tongue?” you ask.

“You look tired,” he murmurs.  “Why don’t we... sit down?”

The _we_ part doesn’t sound right.  You take a seat in a booth, stretching out your leg.  Grillby sits himself across from you.  “What’s up?” you ask.  You hope he can’t see you sweating.  You’re terrified out of your wits to hear whatever he wants to say.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“Uhh... my shift’s about to start and it’s been what, a week?  What happened, did I use up all my vacation days?”

“I just didn’t expect to see you back so soon.”

You strain a grin.  “Cmon, Grillbz, when’ve I ever let you down?”

“I want to talk to you.”

_Oh shit._

“Is this about the whoopie cushions I left in the seats.”

“No, it’s...”  He gets up for a second and looks at the seat to make sure there’s no whoopie cushion on it, then sits back down.  “About... your disability.”

You laugh.  “My what?”

“I knew how easily you get hurt and how frequently you’ve been injured in the past.”

You laugh again.  It’s not really a laugh, more of a spasm.  “Was it Papyrus?” you ask.  “Who told you.”

“Um... _you_ did.  A long time ago.  You probably don’t remember, because I think you had a few too many drinks.”

“Oh god... was I spewing my life story.”

“Yes.”

You drop your head into your arms.  “I should never have let you work here,” Grillby continues.  “But I couldn’t say no to you.  I hoped that... with the others’ help, I could find you a better job.”

This can’t mean what you think it means.  You try to stay and keep listening to him.  “You’ve been my best employee.  Aside from the whoopie cushions and the airhorns, you’ve never given me any reason to let you go.”

“Please just cut to the chase,” you groan.

“I think you should go home.”

“Hey...”  You pick up your head.   “You’re not _firing_ me, are you?  Is it because of... heh, of all those jokes I made about your hair?  Yknow, the fire... the _fire_ jokes?  Hothead?”

“No, I wouldn’t do that,” says Grillby.  He cuts to the chase.  You can’t keep working here until your leg heals, which you know will take at least two months if you’re lucky.  Until then, he’s asked your friends to look into better jobs for you.  He doesn’t think you should come back.  You promise it won’t happen again, and Grillby shakes his head.  There’s got to be better places to work than this old place.  You assure him it’s a great old place.  You tell him you can’t afford this right now on top of everything.  He says he can’t either.

That’s when it hits you, you’ve cost him more than you’ve helped him.

“I’ll contact you as soon as we find something.  Now... I should get back to the counter.”

“‘Kay.  I’ll just... get outa here.”

“Stay there.”  He takes out his phone.  “I’m calling you a taxi.”

“You don’t have to—”

He ignores you.  He gives your location, hangs up, and tells you to wait until the cab gets here.  He gets up without saying goodbye, walks to the cash register, and walks back over to you.  He hands you a couple bills.  “For the cab,” he says.  “Consider it a tip.”

Grillby offers you a hand up.  You politely ignore it.  He’s done enough.  More than enough.  You hobble out the door, and make the mistake of turning around.  Taped to the door is a Help Wanted sign.  So.  You’re already being replaced.

You feel like all the blood’s been drained out of your body.  You’re too cold to shiver.  The cab patiently sits still until you snap out of it and make your way into the car.  “Hey,” you greet the cab driver.

“Tra la la...  Where are we headed to today?”

You know this weirdo.  It’s River, one of your many friends, or are they.  No one really knows anything about River, even whether they’re a man or a woman.  It seems like even River’s not really sure.  You tell them you’re going to your house.  They drive off, humming absently.

“Yo... River, what’re the rates for cab driving?  I need a new job.”

“A penny saved is a penny earned,” River replies cryptically.

“Thanks, River.”

No way they’re gonna be any help.  You’re gonna need Google for this.  You wonder what piece of cryptic advice River has today, or if they wasted their one-liner on this.  You have a five minute drive to learn.

“Tra la la~  Beware of the man who speaks in hands.”

Your heart stops.  River can’t know.  They can’t know that one of Dr. Gaster’s last crazy experiments failed horribly and left him permanently mute.  They can’t know he made you learn sign language so he could keep telling you what to do...

“For once,” you ask, “could you tell me what that means...?”

River hums.  They slow down and stop in front of your house.  “Hope to see you again sometime,” they say.  Then they say the least cryptic thing they have ever told you.  “That’ll be four dollars and seventy-nine cents.”

You hand them the money and step out.  The pain in your lower leg has spread to your hip.  It’s making it hard to support your weight.   _Beware of the man who speaks in hands..._  Bullshit.  He’s dead.

There’s your house.  The house you’ve been paying for, with your brother inside, who you’ve been paying for...

Should you just leave now?  What’s the point of going back in there?  What are you going to do.  You’re going to lie in bed.  Recovering.  And then what.  Search for a new job.  Yeah.  A nice, boring desk job where you won’t get hurt anymore.

The wind passes right through your body and shocks you into getting moving.  You open the door and carry yourself inside.  You’re going to go back to bed.  You used to spend days in bed.  Not getting up, listening to loud music, living off bags of popato chisps and only leaving to use the bathroom.  You somehow stayed alive.  You made a lot of jokes about how you’d be better off dead if you weren’t keeping popato chisp companies in business.

It’s going to take a lot of popato chisps to make your life worth something now.

The brightness of your house is harder to face than the snow.  You squint your eyes and shut the door.

“Sans?”

You look up and see Papyrus at the top of the stairs.  “Heyyy...”

“Wh-what are you doing there?  How did you get from your room down to the hall...?  I am so confused!”

“Magic,” you answer.

He looks around wildly, then asks if you need help.  You’re struck with a brilliant idea.  Say no.  Say you just want to go on a walk, that you just need to get out, and then push yourself into a ditch.  It’ll look like an accident.

But dying wouldn’t be easy...  You’d have to throw yourself down really hard...  It’ll make it easier if you managed to freeze to death in the process.  You’d have chosen a quicker and less painful way to die, but it doesn’t really matter at this point.

Papyrus might feel like he’s the one at fault for a while for not stopping you, but...

“I said, do you need help getting up the stairs?  Sans??  SAAANS, CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

“Uh...”   _Just say no..._  “I think I got it.”

Papyrus descends the stairs and looks down at you suspiciously.  “Your face is all red!  Were you outside?”

“I needed some air...”

You must be really tired then, he says.  He gives you another ride up the stairs and asks you to tell him next time so he can help you get down.  You can’t tell him what happened today.  He’d tell you it was irresponsible of you to go to Grillby’s alone.  The old man was always telling him to look after you and make sure you never hurt yourself.

He dumps you in your room.  Asks if you’ve had enough to eat today.  You didn’t eat today but you tell him yes.  He asks what you’d like for dinner.  You tell him whatever he’s in the mood for.  We can eat in here if you want, he says.  You tell him to eat by          himself, you need a nap after all that exercise.  You might not be awake for hours, he should just leave you the leftovers.

He leaves, and when everything seems lost, your phone buzzes.

 

_*I hope you’re getting better!  Here’s a video that might cheer you up. :)_

 

Toriel seems stuck on goats since her typo.  She’s sent you a vine of a screaming baby goat.  

 

_*sorry tori im not exactly the biggest bag of laughs right now  
*you should probably find someone else_

_*Oh dear.  You do not sound good._  
_*We must chase away the sadness with more adorably baby animals._  
_*You cannot stay sad looking at THIS, can you?_

 

She sends you a picture of newborn baby goats.  Not kittens, not puppies, but goats.  You want to cherish this woman so bad, but this isn’t the easiest time to do that...

 

_*thats precious  
*real cute but theres nothing baby goats can fix im afraid_

_*What is wrong?  I believe you are incorrect and there is at least one baby goat for every problem that needs fixing._

_*i got  
*kindly let go_

_*Oh no.  
*It was not because of me, was it?_

_*what no why would you think that_

_*I’m sorry.  Nevermind.  
*This was the diner, was it not?_

_*yeah_

_*At least you own the hotdog stand.  That should be enough to keep you afloat until you can find different work.  Don’t worry, I am sure it will be alright!_

_*just the hotdog stand isnt enough to keep the house and put my brother through college_  
*the stand cant keep me standing  
*another thing that cant keep me standings my leg

 _*They fired you right after you broke your leg??_  
_*This has to be illegal!_  
_*I am furious._  
_*I’ve half a mind to come right down there and give them a talking to._

 _*its not like that_  
_*it was kinda my own fault_  
_*it was really only a matter of time before something like this happened_  
_*like_  
_*ok to tell the truth ive got really frail bones_  
_*and a fast food place is a landmine for injuries_  
_*the owner.  grillby, great guy.  he hired me because i needed the work and kept me because i did my job really well_  
_*but apparently this whole time he knew about my uh_  
_*condition, disability, whatever you wanna call it._  
_*ive cost him thousands in workers compensation he cant afford for it to happen again_

_*That is still unfair._

_*he said hes gonna try and find me another job_

_*That is good!  It won’t be so bad then.  You just have to wait!_

_*tori its not that easy_

_*It better be, or else I will track him down and force him to rehire you._

_*so i can go through this whole thing again_  
_*i cant afford this_  
_*papyrus cant afford this_

_*I think it would do you good to stop worrying about your brother for a little while and give yourself a chance to get better.  The absolute worst thing that can happen is that he will have to wait a couple more months to go back to school!  
*I doubt you will lose your house or that his life will be ruined because you have to take a few weeks off._

_*i keep just  
*just making things worse for him_

_*No you aren’t!_  
_*You are more supportive than any sibling I have ever met._  
_*And that is saying a lot.  The siblings I knew best would have died for each other._  
_*I would say you are asking too much of yourself._  
_*And if your brother is the one giving you this mindset, he is asking too much of you as well._  
_*If you don’t mind my asking, what sort of disability are we talking about?_

_*oi  
*type 1_

_*Hang on while I google._  
_*...I see..._  
_*So the blue of your sclera, it IS natural._

_*nah i stick by what i said before its magic_

 

You put down your phone for a second and reach for your pills.  You’re not supposed to take more than one at a time.  Ideally, you should cut them in half.  You pop two in your mouth and swallow them dry.

 

 _*i just took some really heavy pain meds so_  
_*ill give it 10 minutes before im out_  
_*just warning you_

_*I understand.  Listen, I am confident everything will be okay!  And if you need anything, that is, anything by means of emotional support, I am, well...  
*I will continue to be here._

_*thanks  
*g’night_

 

You close your eyes and wait for it to be over.  Seems like it’s taking longer than usual.  You pick up the bottle, wondering if one more would kill you.

It wouldn’t.

Unfortunately.

☠ ☠ ☠

You can’t sleep forever.  You don’t have enough pain meds.  If you waste them all now, you won’t have any for when you really need them.  You just want to sleep and sleep until Grillby calls you with the good news that he’s found you a new job and you can start working right away.  All these hours spent in your room, though... it doesn’t make the time pass any quicker.  You stare at the ceiling, awakened from limbo only from texts from Toriel sending you fuzzy animals to try and make you feel better.

You’re slowly losing your mind.  The puzzles Papyrus have left you are piling up.  As is the food he’s brought you.  You can’t eat.  You don’t deserve to be wasting resources.  All this food should be going to people who really need it, not you who’s already consumed more than his fill in a lifetime.  You can’t stand the idea of filling your body up and doing nothing with what’s going in it.  The spaghetti doesn’t deserve that.

You can’t drink either, because then you’ll need to pee.  After hours of lying in bed you don’t think you’re strong enough to make it to the bathroom on your own.  You can’t ask Papyrus for help... he’s been doing way more than he should....

He comes in sometimes to see how you’re doing.  You pretend to be asleep.  He shakes you awake and asks if you’re okay.  You haven’t been eating.  You tell him you’re not hungry.  He finds that hard to believe.

 

_*Sans, I think you would appreciate this meme._

_*tori please_  
_*give it a rest_  
_*find something better to do_

_*Look.  At.  The meme._

_*very cute_

_*I am not giving up until I can make you laugh._

_*ive already cracked up_

_*Ha ha.  Clever.  I will find some way to get through to you, I swear.  I won’t leave alone while you’re feeling this way._  
_*Sometimes it is best to be alone.  But for someone like you, for someone who has as many friends as you do, I don’t think it is healthy._  
_*I think being cooped up inside is making you depressed._

 _*nah depressions making me depressed_  
_*look its_  
_*not very easy to get moving_  
_*somehow i managed to do that every day_  
_*without breaking anything_  
_*but i mean_  
_*you know the laws of inertia right_

_*An object in motion will stay in motion unless stopped by an outside force?_

_*yeah that inertia_  
_*i kinda metaphorically relied on that_  
_*i gave myself one big push forward_  
_*had to give it everything in me to get moving_  
_*knowing someday something would get in the way and id just_  
_*stop_  
_*..._  
_*this is some real john green bullshit_

_*You say that, but we live in a world where there is gravity._

_*well its a metaphor  
*no metaphors perfect_

_*I am willing to bet John Green has more money than you._

_*everyone has more money than me_  
_*tori i_  
_*literally cant move_  
_*i used up all my steam im spent_

 _*And so what do you think you are going to do now?  You will not stay down forever._  
_*I cannot understand your situation because I am not in it.  But I know what it is to be so deeply steeped in sorrow it seems like the world is going to end._  
_*I’ve been to the pits of hell and back, and I have survived.  I know you can too._

 _*yeah with_  
_*losing two kids..._  
_*this is probably nothing by comparison_

_*Eight._

_*what_

_*I have lost eight children, if you include six that were unborn._

 

Great, you're four times the dick you thought you were...

 

 _*thats rough_  
_*thats_  
_*really rough_

 _*Do not think your suffering could not compare to mine.  If there was one thing that kept me going, it was rage.  I had that to fall back on at all times._  
_*It is not a bad idea to be furious.  Hating someone else is better than hating yourself.  The fault is only yours if there is something you can do about it._  
_*This probably makes no sense to you...._

 _*hey what you just said is entirely relevant to my life_  
_*i could blame my douchebag of an adopted dad for everything but_  
_*last time i did that i wound up sitting on my ass for years doing nothing and letting papyrus support both of us while i went out and partied_  
_*at least now im taking responsibility_

 _*And look where it is getting you!  You are hurting yourself!  I am nearly certain this is not what your brother wants._  
_*If you wither away just so that he can get a substantial job, what kind of support is that?_  
_*His life is not worth more than yours!_  
_*I do not understand for the life of me why this means so much to you!_

 _*i know sounds kinda weird doesnt it_  
_*guess i just needed a reason to hold on_  
_*some weird obsessive reason_  
_*god now im making you crazy too_

_*Enough about me._

_*six kids_

_*Miscarriages.  I never even learned their genders.  Most wouldn't call them children.  But they died inside of me.  Six of them.  I could not support six lives for more than a few weeks._  
_*You have supported someone for... months, years, however long you have been doing this._  
_*You are doing so much better than many._

_*its not your fault_

_*I know.  It was hard to accept, but I know._  
_*When you are carrying a life inside of you, you are all it has.  You are its entire world.  But once it has grown, you have to learn to let go someday...._  
_*What you are doing for your brother.  Would he do that for you?_

_*doesnt matter_

_*And why ever not?_

_*oh man its  
*a long story_

_*I am already enthralled._

_*hes_  
_*here because of me_  
_*we didnt have the most awesome dad_  
_*he had_  
_*high expectations for me and_  
_*well he didnt have any expectations for papyrus_  
_*he was pretty much dead to him_  
_*but he took him in because he didnt think id come any other way_  
_*had to get the whole packaged deal_  
_*papyrus once_  
_*had a chance with this other family who wanted him_  
_*but dear old dad screwed it up and took him instead_  
_*because_  
_*i asked him to_  
_*i mean_  
_*this was so long ago, i probably didnt know how to tie my own shoes_  
_*seems like i cant really blame myself for my brother's lost childhood_  
_*i was just some lonely kid who missed his favorite playmate, right?_  
_*right_  
_*but like_  
_*its not like i cant make it up to him_  
_*give him what woulda been handed to him on a silver platter if id just let him be happy somewhere else_  
_*heh_  
_*cant believe i just spewed all that_

 

 _*This sounds like it is indeed a long story.  
_ _*The main thing I'm curious about is what your brother thinks of all this.  Does he consider his childhood stolen?_

_*no  
*hes kind of oblivious_

_*He sounds very oblivious!  
*All this time, he has not noticed what state you are in?_

_*did i just spew my tragic backstory for nothing_

_*I do not care about that!  The past is the past, and in my opinion, you have long since made up for whatever happened._

_*ok wonderful poof its all gone_

_*More importantly, have you told him all this?_

_*whats the point_

_*So you haven't...  
*Were you abused?  Have you been keeping this to yourself all this time?_

_*ok now im uncomfortable_

_*Have you even tried talking to him about this before?_

_*it wouldnt help_  
_*he always convinced himself that his dad was doing the right thing_  
_*its helped him get through everything.  staying optimistic.  breaking that illusion would just be kinda cruel_  
_*there was this one time though_  
_*right after the man died i felt like then would be the perfect time to tell papyrus everything about him since_  
_*welp he couldnt do anything when he was dead_  
_*it didnt go well_  
_*he thought i shouldnt be slandering the man just because i could but i mean_  
_*his dad had just died_  
_*he wasnt very happy_

_*So.  You reached out to him, and he brushed you off._

_*what the hell are you talking about_

_*I don't know, I just can't accept this story.  I understand that you care about your brother very much, but he is not perfect.  I think he cares about you too, but you will have to help him help you._

 

This is pointless...  So pointless...  You're going around in circles.  You know now why you've never talked about your problems before.  It doesn't help.  This isn't helping.  And you've dragged Toriel too deep into this.

 

_*not saying anyones perfect  
*im gonna take a nap see ya on the other side_

_*No you are not!  You told me an hour ago that you just woke up!_

_*sorry tori im done  
*this isnt good for either of us i gotta go_

_*Stop torturing yourself and promise me you'll talk to your brother.  If he doesn't listen to you now, then you never owed him a thing to begin with._

_*just stop  
*this isnt his fault_

_*And it seems like he certainly hasn't been helping matters!_

 

_No... she's crossing a line._

 

_*bs  
*i dont have the energy for this_

_*Talk.  To.  Your brother!_

 

You grit your teeth tight.  You can't believe it, Toriel is pissing you off.  Acting like she knows what the hell is going on.  Trying to convince you to blame Papyrus to make yourself feel better.  You toss your phone.  It slides a few feet across the carpet.  It buzzes.  You hide your head in your pillow.  It rings.  It stops.  It rings again.

There's no choice.  You crawl out of bed and drag yourself over to your phone.  There's who knows how many messages waiting for you, but you can't bring yourself to read any of them.  Your heart pounds as you hold down the red button on your phone, until the screen goes dark and you can breathe.

"Sorry, Toriel," you laugh.  It's dark.  Completely dark, except for a crack of light under the door.

You stay there.  You curl on on the carpet because your mattress is too far away.

☠ ☠ ☠

You wake up in your bed.  You've been neatly tucked in, with your leg propped up on a cushion.  You smell food.  There's a note beside a bowl of soup.

 

_UNDYNE HAS GENEROUSLY GIFTED US A BATCH OF SOUP STRAIGHT FROM HER KITCHEN!  SHE SENDS HER BEST WISHES AND HOPES YOU GET WELL SOON!_

 

He doesn't seem too suspicious—

 

The door bursts open.  Papyrus fills the doorway.   _"’Sup,"_ you croak.

"I told Undyne you wouldn't eat my spaghetti!  Do you not like soup either?"

"Uhh... I already ate.  Earlier.  I got bored, so I made myself a snack."

"Out of what?" he asks.

"Chips."

"Have you been living off chips this entire time?"

"Yep."

"Gross!  Try and eat something healthy for once."  He hesitates.  "I... I trust that you wouldn't lie to me.  Forget what I said about being lazy, you're allowed to be lazy right now.  You don't... _have_ to eat only chips..."

"I'm still full.  Gotta make room before I eat again."

It takes too long before he leaves again.  He's getting suspicious, you can see it.  You'll have to get rid of the soup somehow.  Toss it.  Dump it out the window.  You just... gotta make it to the window.

You shift and inch and your leg moves.  You clench your teeth and try to keep going.  The window's far.  Really far away.  You just have to get rid of the soup.

This is how you'll die, you'll waste away of starvation.  It's not what you had in mind at all, but it's the easiest way to go.  It's long and painful— it's perfect.  You just have to get rid of that damn soup....

You pinch yourself to get yourself to move.  You reach for it.  In your starved clumsiness, you knock it over.

"Welp..."

Instead of cleaning it up, instead of doing anything, you stare at it.  You stare at the bowl, not lifting your eyes, not doing anything.  What's the point.  What's the point in dying, even.  You'll just be another mess to clean up...

Hours pass, and you don't even turn your head to look away.  You've stopped.  You've ran out of gas, you've officially ended your ride....

If you've decided to die already, there's no point waiting anymore.  It takes another hour to get yourself to move again, and reach for the pills.

Papyrus isn't going to be happy, but maybe Toriel's right and you should do something for yourself for once.  The quicker you get it over with, the better.

You reach for the bottle, and your hand brushes carpet.  It's gone.  Your pills have disappeared.

You sit up.  It's surprisingly difficult.  You look all over the floor, which doesn't help.  The bottle could be buried in the tornado by now.

Plan A it is, then...  You lie down and keep waiting.

☠ ☠ ☠

You hear the door creak open.  You hear Papyrus's footsteps hitting the carpet.  You feel his presence approaching you.  You lie still, closing your eyes, pretending to be asleep.  He'll leave soon.  Just wait here long enough and he'll get bored waiting for you to do something.

He sits down.  You hear him sigh.  Your heart sinks.   _Just leave,_ you think.   _Nothing's happening.  Don't you have anything better to do..._

"Sans..."

For good measure, you snore.  "Sans," Papyrus repeats, "I know you're awake!"

"Zzzzz...."

"Sans, people don't actually repeatedly say "Z" when they're sleeping!  Stop pretending and talk to me, dammit!"

So it's no use anymore...  You roll over and face him.  He's left the door open.  Through the light that shines through from the hallway, you can barely see his face through one bleary eye.  He doesn't look good.  Yeah, yeah that's definitely your fault...

"What's up."

"You know perfectly well what’s up!  You have not eaten or moved in a week, I haven't even seen you get up to use the bathroom!  I'm worried!"

"Can't get up," you mutter.  "Leg's broken."

"Well, it isn't healthy!  Staying indoors all day when I am perfectly strong and ready to assist you, it's like..."  He trails off.  "I am extremely worried about you."

You don't have anything you can say.  "It's kinda late for a lecture..."

"It's 8pm."

"'m tired, bro."

You expect Papyrus to protest.  But he goes silent.  You listen to the wind howl outside and rattle the windowpanes.  He fidgets, sighs, and finally talks.  "Sans... I have come to the conclusion that you are not lazy.  You are in fact severely depressed."

"No," you mutter, "you've got it all wrong, 'm just a lazyass..."

"No, _you've_ got it all wrong!  I've done an extensive amount of research, and you have many of the symptoms.  Well, as far as I can recognize.  You don't take care of yourself, you overeat, and I... I've seen you struggle with things that should be really easy!  And most of all, I can't help but notice that you don't seem to ever really enjoy yourself.  You've given up on so many things, and... I don't think it's because you're lazy anymore!"

You roll over to your other side.  He knows.  You thought you could fool him for this long.  "You're working yourself up over nothing, bro."

"I can't let you go on like this!  It is my responsibility to make sure you're okay!"

"This is pretty heavy... can't we do this at a... i dunno, better time..."

"I've been waiting all this time for you to get better so that we could talk," Papyrus says.  "But you've only gotten worse."

You roll over another ninety degrees until your head is buried in your pillow."

"Sans, _please,_ if not now, then when can we talk?"

"Mmmff..."

 _He knows, he knows...._  You tried so hard, this was literally the one thing you ever tried hard at anymore.  You tried hard to hide, because you really thought you could do it.  What's the point now?  The only point to begin with was to protect him.  

He waits again.  You stay still.  Maybe you can still wait for him to go away.  But no, he starts again.  "Sans, I'm... I'm very sorry."

_What've you got to be sorry for..._

"I've been... insensitive.  I've treated you like you were only being lazy, and perhaps that is why you believe that you are!  It will be hard to convince you otherwise.  I... all those times, I was, I think... nagging?  I realize that I treated you unfairly.  I'd ask you to forgive me, but first I must deserve your forgiveness!  And to deserve your forgiveness, I must help fix the damage that I caused."

You unbury your face.  "Pap, no.  You've... you never did anything wrong."

"See, you're depressed and you don't even realize it!"

"No," you say.  "I... I know."

"You... _do_ know?  What do you know?"

You smile.  "I know my brain chemicals are fucked up."

"Ah.  Um... good?  Acceptance is the first step to recovery!"

"It's just... if you think it's your fault... you really couldn't be further from the truth?"

Papyrus cocks his head to one side.  Oh god, this is what you've been fighting to protect.  If he knows how bad it really is, that face is going to be utterly destroyed.  "It's... really you that gets me through all this," you say.

"I see why that would be, but I still have wronged you!  I'm... even now, I am probably putting a lot of pressure on you, aren't I?"

 _No, shit, he's blaming himself..._  "Ugh..."

"Can you look at me?"

You close your eyes.  He pokes you in the face.  "You don't... needa worry about it.  Nothing about it's gotta do with you..."

"Of course it does!  You are my brother!"

"So what..."

"Will you just... sit up?"

You push yourself onto an elbow.  You guess... you owe him that much.  "I dunno man... I appreciate it, but..."  You don't know what else to do.  You laugh.  Since it's kind of ironic... "I don't wanna let it get you down."

"Ugh!  I take back what I said before!  Sans, it is true, you are my brother, but I am not concerned because of any sort of familial obligation!"

You turn away.  Papyrus quickly takes your face in his hands before you can lie down again.  "You are not only my family, you know that... you are also my friend."

Your grin twitches.  "You are without a doubt my truest friend in the world," Papyrus adds.

Your chest hurts.  You let out a hollow laugh, pat his hand, and choke back any stupid comments.  It's not funny.  Nothing's funny.  The way he's looking at you, there's nothing but earnestness there.  He really means it.  "H-heh.."  Your voice catches.  You smile harder.  You can't breathe.  Next breath you take and it's all gonna come out.   _"Ngh..."_

He releases your face and pulls you forward.  He wraps his arms tightly around you.  With your face smothered in his chest, you release the sob you've kept in your chest for years.  He hugs you tighter.  

"It's alright," he says.  "It's just me, right?"

You're shaking so hard.  You need something to hold onto, so you grab fistfulls of Papyrus's shirt.  You mumble something that gets muffled by fabric.  Now that you've started, you just can't stop crying.

He doesn't say anything else.  Just holds you there, keeping you grounded in reality.  You're back in the real world, back outside your own head...  This is so dumb, so dumb, but it feels good.  It actually feels good.  A few minutes ago you couldn't move.  Now you're going a million miles a minute and you can't stop.

"I've got you," Papyrus says.

"I know..."

It just gets worse and worse.  It hurts your head, it hurts your chest, it makes every breath you take cut like a knife.  You start coughing.  "When was the last time you had something to drink?!" Papyrus asks.

You're incapable of speech, so you cough more.  Papyrus lets go of you.  You pathetically latch onto his arm.  "Hang on, I'll be right back!"

He runs off, and you have nothing to hold onto for a terrifying thirty seconds.  He returns to your side with a water bottle and tells you to drink.

You clumsily unscrew the cap.  You throw your head back and crush the bottle in your hand, squeezing it in your hand, guzzling more than you can swallow.  ­You gulp desperate gulps hoping that maybe you can drown yourself.

You choke.  Papyrus takes the bottle from you and pats you on the back.  You cough up water down your front.  You're soaked.  You're a mess, a really ugly mess....

"Slow down!" Papyrus commands.  You wheeze.  "Don't try and drink it all at once.  Let's try again—"

"What's the point..."

"What do you mean, what's the point?"

"I don't—"  You choke on your words.  Papyrus wraps an arm around your shoulders.

"Come on, slow sips."

He holds the bottle in front of your face.  Your body heaves.  Almost involuntarily, you knock it away.  You don't know why you just did that.  You bury your face in your hands.

"Why did you—"

"I wanna die."

Papyrus squeezes you hard, but not hard enough to choke the life out of you.  "You don't deserve to hurt this much," he says.  "After how hard you've been working..."

That's a first....   _"Ghh—"_

"It'll be alright!  I believe in you."

"I h-hate myself..."

“I already like you enough for the both of us!  And when you learn to like yourself again, I’ll still like you twice as much.”

Whatever you've been holding back until now explodes.  You didn't know you had this much in you.   _Why,_ you want to ask him, _is it because we shared a room for almost twenty years?  That's gotta be it, that's gotta be it..._

No, he said it, you're his best friend.  He says some more things to you, but you can't hear them anymore because you're making too much noise.  It hurts.

It's minutes, or maybe an hour until you get tired out.  You slow down and slump against Papyrus's body.  "Is your leg alright?" he asks.

"Mmmh..."

"You should lie down."

You don't want to do that, because then you'll have to let go.  Papyrus has to manually move your body to get you in a lying position, with your leg stretched out in front of you.  He sits down on the mattress next to you.  Your eyes are drooping.  Even though everything is a mess, even though you're soaking, you feel somehow like you just took a long bath.

"Thanks," you whisper.

"Any time!  It seemed like you needed that.  If you ever need it again, don't hesitate another twenty years to ask!"

"Heh..."

You didn't wind up talking about anything.  Still, you just admitted everything to him.  The thin string that's been holding you together has finally snapped, but it's spent a lot of time stretching.  The tension's gone, but now you're lying in pieces.

Still, you manage some half-hearted pathetic chuckling.  "I'm really tired," you mutter, and you mean it this time.

"You don't want me to leave, do you?"

"Nah.  Stay."

This is so pathetic that you laugh harder.  Papyrus asks if you want anything else.

"While I'm acting like this much of an infant... how 'bout a bedtime story."

You used to do those a lot.  Papyrus asks which story you want.  You ask him to read you his favorite.  Peekaboo with Fluffy Bunny, even though you have it memorized.

"Alright, but the ending might make me cry."

"Jesus, _that's_ gonna make you cry?  Crying's not very manly, bro."

"Crying isn't exclusively manly!  Women can cry, too!"

He has to leave again, but you can wait the minute and a half until he comes back with his favorite childhood bedtime story, along with a towel to wipe yourself off with and an extra blanket from the linen closet.

He clears his throat and starts to read.  You don't get to hear whether he cries at the end or not.

You let yourself fall asleep.  It's less like sinking under water, like it usually when you put yourself down.  It's like...  You can't think of a good metaphor.

You're too tired.

Papyrus's voice blabs on in your ear, and you drift off against him.

For the time being, it's alright....

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a very long time to write, because I was going through a lot in my life right now. It was basically the exact same thing that Sans was going through but metaphorically. In one fell swoop, everything went to shit.
> 
> It's okay now, though. I'm glad I was finally able to finish this chapter. It's a very important chapter. One of the first I thought of. Depression is not pretty skinny teenagers crying and falling in love, don't let YA make you think that. Depression is ugly and crippling. Depression strips away everything you are little by little until you're left feeling like an empty husk.
> 
> "Feeling" is a key word here because no matter what, NOTHING can truly make you an empty husk. No matter what, there's still you in there, and there's always a way to pull yourself out. Sometimes, you need to ask for help. It's okay, because you're worth saving.
> 
> This is by all means the worst chapter. Luckily, it all goes uphill from here. About Toriel, like she said, nobody's perfect. Except for Papyrus. He's precious. He's a cinnamon roll.
> 
> Special thanks again to commenter Blaer for the idea of Sans having this particular disability which pretty much this entire fic is built on now. Kudos to tumblr user overthegaybow for the headcanon of the fallen children being miscarriages. Kudos to Wunderwaffle for the idea of River Person being a taxi driver. I loved that idea. All the ideas. Keep giving ideas.


	13. Feels Warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was going to start with backstory originally, but I wrote the last part first and decided the last part was enough to be the entire part. I don't even know if I'll get to fit backstory in anywhere... even though there are a couple cute scenes with Sans and Papyrus as baby kidlets.

_Reset.  Reset.  One second, your brother is a pile of dust.  Then, there’s flashes of gold—the kid in the striped shirt is holding a knife, ready to charge.  You’re next.  They’ll win, but you’re not going to make it easy._

_They lose, again, and again, until they win, you fall, you die, and then you wake up.  You wait for them.  They come back, ready to do it all again.  Again.  Again.  You kill them—they kill you— And it all starts over.  You wake up.  You go out into the snow—_

_You’re at a giant purple door.  You knock.  There’s no answer.  No, answer, she’s gone—_

_You face the kid again.  They lunge—_

☠ ☠ ☠

You wake up.  Again, but this time it’s different.  You... have skin.  You lie watching your hands, and this timeline feels... solid.  You try to remember who you are.  It comes back hazily, you’re... you’re supposed to go to Grillby’s...

You sit up.  Your head gives one gigantic throb.  You fall back down.  All those other times you woke up and started over... it was never this hard to move.  You push yourself forward, ignoring the sensation that your head is stuffed with lava.  You have to get out, get to Grillby’s...  You’ll know what to do when you get there.

You push off the heavy bedsheets and get up.

That’s when the pain shoots up your leg.  You grab onto a wall before you can fall over.  The longer you hold yourself here... the longer you keep standing... the more you find yourself gaining balance.  You make your way across the room.  Your head pounds.  Your vision swims.  Still, you make it outside the door... and there are the steps...

One at a time.  Your head keeps throbbing.  Your leg can’t stand.  It’s made of molten iron, this is probably going to kill you...

You limp down, one step at a time.  The further you go, the less you can see.  You’ll be blind by the time you reach the bottom.

A loud yelp splits through the lava in your head, right to its molten core.  You lose your balance and grip onto the railing.  

“St-stay there!”

That’s Papyrus...  You stay there.  He runs over, grabs you, and you hang onto him for dear life.  “Sans, what are you _doing?_  Where are your crutches?”

“Uhh...”  You feel yourself slowly waking up.  Oh man, it hurts.

His hand is at your forehead.  His fingers are freezing against your skin.  “Oh my god, you’re burning up!”

So your cold’s finally caught up with you...  It was nice of it to wait...  “’m hungry,” you mumble.

“Alright, hang on...”

He lifts you up onto his back.  He starts to carry you back upstairs, you mutter some weak protests into his shoulder and he changes course, taking you into the kitchen.  You don’t want to be back in your room right now.  It’s too dark in there, and you don’t think you can handle being alone with your thoughts anymore.

Papyrus sets you down on a chair and goes to the fridge.  “I’m glad to hear you have your appetite back!  That’s good news!  Luckily, there is plenty of soup left.”

He talks some more, but it’s hard to pay attention to what he’s saying.  You feel dazed.  Your leg is mostly numb with pain now, but your head is hot... your eyes are swollen...  You vaguely remember doing a lot of crying last night.  Your heart sinks.  Did you really cry on your brother and then fall asleep in his arms while he read you a bedtime story?  And you called Toriel infantile.

Toriel...

You blew her off, didn’t you.

Something on the table clatters.  You look up to see a bowl of soup set down in front of you.  Papyrus seats himself across the table and watches you.  You pick up the spoon.  You drop it.  You’re trembling too much to hold it.

“Are you alright?”

You don’t answer.  Slowly, you eat.  Papyrus watches you intently.  You’re remembering more and more now.  What you told him.  It wasn’t much.  Then again, your freakish display of emotion probably revealed more than any words would have.  You keep eating, bite by slow bite.  The soup is warm.  With each sip, feeling slowly returns to your body.

Suddenly, you start shaking.  You drop the spoon again.  You push the soup away and put your head down on the table.  You shudder and try to breathe.

“Sans?!”  You hear Papyrus stand up.  “What’s wrong—i”

You burst into tears.

Papyrus walks around.  You feel his hand on your shoulder.  “Shh, it’s going to be alright—”

You lift up an arm and tug on his sleeve.  “Hmm...?”  You pull him closer.

“Oh,” Papyrus says.  He crouches down and pulls you in for a hug.  You wrap your arms around his back as he squeezes you.  You let yourself gulp deep gulps of air as he steadies you.  He doesn’t say anything, no meaningless reassurances, he just keeps you there, gently massaging your back.  It feels nice.  He hugs tight, but not tight enough to smother.  Tight enough to know he’s got you, but not enough to make you feel trapped.  Whenever you want to let go, he’ll know before you even move.  His back-rubs help you breathe.  You slowly calm down and allow yourself to melt.  You sync up your breathing with your brother’s.  It’s easy enough to breathe when you’re melted into one person.

You give yourself time to breathe.  His patterns change with yours.  Papyrus is a really great oxygen tank.  It’s relaxing.  You’re probably going to fall asleep like this.

“Sans...” he whispers, “I’m going to have to insist you finish eating first.”

“Heh...” Amazing how he’s about to able to read the mind of whoever he’s hugging.  Your grip loosens.  He slowly unwraps his arms, freeing you gradually.  “You give the best hugs,” you say.

“You are very huggable.”

“Welp.”  You laugh pathetically and wipe your eyes on your filthy sleeve.  “Guess that was something...”

You go back to eating.  Now that you have some food in your system, your strength has returned enough to let you hold the spoon properly.  The soup isn’t bad, but it tastes like some of the vegetables are burnt.  Classic Undyne.  Papyrus hands you a glass of water and sternly tells you not to try to drown yourself in it this time.  Maybe he’s joking and doesn’t know that was what you were actually trying to do last night.

You drink, and the pain in your head lessens.  You dip your fingers in the glass and spread some water on your face.  Papyrus asks if you would like a towel.  Sure, you reply.  He brings you a cold towel.  You hold it to your forehead.  You hope your fever doesn’t get worse.  That’s the last thing you need right now.  On top of everything... this is just excessive and unnecessary.

You finish the soup.  You ask Papyrus if there’s any more.

“I’m relieved to hear you’re still hungry, but... you haven’t eaten in days.  I think it’s probably better to wait?”

“Yeah, probably...”  You already feel so sick.  It’d be stupid if you made yourself vomit.

“Okay, good!”  He smiles brightly.  “It seems like you’re doing better!  Which means...”  His smile falls a bit.  “I think... we... should probably talk.”

“Do we have to.”

“Yes!”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Sans, we have to!” he insists.  “I want to know what’s going on with you.  I want to help!”

You grin.  “Don’t give me that look!” he says.  “Today, we are going to start problem-solving!  Things cannot go on the way they were before.  It may sound scary, but I, for one, am excited that we can finally start making a change!  No more awkwardly tiptoeing around difficult subjects!  As Undyne would say, it is time to face our challenges head-on!”

Those motivational speeches might work for Undyne, but facing anything head-on would probably crack your skull.  “Or,” you say, “we could take a nap...”

“You’ve been asleep for twenty-one hours.  I was starting to worry you were never going to wake up.”

“That’s... damn...”

You look at the clock.  It is in fact six in the afternoon.  “I hope you feel somewhat rested!”

“Somewhat...”

“Alright, good!  Perfect!  Let’s start.  I have some suggestions.  In fact, I have a list!”

“Suggestions for what?” you ask, but before you finish your question, he’s bounded off to retrieve his list.  He comes back and scrutinizes it.

“These are all... well, on the vein of what I’ve always nagged you about.  Eating healthier, getting proper exercise, cleaning your room... but instead of seeing it as a chore, we can make all these things fun!  You could come jogging with me in the morning, for instance, when your leg gets better!”

“Don’t know why you think I need exercise,” you say.  “I mean, I stand outside half the day and break my back over the sink the other, it’s so exhausting all I wanna do is come home and die...  If there’s anything I need, it’s uh... _less_ exercise.”

“Alright, I see your point.”  Papyrus frowns and squints at the rest of the list.  “Well, there’s still the very obvious problem with the state of your room.   _That’s_ something that can’t go on.  It’s more of a mess than ever, there’s soup everywhere!  It’s a dreary place to spend all your time.  And it’s cold in there.  Your self-sustaining tornado of trash is not helping warm the place up!  To save on heating, at least, we have to clear it out.”

“Not my tornado...”

“The tornado has to go, brother.”

“It’s such a large part of my personality, though.”

 _“You’re_ a mess, too!  You need a bath.  We should collect all your dirty laundry, and most importantly, wash those sheets!  I can’t even tell what color they’re supposed to be.  They look like rotten cabbage.”

“I think they _are_ rotten cabbage.”

“It’ll be fun!  We can clean while listening to upbeat music!  I have an entire MTT playlist just for cleaning!  I also use it to do homework sometimes.  You cannot stay still while listening to the soulful voice of Mettaton!  His voice reaches right into your heart and makes you want to live your life to the fullest!”  His eyes travel down the list.  “To aid your stress, I also thought of some ways we can save money!  First on the list is get rid of the tornado.”

“Alright, what’s second.”

“Well, _I_ could take shorter showers.  I... like to sing in the shower, but I’ve started working on memorizing shorter songs!  But, about you...  You need to exercise in the _right_ way, proper exercise makes you stronger and leaves you feeling refreshed, not exhausted to the point where you want to come home and die!  Which... if you keep working at Grillby’s—”

“I sort of got fired?”

_“What?!”_

“Hey, he said he’d take me back, but only if I had no other choice.  Basically, I’m not coming back.”

“But—”

“Drunk Buns’ll hire me or something...  My buddies are looking to find me a different job.”  As you say this, you realize that this… probably _is_ a good thing.

“Wowie!  That’s amazing!  If you can find a job that doesn't strain your back and put you in danger of breaking your legs all the time—”

“Yeah but... we don't know how long it's gonna take.”

“You could start looking for jobs too, you know.  Though maybe it’d be better to put that aside until you’re feeling better.”

You’re not sure how much you want to, you never even thought about it.  You never considered another job besides for Grillby’s.  Who knows what you’ll be next?  A telemarketer, maybe.  Seems like all your friends want you to get a job that’ll let you sit down for longer.  This means, of course, that you’ll be seeing less of them.  Have _they_ thought about that at all...?

“We should start researching jobs that you can work from home!   _Anything_ has to pay better than Grillby’s.”

They probably make jobs specifically for people with disabilities.  Jobs that pay more than minimum wage so that no one could be accused of discrimination.  You never thought of yourself as disabled _enough,_ despite what the old man drilled into you... but maybe it was for the best.  Maybe he had a point by making sure you stayed protected.  You don’t like it, but Papyrus seems excited.

“The best part is that since you still work the hotdog stand, you won’t be inside all day!  You’ll still get plenty of fresh air, and maybe even a little more free time!  But for now, let’s get back to the things we need to start immediately.  Your room definitely needs cleaning, _you_ definitely need cleaning, and perhaps while you’re still home it might be beneficial to have nightly feelings jams.  That’s what Undyne calls them.  Oh, and work on getting yourself into a routine!  A strict schedule always helps me stay on top of everything!  Making lists helps.  Lists of activities and chores—i it really helps you feel rewarded when you get to check something off!  Ah, making lists is on my list!  That’s because I like making lists.  Next on the list—”

Your head is starting to sink down into your shoulders.  This is all… pretty overwhelming.  “Sleeping better!  Getting to sleep on time and starting the morning with a cup of coffee with milk in it!  Perhaps you’ll like milk better if it’s flavored with coffee.  Milk is—”  He looks up from the list.  “Um.  Maybe we should slow down...  We don’t have to get to everything right away, let’s start somewhere easy and work our way down the list piece by piece!”

“Nothing on that list sounds easy....”

“Maybe taking a bath would be a good and reasonable place to start?”

That does sound easy...  You shift in your chair.  The longer you sit, the more freshly broken your leg feels.  The throbbing in your head doesn’t help.  You clench your teeth.  If only you knew where your pills were.

“Are you alright?  You look like you’re in pain.”

“Yeah... I’d ask you to get my pills, but I kinda lost them.  Would you help me out and brave the tornado...?  They’re probably in there somewhere.”

“O-of course!”  He looks nervous for some reason.  It’s probably the Tornado.  “I’ll be right back.”

He hops off and you have to wait only a few seconds before he comes back with your meds.  “That was fast.”

“I guess it was...!”

Instead of handing you the bottle, he opens it up and asks how much you need.  Instead of asking for the bottle, you ask him to cut one in half.  He refills your glass and hands you the pill.  You swallow it and you can’t help but notice that he looks guilty about something.

“Uh, this may be a stupid ridiculous question but....”

“B-but what?”

“Did you hide these?”

He hesitates.  He looks away and says in a very small voice, “...yes.”

“When?”

“While you were asleep....”  Now he’s the one who starts sinking.  “I’m sorry, I did not know what would happen!  I reasoned with myself that I would confront you very soon, but I was very scared.  I was not exactly thinking straight.  And I was afraid... _you_ weren’t either.”

“Where.”

“I just put them on top of the dresser, so... I did not exactly _hide_ them.  But I...”

“Can I have them back?”

He looks hesitant.

“If I swear, by magical pinky promise that I won’t OD, would you give me my pills back?”

He hands the bottle over.  You reach out for them, then draw your hand back.  “Nah, I changed my mind.  Keep ‘em.  If it makes you feel safer.”

Yeah... to make _him_ feel safer...  Maybe it’s for the best.  Papyrus seems relieved.  He promises he won’t hide them, or make them completely inaccessible.  His enthusiasm’s gone down.  

You don’t know how to feel about this.  He thought you might kill yourself before you even told him.  But... he wants to start working.  He wants to start somewhere.  One step at a time.  You know exactly where you need to start, and it’s not anywhere on the list.  “One more favor,” you say.  “I, uh... could you get me my phone.”

You need to apologize for making a very kind woman worry.

“You’ve been cooped up with nothing but your phone for days!  I think you should find another way to entertain yourself than wasting away on the internet.”

“It’s _really_ important.”

“Alright, if you say so.”

He goes back up the stairs, and returns with your phone.  While you wait for it to turn on, your heart palpitates worse than it did when you shut it off.  You’re really scared to see her messages.  Toriel probably isn’t okay.  You need to fix that.  You can, you’ve done it before, besides, you’re in a _slightly_ better place than you were when you texted her last.

You don’t let yourself hesitate before opening up the 41 messages she left you.

 

 _*I see how it is.  The silent treatment._  
_*But for how long?  How long would you avoid me for the accusation that your brother might not be a completely perfect human being?_  
_*Did the memes meme nothing to you?_  
_*...I’m sorry, perhaps I chose the wrong time to be humerus._  
_*Alright, I allowed a bit of time to pass and I’ve decided that I need to apologize.  I should have listened to you.  I did the same thing I accused your brother of doing.  You were trying to reach out, and I merely brushed your story aside._  
_*It was important to you, and I claimed I did not care...._  
_*That was very wrong of me._  
_*I can’t help it, can I?  It just keeps happening._  
_*This is the millionth instance, and I keep allowing it to happen.  I’m such a fool.  I never learn from the past._  
_*Again, I’ve grown to care very much about someone that I cannot save._  
_*I overestimate myself.  I begin to think I know things the other does not.  That somehow... I have the answer.  Though I never do.  I hate that about myself.  And it seems that no matter how aware of that flaw I am, there is nothing I can do to change it.  Because I constantly forget my own weakness._  
_*Ignore my rambling.  I do not know why I cannot hold back from talking about myself._  
_*Well, I suppose you are never going to talk to me again, will you?  I severed the rope myself by being too overbearing.  I tried to convince you I knew better.  I do not.  I do not know anything, do I?_  
_*I did not even know anything about my own children._  
_*And now, they are gone._  
_*They’re gone forever, and there is nothing I can do to fix the damage I have caused.  So please, let me redeem myself this one time._  
_*Perhaps I am projecting.  Perhaps I am trying too hard to fix my own mistakes, and I have been too self-centered to want to help you for your own sake._  
_*But human beings are inherently selfish.  There is nothing we can do to change that.  Even the most seemingly selfless of acts come from an area that desires reciprocation, or gratification.  Caring about someone is caring about yourself, if you strip away all the external illusions._  
_*Oh, what am I talking about?  Now I am the one John Greening._  
_*So, in the most selfish of ways...  I have grown to not want you to hurt._  
_*In the most selfish of ways, I do not think you are a burden at all.  Since you first knocked on that horrible website of perverts and automated messages, you’ve made my world subjectively brighter._  
_*Before that night, I had not had any sort of contact with another human for weeks.  I was beginning to miss it.  Then, I found this site where you could communicate with a stranger.  No one that came with the risk of attachment.  No one you could lose._  
_*I had fun that first night._  
_*I did not want to stop.  And then, I found you again.  I was not supposed to form a relationship with any stranger on that website.  I did not want anyone important in my life.  I thought I was finished._  
_*And then.  You know the rest.  Pepe the frog.  Charlie the Unicorn.  Skeletons and dishes... so many laughs.  So many pleasant times that left me feeling genuinely happy.  I did not plan to give you my name.  I did not plan to give you anything._  
_*But... you gave me light._  
_*You wouldn’t believe how true it is that laughter is the best medicine.  I think that for a very long time, I was sick.  Emotionally sick.  I realized this when you told me about how you used to play the trombone.  I could not remember the last time I had baked._  
_*All my recipes made such large pies.  They would go moldy by the time I could finish them.  Pies are... meant to be shared._  
_*But when you spoke of your brother volunteering with his friend at the physical therapy center, and asked what I was doing to help children... I decided that perhaps donations were not enough.  I wanted to help them more.  So, I began baking again._  
_*I baked pies every week and had them delivered to the nearest shelter._  
_*I could not see the smiles of the people I was helping.  Hearing the kind delivery man tell me what he heard was enough.  It was enough for me.  I don’t know why I forgot to tell you.  I’ve mentioned the baking, but I did not say who it was for._  
_*A few pies were for myself, I will admit._  
_*I do make excellent pies._  
_*That is, so I’ve been told._  
_*It gave me something to look forward to.  The smell of pies in the oven combined with the sound of laughter... nothing could make me feel more alive again._  
_*At any moment, I expected my children to burst in and demand I give them a slice._  
_*Asriel would have asked nicely.  Chara might have been too shy to ask.  Or they would have been too impatient to ask.  They were rather capricious..._  
_*But if I continue to talk more about them, I will not be able to stop._  
_*In short, I do not wish for you to disappear.  And I do not think anyone else wishes that on you as well.  There are a lot of people who care about you._  
_*I admit I made judgements about your brother without really knowing him.  From what I have seen, there is honestly only one thing that I know for certain about him.  It’s very plainly obvious in every picture you have sent me.  You may already know this, but..._  
_*Sans... your brother loves you very much._

 

You look up.  Papyrus is at the sink, washing your bowl.  He hums something upbeat, probably from MTT radio.  He bounces his head to it.  He dries it and looks back at you.  “Who are you texting?” he asks, putting the dish away.  He walks over and you quickly turn the phone face down.

You smile at him.  Completely unsuspiciously.  If he sees what’s on your phone, you really _will_ die.

Suddenly, the metallic sound of an orgasmic _“Oooh yeah~”_  cuts through the silence.  Papyrus looks down at his phone.  

“What.”

“That’s just my notifications ringtone!”

“Papyrus, what the fuck.”

“It’s a free country!”  His face reddens as he reads a text and types one back.

“Who’re you texting?” you ask, leaning over him.

Papyrus swipes his phone away.  “It’s nobody!  I mean, it’s my friend, whose name is nobody.”

“Sucks to be them.”

“They’re very nice!”

“Heh, I believe you...”

You recognized that voice.  You’ve heard it before watching anime with Alphys.  Mettaton was once a popular voice actor.  It’s impossible to forget, because Alphys had a huge crush on him.  She talked about her crushes a lot.  You wonder if she still does now that she’s in a steady relationship.

You put Alphys and Mettaton aside and look back at your phone.  What can you say to Toriel...?  After all that...  She put a lot of thought into those messages.  You’ll have to word yourself with as much care as she did.

 

_*whoa chill_

 

Perfect.

 

 _*i mean.  you can relax now.  its ok_  
_*i had a talk with my bro_  
_*k not much talking happened_  
_*but were gonna work things out_  
_*hes really_  
_*set on doing that_  
_*for the time being it looks like things are gonna be ok_  
_*thanks for all that_  
_*all the stuff you said_  
_*you shouldnt hate any part of yourself. youve been really great this whole way_  
_*about making your life lighter, id say the same thing about you too_  
_*i wasnt in the best place when i cut you off but i promise_  
_*and i dont like making promises_  
_*i promise i wont leave you hanging like that again_  
_*youre really something special, toriel_

 

She doesn’t get back to you right away like she normally does.  After a few minutes, Papyrus asks if you want to watch a movie.  “You gotta do your homework right after, ‘kay?”

“Of course!  Do not think that being a good brother and a good friend has made me shirk my responsibilities as a college student!”

“Heh.  Good.”

You put your phone in your pocket.  You won’t check it until you feel it buzz.  You try to make yourself forget about it during the movie.  It has a lot of cars in it.  Cars race and crash into each other— Papyrus loves it.

It seems like you’re enjoying it, too.  Papyrus has no idea that you’re still reeling from everything Toriel said—  She said it, plain as day.  You mean everything to her that she does to you.

☠ ☠ ☠

_*You’re alive_

 

You’re alive— back in your room, wrapped in two extra blankets and still shivering from the wind the Tornado generates.  Normally, it doesn’t bother you.  But for now, you’ll just have to wait until the chills subside.  It’s cold in your room.  So cold.  You might have to move down to the couch until your chills subside.

 

_*yep  
*you wanna talk?_

_*Yes._

 

You call her.  “Heyy.  Toriel.”  Her name is so pleasant to say.

“Hello.”

“You doing okay?”

“I was frightened with no way to contact you,” she says, “but I am alright now.  Thank you for what you said.”

“You too.  It, uh... means a lot.”

“I’m glad to hear you’re alright.”

“Yeah.  Sorry for scaring you.”

“I am sorry for offering emotional support and then... well, failing very miserably.”

“You meant well,” you say.  “I don’t care about the John Greeny details of human nature or selfishness, it’s...  It came from the right place.  I think that, you’re very good.”

Toriel laughs softly.  “Thank you.”

“Whatever happened with your kids...  You can talk about them, or not talk about them.  I can’t speak for them, but... you cared about them a lot, didn’t you?  You still do.  You really care a lot.  You don’t hide it at all.  I, uh...  The fact that you care.  It’s enough.  You don’t have to worry about saying the right thing.”

“You are very kind.”  She chuckles.  “I have said this before...  We do keep repeating ourselves.”

“Look,” you say, “I’m never gonna stop appreciating that you’ve stuck with me this whole time.  That’s not gonna change.  But I don’t know what’s gonna happen.  The future’s really... uncertain.  Any second, something else can go wrong, and...  I don’t think I can make any promises about what’ll happen.  Things are good right now.  But... man, how do I say this...”

“I think I understand,” Toriel says.  “Thank you for the warning, Sans.”

You pause.  She pauses.  When you’re both silent, when you’re both in completely different places... it’s like she’s disappeared before she speaks again.  “Would you like a hug?”

“A _hug_ this time?  You’re getting more and more generous.”

“It would make me feel better.”

“Alright.”

“I will not give you any instructions this time,” she says.  “You may... receive it however you want.”

You wrap the blankets tighter around yourself, imagining that Toriel has strong, burly arms to match her large hands.  You pretend to breathe in her scent, which is of apple pies and, for some reason, buttercups.  More realistically, she would probably smell like any regular human.  But for now, she smells of pies and buttercups.  It melts the chill away.

“Thanks,” you tell her.  “Feels warm.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this entire freaking thing in one day. ONE FREAKING DAY. I woke up at 6am this morning to go to starbucks because fridays aren't long enough. I wrote this on 4 hours of sleep and 3 cups of coffee.
> 
> To make up for the horrible angst of last chapter, this is fluffy. Pure fluffy. So fluffy. Yes, Sans nightmares genocide runs. Because every Sans has some vague knowledge about other timelines.
> 
> Fun fact: Chapter 13 is 13 pages.
> 
> If I do backstory, chapter 14 will be mostly backstory. If I skip backstory, chapter 14 will be a fun bit where Undyne aggressively makes a salad. Sorry for massive spoilers. Baby skelebros or aggressive salad-making, please decide for me.
> 
> Also, while I'm researching jobs you can do from home, suggestions are always helpful. Suggest a job that you can see Sans doing from home and I'll offer some heartfelt thanks for not having to come up with ideas myself!
> 
> Fun fact: I am going to sleep at 5pm tonight.


	14. Choosing Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY AUTHORS NOTE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT EVER. What kind of scientist even was Gaster? Was he just randomly an orthopedist at one point? Guess the heck what I don't care if this were real fiction I'd do my research but halfway through I suddenly realized that I am not getting paid for this. Ever wondered why I leave certain things specifically vague? That's because it's vague. 
> 
> Also now my mom is reading this so it's intimidating. Hi, mom. Sorry I haven't called in a week.
> 
> Trigger warning for self-harm and switching to past tense when backstory.

In the middle of the night, you wake up blazing.  You shrug off Toriel’s hug and search for something to cool you off.  You drag yourself to the tornado until your body changes its mind and you retreat back into bed.

 

_*i dont think im gonna sleep at all  
*hey if youre awake do you have any funny videos that are at least 4 hours long_

 

Toriel comes through once the sun comes out.  She sends you a Nyan Cat video that extends for ten hours.

 

_*thanks tori_

 

When she offers to stay up with you, you tell her that you think you are going to sleep after all.  Even though the idea of staying up talking to Toriel seems like it would cure your mental health and increase your bone density.  You’ll let the woman sleep.

You hear Papyrus getting up for his morning jog.  You attempt to call for help, but your voice is gone.  Welp.  That’s okay, you already accepted your death long ago.  You’d laugh if it didn’t hurt your lungs.  Your phone is right next to you.  It should be really easy.  Your brother’s just a text away.  You’re being dramatic.  

Papyrus comes back pretty soon, freshly jogged and very refreshed.  He peeks into your room and asks how you’re feeling.

“Help me,” you whisper.

“Are— are you okay...?”

“It’s cold...  I’m dying...”

Papyrus comes over and feels your head.  “No you aren’t,” he says.  “I... think?  Hey, what if you have some sort of infection from the surgery?  We should call a doctor right away!”

“No... you’re right, I’m not dying...  I’ve had a cold for a while.”

“Make up your mind!”

“It’ll, uh... probably go down in a couple days...”

“Do you need me to stay home today?” Papyrus asks.  “If you need anything, you’ll hardly be able to get it yourself...”

“Nah, nah I’ll... just dump me in front of the TV and I’ll be fine.  Don’t skip school.”

Papyrus brings you to the couch downstairs and leaves you with your phone, two bottles of water, and toast for breakfast.  “Do not hesitate to call,” he says.  “If you need me, by the first ring I’ll be right in front of you!  Like magic!”

“Go ahead or you’ll be late and they won’t let you in.”

Before he goes ahead, he leaves you pillows, a blanket, the TV remote, and a crappily sewn stuffed animal from his sewing days.  You’re not entirely sure what animal this is supposed to be.  It’s either a bear or a fish.  Probably.  You turn on the TV and switch it to the science channel, where they talk about science.

It’s some old program made for kids, but it’s a nice wave hello to your past.  Back before you were forced into aiding a crazed, ambitious old bastard with his research, you actually kind of enjoyed this stuff.  You could blame your tragic backstory on your kid self’s interest in science fiction, but that’d be too easy...

Papyrus texts you between classes to ask for updates on your condition.  You can’t really blame him, just a short while ago he expected you to poison yourself with pain meds.  Plus, your immune system is shit.  It would make sense to assume that physical health goes hand-in-hand with mental health, since your brother is a paradigm of physical health.  It’s been so long since he’s ever gotten sick, he’s probably forgotten what it’s like.

Those were the days.  When you used to fill your little brain with science fiction and Papyrus was sad enough to get sick sometimes.  Not that you miss those times.  Even if feeling sorry for him occasionally was a step up from fearing for his life.

☠ ☠ ☠

Just two more sentences into your book, and you were interrupted by another disgustingly wet cough.  You closed the book, tucked it under your arm, and peeked over the top of your shared bunk bed.

"Pap?" you called softly.  "You awake?"

Papyrus groaned.  You clambered up onto his bed and perched on the end of it.  "How're you feeling?"

"My throat hurts," he rasped.

"Hang on."

You put your book down on Papyrus's bed, left the room, and came back with tea.  Careful not to spill, you crawled over and handed it to him.  The room was left mostly dark except for a lamp you had switched on next to your bed.  The other boys, thankfully, were asked to leave Papyrus alone, so the room was quiet.  Papyrus sat up propped on his pillows and yours, clutching his mug and sipping slowly.

"Saaans," he whined.

"Mm?"

"Read me something?"

"Alright," you said.  "Uhh, Peekaboo With Fluffy Bunny?"

"What are _you_ reading?" he asked.

You turned your book over and showed him the cover.  "A Wrinkle in Time."

"Izzit any good?"

"Uh, I like it."

"What's it about?"

"It's kinda... hard to explain?  There's time travel in it.  I think it's cool."

"Read it to me?" he asked.

"Okay," you said.  "Scooch over."

Papyrus shifted to make room for you, and you crawled underneath the covers beside him.  You didn't feel like starting over, so you continued right from where you left off.

"What's going oooon?" Papyrus asked.  "What's IT?  They keep talking about IT!  So many things could be IT!  Is IT spaghetti?"

"Okay this is where it gets really weird," you said.  "So IT is this giant brain that controls everyone, and in order to...  Well, I didn't finish it yet, but I think they're tryin' to stop it from doing that?  With time travel."

"I don't get it."

You sighed and tried to explain it to him.  He got impatient and asked you to keep reading anyway.  You kept on going, forgetting that Papyrus was there and transporting your imagination into the creepy land of Camazotz.  The world shattered when Papyrus sneezed.  The sneezing turned into more coughing, and you gently rubbed his back until it stopped.

You were eager to find out what was going to happen, but more unnerved by Papyrus's shivering.  He was all hot and sweaty, but he seemed cold.  The blankets you had here were too thin to calm his chills.  You climbed down and brought up your blanket from your bottom bunk.

"You sure you don't want Peekaboo with Fluffy Bunny?" you asked.

"Mmmnnnnggh...."

"Okay, okay."

You kept reading and snuggled closer every time Papyrus shivered.  He stopped asking what was going on after a while.  You read several pages before you realized he was asleep.  You were kind of grateful for that; it was getting annoying to try and explain everything.

Eventually, you found yourself nodding off.  You folded your page and put the book down.  Your bed was devoid of all the bed necessities after you gave them all to Papyrus, and you were too tired to climb down anyway.  You curled up inside the very warm crook of Papyrus's arm and went to sleep.

You woke up hours later roasting from the heat.  Everyone else was in bed.  You clambered ungracefully down and took your book into the bathroom to read.  You didn't really have a bed that night, you reasoned with yourself, so you didn't put the book down until you found yourself waking up to someone pounding on the door demanding that they needed to pee.

You were a little disappointed in yourself for not finishing.  You were completely enthralled in this world of weird furry creatures now.  They were really nice.  You wanted to find out how the girl would save her brother, because you knew that the book wouldn't end unless she saved him.  She wouldn't give up on her brother.

You remembered your brother and went to check on him.  He was only your pretend brother, but you'd still... you'd still try to save him if he were being held captive by a giant evil brain, probably.

Papyrus was doing better.  Sitting up and demanding Peekaboo With Fluffy Bunny because The Wrinkled Time was boring.

It started off with one tiny cough that led to another cough and then a horrible coughing fit.  You knew at the time that getting close to Papyrus and falling asleep next to him was a really bad idea at the time, but you didn't care until, well...

You caught whatever it was that he had.  You caught it a lot worse.  What put Papyrus to bed a couple days with the cute little sniffles usually landed you in the hospital.  This time, though, they were used to you getting sick and let you stay in bed for two weeks barely able to move.  It was frustrating, waiting for Meg to save her brother.  You asked Papyrus to read to you, but he couldn't pronounce most of the words.  He put it down and asked if you'd like another book instead.  You politely refused.

You had a doctor's appointment coming up anyway, so they let you hold out until then.  Your doctor wanted to give you some x-rays to see if it was normal for a kid like you to break as many bones as you did.  He made an appointment to take another look at you, and you'd have to spend another few hours being poked and prodded and tested.

It was important for you to keep up with your appointments.  It was hard to tell when you had a bad accident, because you didn't seem to know how to scream and most people said that your smiles and grimaces looked exactly the same.  Papyrus could tell.  Usually because you told him.  And because he cared.

You had this fun game with him where you pretended you were brothers.  It wasn't a secret.  You two pretended so hard that sometimes you could even make yourselves believe it.  Most everyone outside the home did, even though Papyrus was tall and weedy and you were short and stout like an adorable teapot.  

By that time, you were able to holds things again.  You brought your book into the waiting room and kept reading until they brought you in to see Dr. Gaster.  You brought your book with you into the claustrophobic little room with disturbing pictures of colorful animals.  Dr. Gaster said hello.  You ignored him because you didn't care about anything that happened until Meg saved her little brother.

"Hm," was all the doctor said, and he didn't say anything else for a while.  His silence unnerved you.

You looked up.  "Oh, don't let me interrupt you," he said.  "In my opinion, the ending is a bit of a disappointment, but you'll probably want to find out what happens."

"Uhh..."  You looked at the book and shut it.  "That just means I'll be here longer, huh."

"You probably want to get things over with as quickly as possible."

"Uh-huh."

"Have a seat."

He explained that he was taking pictures of your bones.  You knew this already.  He said you seemed tired.  You told him you were up late catching up on reading.

"Do you like that book?" he asked.

You nodded.

"It's rather advanced for someone your age.  Do you like reading?"

"If it's interesting."

You weren't sure if he was just trying to be friendly, but he started talking about how the book was a pretty good introduction to time travel for children.  He asked if you understood everything that was happening.  You said you did.  You asked him if he ever read it.

"Very long ago," he said.

"I think it's really cool."

"Do you like science fiction?"

You asked what science fiction was.  It's fiction about science, he explained simply.  Stories about time travel and robots and aliens.  That got you hooked.  "How would you feel," he asked you, "if I told you I knew of the most fascinating science fiction, only it's real?"

"Fiction's not real."  You kind of had a grasp of the fact that fiction meant fake.

"I guess if you take away the fiction from science fiction, that just leaves science."

"Okay."

"Do you like science?"

If it has more time travel and robots and aliens and it's all real, you said you loved science.  Dr. Gaster finished taking pictures of your bones and said he was going to look at them.  You didn't want to go home.  You wanted to talk more about A Wrinkle In Time.  You didn't have anyone at home to talk about your books with.  No one else liked your books.  Then again, no one else could _read_ your books either.

"I'll tell you what," Gaster said.  "Once you're finished that one, I can bring you some more books I think you'd like."

You grinned.  Dr. Gaster smiled.  His smile was crooked.  A scar ran down his face that made it look like his eye was dripping into his mouth.  He looked almost like a science fiction character.

You finished the book that night.  You didn't think the ending was a disappointment at all, except for the part where the three star ladies disappeared forever.  The next day, you were actually excited for the first time to see the doctor.  He had the results of your x-rays to go over.

All you wanted to do was talk about the book, but the doctor had to interrupt to tell you about your bones.  Your caregiver must be waiting for you, but there would be plenty of time to talk later.  He was looking forward to seeing you again.

For a while, you wore a brace under your clothes to keep your back straight.  You hated it.  Wearing that thing was a hassle.  At least you got to see Dr. Gaster more often.  He wanted to keep checking up on you.  He said it was very important to keep up and see how you were doing.

Was the brace making things easier?  You said no.  You asked for the books.  He asked you not to be angry with him.  Your body was a little different from other childrens' bodies, he said, and it wasn't bad, you just needed to be treated more delicately.

"But you aren't like them, are you.  You don't seem to be a lot like other boys."

"I dunno."

"You like reading, not all that awful violent rough housing other kids do.  It's better to stay out of it, in my opinion."

You said you never thought you were that different.  You thought it was fun sometimes.  Playing around until someone knocked you down and you got hurt.  Might be nice if you could fight or play without having to be careful.  Dr. Gaster assured you that it wasn't worth it.  He told you he had a secret for you.  Boys like that, he said, wind up in jail someday.  Boys like you grow up to help change the world.

You didn't know what he meant about changing the world.  But you looked forward to your next appointments with him.  He had more books.  You got to talk about the books.  He had some interesting things to say.  He liked to hear what you had to say.

He asked one day if you thought of him as a friend.  You said you didn't know.  He wanted to be your friend.  He gave you puzzles with books sometimes.  He watched you solve puzzles while you waited for the result of a test.  He praised you for your ability to solve them in less time than he would have expected.

You didn't like puzzles much, so you gave some of Gaster's puzzles to Papyrus.  He loved puzzles.

You taught him how to find words in world searches and how to solve the paper's junior jumble.  He practiced until he had something he was proud enough to show to Dr. Gaster himself.  "Could you show him this next time you go?" he asked.

Sure.  Why not.

Dr. Gaster asked if you completed the puzzles.  He seemed very interested.  You hadn't done any of them while you were at home.  You handed over the ones that Papyrus did.  "Hmm."  His creepy, drippy smile faded into a drippy frown.  "This doesn't... look like your handwriting."

"Yeah, my friend Papyrus did them."

"Ah.  That would, um, explain a lot.  Did you do any of them?"

"Nah."

"Why not?" Dr. Gaster asked.  "Do you not like solving puzzles?"

"Not really."

"Oh."  He seemed disappointed.  "Well, your friend didn't get any of these right.  I honestly don't know what he was trying to do here.  I've never seen anyone confuse Sudoku for tic-tac-toe."

"Aren't puzzles meant to be fun?"

"I suppose...  Yes."

"He's getting better.  Did you see the word searches?"

"Word searches don't exactly take any real brain power..."

"He was real excited for me to show you."

"Well..."  Dr. Gaster briefly looked them over.  "He did find most of the words."

"He spent hours."

"Hours?"

"Yeah.  He really likes them.  Junior jumble's his favorite.  Do you have any more junior jumble?  He'd love that."

"I'm afraid I don't."

Dr. Gaster promised to give Papyrus easier puzzles if you would do a couple really special ones that he had picked out just for you.  It was a deal.  Papyrus was delighted.  Dr. Gaster gifted him a hundred piece jigsaw puzzle that made a colorful bunny rabbit.  Papyrus wanted to meet your doctor.  He said he sounded really nice.

Maybe someday you can come with, you said.  It'd be nice if Papyrus could become friends with the creepy doctor, too.  Even if he put an uncomfortable brace on your back, he was fun to talk to and had some great books.

You didn't know why he kept making you do puzzles, though.  Until one day he looked them over and smiled wider than usual.  "I've been testing you," he said.

"Huh."

"All those tests.  They've proved my theory that you've got abnormally high intelligence."

"Nah, I think I'm kind of an idiot."

"These tests say otherwise."

He leaned forward and gave what was obviously meant to be his warmest smile.  "Listen.  Sans.  I've had a few talks with the people at your home.  I've told them that their little establishment might not be the best place for you.  All those rough children, it's dangerous.  You belong in a place that can give you proper care."

You felt a chill.  "I don't..."

"I'm getting old, and... I've always thought about having children, but I never got around to it.  Now I'm too steeped in my work to try to start over.  But I've enjoyed your company immensely.  I think you're a bright and charismatic child.  You deserve a good home."

You didn't know what charismatic meant.  He said it meant you were likeable.  You thought that was hilarious.  You had to tell Papyrus that.  Someone thought you were likeable.  Of course, it was someone like the old doc.  Only someone who reminded you of yourself would think you were likeable.  You asked if he was joking.

"Of course not," Dr. Gaster said.  "I look forward to our visits so much that..."  He leaned closer.  "Listen," he said.  "How would you... like a home, with me?"

You blinked.  That was kinda putting you on the spot.  A home with the old doctor...  "Um, that sounds..."

"I have such a large collection of books.  And all that science I told you about, I could show it all to you.  Perhaps you could even help me with it.  Bringing science fiction to life, how does that sound?"

"That sounds awesome," you said.  "But I'm not going anywhere without Papyrus."

"Papyrus?" he said, leaning back.  "Ah, your friend..."

"Yeah, the one who sucks at your puzzles."

"Oh.  Well, they did say you two were rather attached to each other.  I guess..."

"Papyrus thinks you sound like a cool guy.  He's, uh... I don't know how much he likes science, but he loves puzzles."

"You two aren't... actually related, are you?"

"Nah.  Except we might be.  No one really knows."

"Then... why do you like him so much?  He isn't very smart, is he?"

Your grin twitched.  "Okay, I don't like you anymore."

"That's..."

"Listen, bucko, Papyrus is awesome.  He's funny and a whole lot more fun than you are."

"Please don't hate me now."

You laughed.  "All you do is talk.  If you think I'm gonna give up Papyrus just to listen to some old fart talk all day, you're... really stupid."

"That isn't very nice," said Dr. Gaster.

"Okay, yeah.  I guess... I'm sorry?"

"Well, it's your choice.  I will not force you to do anything you don't want to.  I just hoped..."  He sighed.  "I'm sorry you don't like me very much.  Won't you give me another chance?"

"Yeah."  You held out your hand.  Hidden in your palm was a little something you bought with your tiny allowance.  "Put 'er there."

Gaster smiled and took your hand.  In a split second, he yelped and drew his hand back.  "Ah," he gasped, his hand shaking, "very amusing!  I did not see that coming!"

Maybe the doc was good for a prank.  But you didn't want him to be your dad.  Anyone who couldn't see the point in someone like Papyrus...  Yeah, he was boring.  You couldn't stop thinking about all the cool machines he talked about, but you didn't care about them anymore.

Still, that night, as you devoured another one of his books, you couldn't help feeling bad.  The man actually liked you.  Maybe you just didn't know how to feel about that.  You imagined for a second actually having a home.  Having a place to yourself.  Your own room, a quiet place to sit down and think for once....

Through the darkness, you heard a quiet sniffling.  You put your book down on the pillow and climbed up to the top bunk.  You weren't the only one awake.  Papyrus was curled up on his mattress, hunched over and shaking, his face jammed into his pillow to muffle his sobbing.  He lifted up his head to look up at you.  He wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"What's up?" you asked.

"Everything," he sniffed.

"Uh..."

"I'm sad."

You couldn't have guessed that.   _The usual?_ you wondered.

"I g-got in a fight today," he whispered.

That was new.  He continued.  "I... I don't know, someone... someone said they were gonna hurt you!  They said... they said they were gonna break you like...  They broke a glass, and said they were gonna break you just like that.  I should have just told on them but... but I was so angry!  I said if they did that, then... I'd break them first."

"That's... not like you."

"I know!  They were trying....  I don't remember everything that happened, but I... I actually hit someone."

What did the brat do.  You shivered in the darkness.  Anyone who could make Papyrus snap like that....  "They had it coming."

"No!  I should have... I should have talked to him!  I'm sure if I just asked why he was angry with you, we could have worked something out!  Now he's angry at me, too, and I just made everything worse!"

"No you didn't.  You stuck up for yourself for once."

You rested a hand on his shoulder.  It felt tense.  "I said I was sorry, but... he's still hurt.  I hit him really hard.  I d-didn't mean to..."

"Now they know you're strong and they shouldn't mess with you."

"I don't know... why we can't just all be friends."  He hiccupped.  "I wish I had a h-home, Sans."

Here it was.  This was the usual.  Except this time...  You couldn't tell him.  Papyrus wanted a family so bad.  You couldn't tell him that someone wanted you when no one wanted him yet.  You thought for sure he'd get adopted someday, or his real parents would show up and demand to take him back.  He'd be showered with love and kisses like he always wanted.

You were sure of that, but...

What was wrong with this Dr. Gaster dude?  How could he want you and not Papyrus?

You told him that someday he'd make his own home and be the coolest dad ever.  He'd adopt a million kids and make them all really happy.  And you'd be their weird uncle.  The weird, single babysitter uncle with funny stories and magic tricks.  You had been planning to tell him about Gaster, but now you didn't want to.

You made yourself stay awake until he stopped crying.  Then you let yourself fall asleep, using his chest as a pillow.  You had weird dreams about Dr. Gaster coming to kidnap you and then melting into a goo monster.

When you woke up, you heard Papyrus snoring in your ear and knew that everything was fine.  You didn't know why you were scared of the doctor.  But you didn't trust him anymore.

The next day, after school, you got a visit from a couple people you'd never seen before.  Papyrus was called in to talk with them.  You wondered if somehow he was in trouble from hitting that kid from the other day.  You waited around outside the door until he came out.

Finally, he bounded out of the room, grinning from ear to ear.  You asked him what happened.

"They—"  He grabbed your shoulders.  He was so excited he could barely speak.  "They said... they said they're looking into adoption!  They live near here, and they wanna be my mom and dad!"

"Whoa."  It took you a few seconds to process that.  Papyrus was... those people were...

"Sans?"

His smile fell at your lack of reaction.  You were numb.  This meant... Papyrus was going away?  He was going to have a home?  "You're... leaving?"

"I hope so!"

"You're gonna..."  You thought back to your last appointment with Dr. Gaster.  "You're gonna go with them?"

"Definitely!  Sans, I'm..."  A tear leaked down his face.  "I can't believe this is really happening!"

"But..."  You couldn't get your mouth to work.  You refused the old man in zero seconds flat.  Now Papyrus was...  "You're just... gonna go?"

He cocked his head to one side.  "Are you okay?  Does your stomach hurt?  You're not jumping for joy."

You knew one thing.  You hated the strange man and woman in the other room.  You didn't know anything else.  You didn't even know what was going on.  You couldn't take it all in.  Those weird people were going to take Papyrus away.  "Don't..."  You reached out and latched your hand onto the front of his shirt.  "Don't go."

"Why not?"

"Don't..."

You were shaking.  You let go of him and walked away.  You locked yourself in the bathroom, ignoring Papyrus's knocking and demanding to know what was wrong with you.  When you finally brought yourself out to eat, he seemed upset at you.  He wanted to know why you weren't happy.

"We're... it's just that...  I know it was fake, but we said we were brothers."

"Ohh!  I get it!  You're going to miss me!  Well, don't worry, I'll come over and visit every day!  You won't be able to get enough of me!  You don't think I'd just leave you behind, would you?  I actually...  I asked if they could take you, too, but they said no."

He hung his head.  He explained that they weren't equipped for taking care of someone like you.  But he wasn't just going to leave forever.  He'd be really close by.  You could come over whenever you wanted.

He didn't get it.  It just wasn't the same.  You didn't understand how he could just give you up like that.  He understood that something was wrong, and crawled into your bed that night.  He let you know you were still brothers, but now he would be much happier.  Someday, he knew you'd find yourself a family, too.

You still didn't tell him about Gaster.

Before you knew it, he was gone.  Whisked away by a couple with plastic smiles and loving promises.  The bunk above you was empty.  Papyrus didn't think of this part.  You did, every night you slept with him.  He was gone, and you didn't know how to sleep without an elbow jamming into your side anymore.  You squeezed a pillow, but it made a poor replacement.  The pillow didn't breathe like Papyrus.  It had no hard corners or sharp edges.  It didn't squeeze you back.

One of the boys asked what you were gonna do without your bodyguard.  You didn't bother answering.   Instead, you hung around the bigger people who could hit back without breaking something.  You asked to see Dr. Gaster.  A phone call later, and he said he could make it that afternoon.

He asked how you were doing.  How was your friend?  "He's gone," you said.  "Guess that leaves me no choice, huh?"

"Gone?" asked Dr. Gaster.  "What do you mean?"

"Some nice couple came to take him in and give him all the love he wanted.  Now he's really happy."

"And you're not."  Dr. Gaster shook his head sympathetically.  "His loyalty definitely doesn't match yours."

"He just...."

"Seems he wasn't what you thought he was.  That is a tremendous shame.  I'm so sorry."

"Hey, it's not like he's dead," you said.  "So.  Guess I'll just have to come with you."

"Oh!  What a pleasant surprise!  I'm so happy you decided to change your mind, Sans."

"Heh."  Your grin stretched.  "You really thought it'd be that easy, huh?"

He blinked, taken aback.  "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know why, but I got the feeling like this is all your fault."

He frowned.  "You've been reading too much," Dr. Gaster said.  "That's a terrible accusation to make."

"Right.  Well, it's still a no.  Sorry, buster, you're gonna have to be a little more creative."

"I shouldn't have encouraged you to read so much," Gaster sighed.  He shook his head.  "You've taken to thinking everything is a conspiracy.  I had nothing to do with your friend's adoption.  I know your type, I was just like you.  Too creative.  Too caught up in my own imagination.  Well, I'm sorry to tell you this, but not everyone is a villain.  You should let people care about you.  And you should let your friend be happy."

"I don't know why you want me so bad, but you're gonna have to try a little harder."

"I see... with that type of thinking, you'll never let yourself be happy."  He asked what you wanted.  What would make you happy?  Would you let anyone in?  Would you ever trust anyone?  Would you let yourself open up to other people?  He wouldn't talk to most children the way he talked to you, he said.  But he felt like he could talk to you like a friend.  Please reconsider, he begged.  I don't want to be enemies.

What were you fighting against?  You didn't even know.  You didn't know how to answer his questions.  What would make you happy, having your brother back was all you could think of.  Even if you knew he had everything he wanted now.

"What if," he said, "there was a way to get him back?  If you had a home with Papyrus, if you could really be his brother, would that make you happy?"

That would definitely make you happy.  "But you don't even like him."

"I never said that.  Why do you assume the worst in me...."

Everyone would win, he said.  You'd have a home.  Papyrus would have a home.  You'd never have to worry about getting hurt again.  And the books.  The books, and the real-life science, and all the protection and care he would offer.  He wasn't going to give up on you.

Once he bribed you with the kid, he had you sold.  That was your big mistake.  You were overly clingy.  Hard to blame yourself when you were less than ten years old, but you agreed.  You happily agreed.

If the doc knew just how stupid you were, he wouldn't have wanted anything to do with you.

You know today about what he did, because eventually he outright admitted it to you.  The adoption wasn't finalized, and the would-be parents were still tentative about their decision.  Getting them to change their minds wasn't even a challenge for him.

Papyrus didn't understand what had happened.  One day, his new parents were telling him how glad they were to have him.  Next day, they were awkwardly explaining that it just wasn't going to work out.  They were very sorry.  But you surprised him by announcing that he was still going to have a home, and you were going to be brothers.  They let you break the news to him.

You were worried about how he would take it.  But to your surprise, he threw his arms around you and cried about how happy he was.  He wouldn't stop chattering away on the ride to Dr. Gaster's house, telling him about how excited he was to finally meet the great Puzzle Master.

He unpacked his things in your new room, remarking on every detail of the place.  You were a little puzzled to see that he had prepared everything for two people in such a short amount of time.  There were two beds, enough closet space for both of you, it was like he planned this from the very beginning.

No matter how uneasy you were about the whole thing, you were happy that Papyrus was happy.  Even if you cringed the first time he called him "Dad."  Gaster didn't seem to know who he was talking to.

Overall, he actually spoiled you in your childhood before he had you drugged into submission.  To be fair, you gave him a hard enough time.  It’s no wonder Papyrus thought the world of him, with a look you could communicate that unless he acted like the greatest of fathers in the history of fathers, you weren’t going to do anything he said.  He didn’t ask for huge favors. _Come down into the lab with me.  I want to teach you everything I know so you can someday carry on my work.  Let’s get to work and move mountains!_

Okay, so you were kind of a little shit.  He was trying so desperately hard to be nice and appeal to you, and all you had against him was your instinct.  Poor guy.  He didn’t know anything about kids, he was really confused, and you didn’t make his job any easier.  You picked up what he taught you pretty fast, so that kept him from trying to get rid of you.  You’re still impressed by his persistence.

It wasn’t until your teen years that he gave up and tried drugging you.  You stopped actively being an asshole and started finding other passive aggressive ways to piss him off.  Flunking tests claiming you really tried your best, joining the school band which old Dad thought of as a distraction and a waste of time.  You had a lot of fun in your early years of highschool.  You were in with most every group, especially the “bad” kids.  You were the butt of every joke, but it was because they liked you.

Papyrus had no idea who you were hanging out with, what you were doing, and all he saw was that you had a lot of friends.  Becoming popular was one of his dreams, and to him, it looked like you had everything he wanted.  Lots of friends, good grades, quality time with Dad.  You got it all without putting any effort in.  There was too much to explain, so you didn’t bother.  Your relationship with everyone at home was strained, so you spent most of your time away from home, where you and your friends went out and vandalized children’s playgrounds and smoked on street corners.

Gaster didn’t understand.  “Why don’t you spend any time with your brother anymore?” he asked.  It was like he was saying, “I got you your favorite toy, it was really expensive, why did you stop playing with it?”  He reminded you that he took Papyrus away from his other home just so you could have him.  Then, of course, you felt so guilty you couldn’t look Papyrus in the face for weeks.

Luckily, the panic attack you got from forgetting to take your meds made you best friends again.  Papyrus realized that maybe you didn’t have everything he wanted after all.  At least he was mentally healthy.  He stayed on top of you to remind you to take your medicine every day.  It was nice to have him back.

It wasn’t for very long.  Gaster wanted to make sure you got into a good college, so he cracked down on you, increasing the meds and forbidding you to go out at night until you got in.  Even Papyrus suggested that it might be a bit too much.  Perhaps you didn’t need more medicine, just some good old fashioned motivation.  The fight had been drugged out of you by then, so you did whatever he wanted.  You got in with honors and scholarships, and Papyrus stayed behind to go to community college.  

You made a valuable assistant, but you weren’t enough.  He got himself a second assistant, who, unlike you, was glad to help.  Alphys was a huge nerd with buckteeth, terrible eating habits, a love for weird comic books, and a willingness to do half your work for you.  Her enthusiasm made work a lot easier.

Thank god for Alphys, or you might never have made it this far.

☠ ☠ ☠

Papyrus insists that you can’t put it off any longer.  He helps you into the bath, and it takes every ounce of your being not to make some stupid joke about the eyeful he’s getting.  He’s doing his best to look away.  “I’ll be right in the next room if you need anything,” he says.  “Do not hesitate or be embarrassed!  I have full understanding of your situation and—”

“Chill,” you tell him.

He makes a hasty retreat.  You lie back and sigh.  Papyrus suggested that taking a bath would also help with your cold.  He’s right.  You can feel your sinuses clearing.  Without any effort at all, you’ve completed one item on Papyrus’s list.  You’re cleaning yourself, next you’ll have to clean up your room, then your act, then your life...  It all sounds really tiring.  Too tiring.  Just thinking about it is making you fall asleep.

That and the steam...  The howling wind outside just makes it even nicer.  The cold is out there, you’re in here, it’s nice...  The water’s nice...

You hear Papyrus stomping around outside.  It doesn’t sound like he’s doing homework.  You have no idea what he’s up to, but... you’re too tired to yell at him.  You know what, if you’re finally getting a break, he deserves one, too.  You close your eyes and let yourself drift off.  It feels like years since you last got a decent nap...

☠ ☠ ☠

You wake up shivering.  Your skin is pruny, and the water is cold.  How long have you been in here...?  “Papyrus...?” you call.

The door bangs open.  “You rang?”

“How c-could you forget about me like this.”

He blinks.  “You left me alone to die,” you whisper.  You smile because you mean it all in good fun.  “Okay, honestly help me out here.”

He helps you out.  As a special favor he lets you borrow his fluffy red bathrobe.  He’s been very generous lately.  He’s grinning.  He looks proud of himself.  “I thought you’d be a while,” he says.

“You must have the power to divine the future.”

“So while you were passed out, I decided to have some good, _clean_ fun.”

“Uh, I’m scared to find out what that means.”

He throws your door open.  “Surprise.”

You don’t feel the usual breeze that comes from the tornado.  This isn’t your room.  The tornado’s gone.  “You... cleaned it.”

“Yes, and to be honest, it wasn’t _clean_ fun at all!  It was pretty filthy.  For a room so small, it was _loads_ of work.  Loads.  Of laundry.”

“Ha.  Ha ha.”

“Right, like _your_ puns are any better!”

All your clothes are in the wash, he tells you.  He asks why you don’t own a single pair of pajamas.  It’s because you’re too tired to change your clothes when you come home.  Papyrus rants about how unhealthy that is while you hop over to your mattress.  The sheets have been changed.  Papyrus has replaced your bunched-up cabbage sheets with clean, smooth purple ones.  He’s covered the pillows too, and folded the blankets.  There’s a happy looking vacuum cleaner against the wall.  You’re surprised you didn’t wake up to the sound of a vacuum right on the other side of the wall.  Even with all the noise Papyrus must have made while cleaning.

He must have aired the room out, because it smells fresh, and he’s dusted your dresser.  A space heater’s been plugged in.  The only mess is in the corner, where the contents of the tornado have been put in a pile.  “I wasn’t sure what to do with this stuff,” Papyrus says.  “I didn’t know if it was trash, or if it was important—”

You recognize a lot of papers, and one plate of spaghetti.  “Eh, trash it all.”

“I threw away several rubber bands,” he says.  “Why do you have so many rubber bands anyway?”

You look up.  “You threw away my rubber bands?”

“I’m... sorry about that?  I kept the orange ones.  Can I have them?”

“Sure you can have ‘em.  It’s, uh... it’s fine.  I have more.  Check in the drawer.”

“That was a mess too,” Papyrus says.  He opens up the top drawer of your dresser.  “Yes, there’s a weird-looking rubber band ball.  I didn’t know you collected rubber bands.  What else do you collect?  Besides for dust.”

“Socks.”

“Yes I know, you leave them all over the house!”  He huffs in annoyance.  You shrug guiltily.  You never did pick up your socks.  Papyrus walks over to the pile and goes through it.  “I... I noticed one thing in the tornado that...”  He bends up and picks up a torn calendar.  “I don’t know, it struck me as odd.”

He sits down on the mattress and flips through it.  You recognize that calendar.  You recognize all the black X’s through days and weeks and months before you lost it.  The rest of the months are blank until the month of June.  After that, there’s a mess of black scribbles covering up the rest of the days.  You scribbled black marker over the rest of the calendar.  “I was testing out a sharpie,” you say.

“More like _wasting_ a sharpie.  I don’t mean to pry or anything, but... I couldn’t help but notice that the messy black scribbles start on the day of my graduation!  It was nice of you to mark the date so far in advance, but it isn’t marked with smiley faces and party hats.”

Your heart sinks.  He _really_ wasn’t supposed to see that.  You grin harder.  You just want to curl up and die.  “Don’t worry about it,” you tell him.

“Well, _now_ I’m worried!  It almost looked like...”  He stops talking.  It’d be easier now to tell him the truth and get this over with.  But there’s still the chance he won’t get it.  He’s gone so long without noticing anything.  “For once, can we skip the guessing games, and can you just... tell me what it means?”

“Hell if I know,” you say.  “I was probably shitfaced when I did that.  Don’t know what it’s doing here.  Just put it in the trash.”

“Okay.”  He throws it away.  “And this plate of spaghetti?”

“Trash.”

“What?!  I worked hard on this!”

“It’s growing mushrooms.”

 _“You’re_ growing mushrooms!”

“Guess I need to pick up the pace...”

“Well, I was hoping we were going to pick up everything.”

“Heh...”   _Keep him distracted....  Keep him from guessing..._

“How about this sock?  It is so worn I think it is beyond repair.”

“That socks.”

Papyrus throws the sock at you, then picks it up and throws it away.  You see your phone lying on your dresser.  It’s too far to reach.

“What about this lamp?  It’s completely broken— I can’t believe you just put a flashlight in it!  And— I don’t believe it, it’s out of batteries!  Does this room even have a working light?  Oh right, the ceiling light is on!  That’s good!  Ever thought about selling your trombone?  You never play it anymore, thankfully.”

“I couldn’t bear to part with it...”

“What ever happened to all your books?”

“Sold ‘em.”

He continues digging through your things, and most everything goes in the trash.  He says it’s a shame you missed vacuuming.  He had lots of fun.  He danced around singing “Another One Fights the Dust.”  You can’t believe you didn’t wake up from that racket.  Thankfully, he seems to forget about the calendar in his excitement to finally clean up your room.  You lie down watching him and think back to it.  Is your plan still going to work...?  You hope Papyrus didn’t take you seriously when you said you wanted to die.  He has all the pieces now, he just needs to put them together.

“Wow, I can’t believe we’re done!  That’s... that’s really everything!  I can’t believe it!  I’m glad we don’t have to clean under your bed since... you don’t really have one.”

Good, that means he didn’t find all the empty pill bottles.

“Besides for the empty pill bottles.  Underneath your mattress doesn’t seem like... the most convenient of places to keep things?”

“Sleeping meds,” you say.  “Guess they just rolled underneath.”

Before Papyrus can ask about them, you hear a lovely ringing coming from downstairs.  “Ah, your clothes are clean!  One second, I’m going to put them in the dryer.”

He bounds off and you crawl to your dresser to get your phone.  Toriel’s left you a few more videos for your entertainment.  She asks how you’re doing.

 

_*bro just cleaned my whole room_

_*Amazing!  Perhaps he is not as problematic as I accused him to be._

_*not at all_  
_*im kinda freaking out right now because_  
_*he found something he shouldnt have_

_*The dead bodies?_

_*nah still got those skeletons in the closet_

_*Good one, Sans!_

_*haha yeah_

_*Honestly though, what did he find that worries you?_

_*uh.  
*a calendar.  its a long story_

_*Is it decorated with pornographical images?_

_*yeah all these naked skeletons_

 

You want to tell her so bad.  You don’t even know why— you’ve never wanted to tell anyone before.  This must be how she must feel about her kids.  What would happen if you told someone...?  It’s not like she’d be able to stop you.  But how low are you willing to stoop, making her suffer more just so you can get this off your chest?

She cares about you a lot.  It’s nice that she does.  But now, as she makes puns about pornographic skeletons, it starts to hurt.  You’ll miss her, if you ever have the guts to go through with your plan.  Or hopefully you won’t miss her at all.  You’ll feel nothing, but she’ll miss you.

There’s one stray rubber band that Papyrus left on the floor.  You pick it up and slide it on your wrist.  You begin to snap it methodically against your arm.  The sting reminds you of your old science partner, so there’s something almost pleasantly nostalgic about it.  You stop when you hear Papyrus bounding up the stairs.  You take it off and hide it under your pillow.

 

_*On a scale of one to ten, how would you say you’re feeling right now?_

_*uh_  
_*times like these you wanna always say 0 but more realistically im_  
_*better than i was a couple days ago_  
_*id give it a fair 2_  
_*howre you_

_*I’d give myself a healthy 6, knowing you are at least a little bit better._  
_*I suppose it could, and has been better._  
_*What was in that calendar, honestly?_

_*you okay?_

_*Do not make me ask you again, young man._

_*pfft somehow i doubt youre that old  
*you can cut the grandma act_

_*I will send you to your room._

_*im already in my room  
*havent left it in like 2 weeks_

_*WELL THEN I WILL SEND YOU OUT OF YOUR ROOM!  
*Into the corner you go._

_*not up for kinky roleplaying right now_

_*Oh my god.  
*Do stop changing the subject.  You distract me so easily._

_*i mean if we keep going like this my humors not gonna stay pg13 what do you expect_

_* >:/_

 

“Ah, wow I can actually stand to stand in this room right now!  I never thought I would live to see the day!”  Papyrus spreads his arms and inhales deeply through his nose.  “It smells so fresh and clean!  Like a bedroom should!  Like _my_ bedroom does!”

“Thanks, bro.”

“I will not do that again, so please make sure to maintain it.”

“You’re the best.”

“I am!”

 

_*ok it was a sort of countdown  
*to his graduation_

_*Were you planning to surprise him?_

_*in a matter of speaking_

_*...Your reluctance to be specific worries me._

 

“Who _do_ you keep texting?”

_Oooh yeah~!_

“Who do _you_ keep texting?  Couldn’t’ve taken you that long to put laundry in a dryer without doing something in the meantime.”

Papyrus puts his phone in his pocket.  “I already told you, it’s nobody!  My friend, Nobody.”  His phone moans again and he cringes.  “Sans...  What were you planning to do after my graduation?”

“Party...?”

“And _then_ what?  I’m... I’m sorry, I _have_ to ask you this...”  You know what’s coming.  You’ve never heard him sound like this.  His voice cracks.  “Were you going to...”

He can’t say it.  He can’t bring himself to.  “You know...” he whispers.

 

_*gtg bros telling me how to maintain my room_

_*What does “G.T.G.” stand for?_

 

Your smile twitches.  You look down.  “Just look at the dates.  I got that calendar months ago.  I... I was having a bad day.  Just thinking that...  If I had to call it quits, I might as well wait till you were done with college.  It was something stupid that I...”

“That you kept up for _weeks.”_

“Yeah... who knew I could keep up with something consistently for that long...”

He drops to his knees and hugs you.  You pat his back.  “It’s okay, I don’t think I’m gonna do it.  Not anymore.”   _You can’t believe he actually figured it out..._

“I don’t know why I called you sluggish.  Anyone would be sluggish if they were carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.”

“And by the weight of the world, you mean—”

“Yes, I mean me.”

“Heh.  You should really slim down.”

“Right!  Like you’re one to talk!”

This is a very touching moment.   _“It’s because you’re my whole world, bro,”_ you whisper.

“Okay, that’s it.”  Papyrus lets go.  You snicker idiotically and you have no idea if it’s because this is funny or if you’re just hysterical.  “Have you...”  He looks at his lap, then back at you.  “You haven’t... hurt yourself, have you?  In more ways than just abusing your body with your work and not sleeping well...  Please, I don’t want to go here any more than you do, but...”  He sighs.

“Haven’t left a mark, if that’s what you mean.”

“So... no cutting?”

“You did your research, huh.”

“I did.”

“Nope.”  You wink.  “Haven’t slit my arms open since my college days.  Made too big of a mess.  Cleaning up was a pain.”

“Was that because of...”  He stops.  His hunches have been right so far, so you suppose he can only be thinking what you’re thinking.

“Don’t worry about it.  It’s...”  He’s shaking.  “You look really bad.”

“I... didn’t know...!”

“Hey.  Listen.  I’m not gonna...  That stuff’s done with.  You gotta worry about yourself first.  This was... this was what I was afraid of.  I didn’t want you to...”   _Shit._  “Don’t let this eat you up.”

“I’ll...”  Slowly, he nods.  “Well, I know how much you want me to graduate, so I’m not going to stop working hard at that!  But... you have to work hard too, okay?  I want you to give up on giving up!”

“Got it.”

“You have to do more to help yourself!  You choose what to start with, and I’ll make sure you stay on top of it.  Anything from the list.  I can go get it if—”

“Okay.  I’ll put away my laundry.”

“Wowie!”  Papyrus beams.  “Today is truly a new day!  I don’t believe it!  You are going to put away your laundry!  All by yourself?”

Your eye twitches.  “Remember the weight of the world thing...”

“This is so exciting!”

“Did you do your homework?”

“I have just one final left to study for and then I’m done with the semester!  Life is so wonderful, isn’t it?”

“Yeah... life’s great...”

 

_*it means got to go_

_*Ah, thank you!  That’s alright, I found out myself.  I had to go on Urban Dictionary in order to do it.  That site is horrid, but it has all the answers._

_*tori please love yourself_

 

“Is it Grillby?  Is that who you’re texting?”

“Yeah.  It’s about time you know.  I’m having an affair with Grillby.”

“Well, I’m having an affair with Mettaton!”  Cue the sexy actor’s moan, and Papyrus texts back whoever he’s been texting.

Does he even know what that means?  It sounds wrong coming from him.  

 

_*toriel is my brother texting you too_

_*No?  Why?_

_*i think he has his own pun-pal_  
_*he seems really shy about it but i cant tell who it is_  
_*he only has one crush that i know of but i dont think thats a possibility_

Papyrus notices that you’re both texting, and he says something about going back to studying.  He’ll bring up your clothes when they’re dry.  You curl up in your freshly made bed and reach under your pillow.  It feels... smooth, there’s no other way to describe it.  It’s warm and comfortable, but there’s no sheet ball to grab.  You slip the rubber band back on and keep snapping it.

He knows now, there’s no way out...  No more escaping...  What are you supposed to do now?  Now Papyrus is just going to keep checking up on you for the rest of your life, checking up on you, keeping you under lock and key because there’s no way he’ll believe you from now on if you tell him you’re okay.  The stinging gives you something to feel.  It gives you something to do.

 

_*Is it quite possibly his attractive young lady friend?  
*You know I am joking!  They are not dating, I know._

_*could be_

 

Snap.

 

_*except if it was i dont think hed by trying to hide it_

 

What are you going to do?  It’s funny, because you really don’t have a leg to stand on anymore.  That’s hilarious.  You burst out laughing.  You shove your face into a pillow so you won’t disturb your brother any further.  That’s really, _really_ funny.

Fuck it, what’s it matter anymore?  You will your fingers to stop shaking and spill the beans.

 

 _*he found the calendar i used to keep counting down the days until my suicide_  
_*that is_  
_*meaning_  
_*the day when in my wildest of fantasies, a hypothetical suicide could take place_

_*Sans.  
*I am calling you right now._

_*no please dont_  
_*i dont have_  
_*the emotional energy_

Toriel sends you the number of a suicide hotline.  She asks you to try calling, and reminds you again of the people who care about you.  She’s very serious.  Unlike Papyrus, she refuses to drop the subject.  You can’t believe you just told her.

 

 _*i made it months ago its not ever gonna happen_  
_*honestly_  
_*i dont think i was ever gonna do it_  
_*if i was really serious i wouldve come up with something by now but_

_*It was an escape plan._

_*you got it_

_*An emotional crutch.  A way out, just in case._

_*hope youre not speaking from experience_

_*Hardly.  I cannot lie and say the idea has never occurred to me once or twice._

_*well dont worry im not going anywhere not now that he knows_

_*Can I please call you?  
*I have too much to say, and I am honestly so tired of typing out these horrifically long messages.  I really dislike typing._

_*fine_

 

You’re glad you set your ringtone to something ironic, because the moment _Mmm Watcha Say_ starts playing it gives you a brief respite from what you’re expecting.  You force yourself to pick up.  “Tori...”

“H-hello.”

“Yo?”

You hear shaky breathing on the other line.  You wait for her to say her piece, but...  She’s crying.  You weren’t expecting that.

“Tori—”

“S-Sans.  Tell me— if I’m completely off.  D-do not... even feel compelled to answer.  This plan...  You were more serious about it than you’re letting on.”

“Nah.  It never would’ve happened.  There’s no way I could pull something like that off— it would’ve been too hard.  I just would’ve thought about it for the rest of my life and... procrastinated myself to death.”

“And... you feel like it— it’s gone now.  The last of your hope.”

“I, uh... I already know how I feel.  You don’t need to try and explain it.”

“B-But isn’t this something to be _hopeful_ about?  I for one am so, _so_ glad someone close to you knows.  You should not _ever_ not take yourself seriously!  Do you _know_ just how strong you are?”

“Uh...?”

Toriel sobs.  Is this flattery...?  “You— you do not believe me.  I feel like...  You might have been unsure of what to do.  Tell someone of your plan and protect your life, or avoid that and keep yourself in control?  But now, you no longer have the option.”

“Yeah...”  Does she really need to rub it in your face?

“You must feel like you are weak...”

“Kinda?”  You’ve never been to a therapist, but this is probably what it’s like.

“You are not weak.  You are so, _so_ strong.  Please know that.”

“What are you saying...”

“L-Listen to— listen to me.  Your life is still in your hands.  Whatever you do with it— that is still your choice.  And by making the choice you made— you have not given up.  You have chosen to live.”

“What.”  You’re so confused...  “Heh... you think I’ve made a permanent decision?  Just the other day, I was gonna...”  You were ready to poison yourself despite the fact that you were still a semester away from your final vacation.  “Mental illness doesn’t automatically make anyone some sort of hero.  Too lazy to live, too lazy to die—”

 _“No.”_  Toriel hiccups.  “I am... so sorry...  I will...”  You hear her blow her nose.  “I’m sorry, I do not know why I called, I cannot...”

She’s crying too hard to continue.  You wish you could reach into the phone and give her a pat on the head... something to calm her down...  “You are anything but _lazy._  I would not call anyone who works more than half the day because they care so much, anyone who would refuse to give up until they could be sure that their friend was happy...  Who _cares_ whether your reason for being alive is simply procrastination, or whatever you claim it is...  You are _alive!”_

“Heh...”  Man, what were you thinking?  “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“If you ever get the urge to harm yourself... will you promise to call the number I sent?”

You really hate making promises...  But you tell her you will.  Toriel apologizes again, and she hangs up on you.  You don’t think you’ve ever been that uncomfortable in your life.  She keeps texting you, telling you why your life is worth living, finally you call for Papyrus and he comes running.

“Do me a favor, bro,” you tell him.

“Anything!  What do you need?”

“I need you to run to the store,” you say, “and get me some cereal.”  He looks confused.  “It’s important...  I’ll explain someday.”

He tells you this is the last time he’s going on weird middle-of-the-night errands for you without explanation.  He returns very fast with a box of Life cereal.  You ask for a bowl and a spoon, and for him to take a picture of you eating it.  He complies with several comments about how weird you are.  You send the picture to Toriel with the caption:

_*i choose life_

Toriel gets back to you right away.

 

_*Fuck you, Sans._

_*f*cks a bad word_

_*Yes, and I have a number of bad words I would like to use right now._  
_*Though in all things considering, I am glad you have chosen Life._  
_*It is an excellent source of vitamin B._  
_*I had a thought._

_*thats something_

_*You said your brother graduates this summer?_

_*yep  
*thats definitely a thought_

_*My thought was that, in the summer, the Froggits and the Whimsuns will return to their vacation home, leaving me free to go if I want to.  
*Perhaps then, we could arrange a meeting?_

_*youre kidding_

_*No, I am not as cruel with my jokes as you are._  
_*I do not know where you live, but it might be nice to travel.  I have not left this house for..._  
_*I am almost embarrassed to tell you the last time I have left the grounds._

_*holy shit were really doing this  
*no way either of us is going to flake_

_*That would certainly give you something to look forward to, would it not?_

  
It would.  Suddenly, the future looks bright.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said that Sans was less than ten years old so I guess in this backstory he could be anywhere between the ages of 1 and 9. Imagine sans as an infant reading A Wrinkle In Time. It was like my favorite book as a child... I thought it'd be cute if baby Sans liked it.
> 
> Why did I even write all this backstory? Answer it was for snuggling skeleton babies. I'm a freaking sap with a soft heart. Baby Papyrus is a perfect cinnamon roll and baby sans is a bit of a manipulative and extremely clingy asshole. Still hes like 5 ok forgive him. He's grown up and he's slightly less clingy ok nevermind maybe not.
> 
> This chapter got too freaking long to put every bit of backstory in... That's alright, Alphys can wait for her involvement in this convoluted AU. And the part with Gaster finally fucking dying. RIP you mysterious melty asshole.
> 
> GOOD NEWS SINCE MY LIFE HAS FINALLY CHILLED SO WILL THE FIC! Chapter 15 will be filled with happy fun times because Undyne will make a salad. It's a very, very important salad. These characters can finally fucking chill for like 15 seconds. Then maybe I can chill for 15 seconds. 
> 
> Anyway follow my tumblr, ask me questions about my AU, draw me stuff, continue to support me if not with money then with encouragement. Thank you as usual for continuing to follow Feeling Bonely.


	15. uNDYNE AGGRESSIVELY MAKES A SALAD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne aggressively makes a salad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy to add the tag "Papyrus & Undyne" to the relationships tag! They're honestly my brotp like holy heck what an amazing friendship.

Sunday morning, you wake up to the smell of fried eggs.  You limp into the kitchen to find that Papyrus and Undyne are already gone.  They left you some eggs with a sticky note saying they’ll be gone for an extended cooking lesson.  Papyrus reminds you that food is in the refrigerator.  Undyne stole the pen and wrote _“Oh my god, who doesn’t know that food goes in the refrigerator??”_  It looks like there was some fighting over the pen, but the sticky note eventually runs out of room.

You hope they’re having fun.

Your cold’s gotten better.  All it’s left you with is a runny nose, which is nice of it.  It could have been a lot worse.  You check the time.  It’s not so late.  You grab your crutches and head out to the hotdog stand.  This you can handle on a broken leg.  You’ve got a stool for sitting, one you’d use more often if customers didn’t prefer you standing for some reason.  Something about customers seeing a hotdog vendor sitting down on the job just comes across as lazy, apparently.

It’s the adults who came up with these rules.  The kids are just happy to see you.

“Hotdog man!  You’re back!”

A little girl comes bounding over to you and asks for two head-dogs.  “Sorry kid, I only sell _hot_ -dogs.”

“But I’m carrying too much!”

She picks up snow from the ground.  “Hey, you don’t wanna freeze your little fingers off.  Tell ya what.  Dry off your hands and put on some gloves and you get two _extra special_ head-dogs.”

She wipes her hands on her coat.  She pulls out a pair of star-patterned gloves from her pocket and puts them on.  “What makes them extra special?” she asks.

You make a hotdog and stare at it hard.  “I’m putting extra magic in it with my weird eyes.”

The girl laughs and hands you over some bills.  “Here,” you say, stacking them on her head.  “Have fun.”

Her eyes shine.  “I love you hotdog man,” she whispers.

“Thanks,” you say.  “I uh... think your mom’s waiting.”

You watch her run off, dancing and leaping through slushy snow.  It’s started melting.  Today’s weather isn’t too bad.  It’s kind of warm.

Your phone buzzes.  Your heart leaps, wondering if Toriel has made travel plans.  You check your phone, and instead, there’s a message from Papyrus with a picture attached.

He must have taken the picture, because he’s not in it.  There’s Undyne, grinning behind a group of kids holding up a sign.   _Get well soon, Papyrus’s brother!!_ it says.

 

_*thats sweet  
*tell undyne thanks for telling them what to write_

_*THE CHILDREN MADE THE SIGN.  I TRIED TELLING THEM WHAT YOUR NAME IS, BUT THEY DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT._

_*understandable_

_*I TOLD UNDYNE THANKS_

_*thanks for telling undyne thanks_

_*YOU’RE WELCOME._

 

You forward the picture to Toriel.  As you expect, her heart melts.  

Papyrus is finally on break.  It’s been only a couple days and he already doesn’t know what to do with himself.  He doesn’t know how to relax.  He’s been antsy lately.  An extended playdate with his friend should keep him entertained for a while.  With things going this well after the past weeks of terrible stress, you expect the kid in the striped shirt to show up any minute.  You watch out for them.

They don’t show up.  Not for the whole day.  You consider working an extended day to make up for your loss of a second job, but you’re tired out quicker than usual.  Your leg is killing, and your pain meds are at home.  You’re positively wiped.  Sometimes, it’s a good decision to call it quits.

You don’t bother climbing the stairs.  Until your leg heals, you’ve decided to move down onto the couch.  You wonder why you never did this in the first place.  Why rent a house with a bedroom on the top floor when you could just have the couch...?  You nearly trip over a bunched up shirt and remember—  Oh yeah.  Moving down here meant you’ve moved the mess too.  With your stuff in the living room, Papyrus would have moved out on you years ago.

You’ve maintained relative neatness.  Just a couple socks on top of the television.  Guilt and productivity overtake you and you hobble over and pluck them off.  Then, you curl up on the couch and get ready for a nap.

You’re nearly asleep when the door bursts open.  You throw a blanket over yourself to block out the harsh gust of wind that comes in with Papyrus.  You hear him coughing and sit up.  He stomps over to the couch.  He carries the smell of smoke with him.  The edges of his clothing are singed.

“Holy shit— are you okay?”

“You and—”  Papyrus coughs.  He clears his throat and continues.  “I think you and Undyne should become better friends, seeing as you now have something very much in common!  You both recently suffered terrible accidents...”

“What happened to you?”

“Well, we were having a cooking lesson, and then the pasta caught on fire, and then... the whole kitchen caught fire.  I am fine though, so is Undyne, but her home is... not.”

You snicker, more out of relief than anything.  “This’s gotta be what, the third time _that’s_ happened?”

“It isn’t funny!” Papyrus cries.  “Half of Waterfall had to evacuate this time!  Undyne needs a place to stay, so I told her she could camp out here until they’re able to make the repairs...  Only with your permission, of course.”

“Uhhh....”  Whenever Undyne stays over, she sleeps on the couch.  You’ve gotten quite comfy here.  If half of the Waterfall apartment complex has been burnt down, she’s gonna be here for a while.  Papyrus glares at you and you remember all the free rides to the hospital she gave him, and the private tutoring, and the small fact that she convinced him to go back to school...  “Okay.”

“Good!  I’ll tell her.”

Papyrus goes opens the front door and shouts, “SANS SAID YOU CAN STAY!”

Over the sound of the wind, you hear Undyne’s voice huff, “Dude, I’m right here!  You don’t need to scream!”

She was here this whole time.  Like they knew you’d say yes.  Undyne stomps inside, her face blackened, one eyebrow singed off, looking more pissed off than usual.  “Alright, guess we’re never cooking again!  What do you wanna try next, huh?  Scrapbooking?  Friendship bracelets?”

“We can still cook!  We just need to have a fire extinguisher with us at all times.”

Undyne tosses a duffel bag on the floor next to the couch.  She throws herself down— right on top of you.

“Hi,” you say.  Your voice comes out muffled beneath her hair.

Undyne doesn’t jump up like you thought she would.  She rolls off slowly and glares at you.  “Sorry, I thought you were a weird-looking cushion.”

“Understandable.”

“After a while, you learn to tell the difference,” Papyrus says.  “Um, did you manage to grab everything you needed?  Pajamas?  A toothbrush?”

“I would _never_ forget my toothbrush.  Like I’d let my favorite weapon rot!”

Undyne sharpened most of her teeth to points so that she’d always have a weapon on her.  With a smile like hers, you’re surprised she doesn’t scare children away.  They actually love it.  They think it’s cool.  Kids appreciate a badass woman with shark teeth and the strength to punch through a brick wall.

“So was it really half of Waterfall?” you ask.

“Ugh... just the top three floors.  I mean, _everyone_ had to get out when the smoke alarms went off, but everyone’s fine...  I mean, no one got _hurt._  Except for me.  Don’t worry, I made sure Papyrus got the heck out of there in time!”

“Actually, Undyne was just standing there in shock—”

“You don’t have to tell him everything!”

“I had to slap her to get her moving,” Papyrus says.  He looks ashamed.  “It all happened so fast, I mean, faster than the other times it happened.  I tried putting it out—”

“Bye-bye scarf,” Undyne sighs.

Papyrus lost his scarf.  This is a tremendous loss.  You didn’t know Papyrus had it in him to slap someone.  He promises he barely tapped her, just enough to get her moving.  Undyne agrees that it was the wimpiest tap she got and what woke her up was the shock that after all that training she gave him his slaps were still that wimpy.  You search her face for a mark.  It’s hard to see under the ash, it looks like there’s nothing.  Papyrus apologizes again.

“No, don’t worry about it!  Man, I wish you’d slapped me sooner!”

“You’re a hero, bro,” you say.

That cheers him up.  “Anyway,” Undyne continues, “I would have stayed with Alphys, but...”

“But you love us too much and can’t get enough of us!” Papyrus supplies.

“No!  It’s because the traffic in Hotland _sucks!_  Besides, Alphys is gonna have her hands full now.  Napstablook’s on their way...  This is the third time I’ve sent them out of their home.  Getting them out was hell, we had to go back in there and grab their laptop, their ipod, their DJ equipment... basically grab the whole studio.   _That’s_ why we look like this.”

“They wouldn’t leave until everything was safe,” Papyrus adds.  He looks exhausted.

“So now they’re going to stay at Alphys’s place with their cousin... and there’s no way it’s gonna be easy to babysit both of them if there’s in the same place.  Ah man, when he was living next door, they were a _nightmare_ together!  They stayed up all night having these weird performances...  Used to drive me insane.”

Undyne sighs deeply.  “I try _really_ hard to be a good neighbor.  I just wanna be friendly, you know?  Napstablook’s been so quiet, I try bringing cakes and—”

“Inviting them to wrestle—”

“THE LEAST I COULD DO IS NOT TRASH THE WHOLE FLOOR.  Anyway, Temmie and Aaron are down in the basement with the weird weeaboo kid.  I, uh...  Still not sure if Temmie’s a resident or a pet, but she’s safe...”

“Why didn’t _you_ decide to stay with the weird weeaboo kid in the basement?”

“Because I don’t want to room with Aaron!  He keeps trying to compare biceps and show me his are bigger—  He’s just a huge creep.”

“With the winky faces,” you add.

“But— it’s also because I’d much rather stay with _my absolute bestest_ brother friends!”

“I knew it!” Papyrus says.  “I’d rather stay at your place than Onionsan’s too, in a hypothetical scenario where my house caught fire.”

“Aww...”  Undyne turns to you.  “So, how’re you doing?  How’s the leg?”

“Broken.”

“Sucks to be you.”  She frowns and stands up suddenly.  “You don’t still have a cold do you?”

You cover your mouth and cough dramatically.  “Oh no, I’m secreting.  Looks like you’re gonna have to stay in Hotland after all.”

“Nice try, bud!  Now, I know how generous it was to give me a place to stay, so...”  Undyne smiles.  “Of course, I didn’t forget my manners!  For being such a generous host, I made sure to get you a gift!  It’s in the form of services.”

“Nice.”

“Since you guys have such terrible eating habits, I’ll make dinner for you as long as I’m here.  How’s that sound?”

“Sounds like it’s not happening.”  You grin at her.  Who’s shit-eating grin is scarier?  This might be a competition you have a chance at winning.  Her own grin falters.  “I’ve been through a lot lately, there’s no way I’m letting you burn the place down when I’m on my way to being fibula-deep in debt.”

“The fibula’s like, right down _there!”_  Undyne points to your cast.

“He’s saying he’s going to be in debt because of his fibula.”

“What Papyrus said.”

“Okay, fine, I get it!  I’ll be really, _really_ careful this time.  I’ll put the heat on simmer—”

“Nope.  Papyrus, hand me some sticky notes and a green crayon.”

“Coming right up, brother!”

Papyrus runs off to get your supplies, leaving Undyne looking very confused.  He brings you exactly what you asked for and you crudely draw Undyne’s face rudely frowning on each sticky note.  You put a slash through the faces and hand them back to Papyrus.  “Put these on all hot cooking appliances,” you say.  “Stove, oven, microwave, toaster, we’re Undyne-proofing the whole kitchen.”

“LIKE YOU CAN CALL THAT PATHETIC LITTLE CREVICE A KITCHEN,” Undyne yells.

“Wowie, the likeness is incredible!”

“Yeah, you actually did a good job,” Undyne remarks.  “But— Papyrus, are you seriously gonna put those up?”

“Please, bro.  I’d do it myself, but...”  You make a show of stretching your leg.  Papyrus looks at Undyne apologetically and goes to put up the sticky notes.  Undyne grimaces.

“You’re an asshole,” she says.  “But you’re still the host, so I’ll get you a different gift.  So.”  Her voice goes sweet.  She clasps her hands together politely.  “What would you like instead?  Fancy wine?  A new wall decoration?”

“Oh!  We could use a new wall decoration!” Papyrus shouts from the kitchen.  “For the space above the couch, since it looks so bare.  How about a painting?”

“Sorry, Papyrus, your brother pays the bills.  It’s his decision.”

“How ‘bout,” you say, “you choose the fanciest most expensive gift you can find... and then give me the money instead.”

“No way.  That’s not how it works, dammit!  I’m getting you a proper gift whether you _like it or not.”_

“I’ll think of something,” you say.  

Papyrus joins you and announces that he Undyne-proofed all electrical appliances in the kitchen.  Only on your instruction.  He doesn’t necessarily agree with you, but Undyne agrees that since it’s your house, you make the rules.  Papyrus chimes in that while you pay the bills, he takes care of maintaining the place, keeping it clean, and if it weren’t for him the place would be drowning in garbage and dirty dishes.  So he deserves a gift too.

“Jeez, you guys are harsh...”

Undyne rants about how you’re all going to have so much freaking fun that you’re never gonna want her to leave.  Papyrus is excited.  You’re a little concerned.  If any damage comes to your house, you make Undyne promise to pay for it.  Anything for her lovely hosts, Undyne says.  

“And since we’re on break now,” she adds, “we can do anything!  Sit inside all day till our brains rot!  No more studying!  YEAH!!”

“I for one think it’s wonderful that your apartment caught fire!”

“I don’t!  But we’re still gonna make the most of it!  You and me and what’s-his-name over here, since none of us have to do anything right now!”

“Nah, I reopened the hotdog stand today,” you say.  “You’re gonna have to have fun most of the day without me.”

“Already?” Papyrus asks.  “Are you... sure you can manage it?”

“Just a couple weeks ago you kept calling me lazy.”

“That was before...”  Papyrus falls silent.

“Before you knew about the depression thing.”

Papyrus looks at Undyne.  Her expression barely changes.  “Yeah,” she says, “depression’s a bitch.  Glad you’re up and moving again.  I heard your break was pretty rough.”

You yawn.  “I was gonna take a nap, but...”

“You want a ride?”  Before you can say yes or no, you’re on Papyrus’s back and he’s jogging up the steps.

“Thanks—”

He sets you down.  “Are you... angry at me?”

“What?  No—”

“I still can’t believe how insensitive I acted—”

“Listen,” you interrupt.  “One reason I didn’t want you to know was because...  I guess the nagging sort of helped?  I needed the motivation.”

He’s glad, he says, but he still looks unsure.  Undyne calls him from downstairs, so he runs down to join her.  You’re not as tired now, so you take out your phone.  You tell Toriel about Undyne.

 

 _*kinda glad shes here actually_  
*shes helping distract papyrus  
*then maybe we can talk about something else besides for my issues for like 5 minutes?

_*Why do you not simply ask for space?  
*I’m sure you appreciate his concern, but it shouldn’t be too much to ask him to leave you alone._

_*eh were still in the adjustment period  
*anyway she just burned her place down from a cooking accident, can you believe she wants to make us dinner?_

_*That is very sweet of her!  
*This young lady, she is the same person as the one in the photos you have sent me, right?_

_*yep_

_*I can almost swear I have seen her before..._  
*I do not remember where, or if my memory is simply playing tricks on me.  
*Anyway, do tell her hello on my behalf!  
*And please be hospitable.  It must be difficult to lose her home.

_*ok but youd think it gets easier_

_*Does it get easier each time you break a bone?_

_*touche, tori_

_*I find it ironic, I must say.  You are the first man I have ever met who is determined to keep a woman out of the kitchen._

_*...  
*damn tori you think im that kinda guy?_

_*No, I see, you are progressive.  I am proud of you._

 

Next time you come downstairs, you find that Papyrus and Undyne changed clothes.  Papyrus is still mourning the loss of his scarf.  First your pet rock, then his scarf.  He doesn’t know how much loss he can handle.  “I think I may have to borrow a shirt,” Undyne says.  “I only brought two extras...”

“That’s alright, I’m doing laundry soon!  And guess what!  Sans is actually going to put his laundry away from now on!”

“What?  What the freaking hell, seriously?!”

“I’m right here, you guys,” you say.

“Weird,” says Undyne, “the pillow is talking.”

☠ ☠ ☠

You have cold cereal for breakfast the next morning.  Undyne angrily smashes it down in front of you, pouring milk into it.  “You just ruined it—”

“Sorry, no eggs today!  That involves _heat.”_

Thanks to Undyne, you eat mushy cereal.  You miss the crispy eggs and pancakes.  Undyne’s pissed off at you, but at least she’s not treating you like a delicate piece of china.  That’s kind of nice.  While she’s around, Papyrus is reluctant to bring up heavy topics.  It’s nice of him, and kind of a relief.  That night, Undyne wonders very loudly what she’s going to eat.  She’d give in and get takeout, but that’d be too unhealthy and too easy.  Even though grease is the tongue’s best friend, it’s the stomach’s worst enemy.  Papyrus agrees, except that he thinks grease is the tongue’s worst enemy, too.

“We could just give in and go to Grillby’s, just purge for one night...” Undyne suggests.  Grillby’s.  You haven’t been there in a while.  “Hey, we could say hi to your brother!  He works there!”

“Actually, I stopped working there.”

“Oh yeah.  Forgot about that.”

“Forgot?”

“Yeah, Papyrus told me.”

“No I didn’t!” Papyrus cuts in.

“It’s all good.  I got half-fired, and I half-quit.”

“Thank god!  Working there must suck!”

“I do not remember telling Undyne anything about you,” Papyrus says.  “Never did I—”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Undyne interrupts.

Papyrus shuts up.  You really have no idea what just happened.

They promised they were going to have bucketloads of fun, but by the next day, they already seem lost.  You come home to find Undyne draped over the couch, lying across Papyrus’s legs.  He’s braiding her hair.  “I’m so bored...” she moans.

“How about another round of truth-or-dare?”

“It’s no fun when we can’t play with fire.”

“Hi guys,” you greet, hobbling inside.  “What’s up.”

“There’s nothing to eat in this house!  You guys have _nothing!_  I’m starving.  I don’t even know what you guys eat all the time.  You can’t live off spaghetti.”

“I do,” Papyrus says.

“It’s not healthy...”  Undyne groans.  “Is this how you treat your guests?” she shoots at you.  “You let them starve?!”

“You can eat whatever you want, ‘long as you don’t have to heat it up.”

“But it’s winter!  It’s the best time to eat hot food!  Don’t you wanna come home to a nice, steaming bowl of warm, delicious onion soup?  Don’t you?  Flavored with salt and pepper with heavy cream and butter and a dash of beef soup mix...  Doesn’t that sound _really good_ about right now?”

“There are plenty of foods that can be enjoyed cold,” Papyrus says.  “You know what I think?  I think you simply cannot do it.”

“Can’t do _what?”_

“You can’t make good food that’s cold!  You do make a delicious soup, but everyone has their limits.  Even you!  There are plenty of people who can make _great_ food without cooking it, but I suppose not everyone can do it.  That’s alright, I understand!”

“Yep,” you add, finally catching on.  You wink at her.  “You’re just not up to the challenge.”

Undyne jumps up.   _“Challenge?!”_

She towers over you.  “You heard right!” Papyrus adds.  “I mean, I thought someone with as much determination as you would _never_ give up, but—”

“But _what._  You think there’s anything I can’t cook?  Like heck, I can make everything good!  I’m gonna make the most _scrumptious_ salad...”  She crouches down until she’s eye-level with you.  “And you’re gonna _love it.”_

“Heh.  No one can make a salad taste good.”

“Ngahhh!  I’ll show you!”

Undyne clenches her fist.  She marches to the door.  “Salads aren’t just healthy!  They can be delicious!  And hell knows you could both stand to eat healthier!  I’m going to the store, punks!”

“Wait!” Papyrus calls.  “Your hair is only half done, just let me—”

The door slams.  Papyrus leans back and sighs.  “Well...”

“Good job.”  You throw yourself down on the couch next to him.  “Aw man, that was good.”

Papyrus brightens.  “You just have to know how to get at people!  Undyne can’t resist a challenge.”

“I was a little scared there...”

“Oh, don’t worry, Undyne might seem scary, but she would never hurt anyone innocent!  I used to be a little afraid of her myself, until I found out that she’s a huge dork who likes anime.”

“Did she always like anime?” you ask.

“No, why do you ask?  Her girlfriend got her into it.”

“Thought so...”  Seems like Alphys hasn’t changed.  You’ve barely heard a word about her so far, except that she has her hands full with the Blook cousins.  Maybe they’ll invite her to sing with them, and she can chill out for a little bit.  That woman could use a bit of downtime.

☠ ☠ ☠

Undyne drags Papyrus into the kitchen by his ear and yells at you to follow.  You hobble in, and Undyne pulls up a chair for you.  “Time to educate you.”  She spills out the contents of her grocery bags and picks up a round, red vegetable.  “Papyrus’s brother, this is a tomato!  It’s like ketchup but without all the effort.”

“That actually sounds pretty good—”

“And without all the sugar.”

Your face falls.  Undyne picks up a bag of baby spinach.  “Papyrus, pay attention!  This green stuff here is packed with fiber!  Since you eat nothing but carbs all the time, you _need_ more leaves in your diet.  It’ll help with your constipation.”

Papyrus turns red.  “Whoa,” you say, “first you’re gay and now you’re constipated?  How come you tell _her_ everything before telling me?”

“It wasn’t important...!”

“You’ve gotta work on your communication skills.”  Undyne puts down the spinach and introduces you to the other vegetables.  “These are carrots!  They’re good for your eyes and they give your mouth a workout!  Here is a cucumber, which _I swear to god, Papyrus’s brother, if you make a stupid dick joke—”_

“Stop, you’re making Papyrus blush.”

“I’m still blushing because of... what was mentioned earlier!”

“That’s alright, salad will cure it.  Now pay attention!  These are called red onions, even though they’re purple!  In salad, lots of purple things are called red!  Like red cabbage!  You know what, we’re all hungry, I’ll tell you about every vegetable’s nutritional value when we’re finished eating.”  She puts down the vegetables on your limited counter space.  “Now where do you keep the knives?”

“It sounds kind of scary when you say it like that,” Papyrus says.  “I think... they’re in that drawer?”

“You _think?_  Wow, you’ve got nothing but plastic in here!  I’m disappointed.  Good thing I brought my own knife.”

She leaves the kitchen and comes back with her duffel bag.  She digs through it until she finds a katana.  “It’ll have to do!  Stand back, boys!”

Papyrus stands back.  You lean back as far as you can in your chair.  Undyne throws the vegetables up in the air and slices them with the katana.  “NGAHHH!”  You can’t believe this woman’s for real.  She catches the vegetables in a bowl.  Papyrus applauds.

“Can I try?” he asks.

“You can help make the dressing!  Um, the salad might take a few minutes to prepare, so you can go do whatever you want in the meantime,” Undyne tells you.

Getting up is too much effort, so you watch them.  It’s very entertaining.  You didn’t know salad-making could be so aggressive.  It looks like fun.  It’s also very loud.  Undyne sprinkles the dressing on top and sets it down in front of you.  That’s a lot of vegetables with no meat.  You wonder if it has any substance.  Papyrus reaches for the bowl.  Undyne hits his hand with a spoon.

“Your brother gets the first serving!”

Nervously, you reach out.  The salad is actually very beautiful and colorful.  It’s a real work of art.  It’d be a shame to ruin it.  Before you can touch the bowl Undyne slams the spoon down.  You whip your hand away just in time.  “YOU’RE MY ESTEEMED HOST!   _I_ serve _you,_ fool!”

She serves everyone salad.  Papyrus impatiently asks if he’s allowed to eat yet.  “Of course,” says Undyne happily.  “Itadakimasu~”

You snort.  “You didn’t just say that.”

“It’s what they say in the animes!  It means—”

“It means lettuce eat,” you say.

“No, it means you’re a huge dork,” says Papyrus.  He takes a bite.  “It’s good!  It’s because of my dressing.”

There’s lots of green stuff on your fork.  You think it’s lettuce because you’ve seen it on hamburgers before.  It takes ok, but it’s flimsy...  Tomatoes are a huge disappointment.  They don’t taste like ketchup at all.

“How do you like your salad?” Undyne asks politely.

“Uh...”

“Good, ‘cause that’s all you’re getting to eat!  Still, since I’m making dinner for you now, I don’t have to get a gift.  If you’d just let me boil some noodles—”

“Mmmm, this salad is the _best fucking thing_ I’ve ever eaten.  You’ve outdone yourself this time.”

“Yes,” Papyrus agrees, “you proved me wrong!  You can make very good _cold_ food.  I never want to eat anything but salad ever again!”

Undyne frowns and munches on a lemon slice.  You eat a crouton.  It’s a little like crispy pizza but very full of flavor.  “It’s good you both like salad,” she says, “because your eating habits are terrible.  Yeah, you too, Papyrus.  You need to be more healthy or else neither of you will live past fifty.  I’m putting you both on a diet.  Papyrus, you need more greens and less pasta.  Now _you...”_

“Oh man...”

“Only _hot food,”_ says Undyne.  “The hotter the food, the faster the metabolism!  Start eating nothing but hot food, and you’ll get super buff and grow six inches a night.”

“Lies.”  You chuckle.  “Six inches a night, huh?”

“Six inches _taller_ you perverted sicko—”

“Okay, you set yourself up for that one.”

“I guess I did...”  Undyne sighs.  “Okay, I give up on the oven.  Your house, your rules...  If I can’t hold back from being too passionate... I can tolerate a restraining order.”

She takes another angry bite of lemon.  She lectures a bit on the importance of health and the nutritional value of many vegetables.  She slows down by the time you’re finished eating, and she politely offers to wash the dishes.  She seems like she’s chilled.  “Sorry about that,” she mumbles.

“Huh?”

“Eh, I’ll let you just enjoy your dinner next time...”  She pauses.  “You’re probably not in the mood for more lectures right now.”

You’re not sure what she means by _more_ lectures, but you get off your butt and practice going up the stairs on your own.  It’s probably the salad that gives you the strength to do it.  All your laundry’s been dumped back in your room.  Papyrus provided a cardboard box to put your dirty laundry in that he decorated himself.  It says, “DIRTY LAUNDRY GOES IN HERE” in colorful marker.  He drew a sock underneath with wavy lines coming up from it, probably as an artistic rendering to represent smelliness.

There’s a lot of space now.  You don’t own a whole lot of things anymore, so it’s mostly empty.  You fish out your phone and start looking for jobs.  Looks like everything you can do from home requires you to get a laptop.  You’re too scared to look at your savings and check how much you can afford to spend, so you take a nap instead.

☠ ☠ ☠

It’s black in your dream, except for the parts that are glowing blue.  You wander around the glowing marsh, following the striped kid.  They’re singing— a shy waterfall monster sings with them.  You watch the commotion from afar.  What’s stopping you from killing them now?

They dance through Waterfall slaughtering everything in their path.  You stop following when Undyne appears.  Her fight is different.  She doesn’t spare them like Papyrus did.  As her reward, she doesn’t even turn to dust.

She won’t.  She keeps it up until she melts.

Monsters aren’t supposed to melt.  Only someone like that kid could make that happen.  The anomaly, your old friend...

Even as Undyne goes brutally down, after Papyrus... it’s hard to bring yourself to care anymore.

☠ ☠ ☠

You wake up, and when you notice that the sheets are smooth, you know that your skin’s back on your body.  This isn’t the life where everyone dies sometimes...

You reach for your crutches and limp out of your room to get to the bathroom.  Downstairs, you hear Undyne’s voice from the couch.

“So tell them to shut up!  For heck’s sake, just kick that egomaniac out of your house already.”

Welp, now you feel kinda bad you just watched her die...  If you told her, would she hold it against you?  You wonder about Alphys.  She’s always absent in the worst of your dreams.  At least the kid never gets to her.  But you’ve gotta stop taking yourself seriously like this.  These dreams are just dreams.  Not visions to other timelines or alternate universes— that’s what your kid self was into.

Tonight you saw Undyne die because...

Welp.  You’ve been seeing more of her lately.  And that time Toriel’s voice disappeared from the other side of the door, that was obviously because you had cut communication with her.  It’s best if you just don’t think about it.  

☠ ☠ ☠

You, Papyrus, and Undyne have one thing in common at the breakfast table— you’re all texting.  You ask Toriel about cooking, she says she’s more of a baking type of person.  Papyrus sends a message, looks up, and Undyne’s phone beeps.

“I’m right freaking here, you know,” she says.

“Well, yes, but...”  Papyrus looks at you, looks at Undyne, and looks at his phone.

“It’s okay.  You can chill.  Nothing’s happening right now.”

“What’s up?” you ask.  “Pap?  Something wrong?”

“No, everything is the very opposite of wrong.”

“It actually is,” Undyne adds.  “Your brother’s just a worried worrywart who’s getting himself worked up over nothing.”

“Okay.”

There’s an uncomfortable quiet tension that’s broken when Undyne suggests that tonight sounds like a great night to watch a movie.  “Horror movie marathon!  How’s that sound?”

“That sounds very scary,” Papyrus says.

“Let’s all pick out our worst movies!  It’s a great night to get the pants scared off of us.”

“Papyrus prefers if I keep my pants on when he has friends over,” you say.

“Tonight’s an exception!  Whoever shits their pants the hardest wins.”

Papyrus doesn’t like that idea.  While you’re at work, you pick out a terrible horror movie in your head.  Papyrus and Undyne are waiting for you on the couch when you get home.  Undyne says that as the host, you get the first pick.  Papyrus makes popcorn in the microwave.

“Normally, I’d melt butter to put on the popcorn, but olive oil is healthier!  And in my opinion, it tastes even better!”  Undyne drizzles olive oil over the popcorn.  You’re glad she’s adjusting.

“Wait, before we begin, I was just about to put a load of laundry in,” Papyrus says.  “Undyne, do your undergarments require any special maintenance?”

“Nah, just toss everything in together,” Undyne says.  “Oh, except for the fancy ones!  Just give them to me, I’ll put them back...”

Papyrus tosses over a bra that lands on your head.  Undyne snatches it off before you can make a joke about it.  “Boobie trap,” she says.  “There, I said it, now you don’t have to.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of, ‘I’m having the _breast_ time right now.’”

“What _is this,_ an anime?”

“Just tryin’ to make you feel more at home.”  You can see the angel-Toriel shaking her head in disapproval.  You’re disappointed in yourself.  “So, Undies,” you say, “what movie have you—  Wait, did I just—”

“Did you just call me _Undies?”_

Papyrus reenters the living room.  “Papyrus, your brother just called me _Undies.”_

“I guess you could call it a Freudian _slip.”_

“Go to your room,” says Papyrus.

“Okay but did anyone get that.”

“Slip!  Ha ha ha!” Undyne snarls.  “If this were the animes I’d whack you upside the head, but you’ve got depression and your leg is broken so instead I’m just gonna _rub that in your face.”_

“I deserve it.”

“Moving on...” Undyne mutters.  “So, Papyrus’s brother, what movie have you got picked out?”

“His name’s pretty easy to remember, it’s just one syllable,” Papyrus says.  “It’s just like the font—”

“Helvetica,” you say with a wink.

“What,” says Undyne.

“It’s time you learned my name.  It’s helvetica, like the font.”

“Hell-of-a-whatica?”

“Sans!  His name is _Sans!”_

“Yeah, I already know that,” Undyne says.  “As I was saying, Papyrus’s brother, what’ve you got?”

You’ve picked out The Last Airbender, since the acting, writing, lighting, directing, and everything is so horrifically bad it might as well be a horror movie.  “They even cast a group of beloved diverse heroes as generic white kids,” you add.  It’s terrifying.  No one feels like sitting through the movie.

“How about the Annoying Orange halloween special instead.”

“How about we skip to _my_ movie,” Undyne suggests.  She’s rented _Bloody Bloodlust IV_ which is a thriller known famously for giving grown men heart attacks.  “First person to cover their face is _weak.”_

Papyrus screams three seconds into the opening credits.  “Relax,” you tell him, “the film’s just introducing the innocent white family who gets murdered.”

“Yeah, just wait till the love interest shows up,” says Undyne.   _“Then_ you can start freaking out.”

It’s really the use of string instruments and lighting that makes this movie spooky.  Papyrus remarks that the movie can’t be that scary, since it has a friendly dog in it.  You and Undyne catch each others’ eye and know this isn’t going to end well.  

The dog gets skewered.  

“I FREAKING KNEW IT!” Undyne yells.  You take out your phone and get a picture of Undyne at the edge of her seat grinning madly while Papyrus hides behind a pillow.

The predictable tension-and-release cycle makes it hard to be spooked.  The white girl crawls through the mysterious open door, a shadow creeps up behind her, the killer approaches—

The music shuts and a loud fart cuts through the air.  “Whooo, Papyrus!”  You fan the air.  “What a perfectly inconvenient time to let one loose!”

“That came from _your_ direction!”

“Who gave him the remote?!” Undyne yells.  “Turn the sound back on!  Oh.  Oh man.  She’s getting shanked.”

You turn on the sound in time to hear the girl scream.  You tighten your grip on the fart noise keychain in your pocket and time the next fart right before her boyfriend gets attacked.

“SANS, STOP PLAGUING THE MOVIE WITH INCIDENTAL FARTS!”

The killer stabs the boy.  You hit mute and squeeze the keychain.  With each stab, another fart sounds.  “Goddamnit!” Undyne yells.  “Gimme that!”

She knocks you over and wrestles the remote and the keychain out of your hands.  “Come on,” you laugh, “I just made the movie twenty times better!”

“You’ve got a _sick and childish sense of humor!”_

She throws the keychain across the room.  “You know,” Papyrus remarks, “without the music, it just looks very fake and not all that scary.”

The killer escapes.  Luckily you have a spare keychain.  You time the next fart perfectly.  Undyne screams and Papyrus holds your arms behind your back for the rest of the movie.  There’s not much left of it.  It ends in a few minutes and when the credits roll, Undyne shuts off the television and leans back.

“Well, that kinda sucked...” she says.  “Papyrus, you can let him go now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.  Just search him before we put on your movie.  Or tie him up or something...”

“Hey,” you laugh, “Pap, remember when we used to do that?”

“Do what?”

“When we were kids, playing Royal Guard, and I’d let you capture me and—”

“WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT.”

“Jeez, Papyrus,” Undyne says, “don’t you know that siblings aren’t toys?  If you wanna capture someone you tie up a doll!  That’s what dolls are there for!  They exist to be abused!”

“I trapped him in blankets, that can hardly be called abuse!  Besides, Sans always fell asleep—”

“Really?  No horror stories where you left him like, locked him a closet and came back to find he peed his pants and suffered a claustrophobic fit—”

“Never!  Our games were innocent, I tell you!”

“Papyrus’s brother, get back to me if you’ve got any more embarrassing stories about him.  OH!  I almost forgot!”  Undyne smiles sweetly and takes out her phone.  “Quickly, someone hold the popcorn and make it look like we just started!”

Suddenly you’re shoved up against Papyrus as she pulls you both in for a selfie.  “Say cheese!”

She snaps a picture and captions it _Movie night with the bros~_  “Okay!  What’ve you got, Papyrus?”

“The absolute most horrific of horrors!  It’ll make your Bloody Bloodlust movie look like a child-appropriate non-heart-attack-inducing snorefest!  Behold!”  He whips out a colorful DVD box with the words “The Care Bears Movie” on the cover.

Undyne snorts.  “I said _horror movie night,_ not weird nostalgic kids’ movie night!”

“Papyrus put that away,” you say.

“Just you wait, Undyne, you are going to eat your words!  If this doesn’t scare the pants off you, I don’t know what will!”

No one has to hold you down.  The movie is terrifying enough on its own, the loudest of artificial farts can’t make it funny.  Undyne doesn’t make a sound.  She just stares in blank horror at the screen while Papyrus squeezes her arm.  “This is fucked up,” she whispers.  “The nineties were fucked up...”

“Eighties.”

“Shut up!”

The movie ends making you feel like you just had the soul sucked out of you.  Undyne goes to retrieve the disk and says, “Congratulations, Papyrus, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep ever again without having really messed up dreams!”

“I plan on sleeping with the lights on,” he says.  “Wowie, this was a long night...  One long, exhausting night...”

“You’re not gonna go to sleep _now,_ are you?  We’ve got the week off!  It’s time for staying up all night and sleeping in!”

“Papyrus gets kind of cranky if he misses his bedtime,” you say.

Undyne’s phone beeps.  She looks down at it, narrows her eyes, then looks up at you.  “I knew it...” she mutters.

“What.”

“It _is_ pretty late,” she says.  “Um, I think I’m gonna go to bed now!  Why don’t you go on upstairs?”

“Wish me sweet dreams,” says Papyrus.  “I will need those wishes more than ever tonight...”

“Nighty night Papyrus.  Don’t let the book steal your soul!”

Papyrus shudders.  He asks if you need help up the stairs.  “Nah, I’ve got it by now.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ll spot him,” Undyne says.  “Get some sleep or you’ll be even more terrified tomorrow!”

Papyrus says goodnight, and on his way upstairs, Undyne sneaks over to the lightswitch and turns the light off.  Papyrus shrieks.  Undyne cackles.  “GOTCHA, SUCKER!”

“P-Please don’t do that again!”

“You better get outa here before I do!”

Papyrus slams the door.  Perfect.  You’re exactly where you need to be— alone with Undyne.  She sits down on the couch next to you.  “Stay here,” she says, “I need to talk to you.”

“Good, so do I.”

“This is serious.”  So you were right.  She looks down and sighs.  “Who’s gonna tell Papyrus he sucks at cooking...?”

Okay, not what you were expecting.  “Hell if I’m gonna be the one to crush him like that.”

“So you’re leaving it up to me to break it to him...  Jerk...”  She lifts her head, staring in the general direction of the empty television screen.  “Y’know, I wasn’t even that into cooking until I met your brother.  He... he seemed like he needed something to do, and it looked like cooking was something he really enjoyed.  I didn’t even give him lessons so he’d get better, I just wanted him to have fun.  He’s nice to hang around.  But I feel bad for him sometimes.”

 _“You_ feel bad for him?”

“Yeah.  It’s... look, I’m sure you know this about him already, but even though he seems like a huge teddy bear, he’s actually pretty freaking tough!  This... this one time, our first training session, I told him to hit at me.  He just threw all these wimpy attacks, and I thought he was weak.  I told him to give me everything he had, but he refused.  So... I went ahead and put on full-body protection gear and told him to try again.  When he hit me that time, I really wasn’t expecting it.  He actually knocked the wind out of me.  I couldn’t breathe for two minutes!  But I got the feeling that he was _still_ holding back.”

“Yeah,” you say.  “He’s always been like that.”  When your best friend’s breakable, you learn to be careful at an early age.

“What I’m trying to say is, I wanna protect him, too.  But not everyone in the world is like us.  One of these days, he’s gonna have to face reality and learn to defend himself against people who just... don’t get people like him.”

“You don’t also happen to have recurring nightmares where he gets decapitated by a creepy kid in a striped shirt, do you?”

“What?  No.  You should probably see someone about that, or eat less before bed.”

“Which brings me to _my_ point,” you say.  “Is it you Papyrus has been texting obsessively lately?”

“Yeah.  I didn’t even know it was a secret.”

“Oh god... he coulda just _said_ he was texting you and I wouldn’t have suspected anything...”

“Pfff, I know.”

“And this may seem completely self-centered, but is it about me?”

“Well, yeah...  Ever since you had your accident, he hasn’t stopped worrying about your for a second.  It’s sweet, but it’s also kind of annoying.  Not that he tells me everything that’s going on, but that he talks to _me_ about all these things instead of _you.”_

“Everything...?”

 _“Every embarrassing detail!_  Don’t worry though, I’m not here to rub it in your face, I’m not your freaking babysitter.  Look, he didn’t know what to do....”  Undyne pauses for a long time.  “I’ve been telling him for years, y’know, your brother’s probably depressed.  He didn’t believe me.  He thought, since you never stop smiling that creepy smile...  I had to educate him on what depression actually _is.”_

“Wow...”  You feel your mouth twitching.  “And I thought he figured it all out himself...”

“He had help.  Papyrus isn’t exactly the most perceptive of people, but he’s been doing his best.  That’s why you’ve gotta help him.  Meet him halfway, I can’t keep interpreting all the weird stuff you do—”

“Like the calendar?”  Shit, it’s all coming together.  Papyrus has probably been giving Undyne a blow-by-blow account of everything that’s happened in the last couple weeks.

“Yeah, the freaky death calendar.”

“Did you tell him to hide the pills?”

Undyne finally meets your eye.  “Yeah, I’m sorry about that, okay?  Papyrus was desperate to do _something!”_

“Nah, it’s good you did that.  It made him feel better.”  You hope she can’t see you sweating.  You should really be thanking her, this woman saved your life.  If it weren’t for her, Papyrus would have found you dead.  Or even worse, you would have wound up back in the hospital for a stomach pump.

“You’ve gotta forgive him for being kind of an idiot...  He can’t figure this stuff out on his own.  He copes by pretending everything is okay.  He puts up his little bubble in Happyland where everyone’s doing great.  But he’s trying to work on that.  Ever since you guys had that talk, he knows... things aren’t great.”

You’re not sure what to say.  You keep staring at the empty television.  You can only assume “that talk” means the night you spilled your guts and cried to him.  Undyne probably knows all about that, too.  “You think I don’t know any of this?”

“Not saying I know your brother better than you do, but you guys are _really_ different.  He doesn’t like to relax.  That’s why he has all those weird hobbies.  And... that’s why I’ve been giving him cooking lessons.  And... if he ever nags you, it’s because he just doesn’t get it.  He’s happiest when he’s entertained, he doesn’t get that you don’t have that kind of energy.  It’s all coming from a good place.”

“You don’t need to explain that much... I already appreciate what he does.”

“Good!  Cherish your brother!  He’s a great person!”

You smile.  Undyne gets it.  “So is that it?  You wanted to let me know that Pap’s heart is in the right place?”

“No, that’s not it at all!  I didn’t even start, I got all distracted...  There’s a reason, you know...”  She falls silent again.  “I didn’t... even mean to blab that long about Papyrus at all.  I wanted to ask you about Alphys.”

“Who the hell is Alphys.”

“Don’t give me that!  Every time I mention her, you always mysteriously appear in the room, even when you’re not supposed to be home!  Alphys knows you—”

“Who doesn’t know me?”

“You were like, mad scientist buddies or something.  She used to talk about you sometimes, never by name, though.  It took me a while to put two and two together, but...”

“What clued you in?”

“This.”  Undyne takes out her phone.  She opens up a conversation and you see her “Movie night with the bros” picture and underneath....

 

_*oh my god is that sans???_

 

“Tell her I say hi.”

“She’ll be glad to know you’re still alive!  Or hell, she might even be pissed.  After you flaked on her and left her with a huge mess to clean up, she said the only way she’d forgive you was if she found out you’d died.”

“Damn...”

“But...  I can’t really blame you.”  Undyne puts away her phone and looks at you.  “Your boss...  He was like, your dad or something?”

“Not really...”

“Papyrus said you didn’t get along.  At all.”

“Papyrus was abused and he doesn’t even know it.”

“He needs to learn that not everyone’s a good person or else he’s gonna get hurt, I know.  It’s the happy bubble he’s put himself in, but...  He mentioned that one time you two fought.  He feels bad that he didn’t listen to you.  You need to have that talk again.”

“Thanks, Undyne...”

“Argh, you two are such cowards!  You need to learn to face your problems head-on or else they’ll just keep building up.  No.  Shit, I’m getting distracted again... Alphys...”

“How’s she doing?” you ask.

“Horribly.”  Undyne sighs.  “The reason... I’m able to recognize what depression looks like is because of Alphys.  Whatever happened with that experiment, it’s screwed her up.”

“That wasn’t my fault...  She’s been depressed since I met her.”

“Figures.  I’m not... blaming you.  Anyone would be traumatized watching someone die like that...  What happened, anyway?”

“He uh, melted.”

“Eesh.  How’d _that_ happen?”

“Long story.  So there was this rabbit that got in—”

“Nevermind, I don’t care!  Alphys said... she couldn’t look away, but she heard you giggling.”

“Heheheh...”  Giggle’s a funny word.

“Yeah, like that!  I’d be freaked out too.  Jesus _heck,_ dude that is chilling.  Now I’m gonna hear those weird bears laughing your laugh in my dreams tonight.”

“You can tell Alphys,” you say, “that I needed to get the hell out of there.  I’d been trying to escape that man for about fifteen years.”

“You should really be the one to tell her.  I’m kind of sick and tired of being the messenger lady.”

“He gave up on trying to appeal to me and started holding Papyrus’s life hostage because...”  You find yourself laughing again.  “I was too goddamn stubborn...”

“If he were still alive, I’d kill him.”

“The only thing I regret about his death is that it was an accident.”

“Good thing it wasn’t or you’d be behind bars.”  She waits until you stop laughing.  She presses her eyebrows together and rubs her eye.  “Sorry I’m dredging up all these bad memories...  All I wanted to do was ask about Alphys.  There’s something she’s keeping hidden.  I just... I _hate_ it when people keep secrets.  I shouldn’t even be asking you this, but I’m worried that if she keeps hiding, she’s gonna... disappear.”

“What sort of secret?” you ask.  “Because the only personal thing I know is that she was recovering from a major depressive episode before the doc died.”

“So... no secret scandals?  Nothing dangerous she got herself into...?”

“I doubt I know anything you don’t.”

“Alright.  Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

“I think you should talk to her.  Meet up for lunch or something!  Honestly, it’d probably help both of you reach some sort of closure.  I know...”  She closes her eyes.  “I know I shouldn’t be meddling in your business this much, but if you and Alphys work out whatever crap you’ve gotten yourselves into, then Alphys might be a little less anxious.  And if you’re able to close this godawful chapter of your life, then you might be able to relax a little.  Which would make Papyrus happy.”  

Her eyes open and she grins.  “It’s crazy how it all fits together!  You, Alphys, and Papyrus— and I guess Asgore’s got some involvement in this too...  Can’t help him solve his problems, though.  Not unless I can get his wife to come back to him.”

“Yeah.  Slow down.”

“Asgore hired the doctor.  After he died, Alphys took his position.  So that means...  Asgore was your old boss too, wasn’t he?”

“Having fun, Detective Undyne?”

“Shut up, I’m trying to help my friends!  My detective work’s what’s been helping Papyrus get _you_ out of bed.”

She’s got a point.

“I’m trying here.  People I care about are hurting all the time, and there’s nothing I can do about it.  You can’t... solve every problem by punching things.”

“Never thought I’d hear you say that.”

“Believe me, I’ve tried.  I used to do practically nothing _but_ punch things.  Then, I met Asgore, and he taught me....”  She starts talking.  It’s late, and your brain is foggy.  “...made my moms cry...”   _She’s getting really emotional._  “...so I left the Capital for Waterfall, since that was where the old veteran lived...”   _What would have happened if Papyrus had found you dead?_  “...but that was before the Blooks moved in.  Man, it was hell for a while, I couldn’t get a wink of sleep...”   _Shit, don’t think about that.  Don’t think about it.  Oh, she’s still talking._  “...I thought poor Napstablook was gonna die of loneliness, but I hear they’re getting together with Shyren to start a band...”

Your eyelids droop.  Suddenly you notice that Undyne’s voice stopped.  “OH MY GOD.  How’d you get me spewing my whole life story!?  Now I forgot what I was trying to say!  Ugh, I’m done, wake up...”

You wipe a bit of drool from the corner of your mouth.  “How do you know Asgore?”

“I just told you!  Were you not listening?”

“Nope.”

“Jeez, I was gonna say you’re a great audience, but never freaking mind!  Alright, I think we all need some sleep, but...  You have to talk to Papyrus about your evil douchey dad.”

“Papyrus was right,” you say.  “He’s dead, it doesn’t matter—”

“You think what he did isn’t affecting Papyrus, too?  Your brother’s an insufferable optimist, he’s gonna need your help facing his problems.  I can’t make you get in touch with Alphys, but I swear to heck I will tie you both down and force you and Papyrus to talk out your issues if I have to!”

“So in your opinion, problems are actually solved by talking instead of punching?”

“God, I wish...”

Undyne yawns.  Her eyepatch tells you that she’s probably tried to solve a few too many problems by punching, and now, at least, she knows better.  “Nice of you to try and help.”

“That’s not sarcasm, is it?”

“No, it’s a relief to know Papyrus has got you.”

She smiles.  “I kinda wish he was _my_ brother sometimes.”

“Well guess the fuck what, sister.”

“I know, I know!  Lucky bastard!”  She means you.  What a special bonding moment.  “But hey, I’m not leaving you out.  We’re friends too, you know.”

“When’d that happen?”

“I’ve pooped in your toilet!  That makes us friends!”

“Is that how it works?”

“Heck yes that’s how it works!  We’re friends _whether you like it or not.”_

“Nice.”  Wow, Undyne sure is great.  “There’s one thing I know about Alphys that you probably don’t.  Back before you dated, she used to write fanfiction about you two living a domestic life together.”

“S-Seriously?  ARE YOU KIDDING?” Undyne shouts.

“Shh.”  You jab a finger at Papyrus’s bedroom door.  “She also used to scribble your name in the margin of her notes in little hearts...”

“Oh my god...  Alphys, you’re so freaking cute!”

Undyne gets out her phone.  You look over her shoulder.

 

_* <3<3<3<3!!!!_

 

Her expression is something you’ve never seen on her face before.  She’s transformed from a tough scary shark to an adorable kitten.  “I love her...”

“Heheh.”

Undyne looks up from her phone and glares at you.  “What are you still doing here?”

“Uhh.”

“Need me to carry you up the stairs?”

“No.”  She’d probably pick you up by the head.

“Aw well, your loss!”

You pick up your crutches and start the slow and painful process of getting upstairs.

“Night, Helvetica!” Undyne calls.

“‘Night, Undies.”

You barely dodge the pillow she throws at you.  A scene like this belongs in the animes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Helvetica" is a reference to a comic about a skeleton named after a font, I think, who inspired the names of Sans and Papyrus, I think...
> 
> Sans and Papyrus have never had a girl in the house before they probably don't know what a bra is.
> 
> Wow! Sans knows Asgore who we all know is Toriel's ex! My my how everything is interrelated, how ever is this all going to play out. It is a mystery.
> 
> Again apologies for the lack of Toriel in this chapter but! At least we have a meeting to look forward to!


	16. The theory of Momunism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With encouragement from their violent salad-making friend, Sans and Papyrus learn that they must learn to face their problems head-on. After playing in the snow for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Backstory... past tense... yea you guys know the drill.
> 
> Note: I mention that Undyne has to moms. Their names are Feferi and Vriska. Yes she is their biological daughter.

The doorknob rattled.  You listened to the struggle, watching awkwardly from the floor.  "He'll never get past the barricade!" Papyrus announced.  Still, he stood in his horse stance, ready to fight.

A fist knocked politely on the door.  "Please let me in," said Gaster.

"YOU WILL HAVE TO GET PAST THE FIRST OBSTACLE!"

The voice sighed.  The door creaked as the man pushed.  Finally, he came bursting into the room, stumbling forward into the barricade of books and chairs Papyrus had blocking the door.

"Nyeh heheheh!!  So you've made it!"

"Where is Sans?"

"The one you seek is right here!"

"No, Papyrus, you were supposed to hide me!"

Papyrus stepped aside and you found yourself facing the old man.  Sort of.  His face was several feet above yours.  You smiled.  "Hi."

"Please come out of there.  I need your help downstairs."

"Can't move."

"I am afraid that Sans is... in a bit of a bind!  Nyeh heh heh heh..."  

Trapped snugly inside a blanket burrito, you rolled over on your back to make a half-hearted show of a struggle.  "I've been captured."

"If you want me to release the prisoner," Papyrus proclaimed, "you will have to solve three deadly puzzles!"

"Please let your brother go right now."

"You're gonna have to solve the puzzles first," you told him.

Dr. Gaster made to step in front of you, but Papyrus jumped to block the way.  "The puzzles!" he yelled.

"You aren't allowed to play games like this!  You know Sans could get hurt."

"Fear not!" said Papyrus.  "The Great Papyrus takes good care of his prisoners!  He protects them and feeds them and allows for bathroom breaks!  He swears upon his honor as a royal guard that he will not let any harm come to them!  Rather than using chains and ropes, he traps them in the most comfortable of blanket burritos!"

He crouched down and opened a bag of cheese puffs.  "Say 'ah!'"

You obeyed, and Papyrus popped a cheese puff into your mouth.  You were very happy with this arrangement.

"Alright, I will...  Where are the puzzles?"

"Over there!"

You couldn't see where he pointed, but you knew that he had a few jigsaw puzzles and word searches set up.  And a color puzzle of his own invention.  "But wait, there is a twist!"

"Oh gosh, what is it?" Gaster asked.

"You have only three minutes to solve the puzzles, or else the prisoner will be mine forever!  Nyeh heh heh!!"

Gaster frantically started moving.  As you waited, you started to fall asleep.  You were really very comfortable where you were, and hoped Papyrus's puzzles would be enough to fool the man.

But alas...

"Well!  Well well well well!  You have done it!"

"I... I have...!"

"Congratulations!  Upon my honor as a royal guard, I have no choice but to let the prisoner go!"

"Good..."

Papyrus bent down and undid your wrappings.  "You shoulda made them harder."

"I thought it had to be impossible!  Our dad is very smart."

Again, you cringed. Gaster bent down and offered you a hand to help you up.  Your limbs were a little stiff, so you took it.  He did win, so you followed him out of your room.

"Before you leave, The Great Papyrus instructs you to take good care of the prisoner and return him in good condition!"

Gaster said nothing.  You abruptly stopped walking until he said, "Yes, I will make sure to do that."

You hadn't felt like a prisoner until Gaster freed you.  Walking alongside him, you knew that you had no choice.  He brought you downstairs into the lab.  He had more to teach you, and more for you to help him with.

Gaster shut the door and sighed.  "I wonder if this sort of boisterous activity is dangerous," he said.

"Hey, I'm still in one piece."

"I don't like the idea of you two fighting, even for play."

"Well, uh..."  You shrugged.  "Papyrus never caught me, I uh... surrendered."

"Still," Gaster said.  "You are delicate, and you should know better."

"I—"

"One of my main reasons for taking you in was to keep you safe.  I couldn't stand to see you in danger.  You've been broken— physically broken.  I know you trust Papyrus, but..."

You clenched your fist.  "But what."

"Even if he doesn't mean to, there could be an accident."

"Papyrus would never hurt me."

Suddenly, the old man hunched over and wheezed.  It took you a few moments to realize he was laughing.  “That was dramatic, wasn’t it?  You really have been reading too much.  You are such a child.”

“Didn’t know reading a lot was bad.”

“Maybe if I regulate your reading time, we can be friends again.”

It was moments like this when you started to doubt yourself and wonder if you were actually kind of a jerk.  Why couldn’t you be as friendly with the doctor as you used to be?  It took years, but eventually, those doubts melted away completely.  They melted before he did.

☠ ☠ ☠

“That’s it?” Undyne says.  “You can’t kinkshame your brother for blanket bondage!  I swear, you’re the most vanilla siblings I’ve ever met!”

“I’ll kinkshame whatever the hell I want.”

“You know what,” Papyrus cuts in, “if you’re still harping on about it after a _decade_ I wonder if it is not _you_ who deserves the shaming!”

“Oh snap.”

“Seriously,” Undyne mutters, “that’s the worst of it?  Where’s the sibling rivalry?  Didn’t you ever beat each other up?”

“I’m a lover, not a fighter,” says Papyrus.  “Besides, even if I wasn’t, I would have gotten in a lot of trouble!  What was it that Dad said?”

This time, Undyne cringes with you.  That’s a bit of a comfort.  “‘Whatever you do to Sans I’ll to a thousand times harder to you.’  Something like that, right?  Our dad,” he tells Undyne, “cared about Sans a lot and always looked out for him!”

“He did, did he...?”

“He was a bit of a... enigmatic character,” Papyrus says.  “But, well... he and Sans had a very rocky relationship.  So, we don’t talk about him very much.”

“I...”  Undyne looks from you to Papyrus.  “Nice of you to be sensitive but, maybe you... _should_ talk about him?  It might be a good idea?”  You can see the struggle in her face, concealing that she knows what you both know, and now she’s keeping from Papyrus that you know that she knows what he’s told her.   _By the way,_ Undyne had called out to you before you closed your door, _I know I said I hate keeping secrets, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell him I told you about all this.  At least not until you have some things sorted out.  I just don’t want him to feel like he can’t trust me ever again, okay?_

Papyrus pauses.  He’s about to turn the page of a scrapbook that he put together in his scrapbooking days.  He’s cut out a lot of photos of the two of you using fun-shaped craft scissors.  He didn’t include any pictures of his dad, even though you suspect he still has some.  “I mean, you don’t have to spill your guts right away, but it might be a good idea to clear the— OH MY GOD, IS THAT TEMMIE?”

“Oh, the Temmie doll!  I still have that in my room somewhere!  I used to love doing her hairs.”

There’s a very old photo in the book of you and Papyrus napping, which you might be looking at fondly if you weren’t busy wondering who the hell took the picture.  He’s clutching a stuffed Temmie doll, while you’re clutching him.  Once a clingy little asshole, always a clingy little asshole.

“Don’t you know Temmie’s from an old Japanese cartoon?” you ask.  “The one who lives in Waterfall’s not the real Temmie.  They’re just a weird cosplayer named Bob.”

“What?  Are... are you saying Temmie’s not real?”

“Temmie’s not real,” you say.

“I can’t believe I’ve been lied to...”  Undyne shuts her eye.  It snaps open angrily.  “How the hell do _you_ know my neighbors better than me?”

“I know everyone.”

“Yeah, you _do_ know everyone.”  She glares daggers, telepathically transmitting the name _Alphys_ over and over again.  You think you catch _Asgore_ in there as well.  “Anyway, this thing’s so damn cute it’s giving me diabetes.”  She shuts the photo album and turns away from it in disgust.  “Don’t you have anything else to do around here?”

“There’s plenty!” says Papyrus.

“Yeah, about that, didn’t you say you were gonna get a job?” you ask him.

“I did!  Every day since the start of winter break, I’ve been walking dogs!”

“I’ve been doing nothing,” says Undyne.  “Heck, since winter break started, I haven’t even been to the gym at all!  Knowing how to relax is part of working hard!”

“That sounds fake,” says Papyrus.

“It’s a nice day.  If you’re bored, why don’t you kids play in the snow?” you ask.

“Ugh...”  Undyne sighs.  “It’s not a great idea.  I kinda... catch cold easily.”

“She’s cold-blooded, like a fish!” Papyrus adds.  “Fish are cold-blooded, right?”

“Fish are cold-blooded,” you say.  You grin.  “So, the Undying Undyne has a weakness?”

“What the hell are you gonna do about it, huh?”

You stand up and hobble away to turn down all the thermostats.  Papyrus catches you in the act and tells you a cold house is just what Undyne wants.  If everyone’s shivering, you’ll have no choice but to give in and let her heat up some food.  He’s had to stop her from turning down the thermostats too, and leaving the windows open.  She was willing to risk the sniffles for the chance to be allowed to cook again.

Her nerves truly are made of steel.  Your respect for her keeps growing.

It’s been a long day.  The three of you have been snowed in, and since cooking is not allowed anymore, Papyrus has started revisiting some of his old hobbies.  Undyne’s not in a very good mood because she hates the cold, and because you haven’t brought up your daddy issues to Papyrus since last night.  She probably doesn’t expect you to say anything while she’s here, but she also probably doesn’t expect you to say anything ever.

You put away your own laundry this morning, so it’s not like you’ve been doing nothing.

“Damn...” Undyne says, “it’s really piling up.  This means the repair people aren’t coming in today...”

“Which means you get another day to hang out with us!”

“Yeah...  Yeah!  And I’m not gonna waste another second of it!”

Undyne jumps up, puts on her coat, and announces that you’re all going to go outside and watch the beautiful snow together.  Papyrus flings open the door and you stand outside for a few minutes, watching the flurries.  Finally, Undyne yells “SNOW-WRESTLING!” and tackles Papyrus to the ground.  You watch the commotion from the porch.  You take out your phone and snap a few pictures.  Maybe someday, Papyrus will get back into scrapbooking.

They roll around in the snow, Papyrus crying out for help and Undyne shrieking with glee.  You smile and leave your brother to his fate.  Finally, he manages to push her off of him and pin her down.  Undyne’s laughing too hard to fight back.

“I win!” Papyrus cheers.  “I finally win at snow-wrestling!”

“Nice job,” you say.

Undyne laughs and shoves him off of her.  “I LOVE THIS!” she yells.  She rolls over onto her back and waves her arms and legs around, making really messy snow angels.  “CMON, PAPYRUS’S BROTHER, JOIN IN!”

“Uhh, how.”

“I DON’T KNOW, SIT!  OR— BE THE SNOWMAN!”

“That could be dangerous—” Papyrus interrupts.

“DUDE, YOU ARE THE MASTER OF YOUR OWN LIFE!  DO YOU WANNA BE THE SNOWMAN OR NOT?”

“Not particularly.”

“YOUR LOSS!”

Undyne balls up some snow in her hand and throws it at you.  Even on crutches, you’re a master at dodging.  No one sees the snowballs you fling at them until they hit their mark.  You get some more pictures.  “Are you taking selfies?!” Undyne asks.  She grabs Papyrus and grins in front of your phone.  It’s the first selfie you have on your phone with the three of you.  It’s hard to believe you’ve never hung out like this before.  You all have very red noses.  Undyne demands that you send it to her.

You don’t know her number.  Undyne is offended.  Since you’re friends, you _need_ to be in each others’ contacts.  The second you realize that you’re actually enjoying yourself, you realize...

You might have died...

Papyrus and Undyne’s voices seem drowned out by the wind, and all you can think is that if you had taken those pills, you wouldn’t be here now.  Even if you somehow survived that, you doubt Papyrus would have made it to that cooking lesson, and even if Undyne’s kitchen still caught fire...

You’re here now.  And you’re going to meet Toriel in the summer...  Your panic dissipates and their laughter comes back.  Maybe you’ll get to do this again next winter.

“Who says adults can’t have fun?” Undyne sighs, looking up at the sky.  “Being an adult sucks!  Let’s just be kids again and keep making snow angels and pooping in our diapers...”

“I’m kinkshaming,” you say.

“You are really disgusting,” says Papyrus.  He lies down across from Undyne and stares at the same sky.  “Sans?  Are you getting tired standing?  Do you need a chair?”

“I’m good.”

“Stop trying to be responsible, that’s an adult thing to do!  Stop being an adult!”

Papyrus makes baby noises to appease her.  Undyne smiles peacefully.  “Only reason I want to grow up anymore,” she says, “is so I can support Alphys.  She’s the only one in the world who makes me want to be an adult...”

“Good thing that’s what you are!  Legally old enough to get married, and also vote!”

“And drink,” you add.

“WE’RE GONNA HAVE A FANTASTIC WEDDING!  Once I graduate, and gain better financial security...”  Undyne draws Alphys’s name in the snow.  She brushes it out, then draws a heart with the letters “U+A” written in the middle.  “Is this what it looked like...?” she asks you.

“She used fancier lettering.”

Undyne giggles.  You wonder if she’s high on something.  You’ve never seen her _this_ happy before.  Alphys and Undyne were never two people you would have put together in your head knowing them separately, but knowing they’re together...

You can't think of two people who deserve each other more.

Papyrus builds an impressive snow sculpture of himself.  Undyne helps by throwing snowballs at him.  You slide down and build a snow mound.  “What’s that supposed to be?” Undyne asks.

“It’s me.”

“The likeness is uncanny!” Papyrus exclaims.

Undyne tries to build a snowwoman, but her sculpture doesn’t nearly match the artistic excellence of the Snow Papyrus.  She kicks it down in frustration and beats it to powder.  Soon, she announces that she can’t feel her toes or her fingers, and decides playtime’s over.  “I’m gonna regret this later!” she shouts as she runs into the shower.

“UNDYNE, WAIT, I NEED TO USE THE—”

The door slams in his face.  Papyrus begs her to please hurry up.  “I need to go too,” you tell him.

He glares at you.  “There is only one way to determine this!”

You play rock paper scissors and he wins.  You hobble away to your room in defeat.

☠ ☠ ☠

_*did the snow hit you too?_

_*Yes.  I do hope I have enough food to last, seeing as no one is coming to clear the snow away.  
*I have been trapped inside this house since last night, but I always keep the kitchen well-stocked._

_*its finally kitchen up then_

_*What?_

_*nevermind  
*ok shes been in there 30 minutes now_

_*Who?_

_*our favorite houseguest_  
_*paps been pounding on the door pretty much since she got in_  
_*ok i think shes finally out_

 

You poke your head out of your bedroom door in time to see Undyne wrapped in a towel and dripping puddles onto the rug.  “Had a nice shower, Undies?”

 _“Don’t_ provoke me when the only thing I have to throw at you is this towel.”

 

_*were having lots of fun  
*check out what my bro built_

 

You send her the Snow Papyrus and listen to the sweet dulcet sounds of Papyrus storming down the stairs and yelling at Undyne to take her hair out of the shower drain.  Undyne tells him to do it because she needs to get herself in some warm clothing and underneath blankets before she dies of the common cold.  Papyrus doesn’t want to touch her hair.

“IT’S JUST DEAD KERATIN, CHILL!”

“IT’S GROSS!  IT’S HARD ENOUGH GETTING SANS TO PICK UP AFTER HIMSELF—”

Wait a minute, Toriel’s been snowed in and she’s stranded in the middle of nowhere.  You ask if she’s okay.  She says the power still works, and she’s warm and toasty in front of the fireplace.  That puts a happy image in your head.  Please send me more pictures, she says.

You pick out a couple more as you haul yourself downstairs.  Undyne is buried beneath a mound of heavy blankets.  She’s yelling something that’s too muffled to hear coherently, but you make out something about her mom always making her hot chocolate in the winter and not being allowed to use the goddamn stove.  You dig through the fridge to find the milk.  She deserves it.

Papyrus comes down the stairs and yells something about red hair dye all over the sink.  He also makes a rule that showers can’t exceed ten minutes.

“WHO IN THE HECK TAKES TEN MINUTE SHOWERS?”

“Well, _I’ve_ been working on it since we began trying to save on water—”

“By what, memorizing shorter songs to sing or something?”

“Actually yes!”

 

_*is this what having a sister is like_

_*I have never had any girls.  I would not know.  What a fascinating experience!  
*I do hope you are treating her well.  I would be very disappointed if you made jokes about sensitive issues._

_*ew girls have cooties_

_*]:(_

_*honestly i dont know why she likes us_  
_*ok papyrus i can understand_  
_*shes like his big sis_  
_*come to think of it though she’s probably_  
_*a couple years younger than him at least?_

_*What a complicated family you have._

_*i mean, paps a couple years behind so  
*doesnt matter she could be 16 shes still the big sis_

 

You limp into the living room on one crutch, clutching a steaming mug.  By now Papyrus and Undyne have stopped arguing, and he’s feeling her forehead.  “I don’t think colds happen right away—”

“No, these things come _fast!_  Goddammit I’m so freaking stupid—”

“Hey.”  You shove the mug forward.  “For the guest.”

Undyne takes it and sniffs it.  “Hot chocolate...?”

“There’s another one in the microwave...  Hope you can forgive me, guys, I can only carry one at a time.”

“Is this because I told you my mom made it for me...?  Don’t do this to me you weirdo, I’m getting emotions...  I’m supposed to be tough...”

“You can be yourself in front of us,” Papyrus says, giving her a reassuring pat on the shoulder.  “Not that your true self isn’t tough, but we all show weakness at times.”

“Yeah, weakness...  Like getting sick from a little snow.”

“My god, I already have a weakness!  I’m half-blind, asshole!”

“Yeah, shoulda _seen_ that one, it was _staring_ me right in the face, can’t believe _eye—”_  You point to your eyeball.  “—didn’t get how _glaringly_ obvious that was.”

Undyne frowns and sips at the hot chocolate.  “Guess you’re back to normal...”

“It’s good to have you back!” Papyrus agrees.  He gets up to get his hot chocolate, sits down, and asks Undyne, “Which mom made you hot chocolate?”

“I was raised _right,_ I don’t call my moms by their first names...”

“It isn’t fair that you get to have _two_ moms,” Papyrus sighs.

“Maybe it’s not, but I’m not sharing!”

“I think that people who have a mom already should give their extra moms to the ones who need one!”

“Equal distribution of moms,” you say.

“I don’t know why, but something about this feels borderline homophobic,” Undyne says.

“It’s an economic theory that’s been tried and failed,” you explain.  “It even led to wars and division of classes...  That system _really_ didn’t work.  You know what I’m talking about, bro.  The theory of Momunism.”

You grin.  You waggle your eyebrows.  Your audience is not impressed.  Undyne threatens to shove an entire trombone up your ass and Papyrus reminds her that violence is against the rules in this house.

You plop down on the couch.  Papyrus joins you.  Undyne sniffles and curses under her breath.  “So, neither of you,” she says, “ever had a mom?”

“I think I did once?” says Papyrus.  “But I don’t remember her.”

“And you...”  Undyne turns her head.  “What were you, some tragic orphan found on a church doorstep?  Or an alien?”

“That explains the weird eyes.”

You never found out where you were from, you weren’t interested in asking.  You’d been in the home since you were an infant.  As for Papyrus, you know his story better than yours.  There was just mommy, no daddy in the picture.  Mommy either couldn’t give two shits about baby or mommy just couldn’t support baby, baby was neglected and the police were called.  Child protective services took baby, and next thing you knew, you woke up and found a new friend sleeping on top of you.  They ran out of cribs, something like that, and stuck him in with you.

Maybe the reason he was so obsessed with having a family is because in some subconscious part of his memory, he missed it.

“I’m gonna undo the wrong that the system did to you,” Undyne mutters, clenching her fist.  “No kids are gonna go without a proper home on my watch!  When Alphys and I get married, we’re gonna adopt a million babies!”

“Doesn’t Alphys hate babies?” you ask.

“Alphys doesn’t _hate_ babies, she’s just a little scared of kids...  But heck, who wouldn’t be?   _I’m_ a little scared of kids!  They can be messed up!  Still can’t get enough of the little squirts, though...”

“Wait, Sans...”  Papyrus turns to you.  “You know Alphys?”

“Yeah, I know everyone.”  You laugh.  “Heh, I remember this one time...  Someone handed her a baby, and she freaked out.  She couldn’t do anything about it...”

“And you didn’t help her?  Jerk...”  Undyne clutches her mug tighter and gives you a weird sideways look.  “About that...  Are you planning on... I don’t know, at least _calling_ her?  At least get it over with now.”

“I’ll...”  As much as this is the last thing you’d like to do, Undyne and Alphys are the reasons you’re alive.  “Yeah, I’ll give her a message.”

“How generous,” Undyne says.  “I guess, even a sign you’re alive is enough.  Just make it long, and make it _good.”_

Papyrus seems very confused.  “How _do_ you know Dr. Alphys?  Even I’ve never met her in person!  I do follow her online, though.  Her nerdy anime reviews are hilarious.”

“Off topic but,” you say, desperate to get off topic, “speaking of momunism, if you hypothetically have a friend who’s a mom, is it rude to tell her Your Mom jokes if her kids are dead?”

“I wouldn’t risk it,” Undyne advises.

“Fair enough...”

☠ ☠ ☠

_*how are you doing  
*hows the snow_

_*I have not left the house in three days.  Watching movies grows tiring.  It truly rots your brain from the inside.  
*And I have read nearly every book in the library..._

_*you know you can download books online_

_*Oh??  Do tell!_

 

You give her the names of a few helpful apps.  Can you even download cookbooks? she asks.  Yes, you tell her, in fact, you can find most recipes online.  Toriel is ecstatic.  She tells you she won’t be bored for several more weeks.  The internet is incredible, she says.

 

_*hey you know what else you can do  
*you can send pictures_

_*I do not know how._

_*attach it_

 

You walk her through the process.  She sends you a picture of a spider with the caption “My helpful carnivorous little friend!”  Besides for snails, she finds bugs fascinating.  A little ways away from the house is Toriel’s favorite bug hunting spot.  She swears she’s found some undocumented species.  Bugs are nature’s friends, and they would be humanity’s friend too if humanity weren’t so afraid of the small and unfamiliar.

This poor woman, you think, must be bored out of her mind most of the time.

She’s really enjoying her newfound ability to send pictures.  She sends you a picture of a freshly made pie, her bookshelf, and her small desk chair.

 

_*Its name is Chairiel._

_*thats adorable_

 

Now that she can send pictures, you’re determined to find the least Aaronesque way to say “send pics lmao ;)”  This is going to be difficult.

 

 _*now that weve decided to visit each other and everthing_  
_*i kinda want to see you?_  
_*sending selfies is easy theres this button you can press to turn the camera around_  
_*you can even edit cool effects onto it_

You’ve always been a proud atheist, but in this moment you silently pray to every god you know of that the next text you receive will be a selfie.

 

 _*Oh, I see..._  
_*Perhaps another time.  My hair is being rather unruly today._  
_*I know you must be curious, but I promise there is not much to see._

_*if you dont want to i wont force ya_

_*Thank you._

 

You’re a firmer atheist than ever.

 

_*I haven’t been up to much.  What you are up to is bound to be much more interesting._

_*theres something really important ive been putting off but i was snowed in yesterday_  
_*so i had a good excuse to keep procrastinating_  
_*i dont know how you can go months without leaving your house. a couple weeks of that nearly killed me_

_*But you seem to be doing so much better!  Even better than before your fall, I think!  
*Anyway, do not put off that task any longer, whatever that is!  I am rooting for you._

_*thanks tori_  
_*welp_  
_*im going to grillbys_  
_*last time i was there i broke my fibula in 4 different places and nearly froze to death but hey everyone deserves a second chance_  
_*wait no last time i was there i got fired_  
_*even better_

_*Good luck!_  
_*Or should I say...._  
_*BREAK A LEG!!_

_*tori_  
_*i want you to do me a favor_  
_*this may seem odd but i want you to choose a hand_  
_*and point upward_  
_*but point as though you dont have an index finger_  
_*use the finger next to it_  
_*are you doing it_

_*Yes I am as a matter of fact!_

_*good_  
_*you see that hand_  
_*thats my hand_  
_*thats me tori_  
_*im flipping you off_

Toriel sends you a picture.  You open it up and see a very white hand giving the thumbs-up.

 

_*Thank you for the encouragement, Sans._

_*nice_

 

Well, that was something.  You’ve seen Toriel’s hand.  It’s white as a sheet.  Her nails are painted light purple.  You’re glad to see she’s put effort into painting them, because if it were you stuck inside a house for months, you wouldn’t even bother getting dressed let alone painting your nails.

You smell the distinct putrid smell of burgers cooking.  You limp toward it.  There’s your destination, your favorite hangout, and it’s right at the time when some of your friends usually show up.  You left Papyrus and Undyne a sticky note telling them you’re eating out tonight.  Not to insult Undyne’s salad-making skills, but you kept the message concise.  Just like the message you’ve been drafting to Alphys.

You push the door open.  The place is smaller than you remember it.

“Heyyy...”

“YO!!”

“Sans!  Buddy!”

“SANSY, YOU’RE BACK!”

All heads in the diner turn.  You wave, and suddenly, three sets of hands are pushing you into a booth.

“Siddown man, how’s the leg?”

“Heh, I barely feel anything these days.”

“SANSY, WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!” Drunk Bunny yells.  She stumbles over to your booth.  “Oh Sansy, it’s so boring without you!  You’re the life of the party!”

“That’s true,” says Red.  “Even Grillbz was startin’ to worry.”

You smile at Grillbz.  He turns away, looking guilty.  “Grillby said you both decided you’re not working here anymore.  We thought we’d never see you again.”

“Don’t any of you guys know where I live?” you ask.  “You coulda come on over any time.”

“I came over with Ugly a couple weeks ago,” says Red.  “But your brother told us to leave.  He said you weren’t feeling well.”

Welp.  You had no idea.  “Heh, really?”  Why did he do that?  Sure, you may have said no to visitors if he had asked, but he _could_ have asked...  “I got a bone to pick with him...”

“Well, glad you’re back on one foot!  Make yourself comfy— Grillbz, get us a double order of burg.”

Grillby goes into the kitchen right away.  “So, anyone been working on finding me a job?  Pap’s still got a semester to go, and rent’s not cheap.”

“You kidding?” Bigmouth says.  “We musta found you hundreds of jobs!  Most of Snowdin’s on the case by now!  Haven’t you checked your mailbox for all the offers?”

“Mailbox...?”

“Or your email?” adds Hamster.  “Grillby mentioned you needed a job from home.  I put hours of research into this!  I found you job offers that pay three times as much as this joint!”

Red glares at Hamster as Grillby comes back with your ‘burg.  You sink your teeth into it, relishing in the taste and texture of greasy meat.  All your friends have found at least a few job offers, they all helped out, and you imagine your mailbox must be overflowing.  You check your email and find you have hundreds of unread emails in your inbox.  Then again, you rarely check your email.  If only you had asked for their help before, they tell you, they would have gotten you a safer well-paying job years sooner.

You quit talking about money and discuss what’s been going on in everyone’s lives.  Anyone gotten laid?  You already know the answer, Ugly tells you.  Nothing exciting has been going on, they’ve been discussing your fall.  It was scary.  No one went inside, everyone waited with you in negative degree weather until the ambulance came.  You laugh, wishing you had been lucid enough to notice.

They knew you had talked to Grillby since then, but he refused to give any details.  How’ve you been? they ask.  “Hope your awesome bro’s been taking good care of you?” asks Red.

“Yeah...”  Sending your friends away...  Is that just because he’s never liked them?  Or because poor depressed little Sansy couldn’t handle any loud voices?  “Where’s Doggo?  And our favorite couple...?”

“Who knows?  They’re always up to some weird shit no matter what, but you should come by tomorrow.  They’ll wanna see you!”

You don’t know why you didn’t spend more time missing your friends while you were at home.  You ask if anyone has an extra laptop.  Even a broken laptop.  No one can help you here.  You’ll need to invest.

After two hours of catching up, your friends start to trickle out and you decide it’s time to head on home.  You remember that Papyrus and Undyne are waiting there with leftover salad, and it makes the walk easier for a couple blocks.

Then, you wonder if they’re talking about you.

You clench your teeth.  Undyne’s not some perfect saint, just a meddler who needs to stay the fuck out of your business.  Sending your friends away, was that _her_ idea?

 

_*How was your visit?  Your friends must have been delighted to see you after all this time!_

 

Right now, Toriel’s at the top of your list of favorite people.

 

_*yeah that was exactly what i needed_

_*]:D_

_*can i tell you something i hate to unload again but yeah_

_*Is something upsetting you?_

_*..._  
_*ok here goes_  
_*papyrus is starting to get a bit obnoxious_  
_*i think he started being really... overprotective now that he knows whats going on?_  
_*i appreciated it in the beginning but_  
_*now hes going behind my back and asking his friends for advice_

_*That is, as the Young People would say, Not Cool._  
_*(I capitalized those words for emphasis.)_  
_*Have you tried asking him for space?_

_*uh._  
_*no?_  
_*im glad he has someone he can trust with his worries_  
_*but when his primary worry is me it starts to get a bit uncomfortable_

_*Reminds me of my ex._

_*ah yeah i was_  
_*wondering about that_  
_*if you were married...._  
_*kinda hoped you werent if you spend all this time texting? thatd probably mean that_  
_*your marriage couldnt be_  
_*very happy_

_*As a matter of fact, yes I have been married!_  
_*But do not worry about my ex husband._  
_*He is dead to me. :)_

_*..._  
_*sorry about that?_  
_*shit i_  
_*cant help but wonder_  
_*all that concern over abuse, was that bastard abusive_

_*No, definitely not.  
*Even if he were, I would never stand there and take it.  Do not worry, I know how to stick up for myself!_

_*good i was  
*worried there_

_*I appreciate your concern, but our divorce was over... very complicated issues, which I am not in the mood to explain from the very beginning.  It is a long and stressful story to tell.  
*Anyway, I was reminded of him because after our divorce, he still would not leave me alone.  He kept trying to get in touch with me to ask about my wellbeing and make up with me over what he had done._

_*well at least he wanted to make up with you and not_  
_*idk_  
_*beat you_

_*Heavens no!  Still, I only wanted to get away!_  
_*When I changed my phone number, he asked people to spy on me so that he would know how I was doing._  
_*It was terrible._  
_*Sometimes, concern is uncalled for and unwanted.  And that is alright!  There is a time and place for everything, and if you really care about the person you claim to care about, you will respect their wishes and let them go free._

_*are you in hiding?_

_*No.  I am sure he knows where I live.  It is no secret that this house has always been a second home to me._  
_*But he has stopped.  He has not tried to contact me in a very long time._  
_*If he can learn to let go, your brother can, too._  
_*Hopefully, you can get him off your back without having to call the police on him._

_*ok but let me know if you need me to kick someones ass for you_

_*I appreciate that, but...  I am afraid that even if that battle were to happen, you would get squashed flat.  I would not like to see that happen._

_*i have my ass-kicking ways_

_*Please do not attempt to fight my ex._

_*ok  
*ill leave your creepy stalkerish ex alone_

_*I know you mean well, but I would rather not fling insults at him where he cannot defend himself.  I think I am above that._  
_*As much as I would like to sometimes, I do not want to become that type of person._  
_*But yes.  Papyrus.  Do not let him become like my ex husband._  
_*Let him know you are uncomfortable!  Besides, he probably believes he is doing the right thing.  It is up to you to let him know why you are angry at him._  
_*Otherwise, once you let your anger out, he will be very confused._  
_*And if, by some worst-case scenario he persists so hard that you need to escape, you can join me in this large house once the snow clears..._  
_*I could use the company...._

_*you serious_

_*Erm, not exactly._

_*too soon huh_

_*As nice as that sounds, I would rather you made up with your brother._

_*ok at least_  
_*ill see you eventually?_  
_*any idea when a good date is?_

_*Let us take care of one issue at a time.  You must have a lot on your mind.  You still need to find a second job, do you not?_

_*yeah and  
*ill need to find something else to sell..._

_*I wish there was more I could do._

_*knowing i can make you laugh  
*thats more than enough_

_*Oh gosh... >_<  
*Which room can a skeleton not go into?_

_*uh  
*what room_

_*The living room!  
*It is because they are dead._

_*how is marriage like a 3 ring circus_

_*Do tell._

_*theres 3 rings. engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering_

_*You did not._  
_*Sometimes, I wish that my ex was still here so I could keep him warm..._  
_*By setting him on fire!_

_*what happened to being above that_

_*He was my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now._

_*what happened_

_*I used to think he took my breath away, until I realized I was only suffocated by his bullshit!!  
*XD_

_*toriel what happened_

_*I am not as above this as I thought I was.  This is fun._

_*k im home now_

_*Good luck.  But do not break a leg this time._

_*thanks tori youre great_

 

You push the door open.  You’re greeted by the sound of screaming.

“NGAAAHH!”

“OH NO!  WHAT HAPPENED?”

“AH BITH MAH TOUNGUE!”

“OH MY GOSH, IT’S BLEEDING!  I’LL GO GET A BANDAID—”

“IDIOTH!  PAPYWUTH, YA CA’ PUH A BANDAID ON YA TONGUE!”

You hobble into the kitchen where the commotion is happening.  Undyne has her head in the sink, while Papyrus runs around in circles.  “And so the warrior’s own sword turns against her.”

“SHADDUP!”

“Humans aren’t meant to have pointed teeth.  Nature just doesn’t work like that.  That’s the, heh... that’s the _tooth.”_

Undyne gargles water.  Papyrus glares at you.  “Sans, that isn’t funny!  How would you like it if I made jokes when _you_ got hurt?”

“Why not?” you say.  “I do.”

Papyrus opens his mouth, then falters.  He’s got nothing to say, because you’re _right,_ isn’t everything better when you can make it funny?  Why doesn’t he get it?  Undyne was right, you really are too different to understand each other at all.  “Then again, when do I ever do anything right?  You just... heh, I’m not even allowed to laugh at myself.  How’s that fair?”

Undyne shuts off the sink.  She stands up, and _god_ she is tall...  She looks like she wants to say something.  The hell is she doing here again...?  Fortunately, she keeps her mouth shut.

“You were laughing at Undyne—”

“Hey,” she interrupts, “I don’t think this is really about me at this point...”

“Course it’s not,” you say.  “She gets it!  I don’t know how, because we’ve hardly even said hi in the past, so I guess it must be common fucking sense!”

“What are you even _talking_ about?” Papyrus asks.

“I just came back from Grillby’s, yknow, that place you’re always telling me to leave...  You think it’s cool to send my friends away?  You thought I couldn’t handle it, or do you just really dislike them that much?”

“I...” He briefly looks to Undyne for help.  “I don’t know what you mean!  What friends?”

“Who knows?  Maybe I’m friends with Nobody, too!”

“You know what!” Undyne yells.  You smile at her, telepathically letting her know that anything she has to say here is completely uncalled for.  “I need to poop!”

Welp.  She runs to the door.  “Bathrooms that way—” Papyrus calls.

“I THINK I’M GONNA POOP OUTSIDE.  ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT!”

The door slams.  You wince, hoping she didn’t break it.  “Alright.  Let’s do this.  If we’re gonna rip into each other, let’s do it in an orderly fashion.  Any refreshments?”

“I don’t want to rip into you!  But if you really want to, shouldn’t you... sit down first?”

For a second, you forget why you were angry with him.  You should have made a list beforehand.  You sit.  He sits across from you.  “Alright!” he announces.  “Orderly fashion you say?  Is there an order?”

“I tell you why I’m mad and you... either apologize or retaliate?”

“That sounds very orderly!  Alright, let’s begin.”

“I told you already, you...”  You don’t have the words.  You haven’t felt this way in a long time, you feel... _frustrated._  “Nevermind, it’s all just emotional residue... shouldn’t be taking it out on you...”

“I do not know what emotional residue is, but I wish you would tell me what was going on!  Every time you say it doesn’t matter, it tends to be very important!”

“My friends,” you say.  “You hate my friends, you hate my jokes, you hate...  Look, there’s... not a lot that makes me happy.  And when I like something, you disapprove, you know what I mean?  I support all the shit you do, but _damn,_ you won’t even let me make a joke out of myself.”

"That's because your humor is self-deprecating and disturbing!"

"And my eating habits are unhealthy and my friends all suck—"

"Where in the _world_ is this coming from?"

"God, I don't... even know..."

You're overreacting.  He doesn't deserve any of this.  "No, there is a reason!  And if you keep avoiding things like you always do, we will never get to the bottom of it!"

"I'm just sick of this," you say.  "Talking's exhausting...  Since I broke my leg, it's just been... I can't my mind of things anymore.  I want it to end, okay?  You get sick of being treated like you can break any second.  And you not letting me be the fucking snowman...  What am I getting at here..."

"Okay, but did you _really_ want to be the snowman?" Papyrus narrows his eyes.

"Uh, no... But you could have... asked?"

"Alright, Sans, I am sorry I did not give you the chance to refuse the offer of being the snowman!"

"You know I'm not a little kid?  Despite being disabled?  And..."  And ready to die...  Man, what can you possibly say for yourself here?  "Look, it's nice that you're just trying to help, but can you... ask me first?  Instead of going behind my back...?"

"Ask you?"  Papyrus hangs his head.  "Ugh, she keeps telling me—"

_"She?"_

“I mean, nobody!  That is, my friend, Nobody.”

“Guess what dude, _Nobody’s_ taking a shit in our backyard right now.”  You mean that literally.  You don’t know what Undyne’s doing, but you doubt even she’s actually pooping in your backyard.

"Glad you've found yourself someone you can trust...  Hell, I don't even know why'd expect otherwise.  So why'd you tell my friends to leave?  Did Undyne tell you to do that?"

"Wh-what— Undyne never told me to do anything!"

"Could you be more transparent...?  You're really bad at keeping secrets, you know."

"Oh no... who told you?"

You can't tell him Undyne confirmed it, he still needs someone to trust...  "Uhh, _you_ just did."

"I—"  His eyes suddenly widen.  "Oh!  Now I know what you're talking about!  Those two— the one with the ugly hair and the one who was just ugly!  They came over more or less than a week ago!"

"Yeah..."

"It wasn't a good day for visitors!"

"That's for freaking _me_ to decide."

Papyrus frowns.  "You'd been passed out for eighteen hours straight and anyone could see you'd spent the night crying!  You were a terrible mess, and I would have tried waking you up sooner if I was... advised to let you sleep."

"Oh," you say.  "It was... that day?"

"Yes!  And if I forgot to mention it later, it was because there were many other things on my mind, what with you waking up with a fever after all that had happened!"

"Oh..."  You drop your head and laugh.  "God, now I feel like an asshole...  Yeah, you made the right decision there, Pap.  Good job.  Keep doing the right thing..."

"Is that all?"

"Hell no that's not all..."

"But you aren't going to tell me, because you never tell me anything!"  Now he's getting angry.  Finally.  "You know, Sans, I wish you were as bad at keeping secrets as you say I am.  You're so amazing at keeping secrets that I never know what is wrong until it's almost too late.  How am I supposed to ask you things when you lock yourself in your room all day?  One day you seem carefree as ever, and then the next I find out your life is possibly in danger, I'm..."

He pauses.  You wait.  He's right, he's right about everything, and you feel like crap.  "I'm scared, Sans," Papyrus finally says.  "Because you never tell the truth.  I never know if you'll give me a straight answer, or if you'll just make a joke!  I just don't know what to do..."

He sighs.  "Hey, sorry I got mad—"

"You have the right to get mad whenever you want!  I would rather face _this_ than your door.  You can't confront a locked door!  Undyne has... she knows a lot about mental illness.  I figured she'd be more help than me, who knows absolutely nothing!"

"Heh, must be scary..."

"Finding out that someone very close to you, in fact, your only family, is ready to die and has been ready to die for months and possibly years?  And I might have let that happen!"

"You don't blame yourself, do you?  Don't... please don't blame yourself—"

"Do you hear me blaming anyone?"

"I'm sorry I'm such a piece of shit..."

"You are not a piece of shit, you are only unfortunate enough to have a chemical deficiency in your brain that makes you think this way!  I am very glad you came forward and finally spoke to me.  I will try to ask you what you want in the future, but I can only do that if you can promise to be more honest and upfront."

"Is it really worth the effort..."

"Yes!   _You_ are worth the effort!"

You try to say something, but it turns into a hoarse laugh.  "Are you crying?" Papyrus asks.

"No..."

"Honesty!"

"Yep..."

You wipe your eyes.  You look toward the door.  "Wonder how long someone can take a pretend dump in the snow..."

"We’ll need to add another item to the house rules list, poop only goes in the toilet..."

"I can't stay mad at you."

"Do you want a hug?" he asks hopefully.

"I always want a hug."

When Papyrus is standing next to your chair embracing you, that's when Undyne decides to come back in.  "WHAT THE HELL," she shouts.

"Jealous?" you ask.  "Cmon, Undies, get in..."

"THIS ISN'T HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO WORK, DAMMIT!  YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FIGHT IT OUT!  YELL AT EACH OTHER!  WHERE'S ALL THE BROKEN GLASS?  I WAS READY TO DRIVE SOMEONE TO THE HOSPITAL!"

"We can't really afford that right now."

"IF NO ONE'S GONNA BREAK ANYTHING, THEN I WILL!"

"NO!"

Papyrus lets go of you to chase after her.  "I'll pay for a new set of dishes!  I just can't stand you two— you're embarrassing!"

"PLEASE DO NOT BREAK THE DISHES."  Papyrus grabs her from behind as she reaches for the cabinet.  

"IT’S HEALTHY!  CMON, BREAK ONE YOURSELF!  YOU'LL FEEL BETTER!"

"Hey Undies, how was pooping in the snow?"

"FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!  NGAHHH!  YOU'RE BOTH SO STUPID!"

"I thought it went well," Papyrus says.  "Oh, how is your tongue?"

"I ate a whole bunch of snow and now it feels better."

Undyne breaks through Papyrus's grip in an instance and holds him in a headlock.  "Well!"  She smiles sweetly at you.  "There's still plenty of leftover salad if you want!  Please help yourself!"

"Oww..."

"Thanks."

On tonight's menu is sushi salad.  Papyrus boiled the rice.  Besides for the rice, which is crispy for some reason, it's pretty good.  Undyne comments that sushi is the only badass thing you can eat raw.  Therefore, she eats it all the time.

Your phone buzzes.

 _*Why is divorce so expensive?_ __  
_*...Because it's worth it!_ __  
_*What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?_ _  
_ _*When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!_

_*seriously tori_

_*This is the most fun I've had in years.  Want to hear more?_

_*yeah lay em on me_

 

She has so many divorce jokes.  Makes you wonder how long she’s been holding back.

☠ ☠ ☠

You crumple up another note and toss it halfheartedly in the trash.  You just can’t find the right words.  You’re ready to give up.  This is already your second draft.

You don’t want to be _too_ specific, or god forbid, too wordy.  The woman’s got to be busy.  You want to write something she’ll really appreciate, that really speaks to her.  Suddenly, it comes to you.  You know exactly what to say.  You’ve known all along.  You write it down on a piece of Papyrus’s old stationery (found buried in the very bottom of his closet) and fold it into an envelope.

You hope Alphys appreciates your effort.

You hobble out of your room to find Undyne.  You’ll give her the note before you leave for the hotdog stand.  She’s right at the bottom of the stairs, talking to Papyrus.  Their voices are quiet.  That’s unusual for them.  You wait near your door and listen.

“...meaning I _did_ know something was fishier, fishier than usual!”

“Well, that was then and this is now.  You can’t keep looking back, that’s not gonna help anyone.”

“And he used to spend all this time alone in his room, telling jokes to himself!  He first started doing it several weeks ago, is it because no one else laughs at him?”

“Ever thought he might be on the phone?”

“Of course not!  No one would willingly listen to his jokes for that long!”

Nice.  They’re _still_ talking about you.  Papyrus goes on and on about your weird habits, Undyne muttering that she’s heard this before.  Finally, she says, “You have to ask him this stuff yourself.”

“I know, I know...”

“Listen.  Dude.  I think... your brother’s gonna be okay.  When I came over, I thought it’d be a lot worse.  But he’s active.  That’s important.  It’s not as bad as you think.”

“Are you sure...?”

“I am pretty sure.”

So there’s one person who has faith in you.  That’s nice to know.  Looking down from the landing, you realize that Undyne’s taller than Papyrus.  You never noticed that before.  From the ground everyone looks the same.  

“I think... you’ve both been doing really well,” says Undyne.  “I’m kind of impressed.  But if you can’t trust him, he’s gonna have trouble trusting himself.”

Papyrus mumbles something that you can’t make out.  

“I know,” Undyne says, “that you’re worried...  You’ve been doing your best.  And your brother appreciates that.  He told me.  But... don’t forget to take care of yourself too, alright?”

Papyrus sighs.  He sounds tired.  “You big fluffy goober...” Undyne mutters.  She wraps him in a warm, brotherly embrace.  He stands still for a moment before resting his head on her shoulder.  She closes her eye and squeezes him.  It looks suffocating, but very loving in a mildly violent sort of way.  It doesn’t feel right, intruding on such a tender moment.

Undyne slowly opens her eye.  She looks up and notices you standing there.  Her eye narrows.  “Yo,” you say.

Papyrus looks up and cranes his neck.  “Oh, hi Sans!”

“Morning.”

Undyne steps back and picks up her duffel bag from the couch.  “Well... guess I should head out before the traffic gets too horrendous.”

“You’re leaving?” you ask.

“Yeah, I don’t live here, remember?  The repairs on my apartment got a bit delayed because of the snow, so I’m staying with Alphys now that Napstablook’s back home.  Their place is all fixed up now!  And, best part is, Alphys’s whole house is fireproof!”

“Ok good.  Can you deliver this.”

“Whoa!   _Good?_  That’s it?  No tearful farewells?!”

“I’ve got a letter for Alphys.  You can get it to her today.”

Her eye widens.  “Alright!  Hand it over!”

“Could you, uh... come up here and get it?”

Undyne runs up the stairs and takes your letter.  “Can I trust you not to open it?” you ask.  “There’s some... personal stuff in there.  Back in college, Alphys and I went through a lot...  You get the idea.”

“Yeah.  I promise.”

“Thanks.”

Undyne sticks the note in her duffel bag and walks to the door.  “Remember what I told you about healthy dieting!  Good luck, weirdos!”

“Have a good trip!” Papyrus tells her.  “Tell Alphys I say hi and that her review for Meow Meow Smoochy Cutie—”

“Mew Mew Kissy Cutie,” you correct.

“That her review for Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 was very scathing and insightful!  She never replies to my very thought-out and wordy comments.”

“Got it!  See you next Sunday!”

And with that, she’s off.  Papyrus droops.  “In like a storm, out like a breeze, leaving salad and red hair dye stains in her wake.  The undying warrior departs!  That’s my poem about Undyne.  I just made it up now.”

“You gotta write that down.”

“What was in the letter you wrote to Alphys?” he asks.

“Not a lot,” you say.  “I kept it pretty to the point.  Just let her know what was important.”

“And you can’t tell me?”

“It’s too personal.”

Papyrus says he understands.  He’s sure Alphys will be very happy to get your message.  You’re not as sure.  It’ll probably drag up a lot of bad feelings.  It won’t make her forgive you, you know that for sure.

You managed to sum it up in just five words.  You’re pretty proud of what you wrote.

 

_mew mew kissy cutie sucks_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to tumblr user poisondilu for the adorable fanart that you can all see by copy-pasting this lazy link! http://poisondilu.tumblr.com/post/137796454966/did-somebody-order-pillowfort-storytimes-with-a Because of it, I had to include the Temmie doll.
> 
> For those who are Asgore fans, fear not I'm a fan of everyone in Undertale and like all the crazy issues in this fic, I'm not gonna let the Asgore issue remain unresolved. Somehow.
> 
> A few facts about Papyrus's biological mom: Her name was Spaghetti and she never had sex she just consumed so much spaghetti that she gave birth to a child who was half spaghetti. Spaghetti Momma did mean well and wished the best for her spaghetti baby. It'd be nice if they could meet again, I imagine her looking exactly like Papyrus but with Mami Tomoe style pigtails made out of spaghetti.


	17. A Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is by far the heaviest. Trigger warnings for... lots of bad stuff. Self-harm, child abuse, death... fun, fun fun.
> 
> I THINK THIS CHAPTER IS MY FAVORITE IT'S DEFINITELY MY FAVORITE SO FAR

 

**I feel worn out.**

That’s a no-brainer.  You click the little circle labeled “all the time.”

**I feel so guilty I can barely take it.**

That’s a little personal...  You didn’t think taking this test would be anything but uncomfortable, but it’s just you in here, so you answer honestly.

**I think about death**

All the goddamn time...

**I do things either very slowly, or act fidgety and agitated**

There’s maybe two things on this entire test that don’t apply to you all the time.  You score it, and it tells you that you have severe depression.  You go back and wonder if maybe you’re just overestimating, if this is just a bad day, and on a different day the results would be different.  You retake the entire test, trying to answer through a more objective lense, but the results are more or less the same.

The test reminds you that it cannot make up for a real psychiatric evaluation, and it also provides links to emergency services.  

It’s just a bad day, you keep telling yourself, but you’ve had days worse than this.  For Papyrus’s sake, you wonder if you should give in and see a shrink.

☠ ☠ ☠

He didn’t know any better.  Papyrus was so caught up in his own life, his own goals, that he couldn’t understand why you had none of your own.  You were more interested in destroying your reputation, it seemed, than becoming a success like he was working toward becoming.

It wasn’t like you were a hardened criminal, unless finding a way to somehow replace all the school lunch with rubber duckies was a crime.  Your first crime was probably spray-painting a stop sign blue.  Why blue, it just seemed to make sense to you at the time.  You got in trouble for such stupid things, because it was up to you to spice things up with things got boring.  Your friends loved it, especially when the whole school was evacuated because they thought there was a dead body rotting somewhere.  It was a simple prank that was discovered in a matter of minutes.

Tuna in the vents.  It made the whole place stink of death.

Your family didn’t have the same sense of humor your friends did.  Sometimes, you actually got a snicker out of your old dad.  But Papyrus disapproved.

As the old man cracked down on you harder, your antics became less innocent.  You avoided coming home as much as possible, staying with friends, sneaking out at night, hanging out at the wrong places, doing the wrong things.  The time you decided to celebrate your birthday, you and your buddies got plastered and made such a public disturbance that your whole party got arrested.  Dear old dad had a fun time getting you out of that one.

He assured the police officers that it would never happen again, they told him it’s not a very unusual thing for kids to get into.  They let you go with a warning.  You think you might have enjoyed a few weeks behind bars, getting to know the other inmates, but your crime wasn’t big enough.  You didn’t put on a show of feeling guilty at all, so Gaster dragged you out of there as fast as he could.

On the ride home, he began the speeches.  “Are you trying to destroy my reputation?  Is that why you’re doing this?”

“Nah, it was nothing that personal.”

“Or are you trying to destroy your chances of having a future?  Because a criminal record won’t look good for you.  And it won’t look good for your brother, either.”

That got your attention.  “Have you not thought about that before?” he continued.  “How what you do affects him?  Don’t you want him to have a good chance?  Try to think about how your actions affect others.”

“Uhh...”

“Uh,” Gaster repeated.  He sighed.  “You used to be so mild.”

“Oh, yeah, reading books all the time.  Didn’t you say something like, other types of kids wind up in jail someday, but kids like me grow up to change the world?  Something like that?  And, ha, I was different from other kids because I freaking read books?”

“I still think you have great potential,” Gaster said.  “You’ve shown, at least, that you have great technical capabilities by, well... hacking into your school’s intercom system...”

“Surprised that one didn’t get me arrested...”

“I don’t think that taking over the PA system and playing _‘What’s New Pussycat’_ on repeat for several hours is a real crime.”

You snorted.  “Please tell me you at least got a laugh out of that.”

“I have a reputation to uphold.  But of course I—  Yes, I did, but it ceases to be amusing after a while.  I think you’re using your capabilities for the wrong reasons.”  

“I beg to differ,” you said, remembering that glorious afternoon.

He told you that you could be better than this.  He’d have no choice but to ground you for a few weeks.

It was less than you were expecting.  It didn’t even seem like you were in trouble.  Overall, Papyrus seemed a lot more angry at you than Gaster was.  “Cmon,” you told him, “even the old man thinks I can do better!”

“I do, too!” he snapped at you.  “Now why don’t you get on that!”

You had your laughs, but nothing was worth losing Papyrus.  He had so many reasons to be angry at you, you were making him look bad, and even like this you were taking all his dad’s attention.

The last thing that saved your relationship was getting a panic attack in the middle of the hallway.  You were prepared to quit taking your meds again, but from then on, it was Gaster who wouldn’t let you leave until he watched you swallow them.  It was time he began squeezing that potential out of you, he decided.  No more late night excursions, you weren’t to leave the house at night.  When you finished your homework and went to leave the lab, you found that you’d been locked in.

Gaster came in later to do some work.  He asked how you were doing.  “Finished my homework,” you say.  “Can I go now.”

“I’ll bring down the cot.”

“I’m hungry.”

“You could stand to lose some weight.”

“Haven’t eaten since lunch.  Pretty sure starving a kid’s illegal.”

“I’m not going to starve you.  Now, I need quiet to work.”

You clenched your teeth.  “How exactly do you plan to go about shutting me up.  Is the door open?  I’ll get out of here and you’ll have the place all to yourself, how’s that sound.  I’m kind of in the mood to sleep in my own bed tonight.”

“The door is open,” the old man said.  “If you’re so desperate to sleep in your own bed, I can move the cot into the living room for your brother.”

“He’s, uhh...”  You paused.  “What.”

“He hasn’t stopped bugging me since your arrest to discipline you harder.  He thinks I’ve been too easy on you, and that’s turned you into a hooligan.  He doesn’t want to see you.  Don’t you understand?  He’s embarrassed to be related to you.  Do him a favor and give him a break for a few days.”

You stayed in the basement for a week, coming up to eat after midnight so that Papyrus wouldn’t have to see you.  You avoided him in school.  Your friends avoided you too, something about your dad contacting their parents with threats and telling them to stay away from his son.  Meeting after school wasn’t an option anymore, so you went straight home and did nothing but study and stare at the blank wall.

You took your pills and did your work like a good boy.  Gaster was very happy about that.  When there was no more work to do, you slept.

There was nothing else to do.  Nowhere else to go.  Your brother hated you, your friends wanted nothing to do with you anymore, and you were bored.  There was a great big gaping void which was filled with all the things you missed, friends and fun...  You tried filling that void by stuffing yourself with food when no one else was around.  It didn’t work, you just made yourself nauseous.

You wondered if it really was the meds.  After the old man watched you take them, you vomited them back up.  It wasn’t all that pleasant, so you decided not to do that again.  There didn’t really seem to be much of a point.

Finally, one day, you saw Papyrus approaching you.  You put up your hood and walked away.  You felt his hand on your shoulder.  “Sans?” he said.  “Is everything okay?  You’ve been very quiet.”

You shrugged off his hand and kept walking.

“Oh no!  It’s worse than I thought!”  He caught up and walked beside you.  “You’ve been acting very much not like yourself.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?  Maybe the new me’s someone you could stand to be seen with.”

“I did not understand that entire sentence—”

You turned to face him, plastering back on your smile after it had been gone for a week.  “Heard you didn’t wanna be seen with me, so I kept out of your way.”

“Who on _earth_ told you that?”

“Are you saying it’s not true?”

“No!”  Papyrus took your arm to stop you from walking any further.  “I think you should be spending more time with me than ever!  Clearly I could help set you back on the right path!”

“But... you’re not...” you stammered, hardly able to get the words out.  “I don’t know, embarrassed to be around me?”

“Were you really worried about that?  Of course not!  Someone’s been spreading awful and untrue rumors!”

Papyrus wouldn’t lie to you.  There was no way he would.  You clenched your hands into fists and laughed.  “He’s a fucking liar,” you muttered.

“Who is?”

He had made it all up so that you’d stay away from all distractions.  You were furious with yourself too for letting him get at you this easily.  You should have known.  He had learned to push all your buttons, that manipulative bastard had your strings at his fingers.

You went straight to your room when you got home, choosing to do your homework in the comfort of your own desk and Papyrus’s watch.  He advised you to start as soon as you could, and take short breaks in between.  He wasn’t the best study partner, but he was the only one who could motivate you.  When you were done, he congratulated you and said you were already getting yourself back on the right path.

Gaster came looking for you a couple hours before bedtime and demanded to know what you were doing.  “Just spending some quality time with my _favorite brother,”_ you said, wrapping an arm around Papyrus and grinning smugly at him.

“He did all his homework very quickly tonight!  We should get him a treat.”

“He’s... not a dog,” the old man said, looking incredulously at you.

“Says who,” said you.

“Is this a new game?”  Gaster smiled oddly.  “Can I play too?  C’mere, boy!”  He beckoned you in a manner that someone might use to beckon a dog, which must have been part of the game.

“You got a treat?”

“No, but I need your help downstairs.”

You were in a good enough mood that you followed him willingly downstairs.  Gaster said he was grateful that Papyrus seemed to be helping you.  “Yeah,” you said, “turns out you didn’t need to make me think he was against me.  Not sure why you thought that was necessary, but man, that was a stupid plan.  I live with the guy, you didn’t think I’d find out?”

“I must have gotten the wrong impression,” he said.

“Like hell.”

Gaster opened the door and ushered you inside.  “You want to be treated like a dog?” he said.  “You give me no choice but to punish you like a dog.”

“What.”

He closed the door softly.  You heard the lock click.  “Wait.”  You rattled the doorknob.  “Wait—!”

“Fill out your college applications before it gets too late,” he called.

“You gonna keep me locked in here until I get in?” you called back.  “Pretty sure that’s child abuse...”

He didn’t answer.  You faced the walls and paced the room and thought about smashing everything in here.  Then again, you might do what you did years ago and release toxic gas into the air and die.

So what.

So fucking what, you were ready.  What would he do if you were dead?  What would he do to Papyrus?  If you managed to get the man arrested, what would happen to Papyrus?

The hours dragged on, and you didn’t touch the applications.  You scratched absently at the back of your neck until you drew blood.  You kept scratching.  There was nothing else to do.  You dug into your skin for absolutely no reason at all.

You wore your hood up the next day, took your pills, and puked them back up.  Gaster caught you.  You thought he had left the house.  He threatened to keep you locked in the basement forever if he caught you at it again.

You couldn’t do anything, because of the constant thought wearing you down: What about Papyrus?  Your brain was too cloudy to think straight.  You got home, attempted to start the applications, hoping that might get you out of here sooner.  You couldn’t focus on anything.  You put the pen down, feeling dull.  You threw yourself down on the cot and tried to take a nap.  To get yourself moving, you pinched yourself.  It got you off the cot, but not past filling out your name.

You went to the bathroom to give yourself a break.  On a whim, you picked up a razor.  You’d held back before for Papyrus’s sake, but you didn’t care anymore.  The old man had control over your head, your friends, your brother, you at least had your own body.  He couldn’t force you not to cut yourself, at least he hadn’t yet.  You sliced until you broke through your skin.  It was satisfying to watch your own blood swirling down the drain.

“Suck it old man,” you whispered.

It felt exhilarating.  It gave you that rush of adrenaline that you missed.  You felt energized, you wanted to do _something,_ but there was nothing to do in the damn lab.  Anything but the applications.

Once the rush calmed down, it just hurt.  You wanted it to, but you weren’t expecting that degree of pain.  Toward the early hours of the morning, you decided to get started.

You kept your hands in your pockets for the next few days.  The weight of what you were doing distracted you— this wasn’t anything like you.  Cutting was for emo kids like the blue haired girl who played depressing songs on the guitar.  Not funny people like you— at least that’s the impression you got as a teenager.  You didn’t know back then that the majority of famous comedians suffered from depression.

You might have tried to run away, but you were too tired to do that.  You’d wait until you were ungrounded.  You knew what the old man’s motivation was, he wanted to break the stubbornness out of you.  You gave in and filled out all the applications and studied until you fell asleep.  Sometimes, it just wasn’t worth the fight.

“You know,” he commented one day, “I think you do better when you and your brother are separated.  I don’t know if it’s because he’s a bad influence, or if you’re just not as eager to antagonize me when he’s not around.”

“Then obviously you don’t know shit about Papyrus,” you said.  “He’s probably the only thing that’s keeping me from snapping your neck at this point.”

His eyes widened.  “That was sudden...”

“I don’t know what your definition of doing better is, but I don’t think it’s _this.”_  You decided to roll up your sleeve and rip off the bandages.  It was a really stupid impulse.

He blinked.  “What have you been doing to yourself...?”

“I can’t take this anymore.  It’s all I have to do in here.”

“That is an odd way of entertaining yourself...”  He furrowed his brow, examining your arm.  “Well, it doesn’t seem to be infected.”  He turned back to writing his reports.

“And you don’t even bat an eye...”

“And that’s exactly what you want, isn’t it.  You’ll do anything to get attention.”

“If I wanted attention I’da gone out and danced naked in the streets or something, not sliced my arm open.”

“If you were serious, you wouldn’t be jumping to show me.  Now that you realize it won’t work, will you stop?  It’s a very big health hazard.”

“I thought,” you muttered through your teeth, “you might give half a— I don’t know, after you’ve spent the past several years drugging me for mental crap that I don’t even have...  I thought...”  You smiled at him.  “Even after the tough time I’ve been giving you, there might be something inside that still... cared about me...?”

His expression shifted.  He put the pen down.  “So that’s what you wanted?” he said.  “To be friends again?”

Something in his voice was hopeful.  You replied by cursing him out and naming all the items in the lab he could shove up his ass.  

“JUST STOP!” he finally yelled.  “THIS ISN’T GETTING YOU ANYWHERE!  IT’S COMPLETELY ILLOGICAL AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS BEHAVIOR AT ALL!  WHAT ARE YOU EVEN HOPING TO ACCOMPLISH?”

“I wanna get the hell out of here.”

“YOU DESERVED TO BE LOCKED UP IN THE FIRST PLACE!  AT LEAST HERE, YOU ARE—”

“I wanna go to jail so I can get a break.”

You sounded like a little kid when you said that, and it took everything to not burst out crying like one.  “ENOUGH OF THIS!” Gaster shouted.  “You’re angry at me for not allowing you to drop out of school and smoke on street corners!  You’re trying to get pity out of me after getting yourself into trouble with the law!  What do you want me to do!  Let you run wild?!  DO YOU REALIZE HOW SELFISH YOU ARE BEING?”

As he spoke, you dug into your neck.  It had been weeks since you last cut your nails.  He told you he’d install cameras down here if he had to, and you weren’t getting out until you were accepted.

He’d had it with you.  Your antics didn’t amuse him anymore.  It was over for you, so you put all your effort into studying.  You overheard Papyrus asking if all that time spent in the basement was really healthy.  Papyrus suggested to the old man that he should let him take you out so he could keep an eye on you.  He’d prevent you from doing anything bad.  When Gaster saw that you were finally doing what he wanted, he agreed.

You were generously allowed to sleep in your own room again.  He asked you a few weeks later if you were still cutting.  He suggested that you might need more medicine.  You immediately said no.  “I knew you’d stop,” he said.  “You aren’t completely unreasonable.  Don’t do it again, it’s very dangerous.”

You didn’t bother telling Papyrus.  He’d just get worried and tell his dad.  He commented that he was shocked at your modesty when you went into the bathroom to change clothes.

No more pranks, no more smartass comments in class, you stayed low to save yourself the trouble of more discipline and more drugs.  Papyrus didn’t know what was wrong with you, but he seemed a little jealous that you had gotten into such a good school with such good grades after all that you’d pulled.

You made one last deal with Dr. Gaster.  If he wanted you to work for him, he’d have to let you change your last name.  The last thing you wanted was for everyone to know you were legally related.  He didn’t seem offended in the slightest; you were an adult who had the right to be called whatever you want.  He even helped you through every step of the long, grueling process.  Maybe he didn’t want to seem like he was related to you, either.

You don’t remember when you told Papyrus or how he found out, but he was disappointed that you didn’t share the same last name anymore.  You told him it was nothing personal.

You went off to college, leaving everything behind.  You hoped Papyrus would be able to do better without you.  You barely kept in touch with him while you were away.  At the very least, you weren’t alone.  Gaster got himself another assistant when you didn’t turn out to be as useful as he thought you’d be.

The fight had been completely drugged out of you.  You barely felt anything anymore.  Alphys finally asked why you didn’t just quit.  She had a point.  The doc no longer had legal custody over you, couldn’t you do whatever you wanted?  What did you have to lose?  You only had one friend left, your brother probably hated you, but if you quit now you could get yourself new friends.  It was unfortunate that you’d have to leave Alphys with the old man to be worked to death, but hell knew she’d do it.

You didn’t waste any time.  You approached him the very next day, ready to finally get the hell out of there.

“Finished the reports,” you told him, handing over a stack of papers.

“Good.”

“Oh yeah and also I quit.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You’re on your own starting tomorrow.  See you around.”

“And where do you plan to go?” he asked without missing a beat.

“I don’t know, and I don’t really care.  Anyway, it’s been real.  Thanks for the ride and all the pleasant memories.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Well then.  Guess I’ll start heading out now.”

“Good luck.”

“O...kay.”  Did he hear you?  Best not to push it.

“Before you leave, do you know where Alphys is?  She’s late.”

“No idea.”

“Oh well.  Listen.  I’m afraid I won’t be able to let you go, so don’t pack your bags tonight.  Let’s cut to the chase...  I have a lot of influence.  I didn’t want to resort to such low tactics, but it would take only a few words to make your brother’s life a living hell.”

Your eye twitched.  “Define _living hell.”_

“I could start by getting him expelled.  Getting kicked out of community college wouldn’t look very good for him.  I could destroy all his chances of getting a job, do you want to know how?”

“Haven’t I already proven to be, uh, a lot more trouble than I’m worth?  Not to throw your own words back in your face, but what’re you trying to accomplish?  Just get rid of me and make things easier on yourself.  For fuck’s sake, you have Alphys.  She’s a genius—”

“—Who does half your work for you, I know.  I can recognize the difference.  The difference between you and Alphys is that _she_ gives it her all while _you’re_ still holding out!  If you only gave it your all the way she does...  I still believe you have incredible capabilities, you only choose not to employ them.  I’ve tried everything to get it out of you.  And at this point, as much as I’d love to get rid of you, I can’t risk it.  You know too much.  I’ve stupidly told you more about my plans than anyone.”

So that was it, then.  “Is that why you decided to adopt two kids?” you asked.  “So you could hold the other one hostage?  That’s messed up, man.  The hell were you thinking anyway?  You coulda made things easier on yourself by just... hiring an assistant.”

Gaster paused.  You smiled at him and waited.  He avoided your eye.  “You want to know the real reason?” he said.  “I hadn’t planned it in advance.  It’s probably too far back for you to remember.  I had never thought about having children until I became old.”

“So it was for purely sentimental reasons?”

“Completely sentimental reasons,” he answered.  “Illogical reasons...  I met you, and I must say, I saw myself in you.  I was not so different from you when I was your age.  I was far into adulthood before I began to dream big.  But... I was also stubborn.  I also disliked authority.  Once I gave up entirely on the idea of starting a family... I took a liking to the child that I met.  Sans, if you’d believe it, I really did want to protect you.”

“Maybe you shoulda read a few more parenting books.”

“Maybe I should have.  I will admit, I did not know what I was doing.  But I wanted to be friends, you know.  I tried to appeal to you.  You didn’t want to be separated from your best friend.  I hoped that having him around would make you more comfortable.  But you acted... differently when you were around him.”

“Let’s clear the air, and you go ahead and admit you couldn’t give two shits if he dropped dead this second.”

“That’s what you’ve been trying to get me to admit nearly all your life!” Gaster cried.  You flinched, because he didn’t sound angry.  He sounded... frustrated.  “I wouldn’t have admitted it back then, because it was not true!  But I don’t know if you expected me to have a relationship with him or not—  When all you ever did was threaten me under your breath—  All you did was accuse me of pretending.  It made it very difficult for me to see him as anything but an obstacle!  Did you expect that I would grow to like him eventually?”

Your heart pounded.  You were so _stupid,_ how didn’t you see it before...?  “Okay, so I was a bit of an idiot—”

“I never wanted you to be miserable!  I hoped that I would grow old with you discussing fiction and theories until my life was spent.  You were interested at first— I had so many hopes.  I don’t blame you for being difficult, I blame myself for being unprepared.  And thinking I could handle two children at once.  If only it was just you...  Can you imagine?  If only that brat hadn’t been in the picture, you wouldn’t have had any reason to act so defiant!  You wouldn’t have grown up with the delusion that you were your brother’s keeper and _I_ was his worst enemy!”

“So that was it,” you sighed.  “You just wanted a friend.  And you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into.”

“I had the power to get rid of him, you think I didn’t have the power to get _you_ to come with me?  I could have taken you kicking and screaming if I wanted to, but I didn’t.  I got your best friend back for you!  I gave you a home with him!  I spoiled you rotten!  I spoiled... I spoiled that _buffoon_ rotten for you!  And nothing I ever did made a dent in your attitude!”

“Alright.”  You walked over to him.  “I get it now.  Didn’t know you felt that way.  To be honest...”  You rubbed your neck.  “I’ll admit, I was a bit of an asshole.  All those things I said to you.  You may not have always done the right thing, but you tried your best, didn’t you?”

“Yes...”  His eyes were downcast.  He looked like he really did regret something.

“Hey, that’s more than I can say for myself.  You’ve spent years getting your feelings hurt and your efforts completely unappreciated.  That’s gotta be hard.  I’m... really sorry about that.”

Gaster sighed.  “Does this mean you’re finally coming around?”

“Huh... maybe I am.  I knew you never liked Papyrus, but I guess not everyone’s meant to get along.”

“I don’t hate him...”

“I get it.  I never gave you the chance to like him.  Don’t blame yourself, that’s completely my fault.  I just wanna say, I... really appreciate everything you just said.  It’s nice that you finally decided to be honest.  Maybe, if it’s not too late...  Wanna turn over a new leaf?”

You held out your hand.  Gaster stared blankly at it.  He asked if you meant it.  Then he smiled.  “I know all your tricks.  You can’t fool me.  If I shake your hand, I’m going to get shocked, aren’t I?”

“Nope.  I got nothing hidden in it.”

He hesitated, then reached for your hand.  You grabbed it firmly, gripped it tight, closed your left hand into a fist, and punched him straight in the balls.

The sound he made was priceless.  While he was distracted, you knocked his chair to the floor.  

“Geeettttttt—” you kicked— “dunked on!!”  You kicked and stomped all over his body while he did nothing but writhe and whimper.  You had an advantage— he thought you were weak.  He could have easily tripped you, but all he did was cower and cover his face.

“I don’t think you know anything about me at all,” you said, “if you actually fell for that!”

“I will— call— your brother’s school—!”

“Gimme a fucking break old man—”

You dropped to the ground, grabbed him by the hair, and delivered a satisfying punch to his jaw.  It wasn’t that your attacks were strong, but they were fast.  He couldn’t dodge them, he couldn’t hit you back, and his reflexes were slow anyway.  You’d never felt more alive before.

Suddenly, the door opened as your fist was drawn back.

Alphys walked inside, froze, then turned around and walked right back out.

You let go of the old doc and backed away.  “Well, glad we both got our feelings out in the open—”

“You are going to regret this,” he seethed, grabbing the desk to steady himself, wiping blood from his nose.

“I regret it already.”

You wouldn’t call what you did a mistake, but from then on, you lived in constant fear for as long as he was still alive.  As a warning, he didn’t do anything to Papyrus, but he messed around with your meds.  At least, that’s what you figured when you woke up feeling sick and lightheaded.  If you stopped taking the medicine, you’d go into withdrawal.

“Remember,” he would whisper at odd moments, “if your brother drops dead of mysterious causes, you’ll know whose fault it is.”

“What if _I_ drop dead of mysterious causes,” you asked.  “Better yet, what do you plan to do about me when you’re dead?”

“I don’t care, you can go off and do whatever you want.”

You wondered if he had something in store.  Planning ahead to somehow ruin your life after his death.  You figured at this point he knew about your depression, but he was leaving it specifically untreated.  It’d be easier on him if you could off yourself instead of letting him stage an accidental death for you.

That could have just been a guess, but knowing the old man, it was entirely likely.

There was only one way out for you, and that was to wait for him to die.

☠ ☠ ☠

If he still had a voice, he would have been screaming.  Alphys screamed for him.  She screamed and screamed, Gaster signed desperate instructions, and she got moving, desperately trying to save him.  You didn’t move.  You’d claim it was shock, but for then, you just wanted to make sure the old man saw you smiling.  You wanted your triumphant grin to be the last thing he ever saw.

Let him think you murdered him.

It wasn’t triumph at all, because you didn’t do anything.  But in a few minutes, there was only a gooey mess where he stood.  It was beautiful.  You spat in it when you were sure no one was looking.

Alphys was panicking.  Her gasping vaguely registered in your ears—   _Hey, Alphys, it’s okay,_ you thought.  But you couldn’t articulate words.  It just came out as choked laughter.

You didn’t feel like you won, you felt relieved more than anything.  You wanted to be the one to announce the news to Papyrus, but in retrospect, you’re glad it wasn’t you.  He rushed right over.  You practically jumped on him as soon as you saw him.  It had been so long since you last saw him.  And there was nothing to worry about now.

“He’s dead,” you whispered to him over and over while you held him tightly.  It was finally, _finally_ over.

He asked if you were okay.  You said you were great.  Again, it must have been shock, everyone thought.  Alphys was as distraught as anyone would expect.  She kept saying that it was all her fault, even though you were the one who wasn’t moving.

You didn’t know what to do with yourself over the next few days.  Papyrus did his best to organize a pathetic little funeral.  Not a whole lot of people showed up.  Alphys wasn’t there.  Asgore came to pay his respects, though.  You’d only seen the guy a couple times, but even though he didn’t know him, he gave Papyrus a warm hug and told him that his father was a great man who made groundbreaking contributions to science.

He looked in your direction and awkwardly commented, “I think your brother is crying.”

He must you mistakened your low-pitched giggling for sobs.  He came over to comfort you, saying your father wouldn’t go forgotten, and you interrupted him mid sentence.

“Asgore.  Buddy.  It’s okay, I hated his guts.”

“Oh,” he said.  He didn’t say anything else.

While people made speeches, you couldn’t stop bursting into hysterical fits of laughter.  Finally, Papyrus dragged you outside and told you if you couldn’t try to act respectful just this once, you could go home.  You left Papyrus alone and went to get a drink.

He came home exhausted and heartbroken.  He had been grateful at first to have you back, but naturally he wished you’d be more supportive.  He didn’t have his only family left to get him through the hardest time in his life, that must have been tough.  It didn’t help that you lazed around smiling while everyone else got to clean up the mess Gaster had left behind.

You didn’t go to school, you couldn’t even if you wanted to.  You felt sick and weak.  You sure as hell weren’t going to swallow those pills anymore, and the withdrawal was starting to take affect.

Papyrus left you to your own devices and didn’t give you a hard time until he came home on a particularly bad day.  He told you there wasn’t very much that the man left in the way of inheritance.  You vaguely listened.  He said the Dreemurrs offered to help out in any way that they could.  You said that was nice.

“Sans...” he said.

“What.”

He dropped his head in his hands.  “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

“Ha, took him long enough.”

“And it feels like I’ve lost you, too!  I understand you have still not recovered from the accident, and with my understanding, I’m doing my best to tolerate the awful things you say!”

“Ha... heh heh...”  For the first time, you felt bad about how you’d been acting.  “It must be really confusing to see me this way...  You deserve an explanation.  I’m happy because the guy was abusive as hell.”

That sure was a heavy bomb to drop.  You weren’t subtle, you spilled everything at once, telling Papyrus about all his threats and how Gaster couldn’t give a crap about him.  “He’s been _using you,”_ you said, clinging onto his shirt, “and you _miss_ him.  That’s fucked up!  He’s been using you to get at me this whole time—”

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS!”  Papyrus put his fingers in his ears and sang at the top of his voice.

“But...  It’s great!  We can do whatever we want now!”

“I’M NOT LISTENING!”

“I couldn’t tell you any of this before, he would’ve killed you!”

“Even if _any_ of this were true, he is dead now!  It doesn’t matter!”

“He was a prized bastard—”

“YOU NEVER GAVE HIM A CHANCE!” Papyrus cried.  “HE DID HIS BEST ALL THE TIME TRYING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, AND YOU NEVER STOPPED GIVING HIM A HARD TIME!”

“Please...  Papyrus, listen to me.”

You clung tighter.  “NO!” he shouted.

“He would have killed you—”

“YOU’RE INSANE!”

“That’s right...”  You let go of him.  You clutched your head and laughed.  “This wasn’t even why I never told you!  Guess it never would have made a difference anyway, it was just—  Ha... haha, it was always pointless!”

“Are you... _happy_ about this?  Is _that_ why you’re laughing?”

“Yes!”  You kept laughing.  “And— guess what!  It doesn’t— even matter!  You’re free either way—”  Tears were forming.  You couldn’t stop.  You doubled over cackling.  Finally, you heard a slap and a slight sting woke you up.  You stopped mid-laugh and brought your hand to your face.  It felt hot.  Papyrus’s hand was held up— it trembled.

“I’m... sorry,” he said.  “I didn’t know how else to snap you out of it—”

“That’s right,” you muttered.  You grinned in utter delight.  “Thats right, you can hit me all you want!  Hit me again bro, make it hurt this time!”

Papyrus refused.  He shook his head and alternated between apologizing and calling you crazy.  Finally, he demanded, “Did you take your meds this morning?”

“Nope.  Haven’t swallowed a pill since our old man died.”

“So that’s why you’re acting like this!  I knew there had to be a reasonable explanation!  Go take your pills— it’s been days!”

“You know what, fuck you.  You’ve got your head so far up your ass you can’t see the truth.”

Papyrus looked like he had been punched in the gut.  “You don’t need me around...” you said.  You were being an ass.  Again.  You didn’t even have the same last name, he didn’t need to have any ties to you anymore.  “I’m getting out of here.”

You walked past him to the door.  “When will you be back?” he asked.

“Go to hell,” you replied.

“Wh—”  You strode outside.  “I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!” he screamed.

“Heh.  Ditto.”

You relished the feeling of the breeze on your face as you walked away.  You hadn’t left the yard when Papyrus burst out of the house and came after you with all your pills in a bag.  “You can’t leave without these—”

“Flush ‘em down the toilet.”

“You’re going to get sick again!  It’s too dangerous!”

You changed your mind and swiped the bag.  You could sell these for good money.  You wandered around with no destination in mind.  You got pretty far before you collapsed in some nice comfortable alleyway and blended in with the trashbags.  It was pretty hard to move your body.  You thought everything would better once Gaster was gone, but you felt like you were dying, and you had just destroyed your relationship with your brother forever.

It took him a couple days to find you.  He took you to the hospital right away, and you stayed there without any idea of how much time was passing.  You told him you were sorry.  For god’s sake, the kid had just lost his father.  You kept apologizing for how you had acted.  He said he forgave you.  He didn’t mean what he said about never wanting to see you again.  He just wanted you to be okay.

The thing you remember most for some reason was sweating buckets.  You left stains all over the bedsheets— it was pretty gross.

You managed to survive that.  Even though you were still feeling sick and sluggish, you wanted to leave the Capital right away.  You were leaving with or without Papyrus.  He came with you, probably because he was afraid you would do something stupid again.  He was in the middle of grieving, you decided, so you didn’t bring up any sore subjects again.  You didn’t want to make things even harder for him than you already did.

He changed his name with you, you’re not entirely sure why.  He said that “Papyrus Bones” had a nice ring to it.  “Now Sans Bones.  That does not have any rhythm at all,” he said.

You settled down in Snowdin, and you took care of selling the house back in the Capital.  Then, you went house-hunting and found a nice little place with two floors and two bedrooms.  Papyrus thought it was great.  “There’s even a guest bedroom!” he commented.

“You mean the smaller room?”

“Yes!  It’s perfect!”

“That’s my room,” you said.

“What?  Then, where will the guests sleep?”

“On the couch.  Or the garage.  Sure they’ll manage.”

Once a man reaches a certain age, he needs his own space.  Papyrus took care of decorating the place, stringing up christmas lights outside and hanging up artwork inside.  The house kept him distracted for a while.  He seemed his usual cheerful self again.

You didn’t want to drag him down.  All that stuff about his dad— none of that could affect him anymore.  You’d let him stay happy.  You doubt he’d have pushed you away like that if he were a little calmer.  So you’d hold off that talk for a while.

You held it off for weeks.  The weeks grew into years, and you’ve still been pushing it off.

☠ ☠ ☠

 _*hey tori_  
_*howve you been_  
_*its been a while since we talked_  
_*anyway ive been doing good_  
_*id give it about a 7_  
_*i think the meds are working_  
_*yep i started going on_  
_*antidepressans_  
_*thought i noticed a difference after about 2 weeks but i figured i should give it more time_  
_*didnt wanna jump to conclusions but i guess it actually worked_  
_*i know i cant believe it either_  
_*i guess it was the right choice after all_  
_*it wasnt my first choice seeing as i didnt exactly have the best experience with medication in the past_  
_*wasnt with antidepressants though it was just a horrific case of malpractice_  
_*but yeah_  
_*im glad my bro pushed me into it_  
_*wow i dont think youve ever been away from the phone this long_  
_*hope youre doing well_  
_*hey ive been thinking_  
_*its been a while and weve never made any official plans_  
_*am i ever gonna see you?_

 

You stare at the screen for a few seconds, then put it back in your pocket.  That woman always texts back right away, she deserves a break.  You hope she’s doing something fun.

It’s been two days now.  Whatever Toriel’s up to, you’re glad she decided to start up once your mental health was actually starting to improve.  After a week, you’ll let yourself worry.  Two days is nothing.

From the stand, you contentedly watch a couple kids playing hotscotch.  It’s like hopscotch, but they play the game balancing hotdogs on their heads.

You were apprehensive about going on meds again, but of all the things the man drugged you for, depression was never on the list.

You finally had that talk with Papyrus.  Everyone was pushing you to do it, first Toriel, then Undyne, and finally Papyrus himself asked what had gone on between you and Gaster.  You tried to dodge it, but Papyrus reminded you of your pact of honesty and said that he wanted to know everything.  He had been tiptoeing around the subject as much as you had been, but he didn’t want to stay ignorant any longer.

You were afraid of that talk, but once you got right down to it, it felt like you were telling someone else’s story.  You told Papyrus about the threats, the abuse, how he pretty much raised you to be his slave and tried to guilt-trip you years later.  “To be fair,” you said, “I gave him a really hard time...”

Papyrus shook his head and said that was no reason for him to treat you the way he did.  He seemed very troubled when you brought up the self-harming.  He remembered the way you suddenly started leaving the room to get dressed.  It struck him as odd at the time.

“I should have done something sooner...” he said.

“Nothing, not a single thing that happened, was your fault.”

“I thought you were lazy!  I’d never suspected anything was going on that I couldn’t see—”

“Yeah.  Me and the doc.  We were both pretty good at keeping secrets.”

He kept listening.  It seemed many times like he wanted to interrupt, but he always stopped himself.  Even when you mentioned the things you said, the rude snappish remarks, even when you laughed about beating him up, Papyrus didn’t jump to his defense.  He might have been struggling not to, but he let you get it all out first.

Despite everything, you still couldn’t bring yourself to tell him just how useless Gaster thought he was.  You couldn’t do that to him.  This was already upsetting enough.

“Well,” you said.

“Well?”

“I’m done.  How about that.  How’d you enjoy tonight’s bedtime story.”

He frowned.  You stopped smiling.  “Sorry I had to break it to you,” you said.  “I uh... really didn’t want to.  It can’t be easy.  Finding out someone you trusted wasn’t the best person.”

“I don’t know... I think...  He had _some_ good in him, even if he wasn’t a good dad.  He did care about you once...  But even so, it didn’t have to be at your expense!  You didn’t... deserve any of that.”

“You okay?” you asked.

Papyrus groaned.  You sighed.  Before you could apologize again, he said he was very glad you told him.  It wasn’t easy to hear, but he needed to hear it.  Wasn’t something supposed to come out of this? you wondered.  “I want you to see a doctor,” Papyrus said.  “A proper doctor, who knows what he’s doing!”

You told him you didn’t think you could afford it.  Papyrus told you that if his education was getting in the way of your mental health, it wasn’t worth it.  He wasn’t proud of letting you neglect your health for so long.  It isn’t anyone’s fault, he made sure to mention, not mine or yours, so none of that matters.  But if you really couldn’t pay for a doctor, he said, he’d start working on weekends.

You knew how much his time with Undyne means to him, so you quickly told him you’d come up with something.

You started your new job first.  You wound up selling your trombone to buy a laptop.  The day you got an offer to buy it, you played it for hours.  Papyrus banged on your door yelling at you to stop that racket until you told him the trombone would be gone tomorrow.  You hadn’t really practiced since high school, so naturally, it sounded terrible.  Papyrus went out and bought a small cake as a token of consolation.  You shared a sad moment as you ate cake and packed the trombone away.

“I do have some good news!” Papyrus announced.  He said that his school, there’s free counselling.  So he’s been going there instead of driving Undyne crazy.

“Oh my god...” you muttered.  “You probably need a freaking therapist at this point...”

“Well, fortunately I have very good friends and a positive attitude!”

“Soon as we have money again, I’m getting you therapy.”

You like your new job.  You get to work from home and choose your hours as long as you log them every week.  You work late at night and the early hours of the morning when you can’t sleep.  You get weekends off, too.  You spent your first free weekend sleeping.  Your friends at Grillby’s don’t see you as often as they used to, but when you do see them, you get to hang out as long as you want.  You’d forgotten what it was like to eat and sit back and not worry about wiping grease off the table.  That’s someone else’s job now.

Your friends haven’t changed one bit.  It’s a relief after all the change you’ve been going through at home.

On Sundays, you hide in your room or behind the house to avoid Undyne, who’s unfortunately bent on murdering you after the note you left Alphys.  Every time she comes over, Papyrus hurries out the door very quickly.  No need to stay and make breakfast, he says, I already ate!  Oh look at the time.

So that’s one issue that hasn’t been solved, but hell, you never expected to fix everything all at once.  They can’t all be winners.

You have your low days, days where you can do nothing but sleep or lie in bed wishing you could sleep, but overall, you can’t believe how good things have gotten.

You’re back on your feet.  Both in the literal and metaphorical sense—  You’re finally off the crutches, even though you still have a heavy limp.  Papyrus thinks you should see a doctor about your physical health too, but you both agree that your mental health takes priority at the moment.

There’s something that almost makes you reconsider everything and panic—  The striped kid makes a visit again.  They walk up to the kids playing hotscotch.  You watch as they hand over what looks like money.  They’re actually interacting with a person—  Could you be imagining it?  You’re sure that you are in fact imaginating when they put the hotdog on their head and join with the other kids for a round of hotscotch.

☠ ☠ ☠

_*Oh dear, I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you!_  
_*It’s so good to hear you have been well._

_*its ok tori not like we ever had any agreement_

_*Yes, I know, but I do not like to leave you hanging._  
_*You have come such a long way!  I am very proud of you.  ]:)_

_*thanks but whats with the bracket before the smiley faces_

_*To show that I am a horned demon creature from hell!  ]:D_

_*...why_

_*Because I am evil!  ] >:)_

_*and im dead ☠_

_*I still do not quite understand your fondness for skeleton puns._  
_*After all this time, I feel as though this is something I should have figured out by now._

_*i never told you?_

_*I believe you said something along the lines of, “its because im a fucking skeleton.”_

_*heh_  
_*alright first i gotta question for you_  
_*did you used to be a nurse?_

_*No.  Why do you ask?_

_*ok heres the story_  
_*it all started a long time ago in a galaxy far far away...._  
_*back in the NINETIES_

_*No way!  Is this an ancient folktale?_

_*its not quite famous enough to be a folktale but_  
_*lets set the scene_  
_*a hospital, lots of white_  
_*with a weird looking potato in one of the beds_  
_*the potato’s name was sans_  
_*anyway_  
_*i used to break a lot of bones.  more than i do now.  it was_  
_*much worse when i was a kid_  
_*i was pretty miserable_  
_*now this was a long time ago.  i didnt have the sense of humor that i had today.  i must have been around 5 years old_  
_*so im sitting there skulking in bed with a broken knee or something_  
_*and this nurse comes in and sees im not happy_  
_*so she says, “let me patella you a story.”_  
_*and for some reason, i thought that was hilarious.  we sat there laughing our asses off_  
_*and i had gotten so many x-rays i knew the human skeletal system basically by heart_  
_*so i began telling HER puns_  
_*it was totally new.  turning something really bad into something funny_  
_*from then on, whenever i got hurt id make a joke about it_  
_*papyrus never got it. he just thought it was morbid_  
_*but it worked for me when i was 5, and it still works today_  
_*laughing with people over stupid things.  its the best_  
_*thats why_  
_*you kind of remind me of her_

_*Sans, was she your first love?_

_*yes that was my baby crush_

_*Have you ever been in love since then?_

_*wow what a personal question.  id have to say no_  
_*my heart belongs to the nurse with the skeleton puns_

_*That is a lovely story.  I think you should write a children’s book._  
_*It might even help some children cope._

_*you really think so?_  
_*youre really something tori i dont know a single other person whod tell me to write a childrens book_

_*Well, I am serious about it!_  
_*I think I will get started on finding you an illustrator.  I can already see the pictures.  They are beautiful._  
_*...A white hospital, a slight breeze coming through the open window, a lone child lying in a bed with a cast on his leg..._  
_*I am very excited about this._

_*tori no this is a personal story_

_*Now I am attempting to imagine you as a child._  
_*I cannot picture you wearing any expression aside from the smug grins you have shown me... what a shame._

_*youre missing out i was the hottest baby_

_*Like hell._

_*you doubt me_

_*No, I mean you were hot, like hell!_  
_*Because hell is literally on fire!  ]:U_

_*you are funny toriel_

_*Sans, I’ve been meaning to tell you what I have been up to lately._

_*oh yeah whatve you been up to lately_

_*Do you remember how I mentioned that I had always wanted to become a teacher?_  
_*Well, have just applied to college!_  
_*I never did get my degree.  I left early to start a family._

_*wait youre a college dropout too??_

_*I left to start a home!_

_*and i left because i didnt feel like it were basically the same person_

_*] >:/_  
_*At the time, my marriage was more important to me than anything.  So I put my dreams on hold to fulfil my bigger dream._  
_*Unfortunately, that story did not have the happiest of endings... but I am tired of hiding out._  
_*I am tired of treated my life as though it is over._  
_*I do call myself old, but perhaps that is an exaggeration..._  
_*I am still young enough to pursue my dreams._  
_*If I cannot be a mother, I would still like to teach._

_*wow_  
_*i cant believe it_  
_*look at us.  giving ourselves second chances.  starting over._

_*I have you to thank._  
_*Sans, you have inspired me._  
_*For someone who claims to be not a hardworking person by nature, seeing you work so hard to get better... it made me think._  
_*Because I do not consider myself to be sluggish, or lazy, but I had a long talk with myself._  
_*I realized that I am a coward._  
_*Hiding away from people, pretending to be useful by donating to organizations and baking pies... I have been fooling myself._  
_*I want to live again._  
_*I am going to leave the house this summer.  Instead of taking classes online, I have to learn how to face the world again._  
_*Otherwise, it would be a very difficult transition.  From isolation into the classroom..._  
_*I am going to take a semester of summer courses away from home, then I will see how I feel about leaving this house for good._

_*tori_  
_*we rock_

_*] >;)_  
_*This means, of course, that we have an official date now!_  
_*The semester ends on August the first.  After that I am free to travel._

_*how many months away is august_

_*You sure are eager!_  
_*About five months, I think?_  
_*I will need to know where you live, of course._

_*cant tell you that_

_*Wasn’t that the idea...?_

_*sorry but this is standard internet safety_  
_*i gotta make sure youre not a pedophile_  
_*...who preys on adults_

_*Oh.  How do I prove I am not a pedophile?_

_*well for starters..._  
_*youre not gonna like this, but you have to be willing to show your face_  
_*and to make sure its really your face and not some nice lady you got off stock images..._  
_*well need some sort of video chatting system_  
_*facetime, skype, your pick_

_*Standard internet safety.  Well, I agree with you.  And I am glad you have decided to be safe._  
_*Oh how will an old woman like me learn how to skype?  I have never gotten the hang of this new technology._

_*ill walk you through it_

 

It takes Toriel two hours to download Skype, because she keeps forgetting her password, and she’s only downloaded books before.  Your excitement dwindles away as she keeps stalling.  Finally, her contact request pops up.

Toriel Memer would like to add you as a contact.  You accept her request and let her be the one to make the call.

The camera shows a blank stretch of wall.  Suddenly, it shakes, and oh god the lag is terrible.  “Hello?” Toriel’s voice calls.

“Uh, where are you?”

The view switches quickly to a giant pixelated purple blob.  It keeps shaking.  “You wanna try... putting the camera down?  On a desk or something?”

“Forgive me— I cannot—”  Her voice cuts off.  “—darned camera—”

Suddenly, the camera falls on the ground.  She picks it up, and you find yourself looking at a pattern on her dress.  “Can you see me?”

“No...”

“Well it’s—”  The camera freezes.  “—to see you—”

“How old is your webcam?”

“Wait, let me— something— does this work?”

The camera shuts off.  “Toriel, that did the opposite of work.”

“I cannot— hang of it—”

“Try, uh, turning the camera back on.”

“Oh no, I do not think it works.”

“Okay, Tori...  I think I can trust by now you’re not a pedophile who preys on grown men.”

“Is that not simply called a pervert?”

“This is kind of annoying so, I’m gonna hang up.”

“Perhaps we could— another time when—”

“Goodbye, Tori.”

You hang up and call her cell phone.  “Well that was kind of a bust.”

“It was very nice to see your face again.  You somehow seemed more alive.”

“That’s because I was moving.”

“Right.  Well, that was fascinating.”

“Welp.  Guess the meeting’s officially on.  I live in Snowdin.”

“Snowdin, you say?  Could you spell that, please?”

“It’s like ‘snowed in,’” you say, “but without the E.”

“Oh.  I believe that is rather close to where I will be staying!  Can I have your address?”

You give it to her.  “This isn’t some elaborate prank, is it?” you ask.  “Just so you can send me an envelope full of glitter or something?”

“That is not a bad idea!  And I am going to assume you are not pranking me either?  It would make me extremely nervous to find myself at a stranger’s door.”

“Nah, that’s just plain cruel.  This visit thing, it’s going to happen.”

“Promise?”

“Pinky promise?” you suggest.

“Oh.”  Toriel laughs, that perfect light, clear laugh.  “Of course!  On your word.”

You link your pinkies together.  “It’s a promise.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those tumblr anons I got suggesting all the pranks. They were brilliant and I know I didn't use all my favorites but I'd like to. And christmeme for the name "Toriel Memer."
> 
> Note: I wrote Sans punching Gaster in the balls to Megalovania. Of course I did.
> 
> Second note: The emo kid with the blue hair that Sans mentions is a reference to Lapis in Inferior Blue. If only they had gotten to know each other, seeing as they're both depressed musicians who love pranks and fart noises. They should start a band.
> 
> What is Sans's new job? Idk, something to do with computers... coding or some shit...
> 
> Even more importantly what the hell was Gaster even trying to do? Heck if I know honestly i dont write plots i write aANGST
> 
> Ah, my little Sansy has come so far. It'd be weird even for me to go back and read Feeling Bonely from the very beginning.


	18. Graduating Class of 201X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Sans is progressively getting better, he finds that he's neglected to ask his brother how he's doing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made up this chapter on the spot, really most of it was completely unplanned. But I wrote it for my friend Bay, who was very concerned about Papyrus. I had to take care of the cinnamon roll before moving on, because shit's been rough on him.

You mark the day with another X and stick the marker back on the wall.  You’ve told Papyrus that you’ve started counting down to his graduation again, but for happier reasons this time.  The calendar is right up on your wall, so it doesn’t exactly look grim and suspicious.  Each month is decorated with a different skeleton, and each page has different skeleton facts.

The calendar came in the mail about a week ago.  It included a handwritten note— no return address, no name.  There was a label on the package that said, “Not an envelope full of glitter.”  It took you days to find it, because you never check your mail.  You’ll have to rectify that.

Papyrus asks who the package is from.  You tell him it’s from a secret admirer.  You’re not lying in the slightest— Toriel is a secret and she must hold... well, some level of admiration, at least for your puns.  She didn’t exactly make it a mystery, since her letter was signed, “Sincerely, your pun-pal.”

There’s a lot Papyrus doesn’t know.  For one thing, he doesn’t know that you’re counting past June.  You haven’t circled the date August 3rd, but you don’t exactly need to.  You’ll never forget that date.  Toriel will have a day to rest up before she travels to Snowdin.  Even though you’d rather see her as soon as she’s done with the semester, you still asked if she’d like to go home first.  Toriel said no.  She doesn’t want to put it off either.  This is her summer of coming out of her shell.  She says that another week at home will just make her restless.  She’s been getting restless already.

 

_*I wish I had signed up on time to take online classes this spring.  
*I was a couple months too late..._

_*aw youre never too late_  
_*i mean idk if this is the best example but being a couple years behind never stopped papyrus_  
_*hes been working harder than ever_

_*I can’t wait to meet him!_

_*holy shit thats right  
*youre gonna meet papyrus_

_*I will!_  
_*I also want to meet his attractive young lady friend and get her salad recipes._  
_*And perhaps if I meet her in person, I will figure out who she reminds me of.  Because she definitely reminds me of someone, I simply cannot put my finger on it._

_*ok that might be hard considering she wants my head on her wall_  
_*detached from my body that is_  
_*dont ask its a long story that began when i tested out chemical reactions with her girlfriend_

_*Sans, did you steal her woman?_

_*well ok most of what we did was write reports and_  
_*wow yeah totally_  
_*i steal everyones girl_  
_*i mean heck stuffing each others faces with popato chisps and guzzling redbull to stay awake for several days straight.  thats pretty romantic_

_*Please tell me more._

_*long story short in 5 words i may have brought an early death upon myself_

_*What were those words?_

_*mew mew kissy cutie sucks_

_*...After a brief visit with Dr. Google, I have learned... nothing.  
*I see what appears to be girls... with garishly large eyes and bosoms._

_*toriel dont you see  
*its art_

_*It looks disgusting._

_*if youre gonna meet my brothers attractive young lady friend you better not say that_

_*So can you set aside your differences, at least for my sake?_

_*ok ill throw away my second letter_

_*Oh dear.  Is this another 5 destructive words?_

_*how did you guess  
*mew mew 2 was better_

_*I do not know what in God’s name that means, but please do not say that.  I get the feeling it would be a terrible mistake._  
_*Why are you doing this?  I thought you had decided that your life was worth living._  
_*I have only seen this woman in pictures, but she has impressive biceps._

_*you noticed her biceps_

_*Yes I did!_

_*toriel thats so gay_

_*Sans, I have a question.  
*Is is YOU who is gay?_

_*oh snap_

_*Do not worry, I will not allow anyone to murder you while I am visiting.  I will protect you if it means getting to meet all of your friends!  
*Including that funny drunk bunny you mention!_

_*thats gonna be fun  
*i cant believe youre really gonna meet everyone_

_*Have you told Papyrus I am visiting?_

_*nah i  
*havent even told him you exist_

_*Oh?  Why ever not?_

_*guess it hasnt come up yet_  
_*its ok youll surprise him_  
_*he loves surprises_

 

The real reason you’ve never told Papyrus about Toriel is stupid.  You could barely even believe she was real.  You’ve had some subconscious fear, probably, that if you told anyone about her... she’d disappear.  Like a good dream.  Because having someone like her in your life seems too good to be true.

Now, at least, you have physical proof that she exists.  You’ve been holding onto all the proof you can get— the calendar, her note, and the picture of her hand.  If you’re having a bad day, you’re able to pull out that picture of Toriel’s hand giving you encouragement.  The hand tells you only one thing about her appearance: either she is very pale, or the lighting was bad.  

You hope she’s short.

☠ ☠ ☠

You forget that it’s sunday.  You wake up bright and early and drag yourself into the kitchen for a bowl of dry cereal when you see her there, tall and imposing as ever.  Flipping pancakes.  You turn right around to go back to bed.

“Not so fast.”

Undyne picks you up by the hood and plops you down into a chair.  “Nice to see you,” she says, flashing her fangs.  “You wanna pancake?”

“I would love a pancake.”

The pancakes are blackened on both sides.  Looks like Undyne just decided that the stove ban’s over.  “Is this poisoned?”

“Listen punk, if I were gonna kill you, I’d do it directly.  With my own two hands.”

“So what’s with the favor?” you ask, drizzling on a thick helping of maple syrup.

Undyne takes a seat and eyes the stairs.  “Have you seen Papyrus this morning?”

“Nah.”

“He didn’t come to answer the door.”

You look toward the stairs.  Your first thought is that the kid in the striped shirt got to him, but that’s stupid.  You should assume he overslept before assuming he was murdered.  “How’d you get in?”

“That’s not important.”

“Do I have to replace the door.”

Undyne rests her head in her fist.  “I don’t think he’s gone.  I think he’s still in his room.  He’s just... very tired.”

“Uhh... did you try waking him up?”

“No, I feel bad.”

“But...”  This is completely new.  “Isn’t he like... always up at 6am to go jogging?  When does Papyrus get tired?”

“Anyone’s gonna get tired if they work that hard.  He doesn’t take any breaks.  It’s not normal, and it’s not healthy either.  I wonder if he’s finally crashing.  Does... that guy ever sleep?”

“Well, he’s always in his room after midnight—”

“But is he—  Fuck.  I can’t do this again.  I’m not... your freaking babysitter...”  Undyne sighs and rubs her eye.  “I’ll just say...  He’s glad you’re getting better, but you could... y’know, ask _him_ how he’s doing once in a while.”

You jab a finger at the door.  “Y’sure you don’t want me to wake him—”

Papyrus’s door crashes open and he comes bounding down the stairs.  “GOOD MORNING SANS AND UNDYNE!  I’M AMAZED THAT WITHOUT ME TO MEDIATE, NO ONE’S DONE A VIOLENCE!”

“Indoor voice, Pap,” you say.

He piles a couple pancakes on his plate and smiles cheerfully.  “So you’re friends again!”

“Best friends,” you add, grinning at Undyne.  “Me ’n Undies—”

“Dude, I have _so many_ reasons to kill you right now.  For one thing, _guess what_ Papyrus accidentally called me at the center last week!”

“Papyrus, really?”

“AND GUESS WHAT ALL THE KIDS ARE CALLING ME NOW!”

“Indoor voice, Undies,” you say.

“Listen.”  Undyne jabs a finger into your chest.  “Don’t fucking push it.”

“It was an accident,” Papyrus supplies.

“Hey, first time was an accident when I said it too.”

“I just don’t have the heart to shred you into little smiling pieces right now...”  Undyne watches as Papyrus devours the pancakes in a matter of seconds.  “You ready to go?”

“I think so.  I did not get up in time to shower this morning...”

“Aw, that’s okay.  Only obsessive freaks shower every day!  Cmon, we’re already late!”

Papyrus and Undyne walk to the door.  “What’s on the schedule today?” you ask them.

“First we’re gonna help out at the center,” says Undyne.  “Then, we’re going skydiving without parachutes!”

“And then we train?” asks Papyrus hopefully.

“Ha, if we’re not dead by then!  But well, in all seriousness, do you really think you’re gonna wanna train after all that...?”

“Why, do you not think _you_ can do it?”

“Ngahhh, I could take you on in my sleep!”

“Good luck kids,” you call, giving them a little wave.  “Give him back in one piece, ‘kay?”

Undyne gives you a significant look.  After the door closes, you still hear their loud chatter get more and more distant.  When was the last time, you wonder, you asked Papyrus how he was doing?  He asked you that all the time.  He asked you to tell him how you were doing, and you were starting to grow more and more comfortable with that.  You told him how the meds were working, you assured him you were doing fine, but you’d never noticed anything going on with him...

If anything, you found it weird that he was taking everything so well.  You figured that the best thing you could do for him was to get better.  But with finding out what type of person his dad was, that’s gotta hit hard.  Has he still been going to Undyne with all his troubles?  After that pact of honesty?  Were you the only one keeping it?

On a whim, you go into his room.  It’s weirdly messy.  He’s left his pajamas on the floor, he probably threw them off in his haste to get dressed.  His bed is unmade, and his desk is covered in papers.  Looks like homework.  A dark wet stain tells you he fell asleep on it.  Well, that’s nothing unusual.  Staying up all night to do homework, you’ve been there.  Waking up dazed and disoriented and not bothering to pick up after yourself, those things were very very like you and...

Very very unlike Papyrus.

It’s not cool to creep around, but you open up his closet.  There are some things piled up at the bottom, things that look like they’ve been taken out recently.  You pick up the stuffed Temmie doll and absently pull at its string.

“HOI, I’M TEMMIE!”

You throw it back in the closet.  That thing’s billions of years old, and it sounds like it’s been run over by a truck.  There’s a box that’s sticking out.  You take it out and open it.  Your heart sinks.

It’s a box of old photographs, and at the top is a picture of you and Papyrus standing with your new dad.  He has that freakish melty smile, and Papyrus looks delighted.  You go through a couple more pictures, some of them were evidently taken years and years ago by Papyrus with his old disposable camera.  He’s gone through these pictures recently.

You don’t want to see any more.  You shove the pictures back in the box and slide it back into the closet.  He’s been going through these pictures by himself, reliving old memories, seeing them in a whole new light.  There’s no way that could be anything but painful.  You shouldn’t have been so quick to jump to conclusions.  He’s good, _really_ good at keeping secrets.  There’s no way this can be easy.  And hell, he had _you_ fooled into thinking he was fine.

You’re not usually out of the house this late.  You head out, thinking that you’ve been so preoccupied with Toriel lately that you’ve forgotten to check up on Papyrus.  You’ve been thinking that as long as you were better, everything was better, but...

As soon as he comes home, you’ll ask him how he’s doing.  You’ll try to get an honest answer out of him.

☠ ☠ ☠

By the time you get home from the hotdog stand, he’s still not back.  You’re not sure if it’s the stress, but your back’s been awfully sore.  You start making a list in your head of all the things you’re going to get when you have money: therapy for Papyrus, a chiropractor for yourself...

You boot up the laptop and start working.  You’re not in the mood for a visit at Grillby’s.  Papyrus could be getting back any minute, and you don’t want to push this off.

It’s getting dark out.  You check your phone.  There’s a message, but it’s from Toriel.

 

_*Is the Snowed Inn close to where you live?_

_*yeah were like next door neighbors  
*pap loves that place_

 

The Snowed Inn is a cute little bed and breakfast run by one of Bunny’s sisters.  Bunny’s other sister owns a shop right next door.  Most everyone in Snowdin’s related, or they’ve known each other their whole lives.  Everyone but you and Papyrus, who showed up unexpectedly a few years ago and somehow asserted yourselves.

It’s getting dark now.  Did they really say they were going skydiving without parachutes?  Are the bones of normal people supposed to be that durable?  You text Papyrus and ask when he’s getting back.

 

_*I don’t know but don’t worry nothing bad happened_

_*what_

_*Papyrus is taking a nap.  I’ll get him home as soon as he wakes up  
*Oh yeah.  This is Undyne_

_*papyrus takes naps??_

_*I know right_  
_*He’s trained himself into exhaustion today._  
_*It doesn’t look like he’s been getting much sleep._  
_*But anyway this is his phone_

_*hi papyrus_

_*Hang on_

 

You get a text from a number you don’t recognize.

 

_*Hi.  Put my number in your contacts, nerd_

_*done_

_*About freaking time!!_

_*so uh, is papyrus ok  
*anything new_

_*Nothing that he’s told me_  
_*He’s been more hyperactive than usual.  I told you thats how he gets_  
_*That’s how he deals with stress.  And honestly, I think he feels bad about unloading on me.  SINCE YOU TOLD HIM, IDIOT!!_  
_*I just can’t believe he finally crashed_  
_*He’s been putting so much work into studying and training that he just literally passed tf out_

_*this is bad hes turning into me  
*should i swing by there and pick him up_

_*No, I think it’d be easier on Papyrus if I gave him a ride  
*Look, don’t get yourself worked up over a stupid nap!  He just needs to learn how to pace himself and he’ll be fine_

 

Don’t get yourself worked up.  That’s easy advice to follow.  You text Toriel.

 

_*tori help i broke my brother_

_*Physically or mentally?_

_*i shattered his innocent worldview this is exactly what i was afraid of_

_*You did the right thing.  He had to know.  Give him time to digest the heaping spoonful of the truth he’s been fed..._  
_*I know exactly how he must feel._  
_*I wish I did not.  But I know what it is to feel so betrayed.  I wish I had advice, but I do not know how to deal with it myself..._  
_*It is hard._  
_*Time may not be enough._

_*is extensive therapy enough_

_*That might be your best bet._

 

You drag yourself off the couch and make your way to Waterfall anyway.  It’s pretty far, but you know a shortcut.  Still, it’s a heck of a walk.  You wind up hitching a ride for a few blocks when you feel your back start to give out.  Waterfall’s big, and Undyne lives on the top floor.  You run into Aaron in the lobby.  He winks at you.  The Janitor sweeps past with a mop.  His nametag says “Joshua,” but he loves cleaning so much that all the residents call him “Woshua.”

He advises you to wosh u face.  You assure him you most definitely will.

You take the elevator to the top floor.  You walk down the hall and...  Crap, which place was hers?  Undyne, the Blook kid, and Old Man Gerson all live up here.  

 

_*he awake yet?_

_*FOR GOD’S SAKE HE’S NOT IN A FREAKING COMA_

 

You choose a door and knock.  “Come in,” a timid voice calls from the inside.  “Oh... oh, the door’s locked...”

You already know you got the wrong door before it creaks open and you see a kid with white hair, large headphones, and a band tee shirt poke their head out.  “Um... hello...”

“Yo.  Blooky.”

“Oh... hi, Sans...  Um, if you’re looking for Undyne, she’s next door.”

“Thanks, my bud.”

“It’s ok, it happens a lot... Thanks for stopping by.  Even if it was an accident.”

The door slams.  Napstablook apologizes and promises they didn’t mean to be rude.  You walk away while they keep apologizing and knock on the next door.  

Undyne looks you over from head to toe and narrows her eye.  “You don’t even have a car!  How’d you get here so fast?”

“Teleported.”

“What are you doing here anyway?”

“I came to poop in your toilet.  Since we’re friends.”

“Sans?” Papyrus’s voice calls from inside.  “Is that you?”

Undyne stands aside.  You walk into her apartment and—  You were not expecting it to be this cute.  The floor is made of yellow and blue tiles, the walls are papered with fish-patterned wallpaper, and a large table is covered with a doily.  There’s a sword lying randomly next to the table, that tells you that you’re in the right place.  She’s got a nice sized kitchen.  The place is very shiny, with no hint of a fire.  Luckily, a fancy grand piano looks unharmed.

“You play piano?” you ask.

“You want lessons?”

“I’m more of a brass instrument nerd than a percussion fan...  Are you any good?”

“I’m about as good at piano as I am at cooking,” Undyne says.  “Anyway, if you’re here to grab your brother, he’s over there.”

Papyrus is sitting back on an adorable blue couch, holding a teacup.  Undyne asks if you want some tea.  “Sure,” you say.

“WELL, TOO FREAKING BAD!  THIS IS _MY_ HOME AND _I_ MAKE THE RULES!!”

“Ok.”  You sit down on the couch.  “How you feeling?” you ask Papyrus.

“YOU’RE MISSING OUT!” Undyne shouts.

“I am feeling perfectly fine, did you come here just to ask me if I’m fine?  Or to poop in the toilet?  Because that is... extremely disgusting...”

“I’m here ‘cause I don’t think we finished that talk.  I wanna know your side of it.  I heard you passed out in the middle of your lesson.  We can’t have you turning into me or you’re gonna wind up in the hospital with a broken leg.”

“I did _not_ pass out,” he says.  “I just... needed a quick rest!  And so—”

“I made him lie down,” says Undyne.  “And I am sick of you two not being honest with each other!  Communication is the key to all good relationships!  That’s why _I_ have a girlfriend and _you two_ are stuck in this rut!  Just... Does the counselor at your school really suck that bad?”

“I used up all my days,” Papyrus admits.  He stares at the ground.  “It _was_ very helpful, though...  She was very nice... But I can’t see her anymore unless it’s an emergency.”

“Is that why your room’s a mess?” you ask.  “Because that looks a lot like an emergency...”

“It isn’t!  I’ll pick it up as soon as I get home.  I was just in a rush this morning because I had a lot of homework last night.  It doesn’t count unless someone’s life is in danger, I think.  Is anyone’s life in danger?”

“Not that I know of,” you say.  “But... Y’know, you can take it easy once in a while.  It’s not gonna kill you.”

“Remember what I said,” says Undyne, taking a seat on his other side.  “You gotta remember to take care of yourself.”

“You don’t need to be so focused on me anymore,” you tell him.  “You’re forgetting to sleep.”

“But I wasn’t focused enough before!  And because I wasn’t focused enough, I let all sorts of things happen, very colossally bad things, beyond the usual realm of mistakes that a person is supposed to make in their lifetime—”  He stops, as though he’s expecting someone to interrupt.  No one does, but Undyne looks like she wants to.  He looks at you.  “Why don’t... we just go home.”

“Okay,” you say.  He’s tired.  What he needs is a good night’s sleep, and then, maybe, you can deal with making him spill his guts...  “But uh.  I just wanna say that, I don’t think you need to make up for anything.  In fact, I’ve felt like I was the one who needed to make it up to you, so...  I think we can call it even.”

“But—”

“Hey!”  Undyne grabs his shoulders.  “Listen!  Papyrus, you’re a fucking champ!”

“Whoa, sister, hold up.  That’s my line.”  Undyne lets go of his shoulders and you take them.  “Bro, you’re a fucking champ.”

“W-wowie...”

“I wanna hear you go back to rambling about how cool you are.  Because.  It’s the truth.  And it deserves to be spoken.”

“Yeah,” Undyne adds, “did you know that sometimes, _I_ look up to you?  If it weren’t for you, I never would have gotten into cooking!  Or scrapbooking, or... damn, what else did we do...?”

“Undyne... _you_ think I’m cool?”

“OF COURSE I THINK YOU’RE COOL,” Undyne roars.  “You’re cool, and strong, and most importantly, loyal!”

“Dude, you’re dealing with a ton right now, no one expects you to take it like there’s nothing wrong.  But yeah, I look up to you, too.”

“W-Wow...”  He seems overwhelmed.  After all the speeches he’s made in the past about how great he is, he doesn’t seem to know how to be on the receiving end of it.  Undyne tackles him, and of course, they both fall right on top of you.  You reach out and pat someone’s arm, you’re not sure whose.  Papyrus is too stunned to react.  He’s speechless, completely struck dumb.  You take his arm and lead him out the door, down the elevator, and outside.  You push him into the back seat of Undyne’s car.

Undyne drops you off and tells you to take care.  Papyrus stutters out a weak thanks.  You take him inside and tell him to get to sleep.

“I can’t,” he says.  “F-First, I have made a list!  And I will not be able to sleep unless I go through it!”

“Uh, a list of what?”

“Things I need to apologize for!  Since you have asked, I think that... now would be as good a time as ever.  Then, after I read it, you can decide if all those things you said to me at Undyne’s house are still true.”

Papyrus hops off.  This can’t be good.  You wish he’d skip the theatrics and get to the point.  Without thinking, you reach for the rubber band around your wrist and snap it.  He comes back with a crumpled up piece of paper.  “I didn’t want to tell you before,” he says, “because I did not think you needed to hear—”

“Please just get to the point...”

“Okay!  Just, as a warning, this may be extremely difficult to hear, but I cannot allow you to shower me with praise without knowing!”  He clears his throat.  He opens his mouth to speak, then hesitates.  Instead of reading directly from the paper, he drops it to his side.  “F-For one thing, when you... back in high school, when you were throwing up your medicine, I was... the one who told dad.  I thought that, well, you had some sort of eating disorder!  Especially since you would sneak into the kitchen to binge at night...”

You snort.  Papyrus quells.  “Sorry,” you mutter, choking back a laugh, “that really isn’t funny...”

“And that... you were beginning to display modesty by changing in the bathroom due to some... well, insecurity—  Do not laugh!  When I told dad my suspicions, he clapped me on the arm and... he smiled....  He told me he was very glad that I told him, and that he would help you.  But he needed my help to keep an eye on you.  So I kept reporting back to him every time you acted strange, and he always told me I was doing the right thing!  If I had only known...”

“You were trying to help.  You had the right intentions, you were just... completely wrong about what was up.”

“I had you take those pills every day!”

“Because you saw what happened if I forgot—”

“But I just do not understand why he did such awful things to you!”

“He was a manipulative bastard, and in my opinion, what he did to you was worse.  Yknow... the whole reason I never told you was because the last thing I needed was for you to blame yourself for all the shitty things he did.  You were just looking out for me.”

“Well... I’m glad that you do not hate me...”

“What.  Wh—”  You can’t help it.  You snort again.  “Why would I hate you?”

“I don’t know—”

“Pap, you’ve been looking out for me since the very beginning.  Everything I said back in Undyne’s kitchen— I still mean it.  In fact, I probably mean it even more.”

“Really...?”  Well, he sure is resilient.  His eyes are watering.  After another long talk, you realize this still isn’t gonna be easy.  At least now, you have the strength to deal with it.  Despite everything, Papyrus wishes that the old man didn’t have to die.  He thinks that if he just tried a little harder, he could have learned how to be a good person.  And he wishes that neither of you had to suffer for it.  You admire his faith, but if anyone could have changed Gaster, you’d think Papyrus would have been the one to do it.

“I never gave you enough credit,” you say.  “How’d you ever get by on your own?”

“Well,” Papyrus says, bravado somewhat restored, “I’ve always had a very special friend to help support me!  He has never let me down!”

You’re touched.  You thought he must have been talking about Undyne.  “Welp.  To whom do I owe this credit?”

“Mettaton!” he exclaims.  Oh.  “Have you seen any of his motivational videos?  He takes time out of his very busy acting career to make them!  I highly recommend them for when you’re having a bad day!”

“Nope, never seen them.”

“I HAVE TO SHOW YOU!”

He gets his laptop and opens up to a very pink youtube channel.  He scrolls past many videos, the titles of which all look very motivating. There’s _My Coming Out Story_ and _Draw My Life_ and _Special Message to All My Beautiful Darlings~_  That’s the one Papyrus clicks on.

There’s Papyrus’s celebrity crush, slick black hair covering his right eye and lots and lots of plastic surgery.  He smiles at the camera through heavy eyeshadow.  “Hello beautiful,” he purrs.  “Yes, I mean you.”

“OMG,” you gasp.  “Mettaton just called me beautiful.”

“Quiet!  Listen to what he says!”

Mettaton thanks his subscribers, which doesn’t feel very personal because you aren’t one.  He talks a lot of bullshit in your opinion, going on about how strong he knows you are.  And how deeply he cares for each and every single one of you.  You find it amusing.  

“Every time he breathes he sounds like he’s having an orgasm.”

“Shh!”

He keeps licking his lips at random moments of the video.  You think it might be meant to look sexy, but you feel like he’s getting ready to eat you.

“And so,” Mettaton finishes at the end of a four minute long video, “whether you’re Asian, or black or mexican, I care about you so much.  Whether you’re gay, or bisexual, or whatever you want to be, unless you’re cis.  Oh, _darlings,_ you know I’m just kidding!  You are all so precious.  Now get out there and make me proud!”

He winks at you, and the video ends.  “I feel inspired,” you say.

“Don’t you?  Wowie, I needed that!  I feel so much better now!”

“Do you?  Wow, that man works wonders.”

“You should watch his coming out story!  That was...”  He trails off.

“The video that made you start questioning your sexuality?”

“Well, that _particular_ video was more on the subject of gender identity, but...  Yes!  Since you have asked, yes it was!”

“So, guess I have this barbie-looking dude to thank for getting Undies into the family.  He seems like a real wonderful guy.  Wonder how his motivational videos boost his ratings.”

Papyrus assures you that Mettaton makes his youtube videos to help out other people who are struggling.  He starts going on about his life story, how glitter boy built himself up against all odds, and watching his videos taught Papyrus that he could do anything.  Even you’re impressed with the guy.  Back when you were in school with Alphys, Mettaton was just an anime voice actor who never showed his face.  He’s made it big in the past few years.

You hate to break his enthusiasm, but you ask him if how he’s doing now.  “I don’t know,” he says.  “I’m glad I got those things off my chest, but I think that...  I just need a while.”

“Alright.  You take as long as you need.  And no matter what, I’m... I’m proud of you, y’know?”

“I am too,” Papyrus says.  “More than anything, I am just glad you’ve been getting better.”

“Yeah...”  It’s true, even if your back’s giving out, it’s nothing to what you were dealing with a couple months ago.  “Heh, me too.”

☠ ☠ ☠

The good news is that Papyrus started taking laxatives.  The bad news is that you think your leg might be broken again.  Still, despite the pain, you flip another month in the calendar and smile at the beautifully photographed May skeleton.  It smiles back at you.  Toriel thinks you should name it.  She’s suggested the name Suzy for no particular reason.  Suzy the skeleton gives you silent encouragement.

Papyrus and Undyne don’t train on Sundays anymore.  They go straight from the center to Undyne’s house or a cafe to study.  Papyrus is absolutely wrecked by finals.  You start baking pies again to give him something nice to come home to.  Toriel sent you an easy chocolate pie recipe.

She’s getting antsy.  She wants to leave already.  You completely understand where she’s coming from.  A couple weeks of being locked in a basement though has gotta be nothing compared to god who knows how long spent in complete isolation.  

One day, Papyrus announces that his life is over and he’s going to fail school and fail life.  It turns out he’s having a difficult time with math.  “Undyne doesn’t know how to help,” he says, “she’s no good at this either!  No one’s good at this!”

You ask him to show you his work.  You smile.  Ah, calculus.  “Alright,” you say, “lessee if I still remember how to do this...”

“OH MY GOD, THAT’S RIGHT!  Sans, you’ve always been good at math— why didn’t I just ask _you?”_

“Probably because you’re still used to me being gone all the time...”  You sit him down and try to teach him as best as you can.  It’s been a while, but it’s like revisiting an old friend.

“IT MAKES SENSE!  IT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE!  I have to call Undyne and explain it to her—”

“See?  Hard or easy?”

“It was very hard,” Papyrus says, “but maybe it will be a little less hard from now on, unless I forget everything you told me for the final!”

“No, it’s easy—”

“No it isn’t!”

“But you just did it.”

“MATH IS HARD!”

When Undyne finds out how well Papyrus is doing, she wants tutoring too.  You tell her you’ll have to charge her.  Undyne swallows her pride and accepts.  She’s not as patient.  It takes her a good half hour to stop chewing up papers and finally calm down.  In the end, she says that it was the most humiliating experience of her life, but at least she learned something.  “I don’t get it,” she says, “why the hell did you drop out?”

“Long story...” you answer.

“What are you doing selling hotdogs?  If you want money, go back to school and do something like what Alphys does!”

“That was the original plan,” you tell her.  “But as it turns out, I like selling hotdogs more than I like solving equations.  Now pay up.”

She owes you sixty bucks.  Papyrus gets his tutoring for free.  You count up the money.  “Thanks,” you tell her.  “I’m saving up to get Papyrus a therapist.”

“If you do group discounts,” she says seriously, “I can bring friends.”

You lower the price and Undyne gets six other friends who are desperate for help.  You never thought you’d find yourself in the position of a teacher, but here you are, living Toriel’s dream.  She’s extremely jealous.

 

_*Teaching college kids!  Are they any better than pre-schoolers?_

_*they are very similar_  
_*but its ok you just gotta treat them like preschoolers_  
_*give them lots of praise and encouragement_  
_*these kids are in such a dire state of panic half of tutoring is just getting them to calm the heck down_

_*I did not think you were the nurturing type.  I suppose the only way to tell judge your skill is to wait for the outcome._

_*i had no idea id ever find myself in this position i dont know whats happening right now_

_*Enjoy it for my sake.  
*When though, do you find the time for this?_

_*havent been to grillbys in weeks_  
_*its worth it for the extra money_  
_*im working 3 jobs now_  
_*im doing this twice a week_  
_*just for the hour but its really helping_

_*Someday, if I ever do open a school, would you offer to teach?_

_*heh i dont know  
*are you serious_

_*It’s my dream!  After becoming a teacher, that is.  I do not think I would like to head the school, I would pay someone else to do that.  
*If I had not donated so much, I might still have enough to do it._

 

You realize that Toriel is probably loaded.  Meanwhile, she’s working as a housekeeper, and you’re selling hotdogs.  Amazing how you have so much in common.

It’s good to have something to do, but a week into Papyrus’s finals, your leg finally gives out.  You can’t walk on it anymore.  Papyrus sends you to a doctor.  Several months of chronic pain is really taking its toll.  You find out that you have a million things wrong with you— at least your leg isn’t broken, but you’ve pulled something in it.  Your back’s all bent out of shape from abusing your body for years.

You’ll need to go back on crutches for the next few weeks, but the doctor doubts that you’ll ever heal properly.  You’ll be able to walk again, she says, but any more manual labor will destroy you.  You get more medication for the pain.  If you had kept working at Grillby’s, what would have happened to you...?  You don’t want to think about it.

You’ll move down to the couch again.  You sink down and hate yourself for pushing your body this much.  If you’re not able to walk at all in the next few years, you have only yourself to blame.

Papyrus interrupts your sulking and bursts inside, screaming that he aced his calculus final.  You weakly congratulate him, and the pain seems to melt away.

Undyne texts you to let you know she and her friends passed.  This was all for Papyrus, she reminds you.  But also, she adds, thank you.

☠ ☠ ☠

Your phone buzzes.  It’s been buzzing all day, you’ve been receiving congratulations from all of your friends, as though you’re the one graduating.  You’ve received a new text from Toriel.  It’s a link to a youtube video.

 

_*tori please i cant watch youtube poops in the middle of my brothers graduation ceremony  
*im trying to show support_

_*Will you send lots of pictures?_

_*course ill send lots of pictures_

 

It’s been going by so slowly, but you can feel the heated emotions in the air.  Lots of kids are taking selfies with each other and liveblogging their experience.  You catch Undyne yawning.  She’s having trouble keeping her cap on under her ponytail.  It looks pretty ridiculous.  Papyrus catches your eye and waves at you.  Undyne catches your eye and sticks her tongue out.

The speeches drag on, old white men talk about how great the school is.  You’re tempted to watch the youtube poop, but you’ll hold back for now.  It’s not very respectful.  Eventually, you fall asleep and wake up to the sound of screaming and lots of caps being thrown into the air.  You watch Undyne hug Papyrus, and then hug a few other friends.  Amazing— she has a life outside of you.

Relatives and friends are now going to proudly congratulate their graduates.  You heave yourself into a standing position and drag yourself into the crowd.  In a matter of seconds you’re lost in a sea of taller people.  You can’t see over anyone.  You search wildly through the crowds to find your brother.

Your eyes catch a flash of red hair, and you see Undyne flying towards someone.  The crowd parts to avoid getting knocked over.  She runs at a woman, throws her arms around her and picks her up, spinning her around.  She kisses her hard.  She puts her down, and the woman stands still, looking stunned, until she suddenly pulls Undyne forward and kisses her back.  The crowd cheers and whistles.

You should really go say hi to Alphys.  But instead, you turn around and pretend you didn’t see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's lots to look forward to now that Sans's biggest worry is out of the way! What the hell did Papyrus even major in? Hell if I know anything.
> 
> My mom's like, "Shouldn't Sans collect unemployment? The insurance company would sue either way" or something and im like mom this is a fanfiction im not gonna do my fucking research im doing this for fun (Though I did wind up doing a fair amount of research anyway... For other stuff tho... Most of my research came from asking my mom stuff on the phone like what it feels like to break your leg in 4 different places, so kudos to my mom, too.)
> 
> Bay has probably been my biggest help writing this fic, so special thanks to Bay! You would not believe how much comments and questions from readers impacts this story. Hell, if it weren't for a certain comment on chapter 2, Sans would have never had that disability that so much of this story revolves around. So if you're wondering whether or not you should leave that comment, leave the comment. Don't worry about your comment sounding stupid, or insignificant, because I take every single comment into account. Responses and discussions affect my story so much, you wouldn't believe it.


	19. Surprise~!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you are, you got it guys, a happy chapter.

“Here’s another hotdog.  It’s on the house.  Well, no.  It’s on you.”

You have nowhere else to put the hotdog, so you put it on their head instead.  The human, apparently, has a great need to carry more hot animals, so you stack on another one.  “Here.  Have fun.”

They keep having fun, so you keep having fun.  You stack up the hotdogs until you can’t reach anymore.  “I’ll be ‘frank’ with you,” you finally say.  “As much as I like putting hotdogs on your head...  Thirty is just an excessive number.  Twenty-nine, now that’s fine, but thirty... does it look like my arms can reach that high?”

The kid walks away and hotdogs fly everywhere.  You’ve grown really fond of them.  Whatever they may have been before, or will be in the future, they sure are a great deal of fun.  You invite them out to lunch.  The kid doesn’t have much to say for themself, but they listen to you ramble about your secret friend behind the door to the Ruins.

You told her you’d watch over them.  They haven’t even died once— as far as you can tell.  You’ve been following them around, watching them befriend everyone they encounter.  You kept expecting the flash of a knife— the slapping of ballerina slippers— but you’ve seen them sing and hug and talk to every monster they’ve passed.  You tell them to stay.  They’ve got a lot of friends here.  Maybe if they stay, it will keep being like this...

Nothing will change...

You don’t have to make friends with them.  All the lady wanted you to do was protect them.  If it weren’t for her, they’d be dead where they stand.  

Even now, you wonder if you made the right choice by keeping that promise.

☠ ☠ ☠

The kid’s been watching you.  Watching, as though waiting for something to happen.  They seem to appear mainly when you’re on the phone with Toriel.  “Kid,” you tell them, “don’t you know it’s rude to eavesdrop?”

They don’t know, apparently.  It’s hard to see the kid as your enemy or even a bad omen these days when you see them just... having fun and being a kid.  Who knows why you’ve had nightmares about them.  You’d think it was just a coincidence if the dreams didn’t start before you came to Snowdin.  Yet last night...  Last night’s dream wasn’t a nightmare.  Was it just the state of your mind that warped your memory of them, in whatever subconscious state they existed...?

If the kid really is haunting you from a past life, they were a friend once.  But it just doesn’t add up; why would you have different memories from the same place and time...?

This all just proves Alphys’s multiverse theory.  It might be worth it to call her up just to get another explanation.

You _could_ just stop them and ask.  If you didn’t have the irrational suspicion that they’d burst into nonexistence as soon as you got near them.

“Hello?  Sans, are you still there?”

“Oh.  Ha, yeah.  Just had to serve a customer.  So.  Tori.  Have you got your bags packed?”

“Yes, I’ve had weeks...  I do wish time would pass quicker, I keep adding more items to my suitcase.  I know I am overpacking.”

“You got your toothbrush?”

“No, I am saving that for last.  I only have one toothbrush, so I am going to pack it right before I leave.”

“Alright, but don’t forget it, or you’ll wind up having a _brush_ with the dentist instead!”  Toriel snorts.  You apologize for how awful that was.  Toriel forgives you.  Puns, after all, are meant to be stupid.  The harder you cringe, the better the pun.  “Hey,” you interrupt.

“Hm?”

“Two months.”

“Less than two months!  We are halfway through June, are we not?”

“It’s the third, right?”

Toriel chuckles.  “Sans, you _know_ it is the third!  You almost sound more excited about this than I am...”

“Look... Tori, when you get outside, it’ll be fine as long as you remember that not everyone’s got the same sense of humor we do.   _I_ can pull it off, but unless it’s all part of your shtick, just try and blend in with the crowds if you don’t want people to give you a hard time.”

“Thank you... I plan to stay inside as much as I can.  But... I have one request...”

“Anything.”

Toriel pauses.  “I find you very funny,” she says.  “But when you see me... please do not make any jokes about the way I look.”

You tighten the grip on your phone.  Toriel’s always been reluctant to show her face.  It’s made you curious.  You’re starting to suspect you know the reason she’s been spending so long indoors.  You can’t imagine what her face must look like, but no matter what, it doesn’t matter.  Toriel is Toriel, and you can’t wait to see her.  “It’s a promise,” you tell her.  “You know I’ve made more promises to you than anyone?”

“I am honored...”

“You can make all the jokes you want about me.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s gonna be great.”

“I certainly hope so.”

“Nah, I promise.  And you know how rare my promises are.”

Toriel laughs.  Despite her eagerness to get out of the house a few weeks ago, she’s almost reluctant to leave the safety of her seclusion now.  “Distract me,” she says.  “How is everyone doing?”

“Everyone passed calculus!”

“Wonderful!  I am so proud!”

“Everything’s great!  Even Papyrus’s constipation is being taken care of.  There’s so much less to worry about now that he’s having an easier time shitting.  I mean, that was pretty huge.  He’d be in there for hours sometimes.  Aw man that was rough.  For him.  It sounded painful.  Sounded like he was giving birth every time he went to take a dump...”

“I can object to that.  The worst of constipation is nothing like giving birth.  Of course, when you are foolish like me and decide that natural childbirth sounds lovely...  Sans, if _anyone_ you know decides to have a child, please pass on this message from me.  Get an epidural.  It is worth it.”

“I’ll tell my friend who wants to have a million babies.”

“Oh dear.  Not at the same time, I hope.”

“I’ll tell Papyrus next time he needs to poop.”

“This poor boy, it will be rather awkward to meet him and know all about his constipation troubles, won’t it?  Some people prefer to keep certain details of their life private.”

“Hey, shit happens.”

“What will I tell him...?  ‘Hello, Papyrus, it is nice to meet you!  I wish you the best of luck on the toilet!’”

“That’s exactly what I’d say if I were you.”

Toriel laughs.  You can’t wait to hear that laugh in person.

☠ ☠ ☠

It used to take you many minutes, even hours to get out of bed every morning.  Now, you roll out of bed right away to tick off another day on your calendar.  Papyrus is suspicious.  Are antidepressants that powerful? he wonders.  Should I take antidepressants, too?

“Nah, you don’t need ‘em.”

“What if everyone took antidepressants?” he asks.  “I mean, just imagine if everyone was that happy—”

“Look, meds aren’t... a cure for depression.  It’s more like a stepladder.  Like, yknow how I’m short?”

“Yes!  That is something that I know very well.”

“Right.  So, if someone like me needs to reach up really high, sometimes... we just need a boost.  Still, you gotta get _on_ the stepladder.  And sometimes... the stepladder doesn’t always work.  I got lucky.  But you don’t wanna be drugging yourself unless you need to.  There’s, uh... side effects and stuff.”

“You should brush up on presenting your metaphors.”

“Yeah... I’ll get on that...”

Papyrus has gone back to nagging, but he’s a little more sensitive than he used to be.  He praises you for odd things like getting up every morning and not leaving the living room a mess.  It’s a little annoying, but it’s nice to see how much he cares.

June’s almost over.  Just another full month to go after this one.  You hobble over to the hotdog stand and check your phone for any new texts.  Toriel’s forwarded you a chainmail.   _forward this to some1 u care about or a skeleton will rattle his bones at u!_

You smile at it, you smile at all your customers, and most of them smile back at you.  As the hours pass, your back starts to get sore, even though you’ve been sitting on a stool.  Your leg feels stiff.  You take a painkiller and wait for it to kick in.  You’ve been carrying those with you everywhere.  You never know when the pain will start randomly acting up...

Toward the end of your shift, you call up Toriel.  “How’s school?” you ask her.

“I am actually enjoying it very much!  I think I have made a couple new friends already.”

“So life on the outside’s treating you okay?”

“I’ve gotten some questions about my condition, but none of them were exactly rude.  People are just curious.  This is a very politically correct school.  I’m grateful...  It’s overwhelming, of course, but I will get used to it.”

“Are your classes over?”

“Yes!  What about you?  What time you do get off work?”

“My shift just ended.  I’m about to head back.”

“Hee hee...”

“What?  What’s funny?  I don’t get it, did I accidentally say something dirty...?”

“No!  I just have a surprise for you!”

“Oh man.  Can I guess?”

“Nope!”

“Is it another gift?  Another calendar with sexy skeletons?”

“No, it is much bigger than a calendar!”

“Cmon Tori, gimme a hint.”

“Hee hee hee!”

“Toriiiiii....”

“You will find out when we meet.”

“I can’t wait that long.”

“Oh, you’d be amazed at how time flies when you are excited!”

“Okay, is it... an actual skeleton?  Tori, did you kill someone for me?”  You wait for her to laugh.  She doesn’t.  “Uh, sorry, you probably wouldn’t...  You don’t like joking about death, huh.  Is it... a yacht?  That’s pretty big.  What’s bigger than a yacht?  Heh, is it your mom?”  Toriel doesn’t reply.  You wait a few seconds, then check your phone.  It looks like she... hung up on you.

“Uhh... bad connection?” you ask your phone.  You stare at it, waiting for a call back.  Suddenly, you feel a tap on your shoulder.

“Knock knock,” a soft female voice whispers.

Your heart leaps and you spin around.  You come face to face with purple fabric—  Your eyes travel upward, _very_ upward, to where you finally see a face.  There’s an extremely tall albino woman standing in front of you.

“Hello,” she says.  “I think we may... know each other?”

That voice— the cheap metallic imitation you heard over the phone was nothing compared to the real deal.  She’s perfect.  You drink in the sight of her-- White skin, white hair in many complicated braids, she’s a giant of a woman, she’s gotta be six feet tall.

“Hey, I think I recognize your voice,” you say.  Your eyes sting.  You drop your crutches and throw your arms around her.  Toriel laughs and responds with such enthusiasm that you feel your feet lift a couple inches on the ground.

“Surprise!”

She’s soft...  You hope you’re not overstepping your boundaries or anything, but you put all your weight on her, taking it off your leg.  You feel her chest heaving with laughter.  You have so many questions, but for now...  For now, you just let yourself be enveloped by her body.  She’s here, in the flesh, and nothing else in the world matters.  There’s so much of her to hug.

You look up at her face.  It’s streaked with tears, but she’s smiling.  She can’t say anything either.  You hold onto her until you feel her arms start to go slack.  “Um,” she says.  “Ha ha...”  She tries to release you.  You cling on.  You’ve long outlasted this hug, and it’s starting to get awkward.  For her at least; _you_ could hold on forever.

“Sorry Tori, can’t let go...  I dropped my crutches.”

Toriel gasps.  “Oh no!”

Suddenly, the ground disappears under you, the world lurches, and you find yourself being lifted into a pair of very strong arms.  You’re not sure how this came to be, but Toriel is carrying you bridal-style.  This is like your wildest dreams come true— the dreams you never knew you had.  She doesn’t hunch over at all, she walks briskly and quickly, this woman is _strong._  She drops you off at the nearest bench, setting you down gently.

“Hang on,” she says.  She runs back to grab your crutches.  People stare at her as she passes.  They also stare at you.  

 _“What a woman,”_ you think.  You hear the words come out of your mouth and realize you spoke them out loud.

Toriel comes back with your crutches and sits down next to you.  “Are you alright?” she asks.

“Fine,” you say breathlessly.  “You literally swept me off my feet.”

Toriel chuckles.  “You are so small I could carry you around in my pocket!  I did not expect you to be so small.  I saw you from the back, and I mistakened you for a child!”

“Ha.  Welp.”  You’re not allowed to make any jokes about the way she looks, so you can’t comment on how freakishly tall she is.  Her face isn’t like anything you expected it to be.  Based on her fears, you were expecting some terrible deformity.  Besides for being a little pale, you can’t understand what she was worried about.  She looks like the white angel from the drug-induced hallucinations you had after getting your leg fixed up, if not a little chubbier and better dressed.

You can’t stop staring at her face.  Everything about her is like the personification of vanilla nice cream.  She has the sweetest, most genuine smile, nothing like your shit-eating grin.  She’s better, _so_ much better than you imagined her to be.

“What did happen to your leg...?”

“Who cares?!” you exclaim.  “You’re early, what are you doing here...?”

“I go to school here, silly!”

“You— Ha, what?”

“I applied to the nearest college, which happened to be in Snowdin!  I had no idea you lived here until you told me!  I hope you never know how stressful it is to keep a secret for that long, I have been planning this for months!”

“You were... wow...”  Words aren’t working.  “You’re... wow!  How’d you know where I work?”

“Tee hee!  It was not hard to find you at all!  Everyone in this town seems to know who you are.  A couple children balancing hotdogs on their heads were absolutely raving about you!  There’s a little girl who is under the impression that she is married to you.  That is a bit of a May-December romance you have going there...”

“Age is just a number,” you say.  “So... if Snowdin was the closest you could get...  You’re telling me you’ve been _this close_ the whole time?  If I knew where you lived, I coulda just driven over, course I’d have to get a car—”

“It is quite a bit of a drive,” Toriel says.  “I was tempted to drive out once I learned you were in Snowdin.”

“Heh, why didn’t you?”

“I wanted to wait, so I could make sure I would not turn back.”  Toriel’s smile fades.  “I don’t know if I could have done it before.  I hope you can forgive me for making you wait this long...”

“I didn’t think you were coming for another month!”

“You’re something of a legend in this town,” says Toriel.  “I thought the description ‘a man with a blue jacket and blue sclera’ was a bit vague, but everyone seemed to know you just at the jacket.  And the other students know your brother!  I cannot believe how well known you two are!  I could have simply knocked on your door, but... well, I hope you can understand, but I hoped to catch you alone first.”

“Aw, Papyrus doesn’t bite!”

“I do not doubt that!  I considered waiting for you at your house...”

“Oh man...”

“I thought of so many different ways to surprise you!  But you just so happened to call me when I was on my way to go grocery shopping.  I thought I heard your voice when I walked past...”

“I walked _right past you?”_

“My first thought was, ‘what do children need iphones for?’  But then I thought, that child has a very low voice...”

“Toriel, my adorably stunted height is the result of an unnaturally curved spine and a bone deficiency that has been plaguing my life since birth.”

“Yes!  You are so tiny!”  Toriel giggles and hugs you.  You find your face suddenly planted in her chest.  It’s very, _very_ soft.  She quickly lets go and grins at you.  “You _did_ say I could laugh at you all I wanted.”

“Heh, I’m just still the _tiniest bit_ taken aback...”

“No matter where we are, nothing changes, does it?”  Toriel sighs.  “I would love to stay right here and enjoy this moment a little longer, but... I’m afraid I have to go.”

“Wait... already?”

“Yes...  It’s a bright and beautiful day outside.  Staying out in the sun for too long does nasty things to my skin.  If you have nowhere else to be... would you like to accompany me to the grocery store?  I know it’s a rather anticlimactic way to spend our first day together, but...”

“You kidding me?  We’ve spent so long in the grocery store together, I bet you know it better than I do.”

Toriel wishes she didn’t have to make you walk.  She’d offer to carry you, but she figures you probably wouldn’t like that.  You tell her that’d be fine, but she admits she’ll need her hands to carry groceries.  On the way, your phone buzzes, and you check to see what Toriel sent you-- then you realize that Toriel is right next to you.  

“Tori,” you tell her, “I got a text and honest to god thought you were the one who sent it for a moment.”

“Oh.  That is funny!  That has never happened to me before.  I would not expect it to...”

Because you’re what, her only contact?  You walk side by side with Toriel, wondering what it is about her appearance that she was so reluctant to show you.  Her skin’s a little pale, but that can’t be why she’s been hiding from the world.  You check your phone.  There’s a message from Papyrus.

 

 _*WE’RE OUT OF MEATBALLS_  
*I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU TO PICK SOME UP, BUT I FIGURE YOU MUST BE ALMOST HOME BY NOW!  OUT OF CONSIDERATION I WILL LET YOU REST  
*WOULD YOU LIKE MORE PIE SHELLS

 

“Heh, Tori, look at this.”

You show her the last text Papyrus sent you.  She chuckles.  “What a friendly sentence.  Caps lock makes it look so....”

“Aggressive?”

Toriel has been to the grocery store before.  You ask if she’s ever been to the bakery.  You mention that it’s run by Bunny’s sister.  “Would you like to go there first?” she asks.

“Nah, I gotta pick up some meatballs.”

You know exactly where Papyrus is.  After Toriel picks out her vegetables, you hobble along and talk and lead her into the pasta section.  There he is, checking for sales on pasta.  “Is there something you need in here?” Toriel asks.

“Not particularly.”

“Ah.  Then... you know where the ground meat is, do you not?”

He’s so engrossed in pasta prices that Papyrus doesn’t notice you standing right at the end of the aisle.  He’s gonna make you walk all the way down there.  You keep walking and talking at the top of your voice until he turns around.

“Sans?” he says, tearing his eyes away from the pasta shelves.  “What are you doing here?  Did you not get the last texts I sent?”

“I’m here on a date,” you tell him.  Toriel lifts her hand in greeting.

“Hello!”

“Hi.”  Papyrus bends down and loudly whispers, _“Psst,_ Sans, who is she?  Do I know her?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know who you know, _bro.”_

You wonder if Toriel caught that.  “Sans... do you call everyone bro?” she asks.

“Nope.”

“Oh!”  Her eyes widen.  “Then...  This must be your brother, Papyrus!  Greetings, Papyrus!  It is so nice to finally meet you!  Your brother has told me so much about you!”

“Wowie...” he says.  “I don’t believe it!  I also have no idea who you are.”

“I am Toriel,” Toriel says happily.  “Sans and I have been in correspondence for quite a while.  He talks about you a lot....  In fact, he goes on and on about you!”

“Toriel, please,” you say.

“He hardly talks about anything else!”

“Tori, why...  This was confidential information...”

“Well, of course he does!” says Papyrus, puffing his chest out.  “There is much to say!”

“Hey, Papyrus...”  Toriel smiles at him.  “What does a skeleton tile his roof with?”

“Hmmm...”  Papyrus narrows his eyes.  “Snow-proof roof tiles?”

“No silly!” Toriel says.  “A skeleton tiles his roof with... _SHIN_ -gles!!”

That settles it, you’re in love.  It took less than an hour, but you’re already smitten.  You beam at each other while Papyrus screams, “A FRIEND OF SANS!  WHAT DID I EXPECT!  THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!”

“Oh, Papyrus, do not be so angry, it is nothing _tibia_ upset about!”

 _“You two_ have fun,” Papyrus says.  “I’m going to go get meatballs!”

Papyrus storms off into the frozen section.  You and Toriel follow him.  “Say, Papyrus, who was the most famous detective?” she calls after him.  “Sherlock BONES!”

“NnnnngoH MY GOD...!”

“What makes a skeleton laugh?”

“Whatever tickles his funny bone!  I have heard them all before!”

“What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie?”

“That’s a little personal—” you say.

“I can see _right through you!_  Say, why are you getting meatballs in the frozen section?  Oh dear, please tell me you are not spending your hard-earned money on premade frozen meatballs.  I doubt there is real meat in those.  Making them out of ground beef really is not hard...”

“But my friend says that it’s cheaper and easier to buy them frozen...”

“Oh.  I heard that you... are a very big pasta fan.  If you buy fresh ingredients, would you... like my help making dinner?”

“That’s alright, I know very well how to cook on my own, thankyouvery—”

“Yes,” you interrupt.

“But Sans—”

“Hey, you got to have _your_ friend over for a week.  As far as I know, Toriel never burned down her kitchen.”

“Yes, besides, we have some _kitchen up_ to do!”

Papyrus mutters angrily under his breath as Toriel picks out ingredients.  Once you’re outside, she asks, “So, I cannot remember if Sans told me, but which one of you is older?”

“Good question,” you reply.

“I beg your pardon?”

“We don’t know when Sans’s birthday is,” Papyrus answers.  “So we just pick the most convenient day of the year to celebrate!  Every year is different.  It definitely keeps things interesting, even if it takes away from the excitement of the anticipation!  Some years, we plan a party weeks in advance, other years Sans just decides to surprise himself.   _I_ keep track of course to make sure he doesn’t trick me into celebrating two birthdays a year!”

“So that means, you two are like twins!” Toriel exclaims.  “Do you ever share a birthday?”

“Nah, we have very different tastes,” you say.

“In order to maximize the enjoyment we get out of our celebrations, we keep them separate so that we can enjoy them exactly how we want to, while being there to support the other!”

“What an interesting tradition,” Toriel says.  “When was Sans’s last birthday?”

“It was—”  Papyrus pauses.  He turns to you for help.  “Oh no, I forgot!  Sans, do _you_ remember?!”

“Uhh...”  You can’t believe you forgot, too.  But suddenly you realize, you haven’t celebrated a birthday since you started working full-time.  It just hasn’t been on your mind.  How many birthdays was it that you missed out on?  Was it one?  Two?  More?  “I think the last one was around two years ago?  You shoulda reminded me.”

“You keep careful track, do you?” Toriel says to Papyrus.  She shakes her head disapprovingly.

“Oh no...  I can’t believe it!  So much has been happening...  No, that’s no excuse!  I should never have forgotten your birthday!  I should have known you’d forget if I didn’t remind you!  I am so disappointed in myself...”

Toriel looks apologetic when she sees how genuinely upset he is.  “That is alright, you have both been working very hard.  We’ll just have to make up for it by doing something really nice this year!”

“What a great idea!” Papyrus exclaims.

You’re glad to see them getting along.  A year ago, you never thought you’d make it to this point.  You thought... you’d be dead by now.  Or long gone.  If only you’d been around to tell yourself that someday, you’d be hobbling behind your two favorite people in the world, standing side-by-side, planning your birthday.  

“Sans,” Papyrus says, “can you cover your ears?  No, I forgot, your hands are occupied...”

“It’s alright, we have plenty of time!  Do we have much further to walk?  Sans, how are you doing?”

“I’m, uh... I’m fine.”

“Good, because we’re home!  Welcome, Sans’s friend very tall friend, to our abode!”  He tells Toriel all about the decorations he put up, and when she walks inside, he rattles on about the pictures on the walls and the widescreen television and the carpet that he picked out while Toriel observes and exclaims that your house is lovely.

“Pay no attention to the living room, there are a couple stray articles of clothing lying on the floor!  Normally, I take care to keep the place absolutely spotless, but some new accommodations are in order until Sans’s leg gets better.  Up there-- right up the stairs, that’s my room!  The kitchen isn’t very big, but it has all the bare necessities!  This is the pot I use to cook noodles...”  He takes out a blackened pot.  “Utensils are in here...”  He opens up the plastic drawer.  “And if you need a knife, a katana will do in a pinch.”

“Do you have a katana?”

“My friend might have left a couple behind somewhere.  I could check behind the couch...”

“No need.  I can make do with a plastic knife.  Now... do you have a cutting board?  And gloves, raw meat is not very safe to touch with your bare skin.”

“My friend says that touching raw meat is part of what makes cooking badass....”

“Well, put aside what your friend has taught you for a moment.  Why not try learning from multiple sources, and then combining everything you have learned together?  Then, you can get even better!”

Papyrus is willing to try it.  You seat yourself at the kitchen table and watch Toriel cringe at everything Papyrus does.  “Why is the stove set to high?  Just simmer the sauce, it is already burning.”

“But my friend—”

“Let us try something new, why don’t we?  It will be fun.”

Toriel is being wonderfully patient.  Papyrus is learning a lot.  Every time Papyrus turns the stove up, Toriel turns it back down.  Papyrus stirs vigorously, and Toriel takes the spatula from him.  “The most important part of cooking is patience,” she says.

“I heard it was passion.”

“Well, to a certain extent.  Remember who you are cooking _for._  Put as much care into your food as you would for the ones you love.  Remember, you are trying to _create_ something, not destroy.  Cooking is art.  Even in combat, there is order and rules.  So if you are going to pretend the food is your worst enemy, at least, destroy it with honor.  Like a true opponent would.”

Papyrus is inspired.  You’re inspired.  He starts petting all the ingredients tenderly, and Toriel winds up doing most of the work.  You keep trying to process— Toriel is in your kitchen, cooking you dinner.  Papyrus starts shredding lettuce into a bowl.  He comments that fiber is important.  “Yes, it does help the bowels get moving,” she says, giving you a significant look.  You hide your snort into your hand while Papyrus dumps a bag of baby carrots into the salad bowl.

Finally, the spaghetti is finished, and Papyrus congratulates himself on a job well done.  He takes a bite and congratulates himself again.  You take a bite and tear up at the taste of the first decent spaghetti you’ve ever eaten.  Toriel takes a bite and asks, “So, if you do not know who is older, who rides shotgun?”

“Whoever gets there first,” you say.

“Somehow, it’s usually Sans,” Papyrus adds.  “So that’s why we have different friends!  Who drive different cars.”

“Fascinating.  So does that make the privileges split equally between the two of you?”

“What privileges?” you ask.

“Sans pays the bills and I maintain the house.  We’re very self sufficient!  Hopefully as of now, responsibility will be split more equally.”

“You sound like you would make a wonderful housewife,” Toriel says.

“I would!”

Papyrus is glad for the opportunity to talk.  Toriel is a wonderful audience.  She’s always been.  She listens to everything he rants about, looking absolutely enraptured.  She asks a lot of questions about sibling life.  She’s fascinated by your relationship.  She wants to know what it’s like to grow up with a sibling, to put up with a sibling, to maintain a healthy relationship with a sibling, and Papyrus is glad to answer in great detail.  He doesn’t reveal much about your personal life, or your childhood, or the details that Toriel already knows.  She nods along and acts like this is all new to her.

“I hope I am not being intrusive at all,” she says.  “It is just that I have grown up as an only child, and I enjoy hearing about other family’s dynamics!  Feel free to let me know if there is anything you wish not to share…”

“Not at all!  Ask me anything you want!” says Papyrus.

“Yeah,” you say.  “He loves the attention.”

“Well, _someone_ has to give a straight answer!”

Toriel giggles.  You and Papyrus look at her.  She covers her mouth, blushing.  “I’m sorry,” she says, “it’s just been a very long time…  It’s very nice to finally meet you both.”

“Th-thank you,” Papyrus stammers, looking flustered.  “You have heard so much about me, but I do not know anything about you besides for your name!  How do you know Sans?  Were you classmates?”

“M-me, and Sans… classmates?”  It’s Toriel’s turn to look flustered.  “Ha… haha, how old do I look…?”

“I don’t know, I’d guess anywhere between the ages of fifteen and sixty-five?  Roughly?”

“That’s… a broad estimation…”

“Why, am I wrong?”

“No, no you are not…  You are actually completely correct!”

Toriel and Papyrus keep talking long after the spaghetti is finished.  The sun gets lower and lower in the sky.  Finally, Toriel tells him that she really must be getting back.  She has a fair amount of homework, she says.  Homework? Papyrus asks.  It’s the summer, not time for homework.

“I am a student now,” says Toriel.

“Oh!  So you’re younger than Sans?”

“I doubt that…  Papyrus, do you not know that it is rude to ask a woman her age?”

Papyrus apologizes.  “Sans,” Toriel says, “will you see me out?”

“Sure,” you say.  You heave yourself out of your chair and walk her to the door.  “Welp.  It was, uh… really nice to meet you.  I guess… I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Come outside with me,” Toriel whispers.

You happily follow her out the door.  “I did not get much time with you alone,” she says.  “Sometime, we should take a walk in the evening when the sun is down.  Once you can walk on your leg again.  It will get better, will it not?”

“Probably.  I... hope so...  Wish you’d warned me when you were gonna show up, and I’da made sure to get better by then.  Nah, I’m... really glad you surprised me.  That was...”  You don’t know what to say.  You shut the door to keep the bugs out.  And to give yourself an excuse to not try and finish that sentence.

She doesn’t seem to know what to say either.  You stare at each other, standing right outside the door to your house, and there’s nothing to say.  Absolutely nothing either of you need to say.  You don’t need to keep talking to remind each other that you’re there.  You don’t need words, you can talk with your eyes.  You silently tell her you’ve never been happier to see someone.  She silently tells you she’s happy to be here.  You keep standing until for no reason at all, you both find yourselves laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took more than 250 pages. 250 FREAKING PAGES IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS LONG. But here they are, and for now, at least, they get to do nothing but enjoy each others company!
> 
> This chapter was supposed to have more stuff happen in it, but I liked where it left off. 
> 
> And now, I can finally call this a Soriel fanfiction without feeling like I'm lying.


	20. Square One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne lets slip a small fact about Toriel that she didn't want anyone to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER 20 WOW HOW ARE WE GONNA CELEBRATE???
> 
> I appologize to anyone who is not American trying to understand our foreign measurements...

“So... what do you think of Papyrus?”

You and Toriel made up to meet today at the bench she first brought you to.  You were nervous that Toriel’s arrival meant that you’d be texting less, but as soon as she got home, she texted you several new memes she had discovered.  You kept texting back and forth like nothing had changed.  Even though she had homework and you had work to do, you both wound having to stay up into the early hours of the morning to finish.

That question was the most important thing you had to ask her.  She answers, “He’s well, quite full of himself.”

“Heh...”  You look away.  You’re really disappointed...  “That’s just him trying to assert himself in front of me.  I promise he’s not always like that.  He... he may make a weird first impression, but that’s just how he is.  If you catch him alone, he’s different.  He doesn’t brag as much, trust me he’s... less obnoxious.  He just really likes to make friends, so he tries to sell himself—”

“But I see now I was right.  He cares about you very much.”

“Yeah...”  You smile.  “He’s got a big open heart, but now he’s trying to open his mind too.  After you left, he kept angsting about what an awful first impression he must’ve made.  He thinks he talked about himself too much.”

“Well, a little...”

“He was just freaking out.  When he doesn’t know what else to say, he just starts talking about himself.”

“I like that you respect each other’s differences,” she says.  “Because... you two are very different.  Growing up practically as twins... what was that like?”

“We were barely ever in the same classes,” you tell her.  “So... we had different friends, and I didn’t have the chance to embarrass him by being an ass to the teachers while he was there.  It’s kinda like, when you’re, y’know, eight years old, you don’t wanna be apart at all.  When you’re little kids, you can share the same room, same closet, hell, you can sleep in the same _bed,_ but once you hit a certain age....  Then one day, he can’t stand it when you leave your socks all over the floor and like, he’s yelling at you not to leave your underwear on his pillow—”

Toriel giggles.  “That sounds terrible.”

“Ha, yeah, and then he acts like _he’s_ perfect just because he’s neater, but then he’s waking you up at ass o’clock in the morning because he’s the one who gets to decides when it’s a healthy time to get up.  Soon the room gets so full of passive-aggressive sticky notes you can’t see the floor.  Then, you both start to feel bad and you’re hugging it out, but three hours later the sticky notes pile up again...  It’s an experience.”

“So are the horror stories about growing up with siblings really true?”

“Depends on the horror stories.  Papyrus and I never exactly had fights.  ‘Specially once we decided moving out on each other was the best thing we could do for both of us.  It’s healthy to maintain a distance when you need it.  You can still love someone and need your alone time.”

“Hmm.”  Toriel frowns.  “When you’re eight, you say...  I wonder... if Chara and Asriel ever would have learned to distance themselves once they were grown.”

She stares straight ahead.  You don’t interrupt.  With Toriel, you never know when to urge her.  When it’s about her kids, you never know how much she’ll say.  “They shared everything,” she continues.  “Once Chara came into the family, they didn’t want to be apart for a second.  They even shared clothing.  They always wanted to match...  I wondered if it was normal.  I figured they would grow out of it.  For then, I figured it didn’t matter.”

“Depends... I guess, how old they were.”

“Sometimes, I worried that it was all Chara’s decision.  But... I understood that a child like them... would never want to be apart from someone who loved them so much.  They weren’t...”  She stops herself.  “Nevermind, tell me more about your stories.  They’re very entertaining.”

“Well,” you say, “Papyrus and I never shared clothes.  But, I’d say that’s more due to size difference than anything.”

Toriel laughs.  Her laughter sounds a bit forced.  She changes the subject abruptly and asks if you’d like to go somewhere indoors.  The bakery, perhaps?  Her skin is already burning.  

“Wanna see Grillby’s?  The regulars don’t usually show up till later, but maybe someone’s hanging out there now...”

“No thank you.  I will need time to prepare for that.”

“Prepare...?”

“I am excited to meet them, but I am... taking this slow.  I wish we could spend more time outside.  The air is very lovely...”

“I know a place,” you tell her.  “There’s plenty of shade.  And it’s outdoors.”

You stand up.  You’d offer her a hand if yours weren’t full.  She stands on her own, brushing her skirt off.  “I do wish I didn’t have to make you get up,” she says.

“That’s alright.  I think I’ll be off these in a couple days anyway.  Cmon, it’s this way.”

You lead her up a street, past a house with little kids running around outside.  “There’s the Slime kids,” you say.  “Think they’re playing cops and robbers.”

“Oh!  I have met them!  They told me where you work!”

“Hi, hotdog man!” a Slime kid calls.  They wave to you.  You nod back.  

You find a secret dirt path and lead Toriel through it.  “Haven’t seen this place in a while,” you tell her.  “But if I remember correctly, it’s really nice in the summer.”

You lead her down a tree-lined path, with plenty of shade.  Finally, it opens up to a meadow of some sorts.  It’s more overgrown than you remember it, with long weeds and grass and wildflowers.  Toriel gasps.  “It’s a nice place, but a little hard to navigate in.  Hope I don’t—”

One of your crutches catches on a mound of dirt.  Toriel catches your arm.  “Why don’t you drop those,” she says.  You do.  Toriel bends down and reaches an arm around your waist.  “Your arms must be sore.  Please, lean on me.”

Again, you find yourself supported in Toriel’s steady arms.  Life is good.  All too soon, you reach the shade of a large maple tree.  You sit down in the grass, and Toriel leans forward to watch the bees.  “You were right.  It’s beautiful.”

If there were a cheesy movie, this is the part where you’d stare at her and say, _Yeah, she really is._  But instead, you keep it to yourself as you watch her stretch out her hand.  She patiently waits until a butterfly lands on it.  She smiles at the butterfly and lifts her finger, letting it fly away.  “Fly safe little one,” she calls.

Half her hair is braided into a circlet at the top of her head today.  She has two strands hanging out in the front in loops.  A breeze blows through her hair, making the loops flop around like long, white ears.  “Sans,” she says, “will you go out into the sun and pick a few purple flowers for me?”

You reach out and pick the purple flowers.  You reach for a yellow one, before Toriel requests any color but yellow.  You hand over all the purple flowers you can get.  She thanks you, and begins weaving them into her hair.  You watch from the sun.  Even in the shade, her skin is glowing.  You want to tell her she looks beautiful.  You’ve never had a problem with that before.  You never had any shame, (“Wow Red, those heels work wonders on your legs,”) you’d compliment all your friends without holding anything back (“Ugly, if I were a mirror, I don’t think I’d crack today,”) but you can’t, you just can’t bring yourself to say this out loud.

Maybe it’s because she takes everything so personally.  She won’t let you say “I love you” unless you really mean it.  But now, _now_ you think you do.  Maybe you should give it more time.  But as you watch her weave flowers into her braid, you know that you’ve never seen anything more beautiful in your life.

She finishes her flower crown, and you want to say _something_ to fit the mood, something that will let Toriel know how you feel.  But all you manage to get out is, “Would, uh... sunscreen help?”

“I would need SPF a million,” she says.

“That... can’t be the reason you keep yourself locked away.”  You think after all this time, you have the right to ask her.  “Your skin, it’s...”

“I suppose it isn’t as bad as I made it sound?  No, there are... other reasons I wanted to stay in the Ruins.”

“The what?  Heh, a vacation home with a name like that?”

“Oh.”  Toriel pauses.  “That is not actually what the place is called.  It’s just a nickname I gave it.  It is... not a very happy nickname.  I stayed to recover from trauma.  But having a skin condition never helped to make me less self-conscious around the world.  You would not believe what people used to call me when I was young.”

“After something like _that,_ you still like kids?”

“Oh, I was bullied as a teenager and until young adulthood.  I know that my face is, well... not exactly the prettiest, but still, it was rather nasty—”

You cough.  Toriel asks if you’re alright.  “You’re... really serious?”

“About what...?”

“You’re...”  How do you say this... “You have a really nice face.”

“Oh.  Th-thank you.  It’s a matter of personal perception, I suppose...  I will not question your tastes.  But thank you.  I cannot believe your brother thought we were classmates...  I thought that having naturally white hair would make people assume I was at least forty years older than I am.”

“And you’re what, thirty?”

“3X,” Toriel clarifies.  Her face reddens.

“Get outa here, all that talk, you’re not even old enough to be my mother.”

“You do love to flatter me...”  Toriel looks off to the side.  “I don’t like to talk about myself,” she says.  “I enjoy hearing about other people, though.  But for now... I’d like to enjoy this beautiful place.”

“Yeah...”

You fall silent, and listen to bees buzzing.  You and Toriel lay down side by side in the grass.  It’s soft, more comfortable than your cheap mattress.  Toriel closes her eyes and breathes deeply.  You don’t want to close your eyes.  If you do, you’ll fall asleep.  And for once, that’s the last thing you want to do.  Toriel’s arm stretches.  Her fingers brush yours.  Your fingers inch closer until you’re clasping hands.

Her hands are the one thing she wasn’t exaggerating about.  They’re about as big as baseball gloves.  But her hand is warm.  And it’s real.  It’s her hand— not your own pretending to be hers.

“Finally,” Toriel sighs.

“Heh, you read my mind...”

You let your eyes close.  She’s still there.  You can feel her hand, and you can hear her deeply breathing.  You want to stay like this forever.  No need to fill the space with laughter, silence is all you need.  It’s not awkward like pauses over the phone.  You crack an eye open and see Toriel smiling.

“I do not want to leave,” she says.

“Me neither...”  Again, you should really say something to capture the feeling of this moment.  “Say, what size shoe do you wear?”

“Fourteen,” Toriel answers.

“Heh...”

“Haha...”

“You could say that you got—”

“Sans, kindly do shut up.”

“Okay.”

Toriel, hypocrite that she is, giggles.  You laugh along with her.  The moment is ruined.

☠ ☠ ☠

Papyrus hands you your milk.  You pinch your nose and down it like sour medicine.  Mother hen that he is, he asks you to tell him exactly how you’re doing.  Toriel was onto something with the housewife thing, with no mom in his life, Papyrus _became_ the mom.  

“Leg’s definitely getting better,” you tell him.  “I should be off these things in a couple days...  It’s mainly my back that’s been killing me.”

“Well, Sans, you aren’t going to like this, but I wonder if losing weight may help take some strain off it!”

“You may have a point,” you admit.  It could be that eating hamburgers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, with fries for snack and ketchup to wash it all down wasn’t the kindest thing you could do for your body.  It wouldn’t matter so much if you didn’t have a spine made of glass, but now, you have to face the uncomfortable truth.

It’s weird to suddenly care about your body.  If you want it to last, you may have to make a couple adjustments to your lifestyle.  “Wish this didn’t have to happen as soon as Toriel decides to show up.  Every time we meet up we gotta find somewhere to go that’s indoors.  Tori doesn’t like making me walk.  Say, what do you think of her?”

It’s Papyrus’s turn to answer this question.  “She’s nothing like all your other friends,” he says.  “She’s the only one who isn’t completely reckless and stupid!  I think I like her!”

 _Yessss._  

“But those jokes...!  They somehow sound even worse coming from _her_ than from _you!_  Nevermind, I don’t like her!”

“Noooo...  Cmon, Pap, give her a chance.”

“It highly depends.  She _is_ good at making spaghetti, even if her methods are unusual...”

“Doesn’t that meet all your standards.”

“Yes, but her puns are worse than yours!”

“Can’t you look past the puns...?”

“Hmmm.”  Papyrus’s eyes narrow.  “I have no idea why, but she’s obviously important to you!  And I’ve never seen you that happy around anyone, so yes, I guess I do like her.”

You grin at him.  “You’re the best.”

“I know!  I’m also glad that you’ve been at the hotdog stand less.  Is that only for her stay?”

“Yeah...  I could never quit the hotdog stand, but I gotta get my other work done before her classes end.  The only time we can hang out that long is on weekends.”

You can afford to work fewer hours at the stand now, because honestly, that job doesn’t pay nearly as much as your new one.  Plus, Papyrus now has a summer job as a lifeguard.  He loves it, but you’re just waiting for him to get hit on.  It’s been a while since he’s rejected anyone, but surprisingly, he can be brutal.  Papyrus in a swimsuit is no doubt going to attract some unwanted attention, and you’ve already given him the talk.

_Don’t keep going out with people just to please them, say no right away and you’ll avoid breaking hearts.  And if they give you a hard time, tell me and I’ll dunk ‘em._

“You should make a date!  A nice, long sunday date to sit and make terrible puns for hours.  Hanging out on the weekends is what Undyne and I do.”

“Hey, that’s a great idea,” you say.  “Tori really wants to meet Undyne.  I don’t know how this volunteer stuff works, but she might like going with you two.”

“Or!” says Papyrus excitedly.  “We can all meet up for lunch!  Like a nice, double platonic date.”

“Yeahhh...  Platonic dating, isn’t that just called hanging out?”

“Technically, I suppose it is!  But hanging out is something you can do anywhere, so casually, dating is more special.  You know,” he adds, deflating a bit, “if romance were only about dating, I would be a complete romantic.  But they always expect, well, _favors_ afterward, and it’s always uncomfortable!  I don’t know why no one’s satisfied with just dinner and a movie, but...”

He trails off.  It’s been a while since he’s thought about this.  “You know what I’m thinking,” you say.

“No.”

“I’m thinking you’re an ace in denial.  Aromantic too, probably.  I mean, I’d be one hundred percent sure if you didn’t talk about how sexy Mettaton is all the time, but I don’t even know if you’re really attracted to _him._  I don’t think plain ignorance can take you _this_ far in life without, I dunno, some primal instinct waking up and taking over.  So yeah.  Maybe you’d like to look more into that.”

“I don’t know...  I still think that if I met someone I really clicked with, I might still have a chance of having a romantic relationship.  I know _you_ have no problem with such an abnormality—”

“It’s not an abnormality,” you say.  “There’s a whole community.  I’ve never looked into it much, but you’d like it.  You’d make lots of friends there.  You’d probably meet tons of other people who like to platonic date without doing the do afterwards.”

“Is it a big community?” Papyrus asks.  “Is there one in Snowdin?”

“There might be.  Aces are all over the place.  They’re hiding right up your sleeve.”

You wink at him.  Papyrus actually smiles at that one.  “Well,” he says, “Undyne is well connected, she might know a lot of people in this community.  And if she doesn’t, I can still appreciate the friend I already have!”

“That’s the spirit.”

“Yes!  So, you let your friend know, and it’s a date!  A double platonic date!”

“You’re really pumped about this.”

“I am always pumped about friendship!”

“Great.  I’ll tell Tori later today.”

“Why _is_ she so interested in meeting Undyne?” Papyrus asks.  “Not that she isn’t incredibly cool, but do she and your friend know each other?”

“I don’t think so,” you answer, “but Tori keeps claiming she reminds her of someone.  But, I think that’s just an excuse.  Obviously Toriel’s got a huge crush on her.”

“She _does_ know she is taken, doesn’t she?  You might want to mention that!  I am not going to set up a date if you intend for my good friend to cheat on her girlfriend!”

“Nope, I’m not a fan of high drama, I’ll break it to her gently.  But I mean.  Those biceps.  What woman wouldn’t be turned on by that.”

Papyrus thinks that he needs to look into what the definition of “turned on” is before he joins any sort of asexual community.  You tell him they’ll accept him even if he isn’t sure.  That afternoon, you invite Toriel out to lunch after reminding her Undyne is off-limits.  Toriel begs you to stop teasing her like this, but gladly accepts the lunch date.  She’s looking forward.

You close up the hotdog stand in the early afternoon, and one of the kids asks for two hotdogs now since there won’t be any later.  You pile on the headdogs and wish him good luck.  Then, you hobble over to the bench.

Toriel shows up a few minutes later, wearing a button-down lavender shirt and a skirt that reaches the ground.  She’s still got the hair-loopies.  “Hello!” she says brightly.  “I am not late, am I?”

“It’s a casual get-together, so no worries.  I think Pap and his friend are already there.”

“I hope this cafe is close by...”

“It’s kind of out of the way actually.”

Undyne was thinking of meeting in Grillby’s, since it’s been a while since she let herself binge on grease.  Papyrus refused.  So you’re going to one of those cute coffee shops with adorable cakes and hipsters on laptops.  Grillby’s is closer, but you don’t want your date ruined with Papyrus’s irritated mumbling.  Toriel keeps asking if you’re alright.

“Yep.  You?”

“There’s a nice bit of cloud cover today.”

Sure enough, you see Papyrus and Undyne through the window.  You don’t think Toriel notices them, and you don’t think they notice you either.  They’re deep in heated conversation.  You hear them shouting through the glass.  You open the door, a tiny bell tinkles, and you wave hello.

Papyrus turns around and jumps up to meet you.  Undyne gets up and slinks over.  “Undyne!” Papyrus says excitedly, “this is Sans’s friend, um—”

“Toriel,” you finish.

“Hi!” she says cheerfully, holding out her hand.  “It’s nice to meet you, I don’t think we’ve—”  Her eyes travel upward.  Toriel is _really_ tall, even taller than Undyne.  Her hand drops.

“Oh,” says Toriel emptily.  “Um, hello...”

They’re avoiding each other’s eye.  Undyne’s smile has turned into something of a grimace as she looks away.  Toriel doesn’t reach out to shake her hand.  Papyrus notices nothing and grins at both of them.

“Why don’t,” Undyne finally says.  “We all.  Sit down?”

“Good idea,” says Toriel.  You take a table for four.  Toriel and Undyne sit across from each other, as far away as they can get as possible.  It only maximizes the awkwardness, because their eyes constantly shift so they won’t look at each other.

“Why don’t I.  Go ahead and take everyone’s orders?  What do you all want?”

Toriel asks for a lowfat muffin, then changes her mind and decides she wants a regular one.  You ask for coffee.  Just coffee, lots of sugar.  Undyne beams and nearly knocks over her chair in her haste to get away.  Papyrus runs after her yelling that she forgot to take his order.  He wants a milkshake.

“What’s going on?” you ask Toriel.

“Nothing,” she replies through closed teeth.

Undyne comes back with your goodies and respectfully serves Toriel first.  She sits down, and after a few calming sips of tea, asks Toriel, “So, how do you and Sans know each other?”

“We met on the internet,” Toriel answers.

“Cool.  And... do you live close to Snowdin?”

“Snowdin... is one of the closest places to my home that one would call civilization...”

This isn’t how you pictured your date going at all.  Everyone’s completely silent.  “Hey, uh,” you butt in, “have you two... met before?”

“I knew you reminded me of someone,” Toriel says.  “Now I realize exactly who you reminded me of....”

“Um, who?” Undyne asks.

“Yourself, who else?”

“Oh.  Yeeaah, of course.”

“Well, you are both acting extremely weird,” Papyrus says bluntly.  “Did you two once date?”

“I b-beg your pardon?” Toriel stammers.

 _“God_ no!” Undyne shouts.  Some hipsters take out an earbud and turn around.  “Uh, it’s not like we have some secret dramatic history, I just used to babysit for her kids sometimes.”

“I barely recognized you,” Toriel says.  “You changed your hair... it looks very nice.”

“Thank you.”

“Wowie,” Papyrus says.  “You used to babysit for Asgore’s kids too, didn’t you?  You sound like you were the neighborhood babysitter!”

“Not exactly.  Back when I lived in the capital, I just worked for Asgore since he paid well.”

“And Toriel!”

“Yeahhhh, and Toriel...”

Undyne twirls a stray braid of her ponytail.  You know that she used to have flowing mermaid hair, so you barely recognized her the first time you saw her either.  Now, most her head is shaved except for her ponytail.  A couple tattoos snake on the bald part of her head.  That part’s starting to get fuzzy.  You wonder if Undyne’s thinking of changing her hair again.  Or if Toriel, being the proper-looking lady that she is, would have let Undyne babysit if she had all those tattoos back then.

Undyne and Toriel don’t look like your typical lunch buddies at all.  Toriel’s covered from head to toe, whereas Undyne’s wearing a tank top and shorts and already has her summer tan.  Now that you notice it, they look like they’re from different planets.

“So you’re a mom!” Papyrus says, breaking the awkwardness with more awkwardness.  “Can I see your kids?  Do you have pictures of— AGH!  What was that for?!”

You heard the distinct sound of Undyne kicking Papyrus in the leg.  Undyne grimaces at him.  She gives Papyrus a look, and he shuts up.  This isn’t helping matters at all.  Toriel’s now trying to hide behind her muffin.  She looks like she’d rather be anywhere but here.  As soon as you’re out, you’ll apologize to her.

“Aren’t you roasting in that?” Undyne asks, looking her over, especially her sleeves.

“My skin is very sensitive to sunlight.”

She leaves it at that.  Undyne doesn’t respond.  “So,” Toriel finally says.  “College graduate, huh?  Congratulations.”

“Ha, thanks.  It was a tough four years, but it was fun!  I’m gonna miss it.”

“I can imagine!  You and Papyrus both, good work.  I have yet to catch up to both of you.”

“We’ll throw you a party when you graduate!” Papyrus says.  “I know you can do it!”

Toriel smiles.  Thank god.  “So!” she continues with more confidence.  “Undyne, was it?  I do not think Sans ever mentioned your name.  If he did, I surely would have recognized it.  It cannot be a very common name.  I heard you and Papyrus are good friends?”

“Yep!” Undyne says happily.  She puts down her tea and wraps her arm around his shoulders.  He yelps as she pulls him sideways.  “BFF and kind of his personal trainer!”

They’ve finally found something they can talk comfortably about.  Papyrus and Undyne give over stories about how they met, which Toriel finds very amusing.  You don’t have much to add.  You just watch them talk, glad to see them engaged in conversation without avoiding each other’s eye.

“It sounds like you are something of an honorary member of the Bones family?” Toriel asks.

“Yeah, something like that.  Once you know all about one’s toilet angst and the other’s murky past, it kinda brings you together!”

Papyrus covers his face.  Toriel and Undyne share a laugh at his expense.

“I think once your underwear goes through the same load of laundry, that’s what really makes you a family,” you add.

“You must be right!  Who washed the underwear?”

“It was me,” Papyrus mutters.  “Of course no one else does the laundry!  But it’s alright, I did offer to.  Sans and Undies—”  He stops himself.  Undyne elbows him.

“You gotta stop it with that, jerk!”

“Undies?” Toriel says.  “Papyrus, that is quite a rude nickname to give someone.”

 _“Sans_ came up with it!”

“Wow, blaming me, that’s... really immature of you.”

“And after all the good things I’ve heard about you...”  Toriel shakes her head.  Undyne doesn’t come to Papyrus’s defense.  She must be as entertained by this as you are.  Toriel turns back to her.  “I heard from Sans that you’re a good cook!”

“Aw, I don’t think I’m actually the best at cooking!  I just think it’s fun to work with knives and fire.”

“Do not be so modest!  I heard you make an excellent and nutritious salad.”

“Ha, yeah that was fun.  Last winter I made those losers salad for a week!  Their eating habits suck!”

“Oh no.  I hope you’ve been helping them fix that.”

“Little by little.”

“Keep taking good care of them for me, will you?”

Undyne flashes a gigantic piranha smile and promises she will.  They’ve found common ground.  They’re fine now.  

“You must share your salad recipes with me.”

“I sorta make ‘em up as I go along, they’re nothing special!”

“Please, I will not believe that until I try them for myself.  Surely you must be able to admit your strengths?”

“Fuhuhu, I’ve got plenty of strengths that _aren’t_ cooking.”

“It’s true,” Papyrus agrees, “Undyne is very strong!”

“Tori’s pretty strong too,” you chime in.  “I never knew this, but she can _lift.”_

Toriel laughs shyly.  “I doubt I’m anything special...”

“Hey Papyrus,” you say, “I wonder what would happen if they arm-wrestled.”

“Like that would even be a contest!  No offense to your friend, but Undyne is the _strongest_ person I know!”

“You’d be surprised.  Big strength comes in big, six foot tall packages.”

“Thank you, Sans,” Toriel snaps.  Undyne laughs.

“Heh, Pap, she makes _you_ look short.”

“Yo, Papyrus _is_ short,” says Undyne.

“Ha.  Yeah right, he’s... how tall are you...?”

“He’s like what, five eight?!” Undyne yells.  The hipsters turn again.  “Did you seriously think that was _tall?_  That’s like, average at most!”

“F-Five seven,” Papyrus mutters.  “And... I give off a tall impression!”

“Yes you do,” Toriel says gently.

“So... you’re saying...”  You rub your temples.  Your whole world has just been turned violently upside down.  “We’re _both_ short?!”

“I would not call five foot seven short exactly,” Toriel supplies.  “Just a tad below average, but that is alright!  He has you to make him look taller!”

“I don’t believe it...  What about _you?”_  You point at Undyne, then at Toriel.  “What are you, hobbits?”

“Nah, _we’re_ both tall,” says Undyne.

You’re having an existential crisis.  Undyne and Toriel are both laughing at you.  Papyrus isn’t happy either.  As an act of revenge he pipes up, “I bet your friend is afraid to face Undyne in a competition of strength because she knows that Undyne is the strongest!”

“I think you may be right,” Toriel says.

“So Undyne, what are _you_ so afraid of?”

“Nothing!  We’re just in the middle of a coffee shop!”

“I changed my mind, I am rooting for Sans’s friend!” Papyrus says.  “Perhaps she is hiding her strength!”  He turns to you and loudly whispers, “I’m betting ten on Undyne.”

“You’re on.”

“I think not,” Toriel says.

“Breaking a lady’s wrist on a coffee date is rude!” Undyne adds.

“This is harder than usual,” says Papyrus.  “I’ve got a challenge!  I bet even if Undyne could win at arm-wrestling, she can’t pick all three of us up!”

“Oooooh, you freaking _bet_ I could!”  Now the hipsters have both earbuds out.  Undyne jumps out of her seat.  Papyrus springs from his chair and winks at you.  Undyne grins madly at Toriel.  “Stand up, Mrs. Dreemurr!”

Time and space freezes up for a moment.  After one infinite second, the room seems to drop ten degrees.  Undyne’s eye twitches.  Toriel sits planted in her chair with a glare that could freeze lava.

“Excuse me, Ms. Peixes-Serket,” she says evenly.  “That is not my name.”

“S-Sorry.”  You’ve never seen Undyne deflate like this before.  “It’s just, y’know... been so long...”

“Yes, it has been, hasn’t it.”

“Mrs. Dreemurr?”  Papyrus looks around the shop, as though trying to find the Dreemurr.  “Is that a common name?”  He smiles at Toriel.  “Are you Asgore Dreemurr’s sister?”

“No.”

 _Dreemurr._  You recall the taste of gingersnap.  And a deep, reassuring voice saying, _Would you like some cookies?  My wife made extra.  She doesn’t want the kids to find them and make themselves sick..._  She loved to bake.  You never saw her, she stayed indoors all the time, but Alphys used to think she was hot.

“No way...”  Two and a half pairs of eyes snap toward your direction.  “Heh... Dreemurr...  So this means _Asgore’s_ your shitty ex!?”

“Please...” Toriel mutters, glancing around.

“Asgore’s not shitty!” Undyne yells.  A woman covers her child’s ears.

You don’t believe it.  She was _right there,_ all that time, she’s never been a stranger.  You hear someone laughing.  It’s a distinct laugh— it’s _your_ laugh, and holy shit you can’t stop.  You double over, and now every eye in the coffee shop is on you.  “You—” you gasp, “were married to _King Fluffybuns?”_  You howl with laughter, gasping with every painful spasm at the irony of all of this.  “That’s hilarious—!”

You shut up abruptly when you see Toriel get up.  Her face is unreadable.  “I’ll see you, Sans,” she says cooly.

She turns around and walks away.  The little bell tinkles as she throws the door open and storms out.

No one says anything.  Papyrus and Undyne look expectantly at you, waiting for you to unfreeze and do something.  “What,” you say.

Undyne grimaces.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone fuck up that bad.”

“Welp, I think that’s kinda your fault with the Mrs. Dreemurr crap, huh?  God, I can’t believe that you used to work for as a babysitter...”  You snort, trying to imagine Undyne as a dorky teenager with bad acne and braces on her sharp teeth.

“Sans.”  Papyrus sits with his arms sternly folded, looking very disappointed at you.  “You just ruined a perfectly good date.”

“I don’t think it was going all that well to begin with,” says Undyne.  “Thanks for ending it quickly, jackass.”

You look out the window.  In the distance, you can see Toriel’s back as she crosses a street.  “Wait,” you say.  “I can explain—”

“You better go after her,” says Papyrus.

You don’t waste another second.  You grab your crutches and hop out of there as fast as you can.  You’ll be amazed if you can fix what you just screwed up.  You reacted without thinking, doing what you always do when you’re surprised or angry or anything.  How else were you supposed to react to a bomb like this?  Toriel and Asgore... it makes so much sense now.  The only thing you don’t understand now is what the hell happened to their marriage.

Was it the kids...?  You have no time to think, Toriel is walking fast.  “Tori!” you shout.  “Wait up!”

Toriel speeds up.  You ditch the crutches in the middle of the sidewalk and run.  The pain shoots up your bad leg as soon as it hits the ground, but you ignore it.  You’ve had worse, and luckily, you’re still fast.  You stumble past nameless people until Toriel turns her head.

“What are you doing.”

“Hey, slow down, I’m injured.”

Toriel stops.  “Pick up your crutches, you fool.”

“Can you wait for me?”

“No.  I’m sure you can take care of yourself.”

“But Toriel!  I have a really funny story, I promise you’re gonna laugh.”

“If you’re here to laugh at me some more, then  leave.”

She turns heel and walks away again.  You try to catch up.  This _really_ hurts.

Toriel takes a deep breath.  She turns around in the other direction and walks past you.  She bends down and hands you your crutches.  “What am I supposed to do,” she says.  “Let you tear recklessly through the streets?  Say what you want, but not right now.  I am not in the mood to laugh.”

“But you’re not gonna believe—”

“I am glad that I met you,” Toriel interrupts.  She stares straight ahead, at least a foot above you.  “Thank you for letting me know what a shallow and insensitive bastard you are.”

“Wait— I _knew_ Asgore.”

“Who doesn’t.”

“Look, what I did was not okay.  That was really stupid, but...  That’s just how I react to any piece of shocking information.  Trust me, it freaks everyone out, and... Hoo boy...”

“Hoo boy indeed.”

“I’m sorry—”

“Go away.”

“But I’ve eaten your cookies before!”

Toriel finally meets your eye.  “What?”

“Okay, so—  I used to work for Asgore.  Well, I worked for this guy who used to work for Asgore as his scientist.  Before Alphys— you know Alphys?”

“Alphys.  The young woman he hired for mysterious reasons without doing a proper background check.  I have barely ever seen her, but the awful, disturbing rumors I’ve heard about her are enough to make me wish I still had the authority to get her fired.”

“Rumors...?”   _Alphys, what the hell have you been doing._  “Wait, anyway, like I was saying, before Alphys, we were assisting—”

“Dr. W. D. Gaster,” she says.  “I have met him.  That poor man...”

“Ha... Heheh, you’ve got it all backwards.”  You’re doing it again.  You’ve got to stop laughing.  “Yeah, him.  Really awful what happened to him, trust me I was real shaken up.  Yeah.  Terrible tragedy.  Anyway, the important part is your cookies.  So, this one time, Asgore came on down, and me ‘n Alphys thought he was coming to check on us.  But it turned out that he was just bringing us cookies because _you_ had made too many!  I never forgot the taste of those cookies.”

“Too many cookies...?”  She looks off into the distance.  Her eyes widen.  “That’s right...  He said that the doctor had none for himself.  But his small assistants, they...”  The ice in her stare melts, and she chuckles.  “He said they devoured them in seconds.  Even the children were never so eager to eat my cookies.”

You lied, you had forgotten about that day until now.  But in this moment, you remember every detail.  You and Alphys jumped on that ziplock bag like wild animals.  You noticed that the old man didn’t eat a single one.  Since then, you’ve been convinced he was never human.

“That’s why I cracked up, I just... can’t believe that if you’d’ve just come down once in a while...”

“We could have been friends, years ago.”  Toriel looks at you, her eyebrows turned upward.  “You should really sit down.”

She doesn’t take your arm or try to support you.  She must be shell-shocked.  You follow her to a conveniently placed bench.  You both sit, at a genuine loss for words.  You look at Toriel’s face, still frozen and unreadable.  “Things could have been so different,” she sighs.  “But it would not have mattered.”

“We could’ve had fun.”

“No.  I would have stayed for a chat, we would have exchanged a couple puns, and I would have left.  Thinking realistically, if you had asked to see me again, I would have refused.  Can you imagine a woman like me spending all my time with some other man, a college student, at that, while I was married with children?   I had a busy life.  We would have never been friends.”

That’s harsh.  Is this really how it works with sexual people...?  Once they’re in a relationship, they can’t be friends with anyone with the same gender as their significant other?  You’ll just have to take her word for it.  “Was Asgore the jealous type...?”

“I doubt it.  Still, even if we had been friends, once tragedy hit, I would have left you behind with everything else.  And then... I would have spent the past year as stagnant as before.”

“So, looks like everything worked out perfectly for us.”

“Yes... absolutely perfect.  I would not have had it any other way.”  The bitterness in her tone makes the air physically colder.  “Can you guess why I named my home The Ruins?”

“After yourself?” you supply.

“It was because that was where I was...  In ruins.  I grew up there, you know.  My family owned that fancy vacation home.  But... it was lonely.  And difficult to maintain.  So my family sold it, and I was sad to leave.  I never wanted to.  But they decided what was best for me.  It was best for me to have friends, and grow up with just one room of my own instead of a large, empty house.  I always loved that place...”

She sighs, closing her eyes.  “So I went back,” she continues.  “When everything fell apart.  Hoping that if I returned to my childhood, I could forget.  Of course, I never did, but I don’t think I ever expected to.  Still, I lived for those moments when I would wake up in my old bed and think it was all just a bad dream.”

You shift your hand to touch hers.  Toriel snatches it away.  “But I did nothing.  My old, happy memories of my childhood home became tainted with my new life.  The place I loved became the Ruins.  But still, I never left.  I _couldn’t_ leave, as soon as I stepped outside, someone would know Asgore...  It was only a matter of time.  But still, I was sick of living that way.  I thought maybe I could move on...  Like I could have predicted I would run into my old babysitter a _week_ into my new life.”

“So what’re you gonna do,” you ask.  “Go back into confinement just because you met your babysitter?”

Toriel stiffens.

“I’m just thinkin’ that—”

“All I want to do is go home... and text you as though nothing happened.  Continue on as though this day never happened...  But I can never do that again, can I?”

“Why not?”

“Because it will not be the same...”

“I get it,” you say.  You look up at the sky, and smile at the bright summer sun you never thought you’d see.  “Y’know, you remind me a lot of myself.”

“Oh,” says Toriel coldly.  “How ever so.”

“Remember how you kept telling me months ago to talk to my brother?  And I thought that idea was completely unrealistic?  Because I thought I’d be dead before Pap found out about what was going on with me.  But... as it turns out, facing my past... that was the best thing I coulda done.”

“And I’m glad it went well for you.  Do you also fear people calling you the wrong name?”

“We’re real similar, Tori,” you say.  “New name, new place, tossing away your old friends so you can start over...  I wouldn’t call it a mistake, but hell, I get it.  Facing all that, having to look back on everything...  Guess it’s gotta be harder when it’s thrown suddenly in your face like that.  She’s like that.  I mean, Undies is like that.  Fuck— Undyne.  She’s not exactly subtle.  But yeah, you’ve met her.”

“I saw her perhaps _twice_ in order to pay her.”

“Heh, and what’d she do?”

“Thanked me politely.”

“You sure your babysitter was the same Undyne Peixes-Serket?”

“It’s hard to forget the name or the eyepatch...”

Toriel sighs.  You know what you want to tell her, but finding the right words is going to be difficult.  You’re still trying to take all this in.  “What am I going to do,” she says.  “I want to go home, but at the same time, I do not.  I just want...”  Her lip trembles.  She hides her face in her hands.  “I am glad facing your past worked for you, but I am _done_ with my past!  I am done being called Mrs. Dreemurr, I am so _sick_ of being associated with Asgore!  I have...”

She uncovers her face.  It’s distinctly red.  “Uh, is that sunburn—”

“It is.  The face of a woman who is remembering things in vivid detail that she rather would _not._  I feel sick...”

Oh god.  The disgust combined with blush is making you suspect some R-rated memories on her mind.  “I wanted to get a break.  I was ready to finally move forward.  And here I am, back at square one.”

You look down at your wrist.  You’ve got four rubber bands on it: blue, orange, green, and purple.  You chose them at random.  There’s absolutely no significance to those colors whatsoever.  You pull back on one.  It snaps.  Toriel flinches and looks down.  “Sometimes,” you say, watching the rubber band, “you need a break from your breaks.”

“What are you—”

“Oh, these?  I always keep at least a couple on me.  In case I need them.  They’re hecking useful.”  Toriel frowns.  She looks away.  You bend down and pick up a stick from the ground.  It’s a perfect little stick, split at the top.  You grab a few pebbles.  You slip the rubber band onto the stick and shoot a rock aimlessly.  “Check it out Tori, I made a slingshot.”

“Very nice.”

You pick up as many pebbles as you can hold.  Toriel winces every time you shoot one.  “Be careful.  You could hurt someone.”

“I’ve got pretty good aim.”

“Why are you doing this.”

“Are you watching?”

“No.”

“You might wanna pay attention.  If you did, you’d notice that the ones that are stretched harder...”  Toriel gives your slingshot a sideways glance.  You release your pebble.  “...shoot better.”

“Is there a point to this tomfoolery?”

“I’ve been brushing up on my metaphors,” you tell her.  “This one’s a visual.  So this little rock.”  You choose a tiny, cracked pebble.  “Is me.  Here’s where I started.”  You put your little pebble in the slingshot.  Toriel watches curiously.  “And this may sound like a bit of a _stretch,_ but let’s just say...”  You stretch it back.  “This was when I broke my leg.  I wasn’t just back at square one, I was lower than I’d ever been in my life.  But...”

You let go and watch your pebble fly.  “So, sometimes you gotta go backwards to go forwards.  You stretch yourself to the point where you feel like you’re gonna break.”  You slide the blue rubber band back onto your wrist and take out the purple one.  You pick out a rock and stretch.  “Soon as you can’t take it anymore, that’s where you know you’re finally about to start moving forward.  Not just moving forward.  Flying ahead faster than you could’ve dreamed.  Unless you snap.”  You keep tugging until the band breaks.  It’s alright, you have many more where that one came from.

“Wouldn’t you think,” Toriel says, “I’d have reached my breaking point already?”

“Nah.  I’d say you only snap when you’re life’s over.  You’ve just been stretched further because you’re made of stronger rubber.  Just wait a bit.  Now that you’re finally going backwards, that just means you’re finally getting ready.  You’ll go far.  Whee...”  You knock a man’s hat off his head.  “Cmon.  Try it.”

Toriel takes your makeshift slingshot.  She pulls back.  

“Pull harder.”

“It is going to snap.”

“Nah, these things are resilient.  Aim for that tree.”

Toriel awkwardly lets go, and the rock flies completely off its mark and hits a cat.  Toriel gasps.  “Try again,” you say.

She doesn’t release the rock fast enough.  It falls feet from the bench.  “That was lovely,” she sighs.  “What does it mean for you if you have terrible aim.”

“It doesn’t matter,” you say.  “Because, the best part is, no matter what... You always wind up a lot farther than where you started.  That’s the one thing you can count on.”

Toriel puts down the slingshot.  She gazes at the rock.  Suddenly, she makes a noise that sounds like a snicker.  “Wow...  And to think I called you shallow.”

That is by far the best performance you’ve ever put on.  You can’t believe how well you executed that metaphor, but you’re not ready to start celebrating yet.  Not until Toriel says, “Well, you put up a very convincing argument.  I definitely like this metaphor better than your last.”

“What was the last.”

“You comparing yourself to a car, I think, that had run out of fuel.  In space.  It was not nearly as articulate, and not nearly as hopeful.”

The man angrily puts his hat back on his head.  Toriel takes aim and shoots another rock.  The man’s hat gets tipped off his head again, and he curses angrily.  Toriel giggles.  “Lucky shot...”

“Keep at it and you’ll be better than me.”

“I suppose I thought...”  Toriel closes her eyes.  “By going back to the beginning, back to the Ruins, that was what would stretch my... metaphorical rubber band...”  She frowns.  “But you’re right.  Even if I was able to forget sometimes, I never moved.  I made the decision that I would stop this.  What a foolish reason to give up.”

She stands.  She offers you a hand up.  “This has been quite an educational break, but my skin is frying.  Let us go back inside.”

“Back in the coffee shop?”

“Well, did you have other plans?  I think your brother and friend are waiting for us.”

“You sure you don’t wanna just ditch ‘em?”

“I have not finished my muffin,” Toriel says seriously.  “Besides, I want to get to know your family better.  They do seem like lovely people.”

You reluctantly turn away from her hand and pick up your crutches.  “I’d offer to hold your hand, but I kinda need both of mine right now...”

“How is your leg?”

“It’s fine.  I’d make a stupid joke about this, but it’d be really _lame.”_

Toriel rolls her eyes.  “Well, let us quit side-stepping the issue...”

“We’re making great _stride.”_

You can’t hold her hand, so you walk side-by-side with her making terrible leg puns until you get back to the coffee shop.  Through the window, you see Papyrus and Undyne with their heads together in deep conversation.  They look like they’re talking in low voices.  That’s a first for them.  They look serious.

Toriel doesn’t slow down.  She looks at you, you smile at her.  She smiles back.  You can’t believe that went so well.

It’s a good thing you always keep spare rubber bands on you.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3X is pronounced thirty-ex. That's how old Toriel is. 30 plus X years old. That's right you're gonna need to beat specifics out of me with a metal bat. (Translation: Toriel is in her thirties.)
> 
> "Cops and robbers...." "Humans and Monsters," geddit? I had this assumption even before I looked up the Snowdin NPCs on the wiki page. 
> 
> Undyne has now been confirmed in the Boneiverse to be the daughter of Feferi and Friska. This is now canon. Fanfiction canon.
> 
> "There;s asboltyely no signficicantce to those colors wahtasoever" yeah. Blue=Sans, Purple=Toriel, Undyne=Green, Pap=Orange. extreme significant
> 
> The metaphor: I came up with this metaphor when I was depressed. It's a metaphor for regression. Regression is like a slingshot. You sink and you sink until you hit rock-bottom. Once you've reached your lowest point, that gives you the strength to kick back up. No matter where you end up, you're better off than where you started. Once you regain the will to live... It's too late for metaphors, and I'm on sleeping drugs. But just. What I wanna get across is. You might suffer. But you're come out stronger. You'll fly forward after you've regressed.  
> It's good. It's all good.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're fucking welcome.

All in all, the day wasn’t too bad.  Undyne bailed on you, vaguely saying something about needing to go home right when Toriel reentered the coffee shop.  Papyrus welcomed her back and bluntly told her he wasn’t expecting to see her again today.  No questions about how you managed to fix up your terrible fuckup, he just decided that since Toriel wasn’t seem to be enjoying her day, she needed to be somewhere else.

Toriel agreed, anxious already despite the determination she showed minutes ago.  She apologized for the trouble, and Papyrus insisted he wouldn’t stop being troubled until Toriel was happy.  Snowdin has lots of great places to hang out, he said, and even Grillby’s makes better milkshakes than this overpriced place.

“What are your favorite things to do?” he asked her.

“Besides for reading and baking?” she asked.  “Those aren’t very good activities for a day out with friends...”

“If you wanna go home—” you began, but Papyrus cut you off.

“There’s a great library in Snowdin!  And it’s right near the bakery!  That combines your two favorite things perfectly!”

Toriel thanked him, still looking anxious.  “Or,” you suggested, “I heard down at Grillbz that there’s a natural history exhibit that’s visiting.  We should go there, just because Undyne would hate it.”

Dead things that don’t move, nothing to punch if you didn’t want to get kicked out, it was the perfect Undyne-less activity.  Papyrus decided to be the tour guide, commentating facts and reading off signs while you pointed out all the skeletons.  “Look, it’s me,” you said, pointing out a diminutive skeleton of a primitive human.

“It _is_ about your height,” Papyrus commented.

You wound up having a lot of fun.  You and Toriel made history puns while Papyrus nearly got asked to leave after yelling at you.  It was hard to focus on the displays when the woman of your dreams was walking right next to you.  Besides, you realized, like this exhibit, she wasn’t staying forever.

You watched her, and offered a few half-hearted puns while you took in this fact.  She had only been here for a few days, but the rest of her semester, you were sure, would pass in the blink of an eye.

Welp, that sure was a happy thought.  You tried to push it out until closing time.  Papyrus proudly announced that he had a great day.  “I did too,” Toriel said.  “Thank you.”

Papyrus beamed and said that he always makes things work out in the end.  It was time to part ways, you were getting close to home.  “You must be exhausted,” Toriel said to you.

“Heh, I didn’t even notice.”

You decided to walk her part way to her home.  “When I get back,” Toriel said, “I am going to sleep for the next twelve hours.”

“Just twelve?  That’s nothing.  I think my record is forty.”

Toriel asked if you were anemic.  On top of everything else I got, you said, I hope not.  You asked if she had really enjoyed herself.  “I did,” she said, smiling.  “I realize I was mistaken.  I think you and your brother are actually very much alike.”

“That’s gotta be the first time I ever heard that.”

“Perhaps it is your influence on each other.  I don’t know if I’ve ever met two people more deeply caring.”

“Heh...”  You felt your face heat up.  You couldn’t remember ever being compared to Papyrus before, especially not like this...  “He’s... I told you, he’s got a really good heart.”

“I see that now.  He’s a gem.  I was a little worried about meeting him, especially when we were first introduced, but...  I’m glad we all got to spend this day together.  You two... you have an amazing talent.  You can both drag people out of awful dark places just by being yourselves.”

So you didn’t need Undies to have a good time after all.  That day couldn’t have gone better.  You’ve been smiling your way home, not noticing the soreness in your armpits from being on crutches all day.  You don’t notice it at all until you finally dump yourself on the couch and pain floods all the way into your arms and injured leg.

“Oww...”

Papyrus comments that you like you’re in a lot of pain, but also very happy.  “You did really good today,” you tell him.  “You made Tori feel a lot better.”

“I did?”

“Yeah, she said so.  She thinks you’re a gem.”

“I... I heard from Undyne,” he says, sitting down on the couch and fidgeting.  Surprisingly, he doesn’t look as happy as you.  “After you two left the coffee shop, she told me that her children...”  He seems afraid to say it.  “That they’re...  Sans, her children died.”

“I know.”

“You... _knew?”_  He knits his brows together.  “Why do I always seem to be the only one who has no idea what’s going on?  All the time!  Everyone knew, and I asked if I could see them!”

“Heyyy, no one’s mad.”

“Did she really have fun?  Should I have just let her go home?”

“Nah I told you, you did good.  More than anything, she appreciates uh, the intent.”

“I can’t believe it.  It’s so horrible!”

“Yeah, she’s had it rough.  Six miscarriages too.  But don’t mention it in front of her.”

Papyrus asks what a miscarriage is.  Does that mean she lost the baby carriages?  You don’t want to tell him, but it’s not like he can’t look up the definition.  You explain to him what it means, using simple words.  Baby comes out too early before it’s really a baby, before baby can survive on its own.  And that happened to her six times? he asks.  Six, you confirm, and Papyrus gets up and says he has to do some homework.

“You don’t have homework.”

“I meant... work!”

“Okay,” you say, and leave it at that.  Papyrus shuts his door and doesn’t come down to eat dinner.  Nuts, this day keeps going from good to awful to amazing to sad, now that you’ve got Papyrus thinking about dead babies.  You briefly listen at his door to check if he’s crying.  Instead, you hear him loudly talking.

“So you _didn’t_ know about the miscarriages?  Undyne, do you know what a miscarriage is?”  There’s a pause.  “That’s... incredibly disturbing.”  Another pause.  “PROMISE ME YOU WON’T EVER GET PREGNANT!” Papyrus cries.

You leave his door and go get yourself something to eat.

☠ ☠ ☠

_*What the hell are you doing with Toriel Dreemurr???_

_*whos that i dont know anyone by that name_

_*The lady formally known as Toriel Dreemurr stupid_   
_*I didn’t get the friggin chance to ask what her maiden name is_   
_*She said you met on the internet??  What the actual fuck_

_*it was on omegle_

_*Of course it was on omegle_

_*undies i need a favor_

_*Chances are you’re not getting it_

_*its a small favor_   
_*really small favor so tiny you cant say no_

_*You wanna tell me what it is?_

_*toriel feels kinda awkward_   
_*shes got a lot of bad memories and i think that maybe you made her revisit them_   
_*so im thinking_   
_*if you made some new memories it might help her accept her past_   
_*im not so big on this meddling thing generally i try to stay out of shit thats not mine_   
_*but i mean, youre really into this kinda thing so_

_*What do you mean, make new memories?_

_*hang out with her again.  show her you dont bite_   
_*what happened in the coffee shop was totally my fault so i wanna make it up to both of you_

_*This may surprise you, but she doesn’t exactly bring up happy memories with me, either_

_*did she not tip you_   
_*dont tell me_   
_*she didnt tell you the wifi password_   
_*all the snacks in the house were gluten free_   
_*the kids took out your eye_

_*THE KIDS DIED_

_*ok maybe this isnt the best idea_

_*You think???_   
_*I don’t want to see her again, and I doubt she wants to see me either_

_*what happened to facing things head on_

_*Ok, what do you want??_   
_*We can go sip piña coladas and frolic through a field of goddamn flowers, how’s that sound??_

_*already done that minus the pina coladas_   
_*so idk if you know the rules of the physical therapy center_   
_*papyrus said he didnt_   
_*but i think itd make toriel really happy to come with you and visit the kids_   
_*i think thatd erase all unpleasant memories she has_   
_*connected to you in any way_   
_*and you might even have fun too_   
_*itd be a real challenge but if anyone can do it its you_

_*You’re gonna have to try a little harder than that_

_*ill talk to alphys_   
_*have a nice, long heart to heart_

_*Fuck you_

_*is that a yes i hear?_

_*Yeah.  Next sunday then?_

_*ill have to ask tori first_   
_*thanks for saying yes_

_*If I’m going to do this, I’m gonna do it right!!_   
_*I’m going to make her SO comfortable she won’t ever want to go home_   
_*Just you wait, we’re going to become best friends_   
_*AND THEN SHE’LL STOP HANGING OUT WITH YOU ALL THE TIME AND HANG OUT WITH ME INSTEAD!_   
_*3 >8888D_

_*thats the spirit_

 

You knew you could count on Undyne.  You can always count on Undyne.  You smirk at your phone, proud of your own persuasive skills.  Then you stop smirking when you think of all the things that could go horribly wrong.  Well, it’s up to Tori if she wants to take that risk.  You tell her about it.  Toriel isn’t sure.  She asks if you’ll be there.

 

_*i dont think so  
*i work in the mornings_

_*I see...  
*Are you sure you would not want to come with?_

_*why is my company that wanted_

_*Please?  
*Oh nevermind, I will not make you take more time off for me.  I will do it._

_*you sound like you really dont want to_

_*Oh I do!  I have nothing against Undyne, and honestly, if you and Papyrus are so fond of her, I think she might be alright.  
*Besides, I think you’re right about making new memories._

_*kinda like finally rewriting your old save file  
*ok fuck i cant stop with the metaphors now_

_*I love your metaphors._

_*ill write them down for you in poem form_

 

Next Sunday can’t come soon enough.  Maybe it’s a little quick for you to be making plans like this, and god it is stressful.  You now understand why you never did this before.  Meddling is tiring work.  But Papyrus is excited at the prospect of spending another afternoon bonding.  Without you around, he hopes, Toriel won’t make as many terrible puns.

And maybe, he thinks, she’ll be happy to spend time with lots of little kids after what happened to her.  Papyrus is more into this meddling plan than you are.  You have no doubt that Undyne will at least pretend to be more enthusiastic than the two of you put together.

On a peaceful evening, as he’s eating his much improved home cooked macaroni, Papyrus jumps up from his seat.  “Aha!” he exclaims.  “I have finally figured something out!”

“Good going.”

“You said you met Toriel on the internet!  So you’ve been chatting with her for a very long time!  This means she was the one you’ve been telling jokes to in your room!”

“What.”

“You... were on the phone, right?”

“Oh.  Yeah.  Heh, I heard that, you didn’t think anyone in the world had a sense of humor as bad as mine, didya.”

“I was worried you made yourself an imaginary friend,” Papyrus says.  “Because... I wasn’t good enough.  Or more realistically, because you had gone crazy.”

“Both are true.  I mean, not you not being good enough.  That’s not the true part.  Me and Toriel telling each other jokes for hours, and me being crazy.  That’s what’s true.”

Papyrus gives you a weird smirk.  “Nyeheheh...”

“What.”

“Nyeheheheh!”  You haven’t heard him laugh like that in a while.  It sure takes you back.  “You like her!”

“What.”

“You are completely in love with Toriel!  I can see if in your eyes, brother, don’t try to hide it!”

“Whoa, I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Your face lights up every time you hear or say her name!  And I’ve seen the way you look at her, I’ve never seen you so happy in my life!”

“What a completely ludicrous suggestion.  Coming from the one who loves the idea of completely platonic friendship that has nothing romantic to it.”

“I can recognize a crush when I see it!  I have read enough online dating manuals to see it plain as day, especially on _you!_  You never act this happy!”

“It’s the meds, bro.”

“No it isn’t!  Either you’re lying or you’re in denial!  Admit it to yourself, then you can admit it to her when you confess!”

“Pap, I think you’re crazy.  And.  Seeing things that aren’t really there.  Ha, me, have a crush on Toriel?”

“Yes, you have a crush on Toriel!  Now we have to work on your confession!  To answer your unasked question, _no_ it cannot wait!  You have to tell Toriel you’re in love with her on your next date!  And of course, it has to be a great date!  Which it will be, because I’m going to set it up!”

“You’ve got it all backwards,” you say.  “Obviously, Toriel likes Undyne.  I know I could never compete with her.”

“Well then, she’ll just have to settle for second best!  I mean, it’s a sad fact that we all have to accept, but Undyne is just objectively better than most people.”

“Is she objectively better than you?”

“It isn’t a competition!”  Papyrus huffs.  “Let’s see, I wonder if Mettaton has any advice about confessing your love!  I think he said something like, just be confident with who you are, and if they say no they never deserved you in the first place.  Yeah, that was it!  So if Toriel rejects you, that just means you’re better than her!”

“That would be great advice, if I was in love with Toriel, which I’m not, because that’s a thing that’s seriously untrue.”

Papyrus is getting frustrated.  You grin, because he’s totally oblivious to your obvious sarcasm.  It’s so easy to get him riled up.  He starts stating other reasons he knows you’re in love with Toriel, this whole meddling act just shows how much you’re willing to change for her.  

He’s completely right, but you don’t have to give him the satisfaction of telling him.  Your mind is so preoccupied with this day you have planned that you nearly forget about a doctor’s appointment.  Papyrus and three different calendars on your phone remind you.  You get to spend an afternoon learning that nothing’s changed.  Your body is still a wreck.  Your leg is mostly healed, but to walk normally again, you’ll probably need months of physical therapy.

You’ve got the physique of a seventy year old, you shouldn’t be walking without a cane, but somehow, it’s hard to feel down about all that.  You have a seat at Grillby’s, more grateful than ever that you don’t work here anymore, and your friends buy you a beer.  They all agree that you’ll look incredibly dapper with a cane.  Bunny thinks you should go around hitting everyone on the head with it.  Like her grandmother, who hits her with her cane every time she visits.  You tell Bunny to invite her grandma out for a drink next time she’s in Snowdin.

It’s hard to feel like crap about your body when you have the greatest friends in the world.  You can’t wait for Toriel to meet them.

She’s managed to see you every day, but she’s not ready to meet them yet.  After the fiasco at the coffee shop, she’s more anxious than before.  This is the most stressful playdate you’ve ever set up.  You’ve decided not to come with.  You’re worried about messing things up again.  Toriel is a grown woman, a grown woman with horrific anxiety, but you don’t need to babysit her.  You don’t know when you started getting this idea in your head, that it’s up to you to help her overcome this.

You’ve been telling Papyrus not to ask her too many questions, and preferably not to leave her alone with Undyne.  He comments that she seems really nervous.  “It’s anxiety,” you tell him.  “Agoraphobia probably, but yeah, just... make sure she knows she’s safe.”

On Sunday morning, your heart sinks when you wake up to a rainy day.  Then you remember that Toriel and the sun don’t get along well, so this means the day is off to a great start.  Undyne is going to pick up Papyrus, and then swing by to Toriel’s place.  The doorbell rings, and you stumble down the stairs before Papyrus can get there.

“Don’t mention Asgore,” you tell Undyne.

“You think I don’t know what I’m doing?  I told you, by the end of today, we’re gonna be _besties.”_

“Go easy on her,” you beg.

Undyne tells you not to underestimate her friendship powers.  Papyrus promises to mediate if there’s a fight, but doesn’t promise to mediate if the fight gets physical.  If there’s an arm-wrestling competition, he’s going to catch it on camera.  You’re still betting on Toriel, and he’s still betting on Undyne.  If Toriel wins, Papyrus will have to eat an entire hamburger from Grillby’s.  If Undyne wins, you’ll go vegan for a week.  

You wish you could remember when Papyrus and Undyne finish up.  They don’t usually come back right away, they always have some activity or intense training planned.  You check your phone, but Toriel hasn’t sent you any distress cries.  

The day goes by slowly.  You sell hotdogs.  You get wet.  Finally, you give in and text Toriel to ask her how it’s going.

 

_*I just got home._

_*you ok_

_*Oh yes!  I had a lot of fun.  ]:)  
*It was so nice to meet all those sweet children!  They admire Undyne very much.  She’s actually wonderful with them.  She told me it is apparently her plan to, and I quote, “adopt a million babies”?_

_*yep  
*so she was a good babysitter?_

_*Asgore thought so, and my children thought so.  But I fired her. ]:)_

_*lmao no wonder she was pissed at you_

_*Chara wouldn’t speak to me for weeks.  They were always trying to get Asgore and I out of the house so that she would come over._   
_*Then I found out that she was sparring with them._   
_*Chara asked me, when was the next time they could “fight” Undyne..._   
_*I wish now that I had not been so hasty to get rid of her.  Perhaps Chara needed the outlet.  I see now that she really does care about the little ones._   
_*But anyway..._   
_*Oh god, Sans, please stop me next time I begin to talk about them._

_*ok lets forget about them tell me more about the little shits  
*howd they treat you_

_*We got along wonderfully.  There was this one adorable little girl in a wheelchair who could not stop playing with my hair!  
*But... I met someone interesting today._

_*a boy?_

_*Sans, you have got to stop with the heteronormative bullshit.  
*It was a child._

_*sarcasm tori_

_*Yes of course.  Anyway, there was a child that Papyrus said shows up sometimes.  They were playing with the one they call “Monster Kid.”  And... they seemed very taken with me._   
_*When they saw me, they ran over and gave me a big hug._   
_*I could not help but hug them back._   
_*They hugged me very tight, and then, if you’ll believe it..._   
_*They reached around my back and unhooked my bra._

_*what_

_*And then they called me “mom.”_

_*why does this keep happening to you_

_*I do not understand it!  Why do children choose to inappropriately flirt with ME of all people?_

_*ur one hot momma_

_*Please._   
_*It was so embarrassing.  I had to immediately excuse myself to fix it.  And Papyrus and Undyne and all the children were watching the whole time.  And the child just stood there with the blankest expression on their face._   
_*But weirdly enough, I could not bring myself to be angry.  Just confused._   
_*I feel like I know them somehow._   
_*When they hugged me, it felt nostalgic.  I felt like I had to keep holding onto them.  This is going to sound strange, but I felt like something terrible would happen if I let go._

_*and something terrible happened when you didnt_

_*I hope you are having a good laugh._

_*you hecking bet i am_

_*] >:/_   
_*I really, really felt like they belonged with me.  And please do not make any terrible jokes implying any sort of feelings beyond familial..._   
_*It was so strange._

_*so you felt like you recognized them  
*kinda like how you recognized undyne huh_

_*No.  It was more of a feeling than recognition, but...  
*I don’t know why I am trying to explain this to you.  You would never take me seriously._

_*i just dont understand how you could feel like you belonged with a kid who unhooked your bra_

_*Children can be interesting.  I bet they saw some terrible movie and decided to copy it.  
*I wonder if I will ever see them again._

_*what a weirdo  
*i kinda wanna meet this kid now_

_*Papyrus and Undyne told me that no one really knows much about them.  The child doesn’t talk._

_*i probably know em_

_*That’s right, you know everyone!  Well, perhaps I am overthinking things, and I was merely filled with a lot of overwhelmingly nostalgic motherly emotions...  
*Yes, it would make no sense otherwise.  How could I know someone I have never seen before in my life?_

_*i think you need a nap  
*what you did has gotta be overwhelming_

_*A little.  But everyone was very kind._

_*even undyne?_

_*She was very nice!  Disturbingly so.  She would not stop smiling the entire time.  It was rather intimidating.  
*Her smile is a little scary._

_*are you besties now_

_*I beg your pardon?  
*She did keep calling me friendly pet names.  “Friend,” “Gurl,” “Biffsie?”_

_*bffsie oh my god_

_*Putting her arm around me and grinning... I was not sure if she was trying to make me comfortable, or scare me into leaving._

_*shes just trying her best  
*good for her wow im impressed_

_*Did you put her up to this?  Were you trying to prank me?_

_*no i promise  
*its her unique way of being friendly_

_*I will take your word for it.  
*Sans, thank you for convincing me to do this._

_*im glad you survived_

_*Yes, I am too._  
_*I realize all the things I’ve been missing.  I’ve missed having friends, and getting to know interesting people._  
 _*When I left the Ruins, I considered the possibility that I might never come back._  
 _*If not to retrieve my things, that is._  
 _*I did not want to mention it for the possibility of jinxing things, but I wonder if_  
 _*In the span of five weeks, something would happen and..._  
 _*Nevermind.  It was a foolish thought._

_*if in 5 short weeks youd make a complete turnaround_   
_*id say_   
_*dont count on it_

_*You sure are a bag filled with optimism...._

_*dont expect anything of yourself_   
_*youre here to have fun_   
_*dont think about returning or not returning sheesh dont stress yourself out_   
_*who cares if youre going back or not.  youre gonna work toward getting a degree and were gonna hang out.  thats what youre here for_

_*Yes, I suppose you’re right.  
*This isn’t like me.  I am getting ahead of myself._

_*youre gonna wonder sometimes whats gonna happen thats fine if its on your mind_   
_*we can talk about it_   
_*but dont let it make you forget why youre here_

_*No, I’m going to put my mind to rest for a while.  A nap sounds very good.  
*Goodnight._

_*night_

 

A weird kid who gives you a feeling like you’re supposed to know them...

You hope Toriel didn’t just get molested by the kid who’s decapitated your brother in countless nightmares.

☠ ☠ ☠

Toriel doesn’t bring up the subject of moving permanently to the outside world again, but it’s starting to seem like a possibility.  She has funny stories to share about her classmates and her teachers, one of whom she insists is younger than her.  It seems like she’s making friends.  What you want to tell her is that you wish she’d permanently move to Snowdin, but you don’t want her to feel pressured.

Though that would be a dream come true.

At the most random of times, your imagination goes into overdrive and you see yourself and Toriel sharing a domestic life.  Try as you might to push those sinful thoughts out of your mind, you don’t really want to when you’re not around Toriel and you’re worried it’ll show on your face.  Papyrus sees it, and he gives you that same smug-ass grin every time.

“I never dreamed,” he tells you, “that someday, I’d have a sister!”

“What do you mean.  You have Undyne.”

“I meant a sister-in-law!  Who, despite the fact that she makes terrible puns, can make spaghetti.  Which is the most redeeming quality in an in-law in my opinion.”

“Who said anything about in-laws?”

“Your face says it!  Now, you don’t have to worry about planning a single detail, your awesome brother has it all covered!  Invitations, decorations, you can leave it all up to your favorite guy!”

“Grillby?”

“Don’t play dumb with me!  I’m your favorite guy, and you’re in love with Toriel!  I’m going to see to it that your wedding is spectacular!”

“Alright,” you say, “let’s pretend for a moment that I am in love with Toriel, obviously just for the sake of pretend.  What makes you think it’d be mutual?”

“I... don’t know.  I don’t know her as well as I know you, but I think it is.”

“Yeah...  Bro.  You’ve read up on this dating stuff, how would you know if someone, uh, hypothetically likes you back.  For completely hypothetical reasons.”

“Well... let me check the dating hub!”  You follow Papyrus into his room, where he sits on his racecar bed and opens up his laptop.  His computer wallpaper is a nice collage of fancy cars.  He has all his dating advice neatly bookmarked.  He opens up the dating hub and searches.  “Ah!  Here we go!”  There’s a lot of words.  Too many to read.  

“Okay so... it says, if they’re displaying signs of... acting different around you.  Putting on nice clothes to show they care...  Wearing clothing...?  Sans, this is great news!  When she’s around you, Toriel wears lots of clothing!  I have never seen anyone wear so much clothing in the summer!  She’s obviously wanted to date you from the very beginning!”

“She wears lots of clothing because of a melanin deficiency,” you say.  “So if they wear clothing, it means they like you?”

“Apparently.”

“What’s it mean if they’re not wearing clothing?”

“One moment, I’d have to check.”

Papyrus squints at the dating hub for a while, and then concludes that he doesn’t know.  

☠ ☠ ☠

“...and then he says, ‘apprise is when—’”  Toriel snorts.  “‘—when you get a present, right?’  And I wanted to interrupt and say, ‘No, dear, apprise means to inform someone.’  It was even spelled out on the board...”

“Heh, what was the question?”

“What is the difference between ‘apprise’ and ‘appraise,’ which is in and of itself a very foolish question, because the two have nothing to do with each other!  Aside from sounding alike, that is.  And then, the same poor child said, ‘Appraise is what you do in church, right?’  These poor kids...”

“Did you tell ‘em?”

“I couldn’t, I’m an elderly woman, it isn’t like I can take pride in knowing basic vocabulary.  I wish I could teach all these kids and give them good books to read to brighten them up.”

“You can’t be everyone’s mom, Tori.”

“I can be _everyone’s_ mom, excuse me.  Starting with your brother.  He needs a mother.  I am going to be his mother.”

“Please, you can’t do that.”  If Toriel becomes Papyrus’s mom and Papyrus’s completely unrealistic wedding fantasies somehow become true, what would that do to your family tree?  You can’t be your brother’s dad.  “He’s okay, he’s his own mom.  I’m pretty sure he’s sent himself to the corner when he’s done something wrong.  He’s my mom, too.”

“So that is how you came to be.  You are both your own parents.”

“With time travel shenanigans, it’s completely possible.”

“Wow that is confusing...”  Toriel sighs.  “Anyway, today was wonderful.  One of my new friends invited me to a book club that she holds on Sundays, but I told her I would get back to her.  It’s a women’s only activity, and well, I know that weekends are the only days that you get a decent amount of time off.”

“You don’t have to ditch your new friends for me,” you say, secretly extremely pleased that she ditched her new friends for you.  “This is your big chance to open up.”

“Oh, do not think you are quite so special.”  Toriel reaches over and ruffles your hair.  You pretend to purr.  Toriel flicks your forehead and takes her hand away.  “I said no because I do not think I’m quite ready for that yet.  It might be nice, but...  For now, I am trying not to work myself too hard.”

Toriel shifts her legs underneath her.  Even under the shade of the clump of trees in Snowdin’s grassy meadow, Toriel still brought an umbrella.  It still shocks you every second that she’s actually here.  “You’re doin’ just what I told you to do,” you say, patting her arm.

Toriel smiles.  “Well, enough about me, how has your day been?”

“Not much today, but last night Drunk Buns vomited all over the floor.  And guess who had to clean it up.”

“NOT YOU!”

“NOT ME!”

You and Toriel high-five and laugh.  You’re so glad you got partially fired, because where would you be if you weren’t?  Probably in a full-body cast.  If you were still alive.  “When am I going to meet her?” Toriel asks.

“Whenever you want but... didn’t seem like you were, uh, emotionally prepared a while ago?”

“Do I sound emotionally unprepared now?  I am feeling more confident than ever.  I cannot leave Snowdin without meeting Drunk Bunny.”

“They should put that up on a road sign,” you say.  “Snowdin Town.  Attractions: Drunk Bunny lives here.”

“Well then, let’s decide on a date.”

“We don’t need a date, it’s a casual place, I just show up whenever.”

“How does the day after tomorrow sound?  Are you busy then?”

“What’s wrong with tonight?”

“Tonight you can tell all your little friends to be there!”

“If you say so.  You’re the boss.”

You tell your buddies that night that you have a friend who really wants to meet them.  “What’s so cool about us,” Bigmouth asks.  “All we do is come here and eat hamburgers and complain about how none of us have a sex life.”

“Yeah, we’re a real riot,” Red agrees.  “The only one in our clique who’s any entertaining at all is Drunk Bunny.”

Drunk Bunny’s unfortunately absent tonight.  You get a volunteer to drag her over tomorrow.

You meet Toriel at your bench, limping your way over there.  You really shouldn’t be walking unassisted, but you’ve been distracted.  Too distracted to think much about your body.  Toriel’s wearing a dress tonight with sleeves that show more arm than usual.  They just cover her shoulders.  It takes you by surprise, then you realize it’s nearly 9pm and the sun isn’t around to burn her skin off.  It’s a loose, modest dress, but on Toriel it looks daring.

“Shall we?” she asks, standing up and extending her hand.

“Heh... it’s just Grillby’s.”  You take her hand.  She leads you down the road to Snowdin’s diner/bar.  You hear a lot of noise going on inside.  “Sounds like it’s crowded.”

“Hm.  That would be a shame, we might have nowhere to sit...”

She’s smiling.  You can’t tell why, but it’s giving you a good feeling.  She opens the door, and your ears are immediately assaulted by the blasting of airhorns.  “SURPRISE!” several voices scream, and your vision gets blocked off by confetti.

You blink streamers out of your eyes and look around.  The diner looks like it’s been decorated for a Halloween party.  There’s streamers, balloons, and glowing fake skeletons hanging up everywhere.  A large banner across the ceiling says in drippy letters: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANS”

“Wow guys....”  You’re touched.  “I just had a birthday like, three years ago!”

Toriel giggles.  Your friends force you into a seat and stick a party hat on your head.  You look around.  Everyone’s here; all the regulars.  Even Grillby’s wearing a party hat.  Toriel walks over to him.  “So,” she says.  “You must be the owner?”

Grillby nods.  Toriel frowns slightly, and you can only guess she’s thinking of that talking to she promised to give him.  Instead, she extends her hand.  “It is nice to meet you.  I am Toriel.”

Grillby briefly shakes her hand.  “Hello,” he says quietly, blushing slightly.

“So this is your friend?” Ugly says, gesturing to Toriel.  “How’d you score yourself such a hot momma?”

“Yeah, where can we get one?” asks Bigmouth.

“Omegle,” you answer.

“Congrats on everything,” says Red.  “New job, new girl...”

“Toriel,” you say, “is a free woman.  And uh, just a friend.”

Red smirks at you.  Bigmouth waggles his eyebrows.  Toriel returns and smiles brightly at everyone.  “Hello,” she says.

“HI SANSY’S FRIEND!” Drunk Bunny yells.

“Ah!  You must be Drunk— I mean, you must be Bunny!”

Buns hiccups happily.  “So who’s idea was this?” you ask.  “Tori, did you plan it?  How’d you get everyone together?”

“I asked Papyrus for help,” she answers.  “All he had to do was tell Grillby that he was planning a surprise birthday party, and the word was spread within minutes!”

“Whoever had plans,” says Hamster, “cancelled ‘em for you, man.”

“Aww...  He did that for me?”  Papyrus hates this place.  What an amazing brother you have.  It’s a shame he can’t join you.  Several pairs of hands push Toriel into a seat and shove burgers and fries and cake and alcoholic beverages in front of you.  Toriel takes a delicate sip.

“HECK YEAH, LET’S ALL GET WASTED!” Bunny cheers.

“Oh, it would take much more than this to get me intoxicated.  I am a heavyweight.”

“That you are,” says Ugly, eyeing her from his seat.

“So Sans,” says Red, “how old’re you turning?”

“Ha, I don’t even know!”

“We weren’t sure how many candles to put on the cake,” says Bigmouth.  “But who cares!  Go ahead and make a wish!”

You wish for financial security, your brother’s happiness, and for Toriel to stay forever.  You’ve missed a couple birthdays, so you think you can make up for that with a couple extra wishes.  You blow out your candles and the diner fills with cheers.  Hands slap you on the back and congratulate you again.  “Ha!  Where’s my present?”

“Should be getting here soon,” says Red, looking at the door.

After a couple toasts and slices of cake, the door suddenly opens and another party guest enters.  You see the last person you expected to show up—  Papyrus, bearing a long, wrapped package.  The diner falls silent.  He clears his throat and announces, “Happy fake birthday, Sans, and may you have many, many, _many_ more!  We’re all extremely happy that you made it this far, so I present a gift from all of us!”

He makes his way over and hands you the present.  Several other hands help you tear off the wrapping.  You pull out a heavy bejeweled cane topped with a fancy skull.  You grin at your friends.  You grin at your brother.  “I don’t know what to say, guys.  This is amazing.  And completely relevant to my interests.”

“I’m glad you like it!” Papyrus says.  “In that case, I’m going to leave now.”

He gets the heck out of Grillby’s and you twirl your new cane through the air.  Your friends all shout their well-wishes.  “Who’s idea was this?” you ask.

Toriel raises her hand.  “I suggested the idea to Papyrus, and we all chipped in.”

Your friends toast your shitty bones, because now you have a great badass accessory.  After a few slices of cake, you rap your cane on the table.  “Cane I get everyone’s attention.”

Collective groans sound throughout the diner, with one giggle from Toriel.  Meet her eye and beam at her.  “Ladies and gents, I want you all to meet my friend Toriel.”

“Hello,” she says.

“Heya~” Drunk Bunny slurs.

“Hey!”

“You new to Snowdin?”

“What’ve you and Sans got going on?”

“Erm...”  Toriel’s eyes rove around the room.  “Let’s take this one at a time.  I want to get to know all of you, so how about... we start with some icebreakers?”

You resist the urge to bang your head against the table.  “Let us say our name and an interesting fact about ourselves!” Toriel says brightly.  “I will start.  I am Toriel.  I am fascinated with bugs and snails, and I have even discovered a new species of insect living in my backyard!  Who would like to go next?  Should we go clockwise?”

Toriel looks around expectantly.  No one speaks.  You should really say something, they’ll follow suit if you do it, but this is giving you flashbacks to middle school.  Finally, Red pipes up, “Um, my name is Red and... I’m fluent in nine different languages.  I’m tryna make Grillby the tenth.”

“That is very impressive!  I would like to know more about that once we are finished going around.  How about you, Bunny?”

You learn things about your friends that you’ve never known before.  Bunny marathons Orange is the New Black with her sisters when she’s sober.  Bigmouth crochets.  Doggo can sense vibrations really well, and wishes that everything was moving so he could see it.  Dogamy and Dogaressa won second place nose-nuzzling champs a few years back.  “We lost by a landslide,” says ‘Ressa, “but we’re trying again next year!”

“You two, lose the nose-nuzzling champs?” you ask.  “Man, who’d you lose to?”

“Let us make sure everyone has a turn, shall we?” Toriel interrupts.  You think she looks a little flustered.

“Alright,” says Ugly.  “I’m Ugly, and I—”

“You’re not ugly,” says Toriel.  “What is your name?”

“Uh, I go by Ugly.”

“That is preposterous!  What is your _real_ name?”

You’ve never seen Ugly looking so uncomfortable, and you’ve watched him get rejected more times than you can count.  “Everyone just... calls me Ugly.”

“And why do you answer to that?”

“It’s a nickname.  Short for David.”

“It is nice to meet you, David!”

Ugly blushes.  “You didn’t make anyone else say their real name.”

“Tori, please,” you say.  “It’s not an insult.  Just who he is.  Let the man have his identity.”

“But...”  Toriel sighs.  “Alright.  Who is left.”

“My name’s Hamster.  Punk Hamster.  Interesting fact about me is that I think in the past couple years, this state’s gone to _shit.”_

“I agree!” says Toriel.  “I think our governor’s experienced a bit of a decline lately, what say you?”

“If Asgore Dreemurr gets reelected, I’m moving away.”

Toriel happily engages with Hamster in a deep long discussion about politics.  You lose the thread after a while, but you’re glad she’s engaging.  They debate for several minutes until Red interrupts with, “Not to say you guys are being boring or anything, but I’m bored.”

Toriel apologizes for forgetting about her and asks which languages she speaks.  “Spanish, French, English is actually my third.”

“I would not have believed it!  You speak English better than the students in my English class.”

Red glows.  You could say she’s turning red.  “I grew up in a multilingual home, so I kinda picked it up at an early age.”

“What a talent!  I hope you put it to good use.”

“I work as a translator, so I hope so.”

You never knew that.  You realize you barely know a thing about the people in this room.  You don’t know what they do for a living, heck, you don’t even know their real names.  You ask Bigmouth what his favorite color is.  He says brown.  Dogamy and Dogaressa keep trying to get Toriel’s attention, asking her if they saw her at the nose-nuzzling championships, but Toriel keeps shrugging them off and talking to other people.

Finally, Ugly squeezes his way through and asks, “So, you single?”

Toriel laughs.  “I am, actually!”

“Well, after tonight you won’t be.”  He pulls out index card from his pocket and leans against the table.  “Did you— um.  Did you fall from heaven because Tennessee.  Wait.  Shit.”

“Um, I am sorry?”

“No, wait lemme get another one.  Did you die and go to— no.  No, one sec—”

“Please, for your own sake, I would advise you to quit while you’re ahead.”

“But... I saw you from across the room and... you ain’t with Sans, right?”  You hate to agree, but even after holding hands in a field of wildflowers, you guess it’s true if no one’s officially announced it.  “Anyway, I think you’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve seen tonight, and...”

“SO I’M NOT A _*hic*_ GORGEOUS.... I’M NOT THE GORGEOUSEST?”

“And I stand by what I said before!  If I could have my pick of any woman, I’d pick you.  Because you’re a pick.  I’d pick you harder than I’d pick my nose.”

“I... I’m flattered...”

“Real smooth, David,” you say.

“Is true, she’s the gorgeousest.”  Drunk Bunny sobs.  “She’s tall, got glowing skin, nice womanly curves...  Bet you get all the hot guys.”

“Not as of lately, and nor do I wish to.”

Toriel stands up to get a few feet away from the commotion.  “And—”   _Smack._  “You got you the sweetest ass!”

The room jolts with the force of the smack.  Bunny’s hand is exactly where it shouldn’t be.  “It’s so nice... I’d kill for a big ass like that.”

“Remove your hand.”

Toriel’s tone is enough to get Bunny to pull away.  You can’t see her face, but she must be livid.  “Bad Bunny.”  You whack Buns in the head with your cane.  “There we go.  Just like your grandma.”

“Ha, Buns, don’t you know you don’t get to slap the ass on the first date?” says Red.

“Second date?” asks Bigmouth hopefully.

“When do I get the whole ass to myself?” asks Ugly.  “I mean, not to be weird or anything, take it as a compliment.  Don’t listen to Bunny, she’s drunk.   _I_ think you’re beautiful.”

“Excuse me,” Toriel says.  “I am going to the restroom.”

“We’ve got a lucky toilet in there!” Bunny yells.  She hiccups.  She watches Toriel walk away.  “Just _lookit_ dat ass...  And hips!  Tori _*hic*_ you’ve got nice thighs!  Pull up yer skirt a lil better so we can see ‘em!”

“Wait, Toriel, come back, we’ll kick Drunk Buns and Ugly outa here.  It’s okay.”

Toriel shuts the door to the women’s room.

“Guys...”  You shake your head.  “Tori’s a classy lady.  You can’t be like that with her.  She’s not like me, she takes things seriously...”

“That’s no fun.”

“Sexual harassment’s no fun either.  I forgot to tell you guys she’s off limits.  No hitting on Toriel.  She’s new.”

You’d follow her and see if she’s okay if Grillbz would allow it.  “Damn, how are you two friends?” asks Red.

“Who _wouldn’t_ be friends with that?” says Drunk Bunny despondently.  “Tell us when you reach third base Sansy.”

Your eye twitches.  It was fine when everyone wanted to bang _you,_ but this is just unacceptable.  “So she’s single?” Hamster speaks up.  “I’d go for something more permanent than a one night stand with her.  She’s a lady with opinions!  I respect that!”

“Okay, but—”

Someone blows an airhorn in your face.  You completely forgot that this is your party, and everyone counts on you to give them a good time.  Buns wants everyone to get so wasted they forget their own names.  You’re not too sure about that.  Still, it’s fun to watch your friends get redder and redder in the face, laughing at your jokes so much more easily.  

Time passes.  How much time you don’t know, until finally you feel your phone buzz.  You take it out of your pocket and find a message from Toriel.

 

_*I need to get out of here._

_*you need help?_

_*I cannot ask you to clear the whole place for me.  So, though I hate to make this request, please just meet me at the bathroom door._

 

“‘Scuse me,” you say.  It takes a good minute and a half to clear a path.  You walk over to the lady’s bathroom, ignoring the loud glare from Grillby’s direction telling you you’re not allowed in there.  You knock on the door.

“One minute,” Toriel calls.

You listen at the door.  You wish your friends would shut up for a second so you could hear better, it doesn’t sound good in there.  You can hear Toriel’s breathing through the door, harsh and labored and painful.   _*you ok_  you ask her but you know the answer.  She’s having an anxiety attack, of course she isn’t.  You wait it out until Toriel opens the door.  Her face betrays nothing.  She looks stony, not like she spent the past several minutes struggling to breathe.

“Want me to walk you out?”

“Yes.  Thank you.”

Your friends shout out apologies on behalf of Drunk Bunny and Ugly, but Toriel looks ahead and ignores them.  You open the door for her.  She strides past you.  You follow her out.  The door shuts.  The sound of the partying folks in the diner becomes muffled behind the closed door.

“Heh, sorry about that, you okay?”

Toriel breathes deeply through her nose.  “Just... experiencing a bit of sensory overload.  I will be fine once I get home.”

“What can I say about Drunk Buns.  She’s drunk.”

“Your friends are... interesting, but a little overwhelming.  I suppose I have been moving too fast.  I wasn’t ready to be at the center of attention with... so many people.”

“Yeah, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea—”

“I planned this party.  It was all my decision.  But... do not feel as though you have to stop enjoying yourself for my sake.  It is your birthday, kind of...”

“You didn’t sound too good.”

“Did your friend mean it when she asked me to pull up my dress so that she could see my backside?”

It takes all your strength not to laugh.  “No, course not.  She’s like that with everyone.  She... she meant it in a friendly way.  If they inappropriately hit on you, it just means they like you.  Platonically.  Bunny and I platonically smack each other’s butts all the time.”

“Platonically...?  Is this what friendship has become?”

“Yes.  We platonically smack each other’s rears and tell each other how sexy they are.  Sometimes we hit on each other.  But it doesn’t mean anything.  Well, to me, but if it means something to them I just roll with it and let ‘em have their fun.  That’s how you make friends.  You don’t let little things get to you.”

“I don’t understand young people these days...”

“Pretty sure some of them in there are older than you.”

“Do not be offended, I think they have interesting things to say, well... some of them do.  That man in the leather jacket was at the very least educated.  And we both disagree with the very same politician!”

“I didn’t know you cared about politics.”

“I practically ran this state for years, of course I do.”

“Oh.”  They were married.  There have been rumors of Asgore experiencing a decline lately, rumors have said he was even thinking about resigning.  He used to be popular.  Now there’s a split between the people who still like him and those who think he’s become completely incompetent.  A couple years ago, and now that you’re putting two and two together in your head, everything is making painfully perfect sense.  Seems like good old Fluffybuns still isn’t handling his divorce well.  

“Anyway, why don’t you go back inside.  I am going to call a taxi.”

“Aw man, don’t do that.  Public transport in Snowdin sucks.  You’ll be waiting out here forever.  Where’re you staying?  Is it close?”

Toriel gives you her address.  “If I do not call a car, how am I going to get home.”

“I know a shortcut.”

“I am tired.”

She has that end-of-discussion tone that lets you know there’s no point arguing.  You stand quietly and watch her shiver slightly.  It’s not even cold out.  She’s just standing there, not even taking out her phone.  You’re not sure whether to approach her or not; if she’s even unapproachable at all.

“Aren’t your friends going to expect you back?”

“I disappear on them all the time.  They won’t even question it.  If you’re gonna be waiting out here for twenty minutes... I’ll wait with you.”

Toriel reaches into her purse, then hesitates.  You watch her hand.  It returns to her side.  “I changed my mind.  I will... take your shortcut.  It sounds fun.”

You beam and take her hand.  Toriel squeezes yours.  It’s a little sweatier than usual.  Your friends really did a number on her.  You turn your head, and to your surprise, she’s smiling.  You lead her down the street for a couple minutes in silence.

“So,” you finally say, “if you were the one running everything behind the scenes... how come you never ran yourself?”

“There was a lot more to the position than making the right decisions.  It was also about making appearances, and... Asgore was very good at that.  There were meetings and conferences to attend, and to me... it was more important for me to stay at home and take care of my family.  I did not ever want the publicity.  And don’t, don’t you _dare_ suggest that sexism played any factor in this.  I’ve been accused before of not being able to think for myself because I wanted to stay at home.  As though working around the clock to be there for my children somehow made me a mindless slave to society...  And there I go again.  Ignore me, I am not even talking to you in particular...”

“Nah this is fun.  Let it all out, Tori.”

“I used to be a _flagrant_ anti-feminist,” Toriel says.  “It seemed like they were trying to control what women did with their bodies more than patriarchal standards did!  Friends always told me, ‘Oh why are you so desperate to get married, you are worth so much more than your body!’  As though I thought that was my only reason for living!  As though desiring a husband and children made me some sort of robot!  I _knew_ what I wanted, and none of my desires were influenced by any sort of standards!   _What_ is wrong, may I ask, about wanting a family?”

“Nothing.  Zilch.  Nada.”

“Well, I started to change my mind about the feminist movement after a while, once I discovered there was more than one type of feminist.  But _honestly,_ do they see themselves as progressive?  Anyone who thinks mothers are weak and submissive are more backward than the so-called _patriarchy!”_

Toriel pauses to catch her breath.  “Well, that felt good.  Do you have any thoughts on the matter?”

“Never thought about it much,” you say.  “But yeah.  Don’t disagree with anything you said.  Then again, I don’t know many moms.  All my friends are single.  Besides for Bunny’s sisters.  They both got kids and... I guess they seem pretty cool.”

“How very insightful.”  Toriel laughs softly.  “I suppose you wouldn’t understand.  You seem blind to trivial differences.”

“Hey, remember that time you called me ableist?”

“When was that?”

You turn a corner into a side street.  “That one time...  I think I capitalized the word ‘Disabled?’  And you said, heh, ‘Just lump them all together like that, will you?’  What I’m saying is, you’re so quick to jump the gun.  Who knows.  Maybe all these feminist people’ve been told their whole lives that it’s all been leading up to getting married.  You don’t know their stories.”

“Oh my gosh... I really did say that.  Haha...”

You turn another corner.  There’s a hidden alleyway here that most people pass right by without noticing.  It’s too dark to see your way, but you know this area like the back of your hand.  “Alright, this area’s a little shady.  It may not be the safest, but it saves lots of walking.”

“Oh, do not worry about me, I can defend myself!  Did I not tell you about the time I singlehandedly fought off a group of thieves who tried to rob the Ruins?  Apparently they thought the house was empty.”

“Nice.  How’d that end.”

“Well... after I treated their injuries, I sat them all down for some tea and cake, and I learned that one of them was abandoned by his mother, and another had been fired from three jobs that week... It was a bit of a shame, but I did have to call the police.  They were grateful, though, and I hope I gave them a chance....”

“Treated their injuries?  How bad did you beat them up?”

“It was all self-defense.”

“Ha.  Damn.”

“I have been a little out of shape lately, I hope I still have it in me.”

Toriel seems pleased with herself.  You come out the other end of the alleyway, where your path is lit up by streetlights.  “Aaaand, here we are.  Home sweet home.”

“Already...?  How incredible.  I am impressed.”

Toriel lets go of your hand and walks over to her building, scrutinizing it as though making sure it’s real.  “This is the right place.  I never noticed that alley there.  Well...”  She looks at you.  “I suppose you want to get back now?  If the party hasn’t already broken up...”

“Actually, could I use your bathroom first?”

“Oh, by all means.  Yes, come in.”

Toriel leads you inside, up a short flight of stairs.  She fumbles in her purse for a key, and unlocks the door.  It’s a nice little place she’s got.  Wood floors, pictures of landscapes on the wall, much more modest than your garishly colored house.  “The bathroom is down the hall... Second door on the left.”

You nearly forgot why you came in here.  What was it that Undyne said?  You’re not friends till you’ve pooped in each other’s houses?   _Suck it, Undies,_ you think.  Even her bathroom is cute.  She has snail-shaped bar soap.  This place is impressively decorated for a temporary stay of a few weeks.  Maybe she really did plan for it to be permanent.

You can only hope.

You leave Toriel’s pretty bathroom and look for her out in the hall.  You find her in a nice-sized living room, sitting in a comfy looking armchair, wearing a pair of reading glasses.  Her nose is buried in a magazine.  “Hey.”

She looks up.  “Hello.  Would you... like something to drink?”

“Nah, I’m good.  What’ve you got there.”

“It is a food magazine.  Are you sure your friends will not be expecting you back?”

“Are you saying I’ve overstayed my stay.”

“No, no I... I do not mind.  If you would like to stay for a while, I would not mind the company.  Unless you would like to go...”

“You feeling any better?”

“Yes.  I’m alright, I’m sure by tomorrow I’ll be... back to normal.  It’s rather a pain to be this way, but I think that the only way to get over this is to expose myself to uncomfortable situations.  It is surprisingly not even as bad as I thought it would be.  I have even enjoyed myself around other people.”

“Were you... always this anxious?”

“No,” says Toriel.  “True I was more of an introvert, but... I did not panic inside every time I left the house.  Back at the Ruins, we get many visitors in the summer.  I enjoy meeting them and talking to them, but inside...  I always have the chance to return to the safety of my room if I want to.  It is hard to explain what it’s like.”

“When you’re playing tag,” you say, “and you don’t wanna leave the base because any moment, you can be ‘it.’”

“Please compile a book of metaphors.  That is exactly it.”

“I’ve been reading up on agoraphobia online.”

“The internet is a wonderful resource.  I would like to begin to seek help for my condition.  I did not exactly have a reason before, but...”  Toriel sighs.  “I did not even view it as a problem.  But now it is such a terrible hindrance.  I don’t want to ruin parties by being anxious.  I was once such a social butterfly.  I did not realize how much I missed having friends.”

“Everyone needs friends.  Does... being around… _everyone_ make you anxious?”  Have you been making her suffer by spending all this time around her?

“Not everyone.  Not children, and...”  She swallows.  She flushes.  She looks away.  “Not you.  I do not feel scared for a moment when I am with you.  Going by your metaphor, it is you who serves as my base in this terrifying game of tag.”  She smiles.  “I thought you knew that.  I feel like such a child, but I feel much safer when I am holding your hand.”

 _Wow..._  “I’ll hold your hand everywhere if you want.”

“No, I must learn to cross the street on my own.  I do appreciate the offer, though.”

“Thanks...”  You rub your neck.  “I just... want you to like being on the outside.  There’s great food.  Good people.  Once you get to know ‘em, and get past the awkward flirty introductions.  So, what do _you_ want?  Do you wanna drink?”

“Oh...  Since you are offering, I’d like some iced tea.  It’s in the refrigerator.  You can have whatever you like, too.”

You get yourself and Toriel cups of iced tea.  Toriel accepts her cup and lets you know that she’s happy to have you, but she’d like to read.  She has plenty of books if you’d like.  Next to her armchair, there’s a wide bookshelf.  You look at her selection.  There’s some cookbooks, facts about bugs, and fiction.  “Hey...”  You pick out a book with a flimsy, dog-eared paperback cover.  “This was my favorite book as a kid.”

Toriel puts down the magazine and joins you at the bookshelf.  “Oh... I used to love that book as well.  It’s a cute story.”

“A salty, stubborn teen who wants to protect her brother from a giant brain... I think I always had a bit of a problem.”

“Overassociate much?”

“Heck yes...  Wouldn’t read it again, though.  It’d ruin all my nostalgic memories and all I’d be able to notice are the heavy Christian themes.  Ruined Narnia for me, too.”

“Oh, I don’t see why the author’s intent should ruin a good story...”

“Hey, this is my other favorite childhood book!”  You pick out _So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish._  “Soon as I got over kid’s stories, this is what I got into.  Think I did my fourth grade book report on this one.  It was my favorite in the series.  You got the others?”

“There are more?”

“Tori, this is _part three.”_

“Fourth grade?  Are you sure?  That is quite advanced for someone of that age.”

“That’s just... what I was into.  The teacher only believed I wrote it because the paper was so sarcastic.  But what can I say.  I wanted to write it in the style of the book.”

“I want to see this book report.”

“She also told me not to write in comic sans.”

“She should be fired.”

“I think she died of a stroke.”

“Oh dear.”

You find the first book in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and show it to Toriel.  She says she didn’t know she had it.  “You must have read a lot...”

“Used to be all I ever did.  I was really into science fiction once.”

“I knew you were a bonehead,” says Toriel, “but I did not know that you were also a huge nerd!”  She picks up A Wrinkle in Time.  “I think I’m going to reread this...”

You take So Long and Thanks for All the Fish.  It’s been so many years.  Toriel returns to her armchair to read.  There’s no couch in the whole place, so you sit at the table.  This apartment was definitely furnished for one person.  You read in silence, and though the wooden chair isn’t very comfortable, it’s nice.  You’d forgotten what this is like.  Getting yourself immersed in another better, cooler world, with aliens and time travel.  Douglas Adams really gets you.  You and he share a certain nihilistic worldview that makes you feel like you’d be friends.

And the best part of this is that Toriel is right near you.  You’re not talking, or touching, just hanging out, and the silence is perfect.  She breaks it occasionally to yawn.  You don’t know why you gave this up.  You remember selling this book.  And until now, you never missed it.

You get a good thirty pages in when the sound of a light snore jolts you out of the story.  You look up from the book.  Toriel’s eyes are closed, her chin resting on her chest, her glasses hanging on the edge of her nose.  You can only imagine how exhausted she must have been.

You stand up and take the book from her lap, closing it and placing it down on the shelf.  It’s probably not polite to stay when your host has fallen asleep, but you can’t just go without saying goodbye somehow.

She breathes deeply.  Your heart is doing funny things in your chest.  You hope she’s having a good dream.  You carefully take a knitted blanket off of the back of the chair and spread it over her.  She doesn’t move.  You’re really good at this.  Moving like a silent shadow.  Not waking her up.  You hope she doesn’t mind.

Now, if you could just get your hands to stop shaking.  You lean over her and reach for her reading glasses.  You’re super stealthy.  You can do this.  Stealthily.  You lightly take hold of the end pieces, and slowly tug at them.  They slide millimeter by millimeter.  A little ways down, they stop moving.  You tug at them a little too hard.  Toriel stirs.  Her eyelids flutter.  You freeze in place, still clutching her glasses.  Her eyes blink open.

This is the first time you’ve seen her face beneath yours.  You don’t know why, it’s only hitting you now, but you’ve never noticed the color and shape of her eyes before.  She has long, light lashes framing pale, reddish-brown eyes.  You’ve never seen eyes like that before.  It was hard to see her eyes when you had to struggle just to see her face at all.  And now, it’s inches away from yours.

She stares up at you in a confused daze.  She blinks a couple times.  Then, suddenly, she leans forward.  The gap between your faces nearly closes, what are you supposed to do here—

You recoil.  In your panic, you draw back.

God.  Damn.   _Reflexes._

“Oh...”  Toriel’s head sinks back.  “I’m sorry... I suppose I must have... misinterpreted all of your signals...”

“No, you didn’t, I just uh... I just wasn’t ready.  Kinda took me by surprise, yknow?”

You laugh hesitantly.  Toriel just tried to kiss you, and you dodged it.  “Just... be honest with me,” she says.  “If you did not want—”

“No, no I promise you, I think it’s a great idea.”  Real smooth.  “I just gotta clear one thing up real fast, d’you actually like me.”

Toriel rolls her eyes.  “For the boy who wrote his fourth grade book report on the third book in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series, I thought you would be a little smarter and discover that a little sooner.  I certainly noticed it written all over _your_ face.”

This is completely backwards.  Most of the time, you can read other people like a book while giving nothing away yourself.  Everyone knew it, _you_ should have known, and you have to get over this and remember how to move.  “‘Kay, I get where you’re coming from.  But if we’re gonna do this, we gotta do this _right._  We have to set the mood first.”

You take out your phone and go on youtube.  You search up some 80’s porn music and hit play.  Sweet, sensual horns sound through the shitty speakers on your phone.  “What are you doing...?” Toriel asks.

“Setting the mood.”

“Sans,” Toriel laughs “this is terrible.”

You go over to the bookshelf and take down a couple dictionaries and a thick jokebook.  “Alright... these the thickest books you got?”

“What exactly are those for...?”

You put your phone down on the floor and stack the books on top of each other.  You step up onto them.  “Alright, Tori.  Now I’m ready.”

“Will you not take even this seriously?”  Toriel stands.

“Cmon.  You’re smiling.”

“I know.  And honestly, this _is_ why I like you.”

On your stack of books, you can meet her eye.  But... “Goddammit, you’re still taller than me.”

“I will always be taller than you.”

She smirks in her superior height.  Her eyes bore into yours.  She puts your hand on your shoulder.  You place yours on her waist. “Is this setting the mood?” she asks.

“Shh...”

Toriel leans forward again.  You take her hand.  You grab her back to support, then dip her.  Toriel gasps with surprise.  She starts laughing.  You hold onto her tight.  She looks up at you, you waggle your eyebrows.  Her eyes crinkle at the corners when she laughs.  It’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.   _She’s_ the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.  You close your eyes.

The music stops.

You kiss her while she’s still laughing.  You kiss her teeth.  Toriel turns her head.  “I-I was not ready...!” she giggles.

“Take two then.  Count of three?”

“Three.”

This time, you’re both prepared.  You press your lips against hers.  Your mind goes blank.  Your senses seem to explode and die, and it’s not until you both pull away that you register how that felt.  Soft, and warm, and you want a second chance to that you can feel it again.  Toriel blinks, looking as blank as you felt a second ago.

It takes a moment to recover your breath.  “Ha... haha...”  You kiss her again on the corner of her mouth.  “I love you,” you whisper.  You kiss her on the nose, on the forehead, on the eyelid, you want to kiss every inch of her you can see.

Toriel giggles and straightens up.  “Get down from there,” she says.  “You are going to fall.”

“Nah thanks, I like the view from up here.”

Toriel takes you under the arms, lifts you up, and places you on the floor.  “You’ll have plenty of chances to enjoy it in the future.”

You have to crane your neck to look up at her again.  “You’re... god, you’re so beautiful.”

“Thank you.”  Toriel pauses.  “Erm, I am waiting for the punchline.”

“Ha, what punchline?”

“Oh... the part where you reveal that this was all a joke...  Don’t... don’t mind me, it’s just hard to believe that anyone could fall for a paranoid old woman like me, afraid of her own shadow...  But it’d take a level of paranoia even greater than mine to think that _you_ have been merely making this all up.”

“Generally I’m more subtle than this.”

“You have been... extremely subtle.  I did not know if you acted so warm toward everyone, or if I was just special.”

“Course you’re special.”

“You are... incredible.”  She reddens, and bends down to pick up her books.  “And while we are on the subject, I could look at your eyes forever.”

“I know.  They’re weird.”

“I only saw them in pictures.  I have read countless descriptions of beautiful blue eyes, but those were all irises, how unoriginal.  Anyone can fall in love with a pair of bright blue irises, blue like the sea, or the sky, or whatever stupid simile they use, I cannot believe no one has thought to describe a pair of cloudy blue sclera.”

“Way to romanticize a crippling disability.”  You grin.  “Your eyes are nice too, Ms. Albino.”

“Oh, you.”  Toriel puts her books down on the shelf and bends down to plant a kiss to your forehead.  Your heart skips a beat.  Without warning, you lose balance in your legs and pitch forward.

Toriel catches you by the arms.  “Are you alright...?  Is your leg still—”

“Nah, you just make me weak in the knees.”

“I hope it is just me and you aren’t injured again,” Toriel sighs.  “I wish... we had somewhere to sit.”

You limp over to the armchair and gesture to it.  “Have a seat.”

Toriel seems puzzled, but sits.  You jump onto her lap and slide your arm around her shoulders.  “So.  What happens now.”

“Whatever you like, I suppose.”

“Well, in the long run, I meant.”

“You told me not to think about that.  So I am not thinking about it.”

“Okay, that’s cool.”

You sit on the armchair.  You kiss again, talk, laugh at stupid things that make no sense, you’ve only felt this lightheaded and happy when you were high.  But this, this doesn’t give you the feeling that you’ll wake up feeling like shit tomorrow.  You’ll wake up wondering if it was all just a good dream.  You never thought you could feel like this without any stimulants.  After a while, Toriel’s eyes start to droop.  She yawns.

“Should I, uh—”

“Sans...”

“Yeah.”

“When was it that you began to have feelings for me...?  I cannot pinpoint the exact moment, was it when you ran after me after I evacuated the coffee shop...?”

“I think... heh, it was probably the first time I heard your voice.”

“That long ago...?  You certainly _are_ more subtle than I gave you credit for.”

“What about you.”

“I cannot tell...” she mutters sleepily.  “It was... that first time you called me after I told you about my children...  When you refused to let me sleep until I felt better.  That was when I realized, at least, that I would never meet anyone like you ever again.  And that you were genuine… not a personality fabricated over the internet.  It had not struck me until then that you were a real person.”

“Not even when you held my hand?”

“That...  Oh, I am too tired to remember.  Sans, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

You laugh.  You try to hide the tears that start leaking out of your eyes, the heightened emotions are making you a mess.  “Glad I lasted this long, then.”

“I told you that you were strong.  I don’t think you believed me.  You should have...”

“I love you.”

“I forgot to say it earlier, didn’t I?  I was too worried that you would fall and hurt yourself.”  Toriel smiles sleepily.  “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The horrible abomination 3>8888D is actually an emoticon, which, to any non-homestuck, just looks like mindless keysmashing. While it is, in fact, a combination of Vriska's and Feferi's emoticons. ::::)+38)=3888) How can Sans tell what it is? Well, he can read expressions very well.
> 
> The "appraise" and "apprise" thing is based on a true story. Happened to my sister in her English class.
> 
> The lesson of this chapter is don't call people ableist or neurotypical or cishet unless you know their stories. Or at least, don't make callout posts. Don't be like Toriel because for all you know, that kid you just called ableist could be afflicted with osteogenesis imperfecta.
> 
> ANYWAY I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY GUYS I HOPE YOU'RE FUCKING HAPPY 21 CHAPTERS AND LIKE 300 PAGES IN I CAN FINALLY, OFICIALLY CALL THIS A SORIEL FIC WITHOUT FEELING LIKE I'M LYING. THE SORIEL IS SOREAL. NOW IM GOING TO GO HYPERVENTILATE OH SHITTING GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE IT TOOK THIS LONG BUT IT FINALLY HAPPENED


	22. It's All Asgore's Fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Old Woman Yells At Cloud

 “I told her to have you home by eleven.”

Papyrus folds up a newspaper and puts it down on the table.  He glares at you disapprovingly.  “How can I trust this girl if she returns you at such an ungodly hour?  I’m calling off the marriage.”

“Whuh...”  You grin lazily at him.  You have no idea what he’s saying.

“Nevermind, nyeh heh, I’m totally kidding!  You look like you had a great time!  How was it?  Do I throw a smashing party or what?”

“Haaaa... you shoulda stayed.  It was really great...”

You wander over to the fridge, humming tunelessly, and grab yourself a bottle of ketchup.  You chug it while Papyrus looks on suspiciously.  You sigh contentedly, and Papyrus wordlessly hands you a napkin.  You wipe your face, then finish the rest of the bottle.  “So good,” you whisper.  “Bro, you want whatever’s left?”

Papyrus takes the bottle and throws it in the trash.  “So?  You didn’t tell me how it went!  What were some of the highlights?  The lowlights?  The bud lights?”

“The _best_ part was the after party,” you say.  “Glad you missed it though...”  You let out a loud, satisfying belch.  “Bro, you know what I love doing?”

“Burping?  There are a few things I know you like doing...”

 _“Living._  Being alive, man.  It’s the best.”

You throw yourself down into a chair and sigh.  “Okay,” says Papyrus, “what happened?  Did someone sneak illegal substances into the party?”

“Nope.”

“Did you... get hit in the head?”

“Nope....”

“Did something happen with Toriel?!”

“Nooooope.”

“I will get the answer out of you somehow!  I’m not sure whether to be worried or pleased...  I guess I’ll know if you wake up with a hangover.”

Papyrus makes you go to bed before you fall asleep in your chair.  You hum something corny and romantic on the way.  Papyrus keeps guessing, you keep denying everything.  He tells you to brush your teeth, because god knows what’s made you this happy.  You spend ten minutes brushing and flossing and rinsing because good oral hygiene will probably improve your kissing experience.  Toriel will appreciate it.

You wander into Papyrus’s room accidentally on your way to bed.  Papyrus turns you around and tells you your room is the other way.

“Wha...”

“Please go and sleep this off.”

“But... your bed is so much closer...  Let’s trade.”

“I will not have you puking in my clean racecar bed!  If you want a racecar bed, you will have to get one for yourself.  Which is probably a good idea.  You do need a proper bed.  Maybe that’s what’s been causing you back pain!  We should get you a better mattress or at least a memory foam topper...”

He goes on and on and on.  It’s not until you crawl into bed and cover your whole self with the blanket that he gets the hint and finally stops talking.  He reminds you to stay hydrated, and says he’ll leave an aspirin and a bottle of water next to your bed in the morning.

The door shuts, you giggle to yourself alone, clutching the pillow.  Screw the fancy cane, Toriel gave you the best birthday present you could have asked for.

You can’t sleep for at least an hour.  You’re too giddy to sleep, but when you finally do, you have a weird dream about meeting Toriel for the first time again, except this time she reveals herself to have really been David Tennant all along.  After making out with David Tennant in the TARDIS you wake up in a cold sweat.

Your dream fades, you remember what really happened, and even if wasn’t David Tennant, Toriel’s pretty cool too.  You ignore the aspirin next to your bed and down the bottle of water.  Then, you get up and brush your teeth.  You change into something clean and go downstairs to meet Papyrus for breakfast.  He’s not here.  You check the time.  Papyrus isn’t late, you’re early.

This is a first.  Maybe a second.  Today is a good day.  You search through your cabinets and find a frying pan.  Might as well make him breakfast to repay all the favors he’s done for you.  Papyrus finds you frying eggs and humming and demands to know who you are and what you did with his brother.

It’s the first time you’ve made him breakfast, and the first time you’ve ever woken up feeling just as good as when you went to sleep.

☠☠☠

Toriel is exhausted.  She doesn’t have the energy to go out anywhere, so you meet her at her place.  She comes to the door wrapped in a shawl, looking slightly ill.  You ask her how she’s feeling.

“I did not have enough time to recharge from the festivities before school,” she says.  “I needed at least a weekend, but... I did not want to miss any classes.  Missing classes in the summer isn’t wise, they’re...”  She yawns.  “They are much longer than a normal semester... since they’re all packed into a month...”

“Damn.  Hope you didn’t get molested again today.”

“No, not today, though I flinched every time someone came near me...  Oh.  Forgive my rudeness, please come in.”

You enter and the first thing you notice is a pile of homework on Toriel’s kitchen table, with her reading glasses lying next to it.  “Glad I got myself outa that one,” you say, remembering your years of pushing off your homework until the very last second.

“Oh, it’s not so bad, it is pretty easy, actually.  But that’s only because I am so wise in my old age.”

“Well, let’s forget about that crap for a while.  Guess what.  In celebration of us, guess what I did.”

“Um... would you offer a hint?”

You dump a grocery bag on her table.  “I got you flours, babe.”

There’s all-purpose and cake flour.  Toriel laughs.  Neither of you want to waste a perfectly good gift, so you get right to baking.  Toriel is in the mood for apple pie.  You learn a lot.  It’s possible to make pie shells from scratch.  You never would have imagined.  Baking is also 100% more fun when you’re not alone.  Toriel’s started to look less ill.  A healthy pink color’s returned to her face as you come up with terrible pie puns.

“You're the apple of my pie.”

“My pie making skills are a little crusty.”

“Out of all the deserts, pie is the most filling.”

You make two pies.  One of them is for her english class, she says those poor kids need it to brighten up their long day.  One of them is for you to share.

Toriel has very deft hands.  She artfully weaves lattices on top of her english class’s pie, you try to do the same for your pie, but it winds up looking like a five year old did it.  Toriel says it’s lovely.

After you stick the pies in the oven, Toriel picks up a phone and begins typing.

“Who’re you texting?” you ask.

Toriel’s mouth curls into a smirk.

“Wait a minute—  Is that _my_ phone?”

“Is it?”

“Wh-what are you doing?!  Are you texting my friends?”

Toriel smiles.  You swipe for your phone.  Toriel holds it up, just out of your reach.  “What’s wrong, Sans?”

“G-Give it back!”

“You can take it if you want.”  Toriel places your phone up on a high shelf.  “Go ahead.”

“This is ableist behavior.”  You get a chair from around the table and return to the kitchen.  You climb up, and look at that, your phone’s gone.  Toriel smiles sweetly.  “I’m calling the police.”

“Perhaps if you were a little less rude, I’d be more inclined to return your cellular phone.”

Your eye twitches.  “Can I please have my phone back.”

“By all means!”  

Toriel hands you your phone and giggles.  You light up the screen, and open up to your text messages—  Oh god, she’s sent one to Papyrus.

 

_*Hello!  This is Sans.  Just texting to say I love you!! :)_

 

“Tori, what is this slander.”

“You will thank me someday,” she says smugly.

“This... this isn’t even how I type.”

“Really?  I thought it sounded exactly like something you would say!  Only far more direct and honest.”

“I don’t use caps!  Or punctuation or... or fucking _emoticons..._  There’s no way he’s gonna fall for this.”

Your phone buzzes.

 

_*I DON’T KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM BUT THANK YOU.  I LOVE YOU TOO!!_

 

“Welp...” you mutter as Toriel looks over your shoulder, “think he suspected _something_ was up...”

Toriel has a good cackle at your expense as you stare at your phone, utterly mortified.  You could bake the pies on your face.  This is the worst day of your life.  “Toriel, _why._  What did I ever do to you.  I thought I was pretty nice...  Why would you betray me like this.”

 _“I_ think I did the opposite of betray you.  Admit it, you would have said it yourself long ago if not for your fragile, delicate, hardened exterior.  Do not be so afraid to show vulnerability.”

“Whoa.  Whoa, I have _no_ idea where that’s coming from.  I am _so_ vulnerable.”

“Mm _hmmmmmm.”_

“Don’t give me that smug, sultry look!”  Toriel snorts.  “Ha... haha...”  So you’ll only have to deal with the consequences once you get home.  That’s fine, you didn’t need your dignity anyway.  You put your phone in your back pocket so that Toriel will have no access to it without explicit permission to reach down and take it.

Toriel asks what you should do while waiting for the pies to come out.  There isn’t much to do around here, she begins saying, and you remind her there’s a world of things to do on the internet.  You cuddle up on her armchair and watch old episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  Toriel’s never seen an episode before, she’s only heard of them on the news.  You spend the next 20 minutes in satisfying peals of laughter until the oven timer goes off.  Toriel gets up to take out the pies, and you breathe in the spicy smell of cinnamon.

Watching Kim yelling at her sisters only stays entertaining for so long.  You spend five minutes laughing at her running mascara until you realize Toriel hasn’t been looking at the screen.  She’s watching you, smiling, you grin back, and the laptop winds up forgotten on the floor while you kiss to the sound of Kim Kardashian having a tantrum.

You share a couple soft, gentle kisses, then Toriel starts getting grabby.  She grips the back of your head, so you kiss harder.  Her lips part, she withdraws for only a fraction of a moment to lock lips again, you put your hand on her face, sweeping across her cheekbone, Toriel seems to like that, and you feel a tug at your hair as she grips it tighter.

You’ve kissed before, you’ve kissed many people, but it’s never felt like this.  You feel lightheaded, starved for breath, but you don’t want to stop.  You crave her more than you crave air.  It’s clear, she has much, much more experience than you.  You thought you could prove to her that you’ve got it too, but you really can’t breathe.  You pull away.

“Too much?” Toriel asks.  “Too soon?”

“Nope, these trombone playing lungs... just need a rest.”

“I see...”  Toriel smirks at you.  “So, if your only other love was for a nurse when you were five, does that mean that I snagged your first kiss?”  

“Ha.  Welp.  Sorry Tori, pretty sure I’ve made out with everyone you met last night.”

Toriel blinks.  “I... cannot tell if that is a joke, but I thought... for someone with no romance in his life, you were an oddly good kisser...”

“I learned from _experience._ If you think you’re intense, lemme tell you, nothing’s more intense than kissing Bigmouth.  He literally swallowed half my face.  Looked like the Kylie Jenner challenge gone wrong afterwards.”

“Who is... nevermind, _why?”_

“What can I say?”  You shrug.  “I’m a loving guy.  ‘Sides, we were all drunk.  You never leaned up to your totally platonic friendbuddies to give ‘em a passionate, platonic smooch?”

“Erm, no.”

“Made Drunk Bunny’s night.  Too bad she didn’t remember it next day.  Ah, those were the days.  Haven’t got that plastered in a while.  Not enough alcohol in the world for Ugly, though...  Always skipped over Ugly, far as I know.  Poor Ugly.  It...”  You slow down.  Maybe it’s kinda... rude to tell your new girlfriend about all your kissing experience?  “It really... didn’t mean anything.  It was just us bein’ dumb...”

“Your friendships are... odd.”

“Yeah, I know.  Heh, they probably got more action from me than anyone.  Kinda owed them the favor.”

“But what if they took it the wrong way,” Toriel says, “and thought you were serious?  Did they all know it was... merely casual kissing?”

“You know _why_ I did it?  Sad reason, Tori.  Shock value.  Cheap shock value.  It was all for the laughs.  I had a great many laughs.  Sure I couldn’t get their unique flavors out of my throat for weeks, but they all found it funny.”

Toriel shakes her head.  “So it means nothing to you...  What is the furthest you would platonically go with someone?”

She sounds mildly disgusted.  “Heheh... if it means anything, you were my soberest kiss ever.  All that BS about first kisses bein’ special...  If anyone asked me from today on who my first kiss was, I’d say it was you.”

Toriel smiles.  She wraps her arm around you, then it hits you.  Why’s Toriel so concerned about her being your first kiss when you obviously weren’t hers.  Those lips— Fluffybuns’s mouth has been there.  You’ve heard of licking things to claim them as yours, and damn, you just smooched your old boss’s ex wife.

You are dating Fluffybuns’s ex wife.  Fluffybuns’s ex is currently leaning her head on yours, instead of her ex husband’s broad, powerful shoulder.  You want more than ever to know what happened.  Why she’s downgraded from Fluffybuns to you.  Someone under five feet tall, in his twenties and already using a cane to walk.

You want to ask.  You don’t ask.  Toriel hates talking about her past.  For now, she just wants you, and you’re fine with that.  

☠☠☠

Papyrus meets you at the front door, looking smug.  “So, Sans, what have you and Toriel been up to today?”

“We made out in her chair,” you tell him casually.  “Oh yeah and we also made pie.  I brought you back a slice.”

“How generous!”  Papyrus snickers, then you remember why.

“Oh god.  About that—”

“About that text?  I would have never expected that coming from you!”  On your way inside Papyrus smacks you so hard on the back that the wind gets knocked out of you for a few seconds.

“Look, Toriel stole my phone, she—”

“You don’t have to deny it, brother, I always knew you were a fluffy sap at heart!  So you finally admit you and Toriel are performing romantic acts, you’re in love!  Of course you’re acting more lovey-dovey than usual!  Your heart is expanding.”

You walk straight to the fridge, avoiding his eye.  Papyrus follows you.  “Stop acting so aloof, take pride in your feelings!  C’mere!”

He grabs you around the middle and lifts you off your feet in the most strangling hug you’ve ever been hugged with.  “Can’t breathe,” you choke.

“Nyeheh...”  He squeezes you tighter.

 _Damn you, Toriel,_ you think.  Papyrus sets you down, and hugs you again from the front.  You awkwardly pat his back.  You’re mortified, but hey, this isn’t exactly a bad thing.  You missed out on at least seven years of quality hugs since you were whisked off to be Gaster’s unpaid assistant in college, Toriel’s just given you more opportunities.  Maybe she did the right thing.

“Yeah, you’re right, I love you and I’m a freaking sap.”

“Yes, you’re definitely a sap.”

“You’re the best.”

No one’s going to let you do your job.  Urgent hugs are much more important, but that’s fine, you’d rather doing that than working anyway.  What ever happened to snuggling under a homemade blanket fort while making shadow puppets on the underside of your shared bunk bed?  Something went wrong along the way, adulthood happened and you stopped doing fun things.  And apparently being cuddly with your favorite bro was considered “childish” or something.

Well, screw whoever made these rules.  Since you’ve gone into hug-withdrawal, your mental health has plummeted.  That makes sense.  Papyrus nuzzles against you, he’s _really_ happy, you haven’t seen him this happy in a long time, and that’s saying a lot because he makes up for all the energy you lack.

“I’m pretty sure I do like Toriel after all!” he says.  “Since she came here, I haven’t seen you stop smiling!  And not that creepy empty smile you always have, a _real_ smile that doesn’t look like it belongs on a jack-o-lantern!”

“Hey, you don’t hear me insulting your smile.”

“And you finally admit that you’re together!  How long has it been?”

“Since uh, last night.”

Papyrus snickers again.  “I _knew_ I’d throw a great party.”

You bring your laptop to the couch to work.  Papyrus brings his computer down to go job hunting, and takes breaks to watch Mettaton videos.

One of his rants is interrupted when, in the background, you hear something that sounds an awful lot like the Mew Mew Kissy Cutie theme go off in the background.  A tiny voice, nearly impossible to make out, apologizes.  “It’s _fine,_ darling,” Mettaton drawls, turning back to his audience and sighing in annoyance.

Nah, you’re just imagining things, seeing Alphys everywhere the same way you dream about the kid in the striped shirt murdering everyone you know.   You sit back to back, Papyrus taps you on the shoulder every few minutes to show you something funny.  You doze off a bit against him, it’s just like old times.

“Sans...”

You look at the corner of your computer screen.  It’s nearing midnight.  “Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

“It just hit me.”

“Hm.”

“That’s _Asgore’s ex wife_ you’re smooching.”

“Little slow there.”

“But...”

“Hey, I know what you’re thinking, Asgore’s a sexy beast, we’re all thinking it.  Where did they go wrong?  Hell if I know.  I didn’t even know they had anything to do with each other till last sunday.”

“Asgore’s specific level of sexiness wasn’t on my mind,” he says.  “What I was remembering were the times he invited me to his house after dad died.  He was extremely nice...”

“Did you ever meet Toriel?”

“I don’t remember.  I don’t think so...”  You can’t see his face, but you feel his shoulders slump.  “But you know what this means, don’t you?”

“Her standards have fallen.”

“She knew dad!”

“Okay.”

“He and Asgore were close buddies!  Maybe, Toriel knows something about him that we don’t.”

“Why, are we investigating his death or something?  Dude I was _there._  Don’t know what’s left to learn, I already told you everything.”

“Sorry I brought it up,” he mutters.  He sighs.  You put down your laptop and turn around.

“Heyyyyy...”  You put your hand on his shoulder.  You smile.  You’re not bothered, you say, you get where he’s coming from, it’s all good, it’s all cool, you don’t mind him asking.  He asks if she knows about who your dad is, and what you had with him.

“Never came up in conversation.”

“If only you two used _names_ in your conversations, you would have discovered all this a lot sooner!  If you had mentioned Undyne or dad by name, or if she mentioned _anything_ about Asgore...  You two could have been living right next to each other and you would have never realized it!”

“Ha, I know.”

“We practically _were_ living right next to them!  Oh my _god,_ Sans!”

Maybe that’s true, but you really don’t want to get into this right now.  You wrap your arms around him and squeeze tight.  “What are you doing,” he says.

“I love you, man.”

Papyrus twists around to hug you back, looking both pleased and confused, and good job you got him distracted.  

You didn’t think about this.  You don’t want to think about it.  But hell, now that you’re thinking about it, no wonder Toriel and Asgore didn’t last.  Anyone who was friends with the old man...  Maybe they shared similar parenting tactics.  Asgore didn’t seem the type, but he could have been worse than Gaster for all you knew.  Maybe Toriel found out he was secretly abusing the kids and left him.

She said he didn’t abuse _her..._  You almost want to go back in your texts and investigate, but you don’t have any business trying to go into her past.  You lie in bed for hours, wishing you could stop thinking, until you fall into an uneasy sleep where your favorite striped kid visits you.

This dream is a weird one.  They spare your brother, but go on to slaughter everyone else. Papyrus becomes the king.  You tell him everyone went on vacation.  He misses Undyne, but you’re too relieved to see him alive to think about her much.

You know how he feels, though.

You wish the old lady behind the door would knock back.

☠☠☠

“Knock knock.”

A tap on the shoulder and a soft whisper jar you out of a peaceful doze.  You’d been waiting on this bench so long you fell asleep.  You crane your neck to smile lazily up at Toriel.  She has a wide-brimmed sunhat on, and she’s holding out her hand to you.  “Shall we?” she says.

You take her hand, and you walk to your favorite shady spot of the meadow.  She sits, you sit next to her, and the silence lasts for too long before you sneeze.  “Allergic to pollen?” she asks.

“Nah, allergic to silence.  How’s it going.”

“I feel much better today.  My English class enjoyed the pie.”

Good, you say, and you should probably say more, but words aren’t flowing off the tongue as easily as they should with Toriel.  It seems like, since you started holding hands all the time, your gaps in conversation have grown longer.  “Tori,” you say, lying back in the dirt, “do you believe in a phenomenon known as fate.”

“I believe the universe has strange ways of working...  But it is hard to say if amazing things happen because they were preordained.  I prefer to just... take life’s blessings when I can, without thinking about it too much.  Otherwise... you begin to wonder about everything...  Like what you did to deserve the awful things that life hits you with.  If all of time has already been decided, it’s sometimes... too cruel to believe.  Where is this coming from?”

“Science rules that the universe happens at random,” you say.  “But I think fate tastes like gingersnap cookies.”  You grin.  “That’s gotta be the most pretentious thing I ever said.  Please kill me.”

“Oh please, you’ve said plenty of pretentious things.”

“I’m just thinking about the fact that we probably passed each other all the time without knowing it.  You remember my old boss, don’t you?  He used to hang out over at your place a lot.  Said you were a great cook.”  You wink at her, recalling this detail right as you say it.

“Yes...  He was a good man.  What happened to you must have been terrible.  I’m very sorry you had to watch it.”

“Heh, watch what?”

“You were there when it happened, were you not?  When he died.”

“Me ‘n my old buddy Alphys.  Watched the whole thing.”  You sigh happily and roll over onto your side, facing her.  “Must’ve been worse for his kids though.  Had himself a couple sons.”

“Yes...  Those poor boys.  They were not children, but... it still must have been hard to cope with without a mother.  I do not believe Dr. Gaster ever married.  I hope his boys are alright now.”

“You ever met them?”

“No.  Did you?”

“Yeah.  They were uh, ‘bout my age.  You could say we were pretty close.  One of them was like a brother to me.”  You’ve never, ever had such a hard time keeping a straight face.  “Other one, though.  I hated him.  He was a real asshole.”

“I heard very much about him,” Toriel says, her eyes narrowing.  “He gave his poor old father a very hard time.  A genius, apparently, but a royal terror.”

“Just goes to show, bein’ smart doesn’t necessarily make you a good person.  But yeah.  He was a rebel.  Ever heard about the time he hacked into his school’s PA system and played What’s New Pussycat on repeat for hours?”

Toriel snorts.  “That sounds like it would get old very fast...  This is the boy you hated?  It sounds like you two should have been friends.”

“Nah, I hated his guts.  He’s probably what drove his dad to an early grave.  He used to fight with him all the time...  Over stupid things like, heh, not wanting to play sudoku with his brother?  Asking him for help in the lab?  What a jerk.”

“Oh, you do not even know the half of it.  He once had a tantrum and tried to kill his entire family.”

“Whoa.  What.”

“He once dropped a bottle of chlorhidric acid and drove them out of the house.  On purpose!  They had to evacuate and sleep in a motel for a week!”

“What the hell.  Why would anyone do that.”

“Who knows.  It’s hard to understand the mind of a troublemaker.  He wanted attention, I suspect.”

“Hey,” you say, “what if like, the kid wasn’t actually a troublemaker?  What if he like, dropped that bottle to stop his brother from getting beaten to death or something?”

“I... what?”

“You never know.  There could have been a perfectly reasonable explanation.”  You chuckle at yourself.  “Ha, nevermind, I’m really stretching, aren’t I?  Just tryin’ to see it from his point of view, but you’re right.  There’s no good reason for tryna murder your family.”

Toriel frowns.  “He must not have loved his brother very much if he was constantly trying to steal attention.  Dr. Gaster said that he used to glare at him every time he so much as went near his other son.  He would run away from home...”

“Yeah, the old man and his brother had to look for him all night.  Heh, got himself arrested for getting drunk with friends and making a scene.”

“Teenagers...”

“I know, right?  Heh, what was his name again?”

“Oh gosh, it was _years_ ago, my memory is not that good... I think one of them was... Sam, or something, I cannot remember for the life of me what the other one was—”

You roll over onto your other side, choking on your laughter.  Toriel touches your shoulder, concerned.  “Sans, are you alright?”

“Sam...”  You pull yourself together and turn back over.  “Ha, yeah that was his name!  Sam!”  You’re totally gonna blow your own cover.  “You _sure_ you don’t remember the other one’s name?”

“I don’t know if I even got to hear it.  Dr. Gaster was so spent on getting his son out of trouble that he had no time to think about his brother.  He had odd ways of antagonizing him, first by raising hell at school and when that got old, he took up gambling.  Gambling, as a teenager!  And did you hear what he did with the money?”

“Don’t tell me.  He bought himself a whole lotta drugs.”

“No, for some reason this upset the doctor very much, but...  He bought a tuba and joined the school band, just to antagonize him!  I’m... not sure exactly why he was so—”

“Trom _bone,_ Tori.  There’s a difference.”

Wait.  You haven’t mentioned that you’ve played the trombone to Toriel, have you?  “Trombone...” Toriel repeats quietly.  Her eyes widen.  “He mentioned that... he wished they would fight like normal children, instead of...  Oh my god, leaving sticky notes all over the house!”

“Welp, looks like the cat’s outa the bag.  I had fun, how ‘bout you.”

“But then...  Have you been lying to me about your last name?  I should have known the name _Bones_ was too ironic to be real—”

“Nah, I changed it.  Remember how I said we had a lot in common?  Neither of us wanna have anything to do with the douchey men who we used to share a name with.  I got it changed before he died.”

“So you are—”  Toriel sits up suddenly.  “You are actually _sans Gaster.”_

“That’s right, Toriel Dreemurr,” you say with a wink.

“No, you are actually sans Gaster.  You missed out on the chance to be a living pun.  Sans Bones, that doesn’t even—  Well, I suppose with a lower than average bone density...”

“No, I’m Sam!”  You crack up, doubling over and clutching your sides.  “Sam the Skeleton!”

“Oh, hush.”  Toriel’s not laughing.  “Why did you let me say such insensitive things?  I wish you had just told me.  I’m... not amused.”

“And miss out on the opportunity to talk shit about myself?  Nah.”

“I don’t like that type of humor.  You know this.  I don’t like it at all.”

“What’s...”  You stop laughing and look up at her face.  She seems deeply troubled by something.  “What’s the problem?  You look... kinda pissed.”

“Were you serious?” she asks.  “Preventing your brother from being beaten to death?”

“What makes you think I wasn’t just making a joke?”

“Because you would _never_ try to kill Papyrus on purpose!” Toriel cries.  She looks you in the eye.  “Tell me, did that man abuse you both?  Because the way you spoke about him in the text messages...  Had I known while he was still alive I would have never let that go on!”

“Hey, abuse is a strong word, he was kind of a dick but I wouldn’t wanna say he was _abusive._  Worst he ever did probably was threaten to kill Papyrus if I ever quit on him, but to be fair I wasn’t the easiest kid.”

“I am,” she says, “going to _kill_ Asgore!”

“What.”

“He invited that man into the house!  I didn’t know anything about him, I... I served him dinner!  I never would have suspected he was guilty of child abuse, I let him hold my son!”

For some reason, the image of Dr. Gaster holding a baby strikes you as amusing.  But if the kid was Toriel’s kid, that just brings it right back to disturbing.  “He held Asriel when he was only a couple weeks old, and do you know what he said to me?”  She pauses.  You don’t think she’s asking for a response, so you don’t give her one.  “‘I’m sorry to see he shares your condition.’  It was... the first comment he made.”

You can hear the words coming right out of his mouth.  Telling a woman who’s carried a child inside her for nine months, probably paranoid that it would come out early and dead, that he felt sorry for the kid for inheriting his mom’s skin condition.  No wonder Toriel hates how she looks.  You didn’t think you could hate the old man more, but wow, you wish you could kill him all over again.  “Wish I’d known about that.  Woulda stopped him from abusing you, too.”

Toriel reaches out.  Too suddenly, she picks you up and next thing you know you’re swept up into her arms as she squeezes you tightly.  “I’m so sorry,” she whispers.

You tense up, not knowing how to react to this.  “Ha, about what?”

“Everything you must have been through... and I was so close by.  You _and_ your brother, would kind of miserable creature would hurt Papyrus?”

“I know, right?  Me I can understand, but he’d never hit me—”

“Shush,” Toriel whispers.  “I no longer want to hear you talk badly of yourself.  You are an extremely good person and I love you very much.”

“Ok.”

You close your eyes and let your muscles relax.  Toriel may rival Papyrus for best hugger.  Papyrus has the skills, he has the technique, but he’s not nearly as soft.  You sigh, breathing in the smell of dirt.  “I love you too, Tori,” you say.

“Screw staying in hiding, I am going to march right back to the capital and _murder_ Asgore.  I should have known, seeing as he never checks the background of the people he hires...”

“Eh, forget about him.  He was probably just as led on by him as you were.  I just... forgot to ask.”  You nestle in more comfortably for what you know is coming.  “Did he say _anything_ about Papyrus?”

“Sweet kid, but not very bright.  That was about the gist of it...  He did say he wished they had more time to spend together.  He once bought tickets to some sort of race to surprise him with, but he could not go in the end because...  Well, I think either _you_ went missing or he was too busy...”  She pauses.  “So he adopted you both and mistreated you... what a monster.”

“He... you’re saying he actually _wanted_ to spend time with him?  He thought he was useless.”

“Did he?  Are you... can you be really sure about that?  Even the most evil of people can experience emotional bonds from time to time…”

 _I don’t hate him,_ he said.  At his most honest, vulnerable moment.  If he really hated Papyrus as much as you thought he did, he would have told you the moment he told you everything else he was feeling.  “So he might’ve actually liked him...”  This whole time, you thought you were protecting him.  But no, you were probably just making it up...

“He didn’t deserve him, and he did not deserve you, either.  If he beat him often, I think it is safe to assume that you did not do a bad thing by stealing attention.”

“It was only once, far as I know.  And maybe... my memories are just skewed...”  How hard did he hit him?  Were they little warning slaps, or full-on  punches?  You remember his face being a mess the next day.  He had a black eye.  That you’re sure you didn’t make up...  “Then again, he threatened to kill him.  Make his life hell, he said...”

“Those could have been empty threats.”

“Course they were.  You’re right.  He had nothing against Papyrus.  He woulda told me if he did...”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Pap just wanted a relationship with his dad.  He coulda had one...  They might’ve been friends.”

“Shhh.”

“Wonder what would’ve happened,” you say, “if I’d’ve just played along.  Only reason he was such a dick is because I never let him be a dad.  He said it himself, maybe he was right.  If I’da stepped off my high horse, we could’ve been a normal family.”

“Based on what, the fact that he described Papyrus as a ‘sweet kid?’  So what if he never would have followed through, he still made those threats.  That is outright manipulation.”

“If... if he was serious, he would have done _something_ to show me he meant business.  God I shoulda known he wouldn’t’ve acted out.”

“Planning a murder _is_ a bit extreme.  And easy to investigate.  Following through with such a threat would be—”

“Completely impossible!”  You laugh.  How stupid were you, thinking he’d really do it?  “He’da gotten arrested, lost his precious position, there’s no way in hell he’d go through with anything he said he’d do.”

“Do not blame yourself.  I will not allow it.”

“Hey, maybe what the old man did was terrible, but it’s not like that makes _me_ completely innocent—”

“He abused his power.  It is a common tactic of abusers, to make their victims blame themselves.  I have not met a single victim who did not think they deserved it to some extent, or questioned if what they lived through was really abuse.  It’s disgusting.  Absolutely disgusting.”

“No matter how you look at it, I—”

“No matter how you look at it, _nothing._  It is over.  He was in a position of power over you, you had no reason to suspect he would not carry out all the things he threatened to do.  And to think.  I did not spike that broccoli casserole he so enjoyed with arsenic.  Forgive me for not poisoning him.”

You picture the scene in your head, you laugh, and you can’t help it, you find yourself in tears.  You thought you were over this, but no matter what, the old man will keep coming back to haunt you when you least expect it.  Toriel kisses your head.  You wish someone would admonish you right now, instead of this _no baby, you were fine, you did nothing wrong,_ it’s just making you feel stupid.

“Listen,” Toriel says softly.  “If you need someone to blame, blame Asgore.”

“What’s Fluffybuns gotta do with this.”

“Trust me, it’s cathartic.  I have a little game that I like to play with myself.  It’s called _Fuck You Asgore._  When the sun is especially bright, for instance, I curse a sunny day with a passionate, FUCK YOU, ASGORE!”

A couple birds flutter out of their trees in a panic.  “Think the Slime kids mighta heard that,” you say, shifting into a more comfortable position.  “Does this game have rules.”

“Yes.  The rule is that no matter what, it is always Asgore’s fault.  Try it.  Speak your mind and blame Asgore.”

“Milk has all the vitamins I need but it tastes like puke.  So uh, fuck you Asgore for that?  What is Asgore, some kind of god?”

“Some cruel, unreasonable deity who plagues your life with unnecessary nuisances.  Fuck you, Asgore for all the yellow flowers in this field.”

“Fuck you Asgore for every time Papyrus has cried.”

“Fuck you Asgore for that, too!  Fuck you Asgore for every time I was violated last week, first by a child and then a drunk woman, your cruelty knows no bounds!”

“Uh, fuck you Asgore for raising the price of ketchup.”

Toriel gives you a little push.  You roll off of her, and Toriel runs out into the meadow, right into the sun.  “FUCK YOU, ASGORE!” she yells, her arms raised to the sky.  She runs back into the shade and sits down.  “Well, I don’t know about you, but I feel much better.  Why don’t you try yelling?  Stretch your vocal cords, perhaps he will hear it from his giant mansion in the Capital.”

“No can do,” you say.  “I am physically incapable of screaming.  Even shows through in the texts, ever noticed that I never use capital letters.”

“Yes, I thought it was just...”

“‘Cause I was lazy?” you wink.  “Nope, I got a smartphone, default setting is to capitalize the first letter in a sentence.  I turned off that function.  It’s a _statement.”_

“But why...?  What has made you physically unable to raise your voice?”

“Papyrus suspects something to do with childhood neglect...  It’s all about the first year of life.  Since he had a mom and I didn’t, that’s what he thinks fucked me up and made him wind up completely normal.  So it’s moms that give your vocal cords power, I guess, since most of the time he screams instead of talking, and Undyne has two moms and screams about everything.”

Toriel frowns.  “Fuck you Asgore,” she says, “for terrible foster care systems.”

“It’s okay, soon as Undyne gets married she’s gonna adopt all the orphans and other kids with shitty parents.  Next generation’s gonna be loud.”

“I wish I had given her more of a chance,” Toriel sighs.  “Maybe I was a bit overprotective...  Then again, it is all Asgore’s fault.”

“Course it is.”

“Fuck you, Asgore...”

Even though you have nothing against the guy, you and Toriel spend a romantic evening together spooning on the forest floor and cursing Asgore Dreemurr’s name.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if you thought this chapter was gonna explain shit originally it was supposed to actually EXPLAIN her backstory with asgore but as usual it got too long SO yeah next chapter. next chapter.
> 
> "Fuck you Asgore" is a little like "thanks obama." I bet Asgore plays "fuck you asgore" all the time. Poor man. Their story may shock you. Or maybe you mighta seen it coming WHO KNOWS.
> 
> So many references were included in this chapter. Sans only speaking in lowercase, Toriel slandering Sans by imitating him in order to say he loves his brother, and king Papyrus! and probably something else but i forgot and they made out and thats what was important sans and toriel MADE OUT im sorry mom i am such a sinner
> 
> Why did Sans dream about Toriel being David Tennant? What does that have to do with Undertale? Absolutely nothing, truth is me and my irl friend who has never played Undertale had this inside joke for months. About Toriel potentially being anyone since Sans has never seen her face. We decided that she's David Tennant, I don't remember why, but she really wanted me to reference that somehow. So Toriel is David Tennant.
> 
> btw this fic is probs gonna be 29 chapters. its an ugly number so ill try and make it 30. who knows whatll happen i dont lmao


	23. Papyrus Drops the F-Bomb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long time since my last update because to put it lightly I've been through hell in the last month. this chapter kind of reflects it since my writing always reflects what i'm going through in some way....
> 
> To prefice, I wanna say thank you to my breast friend for being an awesome roommate and continuing to follow Feeling Bonely. I miss you lots dearie and I'll visit you soon.

_*Hey buddy!!!!!_

 

You’re already terrified out of your wits.

 

_*what do you want_

_*What do you mean what do I want??? Just to talk to my absolute favorite BFF’s brother!!_  
*Because we’re FRIENDS, right??  
*We don’t talk enough!! You know what else we don’t do enough?

_*no_

_*We never hang out!  We need to hang out more_

_*ok_

_*I’m taking you out to lunch today!! As soon as your shift is over and not a SECOND later_

_*as much as i appreciate it i accept the friendship offer but not the lunch date  
*i kinda had plans later_

_*Aw you want to spend time with your sweet new GF I understand!!  
*But you don’t have a choice_

_*this isnt how friendship works  
*pretty sure kidnapping is a felony _

_*I’m taking you out whether you LIKE IT OR NOT  
*And it’s my treat!! Because we’re friends I’ll buy you whatever you want!!_

_*ok im sold_

 

Where Undies is concerned, you have no idea what to expect.  You can gauge expressions, even in text messages, but you cannot predict what Undyne has in store for you, and it keeps you smiling in absolute terror all day.  What could she possibly want from you on a normal weekday?  You can only suspect it has something to do with Papyrus.  Whatever it is, you wish she’d just tell you outright.  If he’s passing out from emotional exhaustion again you have the right to know.

You let Toriel know you’ll be late.  In fact, you might not ever show up.  Because if, for some reason, Undyne wants you dead, you’re never going to see Toriel again.  That’s it, she’s going to assassinate you so that the position of only sibling will be open.  Then she’s going to adopt Papyrus as her own and take him to Waterfall forever.  What a bitch.

 

_*Meet me in Grillby’s  
*And don’t tell Papyrus!!!_

 

Yeah, you’re definitely going to die.

After you close up the hotdog stand, you consider which flowers you should ask Undyne to buy for your funeral.  She’s honorable, you know she’ll carry out your last will, no matter what it is.  Bless her soul.

You peek in through the window before you walk inside.  Undyne is just sitting at a table, not looking murderous, but as soon as she catches sight of you her face contorts into the biggest piranha grin.  You internally prepare yourself for whatever’s coming and walk right in.  You grin back, forcing yourself to relax.  She can probably smell fear.

“You’re looking radiant today.  Get a new tattoo?”

“Nice of you to notice.”  Undyne flexes her right bicep.  There’s an anchor on it.

You sit down in the chair across from her.  “That’s badass.”

“You ever thought about getting one?  You should get a skull and crossbones somewhere.”

“I’m gonna tattoo my left buttcheek.”

“Get a lipstick stain so you can tell people to kiss your ass.”

“I like the way you think.  Alright sis let’s quit with the small talk and get straight to business.  What am I here for.  And why can’t we tell Papyrus.  Who’re we gonna kill.”

Undyne’s eye roves around the room, as though searching for Papyrus hidden in her blind spot.  “He hates this place.  I need to be a good influence on him if I want him to stay healthy.  If he knows I purge on disgusting greasy food once in a while...”

“Treat yourself while you’re still young.  You’re fit enough that you can eat a cow if you wanna.”

“Aw, thanks.  Now go order whatever the hell you want!”

“Hope you’ve got a decent amount of money in the bank because I’m not gonna take that offer lightly.”

“I _meant_ what I said.  If you die of a heart attack that’s on you!”

For Papyrus’s sake you’ve been trying to cut back, but for the sake of making Undyne regret her offer, you order the most expensive things on the menu.  You don’t even know what they are, you just tell Grillbz, “I order whatever costs the most.  Don’t ask any questions, a friend’s paying.”

Undyne gives you her credit card.  You’re fast, you could take it and run, but then she smiles and her teeth make you reconsider.  You swipe the card and return to your seat.  “So!” Undyne says.  “How’ve you been?”

“I got this feeling that.  You really don’t care.”

Undyne’s grin turns right into a snarl.  “Maybe it’s hard for you to believe, but I _do_ care.  I wouldn’t be here otherwise.  But if you wanna be that way—”

“Just cut to the chase.  That smile.  I only see that smile when you’re pretending to be nice.  That’s the smile you gave Toriel.”

“I just bought you enough food to feed a village, tell me how you’ve _freaking been.”_

“Happier than ever, what about you.”

“Aww, that’s great!  I’ve been good!  A little stressed out, but I know when to take it easy.  Heard from Papyrus your party was great!  How old are you now?”

“Uh, how old’s Papyrus.”

“Why.”

“Because that number’s probably approximately the same.  Look, before we get lost in small talk, I’m sorry I didn’t call Alphys yet.  Nice of you to treat me, but this is all, uh, kind of unnecessary.  Seeing as.  You coulda just asked.”

“Whoa, what makes you think I don’t just wanna do something _nice_ for you?  As a _friend?”_

“Beating around the bush makes me really uncomfortable,” you say.  “Let’s skip all that.  What’s really on your mind.”

“I _did_ wanna be nice,” Undyne answers, scowling again.  “But since you’re so determined to be an ass about everything...”

“I prefer to think of it as keeping things strictly business-like between us.”  You lean forward, then a smell lets you know that your food is ready.  You start to get up, then Undyne stretches her piranha smile back onto her face.

“Allow me!”

“Suit yourself.”  

You sit back and allow Undyne to serve you your meal, staggering under its weight.  You dig in.  Undyne shoves an entire burger into her mouth.  She washes it down with a bottle of cheap soda and belches loudly.  You belch louder.  “Nice,” she says through a mouthful of ‘burg.  Trust has been formed.  You sit back a little more comfortably and ask her,

“Is Alphys buddies with Barbiepants McInstagram?”

“You mean Mettaton?”  Her eye narrows.  “Of course you mean Mettaton...  How’d you find out about them?”

“About... _them?”_  You laugh.  “This sounds like juicy information.  Are you and your GF in a poly with Mettaton?”

“God no!  Oh my god...  Don’t even make me think about it.”  Undyne rubs her temples, shuddering at the vivid mental image you must have given her.  “They live together, but it’s not like that!”

“You sure?  Alph had the biggest crush on his voice when he was an anime VA.”

 _“Alph...?”_  You chuckle innocently.  Undyne frowns.  “Yeah, okay listen.   _Don’t you dare_ tell Papyrus about this, or he won’t ever let it go.  I don’t like that guy, and I don’t care if your brother has wet dreams about him or whatever, but trust me them meeting would be _bad.”_

“So they just _happen_ to be roomies completely by chance?”

“Okay, in order to get that _completely incorrect_ notion out of your head, I’m gonna have to let you in on a secret.”

“If there’s anything I’m good at, it’s keeping secrets.”  You wink.  Undyne looks like she just stepped in cat vomit.

“Barbiedoll McMason-Jars-On-A-Suburban-Mom’s-Pinterest isn’t all he cranks himself up to be.  He only got to his height of obnoxious fame because he had Alphys remake his face for him...  It’s a long story, and it’s not why I’m here.”

“So you’re _not_ here to make friendly chitchat.  Huh, I thought Papyrus’s dreamboy looked oddly bishounen...”

“It’s too complicated to go into.  But I promise you, he has to live near her for _his_ own good.  He’s got all these health issues—  Fuck it, I don’t wanna talk about Mettaton right now.”

“No, this is really interesting.  I always wanna know what Alph’s been up to.”

Undyne cringes slightly at the nickname.  “I get,” she says, “that you’ve been distracted.  Given what... well, what Papyrus won’t shut up about.  You’ve got a girlfriend.  That’s big.”

“I don’t know what you’ve heard from Papyrus, but it sounds like lies.”

“Yeah, whatever, you want me to cut to the chase?  I’ll get right to it.  I don’t trust her.”

“Uh, you mean Toriel?  With what?”

“Look, I don’t... trust Toriel with you.”  Her voice drops.  Her face relaxes into a neutral expression.  You can’t even see her teeth.  “You got me, I’ve been trying to butter you up because I knew you wouldn’t want to hear it.”

“That’s it?” you say.  “You don’t want anything from me?”

“Yeah, believe it or not, I just wanted to give you a warning.  I _really_ don’t trust her, and if you wanna be memebuddies on the internet or whatever...  Just...  Keep a wary eye out.  And don’t get too attached.”

“What’s this about.”

“Alright.”  Undyne closes her eye and sighs.  “You... and everyone else have been wondering the same thing.  Only a few people know why Toriel left Asgore—”

“I really don’t care about that,” you interrupt.  “If Tori wants to forget about her past, I’m not gonna hear it from someone else.”

Undyne’s eye snaps open.  “I thought you deserved to know!  Since Papyrus is telling me you’re getting married tomorrow!  She’s probably fed you all sorts of crap about Asgore already, and the guy’s had it hard enough as it is!”

“Fine,” you say, digging into your meal.  “I was thinking it was probably their kids dying.”

“Yeah.”

“Makes sense.  Heard lots of marriages don’t survive after a kid dies.”

“Whatever Toriel’s told you, don’t be so quick to take sides.  Because what happened was not Asgore’s fault.”

Wow, that’s exactly contrary to everything you’ve been told.  You cursed out Asgore just this morning when you nearly tripped over your own sock.  “I’m not taking any sides.  I’m a true neutral.”

“Doesn’t it freak you out a bit?  Just how fast she’s willing to settle with, yknow, the first man she’s probably ever talked to in years?”

“There’s a phenomenon,” you tell her with your mouth full, “known as _heterosexuality._  I don’t really understand it myself, so take it from me, it’s better not to try.”

“I don’t know if you’re looking for something long-term with her, but if you are, you deserve to know the first thing about her.”

“So you think you know Toriel better than I do?  After meeting her a couple times to take her cash?”

“No,” she says.  “But I don’t think _you_ know her either.  And I don’t want you to become her next Asgore.”

Undyne has all the answers you’ve been wanting, but they’re not her answers to give.  They’re not your answers to hear.  “I don’t like this,” you say.  “If this is all stuff that I need to hear, I wanna hear it from her.  Besides, if the divorce was over their kids...”  There’s nothing for you to worry about.  Toriel’s never had any of your children, none of this has anything to do with you...

“I was there, the day Asriel died.”

You study her face.  You notice a heavy dark shadow under her one eye.  Has she always looked that tired?  Maybe this isn’t all about you.  Maybe she needs to get this off her chest.  And maybe... you can’t help but wonder.  “I know one kid died of a fever or something.  What happened to the other one.”

 _“Asriel,”_ Undyne says.  “If Toriel hears you call him _the other one_ she’ll dump your ass right away.  He...”  She sighs.  “It’s another long, brutal story.  You sure you wanna hear it?”

“Isn’t that what you gave me your credit card for?”

“Yeah...  It’s just, not an easy story to tell.  Chara died, you know that, and just a few days later, Toriel had some sort of scare...  I don’t know why, but she had to be rushed to the hospital for some reason.”

“You know what I’m suspecting.”

“What.”

Papyrus already told her, you’re not spilling any secrets she doesn’t already know.  “Miscarriage number six.”

“Yeah, probably.  Like I said, the whole story’s _really_ not pretty.  Asgore... in all the confusion, he wasn’t _thinking,_ he just wanted to save her life.  He took her, and left Asriel at home.  He called me later to make sure he was okay.  But when I got there, he was already gone.  I guess Asriel... he had just lost his best friend, he didn’t know what to do with himself.  He just... wandered out.  Who knows why.”

She looks up to make sure you’re still listening.  When she sees that you’re not asleep, she continues.  “He wasn’t in the house.  I looked all over the neighborhood, it seemed like he completely disappeared.  It was... really, really bad.”  Her eyebrows wrinkle together.  “Everyone was in a panic.  Asgore didn’t wanna leave Toriel, but she made him go out and search.  I finally overheard some punks talking about a kid who’d wandered into a bad place and...”  She pauses.

“A gang of thugs?” you guess.

“Yeah.”  You’ve always been a really good guesser.   _“Everyone_ that day just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.  Asriel wandered into a bad crowd, and... I don’t know why they’d beat up some defenseless little kid, but they tried to get him away...  I heard from the punks that he tried to fight back.  So they pulled a knife on him.”

“How’d you learn all this.”

“I beat the crap out of them,” Undyne spits.  “I tried to find the group who did it, but by the time I got back on Asriel’s trail, it just led me right back to the Dreemurr house.  He was already dead by then.”

“The kids... died within days of each other, huh...”  That’s gotta be traumatizing.  For everyone.

“She blamed it all on Asgore.”

“And that’s why you don’t trust her?”

“She treated him like a murderer.  Look, what I’m saying is, just be careful and don’t believe everything she says about Asgore.  If you’ve ever wondered why people complain about how he’s lost it, or why he’s losing popularity, _she’s_ the reason.  The man thinks he killed his son.”

“How do you know all this,” you ask.  “I mean, what did you have to do with the Dreemurrs?”

“I could hear her yelling from down the street,” says Undyne.   _“Anyone_ could.  She kept screaming bloody murder, cursing him out and calling him a monster, over and over, yeah imagine being a teenager passing by and having to listen to that.  It was verbal abuse.  There’s no other way to put it.  And the whole time, he never yelled back.  He just took it.”

“People do weird things when they’re in mourning.  After my old man died, I laughed for a week straight and pissed Papyrus off so bad he slapped me.”

“Yeah, but neither of you sent the other into a lifelong depression.  You... you know, stuck together.   _No one_ saw Toriel and Asgore breaking up.  And now...”  She sighs.  “She just... up and left as soon as she was well enough.  I stopped by every day to make sure the guy was still eating.”

“How soon after,” you ask.  “Because if she was still recovering...”  No wonder he stalked her.  He was just concerned for her after all.  Welp.  It’s all coming together, but you don’t like how the pieces are fitting.  

“I don’t remember,” she sighs.  “I would have stayed longer if I didn’t have plans to move to Waterfall.  But... with all that’s happened and the hell his ex put him through, it’s a wonder he’s even still alive.”

“Maybe, y’know, she was just upset and wasn’t thinking straight.”

“He was upset too!  There are just certain lines you don’t cross.  And in my _very humble opinion,_ sending your ex into a lifelong depression because he cared that much about you is... it’s a line you don’t cross!”

“So what,” you say.  “Ha, I don’t know what you expect me to do with all this information.”

“Watch out!  And don’t piss her off, because first mistake you make she’ll put the blame on you and make you feel like shit for the rest of your life.”

“What’re you gonna do, tell Toriel about all the shitty things _I_ did?  There were a lot of them.”

“At least you’re able to _acknowledge_ that they were shitty!  Look, I’m just worried that you’re her revenge or something.  That... she’s dating you just to prove a point to Asgore.”

“Wow,” you say, “damn.  Don’t you think that if she just wanted a trophy boyfriend to show off to her ex, she’da chosen someone a bit more... showoffable?  Than a pathetic little disabled man who sells hotdogs?  If she really wanted to get revenge she’d show up at Fluffybuns’s door with someone more... conventionally desirable?”

Undyne’s eye widens.  “Jeez, I’m not saying she doesn’t like you!  I don’t even know anything for certain, I just don’t wanna see your heart get broken!”

“Maybe... _you’re_ the one looking for revenge?”

“No, oh my god!  Don’t... freaking... make me say it!”

“Uh, freaking make you say what?”

“Dammit, Sans!  Listen here you teeny tiny little asshole I... freaking....”  Her eye bulges.  “I _care_ about you, okay?”

“Heh, really?”

“Yes!  We’re _friends!_  And if Toriel breaks your fragile, sensitive heart it’s gonna break _my_ fragile, sensitive heart, too!   _Ngahhh!”_

“That’s really sweet,” you say with your sweetest grin.  “So we’re on a first name basis now?  Didn’t know we were that close, sis.”

“Well...”  She smiles.  “If you like ‘Papyrus’s brother’ better, that’s fine.  And... hey, maybe we should hang out again a different day when I don’t have a big painful bomb to drop on you.  Except you pay for yourself next time!”

“Sounds like a plan.  ‘Cause, y’know, I care about you, too.  And... since I care so much, there’s stuff you deserve to know, too.”

It’s really amusing to watch Undyne’s smile fade and her piranha teeth disappear.  “Like what.”

“About Alphys, since, I knew her pretty well.  Heh, probably a bit better than you knew Toriel, since we were college besties and everything.”

“I knew you’d crack eventually!  I knew something happened back then...  Tell me!”

“She thought Asgore was a pretty good guy, too,” you tell her.  “She probably liked him, heh, even more than you did.  He was like, her biggest crush.”

“Nevermind... I thought you’d tell me something useful.”  Undyne leans back and scowls.

“No, this is extremely important and completely relevant.  Y’know what she used to call him?”  You clasp your hands and bat your eyelids.  “Mr. _Dreamy.”_  You giggle while Undyne’s eye narrows.  “It was kind of annoying to listen to after a while....  Cute at first until you see all her fantasies written in story form.  It was _pretty_ fucked up, lemme tell you.”

“I don’t—”

“Wait, you’re gonna wanna hear this.  I’m telling you for your own good, just to give you a lil perspective...  Fluffybuns was her first pick back in college, think you were somewhere on the crush list ranking below the top five.  I told her to go after you since you were the most available.  I told her, Alph, maybe you should pick up the highschooler instead of the guy who’s already married?  Not that he wasn’t completely out of her league anyway.”

“Okay, I get it, you’re not happy with me—”

 _“Didn’t_ stop her from fantasizing.  And, s’much as you insist her rooming with MTT is for _his_ own good, you know she had a crush on him, too?  Only reason she went out with _you_ in the end was because you were the only one of her crushes who was anywhere in her league.”  A sudden alarm goes off in your head yelling _stop talking._  What are you trying to accomplish exactly?  “I didn’t know at the time how close she’d be sleeping near to her favorite sexy voice actor...”

“You’re gonna wanna _quit while you’re ahead.”_

Yeah, that’d probably be the best idea.  “Got a question for you, Undies.  Where’s she living now?  And what do you think she does at night without you there to hold her?  While you’re partying with my brother she’s gotta get lonely... heh, if I were her I’d say I was feelin’ a bit _bonely_ if you catch my drift.  She _remade_ the dude’s face, Alphys literally built Mettaton to be her ideal man and he’s gotta be pretty friggin grateful that she helped him achieve stardom.  If she asked, he might just return the favor, _if_ you catch my drift.”

In a flash, Undyne’s on her feet so fast that she knocks her chair over.  “YOU SHUT UP ABOUT ALPHYS!”

“Hey, before you freak out, just realize where I’m coming from.  Just think it’s a good idea to warn you what kinda person you’re dating, ‘cause, you’re my friend.  I don’t wanna see your heart get broken when you walk in on your GF cheating on you with her...”  Just stop, you think.  Alphys has nothing to do with this.  “...her much more available roomie.”

Undyne surges forward— you think she’s going to strangle you when she grabs onto your hood.  She stomps forward and drags you after her.  You smile at Grillby, silently asking him for help.  He continues wiping his glass, his spectacles hiding stern indifference.  Your heels dig into the floor and your head slips into your jacket.  Struggling is futile.

She drags you out of the diner, around to the back, pushes you against the wall, and that’s when you remember.  You can just see the blush on Alphys’s face, you snort at the memory and hardly notice the fingers digging into your arms.

 _“What the hell_ is your damage?!”

“One second, oh man...”  You can’t stop laughing.  It’s just too ironic.  “Undyne, I didn’t even tell you the best part!”

“NGAHHH!  SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH BEFORE I KNOCK OUT YOUR TEETH.”

“No, no you’re _really_ gonna wanna hear this— You know who _else_ was high up on her crush list?  Your current bestie, formerly known as Toriel Dreemurr!”  You blink back tears.  “Alph didn’t think she was so bad, in fact, if she knew she was here, heh, she’d consider herself one lucky—”

A fist collides with your mouth.  No doubt it wasn’t an attack, if it was, your head would be blown clean off your shoulders.  You bite down on her knuckles.  Undyne doesn’t scream, or even flinch.  She draws back her fist and gives you a warning glare.

“What do you think, you’re perfect?” you ask, grinning widely.  “You’ve got your anger issues, let’s all just accept that no one’s completely one hundred free from sin.  And Alph—”

“WHAT’VE YOU GOT AGAINST HER?!”

“Nothing, trust me, this is all coming from a place of love.”

She grabs your hair, tilting your head back, you smile up at her murderous snarl.   _“THIS_ IS YOUR PROBLEM!” she yells.  “You’ll put people on a pedestal until they do ONE THING to bother you and suddenly they’re lower than dirt!”

“Ha, what?”

“Like Papyrus,” she mutters.  “Nevermind.  I don’t care anymore...”  She yanks your head back and releases your hair.  Your shoulder slams into the wall behind you.  Your smile twitches.

“You’re not some white knight, Undies,” you say.  “Maybe uh, try not to ruin my relationships just because you’ve got a personal grudge?”

“Don’t know what I was thinking, you two are perfect for each other!”

“Y’know, I was thinking the same thing.”  You look at her fists.  They’re trembling.  “Cmon, I know how bad you wanna beat the shit outa me.  What’s stopping you?”

“YOU KNOW WHAT’S STOPPING ME!” she screams.

“Aww, you don’t wanna upset Papyrus.  You’re real cute, Undies.”  You’re slipping.  Your cane is back inside, and your back is sore from hitting a brick wall.  Your smile is getting hard to hold in place.  “Cmon sis, take a shot at me, a slap’s not gonna kill me.”

“Bet it’d make you feel a lot better too.”  She barks out one short laugh, and your smile drops.  “I’m not gonna give you the satisfaction!  Unless you say a word to Alphys, then you’re dead.”

“Whoa, someone’s uh, drastically changed her mind.”

“I’ll know!” she yells.  Her eye travels downward as you keep slipping.  “And as soon as I do, your arms are going in the trash.”

You can’t think of a response.  Something weak comes out, like a chuckle, nothing enough to make her stay and threaten you some more.  She turns heal and leaves.  Welp, that sure was something.  You finally land on the dirt.  You feel your meal churning in your stomach.  What a ripoff, it wasn’t even that good.  At least you didn’t have to pay for it.

That sure was nice of her, why did you feel the need to say all those things...

Your phone vibrates.  You take it out of your pocket at read the message past the buzzing in your head.

 

_*I hope you don’t mind if I cancel our plans for this afternoon.  I have two papers to write and I want to get as much done today as I can so we’ll have the rest of the week to spend together.  
*I will see you tomorrow I hope!  
*Now it is time to get working!  (_ _ง_ _'̀-'́)_ _ง_

 

Nevermind, Undyne can go fuck herself with one of her random-ass gigantic swords.  She didn’t have to try and mess this up for you, when was the last time anything ever made you this happy?  You text _*k_ to Toriel and wish you could tell her something else.

Maybe you should also get off the ground.  You stand up.  You wobble unsteadily and hold onto the wall.  Are you angry?  You’re probably angry, at Undies or yourself is hard to tell.  All that talk and she wouldn’t even slap you.  You know how much she loves a challenge, that must be it, she didn’t think it’d be a fair fight.  You would have loved the look on her face if she’d have seen what you were capable of.

No, you’re overestimating yourself.  You wouldn’t stand a chance.  Even with your speed you couldn’t keep dodging forever, and one of her hits would land you in the hospital.  Still, you can’t help but play out the battle in your head.  That would be something.

What are you thinking, getting slammed against a wall was enough to wreck you.  You can barely walk.  Well, you deserved that.  You’ve had it too good for too long.  And you’ve gotten so full of yourself that you think you can trash talk the people who’ve saved your lives.

This is why you cut off ties with Alphys.  You were dragging her down.  Toriel’s the only person you haven’t screwed up yet.  You don’t deserve Papyrus, you didn’t deserve Alphys, hell even Undies has more merits than tens of thousands of you.  Tori’s the only person you thought you deserved, because she said it, you’ve made her life better, but it’s only a matter of time...

You limp back into the diner.  “I don’t know what happened,” says a voice that comes in Grillby’s direction out of Grillby’s mouth, even though he hates talking, “but I’m disappointed in you.”

“Heh, me too, Grillbz.”

You grab your cane.  You guess your best bet is to just go home now.  You hope Undyne hasn’t already started to tell Papyrus what just happened.  Just to stir up more trouble.  Just to punch you in the face metaphorically instead of breaking Papyrus by breaking you.

Man, you even got _him_ to slap you.  You wish Undyne would have done it too.  You’d probably be fun to slap.  Experimentally, you slap yourself across the face.  Comedically.  You laugh, and out of the corner of your eye, you see one of your child customers looking at you fearfully.  That’s embarrassing, maybe you shouldn’t have emotional breakdowns in public.

Toriel sends you a heart emoji, then tells you not to respond before you distract her.   _It’s alright, Tori,_ you think.  You don’t plan to.  It’s only a matter of time before you find a way to screw her up even worse than she’s already been.

☠☠☠

You went home.  Papyrus didn’t say anything about the day’s incident with Undyne.  He asked why you weren’t with Toriel.

“She has work to do,” you said.

“That’s no excuse!” he exclaimed.  “Go to her!  Romance her before it’s too late!”

For someone who’s never found the appeal of romantic relationships, he’s been extremely insistent about this.  Spend every waking moment together.  Get married before the end of summer.  It’s nice to have his support.  You hope you keep it after today.

As for Undyne, your suspicion is that she’s torturing you by making you wait.  Any moment she’ll tattle on you when you least expect it.  You should have been enjoying your brother’s friendship while you still could, but instead, you escaped to your room to brood alone.  Oscillating between being pissed at Undyne and pissed at yourself and thinking that you need to just need to calm down and chill.

You had the perfect idea.  Tell Papyrus yourself, word for word, it wouldn’t sound as bad coming from you.  You laughed immediately at that idea— _everything_ sounded worse coming from you.

“You ever regretted saying something soon as you said it?  Even while you’re at it you know you _really_ shouldn’t be saying it but you say it anyway?”

Toriel frowns at you.  That was extremely out of the blue.  “I am not sure I understand...  Sans, what did you do.”

“Okay so, it’s a long story but in short we should enjoy each other’s company while we can because I might die any day now.”

“That is not good, is it?”  Toriel’s eyebrows press together.  “You are joking, I hope?”

“I’m not entirely sure, since I uh, pissed off Undyne.  She _said_ she wasn’t gonna hurt me but, yknow, any moment she could change her mind and put my arms in the trash...  Without the rest of me.  So I’m _really_ hoping that she stays close with my brother because their bond’s the only thing keeping me alive right now.”

“Undyne?”  Toriel’s eyebrows unfurrow as one of them rises quizzically.  “What a coincidence, I just saw her yesterday.”

“Oh god.  When.”

“Early in the morning, she ambushed me as soon as I left for class.”  You had your date after that.  Welp.  “She’s certainly an... interesting character.  She smiled very widely, put her arm around me, and told me very sweetly that if I break your heart, she’ll break my legs.”

“What.”

Toriel giggles.  “Oh, I think I handled her well.  I did not drop my guard.  I merely asked how she found where I live.”

“Ha... haha... holy shit, she really does care.”  You can just see it.  When did this happen, Undyne starting to care about you like a younger sibling?  You definitely didn’t see this coming, damn, no wonder she was so angry...  “Man, I was a real jerk...”

“Do you care to fill me in?”

“No, I uh, _really_ don’t wanna repeat it.”  You rub your shoulder.  It’s still a little sore.  If only she hit you, then you’d feel better.  “On the bright side, the experience has taught me a valuable lesson.  Turns out I’m not the nicest person?”

“That does not sound like a very bright side.”

You feel an uncalled for laughing fit coming on.  You pull your hood down over your eyes.  “I said some really shitty things when Undyne was... trying in her own weird way to be nice.”

“I stand by what I said before.  Unsolicited kindness is not kindness.  Kindness for the sake of alleviating one’s own conscious is only kindness to oneself.”

“When did you say that.”

“When you were concerned about your brother turning overprotective,” Toriel says.  “Undyne Peixes-Serket’s kindness is a little forceful for my taste.  You are allowed to not accept it.  Just remember the most important thing I have told you.  Whatever happened is neither your nor Undyne’s fault.”

“Whose fault—”  Oh no.

“Asgore.  Blame everything on Asgore.  What did I tell you?  What do you say?”

“Uhh—  Heh... fuck you Fluffybuns...”

“Very good!  Don’t you feel better?”

“No.  I’m uhh, not so sure how comfortable I am playing this game—”

“Oh?”  Toriel cocks an eyebrow again.

“I don’t know the guy—”

“Well I do.  Take my word for it.”

You don’t know whose word to take and you wish you didn’t have to choose.  “Ok,” you say.

“Well, perhaps some time outside will do us some good, I think we’re getting cranky cooped up in here!  We should get out...”

You’ve been hanging out inside Toriel’s pretty apartment for an hour.  Sitting and reading is nice until it gets boring and you find yourself reading the same sentence over and over.  You don’t know how you used to concentrate for so long.  Maybe the old man did have something to his diagnosis and you really did have ADD after all.  If you want something to blame your shitty impulsive lack of tact on, you’ll just give in and decide he was right.

You put your book down and suggest you two see a movie.  A dark room with no sun seems like the perfect date for Toriel.  Toriel asks if you’ve downloaded the fart app onto your phone.  Now that she’s better acquainted with technology she’s been dying for the perfect place to try it out.

You go to Snowdin’s tiny movie theater to see the newest romantic comedy that came out.  You’re going to ruin it for the audience by laughing obnoxiously and making fart noises.  Toriel is so excited by this date idea that you forget about Undies completely.

Toriel starts to walk to the back row.  You grab her sleeve.  “Let’s go more towards the front.”

“But these seats are so close together, people might not be able to see over—”

“Exactly my point.  If we wanna piss people off, sit right in front of that short guy.”

“You’re so cruel,” Toriel says teasingly, and sits in front of the short guy.  You hear the short guy grumble and shift around his seat to look around her.

You sit through several commercials, and Toriel’s grin of delight slowly fades.  “I now remember why I never enjoyed going out to movies,” she says.  “It takes so long to get to the movie...  It is not as fun to disturb the audience through a commercial.”

The commercials are enough to disturb, everyone’s on their phones including you.  You already have your finger on the fart button of the fart app.  You watch the giant screen until it plays a more serious ad, you know it’s serious because it has serious music.  Strings are always serious.

It shows a small, skinny kid walking.  You’re not really paying too much attention at this point, but you see some bigger kids punch the small one, and some other kids join in.  The largest one holds his arms behind his back as the others keep beating him up.

He gets thrown to the ground.  He gets kicked by all different shoes, with all different brands, and for some reason all you’re able to focus on is the different brands instead of the crying kid on the ground.

From next to you, you hear a sharp intake of breath.  You swivel your eyes and see Toriel’s chest heave.

Her eyes are wide, completely fixated unblinkingly to the screen.  You tap her on the arm.  She doesn’t seem to notice you’re there.  Even as the attacks stop, the kid gets up and the narrator says something about stopping bullying, she looks like she just witnessed an explosion.

“Uhh...”  You tap her again.

She gasps so harshly that your hand flinches away from her arm.  She’s heaving.  Whispers and muttering erupt all around you.  Someone asks Toriel if she’s okay.  Someone else asks if they should call an ambulance.

“Hey,” you mutter, looking at the screen, “it’s over now, the scary ad’s over—  We should uhh, probably take a break.”

She clutches her chest and hangs her head.  She whispers something you can’t hear.  You lean in closer.  “Uh, didn’t catch that—”

“It’s— alright—”  She picks her head up.  “D-Do not— c-call for help—”

“She’s fine,” you tell the muttering audience uncertainly, “not having a heart attack, just uhh...  Yeah, let’s move.”

You reach for her hand.  She grips it so tight it crushes your fingers.  Her palms are hot and slick with sweat.  You tug, she stands, and you shuffle through the row the draws up their knees to make room.

“I’m not— I’m not alright,” Toriel whispers, quiet enough that only you can hear.   _“I’m not alright, I’m not—- I’m not okay, I am not okay...”_

You lead her out of the theater.  Right away, she drops to the floor.  You crouch down beside her.  “It’s, uhh...”

She clutches her head and heaves.  “It’s okay,” you say.  “It’s was... just makeup.  They wouldn’t hurt a real kid for a commercial.”

“It’s—” she gasps, “It’s all— All Asgore’s f-fault...”

“Yeah, that’s right.  It’s all Asgore’s fault.”  You hold onto her arm.  You can see the memories flashing back in her eyes.  You’re pretty good at reading expressions, and you can almost see her kid...  You don’t know what he looks like, but you can see him broken and dead in front of her.  Shit.  You’re no good at this.

Papyrus would know.  You force your memory back to eleventh grade and try to remember what he did for you.  When you had your panic attack, he just _knew_ what to do.  It’s all part of his nature, but you can vaguely remember.  He helped you get your breathing under control.  He gave you something to hang onto.  Yeah, you can do this.

“I’m... I’m here.”  Who cares who cheesy this sounds.  “I’m right here, it’s alright.”

Toriel sobs.  You touch her shoulder, waiting for any form of consent that she’s okay with being touched.  She leans toward in, just slightly, and you take her into your arms and pat her back as consoling as you can.  “No kids got hurt,” you say.  “I promise, everything’s....”  You should stop talking.  Yeah.

She trembles.  You take one of her hands and squeeze it.  You can’t tell her everything’s okay when you know now.  Her son was beaten to death.  How could anything be okay after that?

“Can you breathe.”

She shakes her head.

“You need help?”

Another shake.

“Alright, cmon.”   _You can do this._  “Breathe with me.”

She locks eyes with you.  You breathe slowly in through your nose.  She imitates shakily.  You exhale, and repeat until she’s able to take a steady breath.  Maybe if you pretend you’re Papyrus it’ll be easier.  No, that’s a bad idea, you’ll just crack yourself up.  You keep breathing steadily as your own self for a few more minutes.  Toriel’s trembling calms down a bit.  Your palms are sweating too, you hope she doesn’t notice.

“Toriel?”  You look up.  A woman that you recognize as a regular visitor to the librarby approaches quickly, swinging a handbag.  “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Toriel snaps.

“Yeah...  It’s cool, we’re going home.”

“Are you sure?  Do you want a ride?”

“No,” Toriel says.

You signal the woman behind Toriel’s head, smiling awkwardly and silently telling her to go away.  She tells Toriel to feel better and runs.  “You... need anything else?” you ask her.

“I want to be home.”

“Alright let’s—”

“Back in the Ruins.”

“How ‘bout my place,” you say.  “It’s closer.  Papyrus isn’t home—”

“Fine,” she says abruptly.  You help her stand.  She’s still shaking.  Even as she stares resolutely ahead, she somehow looks paler than usual.  You can’t think of anything to say, so you say nothing at all.  She doesn’t let you lead her along like a lost child.  She keeps up and walks beside you.

On the way, you pass by Doggo, led by his seeing eye dogs.  They bark at you in friendly recognition.  The smaller one bounds up to you.  It paws at Toriel’s skirt, yipping for attention.

“Sorry whoever you are,” Doggo says.  “Lesser dog’s an attention hog.”

“Does he like to be pet?” Toriel asks.

“He’s crazy about bein’ pet.”

Toriel bends down and pats Lesser Dog on its fluffy head.  Lesser dog stretches out its neck.  You’re glad to see Toriel smiling.  “My how his neck can stretch...  What makes him lesser?”

“He’s smaller.”

“I see...”  She pets the dog a couple more times, then gives Greater Dog a bonus pat.  Then, she wishes Doggo and his dogs a good day and walks past them.

You spot the garish Christmas lights in the distance and smile up at Toriel.  She doesn’t smile back.  You open the door and bow her through.  She strides through and sits herself down on the couch.

“How’re you feeling?” You ask, plopping down beside her.

“A little better,” she says.  “Thank you.”

“Okay cool.  You need anything uh, lemme know.”

“I need...”  She sighs.  “I wish I were not this way, but that is nothing you can help me with.”

“I can try?  Not to fix all your problems but...  Y’know, I’m here to do whatever I can.”

“No.  You are not here to coddle me.  And you have plenty to deal with on your own.  You should not have to.”

“We all need a head to lean on occasionally.  It’s... It’s really all cool with me, I promise.”

“I am not used to this,” Toriel says.  “All I want to do is care for people...  It’s who I am.  There isn’t anything I’m doing to help on this side...”  She trails off.

“This side of what?”

“The world, I suppose.  I just hate it.  I hate feeling so helpless.  I hoped it would get better.  But ever since I left, it has only gotten worse.  I keep... encountering these situations and...  Feeling utterly and hopelessly trapped.”

“Yeah, that’s gonna happen when you’re in the recovery process.”  Do you sound insensitive?  You try and soften your voice.  “You really... don’t feel like you’re ever gonna get better.  After I broke my leg I didn’t leave my bed for two weeks.  Didn’t think I ever would.  Then once I went on meds those took over a month to make much of a difference...  You gotta give yourself a chance, Tori.  You’ve been outa the house what, four weeks now?”

“Something like that...”

“Takes a lot longer than that to make a full one-eighty.  It took me years to get my life together after good old dad died.  Hell, I’m still not over that.  But... I’m working on it.  We’re all working on it.  It’s a pain, but....”  You pull back on the rubber band on your wrist and snap it.  “Slingshot.”

Toriel winces.  “Do not _do_ that!”

“Slingshot?”

“That must hurt.  Are you trying to—”  She stops short.  She hangs her head.

“Am I tryna what.”

“Hurt yourself....  But I do not want to know the answer.  I’m...”

“It’s...”  You roll down your sleeve to show her the rest of your rubber bands.  She looks closely.  Her eyes narrow.  You know what she’s looking at.  It’s not too noticeable without scrutinizing... looking for exactly what you’re looking for, but she can see the scars.  You roll your sleeves back up.  All you wanted to show her was the rubber bands.  “It’s actually a way to _not_ hurt myself.  Least in a way that leaves a mark.”

Toriel looks away.  You almost want to apologize, but there’s really no need, even if she looks even worse now.  “I wish you did not have to.”

“They make for great metaphors.”

“But… is this method not supposed to be temporary?”

“Let’s not... focus on me right now.  You’re really not giving yourself enough of a chance.  You’ve been out a month and you already expect the world of yourself.  It’ll happen—”

“I’m tired of waiting.”

“Think of it like a fever, it’s gotta get worse before it gets better—”

“That is the exact same message as the slingshot metaphor.”

“Yeah maybe, but, I really mean it.  You’ve made pretty great progress already.  You’ve got friends at the librarby...”

“Are they aware that the sign is spelled wrong?”

“Yep.  It’s one of the quirks of Snowdin.  That’s why I love this place.”

“It is a nice little town...”  Toriel leans back.  “I am very grateful that you have been so kind to me.  I hope someday... I can find a way to repay the favor...”

“You have.  It’s nice having you around and...”  You chuckle.  “I’ve still got that calendar you gave me up in my room.  It’s definitely better than the calendar I had before.  You’re... I told you, you’re something special.  Just... give yourself a break for a while.”

“I’m so lucky to have met you...”

“Heh...”

She wraps an arm around you, and you sit in silence, wishing you had a joke.  “Guess we can watch a shitty romcom here and laugh to ourselves about it...”

“So the day’s plans are not completely ruined after all.”

“Yeah.  So we won’t annoy anyone but ourselves, but it’s cool...”  You search online for a good terrible movie.  After several minutes of searching, you hear loud stomping from outside followed by the door swinging open.

“I AM HOME!” Papyrus bellows.

“Hello home, I’m Sans.”  Shit, that was a dad joke.

Papyrus stomps into the living room.  He loudly greets Toriel.  “Good afternoon, Papyrus,” she says stiffly.

“Home already?”  You promised Toriel privacy.

“Yes!  As you can see, I _am_ home...”  He looks from you to Toriel.  “But if you two want to be alone, I can go right back to being _not_ home!”

“No, it’s quite alright—”

“Really?  I’ve been perfecting my backflips—”

“When he wants to make a quick exit,” you tell Toriel, “he likes to backflip out the window.”

Toriel laughs.  “What?”

“My role model Mettaton has said that everything you do should have a dramatic flair to it!  Your entrances and your exits should all be cool!”

“Live life to the fullest and all that.”

“There is the saying all the world’s a stage!  And Mettaton instructs... to take that literally.”

“I’m sorry, your role model who?” Toriel interrupts.

“Mettaton!  Have you never heard of him?”

“Oh, I’ve been rather out of date with the newest idols and famous people...”

“He’s an actor,” Papyrus explains excitedly, “and he has a youtube channel!  He’s extremely inspirational, if you’re ever in the mood or need to be inspired.”

“Perhaps some other time....  Sans and I were just about to watch a movie.”

“Go make us popcorn, bro,” you say.

 _“Please,”_ Toriel adds, glaring at you.

“With pleasure,” he says pointedly to Toriel.  He winds up sitting with you, watching a bad movie you downloaded, and your date isn’t completely ruined after all.  You get to annoy Papyrus with laughter and fart noises and Papyrus complains that watching a movie with both of you is twice as bad.  Still, he stays, and after the credits roll, you ask him if MTT has a video on dealing with anxiety.

“Most likely!  I could check...  Who is anxious?”

“That would be me,” Toriel says.  “But do not worry yourself.  I have a lot on my plate right now...”

“I’m sure there’s nothing on your plate that we can’t help you eat!”

“Yeah, if you ever feel like you’re gonna barf, just give some of it to Papyrus.”

“Please don’t barf,” Papyrus says.  “But if you have any troubles, I’d be glad to offer my assistance in any way that I can!”

“You really do not have to...”

“That’s true!  But I do want to!  As a family, it’s what we do for each other.”

“A family...?”

“A future family?”  He raises his eyebrows at you.  You send death in his direction through your smile.

Toriel giggles.  “You are looking too far into the future.”

“My family is full of people I’m not actually related to!  Snowdin’s a lot like one big family... So, consider this home your second one!  If anyone or anything in life hurts you, I will... kindly ask them to stop.”

“Yeah what he said,” you add.

“Well...”  Toriel seems a little overwhelmed, but pleased.  “Thank you...”

“You’re welcome!  And as a fellow student who was in school up until a month ago, if you need any help with homework... ask Sans!  He’s actually a lot smarter than he looks.”

“Erm... noted.”

Among all your friends, you’re glad Toriel at least gets along with Papyrus.  He’s always been the most important anyway.  Everyone else can come later, Drunk Bun and Ugly and Hamster...  Undyne...

Was she trying to turn you against her?  If she was, it didn’t work, you can’t possibly be angry at Toriel when she’s like this.  Now that you know, you’re more on her side than you’ve ever been.

So she’s not perfect.  That’s fine, neither are you.  Not by the widest of margins.  So.  Why should you care.

☠☠☠

“Good evening, Sans!”

“Evening, Pap.”

You took your laptop down to the couch to work.  The window’s open, letting in the pleasant summer breeze.

“I see you’ve been being very productive and getting outside every day!  But still, I think it would be a good idea for you to make a list of all the things you want to accomplish tomorrow.”

“Izzat what you do.”

“Yes and I feel very accomplished by the end of the day!”  He slams a pad of paper down on your lap.

“Ok.”  You take the pad, and a pen he hands you, and start writing.  You’re not sure what the point of this is, but you put down _sell hotdogs_ and _eat food_ and _maybe kiss toriel a lot._  Papyrus scans the list.  His eyes narrow.  You thought he’d like your list, but he doesn’t seem pleased.  He swipes the pen back and scribbles another item to the pad.  He hands it back to you.  There’s another bullet point he’d added to the bottom, where he’s written

_APOLOGIZE TO UNDYNE_

“What the shit,” you say.  “Screw this, she doesn’t have any business telling my brother on me, how old’s she, five?”

“You said things that weren’t okay!”

“Yep.”  You drop the pad onto the floor.  “You don’t know the whole story, bro.  Don’t go taking her side just ‘cause you think she’s cooler.”

“Well, whatever happened, I know that you can be... very insensitive at times.  And it’s scary when you are!”

“She said things that weren’t okay too.  You want me to say sorry, I wanna hear it from her first.  You even know what went down?  She went slandering Toriel.”

“Well...  She said that she warned you to be careful around her...”

“By telling me shit that wasn’t any of her business.”

“By telling you things that happened to _her personally!”_  

“I don’t appreciate you going straight to accusation.  Hurts my feelings.”

“Yes, I could have brought this up better.  But—”

“Look, I’m pissed at Undies ‘cause she stuck her nose in shit that’s not hers.  Don’t start doing it too.”

“You blew it out of proportion!”

“Toriel’s going through a lot and Undyne wants me to dump her because she thinks she’s gonna do to me what she did to her ex-husband.”

“She said nothing of the sort!”

“She tried to tell me she was messed up.  I already know that, but I’ve discussed it with Tori and it’s cool.”

“You misunderstood her completely!”

“In that case she... presented herself really bad.”

“No matter what she said, it is no excuse to tell her her girlfriend is fucking other people!”

“Whuh...”  You blink.  Did he just...  “Heh, do you usually say the f-word?”

“I DON’T LIKE TO.”

“Calm the heck down.  Swim some laps, I’ll be here doing what I want.”

“Well...”  Papyrus pauses.  “I will... talk to Undyne.  Perhaps I should have asked you what happened first—”

“Aw cmon, you knew I wouldn’t’a told you anything.  Let’s say for argument’s sake she was completely right.  I’m an asshole.  What else is new.”

“I don’t want to do anything for argument’s sake.  I don’t want anyone to argue—”

“Guess how many shits I give.  About as many shit as you’re able to give when you’ve had nothing but pasta for a week and you’re out of laxatives.”

Papyrus frowns.  “Well, I guess this is... a bad time.”

“Welp, they say there’s no time like the present.”

 _“Why_ do you want to be impossible?!  You are not an asshole, and pretending to be one won’t get you out of fixing things!”

“Fixing what, am I ruining your relationship with your BFF.”

“No, but—”

“Then your BFF’s tryin’ to ruin your relationship with me.  So yeah.”  You grin.  “Maybe stop thinking she’s cool and right all the time?  Because she seems dead set on killing _all_ my relationships.”

“Where the...”  Papyrus trails off.  “Undyne isn’t trying to ruin anything!  She’s been helping me for the longest time...”  You nearly expect him to get angry and yell at you, then you remember this is Papyrus.  “Undyne doesn’t want to hurt anyone!  Um, emotionally that is!  So, if it’s intervention you need, since you two are both extremely important to me, I’ll have to find a way to help you get along!”

“I’m opting out.”

“Just so you know, there are no sides!  Undyne and I only mean to help—”

“By doing a shitty job of it.”

Papyrus deflates.  Looks like you hurt his feelings.  He grumbles something about talking to you later and stomps out less loudly than he usually stomps.  You recall something Undyne said, _even Papyrus...._

You didn’t get it at the time.  You didn’t try to, but hey, she may have had a point...  Putting people on a pedestal until they do one thing to annoy you.  You’d never thought of it that way before.  Not _even_ Papyrus, _especially_ Papyrus, and for heck’s sake he’s only been trying his best.  You shut your laptop and ascend the stairs.  You knock on his door.

It flies open.  “Nyeh?  Who’s there?”

“Your mom,” you say.  “Heyyy, bro, I didn’t mean what I said before, no hard feelings, alright?  I still love you.”

You smile hopefully.  Papyrus cocks an incredulous eyebrow.  “I know that,” he says.

“Good...  How ‘bout a hug?”

Papyrus takes a step forward, then a step back, looking conflicted.  You raise your arms.  “I... I am afraid that I have to revoke your hug privileges until this is all sorted out!”

“What.  You can’t do that.”

“They’re my hugs to give.”

He frowns.  You smile hopelessly.  You want to tell him fuck you for turning this into something bigger than it has to be, but then you’ll just keep snowballing yourself.  And you don’t hate him.  Not in the slightest, and the last thing you want is a fight.  You tell him he can’t hold back on hugs forever, and leave it at that, like it’s all a joke.

Yeah, you’ll keep treating everything like it’s a joke.

Because that’s worked out tremendously for you your whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am vague about the vaguest things. What did Sans order? Oh gosh I don't know because I don't eat fast food. Everything I eat is home made. I don't know what expensive fast food is.
> 
> As for Toriel calling Asgore a monster well she's not wrong at least in one universe he is a literal monster but so is she
> 
> There's a lot of important lessons to be learned here. One is that there's 2 sides to every story. And two is... give yourself time to recover. It's something I'm still teaching myself now, because at the state I'm at I'm also expecting too much of myself. No matter how long it takes to get better, it's worth the wait.


	24. Oh Ms. Toriel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't care about names anymore. Screw this. Behold the shortest chapter since like the beginning.

Hugs are still banned.  Instead of letting yourself feel like shit about that, you refuse to let Papyrus know he’s getting to you.  If this goes on long enough, he’ll forget about it.  Besides, you have plenty else to think about.  Toriel’s semester ends soon.  You can’t believe you only met her in person a month ago, but at the same time, it feels like you barely got any time to spend together.  It passed too quickly.

You wander around near your hotdog stand, searching for one of those cutesy shops that you’ve never stepped in.  You see a few snow globes sparkling from a window and know you’ve found your place.  Snowdin’s not exactly a popular tourist area, but it’s known for its beautiful winters.  You wouldn’t advertise the Christmas freaking wonderland that happens in the frigid months as anything but dangerous after what happened to you.  One slip on black ice is enough to ruin winter for you.

Then again, there are also the memories of building snowmen with Papyrus and Undyne...

You stop staring into the snow globe and enter the shop.  You’re thinking of getting Toriel a sunhat, something along that vein, maybe a clothing store would be a better place to look...  You search along the shelves of random junk until you see a purple umbrella looking thing.  Parasol, that’s what they’re called.

You pick up the purple parasol, and open it carefully.  It’s decorated with floral patterns.  It matches her perfectly.  Too perfectly.  This gift isn’t ironic at all.  There’s no punchline.  Does that matter?  Hell nah, with your boyfriend card you’re allowed to be as sappy as you want.

It’s a cheap parasol.  Doesn’t matter, you rip off the price tag as soon as you’ve made your purchase.  You swing your bag around as you make your way to Toriel’s door.  You ticked off another day on the calendar this morning, marking Toriel’s departure with a sad face.  A funny little sad face so you could pretend it was funny...  It’s only a few days now.

You knock loudly.  Toriel’s voice shouts “Who is there?”

“Knock knock,” you say.

The door swings open.  You come face to face with Toriel’s chest, tilt your head, and see her reading glasses still on her face.  “Oh,” she says, “I was not expecting to see you this early!  I was winding down, I’ll have to find my cardigan—”

“We don’t have to go out right away,” you say.  “But uh, next time we do, I got you something to...  Parry the sol— sun—  Aw, fuckit.”  You make to swipe the parasol out of the bag, wonder why you didn’t think to wrap it.  You’re trying to hold the parasol and your cane at the same time, so of course, you drop both.  “Tada!”

“Oh dear.”  Toriel picks up the cane and parasol, begins to hand you the parasol instead of your cane, then laughs.  “Oh dear!  Seems we’re both a little off today!”

“I’ll make it a little easier on you,” you say, taking your cane.  Toriel opens up the parasol and gasps.

“Thank you,” she says.  “It’s very nice, but I cannot tell what the pun is.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, I couldn’t think of anything.”

“That’s alright.  I think I can forgive you.”

Toriel closes up her new gift and walks beside you out into the sun.  She opens it back up and holds it over her head, parrying the sun.  It’s another nice day to hang out at your favorite spot.  It smells like midsummer, green enough to blind someone extremely sensitive to the color green.  Once you’re seated, Toriel chooses that moment to suggest, “You know what would be lovely?  A picnic!”

“We just sat down—”

“Alright then, fussybones.”  It takes you a few seconds too long to laugh.  Toriel frowns.  “Is there something wrong?”

“Still pissed about the hug ban I guess,” you say.

“Do not worry about that.  I have plenty of hugs to give.”  Toriel scoops you up before you can say anything.  “Is this good enough for two people?”

“This is—  Yeah, this is good.”  Though it’s more than just a ban on hugs, you tell her, it all comes down to Papyrus siding against you in a fight that you had no chance winning, and now that it’s two against one it’s even less fair.

“Oh screw them,” Toriel says.

“Yeah, all Asgore’s fault...”

“No, I would say they are in the wrong in this case.  Unnecessary spats like these are part of the reason I dislike going outside.  I think that your brother knows he cannot lose you as easily as he can lose his friend, and that is why he is siding with her.  It’s a typical case of sibling rivalry.  Familial bonds are harder to break than any friendship.”

“I don’t know that seeing as I walked out on him a few years ago.”

“Well, if you stopped blaming yourself for every little thing, you might consider that perhaps you had a reason.”

“I don’t like this...”

“Papyrus is sweet.  I do not dislike him.  But he can be—”

“Fucking _full_ of himself,” you say.  “And immature.  Never thought I’d live to see the day, but I admit it.  Papyrus has flaws.”

“As does everyone.  It’s healthy to realize that the people you love are not perfect.  Then, once you discover that one thing they do to tick you off...”

 _You don’t knock them off the pedestal and treat them like they’re lower than dirt.  You don’t scream bloody murder at them and frighten the neighbors..._  “Yeah he’s got flaws, but at least he’s not an ass like me!  As far as flaws go—”

“I like your flaws,” Toriel says softly.  She squeezes tighter.  You look up at her face.  “I happen to like a lot of the things you hate about yourself.  As irrelevant as she may seem at the moment, I noticed that Ms. Undyne Peixes-Serket loves to mark herself to show her courage.  Sans, if you don’t mind...”

She reaches for your arm.  She tugs a bit on the sleeve of your jacket.  “Uh, I kinda do.”

“You’ve fought battles greater than any opponent that young woman has fought, with the most honorable scars I have seen.  Please... I do not want to say anything offensive, but your flaws are or... might even be your greatest strengths.”  She sighs.  “I will stop talking now.”

“I don’t need a pep talk right now, more of like, a mediator.”

“I will mediate.”

“I don’t think that’s the best idea.”  

She’s got no idea this is about her.  She’s better off not knowing.  Especially about Asriel, and Asgore.  “I hope you understand,” she sighs.  “People are not black and white, that is all I wanted you to realize.  I’ve noticed that... you tend to lash out when anyone suggests otherwise.  If you think so highly of your brother, I’m afraid to imagine what you think of me.”

“Yeah, you wouldn’t believe it, but Undies actually just pointed that out.”  Okay, so she was completely right.  “‘K cool, glad that’s established, I’ll go work on that.”

“Undyne reminds me of an older sister who takes it into her own hands to discipline her younger siblings.  By pointing out their flaws and refusing to acknowledge they themselves aren’t perfect either.”

“Ha, maybe, but if I’m sitting around talking about her doesn’t that make me just as bad?”  Toriel frowns thoughtfully.  Welp, you’re sick of this topic, even if it does feel nice to have someone siding with you.  For once.  “So uh, since I’m the bigger person, in the least literal sense, let’s, how ‘bout, talk about the weather.”

“It’s warm.”

“Yep.”

“I bet the gardens in the Ruins are in full bloom...”

“Wouldn’t they have been in full bloom by the time you left?”

“Yes.  Weeks before...”  Toriel sighs.  She gently pushes you off her lap and shifts further into the shade.  “In terms of not feeling my very best, I’m afraid I am right there with you.”

“Whoa...”  You crawl over to her, putting your hand on your cheek.  “What’s wrong.”

“I’ve just been having many mixed feelings about going home.”

“Oh.  Yeah, guess there was no convincing you to stay...”  You laugh awkwardly.  “Since...  You’re stuff’s still back home and everything, and, welp.”  You pause.  “Didn’t really think it was my place to tell you what to do...”

Toriel puts her hand above yours and grips it.  “I almost wish you had at times.”

“Heh...”  Welp.

“But...  It is not really in your nature, is it?  You made it clear enough in your actions, so I’m not disappointed.  It would have made things harder anyway.  I’m reluctant to leave, but also relieved.”

“Yeah, I can imagine.”

“I will finally be able to relax without fearing what surprises the next day will bring.  Of course, with nothing to fear, there is not much to look forward to either.”

“Welp, there’s the fall semester,” you say hopefully.  “Sometimes you need time to chill because, slingshot.”

Toriel giggles softly.  She squeezes your hand tighter.  “Yes, I will certainly do my fair share of relaxing.  The only question is... will I be able to come back.”

“I thought... that was the plan.”

You tug your hand away so you can straighten up.  Your legs are cramping.  Toriel lets go of your hand reluctantly.  “Perhaps I’ve been very good at hiding my anxieties.  You have only seen... two of my attacks?  They’re difficult to hide in the middle of a classroom.  And in the street, where there are so many noises, and so much movement, and nowhere to hide.  It’s a miracle I’ve made it outside nearly every day.”

“Yeah, it’s impressive, but maybe you could try... seeing a specialist?  You’ve been kinda doing this all on your own.”

“I know, and I should really try to find one.”

“I could find you one.  In half a second.  Just one text and all my friends’ll be on it.”

“Um, do not bother right away.  I don’t need all your friends knowing about me—”

“If I tell ‘em I need a specialist to help out a _friend,_ that narrows it down to about, heh, everyone.”

“Modest, aren’t you?”  Toriel raises an eyebrow.  “Well, it may seem crazy, but I think I may even miss your... quaint friends at the diner.  They’re an interesting bunch.”

“Better once you get to know ‘em.”

“And of course, I will miss visiting your house.  And your brother’s—”

“Indoor voice?”

“Hee hee, I was going to say cooking, but that too.  I wonder if I will have the chance to say goodbye to my absolute bestie before I return home.  Even if she’s bothering you, she _has_ grown on me.”

You groan through an enormous smile.  Toriel asks if you have a stomach ache.  Nope, you tell her, doing just fine in my general stomach area, it’s more of my joints that are killing, but what else is new, definitely not Undyne still hating your guts after all these years.  You don’t include that last part.  How’s _your_ stomach? you ask her, she says a little fluttery from thinking about the future.  You can relate.

“I’ll also miss my other new best friend...”

“Uhh, who?”

“Well, you might think it’s foolish, but I was rather hoping to see them again.”

“Oh god.  Not your small molester.”

“Well...”  Toriel looks away.  You knew it.  “I cannot shake the feeling that we were meant to meet.  They seemed to know me, and—  Oh, stop laughing.”

“I got competition!” you wheeze.

“Stop, it really isn’t funny.  Well, can you ask Papyrus to say hello for me next time he sees them?  I hope they haven’t been waiting for me to come back...”

“Don’t worry.”

“I always worry.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll ask him.”

“Thank you.  Good to see you can still laugh...”  She pauses long enough to pick a flower and sniff it thoughtfully.  “I will miss hearing it in person.  I am hoping that going home will make me despise being in isolation so much that I will have no choice but to return in the fall.”

“In an absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder type of way?”

“Yes...  I understand too well that I’m only returning myself to a gilded cage.  Ironically, it’s the only place I don’t feel trapped.  Since you first suggested we meet up, I’ve realized I’ve been keeping myself prisoner.  And now that I’ve had my first taste of freedom, well...”

“It’s whetted your appetite?”

“I thought it would, but I’m rather desperate to get back.”

She feels terrible for telling you all this after you did your best to make her enjoy herself.  You assure her she can tell you anything.  She’s really troubled about this, it’s making her anxiety act up worse than usual, and you reluctantly agree that change is probably best for her.  For now.  She knows she can’t stay in the Ruins forever.  Nothing you say does much to reassure her.

She sniffs another flower.  She says it smells like chamomile.  You take it and prepare to bite the top off when she knocks it out of your hand.

 _“Never_  eat strange flowers!  Anything could be poisonous!”

“But you said it smelled like chamomile.”

“I did not say it was!”  She sniffs derisively, making an offhand comment about how little you care for your own health.  You tell her you hear enough of that from your brother, and quickly change the subject back to her so that she’ll get off your back.  You want to help ease her anxieties, but you know all too well that sometimes, the only thing that works is time.  The sun drops lower in the sky and the shadows get longer the more you try, and finally you give up.

“Welp, seems we’re both not feeling our best right now...  But it seems like kind of a shame to waste such a nice day.”

“Was there something you wanted to do?”

“Nothing on the agenda, but while we’re still here...”  Toriel looks at you.  “Wanna make out?”

Her eyes widen.  “Subtle,” she says.  “I suppose...  Why not.”

She doesn’t have the chance to react before you launch yourself at her.  Laughter’s dependent on the element of surprise, and you manage to get it out of her.  A couple chuckles through her closed mouth.

“I knew that’d help.  I’m full of great ideas.”

“Do you really call _that_ making out?” Toriel asks you.

“Maybe.  If you really wanna be a teacher, wanna give me a demonstration, Ms. Toriel?”

You can’t believe you just said that.  You waggle your eyebrows.  Toriel snorts.  “I can teach you if you’re so willing and eager to learn, Mr. Bones.  But I ask for your complete and undivided attention.”

“Oh, Ms. Toriel!” You moan sarcastically.  “Teach me, Ms. Toriel!”

“Shh, no talking in my class,” Toriel whispers seductively.  Her mouth twitches with the effort to not laugh.  “Not unless you’re called on or there will be...”  She leans in until her mouth touches your ear.   _“Consequences.”_

“Ohh yes, wreck me, teach.”

“What did I say?  You naughty little troublemaker, I’m afraid you’ll have to see me after class.  Unless you promise to behave...”  Talking is forbidden, so you nod.  “Good...  Then I’ll show you a sight you’ve never seen before.”  She pulls up her skirt to the knee and reveals a pair of rainbow stockings on her legs.  “Turned on yet?”

“Oh god, oh _heck_ that’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Hush now and follow along...”  Her lips barely touch yours when it finally explodes and you both simultaneously burst out laughing.

☠☠☠

Despite the fact that she spent more time with you than studying, Toriel gets good grades.  She tells you she didn’t even have to work that hard for them, college turned out to be easier than she remembered.  Or maybe in the past several years she’s become better read, and smarter, and wiser in her ancient maturity.  Yeah, you tell her, in your thirties, might as well have one foot in the grave already.

It rains over the next couple days.  Once it clears up, it’s still too muddy to sit outside.  You and Toriel don’t get the chance to visit your special place again before time flies with the speed of an expertly aimed slingshot, and you find yourself accompanying her to the train station.

“You did good,” you tell her after you say goodbye to River.  She pays for her short ride and tells River she doesn’t need any help with her bags.  She pulls her heavy suitcases out of the trunk with only the softest of grunts.  Impressive.  “You accomplished exactly what you came here for, got some fun stories to tell the grandkids.”

“Right, the grandchildren...”

 _Wrong thing to say,_ the alarm bells in your head tell yourself.  Still, Toriel thanks you, and agrees that it’s been an overall fun adventure.  She’s very glad she stuck to her decision.  “Overall, I would not call it a bad one.  I do think I’ll be back here soon.”

“Here’s hoping.”

The train arrives at the station right on time.  “Send lots of selfies, ‘kay?”

“Yes, I will!  Now that I know how to take them.  One of my classmates showed me how to turn the camera around.  And... I will try to get a better video camera.”

“Shoulda gotten you that as a gift instead.”

“I thought all your gifts were lovely.”

“Aww, heh...”  The doors open.  Passengers rush onto their train.  You walk Tori to the doors.  “So, welp.  Guess this is it, huh.”

“Sans, thank you for everything.”  She leans down and gives you a swift kiss.  “I will see you soon, I hope.”

“Tori...”  You reach for her hand.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Her face reddens.  “You’re wonderful,” she says.  “Do take care of yourself...”

“Yeah.”

You let go of her hand.  She drags her suitcases after her onto the train.  Bodies flood in front of her, but when she waves, her hand appears far above everyone’s heads.  “See ya,” you tell her.  The doors slide shut just as you add, “Good luck.”

The train starts moving.  No point watching till it turns the corner.  You hobble away to catch a ride back home.  Maybe a few months ago you would have walked it, but you don’t want to risk your poor delicate bones anymore.

The ride home is silent.  You’re in the mood for staring out the window and brooding.  But more than that, you’re in the mood for some good old physical affection.  Toriel hasn’t been on the train for ten minutes and you’re already missing it.

You get off at home and quietly open the door.  Find something to do, get your mind off this.  You find Papyrus watching TV in the living room.

“Hey, bro.”

“Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something very important?”

You recognize Mettaton’s handsome bishounen face on the screen.  You sit down on the couch next to him and wait until it cuts to commercial.  Then you poke him in the arm.

“Hey.  Papyrus.”

“Hello, Sans.”

“Are hugs still banned?”

“Yes, I’m afraid they are.”

“Well, Toriel just went home,” you say.

“Oh?  I didn’t get to say goodbye!  But, no worries!”  He whips his cellphone out of his pocket.  “I have her phone number!  I’ll send a quick text.”

He texts a wordy farewell to Toriel.  “So I was gonna ask,” you say, “if, just this once, you could make an exception?  Please?  I’m kinda bummed about Tori leaving.”

Papyrus hesitates.  “Fine,” he finally says.  “Just this once.”

He wraps his arms around you.  You squeeze back happily, cuddling up as close as you can get.  Maybe this hug is just the slightest bit stiffer than Papyrus’s usual hugs, but it’s exactly what you needed.  “If I stay like this and don’t move it still counts as one hug, right?”

“I guess!”

“Kay good, I’m not letting go till this fall.”  Or, that is, whenever Toriel decides she’s ready to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For like the 8th time I had to cut a chapter in half, because what happens in the next chapter is so big it'd take away from Toriel's departure. I can't think of anything new to say here, got nothing to add really, bye bye Toriel.
> 
> I PROMISE MORE SHIT HAPPENS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. shit that answers questions that u guys have probably been asking since the beginning but forgot about since it's been such a long time since they were last brought up.
> 
> Sans and Toriel student/teacher roleplaying is as NSFW as this fic's gonna get and not just because my mom's reading this, but because it's still rated T. Hope that wasn't too raunchy for anyone.
> 
> OH YEAH nearly forgot the "oh ms toriel" thing is a reference to this comic http://poisondilu.tumblr.com/post/140591748416/what-am-i-doing-with-my-life-zeezeepearl-please thank you


	25. The Secret Codeword

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans meets an old friend. And Toriel tells her story from her point of view.
> 
> And most importantly, all your faves are problematic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter may be uhh, pretty heavy on the emotional content. Remember when I said chapter 12 was the worst chapter and it all went up from there? wELp boy do i got news for u. this chapter's got all the heavy stuff. Depressing backstory, some abuse mentions, and suicide. So like, proceed with caution... maybe ask someone in advance to give you a hug when you're finished....

 “Noooo!  You’ve defeated me!”

“Heheheh.  You never stood a chance.”

“The great overlord Papyrus, losing to a measly underdog like you!  How could I lose when I am much stronger and more attractive—”

“You’re milking it,” you interrupted.  “Uh, I mean, hand over the prisoner.”

“You want her?  Take her!”

Papyrus swung his arm back and launched Temmie across the room.  You didn’t feel like moving in time to catch her before she fell and hit the ground, but that was fine, when you could bend time to your will, you could save her whenever you wanted.  A time-travelling superhero was the only kind of superhero you wanted to be, because you could do everything on your own watch.

For the sake of keeping things heated, you raced to your time machine where you met your assistant (Papyrus didn’t feel like playing the villain when the villain wasn’t playing, and besides, he was great at every role), and spent a great deal of time going a minute into the past to save Temmie before she splattered on the ground and spilled all her Temmie guts out.

Papyrus stood on the side and threw her up in the air again, you caught her and rushed back to your time machine (a cabinet where you and the others kept your pants, even though this was a _real time machine_ that you built yourself) where you traveled to stop the Great Overlord Papyrus in the future.  His plot was complicated and full of holes, which you pointed out to him.

“Y’know, if this were real, it’d never work, we’d probably wreck the space-time continuum...”

“It’s all pretend, so it doesn’t matter!”

“Time travel’s _serious,_ bro.”

You tried to teach him again how time travel was supposed to work, how to create stable time loops, but then dinner was called and your game was interrupted and you and Papyrus didn’t make it to the dining room fast enough to get seats next to each other.  He wolfed down his food as fast as he could so you could get back to your game.  You joined him as soon as you could, but when you got back to your room, you couldn’t find Temmie anywhere.

“We can’t play without Temmie,” Papyrus said sadly.

“Yeah, she’s a key player in this...  Aw well.”

You sat down on his bed.  You’d been playing this game for a week now, pretty long considering that it was hard to get into the plot sometimes.  But you’d never played the hero before.  That was Papyrus, he was either the hero or the villain, or most of the time, both.  You made a good damsel in distress.  Interestingly, Papyrus liked being the villain better.  And when you knew what you were doing, playing hero was fun.

It was like you were one of the time traveling heroes in your books.  Another thing that made everything much more fun is that it was all entirely possible.

Papyrus landed beside you with a loud groan.  “Ugnnh, what do we do noooow?”

“Research,” you said.  “So we can build a real time machine.”

“Are we gonna build a better one?  If we pretend hard enough, the closet can be like a real—”

“No, a _real_ real time machine.”  Papyrus frowned.  “Guess there’s no rush...  Once we build it, we can use it whenever we want.  Any time.  Even now.  Even if it takes like fifty years.”

Papyrus didn’t get it.  How could you use it now if it took fifty years?  Well that’s the point of time travel, bro, you explained.  “And... if you don’t think of time in a linear way, then, that means the time machine’s already made.  Future me’s just deciding when’s the best time to come back and pick us up.”

“How can it have already happened if it hasn’t happened yet?”

“Because you’re thinking of time as something that moves.  It’s like a line...”  You picked up a shoelace.  “We’re over here.  And the future’s over here.  We haven’t got there yet, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  In the future, _we’re_ the past.  So to future Sans, we’re a memory.  See, you don’t...”  He’d never get it.

“Oh, I get it!”  You perked up.  “So... everything is really happening at once?  That’s amazing!”

“Not exactly.”

“So future me exists already!  Future Papyrus is already a real superhero!”

“That’s right.  And future me could even be present me.  Because he could be anywhere at any point on the timeline by now.”

“Is future Papyrus with him?”

“Yeah.  Of course.”  You’d nearly forgotten about future Papyrus, but now you can see him in your time machine, helping you keep it clean and keeping track of timelines.  He’s already a great time traveling assistant.  No, time traveling _partner_.  “Once we build our time machine, we’re out of here for good.  Then... we go around and...”  Save the day?  Or chill and watch time happen from your little box.  That sounds fun.

“What about our parents?”

“What parents.”

“We’ll find my mom in the future, right?”

“We’ll probably have a better chance of finding her in the past.”  You watch him smile.  He likes that idea, so you won’t tell him that you don’t.  You don’t want to find his mom.  Even if Papyrus says that she can be your mom too.  You don’t trust this mysterious mom.  You’re worried that his mom didn’t want him.  Which means that in any point in time, she probably still doesn’t.  And if he found out, he’d be crushed.  You make a note to your future self that if you ever find her, you’ll keep Papyrus from meeting her.

You had a long list of things you wanted future you to remember.  You figured you should write them down, but then, anyone could see them.  You needed a code.  “Someday,” you said, “I’m gonna come pick us up.  So, if you see a guy that looks like me but taller, don’t get in the box with him unless he gives you the secret codeword.”

“What about future Papyrus?”

“If I tell present Papyrus, then future Papyrus already knows.  Can present Papyrus promise to never tell anyone?”

Papyrus nodded and zipped his lips with his fingers.  “Okay.  It’s....”  He leaned forward.  You looked around and whispered, _“I’m a stupid doodoo butt.”_

“WHAAT?”  Papyrus drew back.  “No!  We need a different one!”

“No,” you giggled, “that’s what you’re gonna have to say or I’m not getting in a time machine with you.  Or me.”

“So when I’m future me I’m gonna have to tell little me, ‘I’m a stu—’”

You shoved your hand over his mouth before he shouted the secret codeword to the world.  He finished the phrase under your hand angrily.  “It’s a brilliant codeword,” you said.  “And you’re never gonna get me to change it.”

“No, it’s dumb!  We should have a better codeword, like, ‘Papyrus is the best!’”

“The secret codeword can’t be something I say every day,” you told him with a friendly wink.  “Think of it.  Future me’s gonna come back to take us to the future, and I’ll say, ‘Sorry Sans, I can’t come with you until you say the secret codeword.’  And he’ll have to say it.”  You snort at the thought of it.  “I get to prank myself across time and space.”

“I hate it when you do that,” Papyrus said, folding his arms as though you’d done it before.  Who knew, maybe you had.

“But since you know the secret codeword now...  I need another one.  A _secret_ -secret codeword.”

“Why?”

“Just for me.  Since you already know the secret codeword, _anyone_ could find out.  Future Sans could be really future Papyrus dressed as future me.  It could get confusing.”

“What’s the _secret_ -secret codeword?”

“Can’t tell you.  That’s what makes it secret-secret.  It’s not just _secret_ secret.  It’s secret secret _triple_ secret.  That way, I’ll always know it’s me.”

“But you can trust me!  I already promised not to tell the _secret_ codeword, even if it is really bad!”

“Sorry.  It’s Sans-only.”

“Do you know what it is?”

“Heh, _yeah_ I know what it is.”

“Tell me!”

“Can’t.”

“TELL ME!”

You locked your lips with your fingers.  Papyrus tried getting the secret-secret codeword out of you, threatening to tickle you to death.  You laughed with your mouth closed.  You were uncrackable.  Even when Papyrus tried to guilt trip you.  If you couldn’t trust your own pretend brother with your secrets, how could you trust anyone?  Welp, secrets were the one thing you trusted yourself with.

“But what if you forget?” he finally asked.  “You should tell me because I never forget anything!”

“Trust me bro,” you said, your backup codeword echoing vividly in your head, “no Sans across any timeline will ever forget this one.”

☠☠☠  

_*I just got home!  
*It smells wonderful.  If you’ll excuse me, I am going to bed._

 

You text Toriel a quick goodnight and start thinking about sleep yourself.  After Toriel went on the train, you missed her terribly for about an hour, until she texted you because she was bored, and you spent her entire train ride exchanging jokes.  The sun’s almost up, and you didn’t get a wink of sleep.  You weren’t even thinking of sleep.  You hope Toriel has a nice long rest.

She doesn’t text you the next day until late in the afternoon.  She’s exhausted from travelling, and she thinks she’s going to spend the day in bed.  Until late in the evening, when she gets up and decides to bake some pies.

She finally sends you a picture, not of her, but of a weird looking kid you’ve never seen before at a kitchen table, eating a slice of pie.

 

_*Little Whimsy enjoying his pie!!_

_*cute_

 

She sends another picture of a squat woman with a wide mouth who looks like a frog.  She’s blushing deeply.

 

_*Mrs. Froggit loves a compliment!!_

 

She’s back to her old self.  It pains you to think this way, but you don’t think you’ve seen her this happy in five weeks.  Her visit to Snowdin must have really stressed her out.  You don’t have very much to report on your end, so you let her do most of the talking.  And you tell her you’re happy she’s happy.  Her days aren’t as dull as you thought they’d be, with the families back in their vacation home she spends most of her waking hours tidying up the place.  Laundry, dishes, dusting all the useless knick-knacks, chores you know nothing of because Papyrus always does them.

 

_*Believe it or not, when I had my own house I never did laundry._

_*no freaking way thats the most shocking of news ive ever heard i just fell off my seat_

_* >:/_  
_*I hired a maid to do all the work.  I barely even knew how to wash dishes!_  
 _*These days, I actually find it rather enjoyable.  Most predictable and repetitive activities are relaxing._  
 _*This is why I think I was born to me a mom.  Every one of my passions has to do with housekeeping and children.  It’s almost unnatural!_

_*yeah all your interests like snails_

_*]:)  
*I see your point.  I suppose I’m overthinking...  I cannot help it!  My mind refuses to settle._

_*so guess youre happy to be back home_

_*Yes.  It is such a relief to be back._

 

You’re happy she’s happy, but you can’t help feeling that guilty twinge of disappointment.  The happier she is back home, the less likely she is to come back to Snowdin.  Welp, that’s fine, like you told her, she shouldn’t do anything she’s not ready for.  But can you keep up a long-distance relationship?

“Oh, it’s just for the summer,” Toriel assures you in her first post-Snowdin phone call.  “Once the families leave and the flowers wither, I’m sure the Ruins will go back to being boring and dreary...  For now though, it’s absolutely beautiful!  I wish you could see it.”

“Ha, yeah, it’s really nice.  I saw all your pictures.”

“Oh, what I meant is that I wish you could see it for real.  My phone camera does not do the gardens justice.  Next summer, you and Papyrus should visit!”

“Are the other families cool with that?”

“I don’t see why not!  We have plenty of guests here.  I’m sure they’d be glad for the company!  It doesn’t have a pool, but there’s a nice lake for swimming.  You can even bring Undyne with if she finds herself missing her very best friend!”

Toriel chuckles.  You laugh awkwardly with her.  “Oh!” she adds.  “Did you give Papyrus my message?  Has he seen that child lately?”

“Uhh, don’t know if he’s seen them but—”

“Did you tell him to say hello for me?”

“Yep,” you lie, and as soon as you get off the phone you ask him.  He says he’ll pass on Toriel’s message the next time he sees the kid, but he doesn’t know when that’ll be.  They come and go as they please.

You still can’t shake the feeling that it’s your kid, the bad omen.  It weighs on you, and as much as you want to convince yourself it’s really not important, you’re unnerved.

Toriel sends you a picture that nearly puts the kid out of your mind.  It’s her first selfie.

 

_*This is my favorite bug hunting spot!  (Credits to Mrs. Froggit for taking the picture.)_

 

The picture doesn’t look like a photo.  It looks like a painting.  It shows a glowing white woman with braided white hair, kneeling in the middle of a circle of greenery.  She smiles at the camera from under the wide brim of a sunhat.  You save the picture to your phone.

Whatever she decides to do in the fall, and wherever that creepy kid is, it’s hard to feel anything less than happy to see her smiling so genuinely.

☠☠☠

You wake up early enough on Sunday morning to catch the doorbell ring.  Papyrus yells “I’LL GET IT,” as though your lazy ass would ever get the door yourself, which makes you suspicious.  Suspicious enough to get out of bed and peek down the stairs.

“Is that Undyne?”

Papyrus freezes on his way to the door, his hand halfway to the doorknob.  “Erm.  Good morning Sans, maybe you should go back to bed.”

“Heh, never thought I’d hear those words outta your mouth.”  You chuckle.  “She doesn’t wanna see me, huh?  Too bad, it’s my damn house.”

“Good,” Papyrus huffs, “because she wasn’t planning on coming in.”

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Undyne shouts from the other side of the door.  “YOU COMING OUT OR WHAT?”

“JUST A MOMENT!” he calls back.  He turns to you and says, “She said she’s afraid that if she sees you again she’ll... punch you?  And I don’t want that to happen so could you just... make yourself scarce.  For two seconds.”

“So if I just keep standing here, she’ll have to wait in the sun?”  You jam your hands in your pockets.  Undyne hates the cold, but she’s not fond of heat either.

“Why would you _do_ that?  Just to aggravate us?”  Papyrus draws his hand back and stomps up the stairs.

“Where’re you going.”

“Out the balcony!”

“Uh, you don’t have to do that, I’ll move—”

“Well, maybe I feel like it!  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have fun with my friend.”

Damn, you really fucked up.  You’ve been a real ass, taking advantage of Papyrus and expecting him to treat you as nice as he’s always had for insinuating a fight against his best friend.  One of his _only_ friends.  Undyne’s done so much to help him and you, you just keep taking...

You should move past this.  You thought you had already.  Nothing good’s ever come out of hating yourself, all you can do is try and fix the things that bother you so much.  Later, when he comes home, you’ll clear things up.

Papyrus beats you to it.

 

_*I DID NOT MEAN TO COME OFF AS RUDE BEFORE  
*I JUST WANT TO KNOW WE’RE NOT IN A FIGHT_

_*nah were not in a fight_

_*OK GOOD.  I STILL THINK THAT SOMETIME SOON THOUGH WE SHOULD HAVE A TALK_

 

You’ve been overdue for another feelings jam.  Toriel’s been away for a week now, and your days feel very... long.  You spend them on your phone, staring at your screen, getting a laugh from things that Toriel sent you.

You tell Papyrus that night.  First, you tell him that you’re still supportive of his friendship with the angry shark woman, and you’ll stay out of their way.  He’s glad you understand.  He was worried that you were making him choose between his two greatest friends.  You tell him not to worry.  After that, he asks how you’re feeling, and you talk about Toriel.  You talk about Toriel much longer than Undyne, maybe an hour longer, explaining all your feelings to yourself as well as Papyrus.

You’re too used to waking up with something big to look forward to.  Your mind still subconsciously makes ideas, planning dates.  But now she’s back home, and you just have to get used to getting back into your old repetitive cycle.  

What you don’t tell him is that you’re afraid that you miss her a lot more than she misses you, and as much as you want to be happy for her, the more content she is at home, the more you fear she’ll never come back, and the more you feel like a selfish prick.

What you do wind up admitting is that since this winter, your life’s been leading up to Toriel’s visit.  You weren’t even expecting her to stay for a month, but still, now that you’ve fulfilled your promise, you’re not sure where to go from here.

“But.  The weird thing is, I don’t feel suicidal anymore.”

“Thank god!”

“No, thank the drugs.  And uh, I guess you, and Tori...”

“I don’t think you always need a very specific reason for living in order to live,” Papyrus says.  “Sometimes it’s just enough to think about what great things you can accomplish tomorrow!”

“For normal people.”

You add that this feeling of emptiness is probably temporary, you’ll be fine once you get used to it.  Besides, you’re still high from her visit, good feelings still linger.

Papyrus is happy with the outcome of the feelings jam.  He’s glad you can finally be open with each other and he feels a lot better.  You’re glad to be on good terms with him, so you don’t ask for a hug.  That’d be pushing it.

His phone moans Mettaton’s sexy moan, and he picks it up and quickly texts back.

“Wow rude, even _I_ kept my phone away.  Who’re you texting?”

“Toriel,” Papyrus answers.

“Haha.”

“I asked what she’s been up to and she sent me many pictures!  She’s not a bad photographer!”

“Yeah, she’s been really into sending pictures lately.”  You look over his shoulder.  They’re all pies, and she’s sent them to you, too.  “Didn’t know you were also keeping up a correspondence with her.”

“Only occasionally.  She’s very nice!”

You text Toriel and she says the same about Papyrus, he’s very nice, and it’s good to have more friends.  She also texts her friends from the librarby sometimes.  She feels “quite popular.”  It’s good to finally have a modicum of a social life while not having to fear leaving the safety of her home.

You remind her she wanted to be a teacher.  She says she still does.  Still, she can take college classes online.  At least for a little while.  She’ll be ready to come back eventually, but for now, it feels good to relax.

You won’t be pushy.  Once the summer ends and she’s alone again, Toriel knows that she’ll get lonely.  She’ll miss the company even more than she used to.  And she’ll be better prepared next time she leaves.

☠☠☠

Every time your anomaly friend disappears, you’re convinced you’ll never see them again.  Something about the kid, you think, represents your mental health.  And since you’ve gotten healthier, you’ve been seeing them around less and less.  Once you recover for good, the kid will be gone from the world.  Gone from your imagination.

So when they show up again today, you know you’ve hit a decline.  It’s not even shocking anymore.  It doesn’t fill you with that same chill.  They’re just waiting around.  They get close.  Close enough for you to talk to them.

“You gonna buy anything?” you ask.

The kid shuffles closer.  Your heart misses a beat.  They don’t usually get this close.  Their hands jammed in their pockets, their head lowered, their eyes as expressionless as ever.  “How’s it going,” you say.

The kid approaches the counter.  They’re right in front of you.  “Listen,” you say, “s’much as I appreciate the company, all I wanna know is, if you’re for real.”

Instead of answering, they rest on their elbow on the counter.  They lean up to you,  point their fingers and...

_Bang._

With two clicking sounds, they shoot off imaginary finger guns.  With the widest of grins.

That's gotta be the first time you've seen their face change.  You can't even react, you don't know how to.  They waggle their fingers again, nodding their head.  "Uhh..."  That sideways grin looks inappropriate on a child.  You'd expect to see it on a dirty old man.  "Are you... trying to flirt with me?"

They raise their eyebrows.

"So you, uh, you've been stalking me all this time because, you've been wanting to get with me, but were too shy to approach?"

The kid finger-bangs a little more desperately this time.

"’Kay kid, that's not gonna work.  You shouldn't've waited.  Look, if you've got feelings for me, or anyone for that matter, you've gotta spit it out.  Unless you know what you're doing.  In most cases, and definitely with people like me, it's better if you just wing it."

They drop the fingers and look down.  "Hey, don't look like that.  We can still be friends.  Lemme give you some advice.  It's crucial for once you move on.  Flirting only gets you so far.  The way to a man's heart, it's through his stomach."

The kid frowns over the counter at your stomach.

"Right.  And the way to a woman's heart, they don't tell you this, it's through knock knock jokes.  You listening?"

The kid nods.  "Cool.  That's all I'll tell you for now, that's my free trial.  You want more advice, you'll need to buy a hotdog.  ‘Cause, this stand sells hotdogs, not dating advice.  And to be honest, I'm not too completely comfortable with you standing around to get with someone you don't even know."

The kid reaches into their pockets and turns them inside out.  They're empty.  They look at you helplessly.

You hate it, but something in your heart nudges.  "I see," you say.  "Alright, just this once, it's on the house."

As you turn to make your hotdog, you marvel over the fact that you're having a normal conversation with the weird kid.  They're here, probably, sort of interacting with you.  Is it still your imagination?  You hand over the 'dog, and the kid bends their head and points to the top of it.

"You want me to put it on your head?"

Nodnod.

"However you want it, kid."  You place it down.  The kid looks at you expectantly.  Good thing you can read expressions well, because they're not saying a word.  "You want more?"

They trace something on the counter, a symbol.  You look down.  "Two..."  Nine.  "Twenty nine?  You want... twenty nine freebies?  Wow kid, you sure ask for a lot.  Maybe try me on a different day when I'm in a more generous mood."

They seem disappointed.  "Twenty nine hotdogs, huh," you mutter.  "Yknow, 'stead of just giving me vague hints, you could stand to tell me what's on your mind once in a while.  Twenty nine's an oddly specific number."

They point to your arms.  You have no idea what they mean, but you know subconsciously that your arms can't reach that high.  Something about the number twenty nine feels very reasonable.  "Uhh..."  You prepare another hotdog while the kid waits for you to say something.  You walk around to the front, reach out, and pat the kid on the shoulder.  It's solid enough.  "Think I'll close up the stand early today.  Seems like you and I have a bit of catching up to do."

Once the stand is closed, the kid follows closely behind you until you reach a bench, the bench you used to meet Toriel at.  "Welp."  You bite into your hotdog.  "It's a beautiful day out."

The kid points to the sun.  "The sun is shining," you comment.  A bird sings.  "Birds are chirping..."  The kid's eyes bore into you.  "Uhh, let's just get to the point.  About flirting..."

The kid turns away.  "Hey, isn't this what you wanted?  Look, I'm something of an expert on this stuff, even if I'm not usually so big on the dating thing.  And, since I want you to be happy, I'll let you in on everything I know."

The kid takes a bite out of their hotdog.  You take a bite out of yours.  All your worries are driven from your mind, the only thing that's important is teaching this kid how to properly hit on people.

"So.  Yknow what I said about the way to a man and a woman's heart?  Now it's more—"  The kid interrupts with a frown.  "I know what you're thinking.  What if they're not a man or a woman?"  They nod seriously.  "Well, that's exactly it.  It's all a lot more complicated than it seems, since gender's a wide spectrum.  But figuring out whether they need food or knock knock jokes is about more than just finding out where they fit on the gender spectrum, though it's probably the best indicator."

The kid seems pleased with the inclusion.  "So what you'll learn," you add, "is that flirting is about as complicated as the gender spectrum, but uh, maybe a little easier to figure out depending on the person.  And since very few people fit on either end of the gender binary, it all starts with a keen eye and a consideration for identity.  Now flirting, that follows the same principles.  You taking notes, kid?"

Nodnodnod.

"Good, 'cause I think we're done for the day.  I don't wanna confuse you.  Take time to digest this new information.  Today's just the introduction.  The correlation between tastes and gender may be a little too complicated for a beginner.  Next lesson's gonna be simpler."

The kid tries to use their hands to sign something, making wild gestures, and even your intuition has a hard time reading it.  Their face is concentrated on their gestures, you can't read it.  "Uhh, I notice that you're really not much of a talker."

They point to their throat and shake their head.

"Ah.  Can't speak, huh.  That's cool."  You put down your hotdog and smile.  With your hands, you sign, _I-speak-in-hands._

Their eyes widen.  You'd never seen them widen past slits, but they open up as far as they can.  They sign back so quickly you can barely follow.  You only spoke sign language for a few months, but you can barely make out...

"Did you just say... I'm a stupid doodoo butt?"

_Nodnodnod._

"Wow."  That brings you back.  Back to the day.  Back in time.  "I can't believe you would say that.  Not only is that completely infantile..."  Did you really think that was clever...?  "But it's also my secret codeword."

The kid beams at you.

"I made that secret codeword in case I ever met a time traveler.  I've been counting on myself to tell me that.  Heh, not taking into account stable timeloops, and all the complications that would come with meeting my future self... But that, however, isn't good enough."

The kid's face falls.  "There's one other person who knew the secret codeword, and I wouldn't put it past him to tell you.  What you need is the _secret_ -secret codeword.  If you wanna prove you're a time traveler."

What was it again?  You don't even remember.  And you were sure you always would.  It was brilliant, you recall, or maybe it was to your seven year old self.  It was probably something just as infantile, but you're surprised Papyrus remembered.  He's probably met this kid before.  They've probably hit on him, too.  Did Papyrus tell them stories of when you were kids?  That's kind of cute.  Sweet that he remembers.  You're lost in reminiscing when the kid taps you on the arm.

"Hm?  You got something to say to me me?"

The kid smirks and signs,

_I'm the legendary fartmaster._

That was it.

You remember now, clear as day, that was it, and you never wrote it down.  You'd _never_ write it down.  You'd never given any hint, unless you said it in your sleep and Papyrus somehow remembered?  You realize you're sweating.  They can't know.  They shouldn't know.  That was only for future Sans to know, a future Sans that had invented time travel...

"Wow, that's uh, really childish.  Who told you to say that?"

They point to you.  They sign something about a secret-secret codeword.

"Well, whoever told you that is a dirty liar.  I don't have a secret-secret codeword.  However..."  You wink.  "I do have a secret-secret _triple_ secret codeword, which you just said.  Congratulations kid, you've convinced me.  Gimme your message, I'm all ears."

The kid signs quickly, you catch _key_ and _room_ and wish you were a little faster. You can gauge the rest from their expression.  "The key to my room?  Don't know why you want to get in there, but don't you think you're moving a little fast?  Why’d you think I’d let you in my room?  We gotta be a thing a bit longer than this, at least get my number first.”

The kid stops signing and leans their head back.   _How do I do it?_ they ask.

"What, get in my room?  Well, I kind of have a thing going on with someone, so I don't think we'll be getting to the next base anytime soon."

_Who?_

"None of your business, kid."

_Where is she?_

"Home," you say.  "And, this is the first time I've had anything like this going on, and I don't wanna mess it up by well, seeing a kid on the side.  Plus, I'm sorry but I'm just not that into you."  You chuckle lightheartedly.  The kid looks down.

"Okay, so tell me, are you a time traveler?  Or some sort of dimension-hopper?  If I told you the codewords—"

They sign _dimension hopper._  Sort of.  They've come from a world like this one, but they're stuck.  They've lost control, of some sort, the world has changed, you lose the thread after a while.

"Okay so, one moment I'm dealing with totally normal adult stuff like, relationships and paying bills, and now I'm tryna help a time-traveling alien get back to their homeworld.  Okay."

The kid signs that they're not an alien.  They're a human.

"I see that."

_And you're also a human._

"But inside, I'm a skeleton."

Nodnod.

"And so're you."

Shakeshake.

"So your species doesn't have skeletons?"

_I'm a human._

"Sounds like something a time-travelling alien would say."

_Don't you remember me?_

"You wanna know the answer?"

Nod.

"Yeah, I do.  But.  They're not the best memories, so I wanna start fresh."

They ask what you remember.  "You, sometimes, weren't so nice.  And by that I mean you went on a mad rampage and killed everyone I loved, plus, everyone else.  But, that's then, and this is now.  I'm totally willing to start over."

_So you do remember._

"Uhh..."

_The underground._

"What."

_Monsters._

"The heck."

_A flower._

“Okay, I don’t know about the other things you said, but there’s definitely nothing about a flower.  So, you get the same visions I do, plus a flower?  You didn’t kill the flower too, didya?”

_Sometimes._

“Thought so.  It’s okay kid, I killed a lot of flowers this year.”  You clap a reassuring hand on their shoulder.  “Welp, if you’re getting nightmares about killing everyone, that’s probably not good.”

_But you get them too_

“Eh, I don’t really think too much of it.”

_Memories not nightmares_

“A memory’s about something that already happened.  And, as far as I recall, you didn’t actually go on a genocide of everyone I know.  So I’d call those visions.  But, that’s just semantics.  Visions, memories, whatever you wanna call ‘em, I just got one question for you.  In this life, this world...”  You look them dead in the eye and grin.  “Did you kill my brother?”

The kid flinches.   _Is he alive?_ they sign.

“Last I saw him was this morning.”

They shake their head.  “So you didn’t kill him?”  Another shake.  “Okay, we’re cool then.  Glad you finally decided to come forward, I was starting to get...”  You laugh humorlessly.  “You can’t blame a guy for fearing for the safety of his family, can you?  I’ll admit, you standing around all the time was starting to freak me out.”

 _Sorry,_ they sign.

“Whew.  So, about alternate me, did this other world version of me give you the secret codewords?”

_Yes._

“Oh man.  I can’t believe it, I was actually right about something.  Yknow, as a kid, I told myself I’d never forget it.  Glad to hear I’d never change.”

The kid smiles.  Next thing you know, tears start dripping down their face.  “Hey, calm down, bud.  If you wanna tell me what these visions mean, I’ll probably believe it.  Don’t—”

Their shoulders shake.

“Kid...”

They wipe their eyes on their sleeve.  “You wanna napkin?” you ask.  You hand one over.  They blow their nose.  The only noises they make are tiny sniffling noises.  You can barely hear it.  “So, let’s get this straight.  What we’re both remember is other worlds or something, right?  Me ‘n Papyrus were there, and you—”

_I saved everyone_

“Ha, yeah _that_ I don’t remember.  But... I said I’d believe you so, sure.  So, maybe I’m stretching a bit but, ever heard of the multiverse, kid?”

They shrug.

“Yeah...  Sounds like you’re from a similar universe.  And something got mixed up along the way.  Heh, even the fabric of spacetime isn’t perfect.  But, if it’s really just you from other universes with one difference, that difference could be the intention to kill.  Since you’re the difference, that’s why it’s...”  You should know how to say this.  “Okay, so you know the solar system.  The sun’s at the center.  So you’re the sun.”

The kid looks up at the sun, confused.

“Yeah, so if the sun had the intent to kill, the solar system would go up in flames.  But when it doesn’t, it doesn’t.  You following?”  Shakeshake.  “In your set of multiverses, you’re the one who causes the shift in events.  Otherwise, everything would be exactly the same. But somehow, you’ve got the power to retain it all.  So, ha, that’s gotta be lonely.”

Nodnod.

“Wish you’d just told me instead of standing around.  Welp, now that we’ve got this out in the open and know that we’re not both crazy, we should talk again soon.  I wanna hear all about this other world.  But... it’s gettin’ kinda late, dontcha think?”

Shrug.

“Your family’s gonna be wondering where you are.  You got somewhere to go back to?”

Nod.

“You should get going before they get worried.  See me again soon at the end of my shift.  Can’t afford to take off another day.  But I’d love to hang out and talk about alternate universes over lunch.”

“And get your parents’ permission,” you add.

 _OK,_ the kid replies.

“Cool... so, we’re on, then.”

They sign thank you for the hotdog.  You wonder if they really do have a place to go back to.  Next time they show up, you’ll into it more.  Kid’s already suspicious.  You wish you’d talked to them longer.  You probably should have.  They seemed really down.  You’re concerned for the kid’s wellbeing, but you’ve never been much of a meddler.

So.  Hell yeah, Alphys’s multiverse theory was correct!  It’s pretty amazing, maybe you should try and contact her just to tell her.  Maybe she’ll become hopeful that she’ll meet Mew Mew Kissy Cutie again.

You still don’t get it.  Not a bit, but at least you know it’s real.  And you feel months of weight lifting off your chest.  You don’t have to worry about this kid.  They’re just a kid.  You talked to them.

God, you feel twenty pounds lighter.  Freaking giddy until you check your phone and find that you’ve got no new texts.  That’s always a downer.

You want to tell Toriel, you want to tell _someone,_ but you can’t imagine how you’d explain yourself.  For now, you’ll keep it between you and the kid.

☠☠☠

You can’t believe it.  You found at least fifty new rare pepes and Toriel hasn’t responded to any of them.  You finally put down your phone and decide, maybe you should do something else.  There’s plenty to do, like your job...

 

_*You would not believe who is here._

 

Thank the maker.  You shut your laptop and text back in a flash.

 

_*try me_

_*The child I met in Snowdin is paying a visit._

_*what  
*the mini molesters still pursuing you_

_*Please, Sans.  They’ve come a long way.  It seems as though they walked it on foot, but I can’t understand how.  
*Either way they arrived at the doorstep absolutely filthy.  And exhausted._

_*they came all the way for the booty_

_*This is serious!  They were alone!  
*I don’t know how they found this place, but it seems like they were looking for me._

_*thats creepy  
*call the police_

_*Oh gosh, should I?_

_*yeah  
*wheres the kid now_

_*Washing up._

_*k make sure to keep an eye on them_

_*They’re only a child!  What could they possibly do?_

_*take it from someone who understands the nature of shady people, there could be some grownups outside using the kid to get at you_   
_*covering the kid with dirt and sending them in to get your money_   
_*you said they seemed to know you right_

_*They do!  When I offered them food, they asked for pie.  I never said anything about a pie to them!_

_*yeah probably some grownups know you over at the ruins and theyre using a kid to wrench at your heartstrings  
*and theyre doing a shit job of faking it_

_*I don’t think that could be it.  I think they have something they want to tell me.  
*Nothing adds up._

_*so youre just gonna trust this kid. do you even know their name?_

_*I will ask them.  
*They are finished with the bath.  I have to go._

 

You text her to let you know what happens.  Is this woman for real?  You fear for her safety.  Maybe you’ll call the cops yourself.  If only you knew where she lived.  Why haven’t you ever asked her before?  It’s almost as weird as not asking this strange kid for their name.

Toriel gives you your answer a couple hours later.

 

_*The child’s name is Frisk._

_*lmao what kind of a name is frisk_

_*What kind of a name is Papyrus?_

_*touche_

_*Anyway, we had a long talk.  Frisk isn’t from Snowdin.  They merely visit from time to time.  They’re homeless.  I didn’t learn everything though, they couldn’t keep their eyes open so...  I sent them to bed.  
*In the morning we will figure out what to do._

_*ok listen that sounds exactly like something a con artist would cook up  
*kid must be a really good actor_

_*So what.  Even if they are working with adults who are out to steal my money, they are only a child.  Do you think I should send them out in the cold?  
*Tomorrow I will tell the owners to have the property searched.  If we find anyone suspicious, then I will see to it that the child is saved from them._

_*yeah thats probably a better idea  
*get the kid on your side and have them kick ass with you_

_*I really don’t think they’re here for any ulterior motive.  Even so, no matter what, they need rest._

_*what are they even doing there then did they tell you that_

_*They missed me.  
*They just wanted to see me as far as I know, I’m not sure why, but after they came all this way I can’t just throw them out._

_*what do your friends say_

_*I will speak to them in the morning._  
_*Now, I need rest too._  
 _*Good night._

 

You think she’s a little pissed at you.  You guess you can understand.  Molestation jokes stop being funny.  There are so many jokes you could make about a situation as weird as this, but you don’t think Tori’s much up for laughs right now.

You don’t understand it, but you hope she knows what she’s doing.

☠☠☠

 _*I spoke to the owners.  I checked the premises, counted the silver, and checked the locks on the safes.  Everything is as I left it._  
*The owners seem to know Frisk too.  
*The Froggits seem especially fond of them.  Frisk seems to be good friends with everyone.  They certainly know how to get on their good sides.  
*I’m afraid no one but me really understands them, but I let Mrs. Froggit know that what Frisk said was a compliment.  She didn’t understand, but she was flattered anyway.  
*And they know that little Whimsy prefers to be left alone...  
*They have probably visited the Ruins before.

_*so its been decided that youre just gonna do... nothing?_

_*Frisk has been on the run for a while.  They haven’t had the best home situations, even though they’re a sweet, kind child._  
*We are going to let them stay until we can all figure something out.  
*I don’t think it’s possible for Frisk to stay permanently.  Once the families leave, this place will become too lonely and isolated.  This child needs a better home.

_*so youre already thinking about keeping it?_

_*Frisk is not an IT!_

_*sorry_  
*i mean, if youre sure about this, and everyone else is sure  
*do they know em

 _*I’m not sure, no one is sure, but they all have the same feeling about Frisk that I do._  
*Nearly.  
_*I still cannot explain what it is, but I feel a bond.  I’ve only had feelings like this with my own children before._  
 _*I cannot help but want to protect them._  
 _*When I told them they could not stay forever, they seemed so sad.  They asked why I didn’t want them to stay._  
 _*I think they were possibly expecting that I would?  It is hard to tell.  But it’s amazing to see how well they fit in here!_

You go on youtube and search _“put that thing back where it came from or so help me,”_ find the musical, copy-paste the link into your messages, and delete it before you hit send.

It’s frustrating, seeing as you and Toriel have usually gotten along just fine talking in memes.  But this is just weird for a reasonable person like Toriel.  Taking in a strange kid she doesn’t even know, and believing their entire story?  Falling for them this fast?  It’s been less than a day.

 

_*look tori im just saying, for the kids sake, you should probably do a bit more investigating  
*and for your sake too, if the kid does have parents, you might get arrested for kidnapping_

_*If the child possibly did run away from home, then I wouldn’t send them back to such a family.  If the story they tell is the truth, I don’t trust the system.  
*Maybe it’s this unshakable feeling that’s made me unreasonable._

_*hey if your logic is telling you that then it probably is_  
_*everyone always says go with your gut. but sometimes your gut is unreliable_  
 _*theres this kid i know myself that gives me the feeling theyll go on a murder rampage but will they? probably not i dont have any evidence_  
 _*so when your guts acting screwy the only thing you can trust is logic_  
 _*before your gut fully takes over and you start confusing the two_

_*I have to go.  Frisk is looking for me._

 

Nuts, you were proud of that spiel.  It was very sound.  You think you’ll use your own advice later if you find your emotions struggling with your logic.  Especially where mysterious children are concerned.

She doesn’t acknowledge it later, and you stop trying.  She tells you that Frisk has some fascinating stories.  They like to befriend everyone they meet.  This sounds very different from your mysterious kid, even though...

Stripey didn’t seem so bent on murdering everyone last time you met them.  You wonder where they are.  You wonder if they’re at Toriel’s house right now.  But what would you tell her?  That you know a kid who’s a supernatural deity with the power to destroy everything you love over and over again?  She wouldn’t believe you.   _You_ wouldn’t believe you.

☠☠☠

_*Look at what Frisk and I made! :)_

 

There’s a picture attached.  It’s a buttspie, apparently Frisk requested it.

 

_*no youre baking pies with them youre getting attached  
*cmon dont make it any harder for yourself to say goodbye_

_*You know what I think?  
*Someone’s a little jealous. ;)_

_*oh you did not just go there_   
_*man that hit like a gunshot_   
_*you got me there_

_*Don’t worry, there’s plenty of room left in my heart for you! :)_

_*:)?_

_*:) :) :)_

_*do you like taking in strays_

_*Like animals??  I don’t like what you’re implying. ] >:/_

_*hows frisk feel about leaving?  are they cool with this arrangement_

_*They’re reluctant, but I think they will be alright.  I’ll see to it._  
*But even once they find a home, it won’t be goodbye forever!  I told Frisk that I would visit someday, wherever they wind up.  
*Hopefully it will be close to Snowdin. :)

 

It’s like she’s fallen in love all over again.  You don’t remember her being this happy when she got with you.  Yeah, you probably are jealous.  Welp, if that’s it, no reason to stop Tori from having a good time with her new pet child.

Wow, you really are a terrible person.  You keep shocking yourself with your piss-poor attitude.  Doesn’t this make you worse than Undyne, trying to break you up with someone you care about?  Yeah, maybe you should give the kid the benefit of the doubt and trust Toriel.

Having Frisk around has definitely done wonders on her mood...  She puts either hearts or smiley faces at the ends of all her sentences.  She sends you kissing emojis.  You’re no good at being that genuine.  You can only express such affection ironically.  Memes in comic sans, the font you’re convinced you were named after.  You find a jar of tomato sauce, scribble out the word “sauce,” and scribble, “i love you from my head TOMATOes,” and hope Papyrus finds it next time he makes spaghetti.  Two birds in one stone.  Toriel replies with a picture of an olive, followed by the word “you.”

_Olive you_

How adorable...

You wonder how she’ll feel when Frisk has to go.  She’ll be even lonelier than before.  Maybe you’ll take a couple days off and visit her.  Or maybe she’ll just have to come back.

☠☠☠

_*Frisk keeps calling me “Mom.”  It makes me a little sad._

☠☠☠

_*Frisk tells me they’re searching for their friend.  I don’t think he’s here._

☠☠☠

_*I cannot believe it has been two weeks since Frisk arrived!  Time sure does fly!  :)_

☠☠☠

_*Frisk asked why I don’t leave the Ruins.  I didn’t know what to tell them.  I said that for now, my place is here._

☠☠☠

_*Frisk seems a bit reclusive today.  They’re out playing in the gardens by themself.  I think they like the yellow flowers best.  I warned them to never eat a strange plant.  They promised they wouldn’t._

☠☠☠

_*I’m looking into adoption now.  I don’t see why it couldn’t work.  Frisk doesn’t have a home elsewhere, I could very well take them with me to Snowdin.  No one is certain yet, but does this not seem like the best option?_

☠☠☠

_*I’ve decided.  I am going to try to adopt Frisk.  Sans, if this all works out, I am going to have a child again.  I will not have to settle for second best after all!  I can have both my dreams.  While Frisk is in school, I can take my classes.  I can be both a mother and a teacher.  
*And thanks to you, I know I already have a home in Snowdin.  I am so happy.  There isn’t an emoticon that exists to express my feelings.  I cannot believe my fortune has come back to me!_

☠☠☠

_*Frisk is missing._

 

You ask her throughout the day if she’s found them yet.  She answers every couple hours to say no one knows where they went.  They went off to play outside, and when she wasn’t looking, they vanished.  She only looked away for a moment, she swears, she’s been keeping a very careful watch.  If she wasn’t watching, the others were.  You tell her they’ll come back when they get hungry.

Long past dinner time, Frisk is still missing.  Toriel opened the window to let the smell of a home-cooked roast waft through the air to them.  The others took a break from their search to eat it.

You tell Toriel that now might be a good time to call the police.  And maybe, neglect to mention how long Frisk has been here in case she gets in trouble.

 

_*I do not care.  I just want Frisk home safe._

_*do you know why they left?  might give you a clue if anythings missing_

_*No.  Nothing has been broken into or stolen._

 

It’s too fishy, as fishy and impossible as your dimension-hopping friend.  Could it be that they’re missing because they’ve just... left this realm altogether?  You’re a rational guy, but you wouldn’t put it past anyone who knows your secret codeword.

Since Frisk appeared in the Ruins, your own kid hasn’t shown up at all.  They’ve got a lot in common.  Meaning they’re both suspicious weirdos with no clear ill intent.

Toriel doesn’t sleep that night.  In the morning, Frisk still hasn’t been found.  By the afternoon, there’s a lead.  A bandage.  It’s not far from the house.  Everyone searches again in all the nooks and crannies.  Toriel checks the fridge to see if they’ve eaten.  Again, it’s exactly as she left it.

For all she knows, the bandage could have come off on their way to the Ruins.

 

_*It isn’t rational to think Frisk is dead_

_*yeah.  thered be a body to find_

_*Exactly...  But it’s less rational to think they’re perfectly alright.  
*I don’t know what else to do.  There isn’t anywhere else to look._

_*maybe they went back to snowdin  
*they came all the way to the ruins on their own didnt they_

_*It would take more than a day of travel by foot to reach Snowdin!  I don’t know how they made it here, but to make it all the way back...  
*It doesn’t add up.  I cannot figure out why they would run away.  They were happy here._

 

You’ll keep an eye out in Snowdin anyway, you tell her.  You’ll put all your friends on the case.  You’ll tell all your friends everywhere.  You tell Papyrus, he promises the kid is as good as found.  You tell everyone at the diner.

“Uhh, who’re we lookin’ for?” asks Ugly.

“A kid, uhh...  Hang on, I’ll come back later with a physical description.”

“A picture might be helpful,” Red suggests, very reasonably, and you ask Toriel if she has a picture to give you.  She doesn’t answer.  She’s gone most of the day, only updating you every few hours to let you know that the situation just gets more and more hopeless.

It rains later.  Roads close and windows get boarded up.  Instead of missing persons, the news is filled with flash flood warnings.  If Frisk is stuck outside in this, they’d have to be as strong as you think they are to survive.

There isn’t much you can do.  Next day, there’s still nothing.  After that, there’s a ribbon.  It doesn’t belong to the owners or visitors, but the chance that it belonged to Frisk is still slim.  The Ruins gets visitors every year.  It could have blown away from somewhere.  Frisk has been missing for four days.  You and Papyrus watch the news for any hints.  You don’t know what you’re expecting to find, but he agrees with you, the most likely possibility is that they’ve disappeared off the face of the earth.

You tell her it’ll be okay.  You don’t believe it, but it doesn’t matter at this point.  Toriel’s barely slept.  Her messages get more and more frantic, and more and more spread apart.

A whole day passes, and she doesn’t text you at all.

You can’t sleep either.  You’re not there to hold her hand.  You’re not there to do anything, you’re here, and she’s helpless.  It might be helpful to sleep, if you dreamed about the kid in the striped shirt, they might give you some vague, otherworldly hint.  When you finally do pass out for a few minutes at the hotdog stand, you don’t meet them at all.  All you recall from your dream is Toriel’s voice.  You heard her laughing at some stupid joke you told her, but you didn’t see her face.  You couldn’t see it.  You never would.

Papyrus notices that you’re a walking zombie and tells you to be in bed by midnight.  You do it for his sake, and once you drop onto your mattress, you’re ready to sleep forever.  You’re worried about the kid too, but you’ve reached the point of panic where you feel oddly calm and at peace with the world.  

You drop off into a dead sleep.

☠☠☠

_“Mmm watcha saaay~~”_

You open up your eyes.  You groan, roll over, and reach for your phone.  The brightness blinds you for about two seconds, then you notice that you’ve missed three calls from Toriel.

You slide the green button before your ironic ringtone finishes.  “Hey,” you mutter sleepily.  “What’s the newest news on our frisky kid.”

“There is nothing,” Toriel’s voice chokes back.  “No new leads, no new—”  Her words break, and all you hear is sobbing.

“They’ll find ‘em,” you tell her.  “If there’s nothing to find, means they’re still on the move.  They’ll turn up eventually.”

“No,” she cries.  “This long without food, without shelter...  In the middle of a storm!  The wilderness, it’s...  It’s no place for a child to be!”

“They woulda turned up if they were—”

“They could be buried under the wreckage.”

“I wouldn’t underestimate this kid.”

“Frisk is dead.”

“They...”  Your insides turn cold.  “They found ‘em...?”

 _“No,_ I told you.”

“Then... then how do you know?”

“Because...  Because it is impossible for a child to survive like this!  I— I think Frisk fell down somewhere.  Into some hidden hole or ditch, maybe some forgotten well, and that’s why they have disappeared.  I can’t— I don’t know what I will do when— when they find the body—”

“A well?  Didya try calling for them?”

“You don’t understand!” Toriel shouts.  Her breath hitches.  “They— they cannot speak, I have been translating for them throughout their stay.  They cannot call out—”

“I know the kid,” you interrupt.  “Were they wearing a striped shirt?”

“Yes, but...  What does it matter?  They aren’t—”

“No, trust me on this.   _Nothing_ can kill that kid.”  

“What makes you say that?”

You would know.  You’ve killed them over and over and watched them come back every time.  In another life.  But you can’t tell Toriel that, can you?  “I... yknow how sometimes, that kid gives you weird feelings?  I’ve gotten that too, where Frisk is concerned.  I mean, I only really met them once, but—”

“Oh god—”

“Look, as soon as you started talking about intuition and weird gut feelings, I had a feeling I knew who Frisk was.  Your kid’s as good as saved.  Don’t know how long it’ll take, but I’ll see ‘em again.”

“They must have been so scared, trapped alone in the dark, I bet they were injured—”

“D’you—  Do you hear what I’m saying...?”

“They either starved to death or got terribly ill, all because—”

“Tori, I promise—”

“It’s all my fault—”

“They’re not dead.”

“I’m such a fool, such a complete fool, I only wanted to protect them and... and I only endangered them....  If only I h-had reported them right away, this would never have happened—”

“Look, I don’t know why they’d run away, but—”

“They would not have run away!  Frisk was happy!  The only— This is— the only explanation that makes sense...  I can only imagine how badly they wanted to call out to me—”  She heaves a panicked breath.  She can barely talk.  “I as good as killed them.”

“What’s it with you and accusing people of killing kids?”

“So you know,” Toriel says, and chuckles humorlessly.  “Well, I did not keep to myself, did I?  I shouted it for the entire world to hear.  That was baseless, though...  No, one careless error is nothing to how selfish I am.”  She laughs again.  That sounds is somehow worse than her crying.  “I should have known that it was never meant to be.  I was never meant to be a mother, I cannot keep even a single child alive.  Again, it was my own neglect, which I fooled myself into believing was selflessness...”

“Are you... calling the miscarriages neglect?”

“Chara,” she says.  “I did not tell you how they died, did I?”

“You said... it was an illness.”

“It was suicide.”

No... you didn’t hear that part.  You grin the phone so tight that your knuckles start to lose feeling.  You let her continue.  “They poisoned themself, with plants that we warned them to stay away from.  Years... years ago, they tried baking them into pastries, and they made their father very ill.  He warned them... we all warned them to never go near those flowers again.  But...  I should have known...”

“Known what.”  Your voice comes out hollow and cold.

“That Chara would try something like this.  They were... terribly disturbed.  They used to harm themself.  I knew this before I adopted them.  I knew how terrible their life was, and how... how much of a _danger_ they were to themself...  I thought I could take care of them, and fix their problems with love.  I thought they were happy...  They stopped cutting and scratching at their skin.  They—  It was really Asriel, to be quite honest.”  She laughs again.  “Those two... they were like two peas in a pod.  Asriel knew nothing of their inner torment.  He was the friend they always needed.  I have never seen any two people bond as quickly as they did.  They... those two loved each other so much.  Chara... they brought us hope.  I wanted to give them another sibling.  They gave me the hope to try again.  It was one of my many foolish mistakes...”

To you, it doesn’t sound foolish at all.  Wanting another kid, it’s not selfish, it’s not foolish, but you know how reason doesn’t reach a person when they’re upset.  So you keep quiet.  “Chara was too happy,” Toriel continues.  “They were convinced that it would all end.  And the only way to protect themself from more grief was to die before things took a turn for the worse again.  But... they wanted to take Asriel with them.  Haha, for a child like Chara, I suppose that was true love...”

She pauses.  Is she waiting for you to say something?  You can’t.  So she goes on.  “I didn’t know their plan.  Chara came home in terrible pain.  I thought it was just a normal fever.  No one knew it was poison until late in the night, when Asriel came into my room crying and told me everything.  Chara had gotten worse.  We rushed them to the hospital, but...  You can finish this story for yourself, can you not?  It was too late to save them.  They suffered before they died.  If we had recognized the signs, we might have realized.  And Asriel... he chickened out of their double suicide plan.  Asriel was haunted.  I knew then that he’d never be the same, but I thought he’d...  I did not think he wouldn’t live to recover—”

She breaks the monotone and starts crying again.  “My body couldn’t take the stress.  I lost so much blood...  And then...  It all happened in a blur—  And in such quick succession.  They were gone, both of them, my entire world...  Are you... are you still there...?”

“Yep,” you say emptily.

“Well, I’m sorry it’s such a long and awful story.  I did not wake you up, did I?”

“No,” you lie.

“Good to know you are a fellow insomniac...  You know why I am awake at odd hours of the night?  Why I cannot sleep when it is dark out?  It’s because I hear their voices, Sans.  I hear those two, nearly every night, crying and calling for me.  I wish I had understood them when they were alive.  I never really knew them at all... I never knew what was going on through Chara’s head.  It doesn’t matter that I couldn’t have, I _should_ have, if a mother can lift a car to save a baby, then... then surely one should be able to keep her own children alive for more than ten years.”

Your head hurts.  You remember the first time you heard her cry, it was when she found out about your calendar.  No wonder.  No wonder she was so scared.  You’re sorry, really sorry you told her.  She didn’t have to know.  “You can’t just put all the blame on yourself.  There were... lots of other people around, weren’t there?  Namely, uh...”   _Your husband?_  “Asgore?”

Toriel laughs suddenly, the meanest, derisive laugh you’ve ever heard from a person.  “Asgore?  Ha!  Cursing him out is my constant reminder that there is one person in the world more foolish and weak than me!”

This is how Alphys must have felt when you laughed at the old man’s death, you think.  “Yeah.  It’s all his fault, remember?”

“No,” she says.  “I suppose my reputation will follow me no matter how I try to hide...  No one remembers me as the brains behind all of Asgore’s _good_ decisions, the neighbors only remember the crazy woman screaming at her husband, mad from grief and hormones.  Haha...  What must you think of me now?”

“It’s, heh, actually why I got in that, uh, disagreement with Undies.  She told me about that and I told her I didn’t care, and threw in a few unnecessary jabs at _her_ girlfriend while I was at it.”

“I do not blame her,” Toriel replies.  “It was her right to warn you.”

“She said she was worried I’d become your next Asgore.”

“As if.  You are not nearly as cowardly.”

“Ha, heheh, you sure about that?  Don’t— Don’t compare me to him.”

“He never knew what he was doing.  At first, well, I will admit.  I found it rather endearing.  The way he would ask my opinion before he went through with anything.  From making a law to changing a diaper...  I would not have minded if he thought for himself for a change.  But he decided that the best time to become independent was...”  She pauses.  “You can imagine, can’t you?  You’re an amazing guesser.”

“Sorry, I got no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I do not blame him,” she sighs.  “Not for Asriel.  Not anymore.  He had lost his child...  Naturally he wouldn’t want to lose another family member to extreme blood loss.  Just like me, he was not in his right mind.  He should have stayed with his son, but how can I blame him?  What I did with Frisk is so much more... _stupid.”_

“So when you say it’s all Fluff— Asgore’s fault—”

“A mistake is forgivable.  Several deliberate and harmful actions are not.  He...  Asgore felt responsible.  Perhaps it was my fault for telling him he was.  So, the _idiot_ felt like he had to take action.  Did you...  Oh, you don’t know what happened to Asriel, if you thought my story was gruesome it only gets worse—”

“He wandered into a bad crowd and got... yeah, I heard it.”

“Good, ha, I am glad to be spared having to recount the details.  Well then, the gang that he ran into were mostly minors.  And unfortunately, they all happened to be colored.  You can only imagine what happens next.”

“Enlighten me.  What did Fluffybuns do.”

Toriel laughs again.  She takes a deep, shuddering breath.  “A few things...  He used his power to sway judges.  He did his best to get any colored person who was accused of suspicious behavior arrested.  And...  He favored laws that...”  She trails off.  “I’m just... still shocked he thought he was making the right choices.”

“Never thought of Fluffybuns as a racist...”

“Oh, perhaps he wasn’t, it could be that he was only self-projecting at the time.  Making excuses for himself to justify that he _wasn’t_ prejudiced, and that I was merely not worth listening to anymore.  Oh, sure I was screaming and perhaps did a few things that could be characterized as abusive, but...  The worst part is that he never outwardly opposed me.  Instead of arguing, he would stay silent.  That was why I screamed, I couldn’t take that.  And I could not take the way he suddenly treated me like I, that _he_ knew best and my opinion did not even matter anymore.  I...  I ran away because...  I _saw_ what a monster I was becoming.  It had less to do with not being able to stand Asgore and more... not being able to live with myself.  I...  Oh gosh, how could someone like you forgive an abuser?  I threw a vase at him, so of course, he hid in the bathroom and refused to come out.  I left that night.  He was bad, but I was so, _so_ much worse.  He was stupid, but I was cruel.  I wouldn’t blame Undyne Peixes-Serket one moment for warning you about me.”

“Yknow,” you cut in, “there’s something my brother’s always said that I thought was bullshit, his life philosophy is that anyone can be a good person if they try.  And, yknow what, I think he’s right.  You’d never done anything like that before, and you’d never do anything like that again, would you?”

“I... how c-could I know—”

“I’ve seen what a monster looks like.  Looks like someone who doesn’t know the meaning of remorse.  Something you did after an event like _that,_ I don’t think I coulda blamed you if you took a gun to the guy’s head.  You left to save him ‘s well as yourself, it sounds.”

“I don’t know—”

“I don’t think any less of you.”

“Ha, that is very good of you.  You’ve heard what I’m like at my lowest and still—”

“When old Gaster died, I laughed.  Then I left my friend to clean up the mess.  I’m a pretty shitty person at my worst.  I got no right to judge.”

 _“No!_  You’re wonderful, and you don’t deserve— you do not deserve this—”

“See, you don’t judge me at my shittiest, why should I judge you?  You’ve made some mistakes, that just makes ya human.  Kind of a relief because, when I first heard your voice, I thought you were an angel.”

“I am _far_ from that.  Haha, I really come across that way?  Angelic?  That is good news.  It’s because I am so freakishly pale, I come off as something otherworldly.  I am less like an angel than the grim reaper.  I do want so badly to be good, I thought I was a nurturer, but what kind of nurturer leaves destruction in her wake everywhere she goes?  When I love someone, they die.”

“You’ve got friends, Tori.  Lots of... lots of people like you, some may be even growing to love you.  And, _I’m_ not dead yet—”

 _“Any moment_ you could relapse.  And then what?  Now you understand,” she says shakily, “why I would never take any mention of suicide lightly.  I’m... I know that even with my paranoia and desperation to fix my mistakes, I still have misunderstood.  I c-can’t...  With you, I—”

“What.”

“I can’t remember one time I ever did the right thing—  I was so afraid of losing you, I...  I wanted to give you something to live for.  That was, to be honest, at the very top of my list of priorities when I first made plans to leave the Ruins.  It was all selfishness, I just wanted you to live.”

“That’s... not what selfish means, Tori.”

“As if I could do right...  After you broke your leg, I could not help you.  I tried.  I— I kept trying, but every— every time, it was like...”

“You, uh, never did anything that bad.”  You remember her revulsion when she saw you snap the rubber bands.  “You helped a lot, you didn’t know that?  Lots got lost in translation sometimes but, heh, it’s not like anything we couldn’t just talk out, seriously, you’re grasping at straws at this point looking for things to blame yourself for.  If you blame yourself for, somehow hurting me, that’s just gonna make me feel bad.”

“I have to hurt you, and I’m very sorry for that...”

“Don’t break my delicate heart, Tori.”

“This makes nine,” she says in an even voice.  “Six miscarriages, my son, Chara, and Frisk.  If I continue like this any longer, we’ll reach a very perfect even number... I cannot let that happen.”

“Please, don’t do anything drastic.”

“If by drastic, you mean returning to my old life...  You have nothing to worry about.  In a couple days, the owners of the Ruins will go home.  I will stay here.  I was fine before.  A little bored, but I was mostly at peace.  And Sans...  This is not easy.”

“If you’re gonna make any big decisions, maybe it’d be better to wait.”

“Heheh...  Yes, decision-making clearly is not my strong suit, is it?  I think it is time that I stopped trying.”  She laughs a bit more.  She sniffs.  You wait helplessly.  “I cannot...  It is almost too hard, I am too afraid...  I cannot keep doing this.”

“You don’t have to come back to Snowdin,” you say.  “Or... you can keep waiting.”

“No, it’s more than that.  I cannot....”  She takes a deep breath.  “I cannot keep up with this correspondence.  When things go right in my life, it gives me too much hope.  I start thinking I can start over.  I need to quit...”

“Wait.  You mean... you wanna say goodbye?”

“I have to.”

“Uh, that’s, in my opinion, _really_ not a good idea.”

“You will get over me.  You’ve proven your resilience again and again.  But I cannot keep trying to move forward, or I will only trip over my own feet and hurt other people.  It may seem unlikely, but given my luck, I wouldn’t...  If I lost you next, I do not think I would be able to live anymore.”

“You’re not gonna lose me.”

“I do not know _what_ could happen... I could fail worse with you than I did with Chara.”

“I got lots more people in my life looking out for me than... than just my own sibling, I’m not—”

“Please do not take offense, I do not think you are weak, I just think that the universe never rules in my favor.  I don’t want to think...”

“I can give you a while.  I can give you as long as you need.  But, you might regret ex-communicating.  I... I wanna be there when you need.”

“I knew this would not be easy.  I—” She sobs one more time.  “When I hang up, do not call me, or I will block your number.  I’d rather do this now than wait for the next disaster.  Please, just do not make this more difficult for me than it already is.”

“I’m not tryna... I’m just scared you’re saying goodbye so that you’ll be able to like...  I mean, that sounds like the kinda thing I woulda tried to do once.  Make a quick getaway so I could go and kill myself.”

“Oh, do not worry, suicide is not an option for me.  Someone...”  She cries.  She laughs.  “Someone has to stay and take care of the flowers.”

“Tori—”

“Goodbye, Sans,” Toriel says.  “Take care of yourself.  If I keep talking, I will never want to hang up.  So... I mean it.  Don’t try to contact me.  Do not try to have your brother contact me either.  I am only taking calls from the owners of the Ruins and the police now.  Perhaps we will cross paths again someday.  Knowing us, it seems unavoidable, doesn’t it?”

“Nothing I can say is gonna convince you, is it.”

“For your own sake...”

 _Then you’ll keep her on all night until you change her mind._  “Will you say goodbye?”

“I’m not saying goodbye.  Just hang on.”

“Then I cannot wait for you.  I cannot wait a moment longer.  Good— Farewell, Sans.”

_Click._

The line goes dead.  

That’s it.  That was it.  You’ve felt this way before, this drop in your stomach, when you slipped on ice and realized you were probably about to break every bone in your body.  You put down the phone.  You curl up.  You don’t know what to do with yourself.  Something to rid yourself of this dread.  You shakily reach for the rubber band around your wrist.  You can’t get a good grip on it.  It’s too early.  Too early to do anything.

Silence rings throughout your room.  It’s deafening.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEFORE YOU STOP READING DONT WORRY TORIEL'S GONNA COME BACK IT'S GONNA BE HAPPY AGAIN IT'S OKAY IF YOU NEED A HUG UHHH, ASK SOMEONE IN YOUR AREA PLEASE.
> 
> also SPOILER no frisk aint dead. is it weird to suddenly insert paranormal elements into FB? ive been angsting about that myself since I got like halfway through the chapter but ive kinda been foreshadowing this the whole time... Frisky's got all the memories because Frisk always does. Sans and Flowey's memories get completely erased after a pacifist ending, so they wouldn't remember a thing about pacifist!Frisk. That is if Flowey was in this fic which he isn't.
> 
> Sans's rant about Frisk causing the difference in story is basically saying, "You're the main character."
> 
> Will things start making sense soon? GOD I HOPE SO. stay alive guys, stay healthy.


	26. Alphys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is changing in Sans's life, and now that Toriel is out of it, new changes become harder than ever to cope with. But when he hears shocking news about Alphys, he realizes it's about time he got back in touch with his old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the one, folks.

_Beware of the man who speaks in hands._

Did you take River’s warning the wrong way?  Were they talking about Frisk all those months ago?  No, that still doesn’t make sense, Frisk’s not a man, they’re a kid, but...  You don’t know too many other people who speak in hands.

Not too many others you’d have to beware of.

☠☠☠

“SAAAANS!  WAKE UP, YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE!”

 _When....  When did you get this comfortable, and why can’t he shut up..._  Your whole world lurches as you feel yourself being grabbed and lightly shook.  “WAKE.  UP!!”

“Nnnnnngh...”

“What are you doing on the floor?!  You’re—”  You blink your eyes open.  Long enough to groan that you want to go back to sleep.  “Are you... okay?  You look sick.”

It’s probably your eyes.  You can barely open them.  Are you sick?  You feel hot.  Your head hurts, and your arms sting.  Papyrus looks worried.  You should have just woken him up.  He wouldn’t have minded, he would have been glad to keep you company.  It would have given you something to do instead of sitting alone in the darkness, barely able to move.  Hyperfocusing on the rubber bands, trying to get them to snap in the exact same place.  Overusing your method.  Not even because you wanted to hurt anymore, but you didn’t know what else to do with yourself, and like hell you’d be able to fall asleep...

But somehow you did.  Maybe an hour ago.  Maybe longer than that.  You sit up and give Papyrus the news.  He’s worried about Frisk, more worried than he is about Toriel.  He and Undyne should have looked more into their life, he says.  If they had only known, Frisk might be safe now.

“That’s right,” you say.  “That kid... they showed up at the center sometimes, didn’t they?  So you knew ‘em.”

“Not too well, but they were friends with...  Well, everyone.  Especially Monster Kid!  Maybe _they_ know something—”

“Won’t matter now.  My number might already be blocked in Tori’s phone now.”

“For _Frisk’s_ sake, we have to find out where they went!  If there’s the slimmest chance they’re alive, they’re no doubt lost, hungry, and probably ill!  The sooner we can rescue them... may be the _only_ time we can rescue them.”

“I _know_ they’re alive.  Don’t know _how_ I know, but I’m pretty sure they couldn’t stay dead if you hacked ‘em in half with a chainsaw.  They’ve survived all sorts of things.”

“Like _what?”_

 _Like me._  It’s obvious now, he doesn’t have a clue what you’re talking about.  You’d see it in his expression if he was holding anything back.  “Frankly, I’m a lot more worried about Toriel.  I don’t know how guaranteed her safety is.”

“But, Toriel’s a grown woman,” Papyrus says reasonably.  “And Frisk is a small child, so, I’m well, worried about Toriel too, but...”

“Hey, I wanna find that kid, too.  We were supposed to meet up and have a heart-to-heart and they blew me off.  But...”  You pause.  Papyrus may know a thing.  “Everyone’s got... these weird premonitions about Frisk.  Toriel never met them before and she felt like she already knew them.  So do lots of people apparently.  Do you... also get that feeling?  Kind of a bad feeling?”

“No.”  Papyrus frowns as though appalled at the notion.  “Frisk’s always been extremely friendly!  When _I_ first met them I thought they seemed like a trustworthy person.”

“Was it because... you _knew_ already?  Like, this is gonna sound weird.  Almost like, you remember something from a past that didn’t exist.”

“Um, no?  Hmm, this sounds like one of those stories you used to like.  Have you been getting back into science fiction?”

The prospect of you getting back into one of your old interests seems to make him happy.  You tell him no, and he says oh well, the library’s practically next door if you’re ever bored.  But you’re getting off topic; Frisk, he says, what are these premonitions you speak of?  You can’t explain it to him.  You don’t know how to.  Your mouth goes dry just thinking about all the times you watched him die in your dreams.

Then again, he had a feeling.  Like Toriel, who didn’t share your memories either.  And, like Toriel, he remembers Frisk as a good person.  That must say a lot about them as people, maybe you remember the bad because you just expect that out of people.  And Papyrus never fought, he died with his arms open as though expecting a friendly embrace...  Knowing Toriel, you wouldn’t put it past her to die the same way.  Who would believe you if you told them Frisk was capable of anything?

In a quick vision like a flashback, you see, literally, a backwards flash.  And the kid blocking it with a spear.  “What about Undyne,” you muse out loud.  She’s always stood up to them, in every version of events.  “I don’t think I can just ask her out of the blue... can you do it?  Say, heyyy my objectively better BFF, do you happen to get weird premonitions about a certain frisky kid in a striped shirt?”

“I seriously doubt your intuition,” Papyrus says skeptically.  “I don’t think premonitions are going to help us find Frisk.”

“Ok, how do you even plan on getting in touch with Toriel if you do find the kid?”

“All that matters is that Frisk is safe!”

“Ok,” you say again.  You stand up.  “This is pointless.  I’m going to work.”

“Al...right?”

“Look, I hope the kid’s okay, but you don’t... you don’t _get_ how dangerous an idle mind is when you’re depressed.  It makes you into your own worst enemy.  If Frisk’s got the determination to live, they’ll find a way, but once you’ve lost that, doesn’t matter how safe you are.”  You could’ve just said ‘will,’ but determination seemed like the more fitting word here.  “So... I know most normal people’d be more worried about a little kid, but, sorry my priorities may seem off to normal people?”

“But... Toriel’s lived through worse than this.”

“Yeah and guess what.  It doesn’t get easier.  That’s not how it works.”

“Okay!” he yells.  “I just... It’s a lot to take in, alright?  I just...  Finding Frisk seems like the best thing to do, doesn’t it?  For everyone!”

“So you think they’re still alive?” you ask.

“If you have faith in them, I do, too.”

Faith.  That’s a funny way to put it.  You brood on that for a while as you sell hotdogs, playing and replaying the conversation from last night in your head.  You barely said anything.  You think of all the things you could have said while you kept silent and listened.  Would anything have helped?  You can’t know, you have no way of knowing...  Faith’s too hopeful of a work.  You’re not faithful, you’re certain.  Or is that just semantics?  You’re getting ahead of yourself.  Who cares what the word is, Toriel could be gone by now for all you know...

Why would you expect Papyrus to understand?  And why are you so mad at him?  It’s probably what Undyne said, about thinking too highly of him, expecting too much, more than your casual friends.  Yeah, that’s what you need, the company of people you haven’t put on a pedestal.

Once the hotdog stand is closed, you go to Grillby’s for some peace of mind.  As soon as you breathe in that greasy stench, you feel at home.  There’s that natural streak of red on top of Grillby’s head, and the unnatural Disney’s Little Mermaid red in front of him on a raised stool.  Your two favorite redheads.  And there’s the mess of Drunk Bunny’s hair spread frizzily all over her table.  “Hey guys,” you greet.

Bunny lifts her head.  She looks you square in the eye, a heavily smudged pair of eyes, and scowls.  “Who the hell’re you.”

“Very funny, Buns.”

“Ugh... must’ve been drunk...”

“Drunk...?  You’re... always drunk.  Wait.”  She blinks.  She seems like she wants to do nothing more than put her head back down on the table.  “That focused expression... those unshifty eyes... You’re not sober, are you?”

“God, I wish to fucking _god_ I wasn’t.”

“Cmon Buns,” Red says, “one drink’s not gonna kill you.”  Bigmouth nudges Bunny with a bottle of beer.  Bunny bats it away.

“Cmon, Buns.  It’s your good pal, Sansy.”  You slide across from her, smiling brightly.

“Keh, I’d remember a mug like yours.  Ya look like puke.”

“Really, Bunsy~?”

“She’s not herself when she’s sober,” Ugly groans.  “She’s been like this all day.  She won’t drink.”

“I’ll never drink again,” Bunny mumbles, dropping her head into her arms.  “Stupid sisters forced me to go to a stupid twelve step program to get me to stop drinkin’ away my stupid problems....  Ya know, I got _two_ problems and their names are _my freakin’ sisters.”_

“Your sisters can’t tell you how to live your life!” Bigmouth shouts, pushing the beer closer.

“Yeah well, maybe I _wanna_ stop livin’ in a haze of booze and vomit!  I’m one in seven in my family, forget my ninety-eight cousins, I’m the family disappointment.  And I got one cousin who lives here who walks her little brother around on a leash,” she adds, “and _I’m_ the weirdo.”

“Welp,” you sigh, “guess it’s a downer all around, isn’t it.”

“Pfff, yeah,” Bigmouth agrees, popping open the beer bottle.  “I agree.”

“I don’t,” says Ugly.  You turn around.  He’s sitting in his usual spot on the stool next to Red’s, but they’re... holding hands.

“The heck happened here?” you ask.

“Eh, not much,” says Red.  She smiles knowingly at Ugly.

“So.  You guys—”

“They’re a thing now,” Bigmouth says.  “If you hung out here as often as you used to you’d notice developments like this happening.”

“What can I say, life’s been a rollercoaster.”  

“I lied!” Ugly announces.  “I told Toriel I thought she was my first pick!  I just wanted to make Red jealous!”

“It was fun to watch,” says Red.

“But don’t get offended Sansy, you’d be my third pick.”

“I’ve downgraded to third?” you say.  “Guess it really has been too long.  It’s okay Ugly, your passion’ll return.”

Red chuckles.  “The way we sit like this every day, sometimes I forgot we weren’t actually dating.  So a few days ago I asked him out, he said sure, and so far it’s been pretty chill.”

“I regret making the first suggestion to pair up,” Bigmouth interjects.  “That was me, right?”

“Hey, we like each other, why not.”  Red shifts over on her stool, perching precariously on the end of it, leaning on Ugly’s arm.  “Not like we’ll stop being friends.  That’s what’s nice about this place.  We all wind up back here no matter what happens.  We’re like... a family you can trust, even if we got problems sometimes, we’ve always got this place to go back to.”

Ugly moves over and puts his arm around her.  “Welp,” you say, “glad you two are happy.  Anything else I should know about?  What’s uh, going on in everyone’s lives?”

“The world’s going to shit,” Bunny says.

“I agree!” Hamster agrees, suddenly emerging from the bathroom, not wearing his shades.

“Where’d the shades go,” you ask.

“I lost them,” says Punk Hamster, not looking so punk with his eyes showing.

“What about you, Sans?” Bigmouth asks.  “It’s not like we know too much about you.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah,” Red adds, “how’re _you_ doing?”

“What’s your life like?” asks Ugly.

“Anything else I’m missing?” you ask.

“Eh, not much really,” Hamster says, taking a seat.  “What about you?”

“Well.”  They’re all looking at you.  Have they asked before?  How you’re doing?  You’ve felt guilty before for not asking them, but have any of you ever made the effort to get to know each other at all?  Red and Ugly definitely have, but your whole gang...

They’re not all here, Doggo, Dogamy, and Dogaressa are absent, but...  “Welp.  While we’re all here, why not.  I got chronic depression,” you shrug.  You smile.  Hey, these guys are your friends, right?  “Can’t tell if that’s... the most surprising news yet or if that’s not a shocker at all.”

“Nah, I don’t believe it,” Ugly says.  “Ha ha.  Don’t joke about depression, dude.  It’s serious.”

“Nah, it’s a complete joke.  Been dealing with it long as I can remember.  Depression ‘n me are good friends at this point.”

“That _is_ the most surprising news,” says Red.  “You sure it’s depression?  You’re not just... in a bad mood?”

“Yep.”

“I don’t buy it,” says Bigmouth.  “You never stop smiling.”

“That’s ‘cause it’s a joke,” you say with a wink.  “You gotta laugh at yourself to survive.  It’s... trust me guys.  I’m actually not joking this time.”

“But...”  Bunny picks up her head and gazes at you.  She says softly, “But, you’re the life of the party, Sansy.”

“Heh...”

“See,” Red cuts in, “that’s what’s cool about us.  We can find out anything about each other, like, Bigmouth just ate a man alive or Sans is depressed, and we’re just all, like, completely cool with it.”

“Did you eat a man alive,” you ask Bigmouth.

“No,” he says.  “But if I were anyone other than you or me, I’d believe that quicker than _your_ confession.”

“Yeah, see?” Red adds.  “If someone came in with a body, we’d help bury it without even asking questions.  We’re that type of crowd.  Or...”  She winks.  “We’d ask Bigmouth to eat it.”

Bigmouth nods seriously.  Ugly smiles sappily at Red.  She smiles back.  Hamster rubs his eyes.  “We’re all one happy, colorful, non-judgemental family,” Red finishes.  “And Grillbz here is our disapproving uncle.  Wadaya say Grillbz, we don’t wanna leave you out.”

Grillby blushes.  “I don’t disapprove at all,” he says.

That’s gotta be the most heartwarming this you’ve ever heard.  It feels good to come out to your friends.  Oh yeah, you forgot.  "Oh and I'm asexual," you add.

"You're what," says Ugly.

"GOD.  FUCKING.  DAMMIT!"  Bunny swipes the bottle of beer right out of Bigmouth's hand.  "THIS IS THE WORST NEWS EVER, STARTING TOMORROW I'M SOBER FOR GOOD!"

"BUNNY, NO!"

Bunny ignores the shouts and chugs the bottle.  Aw well, you'll have to apologize to the shopkeeper and the innkeeper later.  Sorry, Bunny's sisters.  At least she was sober for nearly a day.

☠☠☠

Everything’s changing, even your friends.  Grillby’s still feels like your second home, but you realize more than ever that... your friends are people, not just the backdrop of your life.  How long can you keep waltzing in, how long will it keep being a safe place, you thought Toriel was a safe place, and now she’s gone.  The only thing you can rely on anymore is your bed, at least, lying down, things don’t catch up to you as quickly.  You can hardly leave your bed anymore for more reasons than just depression, your back hurts so bad you can’t walk without your cane at all these days.

It’s probably stress.  You might be able to deal with the pain on a better day, but today, you don’t want to move.  Papyrus comes into your room to wake you up.  Since the last time Toriel called you, he’s been doing that every day.  You won’t get up otherwise.  You’d be stuck inside snapping at your arm and wishing time would speed up and swallow you alive.

Papyrus bangs the door open and drops down to the floor.  “Saaaaaaaaans,” he drawls, shaking your shoulder.

“I’m taking a raincheck today,” you tell him.

“You said yourself an idle mind is dangerous when you’re depressed.  I don’t think you should take a day off.”

“My back hurts,” you tell him.  “Think if I just... rest it a day, it’ll get better.”

“You need to see a doctor,” Papyrus says seriously.   _“And_ your psychiatrist.”

“A psychiatrist is a doctor.”

“You know what I mean!  Ever since the Undyne incident, I think your mood’s been... declining.  Your medicine might need adjusting.  And if your back is so bad you can’t get out of bed, that can’t be left unchecked!  It sounds serious.”

You think about the phone calls and appointments you’ll have to make.  You groan and shut your eyes.  “I’m kinda sick of hauling ass to different doctors,” you say.  “It’s one thing to be disabled but bein’ disabled _and_ mentally ill’s just too much.  This is why Grillbz fucking fired me, I’m, haha, a goddamn liability.”

“You never _chose_ to be born with a disability,” Papyrus says.  “It’s not your fault and you’re not a liability!  Still, you need to take better care of yourself.  If you’re going to stay home today, you have to have something to do!  Even if it’s watching a TV show, it’s important to have a distraction.  And make those appointments!”

You tell him you will.  Papyrus gives you the names of TV shows he likes, if you’re going to watch one, it has to be one that he knows so that he can quiz you on it.  That way he’ll know you were actually watching and not idly wasting away.  He texts you all day, asking if you’ve eaten, if you’ve gotten up, if you’ve showered, then reminds you that you actually did have an appointment with your psychiatrist today.  His calendar just reminded him.  It’s just one of those days where you can’t walk that far, so you get a ride.  That’s exhausting, talking about your mental state is exhausting, you get another ride home and go right back to bed.

Papyrus comes home and asks how it went.  “She thinks she should raise the dose on my antidepressans,” you tell him.  “And... I’m going on sleeping pills until this is over.  Just until I can drug myself back onto a normal schedule.”

“Okay, good.”

“I don’t wanna do it,” you say.  “I don’t think this is the answer, yknow?  To drug myself for the rest of my life?  Maybe it’s ‘cause that’s what the old man thought but...  I don’t know, it seems like, taking the lazy way out?  Just keep tryna chemically alter my brain into being a normal brain?”

“You’re not _altering_ your brain, you’re _helping_ your brain be healthy.  Like, if you were sick in the lungs, you wouldn’t think of treating your lungs with medicine as taking the lazy way out.  And this is coming from _me!_  You know I don’t believe in taking the easy way out of anything!”

“Yeah but... if you keep breathing in toxic shit on purpose, it’s gonna hurt your lungs and...  It’s the same, I’m saying.  I just needa make... lifestyle changes.”

“Well, that’s what I’ve been _trying_ to get you to do.  Change your diet, change your sheets, but...  If you think that what you need is to work on your physical health, I’d...  I’d help with that!  We can start exercising together.  It’d be fun!”

“Maybe... when my back isn’t about to snap...”

“I’m sure Undyne knows exercises that could help your back.  What if, we all trained together?”

“I’m not working out with Undies, she’s gonna kill me.”

“Well, I meant _after_ you make up and everything—”

“Besides for the fact that that’s not happening, she’s way too tough for me.”

“You _forget_ that she spends a lot of time with disabled children who are a lot more delicate than you.  None of them have a single complaint about her!”

“Yeah, whatever.  I’m stuck, okay?  I don’t wanna keep drugging myself but I can’t...  Shit, I can’t do anything.”  You rub your eyes.  Your sleeve rolls down.  You tug it back up, but not before Papyrus sees.  You almost want to apologize.

“What happened to your arm?”

“Take a lucky guess, will you?”

His eyes shift to the rubber bands.  “Is that... what the rubber bands are for?”

“Yep.  Long time ago a friend gave me the idea to get me to stop cutting myself.  It’s worked for years.”

You wait an agonizing second, knowing you’ll see his face fall, knowing he’ll be sad, he’ll be scared, he’ll be freaked out....  But instead, he nods.  “That’s a pretty good idea!” he says.  “It must really hurt, but I guess, that’s the idea?  Well, I’m glad you’ve found an alternative!”

You breathe a sigh of relief.  You recall how Toriel reacted, how distressed she was, and remember, Chara...  They used to self-harm.  No wonder.  “I told Toriel about it,” you say.  “I uh, really regret it.  She didn’t need to know.  Probably caused her all sorts of stress.  One of her kids...  Did I tell you they killed themself?  I didn’t know that, and I... I told Toriel all about it.  You don’t,” you add before he interrupts, “needa tell me I couldn’t have known... I know that.  But still, even for someone who didn’t go through all that, must’ve been heavy to listen to.”

“I think she wanted to know, didn’t she?” Papyrus asks.

“I just, fuck...”  You squeeze your eyes shut and block out the light with your arm.  “I can’t stand to think of her in that huge house crying alone.”

Papyrus doesn’t reply.  You don’t look to see if he’s thinking.  You just continue.  “I once warned her I could relapse any moment...  If she didn’t think I might kill myself someday, she might not’ve cut off contact, yknow, fearing I’d cause her even more pain.”

“I don’t think Toriel’s like that,” Papyrus speaks up.  “She didn’t _seem_ like that.  And if she is, I want you to marry someone else.”

“You don’t understand, her kid _committed suicide._  Sticking with someone who was once suicidal, it’s...  It’s a lot to expect from someone.  She didn’t know I had all this _baggage_ when we first met.  Undyne was right, I didn’t know anything about her.  And now, I know, Toriel’s not perfect, she’s sensitive, she jumps to conclusions, she can be hysterical but, she’s also seen some shit and she hasn’t dumped it on me the way I’ve dumped on her.  All that tragic freaking backstory, she kept it all to herself.  And now she’s all alone.  I... at this point, I understand completely where Asgore was coming from.  After she left him, he stalked her for months to see how she was doing.  I kinda just... I also wanna go after her and make sure she’s okay.  Or at least, ha, not dead...”

“And... you don’t have an address?  Or anything?”

“I might be able to find it,” you say.  “It can’t be more than a few hours away by train.  But... she’d probably hate me for it.  She wants to be alone right now.  I wish, though...  Call me selfish, but I wish she’d found a better way of breaking it to me.”

“She _should_ have, but well... Obviously she was in significant amounts of distress so...  You’re both... stuck.  And, that conclusion doesn’t help anyone—”

“You’re tryin’ your best,” you tell him.  “I didn’t say it yet but, thanks.”

“We’ve been through worse,” Papyrus says.  “And we got through it just fine!  What you need is to occupy yourself.  This isn’t going to solve all your problems, but I’m taking you to the furniture store tomorrow and getting you a new bed!  It’s about time!  For now, let’s go.”

“Go where.”

“On a walk!”

You drag yourself out of bed and pick up your cane.  You shuffle along behind Papyrus as he gives you what sounds like a tour of all the places you already know.  He had the right idea, it is better than staying in bed.  “Fall is coming!” he announces.  “I personally can’t wait!  Snowdin is going to look beautiful!  That tree over there will turn yellow!  And that one will be red!  I love fall!”

“It’s September, right?” you ask.  “Bet the fall semester’s already started.”

“And after that is the spring semester!  And so many semesters after that!  And many, many more years of her life that Toriel will have to catch up to her dreams!”

“Hell, maybe she’s... maybe she’s taking online classes...”

“Maybe!  Hey, there’s a tree that’s not going to change at all!”

You stop in the middle of the square.  At the center of town, there’s a huge evergreen tree that’s older than Snowdin itself.  In the winter, it’s the biggest, and probably only tourist attraction.  The decorations are spectacular, with a giant star on top, and there’s an old Snowdin tradition of leaving gifts under the tree for random people.  They call it the Snowdin tree.  Even in the summer, it’s impressive.

Papyrus puts his hands on his hips and gazes up at the tree.  “There’s so much in life to look forward to,” he says.  “You end one project and then start another!  There’s always something exciting waiting just around the corner!  Like this tree!  It may not look so spectacular now, but wait until December!”

He’s try to metaphor the way you do.  You walk over to stand by his side and picture the pretty lights.  “Thanks for always sticking with me,” you tell him again.  “Don’t know what I’d do without you...”

“Remember how I said you were my friend?” Papyrus says, still gazing up at the tree.  “Well, we’re a family too.  And family is forever.”

“Heh...”  Out of all the things you’ve praised him for, you haven’t given him enough credit for being loyal.  What did you do to deserve him, you find yourself asking again.  Younger you had good taste.  Good enough to keep the best people on your leash.  You used to think it’d be kinder to let them go.  You thought it’d be best for Papyrus, and look where you are now.  As for Alphys, by now, well... it doesn’t matter.

You’ll probably never see her again.

☠☠☠

It’s not a racecar bed, but it’s a _bed,_ and that’s more than what you’ve had since you moved to Snowdin.  Papyrus is ecstatic.  You have a new bed, a new mattress, and it’s kind of cathartic to dump the old one outside.  Once you get it off the floor though, years of lost residue present itself.  Several pills.  Many stains.  You have to help Papyrus clean up the rectangle-shaped mess on the floor before you can start setting up the bed.

You get the thing set up together, meaning you sort of watch Papyrus do it and hand him screws and tools.  He’s doing most of the work, but he tries to involve you as much as possible.  You appreciate his efforts, but it makes you feel worse in a way.  The fact that he’s trying so hard.  All you can focus on is how good it might feel to drive one of those screws into your arm.  You don’t want to think about that.

Papyrus notices your state and tries to suggest some coping techniques.  “When Undyne’s upset,” he says, “she likes breaking things.  Maybe you can try... ripping something?”

“Can’t take my feelings out on other things,” you tell him, “only myself.”

Your arms are black and blue.  You kept snapping earlier until your skin became numb.  When it stopped hurting, that just... took away the point.  You’re scared of slipping back into old habits.  You picture the blood dripping down your arm as you help Papyrus make the bed.  Finally, he interrupts your brooding to ask you to try it out.  You’re more than happy to get into bed if he tells you to.

The mattress is firm, but not very lumpy.  You curl up on it and feel something almost resembling happiness.  Contentment.  Papyrus happily asks if you like it.  Course you do, you tell him, and he tucks you in and says he’s going to celebrate by reading you a bedtime story.  You nestle in and, decide that yeah, for the time being, you’re very content.  Pap still hasn’t hugged you since you insulted his best friend, but he’s been really nice.

You expect Peekaboo With Fluffy Bunny, but he comes back with a book that he apparently rescued from your old science fiction collection when he packed up your things from your house in the Capital.  It’s part of the Earthsea Trilogy.  You read those books so long ago, and even while Papyrus stumbles over the words, it’s like a lullaby.  You don’t remember ever being so comfortable in your life.  You don’t remember when you fell asleep, but you vaguely recall Papyrus shutting the door.

☠☠☠

It takes some getting used to.  After coming home, especially when you were working at Grillby’s, your habit was just, simply, dropping.  Getting a little injured by lumps and springs, but having something bouncy reliably there to catch you.  Now you have to expend the effort of crawling, which isn’t... so bad.  You’re a little apprehensive, though.  You might roll over in your sleep and fall off the bed.  You’ve woken up on the floor feet from your mattress before, so it’s likely that you’ll fall.

You once broke your arm by falling out of bed.  It happened in middle school.  You remember Papyrus screaming for his dad, and his dad screaming at him because he thought for some reason that he had pushed you.  It wasn’t a serious break, but it was one of your favorite stories.   _What happened to you?!_ your friends would exclaim when they saw your arm in a cast.  “I fell off the bed,” you giggled, and they didn’t believe you, so your stories got wilder and wilder.  “My parachute didn’t open,” you said after a week.  “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” you answered another day.

Toriel would’ve loved that one.

As you feared, now that you have a comfortable place to sleep, you don’t want to get up.  You wake up right on time Sunday morning, and then, naturally, you fall back asleep.  By the time you wake up for real, you’re sure that Papyrus is gone by now.  It’s his special day with his special friend.  You wonder why he didn’t wake you.

You step down from your bed, marvelling even more at the altitude.  You rub your eyes and wander into the kitchen.  It’s nearly noon, but Papyrus is right there, sitting in a chair, reading the morning paper.

“What’re you still doing here?” you greet him.  “Where’s Undies?”

“She had to cancel,” Papyrus says emptily.  He puts down the paper and looks at his phone.  “She had to run to Hotland because of a sudden emergency.  She said... it’s a life or death kind of emergency.”

You feel a chill.  You can put two and two together.  “Is it Alphys.”

“She didn’t say.”

“She... what else would Undyne go to Hotland for.  Is she... did she say anything else?”

“No.  I hope... Alphys is okay?”

“Life or death, she’s not okay, bro.”

Papyrus texts hurriedly on his phone.  He stares at it for a while, but doesn’t get a response.  “Well, she’s on the road now, so of course she can’t text!  Undyne’s a responsible driver, sometimes...”

“I’m...”  What can you do?  “I’m gonna... go.  See ya later.”

“Alright.  I’ll just... watch TV I guess.”

On your way to the hotdog stand, you text Undyne.

 

_*is alphys ok_

 

It’s not until your shift is over and you’re on your way home after another agonizingly long day that you get your response.

 

_*Go fuck yourself_

 

 _“You_ go fuck yourself,” you tell your phone.  Your heart decides to beat in your throat instead of your stomach as you find yourself panicking.  So you don’t know whether another one of your friends is alive or dead.  You can’t lose someone else, this is just too much.  Knowing Alphys, taking the easy escape out is something you’d expect a lot quicker out of her than Toriel.  

So she’s probably dead, welp, might as well find out before you let loose.

You promised her you wouldn’t go that way.  The terms were that she had to suffer with you, and it was a great arrangement until what you’ve come to call the Gaster Disaster.  You never broke your promises, but she doesn’t know that.  If she broke hers then... why should _you_ suffer anymore?  You held on this long.  But now...

You didn’t think you could feel any worse after Toriel decided to disappear forever.  You didn’t think it was possible to feel worse, but now, you want to die.  You thought everything was fine and dandy once you started going on meds, quitting your janitorial job, but no, you’re back to square one, Toriel’s gone, Alphys is gone, _nothing’s_ gotten better except for your back.  It’s stopped hurting since you got a proper bed, go figure.

Papyrus is worried too.  Undyne hasn’t gotten back to him.  When he sees the message she left you, he assures you that she was probably frustrated because she was stuck in traffic, not because the girlfriend you spoke bad of was dead on arrival or anything.  He tells you it’s okay.  He asks if you and Alphys are friends.

“Not anymore,” you tell him.

After you ditched her, you’d never expect that of her.  No one is that nice.  You’ll wait until you get the news, and once you do, you’ll be free to slice at your flesh.  Not yet, though.  There’s still a chance, maybe.  Until then, you hang around Papyrus, not saying anything, but not daring to leave his sight in case you lose it.

Papyrus gets tired.  He wants to go to bed.  You ask him to watch just one more MTT video with you.  He comments that he knew he’d convert you to the Mettaton fandom someday, his face is just too attractive to not be loved.  He clicks on the first video he sees, “How To Deal With Periods As A Man,” after which you feel very educated but not much better.  And then Papyrus shuts off his computer.

“I’m keeping my phone on full volume,” he says.  “I’ll let you know as soon as I get any news!”

You tell him thanks.  You avoid the bathroom.  There are razors in there, good razors since Papyrus is one of those upstanding citizens who shaves every day.  You jam your hands tightly in your pockets and lock yourself in your room.

You open up your bottle of sleeping pills.  There’s enough for a month.  You shouldn’t waste them, but you’re tempted to take two.

Before you can swallow them, your phone buzzes from inside your pocket.

 

_*She’s in the hospital.  
*She’s fine.  You can chill_

 

You don’t text back thank you.  She probably doesn’t wanna hear it.  She probably didn’t want to text you in the first place, but, you have to admit it to yourself, Undyne’s a fucking saint.  All the more reason you shouldn’t apologize; let her hate you.  You really suck, and she deserves friends as good as Papyrus.

You fall onto your bed and let yourself sob and laugh into the pillow.  It’s okay, Alph’s alive.  “Thanks Alph,” you say into your pillow.  “I know it’s not like you held on for me but I’m gonna take real good care of myself from now on, you hear?”

She doesn’t hear.  Of course she doesn’t, _you_ don’t even hear your own words muffled into the pillow.  But it’s good.  It’s all good.  It’s okay.  She’s alive.

☠☠☠

"Happy new year..."

"Yayyyy..."

Inside Alphys's tiny computer screen, crowds of people screamed themselves hoarse.  Couples threw themselves at each other to passionately kiss.  The camera briefly cut to a man kneeling in front of his girlfriend with a ring.  He promptly got trampled before the camera cut away.  The ring probably got lost.

Outside the computer, the mood couldn't be bleaker.  You and Alphys sat back on her bed with a single bag of chisps between you, and all her dirty laundry piled underneath.  Alphys took a handful of chisps and crammed them in her mouth, watching a lesbian couple eat each other's faces off.  Soulful music played.

"So," you said, turning your head an approximate 45 degrees, "got any resolutions?"

"I g-guess, to just..."  Alphys sighed.  "Make it to the next one..."  She offered you the bag of chisps.  You declined it with a noncommittal syllable.

"You?" she asked.

"I d'know...  Making it to the next one...  That's dreaming kinda big."

"S-sorry..."

"For what."

"I'm n-not apologizing, just ex...pressing c-condolences?  And... I hope you change your mind."

You shrugged.  "Look on the bright side, Alph.  If you're not looking ahead to the future, means you don't have to worry about keeping resolutions.  Responsibilities are a pain..."

Alphys sunk down.  You were doing a really bad job of bringing holiday cheer.  "Hey, it's new years.  Cheer up."

"You r-really don't think... you're gonna m-make it?"

"Eh, I'm not one to plan for the future.  I prefer to live in the moment.  Maybe next year we'll be in this exact same spot... watching a widescreen TV and you'll have a pair of hot new lovers on your arms.  And I'll uh, be a little drunker."

"Can't you... think of anything better?" Alphys asked.

"Welp, I used to always watch the ball drop with my brother.  It was pretty fun.  He'd scream when it hit midnight and... he always forced me to make a resolution.  And he'd yell at me when I didn't keep to it."  You chuckled.  What's he doing now?  You could have asked him.  Your phone was in your pocket.  You hoped he had someone else to scream with.

"I can s-scream."

"You can?"

"W-wanna hear it?"

"Go ahead."

Alphys took a deep breath.  She straightened up, opened up her throat, and let out the most ear-splitting horror movie scream you'd ever heard.  You think you felt your soul leave your body.

"Nice job," you said.

Alphys smiled.  She looked a little brighter.  "That f-felt r-really good!"

"Can you scream more often.  I think that might shock my consciousness back into the world of the living."

"I-if you w-want?"

You'd have prefered a genuine, excited scream to a forced one, but Alph was really doing her best.  The live feed cut to a commercial break.  "D-do you wanna scream too?"

"Nah thanks."

"Okay..."

She sunk back down.  "Hey," you said, "I know I'm like, five days late, but I got you a present."

"A new year's present?"

"Uh, it was gonna be a christmas gift but... I ordered it on the 25th, so it still counts."

"Wh-why?"

"Because... I forgot."  You chuckled halfheartedly.  "Sorry bout that, but... better late than never."

"I... g-got you a gift, too."

"Wow, you also forgot?  Good for us."

"N-no, I bought it before, but..."  Alphys looked off to the side.  "I was... worried you wouldn't like it."

"I think it's more of the thought that counts."

"Okay...  Then, sh-should I..."  Alphys paused.  She smiled sheepishly.  "I'll, uh... g-go get it."

She stood up, hesitated, then scurried over to her closet.  You waited on her bed, watching the computer.  She got a live feed of the ball dropping on it, and it’s showing commercials now.  It repeats an ad you’ve heard a million times, so you shut off the sound, then reached over and shut the laptop.  The silence combined with the musky smell of dirty laundry and popato chisps heightened without the brightness and noise of the computer.  You heard Alphys digging around in the closet and muttering to herself, then she scurried back over to you with a tiny wrapped box, tied up in a cute little bow.

"Happy, uh, l-late giftmas."

The bow was so pretty you felt bad untying it.  You carefully peeled off the snowflake patterned wrapping paper and lo and behold— it was a box.  A small tin box with cool robots painted on it, fighting on a backdrop of a futuristic looking city.

"Uh."  You turned it over.  "Thanks."

"I- I found that box and...  Since, you like science fiction..."  She chuckled nervously.  "If-f you don't like it—"

"Nah, I'm in love."  You secretly thought that Papyrus might like this gift better than you.  The box was too small to hold anything useful, but he was a huge fan of sexy robots.  Alphys unwittingly gave you the best gift she could— a chance to gift your way back into your brother's life.

Alphys looked at you expectantly.  Like she expected you to do something with the box.  "Uh, wanna see what I got you?"

"Maybe y-you should... open it first."

"Oh."

A present within the present.  You dug your fingers under the lid and popped it open.  A bunch of colorful rubber bands spilled out onto your lap.

"Welp."

"I kn-know it's not much of a g-gift b-b-but I—"  Alphys floudered.  Then she started talking very fast.  "I th-thought that you might f-find them useful, be-because your stuff gets really messy and you lose your papers a lot so m-maybe you can... h-hold them together m-more easily, and..."

She trailed off.  You slipped a rubber band onto your wrist.  "Yeah, to hold my shit together..."

"And... I thought y-you might also, l-like the box."

"Yep.  Keeping it together..."

You pulled back on the rubber band and snapped it against your wrist.  Alphys winced.  Ouch.  It really did sting.  Exactly like she said it would.  "Thanks, Alph."

"S-sorry if you... if you..."  She looked down at her lap.

"Alph.  Alphie."  You reached over and patted her fluffy head.  "Alphonse, it means a lot."

"I want you to make it," she blurted out.

"Ha, to next year?"

Alphys's mouth opened and closed, but didn't seem to remember how to talk, so she just nodded.  You lost the other rubber bands she gave you.  She was really dead set on this.  Her precision, it always amazed you.  For someone who was tempted to give up on herself all the time, she never gave up on anything else.

She definitely never gave up on you.

“Welp, my gift’s over here.”  You picked up a large box that you managed to sneak into her room without her noticing.  Alphys asked how you got that in here.  You told her a magician never reveals his secrets.  It was hard getting the tape off the box, Alphys didn’t dare to keep a pair of scissors in her room.  She ripped it with her fingernails.  While she struggled, you dragged yourself off the bed to flick on the light switch.  She opened up the box and gasped.

“Oh.  My god.”

“Heh, I knew you’d like it.”

“Wh-Where did you get this?!”

“Internet.”

She held up a full-size Mew Mew Kissy Cutie body pillow, printed seductively across it.  Alphys giggled.  “I can’t believe you...”

“I know what you’re into.”

“I’m into _fucked up shit,”_ Alphys said, gazing at Mew Mew’s vulnerable body.  “And... holy crap...”

“Enjoy your new girlfriend.”

“I’m so glad I live alone.”

“Heheh...”

Alphys dropped the pillow onto the bed.  “I kn-know I said I don’t do hugs, but...”  She smiled.  You didn’t waste another second.  You dove forward and threw your arms around her.  You’d been hug-deprived for so long, it felt like reuniting with a long lost drug.  It wasn’t like a Papyrus hug, Alphys sat stiffly and patted your back.  But it was a hug nonetheless, she returned it, and you could feel in her muscles that she wasn’t reluctant, just out of practice.

She pulled away first.  You let her.  “If I don’t have a new year’s resolution,” you said, “I’ll help you keep yours.”

“Alright, but you’ll n-need to be around to do that.”

“Yeah.  I’ll...  We’ll make it.  I wanna do this next year.  Awkward late gifts are the best.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy,” Alphys said.  She looked down.  “You don’t h-have to make any promises, okay?  Just, promise you’ll try?”

“That’s reasonable.”  You put the fallen rubber bands back into your little box.  “Though... trying’s the hardest part.”

“M-Maybe it is for you, because... I know that, sometimes it’s... not always easy to like yourself.  But, I like you!  So, if I c-can’t like myself then, if it’s too hard, maybe I can help you like yourself a little better.”  She sighed.  “But... I’m really happy you want to be here next year.  At least for now.”

“Yeah...”  You looked at your little tin box in the light.  You’d send the box to Papyrus for his birthday, but before then, you’d keep that box with you everywhere.  It was small enough to fit in your coat pocket.  “Think you’re right.  It’s easier to help other people than it is to help yourself.”

“Then... why don’t we t-try that?”

“I get it...  If we can’t do it—”

“If—If you’re not feeling up to it, or if I’m not feeling up to it, we’ll encourage each other!”

“That’s not a bad idea.  I don’t know how much of a help I am, but—”

“You are!” Alphys urged.  “Having you as a friend is really helpful!”

“Glad it’s mutual.”

It was a thing, that day, you and Alphys struck up a deal.  When you were feeling at your lowest, you’d take the other by the hand, metaphorically, and give the other the encouragement you couldn’t give yourselves.  That’s what it was really, helping yourself by helping each other.  Feeding the other a vegetable, and having to eat the rest of it as well.  Pushing each other to go to sleep earlier.  Take the focus off of yourself and your own inner turmoil.

It worked for more than a year.  Until you left without a word.

You didn’t think to call her until you remembered that she existed, after you’d gotten away from the Capital and moved to the tiny town of Snowdin.  Long after.  Was it a year later?  Longer than that?  You thought you might check in with her.  Just to make sure she wasn’t dead.

You only tried twice, and after she didn’t answer, you figured she didn’t want to talk to you.  You didn’t try again.

☠☠☠

“Oh it’s the wrong number, the wrong number song~”  You toss your phone on the floor and keep singing.  “We’re very very sorry that we got it wrong~”

You’re glad that Alphys isn’t dead, but you’ve been trying to get back in touch with her for the last several days.  You heard from Papyrus that she’s out of the hospital now.  But you called her and got someone named Sara from Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  Nice girl, you wound up talking with her for about ten minutes before she had to go because her “breast friend” was calling, whatever that meant.

The phone number used to belong to Alphys.  She changed it.  You hope it wasn’t because of you.

You should probably get out of bed.  You’ve been in here since you got back from the hotdog stand.  You pick yourself up and shuffle to your door.  You hear a voice that makes you want to turn right back around.

“I HATE THAT GUY!”

“Oh no, what did he do this time?”

“HE’S JUST AN IDIOT!”

You didn’t hear Undyne come in.  Seems like you’re not leaving your room until she leaves.  You leave the door open just a crack and observe Undyne and Papyrus standing in front of the couch.  Papyrus gave you whatever news he could, but Undyne was too busy driving back and forth from Hotland to update him much.  All you know is that Alphys is getting help and doing better than she’d been on Sunday.

You listen closely.

“I kind of owe him big time,” Undyne grumbles.  “And I... fucking _hate_ him because even though he’s a moron, he saved her life.”

“That sounds like... less of a reason to hate him?”

"At least he was smart enough to pay attention."

You open your door a little more.  It creaks.  Papyrus looks up, locks eyes with you, and looks away, pretending he didn't see.  "Could you... tell me what happened?" he asks Undyne.  "I couldn't infer anything from your texts, it sounded like, Alphys was feeling bad?  Life-threateningly bad?"

"Yeah, that's one way to put it.  Guess I should just..."  She pauses.  "Yeah.  Her housemate.  The jerk I told you about.  He noticed she was acting weird.  She just started... cleaning out all her stuff suddenly.  Throwing a lot of things away.  And she was even more reclusive than usual, she wouldn't even talk to him.  So he did some snooping and found these letters she'd been drafting."

"To who?" Papyrus asks.

"A few people," Undyne answers.  "But it doesn't even matter.  Those letters all went through the shredder."

"But what were they?"

Undyne drops onto the couch.  "Suicide notes."

Papyrus stands still for a moment, looking unsure of what to do, then sits down beside her.  "W-well, it's a good thing her housemate found them!"

"She told him to find a new doctor," Undyne says emptily, leaning her head back.  "And instructions on how to take care of himself.  It wasn't really... all that heartfelt.  I know it'd be worse for her if she was alone, but I wish she had someone different."

"Maybe... it sounded cold because she was sad?"

"Probably.  Guess your idol's not a piece of shit all the time."

"I guess— what?"

"That one night," Undyne continues, "after Alphys got out of the hospital, we both sat up with her all night and hung out.  We pulled an all-nighter anime marathon on her bed.  You know Mettaton, heh, course you know him...  He does have a way with words, I'll give him that.  It was kinda fun.  When we both stayed with her and made her feel loved, I really felt a bond with the guy."

"Wait, what about Mettaton?"

"I hate myself for it but I may like him with the tiniest percent of my being."

"Who, Mettaton?  Are you saying Alphys lives with _Mettaton?"_

"Yeah, she lives with Mettaton!  So what!"

"He's in Hotland?!  Despite the usual traffic, he’s not that far away—  Oh my god, can I meet him?"

Undyne interrupts his fanboying session by screaming.  "HE'S A PIECE OF SHIT!  I HATE HIS FREAKING S-STUPID, FUCKING, UNHEALTHY GUTS—"

"I-I really don't follow you at all—"

She bursts into tears.  Papyrus shuts up and hugs her.  He looks up at you, jerking his head, wordlessly asking you to close yourself back in your room.  You hide behind the door to give them some privacy.  You can't see them, but you can imagine Papyrus wrapping her in one of his great hugs.  You sit yourself down on the carpet, hugging your knees and listening to Undyne's broken voice.

"She didn't finish my note," Undyne cries.  "It was really long—  Saying goodbye and, she just— kept apologizing...  Mettaton had the stupid balls to take pictures of all the letters and send them to me, _all_ of them, the ones to him, Bratty and Catty, Asgore, and, there was— one for S-Sans—"

Her voice breaks.  You never could have imagined those sounds coming from Undyne.  But you can imagine how she feels.  Similar to how you might have felt if you ever received that note.

"What did the letter to Sans say?" Papyrus asks.  He must know you're still listening.

 _"Sorry I'm not as strong as you,"_ Undyne recites.  "That's it..."

_That's it...?_

"I don't get it!" she cries.  "I wish I knew what it meant!"

You peek out again.  Undyne's fingers dig into the back of his shirt.  Papyrus seems lost.  Knowing what Alphys wanted to say to you almost makes you want to go down and join them.   _She's wrong,_ you think.  You wish she could know that the only reason you didn't kill yourself months sooner was because of...

The woman crying on your couch.  You really are an asshole.

"I c-could have been too late—"

"It's alright, you weren't!"

"I almost lost her."

"But you won't!  She's getting better now.  She'll realize how much you love her once the haze of her episode wears off.  I'm positive she'll be okay!"

"You don't get it," Undyne says.

You see Papyrus's face change for a moment.  He closes his eyes.  "Um, yes I do," he retorts.  "I've been in the _exact_ same position.  Fearing your loved one will take their life and you're completely powerless to stop it from happening?  I get it very much."

"Yeah.  Sorry," Undyne mutters.

Papyrus mutters something that you don’t hear.  You watch him rub circles between her shoulder blades.  He holds the back of her head in his other hand.  You can’t see much of his face behind her hair.  "The worst part is that it... could have even happened because of my own ignorance.  I was scared."

"I know."

"But things got better because we both worked hard!  Sans just needed a leg up, and once he decided to help himself, we did it together!  For a long time, well, you know, I kept thinking that... it was all my fault.  It was hard.  Really hard.  B-But you care about Alphys, as much as I care about my brother, I hope!  Once she decides that she wants to get better, she'll know she has you to fall back on, and she'll be okay."

"No one wants to be depressed..."

"But, I've realized that, it gets to the point where sometimes you don't even want to try."

_So he gets it now._

Undyne sniffs.  She draws back to wipe her eye.  Papyrus keeps a hand on her shoulder.  He smiles at her.  "I know you can do it!" he says.  "Your strength combined with Alphys's passion, you can both get through this!  And since you helped _me_ out, you know I'll always be there for you."

Undyne snorts a line of snot back into her nose.  "You big goober," she whispers.  You watch her hug him back.  Papyrus catches you in the crack of your door, and looks embarrassed.  Like he forgot you were there.  He probably didn't mean for you to hear that.  It's fine, you pretty much knew already.

You leave your room and inconspicuously walk down the hall.  Out to the balcony, where your shortcut is waiting.

Undyne and Papyrus never hang out too long at the house in the afternoon.  They get restless.  It's only a matter of time before Undyne walks out the door.  She'll have that time alone with her friend.  Sure enough, a few minutes later, the door opens.  You duck behind the bushes and wait for Papyrus to say his farewells.

"See you again Sunday," Undyne says.

"We'll have to do something special to make up for last week!"

"Yeah, if you can think of something!"

"And, like I said, come back over any time you need!"

"Gotcha."

Papyrus gives her an encouraging grin.  She returns with a grateful smile.  She seems subdued.  Maybe it's her volume, maybe it's the look in her eye.  You wait until Papyrus shuts the door, and Undyne starts walking to her car.  You sneak out of the bushes and follow closely behind her.

"Hi," you say.

"NGAHHH!"

You dodge the ponytail that whips at your face as Undyne spins around.  "WHAT THE HELL!" she screams.

"Nice to see you too, listen, I don't know if it's the best time for this, but I've got an apology long overdue."

Undyne's eye narrows.  "Where _were_ you?  You weren't... just inside, were you?"

"Yeah, I heard you crying, but don't worry, if it makes ya feel any better we've both had embarrassing emotional breakdowns in Papyrus's arms.  He has that effect on people, yknow?"

"Fuck."  Undyne scowls.  "You really love to piss me off—"

"I'm not gonna tell anyone.  Nah I just need to apologize to you, and Alphys, you didn't tell her those things I said, did you?"

"No.  Like hell."

"Good cause, I didn't mean any of that, I was just being a shit, but you probably know that.  Alph would... she'd never cheat on you, at least the Alph that I know.  I regretted saying those things about her soon as I said 'em.  She didn't deserve that—"

"And I did, huh."

"No, I'm just an asshole who's learned how to cope with physical powerlessness by learning how to manipulate more physically abled people's feelings with words.  I get confused sometimes.  About who's against me.  If someone tells me they're doing something I don't like for my own good, I'm—"  You take a deep breath and stop yourself from derailing.  "'Kay, the plan wasn't to come in and justify myself, I just, really wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Sounds like you've... really thought about this."

"No, I'm just realizing all this now."  You don't meet her eye.  Good thing there's a height difference, you can't look at her.  "But, screw it, you were right."

"Um, about what?"

"About Toriel, guess what, she dumped me."

The pause stretches for too long.  You nervously glance at Undyne's face to see that she's not looking at you either.  She's staring off to the side with a sort of disbelieving grimace.  "Damn," she finally says.  "That... really sucks!  Uhh, wanna print out pictures of her face and pee on them?"

"Heh, you're not gonna say I told you so?"

"Um?  No??  Jeez, I'm not trying to be a bitch!  I just wanted to look out for you in the first place!  Though... I don't know, I coulda maybe..."

She trails off.  "I don't think there was any way you coulda said what you said," you say, "without it ending how it ended.  Did you think that was gonna happen?"

"I didn't think you'd like it, _that_ I was prepared for."

"But you went ahead and did it anyway."

"Um... Whatever?"

"Yep.  Hey, I'll say it again, I'm sorry for blowing up the way I did, and bringing Alphys into it.  It uh, wasn't cool."

Undyne, of all things, chuckles.  "I'll be honest," she says, "I didn't think you'd ever apologize.  I thought your pride wouldn't let you."

"My pride's all I got."

"Yeah, you pretty much just admitted that to me."  

"I'll be honest too," you say, "I didn't think it would go this well at all.  Thought your pride wouldn't find it in your heart to forgive."

"But you went ahead and did it anyway."  Undyne smirks down at you.  This is utterly humiliating, but you're glad to see her smiling.

"Wasn't uh, tryna be a bitch?"

"Too late, you're already a little bitch."

"Glad I have one friend who's willing to call me out on my bullshit."  It's kind of cathartic.  After all those months of Toriel telling you you did nothing wrong, that you were perfect, but then again, you felt the same way about her, didn't you?  "No one else is gonna do it."

"You're overdoing it," says Undyne.  "You had enough humbling today, you can stop now."

"See, _exactly_ like this.  Call me out.  Do it."

"Are you... some kind of masochist?"

"Yeahhh, just like that."

"Alright, if that's what you want, I'll call you out all the time!  I love calling people out on their bullshit!"

"Good.  And uh, Alph's gonna be okay.  She's stronger than she thinks she is.  She's got a fighting spirit.  Her only problem is that... _was_ that she'd forget that.  And, I think I could jog her memory if I could but.  I've had trouble getting in contact with her.  Either I got the wrong info in my phone or she changed her number."

"You... tried to call her?"

"Even after you threatened to, what was it, put my arms in the trash?"

"Ha, I _did_ lose it."

"But I went and did it anyway."  You grin.  Undyne glares down at you.  "Well uh, like I was saying, I'd talk to her if I could get in touch with her but, I can't.  I even left a message for her a long while back but, I don't think she got it."

"Like, a phone message?"

"No, a handwritten one.  Secretly encoded in the message I gave you to give to her telling her her favorite anime sucks."

Undyne grabs your arms.   _"What,"_ she snarls, "was the message?"

"Uh, I put it in an impression with a leadless mechanical pencil, I wrote, 'call me, number's the same.'"  Five words.  Right under the other five words.

"Ngahhh!  Why didn't you just put it there?!"

"I wanted it to be between me 'n Alph.  But, hey, guess not everything works out the way it's supposed to."

"You little—"  Undyne releases your arms and scowls.  "God I got so pissed at you for a second I forgot how shitty I feel."

"Happens to the best of us.  Look uh, I'm no optimist, so if I say something's gonna turn out fine, most likely, I mean it.  And there's no most likely in this case because, I mean it.  Not just because I know Alphys can fight, but because, if you can save my life, you can help her.  Back then, I was ready to die without leaving any note.  The fact that Alph’s trying to clean up after herself shows there’s still something worth living for.  If that... makes sense."

"Sure it makes sense..."

"Just jarring to see all those thoughts written out."

"What do you mean," she asks, "back then?"

"After I broke my leg.  When Papyrus first started texting you all the time about me."

"But... how were you even gonna do it if you couldn't move?"

"I wasn't paralyzed."

Undyne sighs.  She rubs her eye.  "Guess I shouldn't ask."

"Doesn't really matter, but you did the right thing back then.  Saved my life and, saved Pap a whole lot of heartache."

"Holy shit, was it the goddamn pills?"

"Wasn't planning on getting that deep—"

"Did he hide them?  Good for him—"

"Welp, good for you, really."

Undyne looks off to the side uncomfortably.  This is too heavy of a bomb to drop.  You can see it on her face, it's one of the most readable faces you've ever seen, she doesn't know what to do with this information.  

"Okay, if we can both agree to never bring this up unless you want something out of me, we're good.  Right.  Yeah.  Alphys.  Don't uh, lose hope in yourself.  Clearly you know what you're doing.  With that extra time you bought me, I was... able to pick myself up."  This is the hardest thing you've ever had to say.  You're not a fan of talking about your feelings, but she has to know.  "So, one night cuddling on a bed with Alphys and Mettaton might not seem like much but, trust me, you don't have to... 'save' Alphys all at once, every day you can buy her's valuable.  Every day she's alive is time she can get better.  Pap had the right idea but, people like him...  They don't...  People like him just can't understand what it's like for people like Alphys.  I get it a little better because we've got a similarly fucked up chemical brain imbalance.  So..."  You swallow hard.  "If you ever need, help or, support or, advice, you can ask for help sometimes."

You look down hard at the ground.  You actually managed to spit all that out.  "What the fuck."  You can't see it, but you can feel Undyne's eye glaring at you.  "WHAT THE FUCK!" she screams.  "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS NICE!  STOP IT OR YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME WATERFALL AGAIN LIKE A STUPID UGLY NEWBORN!"

"I won't judge, just bring it up at every family gathering—"

Your words get cut off as your feet suddenly leave the ground.  Undyne lifts you up into a rib-cracking embrace.  "I've got your back too," she mutters.  "Now shut the fuck up.  You fuckweed, I hate you so much!  PAPYRUS!" she yells, jarring your eardrums, "PAPYRUS, GET OVER HERE!"

You hear footfalls pounding inside, it's no wonder he heard that, you think you might have gone temporarily deaf.  You realize you haven’t when the door bursts open and Papyrus calls "I'M HERE!  IS EVERYTHING OKAY?"  He catches sight of you.  You grin at him, unable to move your arms.  "Okay," he says, "glad you... made up?  Finally."

You can't say a word, all the air's been squeezed out of your lungs.  Undyne slowly lowers you to the ground, the pressure releases, and you refill them.  "I SAID GET OVER HERE, GOOBER!"

Papyrus steps closer.  "AM I HERE ENOUGH?"

"YEAH, ENOUGH!"

You don't have enough time to recover your breath before Undyne scoops you back up and picks up Papyrus, too.  “NGAHH!” she screams, it’s only a matter of time before one of the neighbors calls the police.  She kisses Papyrus on the cheek.  As hard as you squirm you can’t avoid it; she has one for you, too.

Papyrus laughs.  "I didn't expect this, but it's definitely the best possible outcome!"

"I love you both so freaking much," Undyne mutters, nuzzling her head between both of yours.

You free an arm, the one that's not squished against your brother, and manage to pat her back.  "We love you too, Undies."

You feel something wet on your shoulder.  She _is_ crying.  "Heh..."  It's tight and uncomfortable, but it's nice.  Nicer now that Papyrus is here too, if maybe she'd put you both down, it'd be perfect.

Once Undyne's squeezed to her heart's content, she nearly drops you both on the ground until Papyrus lands and steadies you.  "Careful," he tells her.

"Fuhuhuh, sorry."

"Yeah," you add, "really good we all have each other...  And we're gonna keep supporting each other.  No matter what happens.  But I uh, still need Alph's contact info."

"I'll text it to you," Undyne says.  "Hang on, I'll do it now."  She whips out her phone and, "Done.  Think the best time to call her is later in the afternoon."

"So, early evening?" Papyrus supplies.

"Yeah, something like that!  Well, you'll figure it out.  Good luck with her."

"Thanks."

"So..."

"I'll try and talk with her today.  Thanks, Undyne.  Thanks for everything."

"You're welcome!" she says with a smile.  "I do everything for you because, while we're bein' all sappy here, I love the crap out of you!"

You laugh.  You realize that you're also crying, you don't remember when that happened.  So is Papyrus.  Damn, what happened?"

The is great, as Papyrus said, the best possible outcome.  And the best thing is that he's delighted.

You fixed something.  You have Undyne again, and she has you.  You did it.  You managed to not screw this up.

Hopefully you can help Alphys...

You'll just have to call.  But that’ll be easy.  You know you can do it.

☠☠☠

 _21 new text messages._  Your heart skips a beat.  If only you’d checked your phone sooner.  You’re scared to look, but you force yourself to open them up.

They’re all from Undyne.  Oh well.  Hoping they were from Toriel was just wishful thinking.

 

 _*Hey_  
_*I’ve started thinking a lot_  
 _*You know when we first met I thought you were a creepy weirdo!_  
 _*And don’t get me wrong you’re still really weird and every time you appear out of the shadows I still get creeped out_  
 _*But all I knew about you really was that you were someone who gives up a lot_  
 _*That’s what Papyrus told me. So I didn’t think we’d ever be friends_  
 _*Because I don’t believe in giving up_  
 _*But I think you’ve either changed a lot or you’ve always been this way_  
 _*Because when I was ready to give up, you didn’t._  
 _*Lots of kids look up to me for being strong but since I started learning about depression I’ve learned, I guess, what strong really means_  
 _*It’s something different for everyone_  
 _*Alphys can’t lift for shit and she’s the strongest person I know_  
 _*I can’t call myself strong just for doing what’s easy.  Not now that I know that there are people who can keep on living even when it feels impossible_  
 _*Even when you were ready to give up, you didn’t!!  Which is really cool, because I’ve NEVER wanted to give up EVER!!  Even if it wasn’t the right thing to do!  The only time I felt like giving up was this week.  And I almost did._  
 _*But what you said made me realize how stupid that was_  
 _*I DIDN’T THINK I’D FIND MYSELF LOOKING UP TO YOU BUT LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE_  
 _*If you can keep holding on, if Alphys can keep being passionate, really, I have to keep trying_  
 _*I have to keep trying to be as strong as you._  
 _*…_  
 _*DON’T QUOTE ME ON THIS!!  AND DON’T TELL ANYONE I SAID IT_  
 _*Seriously though!!  We all have to keep fighting!!!_

You’re not disappointed anymore.  You don’t think those messages couldn’t have been more uplifting if they _were_ Toriel.  So this is what she meant back then.  Back last winter.  When she said you were strong.  You didn’t believe her.  You get it now.

You thought Undyne was done, but she has one last message for you.

_*So don’t EVER lose hope!_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to my breast friend. Here you are. Sansy's special new friend! Maybe now you can strike up a friendship and talk about your mutual interest of David Tennant.
> 
> And kudos to everyone who's watched a loved one suffer from depression. It's hard not to feel guilty, but it doesn't happen like in the movies. Love can't fix a broken heart or a mental illness in one fell swoop. It takes time. But every moment is precious and means the world. 
> 
> NOTE ON APOLOGIZING: if you're really sorry for what you did, make sure to humble yourself before you give the apology. My sister gave me this advice before I apologized to my sister for the, welp, the fight the one between Sans and Undyne was inspired by. Forget about yourself, because it's not about you. The apology is about putting yourself aside and letting the person know you're sorry. It's not a time for justification, and NEVER follow an apology with the word "but." "I'm sorry, but--" Stop urself rite there
> 
> I REALLY wanted Alphys's first line to be "Do you like anime," but the pacing got weird and I decided to put the rest of Alphys and Sans's story in the next chapter. So it'll talk about how they met and stuff. I've been thinking about Alphys since nearly the beginning of the story. She's a really underappreciated character, but I think she's beautiful. Her character arc is one of the best parts of the game.
> 
> So even though Toriel's still out of contact, Sans finally made up with his fake sister! Hooray fishbones family! :D


	27. Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big shocker, Alphys gave Sans the rubber bands that he's been using to cope for the past like five years or something! In this chapter, they meet and bond, and Toriel is briefly mentioned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The entirety of this chapter takes place is the past.
> 
> I know, the chapter really didnt need to be this long. 
> 
> WARNING: This chapter contains spoilers for the anime Puella Magi Madoka Magica. If you don't care, go ahead, and if you've never seen it then you might be confused but ok.

 “It’s your lucky day,” said the old man, avoiding your eye the way he usually did those days.

“You’re finally gonna take me out back and shoot me?”

He didn’t flinch.  “I’m getting another assistant.”

“Okay.”

“She’s coming in tomorrow.  There’s a chance you may already know her from some of your classes.”  He finally chose to look at you.  “Be nice to her.”

“Heh, what?”

“Try not to scare her.  Don’t be off-putting just to antagonize me.”

“So you’re asking me to not be myself.”

“Fine, if that’s how you want to put it.  Don’t be yourself.  Don’t talk, don’t _breathe,_ that’s what you want to hear, isn’t it.”

“How long do I have to hold my breath till I’m dead.”

“Why don’t you experiment.  Put a plastic bag over your face and come back with the results.”

He rarely said anything like that.  Things that could get him in trouble if it got out.  You liked doing that, making him lose his temper.  You had nothing better to do than push his buttons.  It was the only thing that brought you any semblance of joy those days.

Instead of doing your homework that night, you typed up a full report of your results and handed them to him the next day.  It contained about four pages of the description of the bag, your temporary loss of consciousness (highly exaggerated), a made-up sensation of euphoria, and your unfortunate current state of still being alive and writing that report.  You handed it in, with a proper heading, the date, and the entire report written in comic sans.

He took it without a word and told you to show the new assistant around.  She was short, one of the few people you knew who was thankfully as short as you, and you did in fact recognize her from some of your classes.  It was her hair, the frizzy hair sticking out all over the place that made her sit taller than she was.  She had glasses, buck teeth, and looked, overall, like a conventional nerd.

She opened her mouth, and then closed it.  She looked from the old man to you and decided not to say anything.  She seemed terrified.  You could sympathize.  Seeing as you could read expressions and her face was screaming everything she was feeling.  She was waiting for someone else to make the first move.

“Hi,” you said.  “I’m Sans.  Sans Bones.  Case you're wondering if my name’s a joke the answer’s yes.  Let’s be friends.”

If you weren’t allowed to be mean to the new assistant you’d be uncomfortably chummy.  You held out your hand.  The assistant stared at it and reluctantly shook it.  She stuttered out something, you didn’t understand it, and she nervously clarified that it was her name.  You asked her to spell it.

Alphys.

She wasn’t much up for small talk.  You took mercy on her and showed her around.  You worked next to her and showed her what to do.  She was a fast learner.  Smart, not very social.  You heard she got perfect grades and SATs and ACTs and STDs or whatever.  Someone like that, you thought, really must not care about her social life.  The old man left you two alone once he saw that you weren’t intimidating or bullying her.

Even though she barely spoke, it was a relief to have someone else in the room besides you and the old man.  Helped you relax.  All those hours stuck alone in a room with him were unbearable.  You’d been doing it since you were a kid.  But at this point you were virtually useless, so he needed all the help he could get.

You eyed a keychain on her bag, a figurine with shiny pink eyes and cat ears, and Alphys eyed you eyeing her keychain.  You thought you’d seen that ugly abomination somewhere before.

“I recognize that thing,” you said.

Those four words were the catalyst, and she replied with four more words that began a very meaningful friendship.  “Do you like anime?!” she blurted.

“Uhhh.”

“Ha... haha, of course you do if you’re a fan of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, you...  You like my keychain?”

“Yeah,” you said.  Why not.

She smiled.  It was an adorable smile of pure delight.  “Well, you wouldn’t have seen this keychain anywhere else I think, they’re super rare this one’s, this one’s a special limited edition, I got it at a con last year.  I spent like seven years saving up for that I even... I even made my own cosplay, I have pictures, do you wanna see?”

“Yeah,” you said again.  She talked so fast you weren’t all that sure what you were saying yes to until you were assaulted by several pictures on Alphys’s phone of her in a full Mew Mew Kissy Cutie costume accompanied by two girls you’d never seen before.  

“It’s, um, n-not the best costume, and I know I don’t have the body for it but I...”  She trailed off.  “Well.”  She put the phone away.  “It’s... really nice to meet you!”

“Yeah.”

Your monosyllabic responses were making her lose confidence, but you didn’t know what else to say.  “Did you hear that they’re... m-making a new—”  She stopped talking when she saw Gaster looking over.  She looked down, and you could feel the heat radiating off her face.

“We’ll talk later,” you said quietly.

She didn’t waste a second; as soon as “later” came, and she was out of earshot of her new boss, she began rattling her mouth off.  “They’re making a new Mew Mew Kissy Cutie!” she exclaimed.  “I don’t wanna get my hopes up but if it’s _half_ as good as the first one I’m really really excited to see what they’ll do with Mew Mew’s character arc— Remember how in the finale, there were some parts left ‘open to interpretation’ and it was still unclear which love interest she chose and like, if she might even get with her best friend—  You know some people on the internet said that was _queerbaiting?_  And, and lots of people think it was just fanservice but I think it’s— it’s totally normal to fall for your best friend, especially since Mew Mew’s powers work on anyone whether they’re a girl or a boy—”

“Hold on,” you said.

Alphys paused.  “Y-Yeah?”

“Take a breath.”

She did.  “Why?” she asked.

“Now continue.”

“Huh?”

“Just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t pass out.”

“Th-thanks.  Haha, yeah I get _reeeally_ excited when I talk about anime but once I get going I can just go on for hours, y’know?  I’m just really _really_ passionate about it, and um, hey I...”  She laughed nervously.  “I forgot to ask, what’s your favorite anime?”

“I don’t really watch anime,” you said.

“Oh.  But... you’ve seen Mew Mew, right?”

“Nope.”

“Oh.”  She blinked.  “B-But you... k-key...chain...”  She stopped, fidgeted, wrung her hands, and kept walking.  “H-Have you even... _seen_ any anime?”

“I think I watched a couple of episodes of pokemon with my brother when we were, like, five.”

“Unnnghhhh, that’s not what I mean!  I...  Oh god, I feel...  I’m so sorry, I was... I was totally rambling and...  You...  I’m just gonna, I’m gonna leave now!”

“See you later,” you said.  With a crooked smile, she scurried off.

It might have been less awkward for her if she could just forget you existed, but you, being the ass that you were, made sure to say hi to her every time you passed her in the halls, or in class, now that you could pick out her frizzy head and colorful bag.  As a fellow short person, she was hard to see over the crowd sometimes.  But still, you passed each other nearly every day, and whether she liked it or not, she was forced to work in close proximity to you and do her best to pretend your first conversation never happened.

You didn’t have a lot to look forward to.  You missed home, even though you couldn’t wait to leave.  It had felt like a prison there.  You had hoped things would be a little different once you weren’t living with the old man anymore, but he still kept close watch on you.  And Papyrus was still back there.  You hadn’t talked to him since your hollow goodbye the day you left.  College was its own separate hell, few people here knew you, and you were feeling too lazy to make your usual fun first impression.  Friends were a thing of the past and, in your current state...

Bullying Alphys gave you more enjoyment than it should have.

You wouldn’t call her a friend.  Not then.  Maybe a buddy, and a funny one.  You were glad you got someone interesting to work with.  Not that you were trying to become friends, at that point, you didn’t really care.  Alphys could have hated your guts and it wouldn’t have made a difference.  A year ago you’d have charmed her into being your bestie and pranking the old man into insanity.  But you had nothing to lose, so you pranked him yourself.  He’d tighten his hold on you, but maybe that was what you wanted.  To suffer more.  To force him to show himself as the monster he truly was.  It’d be really interesting, you thought, if you could make him so pissed he’d strike at you.  It was the one shitty thing he never did.

You hung up a bucket of water over the door and waited in the lab for him.  You heard the door open, then a high-pitched scream, and you turned around to find Alphys soaking wet.

“Fucking—”  You ran over.  “That wasn’t meant for you,” you told her.  “Hang on, I’ll find some towels, you can—  You can take my clothes, I don’t care.”

Alphys was too shocked to move.  You told her to wait right there, and you ran to get some paper towels.  When you came back, Alphys was in tears, and the old man was with her.  He comforted her by assuring her he’d see to it that it didn’t happen again.  You gave her the paper towels.

There wasn’t a punishment.  Just a short command to stay for a moment, and once you were alone, he took out your report on suicide by plastic bag asphyxiation and said, “Try sedating yourself and sealing the bag over your neck with a string of elastic.  I thought you’d be a bit smarter thinking this through.”

A threat would have been more satisfying.  You managed to catch Alphys before she left.  She told you it wasn’t the first time that’s happened.  She’d been soaked, she’d been pranked, but hey, this was the first time she’d been pranked by accident.  She wasn’t nasty when she told you.  She just seemed sad.

You went grocery shopping.  That is, you bought a string of elastic to take back to your room in a plastic grocery bag.  You dumped them on your bed, searched for your sleeping pills, and brought out the rest of your pills too.  It’d be the perfect revenge, actually carrying through with it.  Using his method, with the pills he gave you.  Might as well try it.  Why wait?  It wasn’t like there was anything you were looking forward to.

You never said goodbye to Papyrus.

You left the pills on your bed and went to the bathroom to slice yourself open.  You just didn’t feel like it yet.  It’d be the perfect time to, the very night he gave you instructions but...  You just couldn’t do it.  You were afraid you’d live, you’d be found in your dorm room unconscious with a plastic bag over your head, and you’d get a reputation as a suicidal maniac.  If you lived through that, you’d never be able to keep your reputation, you’d never be able to make another friend.  At least you’d probably get to see Papyrus again, he’d be heartbroken whether you lived or died, so...

He didn’t deserve that.

You wrapped up your arm and went to do your homework.  Your right arm was a mess.  It stung, the pain spread to your entire body, and you couldn’t sleep.  Maybe you’d die slowly of infection.  The longer you stayed awake, the more you considered the plastic bag method.

Where did everyone go?  Why did you feel like you were the only one in the entire world when there were people who wouldn’t shut up right on the other side of the wall?  If only you had your trombone with you, you’d get back at them by blasting out Linkin Park covers to express your feelings...

It was a happy enough thought to lull you to sleep, until you had to wake up again two hours later.

Bugging Alphys wasn’t fun anymore.  You couldn’t look at her any more easily than she could look at you.  But too soon, you were forced back into close proximity with her.  No greetings, no _hey how’s it going,_ just wordlessly rolling up your sleeves to wash your hands.  You let Alphys wash first so you could do it more discreetly.  You vacantly observed the colorful rubber bands on her arm until she moved aside to dry off.  You didn’t feel like answering questions about what the bandages were for, but she decided to stick around long enough to watch.  Her eyes burned on your bandaged arm.

“H-How’d you get hurt?”

“Dropped a glass,” you answered.  There were some uncovered scars on your left arm, you wished she’d stop staring.  Nothing could intimidate her more than staring back, so you smiled at her until she tore her eyes away and left you alone.

Your arm hurt too much to grip anything.  Alphys saw you wince and offered her help.  There was a certain softness in her voice that made you certain she knew, she pitied you, and at this moment you regretted not dying before.

She approached you later.  Like you thought she would.  She followed you out of the lab, but every time you turned around, she looked off to the side like she was pretending to go her own way.  Finally, she scurried up to you.  “Hey,” she said in that same soft tone.  “I w-wanna... I wanna talk to you.  C-Can we find— someplace private?”

“You can talk to me right here,” you said.

She stopped.  She looked down and sighed.  “I know what you’re going through,” she said.  “I mean, I d-don’t know why, but... I think we... I k-kind of...”  She stopped talking and instead, rolled down her sleeves again.  Underneath the colorful rubber bands, now that you knew what you were looking for, you wondered why you didn’t see them before.  She had scars, ugly white scars.  Horizontal scars, a couple vertical ones, a diagonal one...  She rolled her sleeves back up.

“Damn,” you said.

“Yeah, so, I— um...”  She fidgeted.  “I have the feeling I’m j-just gonna make a fool out of myself again but...  I just wanted to tell you that there’s—  There’s other things you can... d-do...”  She took a deep breath.  “Cutting yourself is dangerous.  It can lead to infection and, there’s lots of reasons that’s a... a really bad idea, even if you... d-don’t care...”  She looked nervous enough to pass out.  “There are lots of reasons why you should care!  S-See I used to think that... that it wasn’t worth it, but I...  I decided a couple months ago that I wanted to try.  So I took out lots of self-help books and there were actually some things in there that really helped and I actually haven’t cut in weeks and—  Oh god I’m so sorry I’m just... probably making everything worse, I’m just talking about myself...”

“Hey remember what I said earlier.  Don’t forget to breathe.”

She didn’t forget.  She was hyperventilating.  “I can lend you some of those books!  Do you want them?”

“Sure,” you said.

“And...  I, these...”  She gave that crooked smile again, showing you the rubber bands on her arm.  “I use these to... if I w-wanna cut, I just take one and I, I pull on it and, and it really hurts if I...”  She took a gulp of air and slid a couple off her wrist.  She clutched them tightly in her hand.  “Why don’t you take these.”

“Nah thanks.”

“Please, just take them.”  She handed them over.  To be nice, you held your hand out so she could drop the bands in.  “A-And, if you n-need a friend to talk to, I can, I can... t-talk...”

“You sure?  You sound like you can barely talk right now.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Uh, no don’t be.  I appreciate it.  It’s... nice of you.”

Really nice of her.  You let her flee to have an anxiety attack in private.  You slipped the rubber bands into your pocket.  You couldn’t help remembering the way she told you it wasn’t her first time getting soaked, she’d been punked before, probably bullied, no wonder she wanted to hurt so bad.  And being so nervous all the time.  You felt bad then about using her for your own amusement.

Those scars... she must have really wanted to die.  Why did this make you feel... better?  To see someone more pathetic and miserable than you somehow made you feel less alone.

You didn’t feel like the only one in the world anymore, the world now had a population of two.  All the noise, the crowds, the bodies, all the talk that floated around, it all went over your head.  But you saw her the next day, she handed you the books, and you tried your best to sound sincere when you thanked her.  And because you were grateful for the company, you asked her to tell you about the Mew Mew Kissy Cutie anime, because you claimed it sounded interesting while she was ranting about it.  She delightedly launched into another rant.  Those words too went over your head, but she was still there.  Someone who understood.

For a while, that’s how it was.  Papyrus and anyone else you ever cared about might as well have dropped off the face of the earth.

It was just you and Alphys.

☠☠☠

You kind of got off to a rocky start, but a couple months in, you found yourself in Alphys’s dorm room squeezing as close to her as you could get to see her tiny phone screen.  She didn’t have her own laptop.  She couldn’t afford one.  She usually just watched anime on her phone, it wasn’t like she ever had anyone to watch it with anyway.  You could barely read the subtitles, but Alphys was extremely adamant about english dubs being utter shit.

It wasn’t hard to notice that she had shoved everything under her bed before you came over.  Still, she asked you not to mind the mess.  She apologized for everything, including a bra she accidentally left on the bed.  You told her underwear didn’t offend you.  Still, she had treated the bra like a spider as she picked it up and chucked it quickly out of sight.

She sat hugging a pillow to her stomach.  You put an arm around her.  Alphys squirmed and inched away, making squeaky noises in the back of her throat.  “I’m not like, coming onto you or anything,” you told her.

“That’s f-fine—”

“Yeah, you’re just not a cuddler, huh.”

“N-Not really.”

You promised to keep your hands to yourself.  Alphys thanked you.  It was kind of a bummer, the best part of watching TV with people was cuddling up and getting comfy.  But Alphys cringed when you got too close.  Maybe she’d had a bad experience.  You kept your suspicions and decided not to pry.

She constantly looked over her shoulder to check your reactions.  You faked smiles, a couple reluctant laughs at all the secondhand embarrassment you got from Mew Mew, and whatever other exclamations you thought were appropriate.  Maybe shojo anime was an acquired taste?  It was harder to fake your interest once she tried engaging in discussions.  You agreed offhandedly with everything she said.  It usually worked, you didn’t have to do any of the talking at all.

“So,” she finally asked you, “maybe it’s a little early to ask, but do you have a favorite character?”

“Uhh.”  Crap.  “Who’s yours?”

“Can you guess?” she asked excitedly.

“Is it Mew Mew...?”

 _“Yes!_  It _really_ pisses me off when people call her a Mary Sue because she’s extremely flawed...”   _Good job, Sans,_ you thought.  She forgot her question, and trailed off into asking if maybe you should finally get started on homework.  That was a thing now, hanging out in Alphys’s dorm room to do your work instead of staring emptily into a textbook all alone.  Since you started helping each other out, your grades had gotten better, and Alphys’s had taken a slight decline.  It scared her, getting A minuses instead of straight A’s, but it was hard for her to focus when she had someone around to talk to.

It didn’t mean much to you, spending all your time in a girl’s dorm room and sometimes crashing on her floor for the night.  Besides, you figured you were safe with Alphys since she kept muttering _“I’m so gay”_ every time one of her favorite female characters appeared on her tiny screen.

The first time you spent the night was an accident.  You fell asleep sometime around three in the morning and Alphys didn’t have the heart to wake you.  You woke up to a light tapping on your shoulder with your pencil still in your hand and a blanket thrown over you.  It warmed your body, warmed your heart because it reminded you of something Papyrus might do.  Nah, he’d carry you to bed and tuck you in, read you a bedtime story, give you a kiss on the forehead, all the fanfare and you’d get back at him with an equally sappy favor.

She was reluctant, but Alphys asked about the rubber bands.  “I think I lost them,” you said.

“Oh... well, I have more!  Wh-what about the books, d-did you find anything helpful?”

“Haven’t looked.”

Alphys dug through her things and took out another book.  “Here,” she said.  She opened it up and showed you the table of contents.  “There’s a chapter on reasons to get better, and...”  She ran her finger down chapter titles.  “Here’s alternatives to c-cutting, and... I got the rubber band method from the book I gave you, but th-there’s probably some helpful suggestions in here too.  But you, I— I really think you should look at it.”

“It’s cool,” you said to her.  “I haven’t had a uh, spell like that since last time.”  You didn’t need the bandages anymore, you covered the scars up by wearing your sleeves down to your wrists.

She opened up the book and began reading out loud.  She read you reasons to recover.  It gets better, the book kept saying.  Most people who’ve survived depression and suicidality could account for that.  You supposed you believed that, unless all those thousands of people were lying.

Alphys wasn’t like any friend you ever had before.  You hung out with people because they were fun.  You didn’t really know them, they were... kind of disposable.  Sure you liked them, but your relationships never got personal, and after your own brother, Alphys was the first friend you had who knew the first thing about what was going on inside your head.  It was how you became friends, which was uncomfortable sometimes, but strangely, more of a relief than anything.

It took her about a month to notice that you weren’t too into her favorite animes, so she asked what your favorite genres were.  There’s all kinds of anime, she promised, and you coulnd’’t say you don’t like anime until you’ve seen it all.

“Uhh, well, I used to be really into science fiction.”

Alphys’s eyes sparkled and next, she showed you a series about battling robots with too many allusions to sex.  The whole _thing_ was about sex, the stronger the attraction, the greater the power.  The freaking robots looked like they were having orgasms.

“This is comedy gold,” you told her.  “Aw man you know who’d love this?  My brother, the innuendos would go completely over his head.”

“I-Is he dumb?”

“Nah, just really pure.”

Alphys didn’t appreciate the way you laughed at all the parts where you were supposed to cry, but it was hard for you to take dancing gay robots seriously.  “Sorry,” you told her, “guess my sex drive’s too low to have a full appreciation.”

“So magical girl anime’s out,” Alphys said unhappily, “and mecha anime...  You’re a tough customer.”

“Nah I like the magical girls,” you said.  The overacting was entertaining.  The high squeaky voices and bouncing titties.  You needed more of that in your life.

“Because you find them _funny!”_

“So show me a bad one.  So we can make fun of it together.”

“Pff, we can watch any _english dub_ for that.”

Alphys really liked the magical girls.  Something about how they always found love and never gave up on their dreams.  And how kawaii desu ne they were.  Or something.  You tried to convince her you _really did_ like them, just, in a completely different way.  “Cmon, what’s another one that you like?”

“I’m scared to tell you,” she said, “because if you make fun of it—  It, it’s _really_ important to me because, i-it’s like, it’s like a metaphor for depression!”

“A magical girl anime that’s a metaphor for depression?  You got my curiosity.  What’s it called.”

It had a long title.  Alphys showed pictures on google images, of cute lolita girls smiling in frilly dresses.  “Is this a kid’s show,” you asked.

“No!  It’s _definitely_ not for kids!”

“Pfft, how old are you anyway?”

Alphys blushed and looked down.  “S-Sixteen,” she answered.

“What.”  You put down the phone and looked at her.  “Are you serious.”

“I skipped fifth grade,” she said, “b-but I didn’t really have a choice.  And then I finished high school a year early.  It’s a... a long story.”

“No way.”  You reached over and ruffled her fluffy head.  “You’re a little kid.”

“P-Please don’t call me that.”  She pulled away and wrung her hands tightly.  “I got called that all the time and it really wasn’t fun.  N-No one ever took me seriously.  And it also didn’t help that I’m short.  People used to call me a baby and...  Oh god, it was really bad.”

“Heh, you’re not a baby, you’re like, some sort of genius.”

“I’m not.  I just worked myself into exhaustion and near _insanity.”_

“Yep, that’s why I don’t like to work hard.”

Good for you, she said.  She wished she hadn’t worked herself so hard, but when she felt like it was the only thing she could do, every second she wasn’t studying felt like wasted time.  She broke down from studying too hard and from not studying at all.  It wasn’t a talent, she insisted, it was an obsession.  But you watched her work and begged to differ.

She did a lot of snooping around in the garbage.  Every man’s trash was Alphys’s treasure.  When she overheard a student announcing that he was going to throw away his old broken laptop, she got up the courage to approach him and ask him for it.  It was wrecked beyond repair, it wouldn’t even start up, so he gave it to her.  The next day, she had herself a perfectly working laptop with one minor problem— the screen was cracked.  She’d find a way to replace it.  The computer wasn’t even that hard to fix, she said.

You asked why she didn’t become a technician.  She told you it was more of a hobby.

You didn’t know she was so young.  You had younger friends, sure, but to go through so much at the age of sixteen...  You weren’t even cutting then.  She’d already been through bullying, suicidality, and starting the process of recovering, all on her own.  You had to admire her.

You decided to crack open her books.  Maybe she wasn’t just trying to get you to recover because she was worried about you, she might have been looking for a buddy...  You could understand.  Nothing was easy to do alone.  You’d give her someone to look up to.

☠☠☠

You regretted asking the old man what he thought of Alphys.

“I wish she wouldn’t stutter,” he said.  “I can barely understand her sometimes.”

“Eh, she’s got a minor speech impediment, all the smart people have some sort of weird issue.  Aside from that...”

“It’s hard to focus on much else.”

You didn’t know why you even bothered anymore, you couldn’t, everything he said brought up years of resentment.  “Yknow, I don’t get it,” you said.  “All the time you’d say that to me.  That... the price to pay for brilliance was some disadvantage to make up for it.  And ‘cause I had weak bones, you thought I’d, heh, stay inside and read instead of going out to make friends and integrate into normal boring society?”

“What is your point,” he sighed.

“Nevermind...”

“She does what I ask of her, I’m satisfied, what else do you want from me?”

 _You’re satisfied?_ you wanted to ask him.   _That’s it?_  But something stopped you, you didn’t want him to find out for whatever reason that you were friends with Alphys.  After the way he treated Papyrus, you wouldn’t put it past him to use that against you.

☠☠☠

Every time Asgore Dreemurr showed up to the lab was momentous, probably because he was so big he seemed to take up half of the room.  He’d stop by to see how things were going, or just for a chat.  He’d bring cookies sometimes.  That was enough to make you love the guy.  You wondered how someone like him could be good friends with an asshole like Dr. Gaster.  He’d happily show him pictures of his family, showing him how much his son was growing.

“He shouldn’t stay out in the sun too long,” Gaster commented.

“Don’t worry, his mother’s very careful with him.”  He looked up and acknowledged Alphys, because she was staring intently at him.  “Erm, do you want to see?”

“Y-Yes,” Alphys stammered.  She was rooted to the spot, so Asgore walked over and showed her the pictures.

“This is my son,” he said.

“He’s v-v-very cute!  And, is that— that—”

“His mom,” said Asgore with a smile.

“She’s v-v-very cute!  I mean— they’re— th-thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”  He seemed a little concerned.  “Hello,” he said to you.  “Are you Sans?”

“Yep.”

He said he’d heard about you.  You didn’t like the sound of that, even though he said it very warmly.  Like he’d actually heard good things.  And then, it was very nice to meet you both, but he had to get going.  Maybe if you didn’t pay such close attention to detail, you wouldn’t have noticed the gross pit stains on Alphys’s shirt.  But her face was shining, too.  Her hands shook.

“You okay,” you asked her.

“He got so close,” she whispered.

She let loose as soon as you were out of the lab, bursting out, “Is it wrong to wish you were old enough to vote so that you could get the most attractive candidate elected?  What I’m saying is _he’s even hotter in person.”_

“What.  Weren’t you just saying ‘I’m so gay’ yesterday?”

“I am!” Alphys wheezed.  “But also, older men!”

“Older men what.”

“Older men!  With big burly arms!  Oh my god he’s just my type.”

“I thought your type was bouncing titties.”

“MY TYPE IS BOTH!”

“Isn’t there a word for that.”

“YES!”  She grabbed your shoulders and shook them.  “BI.   _SEXUAL!”_

“Whoa.  Never knew you to be that grabby.”

Alphys let go and stuttered out an apology.  You’d been friends with horny people before but Alphys was on a whole other level, sweating buckets around anyone on her crush list getting near her, even when she heard an attractive voice in her animes.  She shared her crush list a couple times.  It got three pages longer every time it updated.

“And it’s worse,” she explained, “when you have anxiety and you’re attracted to pretty much _everyone.”_

“Yeah.  Seems really inconvenient.”

“For a guy,” Alphys said, “you seem well... really chill around girls.  Do you, um, not like girls?”

“I love everybody,” you said with a wink.

“You _know_ what I mean...”

“Yeah.  Do I _like_ like girls,” you said, getting flashbacks to third grade.  “Or, I guess what you’re _really_ asking is if I prefer to take it through the backdoor?”

“I thought so...”

“Welp, you thought wrong.  Sorry to disappoint your yaoi fantasies or hopes for having a gay best friend to shop with, but I’m—”

“So you’re straight?”

“Did I say I was straight.”

“You’re... also bi?”

“I have no idea, honestly,” you admitted.  “I identify as none of those things.”

“Asexual.”

“That’s a thing?”

“Y-Yeah it’s a thing!  They’re sometimes called aces.  I thought y-you’d like that.”

“No wonder I’m so good at card tricks,” you said, smiling.  “I kinda figured it out when I was a teen, I just didn’t know there were...”

“Other people like that?  I... I get it.  When I was a little kid, I didn’t know if I was straight or gay and, I didn’t know you could be... attracted to both.  It was k-kind of a huge relief.”

“Eh, it’s nothing I ever felt like I needed to go to therapy over...  Just got bored when all my friends talked about how great sex was.”

“S-So we’re like opposites!” Alphys said excitedly.  “You’re not attracted to anyone and I’m, ha I’m just...”  She laughed shyly.  “Just horny all the freaking time!”

“Alph, you’re sixteen.  You’re too young to think sinful thoughts, it’s against the law.”

“Ha!  Ahahahaha!”

“Haha...”

“YOU’RE SO HILARIOUS!  Sansy, kids these days have sex at _twelve.”_

“No they don’t.  It’s illegal.”

Alphys snorted.  “Here’s to differences.”

“What’re you gonna toast on, a juicebox?”

Alphys complained that she didn’t have one.  You gave her a Capri Sun and toasted on that.  She asked why you randomly had a Capri Sun with you.  You told her you were prepared for anything.  She sipped thoughtfully and then asked you, “Have you ever thought that maybe... well, depression can make the libido drop.”

“Really.  I don’t know.”

“It doesn’t really... affect mine so much, but...  It could be possible?”

“I guess.”

It wasn’t like that for everyone, Alphys hurried to explain, just a possibility.  But it sure was nice to have a friend she didn’t get uncomfortable and sweaty around, no offense to you, she added, you just weren’t her type, not that was a bad thing—  You interrupted her nervous rambling and told her you were grateful.  Despite not being the magazine cover ideal of conventionally attractive, a lot of people lusted over you for some reason.

☠☠☠

One day, you finally asked why she always sat hugging a pillow.  For someone who didn’t like hugs, you said, she sure did a lot of cuddling with inanimate objects.  Her answer was sad.  She blurted out that when she sat, her stomach folded over on itself.  She didn’t like looking at her stomach rolls.

“Everyone’s stomach does that,” you told her.

“Not like mine.”

“Eh, there’s just more of you to love.  Flaunt it.”

“Is that what you do?” she asked.

“Huh?  What, ‘cause I’m fat?”

“Well...”

“Aside from unwanted comments from certain unwanted individuals about how I’m gonna eat myself into an early grave, it’s...  Guess I could stand to be more in shape, ‘specially for my own health but in terms of confidence...”  You grinned and shrugged to express your feelings.

“So no one ever called you a fat ugly cow?”

“Nah.  Uh, can’t remember actually but...  I dunno, I’d just take it as a joke and laugh with them.”

“I wish I could do that,” Alphys sighed.  “I just... heh... cry...”

“You can’t let ‘em get to you.  People who just wanna get a rise outa you will give up once they realize it won’t work.”

“No they won’t.”  Alphys smiled sadly.  “There are some people in this world who are just... really bad.”

“I believe it.”

“But...  Maybe if I weren’t so sensitive, they’d lay off a bit.  I know it’s my fault for being a pushover...”

“Nah, they’re just jerks.  Ever try making fun of yourself?  It’s actually kinda fun.”

“Oh, all the time!” she laughed.  “N-No one’s better at making f-fun of myself than I am!”

“Uhh...”  You took a look at her, it was true, she was on the heavy side.  You saw what was littered around her room, it was all junk food.  As far as you knew, she survived off of ramen noodles.  “If it matters so much you ever, tried losing weight?”

“Yeah,” she said.  She looked down.  “It was... really bad.  Once I started I j-just, I c-couldn’t really stop but... it didn’t matter.  I didn’t get skinnier I just got, r-really... really tired.  It wasn’t healthy, especially because... W-Well this is kinda personal, but I had just... went through a breakup and, I was in really bad shape, s-so...”

“That’s... damn.”  You sure had a way with words.

“And the worst part is, I-I... didn’t even wind up any skinnier.  Because when I got out of it, I went right b-back to my old eating habits.  But I, I didn’t even realize it was an eating disorder until, m-my friends tried to...”  She trailed off.  “Y-Yeah I don’t... want that to happen again, at least while I’m really busy.”

“Shit, when was that.”

“Eleventh grade,” Alphys said.  “It was... d-definitely the hardest.”

“I think eleventh grade’s just collectively everyone’s worst year,” you said.  “Heh, mine sucked too.”

“Wh-What happened?”

“I got a withdrawal-induced panic attack in the middle of a crowded hallway.”

“Oh my god.”

“Guess it’s not as bad as suffering for months at a time.  Really puts my shit in perspective.”

“I know how that feels,” she said.  Course she did, you can’t think of any bad thing that hadn’t happened to Alphys.  “I-I mean, not p- _panic_ attacks— I get like, anxiety attacks, but usually I can predict those and, f-find somewhere to hide, most of the time, but when you get them in front of other people, that’s the worst.”

You didn’t want to talk about this anymore.  You didn’t want someone to commiserate with, if you told her about any bad thing that happened to you, she’d probably understand.  Even though you were completely different people, it was uncomfortable how closely you could relate.  You got her off topic by asking her about the depression anime.

“So about Puella Mahjong Meduka Monster Menstruation Magic—”  

“Yeah, _that’s basically it!”_

You were curious.  It got Alphys distracted immediately, she asked if you had seen any spoilers, you promised you hadn’t, and she made you promise not to look up _anything_ until you finished.

The first episode seemed dumb, but you kept your comments to yourself and kept watching, and then the yellow one fucking _died,_ and then shit got dark really quickly.  Somewhere along the line you got hooked and you pulled your first anime all-nighter because after all, it was only twelve episodes, why stop here?  Twelve soul-sucking episodes back-to-back, and once it was over and the rising sun poked its soft orange rays through the window, you felt... empty.

Alphys asked what you thought.  You said you needed a few days to process.  She understood.  She was surprised you hadn’t cried at all, but it was hard to explain, you couldn’t.  It was... too real.  You weren’t sure _what_ was real but she was right about the depression themes, you never thought you’d relate so powerfully to a frilly magical girl horror anime.  It sure disguised itself well.  You weren’t expecting that.

While you were processing, Alphys fed you a whole bunch of trivia, names, how good the score was, Yuki Kajiura....  “And like, the character designs were really great and the plot and writing but, I think what really made the anime was the score!  Don’t you think?  B-But, you probably weren’t p-paying attention, you don’t seem like a music person—”

“I’m actually a music nerd,” you told her.  “Yeah the music was... nice.  What language was it in.”

“A made-up language!” Alphys exclaimed.  

Music was something you could talk about since it was the first thing you actually knew shit about, so you discussed it.  Then you asked her first this time, “So uh, which magical lesbian was your favorite?”

You thought it’d be the pink one (like hell you’d remember any of their names) but she prefered the red one, she told you shyly, and admitted, “I also, f-find her kinda hot.”

Seemed her type was a spear-wielding ponytail-wearing angry redheaded lesbian.  And Asgore Dreemurr.  She betted that your favorite character was the demon plushie, he seemed your type, you refuted that....

“Okay so, uh, he was a dick, a really interesting dick but...  Okay something about Hameru or whatever her name was—”

Alphys gasped.  “Your favorite character’s _Homura?!”_

“Don’t judge me but... something about her just hits _really_ close to home.”

“Ha, what, did you _also_ go back in time and reset a whole bunch of times and watch your loved ones die over and over?”

“Yeah,” you said.  “I seriously think I was her in a past life or something.”

That delighted her.  Later she left a paper face down on your desk before class, you turned it over and saw a potato-looking person in a purple frilly outfit.  Was that supposed to be you...?  The lines were too angular to tell, especially the eyes.  Later she confirmed,

“It’s you dressed as Homura.”

“I’m putting this on my wall,” you told her.

Probably your biggest regret in life, aside from ruining your brother’s childhood, and leaving your friend without a word, and insulting her to Undyne’s face, and telling Toriel you were suicidal, was losing the Homusans drawing.  He stayed above your bed while you lived in a college dorm, and you took him with you when you moved to your apartment, but months after you left the Capital, you realized you had either left it behind, or it wound up in the trash, a number of things could have happened to it, but you doubt Alphys still has him.

☠☠☠

“So like, b-besides for being her in a past life apparently, how _do_ you relate to Homura?  You don’t really seem like the Homura type.”

She’d been on about this for weeks.  It was starting to get old.  “I dunno, guess it was...”   _Her transformation from lovable nerd to an empty husk with one singular goal?_  “I dunno.”

“I’m kinda surprised it’s your favorite anime seeing as well, you don’t really seem that self-destructive!”

“What.”

“W-Well, things don’t really... um, get to you?  I mean—”  She shut up for a few seconds.  “They do, but, you don’t, d-don’t uhh—”

You got what she meant.  You were self-destructive, but you weren’t emotional like the magical lesbians were.  She told you she was sorry, she knew you had problems but she admired the way you stood your ground and didn’t let other people get to you the way she did.  She had no idea.  Maybe she realized that.  That you kept it all inside like the purple lesbian to the point where no one could have any idea.  She dropped that and asked how you were doing lately.  You hadn’t talked about your mental health with each other in a while.

You were better, you told her, than you were when she first saw your arm.  You asked how she was.  She was doing pretty good.  You were positive that was your doing, even though sometimes you just made her more depressed.  Your lack of passion made her shut down.

It was hard to explain to her what you were feeling, because she was going through something completely different.  She felt sad all the time.  The picture of what any average person would think depression looked like, closed off, insecure, lonely, but you shut all those feelings out.  Instead of being in agony all the time, you shut off the rest of your emotions and forgot what it was like to feel happy.

Apparently, Alphys got like that too.  When things were at their worst.  But that scared her the most— not feeling anything.  Passion was what she ran on.  When her passion ran out, she felt like she might as well be dead.  So she’d force herself to feel.  That’s why she used to self-harm, she had a whole bunch of reasons, you’d find out most of them eventually.  Either to stimulate herself (you could relate), because she hated her body and wanted to make it even more ugly (you couldn’t relate at all), to punish herself (that you could relate to most of all, though you’d never tell her), you didn’t learn it all right away, you had plenty of time.  A little over two years.

Having someone to relate to didn’t always make you feel better, it often reminded you how fucked up you were inside, especially since she was your only friend.  She tried her best, she wanted to be as good a friend as she could be, but you missed the people you’d left behind.

You missed your brother most of all.

He’d sent you a couple texts since you’d been away.

 

 _*DID YOU ACCIDENTALLY TAKE ONE OF MY ACTION FIGURES WITH YOU?_  
*CHECK IN YOUR SUITCASE  
*I KNOW YOU HAVEN’T UNPACKED YET

 

You didn’t respond.  You didn’t have the heart to.  Since that first time, he’d sent you a few more texts.

 

_*HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?  DID YOU EVER TAKE THAT GREEN THING OUT OF YOUR TEETH?_

_*SANS?_

_*ARE YOU OKAY??  I’M GETTING KIND OF WORRIED_

 

Even the old man intervened.  “Can you please call your brother back?” he said to you.  “If I get one more call from him asking if you’re still alive—”

“Who’re you gonna kill, him or me.”

“I’ll kill _myself,”_ he muttered.  

Instead of taking that empty offer, you texted Papyrus back.

 

_*yeah  
*just been really busy lately_

_*SO YOU’RE WORKING HARD!  GOOD JOB_

 

That was the last you texted him.  You knew he’d text you again.  He wouldn’t just forget about you like you wished he would, eighteen years of being inseparable wouldn’t let that happen quickly enough.  You knew he’d be hurt if you didn’t say something, you knew, you should just call, just call him, it’d make you feel better, you were wondering how he was doing.  You wished you could see him.  You missed his yelling waking you up every morning, his yelling at you to study, pick up your socks, everything about him being loud, everything you lacked.

You’d do it tomorrow, you kept telling yourself.  No time was ever the right time.  He did it finally, he texted you one more time—

 

_*CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE  
*I KNOW YOU’RE BUSY SO IN MY CONSIDERATION I’M LETTING YOU CALL ME FIRST_

 

If only he’d do it instead.  You waited a day with that text in your inbox.  Your barrier was starting to crumble, all the nothing you were feeling was faltering.  You invited yourself to Alphys’s room to try to distract yourself.  She wasn’t much up for conversation.  She seemed... tired.  You couldn’t talk either.  You both sat silently, she did her homework while you looked at your phone.

You weren’t _doing anything,_ why, you asked yourself, couldn’t you just call him?

Your eyes stung.  You blinked.  The screen blurred.  You forgot that Alphys was there, you didn’t care.  Your breath hitched.  A hot tear leaked from your eye.  You took a shaky breath.  Alphys turned around.

“Wh-what’s wrong?”

“I can’t do it.”

You told her how long it had been since you last talked to your brother.  And now you couldn’t even text him.  She’d never seen you lose your cool before, it was what she admired most about you.  But you didn’t even try to hide that time, you just watched your phone and let yourself cry.  Finally, she reached out and took the phone from your hand.  

“Do you— want me to text him for you?”

“Uhh... yeah.”

“What do you wanna say?”

So many things, _I miss you_ and _I’m sorry_ for starters, but you composed yourself and told her, “Just... _‘hows it going.’_  No caps or punctuation.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

You watched her fingers type.  You didn’t want to say anything else for now, you told her.  She said that was fine, maybe once you got started, it’d be easier to keep talking.  Papyrus was like her, in that sense, once he was prompted, you knew he could do all the talking himself and you wouldn’t have to worry.  Alphys gave your phone back and you looked at the message to make sure it looked like you.  It was perfect.

“Thanks,” you told her.

Papyrus didn’t text back right away.  You didn’t expect him to.  While you waited, Alphys asked you what your brother was like.  “Is he... mean?”

“What?  Why.”

“You’re, w-well, scared to talk to him.”

“No, he’s really great.  He’s uh, the _opposite_ of mean actually.  Guess he’s, what I’d call a best friend but, I kinda wrecked his life so I don’t wanna be in it anymore.”

You said it all with a smile on your face.  You were done crying.  “I’m s-sure there’s a lot I don’t know,” Alphys said, “b-but maybe you’re... being too hard on yourself?  It’s... easy to blame yourself when your mind’s not... in a good place.  I think you should, t-try to... be friends again.  It’s... good— healthy to have nice people around.”

“You have any siblings?” you asked.

“N-None that are blood related,” she answered.  You sat up straighter, thinking you might be able to relate to her more than you thought you could.  “But there are two girls back in Waterfall who were like— like little sisters!  I think I showed them to you a long time ago, in th-that picture which... oh god, I hoped you’d forgotten about by now.”

She told you a bit about her friends, they looked up to her for some reason.  She figured it was because she was a few grades ahead of them even if she wasn’t much older.  She used to take them on trips to the dumps to collect cool garbage.

“I should— I should get back in touch with them, too.”

“You want me to text them?”

“No, they... don’t have phones.”

“Why not?”

“They’re dirt poor and need all their money for food and clothes and makeup.  Th-they get it all for really cheap but, they’re— they’re not very well off.  B-But they’re happy!  I wish I could be more like them but holy _crap_ I’m rambling.”

“Not really.  You’re—”  Your phone buzzed.  You looked at it and found seven new messages.  Papyrus’s reply was too long to fit in one part, so the text came in seven.  He gave you a long, detailed response, telling you everything he’d been doing and all the fun he’d been having.  You couldn’t concentrate hard enough to read it all, you skimmed most of the thing but you were glad to hear from him.  It took a tremendous weight off your back, and suddenly, it felt easier to breathe.

Alphys looked over your shoulder and looked away because she was apparently blinded by the all-caps.

“He seems really energetic,” she said.

He is, you told her, she said her friends were like that too.  Full of energy.  Kind of annoying, just like sisters are supposed to be.  Yeah, you told her, siblings can be annoying, you spoke about how often your brother would wake you up, how he’d yell at you a lot, but it was never angry, he was just loud.  You talked about him for a long time until Alphys commented that this was the most words she’d ever heard you string together.  It’s kind of cute, she said.  Seeing that there really were things you cared about.

You asked about her fake siblings and she told you that they were a similar type of annoying.  They could be really shallow.  Not always understanding but... nice to have around.  “But we’re not b-blood related, so I guess it... doesn’t really count.”

“Me and my bro aren’t either,” you told her.

“Oh.”  She giggled.  “That’s so cute!”

“Huh.”

“That you— you c-call your best friend your brother...  It’s...”  She faltered.  “I just totally assumed you were related.”

“We are.”

You smiled emptily.  Alphys was confused.  You told her you were both adopted, she said that was cute again.  Having someone who was like a sibling.   _Like_ a sibling.  You didn’t answer her.  All the affection you felt for her a minute ago dissipated.  Your bitterness must have radiated through your smile, she fell silent.

“D-Did I say something dumb?” she asked.

“Yep.”

She looked like she might cry.  You felt bad for making her feel bad, even though it felt like a slap in the face.  You didn’t know how to tell her without getting emotional, without getting so weirdly possessive like you always did.

You’d been away from him for months now.  And with this new invalidation, it was like you’d been removed from him even further.  Just what you needed, right when you were starting to feel better.

You told Alphys not to sweat it, since she’d never meant to hurt you.  She’d never try to hurt you ever.  She’d learn over time that Papyrus was your family, even with the nagging knowledge that he wouldn’t be if you didn’t drag him with you.

☠☠☠

Halfway through your first year in the unfamiliar hell, you gained a partner.  It was official now, you’d consummated the friendship with a hug.  It looked like things would be better until next year.  You’d started snapping rubber bands instead of cutting.  You felt... accomplished.  After all this time, you were finally helping yourself.

After new year's eve, little things changed between you and Alphys.  She stopped hiding her bras when you came over.  She ditched the pillow and let her body rolls hang out.  She stopped caring when it was only you in the room.  Her room was just like your natural habitat, with random crap and food lying around.

Life was improving.  Or maybe you were just finally adapting.  The old man started getting sick.  You figure now it was because he was spending more time obsessing over his work and less time with Papyrus taking care of him.  You, his pet project, had failed, so he threw himself into everything else.  That was one way he must have thought you two were alike, when he stopped caring about anything else, his health deteriorated.  Or maybe he was just getting old.

Every time he coughed, you felt a little more hopeful.  Didn’t put him in as good a mood, he took it out by snapping at Alphys sometimes.  It would have been nice if he snapped at you, would have been fun to snap back.  But he didn’t, because he knew.  You kept out of each other’s hair for a while.  He got so bad that he took a day off; you’d never heard of him taking a break before.

“Do you think he’s dying?” you asked Alphys.

“Um, pr-probably not,” she answered.  “It’s cold season after all, I-I think he’ll be fine?”

You hoped wishful thinking wasn’t so wishful; with no one to take care of him, he’d keep getting worse, and just maybe, he’d get sick enough to give up.  It was just what you needed for your mental health.  You felt perfectly cheerful, and Alph was the only friend you had to share your cheer with.

You drew ironic pictures for each other.  She drew a chibi you playing a giant trombone.  You drew a tiny Alphys blushing in the strong burly arms of Asgore Dreemurr.  Somewhere in the midst of competing to out-meme each other, you formed the crazy idea of sticking together.

“So coed dorms aren’t a thing, right,” you asked her out of the blue.

“No.  D-Definitely not.”

“‘Kay, that plan’s out.”

“Why?  Were you— thinking of living with someone?”

“Uhh...”

“Who?”

“Your butt,” you said.  You grinned.  Alphys frowned.  “Nah I mean, it’s just an idea but, hey we get along pretty well.  Ever thought sharing a room would be fun?”

“Nope,” she said.  “B-But, I didn’t want a roommate in the first place because it’d be, r-really stressful, I wanna focus on school and not getting to know someone I have to live with b-but...”  She laughed nervously.  “I already practically do live with you.”

“I know, right.”

“Wh-When I said I don’t wanna live with anyone I d-didn’t mean _you_ I meant, when I filled out the... roommate application, but well, like it’s... it’s complicated and...  And it doesn’t matter anyway because I... I’m working on... f-finding somewhere else to live anyway.”  Her mouth twitched.  “I can’t afford to keep dorming.  I- I really wanted to do it for my first year but...  I don’t... I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

“We should get an apartment,” you said.  “I’ll get a job as a street musician and you can fix computers.”

“Ha ha.”

“You think I’m kidding?”  You laughed.  “Now that I think about it it’s actually a good idea.”

You regretted choosing to room alone, you told her.  You’d shared a room all your life, with six other kids before your adoption, being alone was, welp, lonely.  Alphys thought that sounded awful.  She wasn’t opposed to your idea, but she insisted that you wouldn’t want to live with her, she was annoying, she made sure to list all her bad living habits before she agreed to it.  She was too overwhelmed at the notion that anyone would want to live with her.

If you could find a way to pay for it, it sounded like a great idea, she said.

You fantasized about your apartment, dreamed of making the idea a reality, and considered that maybe you were cheating on your brother by getting yourself a replacement roomie.

Hell, what did you have to lose?  While the old man was in such terrible shape, why not test your luck?  After a week of doing your best to subtly act like less of a rebellious asshole, you brought up the idea to him.  What if next year I lived in an inexpensive apartment, you asked, it’s cheaper than a dorm anyway.

“What’s in it for you?” Gaster asked.  “I doubt you’re only thinking about my wellbeing.”

“Heyyy, what makes you say that?  I don’t want you to drop dead or anything.”  You chuckled.  “Nah I just... really hate being around a lot of people when I need my downtime.  Kinda want my own place.”

“I can’t figure out your ulterior motive.”

“I hate people and I’m miserable all the time,” you told him with a smile on your face.  If you acted more like an ass, maybe he’d think it was just you being you.

“Learn to like people.  I have enough things on my mind.”

He started to turn away.  You weren’t ready to give up yet.  “You do this for me and I’ll shut up and stop pissing you off,” you said.  “I’ll do my work and everything.  How ‘bout that, I sell my freedom for a place of my own.”

“Obviously you don’t mind sounding suspicious,” he answered, “but if that’s what it takes, I don’t care.”

“Heh...”  You caught him at a vulnerable moment.  He was finally starting to crack.  You grinned.  “Thanks, _dad.”_

He winced.  The expression on his face, he looked like he had bitten into a lemon.  It was the way you felt whenever Papyrus said the D-word.

You couldn’t believe that worked.  You went and told Alphys the news, she couldn’t believe you actually did it.  “It’s all payed for,” you told her.

Alphys squealed.  You don’t have to do that, she insisted.

“Too late,” you said with a wink.  “Already did.”

Alphys couldn’t believe her luck.  You couldn’t either, the future was looking brighter.  So you’d have to suck up to the old man for the next couple years, big fucking deal, you wouldn’t have to spend any more sleepless nights alone.

She had one last warning.  “I experiment on live animals,” she said.  “I know, it’s weird, but I get this thrill, okay?  S-So, if that bothers you...”

“Everyone’s got their weird hobbies.  That’s, uhh, you’d probably get along really well with my dad.”

That is, if he bothered getting to know her.  You knew in your deepest most accurate instincts that it was Alphys he’d taken interest in when she was a child instead of you, the world would have ended.  She was everything he would have been looking for, smart, ambitious, and... disadvantaged.  Would he have taken pity on her before his dreams of raising the perfect child were shattered?  Would a speech impediment and social anxiety show a display of hidden genius and separation from normal society?

He didn’t know anything about your relationship with Alphys, and likewise, Alphys knew nothing about your relationship with him.  He’d get you a place for one person, otherwise, you’d have to find someone else to pretend to be your roommate.  Would he be opposed to you rooming with Alphys?  You wondered if he’d do it to give in to your offer, or because he couldn’t afford to lose her.  But that didn’t matter.  You couldn’t let him find out.

If you really were cheating on Papyrus with Alphys, then... what would he think of that?  He hated Papyrus’s guts.  He used him against you.  You couldn’t let that happen to Alphys.

☠☠☠

“You never _called,_ you barely even _texted,_ what were you doing?!  I knew this would happen once you started living on your own!  Don’t tell me, you’ve been out partying every night!”

“Yep,” you lied.

You didn’t feel like offering Papyrus an explanation.  Not when he decided to go on like this less than an hour after you got home.  He was angry.  You could understand why.  Being back home for the summer didn’t make you feel better like you hoped it would.  You’d forgotten how stifling it was.  You spent as little time in the house as possible.  Papyrus stopped nagging after a while.  He must have thought you hated him.  He’d ask why you weren’t talking, you said you were tired.

You found ways to occupy yourself.  You took walks, hung out with some friends, ate a lot.  Papyrus found things to do himself.  He played sports, he watched sports, and drove his friends’ cars whenever he could, since his dad never let him take the car alone.  He liked driving, but mainly, he just liked cars.

You didn’t talk much.  You couldn’t think of enough to say.  Over the summer though, you didn’t talk to Alphys either, after you gave her the details of where you’d be living.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk to her.  You were just really bad at keeping in touch.

☠☠☠

You shoved your rusty key into a rusty lock and pushed a creaky door open.  Before you looked inside, you turned to smile at your new roomie.  “Welcome home.”

The place actually wasn’t too bad.  The floors and doors creaked, but it didn’t smell.  Not yet.  It had windows with curtains, a nice kitchenette, and a bedroom.  The only problem with the place was that it was built and furnished for one person.

You’d told Alphys that your dad payed for it, but he didn’t know she’d be living there.  “He’s one of those uh, heteronormative assholes who... doesn’t mind getting me stuff as long as he doesn’t think someone’s gonna get knocked up in the process if you catch my drift.”

“I don’t know,” she’d said.  “I don’t want to go behind your dad’s back, wh-what if he finds out?”

You shrugged.  You said your relationship was kinda distant, chances of him visiting you were zero.  Alphys didn’t like it, but she didn’t have too many other options.  By staying with you, she’d get free shelter.  “I don’t know why you’re going through all this for me,” she’d said.

“It uhh, wasn’t supposed to be this complicated.”

Either way, it worked, and you couldn’t back down.  You and Alphys had agreed to let her take the bedroom.  You offered it, and she accepted without arguing.  You figured she wanted her privacy.  You were fine with taking the couch.  Only problem was that the only way to the bathroom was through the bedroom.  You promised her you’d be so quiet coming in that she wouldn’t even know you were there.

As a roommate, Alphys was surprisingly even more reclusive than usual.  She retreated to her room for hours at a time until you called her out to dinner.

You took care of cooking, when you felt like it.  It was all you could do to get her to stop eating ramen noodles.  You didn’t know too much about cooking, so you improvised.  You weren’t bad.  You surprised yourself.  You tried to cook healthy and cheap.

The old man gave you a monthly allowance.  He told you you could spend it however you wanted if you didn’t mind starving, because he wasn’t giving you a cent more.  He must have thought you would spend it on drugs or something.  You’d take Alphys out shopping and asked for her help finding something to eat.  You scoured the fruits and vegetables isle, marveling at the utter healthiness of it all.  You’d experiment with different veggies you’d never seen before, which was the vast majority of them.  You learned the difference between a cucumber and zucchini.  It was a hard lesson.

You usually went together.  Otherwise, it was hard to get yourselves up to do anything at all.

Part of your agreement (drafted after New Year’s) was that you had to eat one green and leafy thing a day.  Alphys needed less carbs, and you needed more calcium.  You didn’t even have to explain your disability, she saw your eyes and guessed it herself.  And if you were going to force her to eat healthier, by god she’d make you healthier, too.

“How do I look?” you asked her a month into your diet, looking sideways into the mirror.  “Am I a sexy beast yet?”

“Um, y-you’re still on the list of like five people I’m not attracted to.  But I don’t think that could change.”

“Damn, that’s a _short_ list.”  She didn’t get the jab at your height.  “Bein’ on your crush list doesn’t sound too special.  I should consider _my_ self special.  Do I know anyone else who’s on it?”

“P-Probably not.”

“Really?  Not even Dr. Gaster?”

“He’s not bad looking!” Alphys squealed.  She covered her face.  “He’s not... very high up but...  I’m j-just saying th-that if... if we were the only two left on earth the population might not be doomed?”

You dropped to the couch and hung your head.  “Kill me,” you muttered.

“I-I mean— He’s no Asgore Dreemurr—”

“Okay you can stop talking.”

Alphys giggled guiltily.  “I have some really awful people on the list.”

“That’s fine, the heart wants what the heart wants.”

“What about me?  Am I sexy?”

“Alphys, you’re hot as hell.  But it’s safe to say if we were the last two people on earth, we’d have to find a sperm bank if you really care all that much about the population.”

“Who’s gonna help me raise all those goddamn babies?”

“I’ll help you raise the babies.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You’re gonna have to start working that bod to bear all those children,” you said.  Alphys frowned and said this was stupid.  She sat on her bed and opened up her laptop.

“Waaaatcha workin’ on?”

_“Stuff.”_

You sidled up to her.  “Can I see?”

“I’m... I’m making a dating sim, okay?  It’s n-nothing you’d be interested in!”

You were proud of her for working on something she cared about.  You walked into the kitchen to get her a little reward.  A little brown root vegetable.  You returned to her side and smiled.  “Alphys.”

“What.”

“Say ah.”

“Aahhh...?”

You shoved a potato in her mouth.  Alphys gagged on it and spit it out.  “OH MY GOD,” she screamed, “ARE YOU TRYING TO CHOKE ME?”

“What’s wrong with potatoes?”  You picked up your discarded root vegetable.  “Aren’t popato chisps made out of these?  Or are those popatoes.”

“THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS POPATOES.”

“Ha, yeah, I knew that.”  Alphys coughed.  “So these things... they _become_ chisps?  How’s that happen.”

“Ch-check the ingredients?”

You grabbed a bag of popato chisps from Alphys’s bedside table and squinted at the packaging.  “Hmm.  Artificial potato flavoring.”

Alphys took the bag and lowered her glasses to squint at the ingredients.  “Wh... what is that even _made_ of?”

“Uhhh...”

“Welp.”  Alphys tossed the bag aside.  “I’m still gonna eat them!  D-Don’t feed me anymore random vegetables!”

“You hate me.”

“Wh-What?!”

You sighed dramatically and threw her door open.  “Why do you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you!”

“You have to say it.”

“Wh— I like you!”

You grinned and left her alone so you could heat up some frozen soup for dinner.  Alphys was a gem, an adorable gem with a scary libido.  It was a shame that she wouldn’t let you hug her unless the occasion was very special.  She was nice to hug.

At work, you had to be careful not to let any of that show.  You acted as distant and professional as you could.  You didn’t want Gaster to notice.  You felt bad, but it had a poor effect on Alph’s morale.  She didn’t know why you were avoiding her, you told her you were trying to focus and... be more serious.  The old man didn’t seem to think anything was up.  He was glad that you weren’t pissing off the assistant anymore, you got along with her, that was enough for him.

Secrets and lies, you were full of them.  You didn’t tell anyone anything anymore.  The world’s population was now two, but sometimes, you wished it was one again.  Like when Alphys caught you taking your pills.  She looked at the bottles and stammered that you shouldn’t be on that much, it couldn’t be healthy.  She begged you to talk to your doctor.  You told her you were fine.  She persisted, you told her to maybe mind her own goddamn business.  She didn’t come out of her room the next day.

It was one thing you’d have to get used to— her feelings were as delicate as your bones.

☠☠☠

She’d been in such awful shape.  You’d try to encourage her, get her to watch some shows and tell you about her dating sim.  If only you were better at it.  You couldn’t sound genuinely interested no matter how hard you tried.  She told you she wasn’t feeling up to it.  She just wanted to be alone.

You wondered if it had something to do with how Gaster was treating her.  He barely acknowledged her for all the work she did.  You didn’t dare confront him about it.  You had a deal.  You weren’t allowed to give him a hard time.

When you asked her what was wrong, she’d just shrug.  You persisted.  Since the bathroom was off her bedroom, she wasn’t allowed to lock the door, so you waltzed in whenever you felt like it.  More often than not, you found her on her bed.  Staring at her screen.  Not doing anything.

“Alph,” you said, prodding her in the shoulder.  “Alph Capone—”

“What,” she sighed.

“Come out.”

“Wh-why, do you need me to do s-something _else_ for you?”  She sniffed loudly.  You caught a tear leak out of her eye.  “Wh-why don’t you try doing your _own_ homework?”

“Holy shit Alpha Dog, I’m just worried about you.”

“Sorry...  I... I don’t know why I snapped—”

“Yeah, that really stung.”  You meant to say that sarcastically, but with your limited ability to put emotion into your tone, it must have sounded genuine to her.  “Yo, seriously is this just an episode or did something happen?”

“I don’t... I don’t know...  I think...”  She closed her laptop.  She closed her eyes.  “I’m sorry,” she said again.  “I broke our promise.”

“What, did you cut yourself.”

Alphys winced.  “It’s fine,” you said.  “The promise was that we’d try and support each other.  You don’t needa keep a perfect record, one slip-up doesn’t mean you failed—”

“I haven’t been supportive either,” Alphys muttered.  “I’ve been a bad friend.  I don’t come out of my room ever, I leave a mess—”

“Yeah this place is a wreck.  You know what we should do, let’s clean it up, right now.  There’s our activity.”

“The biggest mess is _me.”_

“Nah, you’ve actually done cool shit.  But we could compete for who’s the bigger piece of shit, _or_ we can have fun throwing away garbage.”

 _“I’m_ garbage.”  Alphys rolled over and covered her head with the blanket.  “J-Just throw me away with the rest of the trash!” she wailed.  “I’m a f-freeloading piece of garbage—”

“You come from an underprivileged background and your messed up brain chemicals are hiding your brilliance from yourself.  Take a fucking break or you’re gonna keep self-destructing.”

Alphys sat up.  She tossed off the covers.  “I do need a break,” she said.  “I’m g-gonna go and... b-be back later.”

She wobbled unsteadily to the door.  “Where’re you going?” you asked.  “Can I come?”

“No.  I’m just... gonna hang out in my element for a while.”

“Where’s that?”

“The garbage dump.”

“Ooooh, ‘cause you’re _down in the dumps!”_  It was an inappropriate time for finger-gunning, but you did it anyway.  “Uh, heheh, have fun.”

“Yeah...”

She shut the door softly.  So you’d have to do your homework alone tonight.  Alphys understood without you having to explain, the meds made it hard to focus.  They were supposed to do the opposite.  So she’d usually bend over backwards to help.  And sometimes... you took advantage of that, having her do more for you than she had to.

You wished you could do more to help.  You felt like an ass.  She didn’t need you, she needed an anchor, not someone as unsteady and depressed as she was.  You weren’t a solid force she could grab onto.

She was out late.  You called her phone.  It took you straight to voicemail.  Your mind began to race.  Was she really in the garbage dumps?  Or did she go somewhere else, somewhere to actually take herself out?  You didn’t ask her how long she’d be, technically she wasn’t late, your heart raced, thinking you _should have_ asked her.

She’d been miserable the past week.  She chose to eat alone.  She wasn’t showering or changing her clothes.  You went into her room and picked up her clothes.  You sniffed the armpits of shirts and stuck whatever clean ones you could find back in her closet.  You put the rest in a laundry pile.  You were planning to clean the rest of her room, give her a little something nice to come back to, but your motivation died when you thought too much about the task ahead and became too intimidated by it.

Alphys’s laptop was password protected.  The only other thing you could do to pass the time was take a nap.  You curled up on the couch and waited for sleep to come, but you were too worried.

A couple hours later, the door burst open and Alphys flew in screaming.

“I MET A GIRL!”

You fell off the couch.  You picked yourself up and rubbed your arm.  “Careful Alphonso, I bruise easily.”

Alphys jumped in front of you and grabbed your arms.  “I.  MET.  A _GIRL!”_  She punctuated each word with a violent shake.

“Nice.”

Alphys released your shoulders and sunk down on the couch.  “Ooooh my god, you would not believe what kind of girl I met.”

“Uh, a female one...?”

“Ooooooh, we... we...”  Alphys giggled.  “We talked for such a long time I— I’ve never been able to hold a conversation that long with a hot person, y-you probably wouldn’t understand but... they’re just so hard to talk to and... and HOLY SHIT I’M SO IN LOVE!”

“Breathe.”

Alphys inhaled long and hard.  “Oh my god, oh my god I can’t believe I talked to her for so long, I must have sounded like a total idiot.  I think I forgot I was even talking, I— I w-wasn’t even stuttering, she—”  Alphys took another few deep breaths.  “Okay so, I’m... I’m exactly um, down in the dumps as you put it, like _literally_ in the dumps and I thought I heard someone b-but, I was too busy feeling like garbage to look.  And then...”  She trailed off.  “I won’t... even tell you what I was thinking.  But sh-she caught me and... she asked what I was doing here b-because, not a whole lot of people go hang out at the dump.  And, I um, told her I go there sometimes to clear my mind and s-so...  She asked me what I was thinking about and... and we just started talking!”

“Talking.  That’s exciting.”

“It’s THE most exciting thing in the world when you’re talking to a HOT PERSON!”

“What kinda hot, because the only way I understand that is that she, had a high temperature or something.”

“Oh.  What _kind of hot.”_  Alphys grabbed your shoulders again and put her face in your face.  She smelled like the garbage dump.  “Tall, strong, and I mean she’s— she looks like she could suplex a boulder.”

“That’s pretty strong.”

“But she’s got this _amazing_ hair, it’s— it’s like mermaid hair!  She’s like, a total punk, she had dyed red hair, and tattoos, and an eyepatch, she’s like, a _real life anime character.”_

“Is that your type?  Punk?”

Alphys squeezed her fingers into your skin.  “TALL AND STRONG!  I WANT HER TO PICK ME UP AND CARRY ME OFF INTO THE FUCKING SUNSET!”

“Haa, so what’d you talk about?”

“D-Deep stuff...”  Alphys withdrew her hands again and folded them on her lap.  “Like, what’s out there in deep space and, well, the void, what happens after death...  Happy things!”  Alphys smiled.  “And then uhh, we well, talked about anime.”

“So she’s a fucking weeb just like you.  No wonder she’s perfect.”

“Actually, she’s never seen any anime,” Alphys said.  “Not even the classics!  B-But she’s interested and... and holy... h-holy fucking crap she... she wants to meet at the dump again so we can get together and watch an episode.”

“Okay.  Alph.  Think realistically.”  You touched her shoulder.  She flinched.  You drew your fingers back.  “Will you be able to get through an episode without combusting.”

“If I die, that’s how I wanna go.”

“That’s the spirit.  See, I knew you’d find a good reason for living.  Just wait, in a short while all your dreams will come true.  You don’t need Mr. Dreamy, unless mystery girl’s married.  What’ve we got on her.”

“She’s a junior in high school,” Alphys told you.  “So she’s, heheh... almost my age...”

“Haa, she really is perfect.”

“It wasn’t just... how she looked, though.”  Alphys looked down and smiled at her knees.  “It was... the way she was... so easy to talk to.  And r-really passionate.  It’s... y’know, it’s important to me t-to have someone I can carry on a conversation with, like, have you... ever thought about what you’d want most in a romantic partner?  Not... s-sexually but, someone you could see yourself m-maybe spending the rest of your life with?”

“Never thought about it,” you answered.  “I guess... someone with a sense of humor?”

“Wow!  You actually gave that thought!”

“And someone short I can see eye-to-eye with.”

“That’s no fun.  Don’t you want yourself someone big and strong who can sweep you off your feet?”  Alphys giggled.  “I’m k-kidding, I’m just...  Well, gonna keep dreaming big!”

“Yeah.  Go for it.  Claim your underaged schoolgirl.”

“I don’t think anything like that’s gonna happen.  Wh-What are the chances she’s gay?”

“She’s gay,” you said.

Alphys narrowed her eyes.  “Are you a fortune teller?

“Yes, I am the teller of gay fortune.  You’re gonna have lots of fortunate gay in your future.  Seriously, tattoos, tough punk, she sounds like your average butch.  I can just hear it in your tone, she’s a lesbian.”

“W-We can’t conform to stereotypes!  That’s wishful thinking!”

“Say what you will but I’m calling it now.”

“Well!  Maybe I should start looking for something to wear to make my flesh trash look a little more presentable!”  She blinked.  She stood up and asked if there was anything to eat.  You threw some fish sticks in the microwave and listened to Alphys chatter on and on, and for the rest of the night, and the rest of the month, she kept denying what you knew without having met the girl: she was undoubtedly a lesbian.

☠☠☠

“Guess what.”

“What.”

“She’s gay.”

“Called it.”

Alphys scurried inside and hopped onto the couch.  “Okay so,” she said, “I— I thought it was long enough that I could ask if she was single, so—”

“Did you do what we discussed.”

“Yes!  I asked her if she had a boyfriend.”

“Good job.”

“She laughed,” said Alphys.  “For ten minutes straight.  I’m not exaggerating.  I thought she was having an asthma attack.  I t-tried to give her my inhaler and then sh-she told me—”

“She likes chicks?”

“It was kind of embarrassing...”

“Hey, you couldn’t’ve known just from her stereotypically butch exterior.  You had to probe.  For science.”

“She has two moms.”

“Heyy, plenty of people with _hetero_ moms wind up gay.”

“Hetero... _moms?”_

You smiled and shrugged.  “When’m I gonna meet mystery hot chick?  Aren’t I supposed to like, traditionally meet her and give her your hand?”

“I’ve told you, her name is _Undyne,_ like _undying...”_  Alphys smiled vacantly and sighed her name.  “And like the elemental spirits!  Y-You know undines?”

“Undies?”

 _“No,_ the mythological water spirit creatures!  And it’s not just a totally badass name, it’s— she _swims!_ Sh-she likes swimming and— and her mom’s like really obsessed with water so she named her after a water creature and Undyne’s gonna be an olympic swimmer am I rambling oh god I can’t help it—”

“Calm down.”  You got up to get Alphys a glass of water, because she was sounding breathless.

It was good to see Alphys out of the dumps, but those days, she wouldn’t shut up about mystery hot chick.  She was amazing, she was funny and beautiful, and you started to doubt her for these reasons.  No one was just that perfect.  Seemed like she was the One and Only, until Asgore showed up with cookies one day and she couldn’t shut up about him either.  Then later she fangirled over an anime character’s voice, the one who showed up in the credits as “Mettaton,” no last name given.

“Go for the highschooler,” you advised her, “leave the married guy and the disembodied voice alone.”

“I can... you know... admire them from afar,” Alphys said, smiling guiltily.

“You’re already in the friendzone.  Just work on getting to first base.”

“I don’t like the idea of the friendzone.  It s-seems... selfish?  Like I’m taking advantage of her...  She doesn’t... owe me anything.  Not even friendship.”

She said this, but she got confused sometimes, because several times it seemed like Hot Chick was putting the moves on her.  She reported that one afternoon, she put her arm around her, and Alphys let her, and she was screaming internally the entire time.  And then Hot Chick’s mom embarrassed her by telling her daughter that she’d love for her to marry a career oriented college student.

“Even the moms ship you.”

“Wh-Why would they assume I’m successful?”

“What’d Hot Chick say?”

“‘Sh-Shut up mom,’ I think?  She must have been really grossed out!”

“Orrrr, maybe she’s secretly attracted to you and she’s embarrassed.”

“No!  There’s _no way in hell_ that’s a possibility!”

“Okay but let’s just pretend,” you said.  “Instead of imagining the worst thing that could happen, let yourself dream a little.  Let’s just say.  Hot Chick likes you.  Let’s just imagine.”

“NO!!”

“Let yourself have fun before setting yourself up for disappointment.  ‘Sides, if you don’t prepare, you’re never gonna know what to do when she tells you she likes you.”

You winked at her.  Alphys hid her face in her hands.  “I’m Under or whatever the hell her name was—  Yeah that’s right, I’m the hot chick.  Tell Undone you love her.”

“Don’t do this to me—”

You vaguely knew her personality, that she had this tough girl act, so you put on a harsh voice and said as loud as you could, “Kiss me, Alphys!”

“Whoa, wait.”  She uncovered her face.  “Th-that kinda sounded like her!  Do it again!”

“Cough into my open mouth,” you said harshly.  Alphys blushed and closed her eyes.

“Oh _shit_ that is hot.”

“Ha, really?”  You laughed and put the voice back on.  “I want your body inside my body!  That’s right, I’m going to put every square inch of you inside me!”

“Is th-this really the direction you want to take...?  NO WAIT, SANS WAIT HERE.”

Alphys scurried off and dragged a stool into the middle of the room.  You both needed that stool to reach the high shelves.  “Just— Stand on this!!”

“So we’re doing this all the way, huh...”  You stepped onto the stool.  Alphys scurried away again, disappeared into her room, and came out clutching a ball of red yarn.  She plopped the yarn on your head, then as one final touch, ripped a piece of black paper and taped it over your left eye.

“Okay, I’m ready!”

“Uhh, do I look like—”

“No!  B-But if I pretend hard enough—”

“Alphys my hot babelove, I’m going to kiss you so hard you’ll pass out and die!  And then I’m going to make out with your corpse!”

“C-Can you say... pr-pretend to be serious?”

“Heh...”  Were you even capable of serious roleplay?   _Pretend you’re a very serious and attractive lesbian,_ you commanded yourself.  “Alphys... I have to confess, I find you extremely sexy.  Do it.  Kiss me.”

You grabbed her hips.  Alphys yelped.  “OH GOD, UNDYNE I’M YOURS!”

“Wait, you’re—”   _You’re serious?_  No, you told yourself, don’t break character.  “Drown in my one eye.  Melt in my arms.  I’m going to turn you to puddy tonight.”

“I’M SUCH A DIRTY SLUT FOR YOU, UNDYNE!”

“We’re going to reenact all of our hentais together.”

“Oh, Undyne—  NO OH MY GOD THIS IS SO WRONG!”  Alphys pulled away, buried her face in a pillow, and screamed.

You stepped down from the stool and the yarn fell off your head.  “Did you really get a kick outa that...?”

Alphys groaned something incomprehensible into her pillow.  She picked up her head and muttered, “I’m so gross I can’t believe it.”

The tape came loose and the makeshift patch hung off your face.  “Look, we’re friends, any time, all you have to do is ask and I’ll put on a hot voice for you.”

“No!  I don’t like this!” Alphys shouted.  “I’m just... I’m just taking advantage of her, I can’t keep doing this... k-keep hoping that, something will happen...”  She blew a loud, angry raspberry.  “I’m so dumb.”

“Remember what we discussed, it’s the anxiety talking.  Girl likes hanging out with you.  She thinks you’re cool.  You’re her senpai.”

“She likes me as a _friend!_  And... if we can’t just be friends then... maybe I should just leave her alone b-before... I start getting all... gross and flirty like that.”

“Jeez, we were just playing around.”  You laughed hesitantly.  “Look, half my friends back at home had a huge crush on me and it hasn’t affected our friendship at all.”

“Not everyone’s like you,” Alphys countered.  “You’re... a pretty chill guy.”

“It’ll work out,” you told her.  “Remember your gay fortune.  You’ll have fortunate gay somewhere.”

“Thanks,” Alphys said.  She went to bed for the night.  You picked up the yarn and wondered what the hell happened.  You had fun.  But Alphys seemed miserable.

You waited for her to get better, to get excited again, but she oscillated between excitement and panic.  Finally, one day, she came home in tears.  She collapsed on the couch and sobbed.  Before you could ask her what happened, she begged you not to.  Then she told you.

“She asked me to go swimming with her,” Alphys wailed, “and I said no!”

“Okay, so uhh...”  You walked over to the couch, put your hand out to touch her arm, then thought better of it.  “So you’ll hang out another time—”

“I can’t stand to think of her _looking_ at my body!  I d-didn’t want her to see me in a swimsuit—”

“So uh, wear a tee shirt?”

“I’d have to wear _full body armor_ to cover up all my disgusting scars and fat and—”

“Calm the heck down, it’s fine if you’re not comfortable in a swimsuit—”

“I HATE MY BODY!”

“So you’ll see her later—”

“No,” Alphys cried, “I can’t!  I just lie and _lie_ all the time to her, if— even if something h-happened, I d-don’t want her to find out _anything_ about me, like how— how I get a thrill out of experimenting on live animals, and how I’m a thief and a stalker—”

“What.”

Alphys turned over.  “You don’t even know!”

“Look, I wouldn’t mind, I’ve done shitty things in my past too.  I don’t care.”

“It’s better to just... stop,” Alphys said.  She squeezed her eyes shut.  “B-Before she finds out about what kind of person I am and she hates me forever!”

“Why would you think—”

“Because it’s happened!” she yelled.  “Undyne’s not the first person I liked!  I c-can’t keep going on like this or... or...  I’ll let something slip—”

“Not everything’s gonna happen the same way,” you said.  “And you’re like, younger than average.  You gotta give yourself a chance to get back up.  It’s the anxiety, remember.”

“I can’t...!”

“But—”

“I just want it to be over now!  S-So that, maybe someday I c-can... look back on this, and keep only the good memories.”

“Welp...”  You tried to convince her otherwise, halfheartedly because, in the end, you decided she was probably right.  If the relationship was only making her feel worse about herself, it was probably for the best.

“You liked plenty of people,” you said.  “And you’ll like a lot more.  You’ll meet someone else.”

Alphys heaved.  Your words had no effect.  “Not like her,” she whispered.

☠☠☠

You could be the perfect most supportive friend at home, you could help her through one of her darkest times anywhere Gaster couldn’t see it.  Your friendship extended to helping Alphys hide the body, the very highest tier of friendship as far as you were concerned.  She’d never experimented on anything as big as a dog before.  She needed a distraction, she reasoned, you told her you didn’t need to know.  You buried it in the dump.

Despite your efforts, you noticed him looking at you.  He probably caught Alphys smiling at you.  Or maybe it was your rigidness.  Like you had something to hide.  Finally, he told you to stay behind.  His tone gave you the feeling the end had come.

Alphys said goodbye to you and left you to fend for yourself.  The old man launched right into it.  “What is going on between you and Alphys?” he asked.

“We’ve been fucking each other will all the lab equipment,” you answered.

“All I want you to do is answer without trying to make yourself laugh,” Gaster snapped.  “I _paid_ for you to stop playing these games with me.  People talk, and I hear that you’ve been going home with Alphys every day as far as I know.”

“Ohhhh.”  You laugh, trying your best to play dumb.  “You don’t think we’re a _thing,_ do you?  Ha, haha, nope I just make her do all my homework.”

“Listen.  Your private life doesn’t concern me.  But if you asked me to get you an apartment _specifically_ so you could live with your girlfriend—”

You kept laughing.  “Aw man—”

“I wouldn’t care if nothing could come of it, but if you get her pregnant—”

“No one’s gonna—”

 _“Listen_ to me.”

You fell silent.  He wasn’t fucking around.

“I refuse to have any responsibility for whatever comes of this.  Remember Sans, you could get in trouble with the law for statutory rape.  We may no longer share the same name, but that’ll _still_ fall on me somehow!”

“It’s... not happening,” you said.  “I don’t know how to convince you but... I never had sex with Alphys?”

“Then why did you make me get you two your own apartment,” he spat.

“That’s not true either,” you lied.

“Do you know how easy it would be to investigate?  It’s my place, I could come over any time I wanted.”

While you were wondering how fast you could hide the bras and explain the body pillow, you kept up the lie.  You were so good you nearly convinced yourself.  And you were sure at the end you had the old man convinced too, until he asked Alphys.

He asked almost kindly, “Do you and Sans live together?”

You hadn’t said a word to her about the incident.  Your throat tightened and you expected death.  To your amazement, Alphys stuttered out that the question wasn’t work related and she didn’t feel comfortable with him asking it.

Gaster apologized.  Then Alphys apologized for being rude.  He came to the conclusion that if she was lying, you would have discussed it ahead of time, and she would have said no.  Still, he could easily investigate, any day, you knew you could be royally screwed.

After you left for the day, Alphys freaked out and asked you why he wanted to know.  “It— It’s not his business!  Was he just making small talk?  I d-don’t know, was I rude?”

“Nah, it’s not appropriate.  If you tell him it makes you uncomfortable he won’t fire you.”

“Is it— is there something going on?” she asked.  “B-Between him and you—”

“Nah,” you lied.  “He’s just a dick and I hate him.”

“So... why don’t you just quit?”

It was a reasonable question.  “It’s complicated,” you told her, but you ruminated on it.

You were afraid, probably.  Of leaping out of the frying pan and into the fire, dragging yourself into another horrible situation without financial security.  Could you do it?  Could you live on your own?  Could you wean yourself off all the medication, and escape from this life you had as your adopted dad’s failed project?

It was all procrastination.  But it was about time you let yourself go free, the age of twenty or so seemed like a reasonable point to start living your own life.

You’d keep living where you were living.  And you’d find a way to support Alphys.  You made her depend too much on you.  It was selfish on your part.  You’d find a way to work together.  As for Papyrus...

You’d play it by ear.  He already hated you, you thought, he wouldn’t care if you never came home.  Home, in any case, was in your tiny smelly apartment with Alphys now.  She’d really opened up.  She’d gone from hiding her stomach with a pillow to lounging around in her polkadotted bra when she didn’t feel like getting dressed.

Even better, once you had the old man off your back, you wouldn’t have to worry about her place being taken away from her.  So you told him.  You quit.

You’d been waiting for the day he’d snap and beat the shit out of you.  You surprised yourself by getting to that first.  It was awfully cathartic.  Shame Alphys had to see that.  You would have beat him up longer if she didn’t walk in.

“What _happened?!”_ she asked you later.  “D-Did you fight—”

“Nooo.  Course we didn’t.”

“What the— what the heck was going on?”

“I was about to punch him in the face.”

 _“Why?_  What’s going on with you?  Why’s he— nothing makes sense!  Why are you still working for him?  I t-told you, you should quit!”

“Tried that.”

“Is he _making_ you work for him?”

“Drop it.”

“But— what’s he keeping you for?”

Your eye twitched.  You grinned at her emptily.  “Drop it,” you repeated coolly through tightly clenched teeth.

Alphys faltered.  But she bravely spoke up.  “If there’s something g-going on,” she said, “something... something bad, you shouldn’t be afraid to talk.  I think... you need help.”

“I need lots of help.”

“So what?  There’s nothing wrong with that!  You have t-to— take care of yourself, you know, like you always tell me to do!”

You told her you were trying in your coldest voice.  There was nothing you could do and she wasn’t helping.  She kept persisting.  You wished she wouldn’t.  She begged you to help yourself.  Find someone who could help you, because she never knew what to do.  You were too complicated.  She didn’t get you.  She wished she could help.  Because, she told you, you’ve always been there for her.  You listened even when you obviously weren’t interested.  You care, she said, and that made you worth it.

Encouragement like that might have worked on Alphys, but it wasn’t just your mental health that was making your life hell.  Encouragement wouldn’t kill the old man.  It didn’t help.  But you couldn’t just act ungrateful, you had to say thanks, it was real nice of her.  You didn’t want to talk about your feelings anymore.  You wanted out.

Even though you broke your deal, Gaster didn’t stop paying the rent on your place.  Seemed leaving your homeless wasn’t on his mind.  It was cheaper than the dorm after all, and since he couldn’t get rid of you whether he would have liked to or not, what did it matter?

He was losing it.  He had other things on his mind, but now, again, you were one of them.  Maybe he was even more suicidal than you were.  Like Alphys, he had dangerous hobbies, but apparently what gave him the biggest thrill wasn’t experimenting on other living beings.  He got his kicks experimenting on himself.

His second biggest failure, next to you, left him mute.  It didn’t make him any better, once he recovered, he kept heavier control on you than ever.  A man who was willing to lose his voice for science let you know without a word he wouldn’t hold anything back on you, or your brother.

You both lost your inhibitions.  It was like he was asking you to kill yourself.  So, you decided, for fuck’s sake, you’d make him happy.  Someday.  Every day just... wasn’t the day.  You’d just wait for it to get bad enough.  Then, you’d use one of his methods.  The plastic bag method.  Or the hanging method.  The drowning method.  All the methods he hinted at.

He wanted you to kill yourself more than you did.

☠☠☠

If only you could take your feelings, everything on the inside, and crush it.  Just throw it against the wall, wreck yourself from the inside because doing it from the outside wasn’t gonna change anything.  You wanted to, you didn’t know, reach inside yourself and rip out your guts?  That sounded awfully cathartic.  The closest thing you could do to that was make yourself puke.  Then lie back so you could choke on your own vomit and feel your insides burn.

You made it home and wandered around in circles.  You might as well have been blind, you rammed your hip right into the counter.  Why didn't you think of that before, breaking yourself from the inside was so fucking easy.

You tilted your head back and slammed your skull against the wall.  How hard until it broke?  How hard would you have to bang your head before you got a concussion?  Was it even possible to get a concussion from banging your head against the wall?  You slammed it again, and your most stupid primal instincts stopped you from crashing too hard.  Your body, your nerves, they all hesitated.

You faced the wall like it was your greatest enemy and banged your forehead against it.  Slowly, rhythmically, not hard enough to stop yourself.

After a minute of this stupidity, the door opened.  Your heart sank.  You wished she didn't always insist on intruding at the worst of times.  "Hey Alph," you greeted, slamming your forehead again.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

"Banging my head against a wall because it feels good when I stop."

You'd get a roomie, you thought, one who knew you, so that you'd fucking stop this.  Why did you think there was still hope?  Why did you want so badly to stop yourself from wrecking yourself all the time?  This was a bad idea.

"Ouch..."  She walked over to you.  You wanted so badly to tell her to fuck off, but you don't have it in you.  She was innocent, that's why you hated this.  You turned to her with the biggest smile plastered to your face.

"Wanna maybe do homework or something instead of wasting your time?"

"Are you okay?  I-I'm sorry I asked, that was really stupid!"

"Yeah, it's all cool!"  Your eyes stung and leaked.  "Just lowkey wanna set myself on fire."

"Did you get in another fight with the doctor?" Alphys asked.

"Uh, he's still a dick, but it's..." _You're not gonna break down in front of her_.  "Just a hard day, yknow?"  You sniffed, not daring to wipe your eyes.  Alphys looked away.  You could see the pain on her face.  You were only making her worse.  What were you thinking?  Dragging her into your life the way you dragged Papyrus.  You couldn't stand to look at her.  You looked away, and you stood like that, not looking at each other, hoping the other would walk away first, you thought.

Then, last thing you expected to happen, her body collided with yours and you felt yourself being squeezed tight.

"Heh, okay."  You hugged her back.  No matter what kind of day you were having, you were never one to deny a hug.

"D-Does this help?" Alphys squeaked.

"Yep."

"It's just a bad day!  You'll make it!  We'll do it together!"

 _Sounds like a line from one of your animes,_ you thought.  You moved your hand between her shoulder blades.  This was much more cathartic than banging your head against a wall.  You actually felt all the tension slowly draining out, god you missed this...

Alphys stretched her neck.  You felt her tense up before she pressed her mouth firmly against your cheek.  She planted a loud smooch and stepped back.

You blinked.  She left you standing stock-still, staring at her like an idiot.  Finally, you smiled again.  "H-Heh, what was all that BS about not bein' a cuddler?"

"W-Well..."  She looked around, right and left.  "I get in w-weird moods sometimes!"

"Okay."

"Don't get confused!  That was a platonic smooch!"

"Those are my favorite smooches," you tell her.  "Thanks.  Mind if I return that sometime."

"Y-Yeah, just, ask me first if you don't mind."

"Noted."  You laughed.  "Haaa, thanks, I really needed that."

"I think I did, too!"  Alphys smiled brightly.  "See!  We're already feeling better!  This is just another stupid bad day!  Let's go and um... wanna waste twenty minutes and watch some anime?"

"I love wasting time."

"Good!  Y-Yeah, let's... you can pick."

Those were some of the best twenty minutes you wasted, cuddling on the couch like you would with your old friends.   Your cheek still felt warm.  Weeks later, you still felt your roomie's platonic smooch there, and when things got really bad, it suddenly heated up again.  You were just imagining things, but it was nice to know.... Nice to know she really cared.

You'd hear that voice telling you you were dragging her down, that it was a one-sided relationship, but that was the voice of bullshit, Alphys's voice reminded you.  She knew.  You trusted her.  It didn't matter as much that the old man's expressions told you he wished you'd do everything to yourself that the depression told you to do, you wouldn't, just to spite him.  You'd wait till he was dead.

You couldn't take a razor to your skin, because you were going to fight with Alphys.  You two were on the same team.  A point lost for you was a point lost for Alphys.

It lasted for a while.  You could get through everything with a smile on your face, because you had a true friend who might have even loved you.

She stayed with you after you left her.  You saw her in the rubber bands every time you’d put down the razor.  You’d hear her voice telling you to get better.  She was always there. 

You were partners till the end.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls comment i beg of you this chapter was 50 pages and I'lll//// update the description tomorrow bwcause im on slepign pills and i rshouldnt be awake thank you guys good night
> 
> UPDATED NOTES: If I could ask for any piece of fanart from this chapter please let it be Homusans. Why did I take like 5 pages to derail from the story and talk about PMMM? Because I can. It's my story. I do what I want. If Sans is Homura and Flowey is Kyubey and Undyne is Kyoko, in my very humble opinion Papyrus is Mami and Sayaka is Frisk-- WHY you ask??? bc sayaka started out as a hero of justice and then lost it and started gettin crazy with a knife and fuck me if i cant see frisk in that outfit goin grimdark and doin that.
> 
> Next on Sans Reacts to Magical Girl Anime: sans watches Princess Tutu. In my next fic, maybe.
> 
> Hats off to all the asexuals who have to deal with their horny friends on a daily basis.
> 
> AND DAMN ALPH WAS THE ONE WHO GAVE SNAS THE RUBBER BANDS??? COULD THIS BE WHAT I'VE BEEN FORESHADOWING FOR HALF A YEAR AND 12 OR WHATEVER CHAPTERS WHO NOTICED THIS WHO WAS LIKE OH DAMN also sans got someone with a sense of humor but not short lol IRONY


	28. Hello From the Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans decides to stop being a chicken shit and finally call Alphys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HEARD THAT SONG AND I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF OK

You'd decided to stop being a chicken shit and call Alphys.  But even with the new number Undyne gave you, she's still not picking up her damn phone.

She doesn't even have her own voicemail message, it's one of those default automated ones.  You can just hear her in your head trying to record herself and giving up.  Did Undyne give you the wrong number to punk you...?

"Please leave a message after the tone," says a fake voice that isn't Alphys's, and the tone beeps in your ear.

"Hey, Alph," you say casually, as though you just saw her yesterday, "it's me, Sans..."  This doesn't sound enough like you.  "Left you a message a few months back, said 'call me, number's the same.'  Not sure if you got that but 'case you didn't, yeah.  My number's the same.  So uh, call me back."

You almost want to cancel that message, but you're done hiding behind your own shadow.  You have to call a second time just so you can get sent to voicemail again and leave another message.

"Oh yeah and Mew Mew Kissy Cutie still sucks."

You wait a few minutes, and, as you expected, she doesn't call back.  But she hates calling people, talking on the phone gives her really bad anxiety, so you figure you'll just have to wait for her to pick up.  So you call again, and let her know she can text you if she's anxious about calling back.  But she should know this already.  She shouldn't be scared of you.  She wasn't scared of you, until she watched you laugh while her boss melted.

So she's probably terrified of you now.  You decide not to call again, you don't wanna overdo it.  You put your phone in your pocket, just in case, and push your door open.  You don't want to spend the rest of the night lying in bed staring at your phone.  It's unhealthy.  You know how much it made Toriel freak out to wait for your responses.  You think you're starting to develop some kind of phobia yourself.  Phones are scary, instant messaging is scary, face-to-face interactions are the only way to go anymore.  They don't make your heart race.  You know what to expect when the person you're interacting with is right in front of you and you can see their face.  You've missed that.  You miss Toriel.  You miss Alphys.  You miss everyone in the world right now.

You spot Papyrus downstairs on the couch watching a quiz show.  You pad down the stairs and sit yourself next to him.  You curl up and wrap your arms around him.

"Nice to see you out of your room at this hour," Papyrus says, putting an arm around your shoulders.

"I love you bro."

Papyrus cranes his neck to look at you and raises one eyebrow.  "Are you... okay?"

"Ughhh..."  You fold your legs and squeeze tighter.  The hug ban's over.  You're gonna spend the rest of your natural life taking advantage of that.  "Alph's not picking up."

"Maybe she's busy?"

"Undyne said this is the best time to call her."

"So... try tomorrow at this time!"

"I don't... even know what to say to her.  It's been a really long time, yknow?  Think she even wants to talk to me?"

"Undyne seems to think it's a good idea!  If I'm ever not sure what the correct decision is, I always go with what Undyne says."

"If she told you to jump off a cliff—"

"We did that in May!  It was terrifying.  We had a blast!"

"What should I do," you say.  

"How about... when she answers, say in a hot voice, _Alphys,"_ he grins like an idiot and goes on in what sounds like a weird and cringey imitation of Mettaton, "it's me, your old pal Sans.  How _are_ you?"  He winks.

"How do I wink over the phone?" you ask.

"Make it an audible wink!"

"Ok."

"Practice the hot voice."

"Nah, uh, I don't think that's the best idea, don't think she'd wanna be reminded of that one time."

"What... time?"

"The time I roleplayed as Undyne and put on a sexy voice for her."

Papyrus puts his eyebrow back up.  "What."

"Fun times."

"That's a good idea," Papyrus says, "why don't you just ask Undyne for help?  Ask her to call Alphys for you!  I'm sure she'd love to do the hot voice."

"Nah, I don't wanna pressure anyone.  This is between me and Alph.  And... I think Undyne would agree.  It'd just feel forced if she intervened.  It'd make Alphys even more uncomfortable."

"Well then, I'm all out of ideas."

"You're not taking this seriouslyyyyy," you whine.

Papyrus apologizes, even though he really doesn't know what to say.  He still tries, and his suggestions get even more ridiculous than seducing Alphys into a conversation.  He asks if you've left a message.  Papyrus says that you shouldn't be worrying this much, you should wait until tomorrow, but, he suggests, it's probably this whole ordeal with Toriel that's made you anxious.  You agree.  That's definitely it.  Or maybe five or so years (give or take) of zero communication with your ex bestie.

He helps by being a fellow cuddle bug, which is honestly all you need right now.  Pap's great for that.  Whatever happens, you'll always have him.  You don't have to worry about him not liking you, you've worried before, you've worried all your life up until...

 _I already like you enough for the two of us,_ he'd said, _and when you learn to like yourself again, I'll still like you twice as much._ Since then, it's been hard to doubt that even when things got bad, even when he was pissed at you.  Even if you managed to screw up worse with him than you did with Alphys, he'd probably feel the same way.  So he messes up sometimes too, you get that now...  He's great, but he's human, like you.  He screws up.  Somehow, you appreciate him even more knowing that.

You don't know why your brain is getting so deep.  Probably after all the heightened emotions of today.  After baring your soul and admitting your sins to Undies.  You're exhausted, but at the same time, you know that you'd better ride this emotional momentum until it runs out and you close yourself off again.

Fuck it, you're already getting tired.  You fall asleep right on the couch and wake up later to find yourself being repositioned.  Papyrus is standing over you, looking like he's about to lift you up.  "Were you gonna carry me to bed," you mumble.

"Yes.  Because I'm proud of you."

"Heh..."

"But since you're awake—"

"No I'm not."

Papyrus grumbles about how this is the last time he’s doing this, and you snore deliberately into his shoulder as he heaves you up the stairs.  Before he goes to bed, he asks if you're okay.  You weren't expecting that.  You tell him you're working on it.  Today's been overwhelming, but you think after a good night's sleep and a few naps, tomorrow you'll be better.

You fall asleep with your phone still in your pocket.  When Papyrus's yelling outside your door wakes you up, you check your phone and find...

Nothing.

You hate yourself so bad.  Was that entire emotional display yesterday all for nothing?  How many times are you gonna have to embarrass yourself until you can fix anything?  You taste bile.  Your body's overreacting.  You wish you could yell.

Papyrus bursts in and you tell him you're getting up.  He leaves you alone to get dressed, and once you've thrown some new clothes on, you whip your phone back out and call Alphys's number again.

"Hey, look," you tell her once you get sent to messages again, "normally I'm not this desperate, but I've uh, had this happen a lot lately.  I kinda just went through what you might call a breakup and, it's uhh, not fun.  I don't wanna never talk to you again.  I, heh, fucked up pretty bad.  So, I'm sorry.  But like I can find out where you live so I'll talk to you sooner or later, 'kay?  Bye."

You can get her address easily.  Tell Undyne you want to send a letter.  Unless Alphys tells her first, tells her she's scared of you, and she'll refuse.  She wouldn't be easy to track.  Oh well, she doesn't know that.  You're satisfied leaving things like this.  She can't stay silent forever.  You have Undyne on your side.  Kind of.  For now.

You feel a bit better.  You drink the milk Papyrus gives you and tell him, "The rubber bands were a gift from Alphys."

He looks at you quizzically.  "Huh?"

You roll up your sleeve.  "Dunno why I felt like telling you that...  Just, think I keep too many secrets."

"Well, no wonder you want to talk to her again.  And, I guess, because you were friends, rubber bands or not?"  He stares at your wrist some more before you roll your sleeve back down.  "She seems really nice.  I hope someday I can meet her offline."

"Yeah... you've seen her blog, haven't you?"

"Plural blogs!  I've talked to her a couple times!"

"Oh.  Wow.  Welp, hopefully I'll get to talk to her too."

"Make an online account!" Papyrus suggests.

You don't think that's a bad idea.  You think about it while you work, until you come home and evening arrives again.  You wonder if you should call again.  You decide not to.  Suddenly, your phone buzzes.  Your heart leaps.

 

_*Did you call her yet????_

_*nah she wont pick up_  
_*but uh_  
 _*dont do anything k?_  
 _*at least not yet_

_*Okay.  I get it  
*You'll get through to her eventually!!!_

_*thanks_

 

You snap a rubber band.  Your heart twinges.  You owe Alphys for everything.  And she doesn't owe it to you to talk to you if she doesn't want to.

☠☠☠

_Mmm watcha saaayyy~~_

With your luck it's probably Undyne.

_Mmm that you only meant well~~_

Or maybe it's Toriel?

_Well of course you did,_

Yeah, like when you lose your keys and you find your missing wallet instead...

_Mmm watcha saaayyy~~_

Nope.  It's her.

_Mmm that it's all for—_

_*click.*_ "Moshi moshi motherfucker."

You pause.  The other line is silent.  Finally, you hear a metallic intake of breath.  "Sans.  Hi."

"Wait, lemme do that over.   _Hello,”_ you sing, _“it’s me~”_

"Why did you call me?" Alphys's voice asks.

Her voice sounds surreal.  It takes you too long to remember this is real and you reply, "I uh, wanted to talk to you."

"I don't."

"What."

"I don't... want to talk to you," Alphys says.

You sigh.  "Figures..."

"L-Listen, I called you back to tell you, I hate you."

You shut your eyes.  You choke back a laugh.  "I understand," you say.  "I'd hate me too."

"Yet... strangely... it's because of you, that... That I was forced to become a better person.  So, despite all that, I... have to thank you."

"Uhh..."  How do you even respond to that?  "How so...?"

"Back... back when we made that deal, when we agreed we'd support each other...  And then you— you really kept your end of it, yknow?  When I was living with you, I thought I owed you my life.  That I... couldn't do anything on my own."  She sighs.  "But... since you suddenly vanished, I didn't have any choice but to take control and get myself back on my feet.  And, I did it.  I did it all on my own.  So, fuck you, for making me think that I needed anyone but myself."

She barely stutters, but her voice is shaking just a bit.  You can see her face behind her words.  There's... no malice behind them.  Only sadness.  You just know, she has on that sad smile.  You're ready to say you're sorry when she continues.

"It would have been... a nice lesson to learn without being left with trust and abandonment issues.  It's really hard now to believe that— that anyone will stick with me ever again.  But... at least, now, even if I'm clingy and annoying, and scared all the time, at least I'm... independent."

"You're... you've always been independent, Al—"

"I'm glad you're happy," she interrupts.  "I c-can't even tell you how much I hate you, but... whenever I heard about how great you were doing, I don't know why, but I felt really proud!"

"Me too, but... look, it hasn't been all that great.  It's been pretty horrible sometimes."

"No," Alphys mutters.  "You have your family.  You have friends, okay?  People— people like you!  You'll never be a fuckup like me."

"I am a fuckup.  I fucked up with you.  I've fucked up so much—"

"Not like me!"  Alphys takes a breath and continues on in a softer tone.  "I _am_ really happy for you.  And... I want you to stay that way, okay?  Don't even think about me.  I know, you're better off now that you're with your family and... you don't have to deal with me anymore.  Why would you make things harder on yourself?  Just... keep forgetting about me."

You swallow hard.  You taste tears in the back of your throat.  "You... heh, you sound... a lot like me, how I thought I few months ago.  I don't wanna forget about you.  I never did, welp, that's uh, not true.  I forgot about you for like, a month, okay?  But, I didn't just up and leave because I couldn't stand you.  That's seriously not it at all.  It was a very specific set of circumstance that worked against everyone's favor and led us all to where we are today.  Think you deserve to know at this point."

"You don't need to make up excuses," Alphys says.

"Nah I need to let you know.  Had nothing to do with you.  So..."  You wrack your brain, trying to remember exactly what happened.  "So, the old man died, right?  Yeah he died."

"He's definitely dead."

"Yep.  Can't get any deader.  So uh, I was in a... not fit to come home state.  A week after that, I wound up in the hospital.”

“Oh,” Alphys mutters.

“Remember all those pills I was taking?  So I... stopped taking them all at once and, it was bad.  Yeah.  Went into withdrawal and... even once I got out of the hospital, I...  Welp, I wasn’t okay.  You were uh, yeah for that month, _really_ better off without me around, I promise.  After the doc died I kinda snapped.  So my brother had to put up with that instead of you.”

“But....  Where did—  I mean that’s— th-that’s really bad and—”

“Save all awkward and halfhearted apologies till the end of the backstory.  Feel free to ask questions before delivering the sympathy.”

“Okay...  Where did you go?”

“I left the Capital,” you say.  “Soon as I could.  I... yeah, during that time I kinda forgot about you because...  I was in such bad shape.  So, yeah once I moved, I guess I got no excuses.  Nothing to say for myself, I was an ass for not contacting you.  I got my reasons but no excuses.”

“Go ahead,” says Alphys.

“The Capital was bad,” you explain.  “First step was getting the hell out of there but, had to get out of it mentally too.  And... welp, I’m sorry I wound up... leaving you behind with everything else.”

“So... that was it?  I was just... part of the background?”

“No, you were part of everything.  Look, even _I_ was part of it.  But I couldn’t get out of myself even if I tried.”

“I get it,” she sighs.  “I don’t know, I-I’m not sure what to... to...”

“You don’t have to forgive me, ‘kay?”

“No, I just... I _get_ it.  I... I wished I could get out, you don’t even _know_ how bad.  And... I wanted out so bad I almost... did something cowardly.

"I called you," you say.  You wanted to fix things, this isn't working.  "Seriously, I promise, it wasn't because of you.  Once I was back on track I tried checking in with you, but...  What happened, did you change your number?"

"Yeah."

"That's uh, wasn't because of me, was it?"

"Wha—  No, no it wasn't because of you!  Oh god I don't even want to talk about that..."

"What."

"I had people I didn't want," Alphys says breathlessly, "trying to get in touch with me.  It wasn't you.  I wasn't even thinking of you."

"Pfft, who forgot about who?" you snort before you can stop yourself.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Sans—"

"Uhh, heh, no need to be—"

"I can't—"

"Calm down.  Deep breaths."

You hear her panting on the other end.  It's like you're back home with her, trying to get her breathing under control.  But there isn't much you can do over the phone, you can't bring Alphys her inhaler or breathe with her or... touch her if she'd let you...  "You uhh... want me to call you back?"

"No.  I'm not running away anymore."

"I don't wanna stress you out—"

"No.  I think I've— I've _needed_ to talk to you b-but I was too much of a fucking coward to call."

"Welp.  So was I."

"I still have your number memorized."

"We don't... needa argue about who's more at fault, you didn't do anything wrong."  Was she always this bad?  Did you make her like this?  "Alph...  After I left, where did you go?"

"First, I waited," Alphys says.  "I kept waiting for you to come back, at least t-to pick up your clothes.  I was really hoping you'd come back for your stuff but..."

"Is it all gone?"

"Of course it is.  I... gave it all away.  I mean, I didn't know where to send it!"

"Eh, it's cool.  So, after that—"

"When the month's rent was up," she continues, "Asgore heard about my situation and... well, he..."  She takes another breath.  "He knew... kind of about what was going on with me and, before the rent was over he... he offered to let me stay at his house until I was back on my feet.  I didn't want him to have to put up with me, but... at the end of the month I couldn't manage to find another place to live.  So I... didn't have any choice.  At all.  So... I got to stay with the Dreemurrs for well... a while.  Asgore's... He's a good guy," she adds, without a trace of lust.

"Yeah," you mindlessly agree.  "And a real sexy beast."

"No, he's just— a great person in general!  While I was staying there we, we talked and... when he got to know me, he thought of me maybe... taking over the doctor's job someday.  Mrs. Dreemurr was against it—"

"She's not Mrs. Dreemurr anymore," you interrupt.

"I guess..."

"Sorry.  Keep going."

"Well, she said I was too young.  But... then she left and, the rest is history.  There's a lot that happened in the last few years, I don't— I don't think I can summarize it."

"It's okay.  I've been following by eavesdropping on Undyne.  Heh, she talks about you a lot.  She even noticed I was listening after a while.  I kinda creep her out."

"Yeah, I know."

"She probably doesn't talk about me s'much as she talks about you."

"No, but... she talks about your brother a lot.  And I'd been hearing lots of bits and pieces about you without knowing it was you."

"Good things?"

"S-Sometimes.  There've been lots of good things lately.  It... made me happy but... also sad."

"Welp, hearing about the good stuff that's happened to you just made me happy.  Always knew you'd wind up successful.  Heh, yknow what I do for a living?  I sell hotdogs."

"It's not a bad thing, if you're happy!"

"It's... not that simple."  You sigh.  "But... anyway I'm just...  It's good to hear you, yknow?  After hearing about you all these years and catching whatever info I could.  But if I could do my life over and redo one thing, it'd be..."  Wait, would it really be this?  For Alphys's sake, yeah, sure.  "I'da made sure to let you know I wasn't dead after that ordeal.  And, made sure you weren't either."

"Did you really call me?" Alphys asks.  "When...?"

"I don't remember.  Once there wasn't too much going on.  Then I tried sending you a message but... I don't think you got that."

"Why didn't you try looking me up in the Capital?"

"The fuck, you don't even live in the Capital anymore."

"Well... STILL!  If you really cared, why— why did you decide to call me now?  I bet you heard... you heard about what I almost did."

"Yeah," you admit, "vaguely.  Heard you... weren't doing good.  Didn't know if calling would make things worse or better."

"I didn't want you to know.  She didn't tell you, did she?"

"Huh?"

"Un... Undyne."

"Not really.  I pieced together some vague hints when she said something about an 'emergency in Hotland.'"

"I'm sorry," Alphys's voice chokes out.  "I'm— not as strong as you..."

"Bullshit."

"It's not your fault I'm like this," she adds.  "So d-don't blame yourself, even if I..."

"You still hate me?"

"I don't know.  I shouldn't have said that."

"Alphys, I cordially invite you to come to my house right now and punch me in the face.  Think it'd make us both feel better."

"What would that do...?  I don't even _know_ what I want to do."

"Scream at me?"

"You're an asshole," Alphys says, "you've always been an asshole.  You— You're scary, and a terrible friend, umm..."

"Keep it coming."

"You're just terrible.  I'm worse, but you're still terrible."

"Yeah, I suck," you agree.  "Heh, if you need fuel for that fire, remember that message I left you a few months ago?  I still mean it.  I mean that more than anything."  Mew Mew Kissy Cutie really did suck, you weren’t just saying that.  You meant it with all your heart.

You wait a few seconds.  The line almost seems to go dead.  There's silence on the other end, but Alphys hasn't hung up yet.  Suddenly, you hear something that sounds like a light chuckle, or sobbing, you can't tell.  She lets out a collection of ugly snorts.

"Uhh—"

"FUCK YOU FOR THAT!" Alphys screeches.  You drop your phone.  You pick it up.  You hear Alphys screaming with your ear a foot from the receiver.  She calls you all sorts of names and rants about your horrible taste.  Finally, she stops.  You tentatively put the phone back to your ear.  "I uh, t-tried screaming...?"

"Wow."

Alphys snorts again.  "Yknow... I didn't know if I'd ever hear from you again, but I knew...  It's like, I'd been waiting for that message for _years._  I knew, if you ever showed up back in my life, it'd be like that."

"Undies wanted to kill me."

"I... don't know why, but... I thought it was kinda sweet."  Alphys pauses.  "It made me really angry at first but... when I thought about it, it was like... you were telling me a whole lot of things.  And maybe I was overthinking, but, it was...  It was a huge relief to learn you'd never changed."

"Once an asshole, always an asshole...?"

"And that you were doing well enough to crack bad jokes."

"Izzat what made you think I was doing so good?"

"W-Well, you know me, I look... _way_ too deeply into things.  It sounded like it.  That... despite everything, you were still you.  And..."  She trails off.  "You... remembered everything.  Like I was still your friend, even after all this time.  You... I guess you really did try.  It's more than I ever did.  I never even tried to find you once I moved into the Dreemurrs' house.  I just... felt so useless.  I couldn't save my own boss.  I f-felt like, a total piece of garbage, that anyone could just throw away whenever they wanted."

"That part's gotta by my fault."

"Yeah.  I have to admit, it is."

"Welp, if there's anything I can do about that—"

"There's nothing."

"Heh, thought so."

"You don't have to worry about making anything up to me.  We've got our own lives now, okay?  So, you don't need to do this just to ease your conscience.  I know, I wasn't that important in the first place.  I'm just... I just drag everyone down.  My girlfriend can't catch a stupid break with me still around.  You don't need that, too.  Just... keep living your life.  Keep cracking jokes and stuff, okay?  I don't wanna drag you down again."

"Alph, you didn't drag me down, you lifted me out of the pits of hell.  Look, I didn't call you to say goodbye.  I called to say thanks."

"For what...?"

"For what, god where do I start...  Welp, first off, putting up with me.  Always felt like... I was the one dragging _you_ down.  But, you've done, _really_ the opposite.  I was drowning.  Probably woulda died in a few months into my first year at college if I didn't meet you."  It's good old oversharing time.  You grit your teeth and try to think of words.  You can't.  "Think I should show you.  Gonna send you a picture.  Hang on."

You put the phone on speaker, pull up your sleeve, and snap a picture of the rubber bands on your arm.  You send them to her, hearing your heart pound in your ears.  You wait a few second.  "Did— Did you get that?" you ask.

"It's loading."

You wait a few more seconds until she utters a soft, "Oh."

"Most of the old ones've cracked," you say, "but I still got a couple of the originals somewhere.  Been using these the whole time, and I haven't cut since.  I don't— Don't know what else you've done, but, no matter how bad you think it is, you— you saved my life, Al."

You pace around the room.  There's really nothing more you can say.  Welp, there is, but nothing's gonna let her know how you feel.  You can't put it in words.  Or pictures, or metaphors.  You feel too much of it.  You're not good at containing this emotion.  You're too small to hold all of it, you expect to burst.

Alphys does first.  She bursts.  You hear her voice shudder, she can't speak, she just sobs into the phone.  That makes it easier on you.  She releases your feelings for you.  You give her a while.  She keeps trying to talk, stuttering out a few syllables, and gives up.  You sit down.  You close your eyes and let the sound of her voice wash over you.  It's weird, but you've missed her crying.  She cried over everything.  Books, comics, shows, stress, happiness.  That's just Alph, purely emotional.  Feeling everything you couldn't.

"I'm glad—" she finally chokes out, "that I managed, to not screw up once—"

"Heh, it's... not like I invented the cure to cancer or anything, but I guess I'm glad I'm not dead."

"Me too."  Her voice squeaks and shudders.  "I really knew— I knew you had it in you but— you didn't believe me—"

"Welp, guess I believe it now.  Even Undyne believes in me.  But uh, right I'm not supposed to tell you that.  She'll kill me if I do.  Heh... heheh, not sure if she told you but, she believes in you, too.  You actually inspire her a lot."

"Wh-what makes you think that?"

"She's gotta have told you.  She thinks you're the strongest person she knows."

Alph gets really emotional.  For someone who feels nothing most of the time, you're really good at getting a reaction out of people.  She stammers that it can't be true.  She's weak, she feels so terrible about making her suffer, it's so hard to believe she's ever done right.  It's too much to take in right now.

"Yeah, maybe slow down and take a nap?" you suggest.

"I still have work to do."

"Don't hurt yourself.  Take breaks and stuff.  Oh and, speaking of breaks, how 'bout meeting for lunch sometime?"  Too soon?  You hope not.  "This weekend maybe?  Or next weekend?  I wanna see you."

"M-Maybe?"

"We gotta meet up again.  Haven't been up to date on the latest animes.  Need you to tell me what's hot."

"W-Well, did you know PMMM got movies?"

"No way.  Yeah you gotta show me sometime.  Oh how was the Mew Mew sequel?"

"IT SUCKED!!" Alphys screams.  The sound reverberates through your skull and you go temporarily deaf before you can make out that she's started ranting.  Something about it ruining her entire character arc and going against all the great lessons the _original_ series taught.  "So you know how at the end of the first series her love interest was left ambiguous and Mew Mew and her best friend could have been potentially endgame well in the SECOND series when someone asked if she liked her Mew Mew said 'Ew, we're both girls!'  Can you _believe_ that?  After everything the first show preached about accepting everyone for who you are and how love can come from everywhere and then they pull _homophobic bullshit like this_ out of their stinky smelly asses!!  If it was the original directors it might have been good but someone different directed the second series and HAD THE BALLS TO TELL HIS FANS THAT IT'S _CONFIRMED_ THAT MEW MEW'S STRAIGHT!!  And also the music wasn't as good, even though the composer stayed they got a new singer and I don't think her voice fits the series nearly as well—"

Alphys pauses for breath.  You hear her inhale deeply.  "I love you Alph," you say.

Alphys chokes and stutters out something unintelligible.  You definitely didn't patch up years of distance and damage, but at least, once Alphys decides she needs to go soon, she agrees to meet for a lunch date.

"Guess I'm headed to Hotland.  Gonna be good to stretch my legs, I haven't been out of Snowdin in—"

"No," Alphys interrupts, "I'd rather meet you."

"We could meet halfway?"

"I don't... really wanna be seen where anyone could recognize me," Alphys says.  "So... I'll come to your town, okay?"

You tell her where Grillby's is.  "It's a great place," you add.  "With great people, but I know everyone's schedules pretty well by now, so we can get ourselves a timeslot where the diner'll be practically empty."

"Wow, sounds like you know everyone really well!"

"Yep.  Had a lot of time to get to know 'em."

She's nervous about going out.  But Snowdin's close to where Undyne lives.  You ask if she wants you to invite her too.  Alphys declines.  She wants to catch up alone.  And she's bothered Undyne enough.  You want to ask her to stay over, give you time to catch up on your favorite fucked up anime, but that's moving too quickly.

For now, just going out for lunch is a healthy step in the right direction.

☠☠☠

_*Is she there yet???_

_*nope  
*whats with you_

_*I JUST WANNA MAKE SURE SHE’S SAFE!!!_

_*oh no whats that out the window_  
_*its an explosion_  
 _*oh well looks like shes dead_

_*Shut the fuck up_

_*why arent you asking alphys_

_*Because she’s on the road!  Responsible drivers don’t text when they’re on the road!!_

_*undies you gotta learn to let go_   
_*let her spread her wings and fly_   
_*shell let you know when she gets here and if she doesnt_   
_*...why are you so worried about her making it here?_

_*BECAUSE I LOVE HER_

_*chill_

_*YOU CHILL!!!_

 

As you yawn, another message appears in your inbox.  You back out of your conversation with Undyne and open up Alphys’s message.

 

_*my gps says i’m 10 minutes away._

_*did you get to the bridge yet_

_*no._

_*welp its across a bridge  
*if you see a bridge that means youre close_

_*there’s lots of bridges._

 

Her language seems... cold.  She’s probably not looking forward to this as much as you are.  Or maybe she’s nervous.  You look at your phone and wonder, what’s a few years between good friends?  But... that’s just you, not everyone’s like you.  You wouldn’t let that get to you.  You wish she wouldn’t, you wish things could just go back to the way they were.

You’d exchanged a few texts today.  Alphys sent one first.  Saying she was sorry for how she acted on the phone.  You told her not to sweat it.  You don’t want her to apologize.  You don’t mind her yelling at you for the crap you pulled.

You go ahead and close up the hotdog stand now.  It sounds like she’s close.  You wait in Grillby’s.  You check your phone.  Nothing new.  You put it down and say hi to Grillbz.  He smiles back.  You feel better already.

You look back down at your phone and hear the door open.  You look up.  There she is, looking absolutely frazzled, wringing her hands in front of her.  Her hair’s messier than you’ve ever seen it.  She looks like she hasn’t slept in weeks.  You almost didn’t recognize her.  She’s got a white lab coat on, and what looks like scrubs underneath.  Or maybe they’re just extremely baggy pants.  Her eyes dart around the diner.  You wave her over to your table as though you’re not the only person there.  

When she catches sight of you, to your surprise, her hands relax and unfurl.  She walks over to you, and without a pause, before you can see it coming, gives you a quick hug.

“Whoa.  Hi.”

Alphys pulls away quickly.  “Hey.”

“Nice duds.”

Alphys frowns.  “I only have one nice dress,” she huffs, “and I’m not wasting it this!”

“Have you heard of something called a washing machine?”

“Have you heard of s-something called a crippling lack of motivation?”

“I may have.”

Alphys takes a seat across from you.  She hesitates.  “So,” she says, “um, how have you been?”

“These days?  It’s been up and down.  Nice hair.  When’d you decide to go blonde?”

Alphys touches her yellowish blonde afro and pats it.  “Uh, ha, haha...  Before Undyne moved to Waterfall she thought... it’d be cute if I dyed my hair too.”

“Looks very anime.”

“Yeah, that’s... the idea.”  She pauses again.  “You look... different.”

“Really?  Ha, how?”

“Kinda... scruffier?  But... also, happier.  Your eyes don’t look s-so, um, dead.”

“That’s good.”  Maybe you transferred your deadness onto her.  That childish glint that she used to have in her eyes is gone.  They’ve been replaced by extremely dark shadows underneath them, and worry lines between her eyebrows.  She looks... older.  Like she’s aged at least a decade since you saw her last.  At least she’s stuttering less.  Something about her mannerisms seem more confident somehow.  “Can’t remember the last time I got a haircut.”

“I don’t think it looks bad!  It um, suits you, I think.”  She smiles the slightest smile.  “So, what’ve you been up to... lately?”

 _“Wow,_ where to begin.  It’s been pretty crazy around here but I bet your story’s a lot more interesting than mine.  I haven’t even really left Snowdin since I moved here.”

“I’m not ready to tell you what I’ve been up to,” Alphys says.  “I— I wanna hear more about you!  I haven’t heard that much at all.  All I know, well, what I’ve heard from Undyne is that you recovered from a really bad depressive episode following an injury a few months back.  That’s... all I really know and, th-that you seemed happy in the picture I saw.”

“What picture?”

“After your injury,” she says, “when... Undyne was uh, at your house and, you were watching movies.”

“Oh.  Yeah, that was fun.  You should hang out with us next time.”

“Have— have you been using that cane since you got hurt?”

You turn your head to look at the cane leaning on your seat next to you, remembering that it’s there.  “Uh, no, this is more recent.  But, breaking my leg probably contributed to that.  The cane’s mostly for my back.  My bro’s tryna help by making me lose weight but, I don’t think I’ll be gettin’ rid of it anytime soon.  Makes a great accessory, though.”  You pick up the cane and show Alphys the details.  “It was a birthday present.”

“Oooh.”  Alphys examines it close.  “When was your birthday this year?”

“This summer.”

“Your twentieth birthday was on New Year’s,” Alphys says sadly.  “That was... that was a nice birthday.”

You smile and shake your arm until your sleeve falls a bit.  “That’s ‘cause I felt like I was born that day.”

You’d never had a birthday with that little fanfare before.  Alphys wouldn’t drink.  You wouldn’t even dare to offer her so much as a beer.  Not her.  She was too good.  Instead, she bought you a cake.  Then you drank ginger ale and pretended to be drunk, dancing and singing on the counter.  You made ridiculous fake resolutions, promising to become millionaires and cure cancer.  Then, on Alphys’s insistence, you made a real resolution.  The same one you made last year.  To make it to the next one together.  You didn’t keep that one.  You nearly didn’t make it at all.

“I’m really sorry about what I said on the phone,” Alphys says, glancing at the rubber bands on your arm.  “I don’t hate you, I was just...”

“Pissed?”

“I was... unstable.  I’d been feeling, well, not very good.  I had to start a whole new treatment, it’s been... weird.  B-But I think I’m finally adjusting to the new meds!  So, I feel better today!”

“That’s great.  Y’know, I only got myself medicated last winter.”

“Wow... what else did you do before then?”

“In the way of self-help?  Heh, not much.  Breaking my leg really helped.”  Alphys’s eyes widen.  “Helped everyone sit the fuck down and reevaluate all our life choices.  Wouldn’t recommend it, though.”

“But, you’re not like, a _completely_ hot mess!  You have a job, don’t you?”

“Two.”

“Right!  You sell hotdogs!  That sounds... fun!  And you tutored Undyne’s class once!”

“Heh, you heard about that?”

“Were you at her graduation?  I was there!  We might have seen each other!”

“Wow, really?”   _No way!_  Seeing Alphys at the graduation is what made you think _she_ was doing well.  She sure seemed happy and confident when she kissed Undyne in front of a huge crowd.  It was so unlike Alphys.  You didn’t expect then that she’d try to kill herself a few months after that.

“S-So... what else do you do for a living?”

“I’ll get to that,” you say.  “There’s still some stuff I haven’t told you that you uh, deserve to know at this point.  It’s kind of hard to talk about, but I think it’s about time.”

Alphys’s eyes soften.  “What’s this about?”

“You remember the good old doc...”

“Are you finally gonna tell me what went on between you?”

“So, he was kinda my dad,” you blurt.  “He adopted me and my bro when we were pretty young and...”  You hesitate.  You see both understanding and confusion dawn on Alphys’s face.  You swallow.  “You deserve to know, heh, why I wanted to leave the Capital so bad.  He was pretty abusive toward me _and_ my brother.  Not gonna get into all the details but... that’s why I couldn’t get away.  ‘Cause, despite being adults, he still had a pretty tight hold on us.”

“Your brother, too?” Alphys asks, her eyebrows drawing together.  She looks horrified.  “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I— I suspected something like that was going on but— I was too cowardly to say or do anything!  That is so awful, I’m sorry Sans...  You’re really brave for speaking out.  B-But don’t worry, that sicko is rotting in hell right now!  He’ll never touch anyone again!”

You’re confused.   _Touch_ anyone?  You didn’t say a thing about physical abuse.  Her tone and her expression tell you she’s imagining details you didn’t even describe.  “Uhhh...”  You need to set this straight.  “I think your imagination’s getting ahead of you.  W.D. Gaster was many things, but I gotta give the man credit for a _rapist_ being not one of those things.”

You’d had an ongoing joke with Alphys back in the day, since the first time she asked you, _“What does W.D. stand for?”  “Wet Dog,”_ you answered the first time.   _“Wounded Dick,”_ you’d told her after you punched him in the balls.  She asks you again what his initials stand for.  You can’t tell her.  You have his first name all to yourself.  It’s the only thing you’ve ever had on the old man.  You could only give him so much hell for it before you were forced to stop to save your own life.

“Stands for Worst Dad.”

“I guess...  What did he...  Can I ask?”

“He poisoned me with all those meds.  Treated my brother like a worthless idiot and me like a failed experiment and tried to squeeze s’much use out of me as he could.  But hey, he’s dead now and I’m doing great!”

“So... that’s why he wanted to know if I was living with you...”  Alphys pauses.  She laughs awkwardly.  “Okay you’re— g-gonna hate me but, I thought that he was, haha, being... p-possessive, and... jealous, of me?”

“Too much problematic yaoi.”  You laugh.  “Ha, heheh, he thought I was fucking you and _you_ thought he was fucking _me,_ wow.  This is my asexual luck.”

“I’m sorry, okay?  M-My mind always makes things as messed up as possible!  I also, _okay_ I know people can be asexual by choice but it _can_ happen because of trauma so I thought that _maybe,_ I mean I’m not saying I really thought it just considered the possibility that you were turned off by the idea of sex and romance because you’d been, you know...”

It’s been a while since you heard her nervous rambling.  You missed her so much.  “Ha, nope I’m not completely turned off.  Guess what.  You’re never gonna believe this, Alph.”

Alphys leans forward.  “What?”

“I got a giiiirlfrieeeend~”

Alphys gasps.  “No way.  I totally thought you’d die alone.”

You snort so loud that Grillby looks over at you.  “And this is gonna shock you.  You’ll never guess who.”

“Ohmygosh.  Who?!”

“Heh...”  You grin.  “Remember Toriel Dreemurr?”  Alphys jumps in surprise.  “I met her online!  Didn’t even know it was her!  Then I met her _in person_ and we started going out.”

“NO!” Alphys shouts.  It’s your turn to jump.  “I do NOT believe it!”

“Haaa, I know, right?”

“N-Not _Toriel,_ I didn’t even know you had it in you to like women!  B-But it’s only a matter of time before she gets back together with Asgore!”

“Uhh...”  Is she serious?  “You know they’re divorced, right?”

“You’re sure, absolutely _positive_ she is _the_ Toriel Dreemurr?”

“Welp, she’s not Toriel Dreemurr anymore.”

“Well, she’s still Toriel Dreemurr to me!” Alphys declares.  “They had literally _one_ argument!  Be-besides for that they’re _perfect_ together!  I was out of the house when they split but I saw them when they were married and they were always kissing and cuddling and embarrassing the children...”  She giggles stupidly.  “Like, _relationship goals,_ y’know?”

Your mouth twitches.  “Look, not saying Fluffybuns’ a bad guy, but—”

“Pfft, _Fluffybuns...”_  Alphys smirks.  “You know his _wife_ gave him that nickname?”

Inwardly, you cringe.  You’d been calling Asgore by that name for years.  “Ex-wife,” you correct.

“I _know_ it’s wrong to ship real people, but the Dreemurrs have gotta be my biggest OTP of all time!  Can’t blame a girl for her problematic ships.”

“I can tell you you can ship whatever you want,” you say, feeling your left eye start to twitch as well, “but uhh, I can also tell you to respect the woman’s decisions.  And like, _mine_ for fuck’s sake?  Me an’ Toriel _made out,_ how’s that make your poor shipper heart feel.”

Alphys snorts.  “Did you touch her butt yet?”

“What.”

“You’re not _really_ dating till you touch her butt.  Trust me, _I’m_ the expert here.”

“Or, maybe, everyone has their own version of what’s romantic including, like, not violating the other’s space?”

“It’s not _violation_ if it’s _consensual!”_ Alphys exclaims.  “Toriel was never uncomfortable with _Asgore_ touching her butt.  You _know_ what they did?”

“Screwed like rabbits since he got her pregnant seven times I imagine,” you say with a cold smile.  “How’s that supposed to make me feel?  Because lemme tell you, I uh, _know_ this already.”

Alphys blinks.  She stops smiling.  It takes her a second to look nervous again.  “I’m— I’m not saying romance is equal to sex,” she says softly.  “Sorry I got... kind of caught up that was... that was really nasty of me, I’m sorry.”

She got too comfortable.  Being comfortable made her honest, and she didn’t always have the greatest things to say when she was honest.  Her honesty’s always been a hard pill to swallow, but despite all this, it’s better than seeing her depressed.  You don’t have the heart to tell her you’ve been technically dumped.  If Toriel’s reasons had nothing to do with you that makes it irrelevant, right?  She’d still be dating you if not for what happened with the kid.

So you tell Alphys about your kiss, just to sink her ship.  You don’t tell her about all the things she said about Asgore, because you’re not that petty.  You can’t think of the dude as a rival.  You don’t think you ever will.  Alphys says you’re lucky.   _Really_ lucky.  But you can see it in her eyes that she still ships them.

“I guess I’ll have to see it to believe it,” she finally says.  “Especially since it’s... _really_ hard to imagine.  Isn’t Toriel like, a foot taller than you?”

“Yep,” you say happily.  “At least.”

“I guess that’s pretty cute...”  You’ve gotta give her props.  At least she’s _trying_ to ship it.  “But I mean, I’ve you know... never seen it, so... I just, remember how nice it was living in the Dreemurr household with them.  There was a lot of love in that house.  They loved each other and loved their kids and...  Asgore and Toriel were just the perfect picture of the classic husband and wife and...  Well, it made me feel... like an intruder.”  She sighs.  “So... if it makes you feel any better, I don’t even have the happiest memories of seeing them together.  It just... made me keep feeling like I’d never have anything like that and, I’d die alone in a garbage dump somewhere.”

“Yep.  Makes me feel way better than your memories aren’t the happiest because they were too perfect for each other.”

“Well...”  Alphys laughs guiltily.  “What can I say...?”

“That you’ve got a better relationship than them now?”

“True,” she says smugly.  “Yeah you know what, I’ve got a _new_ OTP now.”

“Good for you, Alph.  You and Hot Mystery Garbage Lesbian are my OTP too.”

Alphys cracks up into little snorts.  “You were our first shipper!”

“So... wait a minute, she worked in the Dreemurr house.”

“Yeah!  And... well, that’s what really...”  She laughs.  She looks around.  She lowers her voice.  “I was um, feeling pretty awful until she just... showed up out of the blue one day.”

“I told you it would work out.”

“I didn’t _ever_ think it would!  But when she just... came over one day, and Asgore and Toriel were out and it was just us and the kids, I was like, th-there’s no way this wasn’t always meant to happen!  And, even though I still felt horrible about the doctor dying I...  She didn’t know about any of that.  She treated me just like she used to.  It was... really nice.  We watched some anime with the kids and then... we kept meeting there.  Then we started hanging out a lot more until I got settled and she moved to Waterfall.”

“Damn.  That sounds almost too fortunate to be plausible.”

“I know...  She really made me feel...”  Alphys smiles.  “Like... I wasn’t garbage.  And that I’d never lose her since we always seemed to find each other again.  It meant a lot since...  Well...”  She looks away.  “Since I was so scared of being abandoned.”

Yeah, that’s your fault.  “Glad you had her around,” you say.  “She’s been... well, she’s pretty great.  Don’t know where I’d be without her.  She convinced my brother to go back to school,” you add before she asks and you’ll be forced to give the embarrassing details.  “And we’re pretty much besties now.”

“Oh really.” Alphys glares at you skeptically.

“Tell me more about you two, this is the greatest story I’ve heard in a while.  When’d you two hook up.”

“Um, wow it was actually uh, a _bit_ after she moved to Waterfall!”

“Ha, took that long?”

“We were just _really_ good friends before that, m-mostly...”

“Mostly...?”

“There were incidents!” Alphys blurts.

“Incidents.”

“Stop repeating the last word of all my sentences!”

“Senten—”

 _“Sentences,”_ Alphys finishes, glaring at you.  “I knew you were gonna say that.”

“Sooo, go ahead.”  You cross your legs and rest your chin in your hands.  “Let’s hear about these _incidents.”_

“They’re none of your business!”  You smirk.  Alphys narrows her eyes.  “Well, let’s just say, things looked like they were gonna work out pretty nicely but, yeah.  You... you know me.”

“Too scared?”

“I didn’t want to get my hopes up,” she says.  “I also didn’t know how to tell her how I felt, even though I was pretty sure she knew at that point.  But uh, heh, this part’s pretty embarrassing but you know _lots_ of embarrassing things about me already this’ll probably sound like no big deal!  One day I just... haha, I couldn’t hold back anymore so, I just spilled my guts to this random kid!”

“Heh, that does sound like you.  Hope you didn’t make them roleplay.”

Alphys opens her mouth.  She closes it.  “Wow,” you say.

“I-I don’t even know if they were really there!  They just had a talk with me and next thing I knew I was spewing my whole life story and well, I don’t know, it was like I was talking to my inner voice or something!  I was going senile from lust and I conjured a child from my brain to help me work out my own feelings!”

“Wow, that is weird.”  A child.  Huh.  “What uh, made you think this kid was your inner voice...?”

“They just... well, seemed to know what I was thinking?  And... d-don’t laugh, _they_ were the one who suggested the roleplay!  S-So I loudly confessed my undying love and then _next thing I know,_ guess who’s _right there!”_

 _“Frisky bits,”_ you mutter.

“Undyne is standing, _right behind_ a garbage pile!  She heard the whole thing!”

“As amusing as this is,” you say, “was the kid wearing a striped shirt and was their name Frisk?”

“F-Frisk?”  Alphys falters.  “Oh god, do you _know_ the kid?  I didn’t think they were real!”

“Frisk does give off that impression.  Yeah I’ve been looking for this kid for weeks now.  Where and when did you see them last?”

“Um...”  Alphys pauses.  “Waterfall, t-two years ago...?”

“Welp,” you sigh.  “That doesn’t help much.  Last I saw ‘em was here in Snowdin about a month ago.  It’s weird, though.  They seem to be everywhere.”

“Are you sure...?” Alphys asks.  “I mean, maybe it was a different kid—”

“I’m not making things up.  Undyne knows ‘em.   _Everyone_ knows ‘em.  The kid’s mute.”

“Ohhh... Oh man, that’s one reason I thought they were the voice of my conscience or something— they didn’t have a voice of their own!”

Alphys starts wringing her hands again.  This is weird, it seems familiar.  You wonder if Alph realizes it.  There’s definitely something up— but you’ve known that for years.  You’ve picked up a new piece of information, but it doesn’t help you in the slightest.

All too suddenly, your phone rings.  “Hang on, I’ll get rid of ‘em,” you tell Alphys.  She stares patiently at you as you answer your call.

“Sans,” barks a male voice on the other end.  “We have good news!”

It takes you a second to recognize that voice over the phone.  “Dogamy...?  What’s the news.”

“Hot Dog and I found your kid!  They’re down by the station and they asked to speak to you.  You better come quick.”

“Ha... hahaha... You gotta be kidding me.”

“Nope!  ‘Ressa’s with them right now!”

“Oh man.  Thanks Dog, you’re the best.  See you in just a minute.  Make sure Frisk stays there.”

You hang up.  Your hands are shaking.  Things were just starting to go well— you didn’t expect this much good news at once.  “Who was that?” Alphys asks.

“I’m sorry,” you tell her, grabbing your cane and standing up, “I don’t wanna leave you again but this is really important.  The missing kid just turned up.  This might take a while so... I don’t know how long I’m gonna be.  You can wait at my house if you want, address is 2 Evergreen, literally right down this street.”

“Dammit, of course you’re leaving.”

“I promise, I wouldn’t unless it was really important.  I’m _telling_ you this time, ‘kay?  I’ll even text you the details later.  Don’t wanna keep you in the dark again.”

“I, uh...”  Alphys stands.  “I think I’m just gonna go home then!”

“Sorry we didn’t have much time.  We’ll hang out again soon, ‘kay?”

“Um—”  You don’t wait for her to finish, you’re in a rush.  You throw an arm around her and give her cheek a quick kiss.

“You’re gonna show me the PMMM movies one of these days,” you say to her as you exit the diner.  “If we don’t make a date, I’ll just invite myself over!”

Alphys doesn’t answer.  She stands there staring dumbly.  You think you promised to ask her permission before you did that; hell, you definitely should have, but you’re in a really big hurry.

You’ll have time to apologize later.  You’ll have all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> W.D. stands for Wingdings. use ur imagination to figure out how sans gave gaster hell for that, and how he found out his real name.
> 
> What did Alphys do exactly that she's so ashamed of? It has to do with whatever the human equivalent of the amalgamates are. I haven't decided if I'm gonna put it in the fic or not because it's a huge amount of work...
> 
> The story's not gonna end next chapter, think it's gonna be about 3 chapters more. At least. I keep extending it. BUT I DON'T WANT IT TO END THIS HAS BEEN MY LIFE FOR THE PAST HALF A YEAR AND THINGS ARE GETTING RESOLVED NOW! HOORAY FRISK IS BACK!!
> 
> Also holy shit I can't believe chapter 27 got THE MOST comments out of any other chapter?? MORE THAN THE SORIEL KISS!! I'm really impressed and overjoyed that my readers appreciate platonic relationships. Keep commenting guys it really helps!


	29. Frisky Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Frisk tells Sans why the left the Ruins, he decides to help them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FRISKY BUSINESS HAHAHAHAH OMG IM SO CLEVEr anyway i wanted to post this chapter today because it's my birthday!! i'm 19 today [insert obligatory joke about how elderly i am] ISNT THAT FREAKING FUNNY

You swear it’s never taken this long to get to the station.  Halfway there you consider turning back and inviting Alphys to come with you.  But it’s likely she’s gone now.

Snowdin’s police station is as friendly looking as every building in the town.  Made of brick, looking more inviting than imposing.  You stumble into it, feeling the pressure throb in your bad leg from the run.  Even with your shortcut, you strained yourself too hard.  You’re too old for this.

Before you get the chance to catch your breath, Dogamy meets you and tells you to follow him.  “How’s the kid?” you ask.  “They still in one piece?”

“Still in one piece!” Dogamy answers.  “The child’s fine, you have nothing to worry about!”

“Cool.”

He leads you into an office-like room where you find Dogaressa waiting with Frisk.  They’re sitting in a comfortable looking chair, a thin blanket draped over them, a cup of juice in front of them.  Looking... very unlike a kid who’d been missing for two and a half weeks, traveled through a stormy forest and wandered for miles on foot.  Their only injuries have been covered up by colorful bandaids, they have a couple visible healing scrapes, and they look filthy.  Besides for that, they seem fine.

“Ha,” you laugh, looking down at your little culprit.  “Heya Frisky McFriskers.”

Frisk looks up.  They sign hello.  You sign back.  “You doin’ okay?” you ask.  Frisk nods.  But once you make eye contact, you notice something in their eyes that looks... you can’t place your finger on it...  Sad?  Disturbed?  The closest emotion you can think off of the top of your head is _guilty._  Welp, serves them right.

Frisk looks at the Dogs, then back at you.  They sign, _I need to talk to you alone._

“The child requests a private conversation,” you tell the Dogs.  “Is that allowed, guys?”

You give them your most charming smile.  “Yes—” Dogamy begins.

“Yes, it’s allowed!” Dogaressa finishes.

“I was just gonna say that.”

“Well I said it first.”

“Why are won’t you let me finish my sentences?”

“Why are you so slow?”

“Guys, guys.”  You step between them.  “Why don’t you go make out and make up.  You’re second place nose-nuzzling champs, work through it.”

Dogaressa huffs.  “Yeah you’re right,” says Dogamy.  “She always cools off around bedtime.”

“Seee, it’s all good.  Have fun guys.”

Dogaressa tells you she’ll be waiting outside the door, you have a few minutes to talk with Frisk.  It’s a good thing you’re buddies, though you don’t know if leaving you alone with the kid’s a special favor.  The Dogs trust you, even outside Grillby’s where they’re on duty.

They shut the door and you take a seat in front of Frisk.  You lean over the desk staring hard at them like they’re at an interrogation.  “I’ll get right down to it kid,” you say, “I’m not too happy with you.  You know what you did?  You made your mom cry.”

Frisk looks down and sips at their juice.

“Hey, granted I did that too, but at least I apologized.  I really don’t like seein’ her sad, y’know?  You gotta decide if you wanna go back to her or find somewhere else, but you gotta let someone know what you decide.  Otherwise, you’re gonna wind up hurting a lot more people.”

 _I can’t go back,_ Frisk signs.   _I have to leave and go far away._

“Why?”

Frisk looks up at you.  You can see their expression clearly now, their eyes show you clear terror.   _I’m going to kill everyone._

“Whoa.”  Why are you not surprised...?  “What’d I ever do to you?  Scratch that, what’d _Toriel_ ever do to you?”

_Nothing.  I didn’t mean to._

“Uh, didn’t mean to what?”

_I didn’t mean to kill her._

“Heh...”   _Welp._  And to think, you were just beginning to trust them...  “You’re... heh... gonna need to slow down a little there, kid.  What did you do.”

Frisk quickly shakes their head.  They sign rapidly, _Don’t worry.  She’s still alive._

“Ooookay, so you only killed her in this nightmarish alternate karma universe that we’re not even sure is real.  I guess that’s not as bad, only alternate me has to suffer.”

_I went back and changed it._

“What.”

_I went back and spared her._

“That’s big of you.”

_I can’t do it anymore._

“Allllright, Friskers.  We’ve only got a few minutes so we’re gonna need to speed things up.  The heck are you talking about.”

They reach over and swipe a box of crayons and a pad of paper from the desk.  How nice of the Snowdin police to provide a lost kid with kid stuff.  They draw furiously.  You wait, ignoring the pounding in your heart.  A couple minutes tick by.  You begin to tap your fingers against your knee.

Frisk finally hands over the pad.  You take a good long look at it.  The kid’s drawn a bunch of aliens.  There’s a blue Avatar-looking character with fire coming out of its head, a horned demon in a purple robe, a bigger horned demon wearing a crown, a yellow dinosaur with glasses, a handsome robot with black hair, and two unidentifiable white creatures with the deadest eyes and freakiest smiles you’ve ever seen.  One of them is wearing your hoodie.

“Is that me,” you ask.

Frisk nods.

“Why am I white,” you ask.

_You’re a skeleton._

“That’s quite an imagination you got there, kiddo.  Is Papyrus also a skeleton?”

Nod.

“So he’s an able-bodied skeleton.  Ah...”  It’s all starting to make sense now.  You recognize these freaky looking characters.  That dinosaur could be _anyone_ but Alphys, anyone with buck teeth and glasses, but something about this terrible drawing’s really captured her essence.  Maybe it’s the posture, the spiky head...  Now you realize what those flaps on the Avatar-thing’s head are supposed to be.  How cute, Undyne has little fins.

“Alright.  So not only do you remember meeting us in alternate worlds and killing different people, but Undyne’s a fish.”

_She’s captain of the royal guard and she’s also you’re boss._

“Welp, glad I’m not alternate me at this current moment.”  You laugh.  Frisk doesn’t seem amused.  “So putting aside the wacky character designs, wanna tell me why you’re so fond of killing people?  You’ve done it before, haven’t you?  Over and over again, haven’t you uh, had enough?”

Frisk nods.  You notice their eyes reddening with oncoming tears.  “Okay so, if you’re not a time traveler, how come I remember the same set of events happening uh, completely differently every time?  Is someone _else_ turning back time?”

 _I could go back to the beginning and do it all again,_ Frisk signs.

“That sounds like time traveling to me.”

_I can’t anymore.  I don’t even know if it really happened._

“So uhh, all that, was... a dream?”

_I don’t know.  I grew up here but I also remember that world like I was there._

“Yep, that sure makes a whole lot of sense.  So that means you’re the exact same person I’ve known from all the freaky visions?”

_We were friends._

“So why’d you kill me?”

_It wasn’t me._

“Welp.  This is new.”

Frisk starts signing very rapidly.  You tell them to slow down.  Where are the Dogs?  You’d think they’d be back by now.  You listen carefully.  From outside the door you hear the sound of muffled bickering.  “Okay, sounds like we’ve got time.  If it wasn’t you, then who killed all those people?”

_I did it at first._

“Not cool, kid.”

_I just wanted to see what would happen._

“Uhh, they’d _die.”_

_I got bored._

“Experiencing the same thing a whole buncha times with the power to erase all the consequences?  I guess I get that.  But I still can’t say I sympathize.”

Frisk flips over the pad and scribbles something else.  A person with black, dripping eyes.   _They told me to keep going._

“’Kay.”

From what you piece together from drawings and rapid signing, they killed until the kid in the drawing made them keep doing it. They took over.  By the time they faced you, Frisk wasn’t theirself.

“This sounds like an excuse,” you tell them.  “And not a very clever one.  ‘Hey mom sorry I spilled the milk, wasn’t me, a demon creature took over my body and made me do it.’  At least you admit to killing _some_ people, I guess.  Good job, kid.”

You let them sign for a while.  They falter, but you don’t interrupt.   _They were with me the whole time.  They encouraged and helped me.  But after I killed those monsters..._  Who the hell are they calling monsters?  Isn’t this demon creature the monster?  You wait for them to finish.   _They took control... little by little until there was nothing left._

“So why didn’t you just start over?”

_They were still there._

“Okay...”

_But they’re not here anymore._

“That’s... good, isn’t it?  Hey, _this_ version of events, where uh, Undyne isn’t my boss, have you been screwing around in _here_ too?”

Frisk shakes their head.  You breathe a sigh of relief.  “So you can’t time travel here.  You were only a time traveler in uh, another dimension.  Yeah I guess I can roll with that.”

They scribble another drawing.  They show it to you.  It’s a crudely drawn flower with a smiley face.  They tell you they’re looking for that flower.

“Uhhh...”

 _Do you remember..._  They point to the flower.

“Nope, I’m drawing a blank.”

Frisk starts crying.  You pat their shoulder and tell them they’ll find their creepy flower eventually.  They sign that the flower is the only one who understands them.  The demon creature and the smiley flower, they can’t find either of them.  They found you, they found Papyrus, they found everyone except for those two.

“Why do you wanna find the creepy kid?”

_They’re my friend._

“Yeahhhh...”

_It was my fault they wanted to kill._

“Here’s what you do with toxic people in your life, Frisky.  You ditch ‘em.  If your friends tell you to kill your friends, they’re a bad friend.”

Frisk shrugs.  They tell you they only hear them in their dreams anymore, in nightmares, telling them to start killing again.

“You need help for that,” you say simply.  “Look I admit, if I were stuck in a permanent time loop, I might experiment like that too.  But this is the real world kiddo, not some fantasy, and just because you and I have the same delusion doesn’t mean it’s anything _but_ a delusion.  ‘Cause what you’re telling me seems pretty crazy and doesn’t seem to follow the rules of reality.”

Frisk wipes their eyes.   _I want to be with mom,_ they sign.

“She wants to be with you too.  You don’t wanna kill her, plain and simple, _don’t._  You’ve held out for this long.  And as far as I know, you’ve been helping a lot of people.”

They gaze up at you.   _I made mom cry._

“Yeah but, you helped my friend Alphys admit her feelings.  I think that...  Despite certain recurring dreams, that’s the type of person you really are.  You’re a huge meddler.”  You look in their eyes to confirm what you just said, hoping it’s true.  Those eyes don’t look innocent.  They look like they’ve seen some shit.  But they also show earnestness.  You believe them.  “So if you’re scared of that scary voice coming back, I wanna help.  You’re gonna have to learn to live in this world eventually.”

Frisk gets up.  Their blanket falls to the floor.  They walk around to your side of the desk.  “What’s up,” you say.  They reach out and hug you.  “Waaait, one sec.”  You roll your chair backward and check their hands for a knife.  “Sorry, just makin’ sure.”  You open your arms back up.  Frisk jumps into them.  You pat them on the back uncertainly.  A year ago you never would have seen this coming.  But there’s something else you’re feeling now, not apprehension or fear, but there’s a new sense of kinship.  You were definitely friends once before.  Maybe this is the worst decision you’ve ever made, but you’ve decided to trust them.

“Alright kid, sit back down, we’re not done here.”

Frisk steps away and sits back in their chair.  They sign thank you.  You sign back you’re welcome.  “So is this a decision you’ve made, that you wanna go back to Toriel?” you ask.  “Because I think that’d be the best possible decision.  If she decides to come back here, I’ll be around to help.”

Before Frisk can answer, the door opens.  A very disgruntled Dogaressa reenters and tells you they need to sort out where Frisk will go.  She’s sorry she took so long.

“Okay.  I’ll see you later, Frisky bits?”

Frisk nods.  You give them the thumbs up.  “Whatever happens, you’ll be safe soon,” you tell them.

“That’s right,” Dogaressa assures them.  “You’re very safe now!”

“And Tori’ll be safe too, don’t worry.  Everyone’ll be fine.”

“You’re sitting in my chair,” says Dogaressa.

You wheel it out and stand.  “See you later, ‘Ressa.  Stay outa trouble, Frisk.”

Ressa steers you out of the office impatiently.  Outside, Dogamy asks you, “Can you _believe_ her?  And this is all because I wouldn’t take out the garbage last night—”

“Damn.  No I can’t.  Sucks, bro.”

It’s hard to commiserate, you’re feeling great.  You walk home feeling light as a feather, hardly noticing your leg.  Frisk has been found, and Toriel... it’s finally over.  She’ll be relieved to know they aren’t dead.  And, in all likelihood, she’ll start up correspondence again.  Everything will go back to normal, minus Frisk being a threat and Alphys being out of your life.

Papyrus is waiting in the kitchen.  The smell of rotten eggs lets you know he’s cooked dinner.  “So!” he says.  “How was your reunion?”

“My... what?”

“Your lunch date?  With Alphys?”

“Oh... yeah...  Pfff, that was _today?”_

“That’s right brother, and as usual, your sense of time is so poor I’m getting worried.  Are you experiencing short term memory loss?”

“Hopefully not, hey listen to this, they caught Frisk.”

“Wait, _what?_  That’s great news!”

You sit down and tell him all about it, get so distracted that he forgets about dinner.  You leave out the part about Frisk sharing their memories from a fake dimension that doesn’t exist anymore, so you pretty much leave out everything.

“Does Toriel know?” Papyrus asks.

“Uhh, I don’t know, I kinda... forgot to ask.”

“I thought Toriel was your top priority.”

“Look it’s been... a long day.”

You realize that you forgot about Alphys, too.  She’ll be on her way home by now.  You’ll talk to her later.  You hope she isn’t too pissed at you.

You’ll have to let all your friends know so that they’ll stop their search, if they haven’t heard from the Dogs already.  Hell, you’ll have to tell the whole town.

☠☠☠

“Welp...”

“I’m sorry Sans, we did everything we could.”

“You looked... everywhere?”

“Not yet, we’re still searching the town.”

“Dogamy, you had _one job.”_

“I have many jobs.  I promise though, we’re making this child a priority.”

“Least we know Frisk’s alive...”  You sigh.  “Oh well, don’t let this get you down, pal.  Keep doin’ your job...  Guess I should help spread the word.”

You should have known it was too good to last.  Frisk’s escaped.  They ran away, _again._  You don’t know what you expected.  After you hang up, you realize you forgot for a second time to ask if they let Toriel know.

Still, you don’t bother calling her.  If you get back in contact, she has to do it first.  You don’t know if she’ll pick up, you don’t know if she’ll block you.  Maybe... even if she does know, it’s too soon for Toriel to be okay.  She’ll need time to process.  Welp, you’ve got time, you can give her that.

Your phone buzzes.  You don’t dare to let yourself hope, but still, seeing that the text is from Alphys makes your heart sink into the pit of your stomach.

 

_*i got back a while ago so...  how’d it go?_

_*the kid got away  
*sorry i had to cut our date short_

 

In the past, you had a tendency to not give her any details.  So now, you tell her everything.  You tell her about how Frisk’s stalked you at your hotdog stand and how they know Undyne and Papyrus and none of you knew what was up with them.  You tell her this is why Toriel sort of kind of broke up with you, even though you want nothing more than to crush her problematic OTP.  You give her all the details minus the weird karma multiverse crap.

 

_*well that’s brutal!_

_*i know_

_*i’m impressed you’re doing so well after all that to be honest._

_*welp ive been through a lot worse so i’m starting to get kind of numb  
*also i think shell come back eventually she just needs some time to herself_

_*ANYONE dating toriel would want her to come back._

_*alph you dont know what we had  
*we shared MEMES_

_*but you didn’t touch her butt!_

_*weve  
*been through this_

 

She encourages you to keep doing as well as you’ve been doing.  Even if this issue with Toriel doesn’t get resolved, she tells you you’re strong enough to get through it.  You can talk to her if you need.  She’s honestly the _last_ person you can talk about your relationship to Toriel with.  So you tell her thanks and leave it at that.

You’re not angry with yourself anymore.  There’s no reason to be.  You’re just pissed at Frisk.  Truth is, you’d be perfectly happy right now if they didn’t fuck things up with their disturbing grimdark multiverse shenanigans.  Then again, if not for this, you would have kept fearing them.  At least now, they’re a sort of friend.

And... for their own sake, you want this all to be over.  Frisk needs to settle.  Even if they’re stronger than the average kid— the average _human_ honestly, they deserve to be safe.  They’re not right now, they’re not safe in their own head.  You’re worried about them.  But for now, there’s nothing else you can do.

☠☠☠

If this happened at any other point in your life, you’d be crushed.  But now you conclude that life isn’t miserable.  You’re still worried about Toriel, you don’t know if she’s okay, but you have more friends backing you up than ever.  You’re optimistic, actually, that things will get better.  It’s been three days now since Frisk’s second disappearance, but last time they were gone, you got a lot done.  Maybe you’ll be rich by the time you see them again.

You’ve been so caught up in your own life that when Papyrus tells you at dinner that he’s been training to be a security guard, that takes you completely by surprise.  You can’t remember if he’s told you before.  He probably did, and you were spacing out.

“I should ask you what’s going on more often,” you tell him.  “I thought you wanted to be a chef?”

“I found a new calling.”

“Cool.  How’s uhh...”  Damn, you’ve been so self-absorbed you’ve been forgetting about everyone else.  “How’s Undies doing?”

“What?  Undyne?  Why do you ask?”

“Well you know about a week ago her girlfriend tried to kill herself and that didn’t make her happy.”

“Oh.  Right, _that._  Well it... hasn’t come up at all.”

“Your BFF had a crisis, you should pay more attention.”

“Undyne doesn’t like to dwell on problems,” Papyrus says.  “Not once they’re dealt with.”

“Welp, you probably know better than anyone, there’s all sorts of guilt and bad feelings when someone you love—  Wait.  Hold it I just realized I can ask her.”

“That’s true.  You have a phone.”

“I do have a phone.”

You have a phone!  You’ll have to get over the novelty of being friends with Undyne Peixes-Serket one of these days and accept it.

 

_*howre you doing_

_*????????_

_*how are you my dear precious friend pal_

_*WTF_

_*sending you all the love from the bottom of my heart <3_

_*I DON’T WANT IT!!!!!!!!!_

_*damn_

_*TAKE IT BACK_

_*no  
*but in all seriousness is everything back to normal by now_

_*I’m not sure what you mean by normal but Alphys has been better_  
_*So I’ve been better too_  
 _*If that’s what you’re asking????????_  
 _*I’m confused_

_*yeah  
*so everythings ok over there?_

_*Yeah????????_   
_*I’m glad you finally talked to her.  Whatever you said seemed to really make a difference_   
_*She seems a lot better_   
_*And more confident_   
_*So thanks_

_*youre whalecum_

_*WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU_

_* *welcome sorry autocorrects a bitch_

_*ANYWAY  
*I just wish I let it happen sooner._

_*let what happen sooner_

_*This talk!!!!!!!!  I said I’d rip your arms off if you talked to her!!!!!!!!_

_*tbh that had nothing to do with why i didnt talk to alphys_

_*STILL  
*Looking back, I realize I overreacted.  I acted stupid in Grillby’s and I’m sorry we fought_

_*thats long behind us_

_*WHATEVER_

 

With that out of the way, you decide to tell her about Frisk and what happened with Toriel.  You would have asked her about Frisk before if you were on better terms.  It’s a long story, and you’re tired of repeating it.  But from what it sounds like, Undyne knows about as much about Frisk as Papyrus does.

 

_*I was wondering where that kid went  
*Well I’ll keep an eye out_

_*just one eye?_

_*DON’T PUSH IT_

_*sorry its hard to SEE when ive gone too far im a little BLIND  
*_ ☠

 _*I’m THIS CLOSE to putting your arms in the trash after all!!!!!!!!_  
*But I’ll tell all my friends in waterfall  
*About the kid

 

You doubt Woshua the cleaning guy knowing that Frisk is missing is going to make an iota of a difference, but you appreciate Undyne’s help.

Close to midnight, she texts you back.

 

_*HOW THE HELL DOES EVERYONE KNOW THIS KID_

_*they really get around_

 

The only question left is _how._  Nah... there are a lot more questions.  Too many.  It’s making your head hurt.  You decide to sleep.  It’s past your bedtime anyway.

☠☠☠

_“What happens now, we leave up to you.  Though...”  The hallway shines with golden light.  The human glows and sparkles with powdery dust.  You close your eyes.  “One thing about you aways struck me as kinda odd.  Sometimes... you act like you know what’s gonna happen.  Like you’ve already experienced it all before.  This is an odd thing to say, but...  If you have some sort of special power...  Isn’t it your responsibility to do the right thing?”_

_You open your eyes.  You wait for their answer.  It’s **yes.**  “Ah.”  You smile at them.  I see.”  You close your eyes again.  The human disappears from your sight.  You open them.  The hallway is gold, but you see red._

_“Then why’d you kill my brother?”_

 

The relentless pounding against your skull jolts you back into the world of the living.  There’s an urgent crashing— no, that’s knocking— it’s just Papyrus.  

“SANS, WAKE UP AND OPEN THE DOOR!”

 _Is it—?_  No, Frisk isn’t _this_ anymore.  They’re good.  They’re your friend.  You force yourself to breathe.  “Yeah, what is it Pap,” you call.

“I NEED TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING!”

Did you lock the door...?  Nuts, now you have to drag yourself out of bed.  You fumble with the lock and the door bursts open.  Papyrus flies at you.  “Sans, you are _really_ going to want to see this!”

“What’s it.”

Papyrus plops himself down on your bed and opens up his laptop.  You sit down beside him and force yourself not to lie back down and go back to sleep.  “So you know I’m subscribed to Mettaton’s channel—”

“Wait.”  He’s... on Mettaton’s channel.  “Is this an MTT vid?  Can’t this wait till the morning?”

“Hang on!  Here, this just came out today!  Don’t ask why I was up at this hour—”

“Why were you up at this hour.”

“Here it is!  It’s— no, it might be another minute in... Just watch the whole thing!”

Mettaton smiles at you from Papyrus’s computer screen, haloed by sunlight.  He’s outside.  “Hello beautifuls, today is such a lovely day, isn’t it?  Now I haven’t vlogged in a while, and I will tell you why in a moment!  I have a very special announcement to make!”

You can’t help it, you’re falling asleep against Papyrus’s very tensed up arm.  Finally, Papyrus shakes your shoulder.  “Ugh... what’s pretty boy gotta—”

“Shush!”

“Jeez, okay—”

“Oooh, who’s this?  A fan?”

Mettaton turns the camera around and...

Why are you not surprised.  Why does nothing about this kid surprise you anymore.

“Well _normally_ I don’t have guests in my videos, but since you’re so eager, and I don’t hear as much from my younger fanbase... say hello to your audience, darling!”

How long has Frisk been wearing that stupid shirt?  They wave at the camera, and for some reason, pose dramatically.  Mettaton gasps.  “Wow, we have a talent here!  Strike another pose!”

Frisk stretches their arm out and points to the sky.  “Oooh yes, work it!”

“Are they... tryna get caught...?” you ask the screen.  “How much are they gonna make me run around?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why else would they be doing this?  They’re doing it to drive me crazy.”

Mettaton finally goes over to Frisk, putting his arm around them, pointing the camera to their faces.  “Darling, have I seen you before?” he asks.

Frisk smiles and shakes their head.  “Do you have anything you want to say to your wonderful viewers?  They’d love to hear from you!”

Frisk points to their chest.  Then, they cross their arms in front of them.  They finish by pointing to the audience, pointing to you.

_I love you._

“What does that mean?” Papyrus asks.

“It means Papyrus is a butthead.”

“I... don't think that's it.”

“Beautiful.  Sometimes the fewest words speak the loudest.  Well I think that's all for today...”

Nothing else happens.  Mettaton and Frisk say goodbye, and Mettaton tells you to subscribe to his channel before the video ends.

“‘Kay guess we’re going to Hotland.”

“I think that's taking things a bit far?  We should let the police know!  How does this work?  Do we call 911?”

“We go to Hotland and pay Sparklepants a visit.”

“Well your suggestion isn't completely stupid, we should definitely tell him.”

Papyrus leaves a long comment on the video explaining that the kid’s a missing person, and tells the audience to report them if they see them anywhere.  He says that now people all over the world will be looking for Frisk, though you doubt many viewers are looking in the comments section.

“There's actually a million reasons I wanna go to Hotland,” you say.  “There's the kid but, we haven't been out of Snowdin in a while.  And... I also gotta watch anime with my friend.”

“You should sleep on it,” Papyrus says sternly, “and calm down.”

“Calm down?  My dude, you were screaming a few minutes ago.”

“Try to make a rational decision!  Besides, if Frisk is in Hotland already, they might be gone by the time you get there!”

“Huh.  Good point.”  Can they teleport?  What the hell is this kid anyway?

“This is good news!  We’re a few steps closer to finding Frisk!”

“I don’t think this is gonna make a difference...”

“Fine, _you_ go to sleep.  I’m going to go see what else I can do.”

He gets up.  You tug on his sleeve.  “Hey wait.  I can help.”

“No.  I want you to sleep.”

“Can’t say no to that...”

He wishes you a tired goodnight and leaves you to go back to sleep.  Now that this has come up, you don’t know if you can.  What the hell did Mettaton have to do with anything?  You think you can vaguely remember him.  Oh yeah, that was probably the other thing Frisk drew.  Mettaton as a robot, that’s fitting.  That dude seems pretty artificial on camera.

So they got bored of you and went to visit another friend.  Or were they sending you a message...?  Nah, you’re not that special.  That kid might have even more friends than you do.

☠☠☠

_Undyne’s fist smashes against the ground.  She kneels by the ashes and curses out the human.  Quickly she changes her mind and decides that they had to.  She would have done the same if she were in their place._

_She isn’t there— the same thing happens.  They kill the king and leave._

_No one is there— you’re the only one left.  Still, the king is dead._

_They kill the king, take his soul, and leave without even saying goodbye._

 

What a jerk.  So that’s what kind of person they were, a hit-and-run driver.  You understand now.  You remember.  You sit yourself up and wrack your brains, trying to remember the whole dream.  It’s vital you remember— there could be hints.  You have a new hint now, you think you’d seen him before, but you never dwelled too long on it.  The king dying wasn’t as important to you as Papyrus, or the disappearance of Toriel’s voice.

But who, you wonder now, besides for Toriel, would wanna kill good old Fluffybuns?  And the Frisk you know, are they after him now?  Nah, you don’t believe that anymore.  But they’re on their way now— they’re in Hotland.  They’re right near the Capital.  You can’t just be looking too deep into things— it makes sense.  Does Asgore Dreemurr, like everyone else, know Frisk?

Before this week, you’d be telling yourself you were dreaming about Fluffybuns because of all that’s happened, what with Alphys reminding you of what he had with Toriel.  You’d dream about him dying because of a subconscious desire to eliminate the competition or something.  Because hell, _you_ were chicken to go after anyone, why not let a kid do it?

But, not only does that go against everything you are, apparently, they’re real visions from another life.  You’re allowed to take them seriously.  And it’s good— just like before, you have nothing against the big guy.  You don’t want to.

You get up and throw your clothes on in a daze.  You wander into the kitchen where a sudden voice jolts you out of your head.

“So?  Did you sleep on it?”

Papyrus crosses his legs and folds up a newspaper, pushing a carton of milk forward.  “Oh yeah.  We’re going to Hotland.”

Papyrus sighs.  “I took care of it!  There’s no need!”

“But.  Anime.”

“Oh that’s right.   _Anime._  Is this... _anime_ really worth the trip?”

“Is friendship worth the trip?” you ask.  You sit down.  You pour yourself a glass of milk and chug it.  “Lemme let you in on a little secret; I think anime is dumb except for this one that hit kinda close to home.  Then again, I’m only speaking for the anime I’ve seen.  But.  It’s not about enjoying the show, it’s about _bonding.”_

“As long as you admit that anime is for babies.”

“Sure if you wanna show babies bouncing titties.  But.  As I was saying.  Anime means a lot more to me than scantily clad lolitas.  Anime symbolizes _friendship._  This is something you don’t have an easy time getting, because if you did, you’d try to like the things I like.  I started liking a lot of the things _you_ like, like Undies.  She’s an... acquired taste, and so is anime.”

“You are not normally this philosophical in the morning.”

“In short I think we should all go and take a nice vacation and make new memories.”

“Right _now?”_

“No time like the present, you know how long I usually put things off?  I think my average is around seven years.  I gotta bring that down.”

“How spontaneous and very unlike you!” Papyrus says.  “I think this is showing improvement!  Did you ask Alphys about this?”

“Good point.”

No time like the present.  You don’t waste another second to take your phone out of your pocket.

 

_*yknow its reeeally hard not to look up pmmm spoilers so we should go ahead and watch those movies soon as we can  
*sometime this week thats how hyped i am_

 

You’re not really taking advantage of your friend if you plan to visit her first, are you?  Nah, you’re taking advantage of everyone.  This’ll be fun.

And after you’ve gotten through the angsty magical girl movies, you’ll make a quick stopover at the Capital.  You need to pay your girlfriend’s ex a visit to see if he can help you find her kid.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frisk: i wanted to know what would happen if i killed ppl  
> snas: people die when they are killed.
> 
> Dogamy and Dogaressa get the least attention out of all the Grillby's regulars in my fic, so they get one chapter where they get to shine and make a cameo as your average parody of a good married couple.
> 
> Note about the sign language Frisk used: I know there's a shorthand way to say "I love you," but I figured the longhand way would be universally understood by all their audience. So that's what they used.


	30. Cartoons for Babies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which nothing plot relevent happens and everyone has a sleepover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains... some spoilers for the PMMM Rebellion movie. You should watch it first if you care about PMMM.

“YO I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!”

“SO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT!!”

“Guys please we haven’t left Snowdin yet.”

“MY CAR, MY RULES!” Undyne yells.  “IF YOU’RE IN MY CAR IT’S LIKE, A _RULE_ TO SING ALONG WHEN THE SPICE GIRLS COME ON THE RADIO!”

“Sans, what is a ‘zigazag-ah?’”  Papyrus asks.

“It doesn’t exist, bro.”

“THEN HOW CAN WE GIVE THE SPICE GIRLS WHAT THEY REALLY REALLY WANT?!”

“CALM DOWN AND SIIIIIIING~!  If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends~~”

You sing along, but they don’t hear a word of it over their screeching.  You’ve been told you’re actually a pretty good singer; there was one time Alphys overheard you in the shower and told you she thought someone next door was playing the radio really loud.  There was another time too, you got really drunk in Grillby’s and stood on a table and put on a musical for your friends.  Red said you didn’t sound bad but the others were too hungover to remember.

When you first heard Toriel’s voice, you thought stupidly that you’d sound good together.  With that soft, clear voice of hers... why didn’t you ever ask to try a duet?  You can add this to your list of regrets; of reasons you’re risking your hearing in a stuffy car to Hotland.

Hotland isn’t exactly _that_ far away, but with the crazy unpredictable traffic the trip can take anywhere between forty minutes to three hours.  According to Google maps, it looks like today’s gonna be one of those three hour trips.

You haven’t taken a trip this long in... years.  Your mild claustrophobia brought on waves of anticipation, and you were exhausted as soon as you got in the car.  You don’t like being stuck in small places without being able to leave.  Brings up too many bad memories of being stuck in the basement.  Shame, since Pap loves cars.  Maybe someday you can get a motorcycle.  Or a fancy tricycle.  You’d love to cruise down the highway in a motorized tricycle...

“Well, that was fun!” Undyne says once the song is over.

“I sure do love the classics!”

Somewhere you zoned out and stopped singing.  “Can I choose the next song?” you ask.

“No!”

“Can I?” asks Papyrus.

“NO!” Undyne screams.  “I’M THE DRIVER!”

“Think you needa repeat that a few more times, just to make it more clear.”

“We’re very aware,” Papyrus adds, “that you’re driving the car.”

“The car which belongs to you.  That you’re driving.”

“THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S MY CAR AND I’M DRIVING IT!”

“And lemme tell you, sitting inside two tons of hurtling death with you as its pilot makes me feel safe as an infant in the loving arms of its birthgiver.”

“I HOPE YOU SAID YOUR PRAYERS BECAUSE— Because...”  Undyne slows down and comes to a complete stop before a red light.  “Yeah.”

“You cannot be tamed.”

Undyne puts on her turn signal and makes the turn onto the highway.  Maybe her turns are a little sharp and her stops a little rough, but you don’t think you’ll be dying on your way to Hotland.  “I have to get you there alive!” she says.  “The rebellion movie is so important!”

“Oh!  Speaking of important!”  Papyrus swivels his body around in his seat.  “Sans did you ask Alphys if Mettaton’s home?”

“I hope not!” Undyne answers for you.

“Uhh, she told me he’s kind of in and out and... unpredictable.”

“Forget about Mettaton!” Undyne says.  “I didn’t offer to drive you idiots all the way to Hotland to see that backstabbing, life-saving fucker!”

“Yeah don’t worry,” you add, “I didn’t ask you to drive us to see Mettaton either.  I just asked you ‘cause I needed the ride.”

“If you’re gonna use me as a taxi you get to pay your fare!”

Papyrus reaches into his pocket and takes out his wallet.  “NOT YOU!” Undyne yells, swipes the wallet out of his hand, and tosses it in the back seat.  It lands right next to you.  How cute, it’s bright orange.  “You have special privilege!”  

“Friendship privilege?”

“It’s called being less of an asshole privilege!  Assholes have to pay a special fine for being assholes!”

“Can I put it on my tab,” you ask.

Undyne says you can.  Papyrus asks for his wallet back.  He decides to add a thank you to Undyne for being the driver.  “Yeah, I freaking love being the carpool lady!”  Undyne’s fingers tighten on the steering wheel.  “And by that I mean get your own car next time, dweebs.”

“But then I’ll have less excuses to go on fun trips with you!”

“Aww...”

If there’s such a thing as platonic flirting, these two are experts and it’s almost embarrassing.  It’s good Undies is back to herself, you were a bit weirded out last time you saw her, and though there was something very sweet about her violent displays of affection, one of the flattery suplexes she gives Papyrus would probably kill you.  So on some level, it might be good keep to her bad side sometimes.

Your pocket vibrates after you give Papyrus his wallet back.  You check your phone and find texts from Alphys and a couple of your friends.  When did you get so popular?

 

_*are you on your way yet?  
*the traffic’s really bad i’m sorry we should have picked a different day  >.>;;_

_*i dont mind  
*undies is an entertaining driver_

_*UNDIES?? lol thats what i’m calling her from now on!!! xD xD xD_

_*didnt i actually think her name was undies once_  
_*why does everyone we know have such fuckass names_  
_*now my name may be unusual but its one syllable, sounds almost like it could be a common name_  
_*but alphys_  
_*what language even is that_  
_*and motherfucking napstablook_  
_*why cant anyone i know be a joe, or a bob_  
_*wait i know a bob_  
_*nevermind i know one bob_

_*..._  
*i see ur point but i don’t think anyone’s worse off than asgore.  
*WAIT BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING YOU WERE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR THAT WEREN’T YOU?

_*how do you know me better than anyone  
*alphys i know youre into fucked up shit but its a little weird to be into ass gore_

_*i think most people pronounce it AZ-gore =_=_

_*thats even worse_

_*besides i’ve kind of gotten over him!  i’ve changed a lot as a person ok??_

_*what happened  
*was undies so powerful she blew everyone else off the crush list_

_*i’ve had my mind on too many things to focus much on that stupid list anymore.  
*also i’ve been disappointed by too many hot people._

_*mtt?_

_*we don’t talk about MTT._

_*ok_  
*so uh  
*papyrus has a bed right

_* *narrows eyes at the subject change* yeah i told u the couch pulls out.  
*and unless he’s really fussy he should be fine._

_*hes a lil fussy_

_*space may be a little tight in the living room so  
*if u don’t mind sharing, it’s a queen-sized bed_

_*eh its cool i brought a sleeping bag  
*im pretty sure papyrus likes his personal space_

_*did you ask him?_

_*no_

_*well i found the blow up mattress_

_*goody_

 

You take a look at your other messages.  Three of your friends at Grillby’s told you they need you for a birthday party they’re throwing Doggo tomorrow night.  It breaks your heart to tell them you’re busy.  Bunny’s especially mad at you, cursing you out in proper spelling, syntax, and grammar in her texts, which scares you.  The only other texts you have from Buns are illegible.  You wish her luck on her path to sobriety.

“Damn,” you say to no one in particular, “I’m missing Doggo’s birthday.”

“It’s Doggo’s birthday?!” Undyne asks.

“You know Doggo?”

“Yeah I know Doggo!”

Papyrus frowns at her.   _“How_ do you know Sans’s crazy friends?”

“I uh...”  Undyne looks off to the side.  You remind her to keep her eye on the road.  “I’m... in Snowdin sometimes, yknow?”

“It’s time you come clean to Papyrus about your disgusting eating habits.”

“NEVER!”

“Disgusting eating habits?  Undyne!  You don’t eat at Grillby’s, do you?!”

“NO!  GREASE IS TERRIBLE FOR YOU!  I ONLY EAT HEALTHY AND YOU SHOULD TOO!”

Your phone buzzes again.  There’s a text from Grillby, that’s rare.  All it says is:

 

_*..._

 

Red adds,

 

_*Grillbz will miss you tomorrow but he wishes you a safe trip  
*I think_

 

Your phone buzzes again.  At this rate you’ll be out of battery long before your trip is over.

 

_*i’ve got like no food at home lol do u wanna get pizza or burgers?_

_*a change of pace might be nice.  i say pizza  
*wait isnt undyne cooking_

_*i forgot lmao i’m such an idiot  
*i still have no food tho haha she’s driving right?  can u ask her what she wants to cook?_

 

It takes a few seconds to get Undyne’s attention over the blaring speakers.  Papyrus turns the sound down for her and you give her Alphys’s message.

 

_*she said fish_  
_*thats not very specific_  
_*ok she said salmon_  
_*thats more specific_

_*lol_  
_*i hope the mattress is ok >.>_

_*im sure its fine_

_*i only used it once tho_  
_*undyne dragged me out camping xD  but she kind of punctured the mattress with her teeth O.o_

_*why did she eat the mattress_

_*i don’t know??  i patched it up i hope it doesnt pop in the middle of the night >_<_

_*thatd be amusing_  
_*dont worry alph_  
_*my standards arent that high_  
_*you dont have to worry about making the place perfect_  
_*just be your lovable old self_

 

Undyne screams at the radio for not having any good songs on.  Papyrus opens up the window and he and Undyne have fun shouting things out of it.  Silly phrases like _Your mom’s a bus_ and _I’m a fluffy bunny rabbit_ and, as above this as you are, it’s kind of a shame you can’t join in.  You tell them this.  Undyne asks why not.

“I can’t scream.”

“What?  Papyrus, is he lying?”

“I don’t know if he _can’t_ scream, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard it with my own ears.”

“That’s awful!  No one should live their life without screaming!  Screaming’s half the fun of having fun!”

“Tell that to my traumatized childhood.  I’m too tragic, Undies.”

“Fuck that, right now I’m gonna teach you how to scream!  Cmon, try it now!  Show us your war cry!”

“My war cry goes like this.  No.”

“Start at the back of your throat and... put your heart into it!  NnngaaaAAAHHH!”

“Nyah.”

“No not like that.”

Papyrus takes a deep breath.  “NYEHHH!”

“NOT LIKE THAT EITHER!”

“NYEH!”

You ignore the rest of this tomfoolery and go back to your phone.  It takes Undyne and Papyrus less than a minute to forget what the purpose of their screaming was.  You ask Alphys what she’s up to.  She says she’s tidying up.  Since her last depressive episode, the place has been a mess.  Undyne tried to help clean up last time she was there, but gave up after she accidentally made a mess of the lab.  She wound up breaking and blowing things up, but at least she meant well.

You’re glad Alphys didn’t yell and beat the crap out of her like your old dad would have done, but that’s long in the past.  Alphys must be pretty well off to have her own lab.  She sends frequent comments on how awful her house is.  There’s dust everywhere, she found a kabillion spiders in every nook and cranny, her sheets haven’t been changed in too long.  You tell her to take things one step at a time.  And stay hydrated.

 

_*i’ve been such a mess =_______=_

_*i was so bad i had a self-sustaining tornado made of trash in my room for 2 years  
*im sure youre not that bad_

_*how does that even work???_

_*idk  
*as long as you dont get that bad im sure youre fine_

_*this is the worst part about depression lmao_

_*?_

_*having to CLEAN UP AFTER MYSELF!_

_*yeah_  
_*gotta pick up the pieces your self destructive self left strewn out all over the place_  
_*pick it up before someone else trips over them_

_*i kind of wish that feeling better made everything else better._

_*yeah i get that_  
_*its a fucking pain in the ass but yknow_  
_*to some people it doesnt go unnoticed_  
_*undyne told me a while ago that she sees it_  
_*how hard you work_

_*she did???_  
_*i’m blushing holy shit o////o_  
_*well even if thats true i wish i had more to give_  
_*god i just feel like such a thorn in her side sometimes._  
_*don’t tell her ok?_

_*shes not completely dense i think shes at least semi aware of your feelings_  
_*but thats not whats important to her_  
_*from what it sounds like she doesnt want you to change_

_*yeah..._  
_*well i’m trying not to focus on negative stuff like that anymore._  
_*i made everyone panic a couple weeks ago but i’m going to make it up to them by working on myself._  
_*and become a better person_  
_*not a different person just try to become more healthy!_  
_*i just have to do the best i can u know?_  
_*ugh what am i talking about =_=’_

_*youre too hard on yourself  
*hey hows your housemate that wont be named treating you?_

_* *rolls eyes*_  
_*well he’s not terrible these days_  
_*he was really nice last week but he’s gone back to being obnoxious again_  
_*not mean just obnoxious_

_*is that better or worse than usual_

_*ugh MUCH better!_  
_*but he’s like_  
_*he thinks the best way to help is to show me his tv shows and videos because they make EVERYONE feel better lmao_  
_*i mean he does have a purpose he tells me that it’s all because of the work i did to his body that he’s made everyone so happy with his vids and stuff_  
_*”alphys i’m so beautiful and it’s all because of your good work!”  ugh thanks mettaton_

_*that doesnt seem too horrible_

_*it’s not_

_*who hates him more you or undies_

_*oh DEFINITELY undies 8)_  
_*OMG ITS SO FUNNY xD_  
_*but they’ve been really civil to each other since the_  
_*ok i’m guessing you know about how i had that_  
_*scare_  
_*...so ok it was mettaton who found my_  
_* *dEEP SIGH*_  
_*my suicide notes._

_*oh really?  
*no i definitely did not know that detail you just mentioned_

_*i figure i can tell u because u don’t like_  
_*freak out unless ur angry at someone_  
_*i’m sorry for unloading ugh_

_*its ok ill unload next_

_*u ok? O.o_

_*well now i am_

_*lol_  
_*anyway i rlly didnt want anyone seeing those while i was still alive and since i had to go through that i think that was like one of the worst things that could happen_  
_*i hate disappointing people and i do it too much_  
_*so when that happened i thought it was all over but_  
_*u know it wasn’t_  
_*u know how they say once uve hit rock bottom there’s no way to go but up?  i think that kind of happened_

_*i know_  
_*i didnt tell you yet did i?_  
_*i hit my rock bottom last winter and since then welp_  
_*a year ago if i heard breaking my leg would be the best thing that coulda happened i woulda called bullshit_

_*yeah me too!_  
_*i guess the breaking your leg thing and also what happened to me? <.<;;_  
_*because honestly now that ive been through that i think i can get through anything now_  
_*it kills me sometimes that if i hadn’t made it i never would have heard from u again._

_*heh you too  
*nevermind lets not go down that road_

_*yeah_

_*i always knew you had it in you_

_* >\\\\\<_

_*but speaking of your friend mtt have you seen his newest video  
*i dont really keep up with mtt but i found this video really worth watching_

 

You don’t get a reply for the next five minutes.  You stare out the window until your phone finally buzzes again.

 

_*OH MY GOD._

_*yeah_

_*i’m gonna have a word with him  
*and if he doesn’t tell his fans about frisk i’m kicking him out_

 

You look out the window and stare at the trees fly past.  The radio’s off now.  You put your phone back in your pocket and don’t hear it buzz for a while.  After an hour of highway driving, Undyne and Papyrus are starting to cool down.  They’ve fallen to staring as well.  Now you’re bored.

“Guys I’m bored.”

“Let’s play a game!” Papyrus suggests.

“Undies I have a very serious question for you.”  You watch her eye narrow in the rearview mirror.  “Your hairstyle, was your inspiration Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender?”

“No,” she answers.  “Well a little.  The honest truth is that it was...”  She heaves a deep sigh.  “An accident.”

“No way.”

“I was trying to do an undercut and... it went wrong, okay!?  So I took a razor to it and went crazy!!  And then!  I made the most of it!”

“We can learn a very important lesson from this,” Papyrus adds.

“NO WE CAN’T!  MY LIFE STORIES DON’T HAVE MORALS!”

“Make the best of everything!  And use Avatar characters as your role models!”

“Okay that _is_ a good lesson.  But that can apply to any story!”

“So you didn’t do it to impress Alphys?” you ask.

“Undyne doesn’t need to do anything to impress anyone,” Papyrus says.  “All she has to do is stand still, and maybe throw a boulder.”

“I’m not _that fucking shallow,”_ Undyne seethes.  “I do not style my hair to impress girls!”

Papyrus crosses his arms.  “That’s a lie and you know it.”

“Nah it’s a whole lot more badass to admit it was an accident than to say she did it to win a girl.”  You wink at her reflection.  “So if it wasn’t your fiery warrior’s ponytail, what finally got you two together in the end?”  That story about Alph loudly confessing her love to a real kid she thought was imaginary and Undyne overhearing from behind a garbage pail, that’s the greatest love story you ever heard.  You want to hear it from Undyne, too.

“Oooh, I have a lot to say about that.  It was all,” Papyrus says, “because of me!”

“That’s a lie and you know it,” Undyne repeats.

“During the early stages of our friendship,” Papyrus continues, “when I learned of her crush, I knew that since those two were, how should I say it...”

“I’m not sure if you’re thinking what I’m thinking but I’m thinking, as dense as romcom anime protagonists?”

“That works!  They needed a lot of help.  I told her she had no right to pretend to be tough when she couldn’t even tell her crush how she felt!”

Undyne’s eye twitches.  “Wow, okay, you’re pretending that everything happened because when we played truth or dare you went the third grader route and asked...”  She puts on a high obnoxious voice.   _“Who do you liiiiike~?”_

Papyrus grins.  “Alphys mentioned ‘incidents,’” you add.  “But she wouldn’t tell me what that meant.”

 _“What_ were you talking to her about.”

“What incidents?  Do you mean— OH.”  He snorts.  “Ah yes.  The _incidents.”_  He chuckles.  Undyne yells at him to shut up.

“Sorry Sans,” she tells you, “but you have to be a level four friend to unlock that part of my backstory.  You’re like, bordering between two and three, so _start climbing jackass.”_

“Aww.  I’m not good enough?  Papyrus we’re at least level four, tell me about the incidents.”

“It’s a great story, but you have to be Undyne’s level four friend first.”

“I’m offended.  It’s cool I can fill in all the blanks for myself.  Knowing you two I bet you were like, making out in the back of a movie theater and still bein’ all, _‘does she really like me?’_  I don’t even need to use my imagination for this, I had to sit through enough anime romcoms to know what an ‘incident’ is.”

“Yeah you can go fuck yourself in the back of a movie theater.”  She’s blushing.  How adorable.

“Maybe someday if you learn to be as good a friend as I am, we can share stories.  After all, I barely know anything about how you met Toriel!”

“Yeah... as of lately it’s a bit of a sore topic.”

Since the night she hung up on you, you haven’t dared to look in your text messages.  You’ve wanted to revisit old memories, the happy meme times when everything was okay...  But you know where that would lead.  Back into the spiraling pits of depression.  You’re tempted to delete all your messages, but that would be taking the Toriel route.  You won’t do what she did, you won’t abandon those memories just yet.  Or maybe you’re just too lazy to delete them.  You’re still holding onto the hope that she’ll get bored and come back.

“Hey... look.”  Undyne’s mouth twitches.  “I’m sorry about what happened with Toriel and... if you’re doing this to take your mind off things, I think it’s a great idea.”

“Uhh...”

“Sometimes things just don’t work out the way they should but... we’re making the most of it!  If that woman wants to hide behind closed doors for the rest of her life, good for her!”

“Undyne I think Sans said this is a _sore topic—”_

“You really don’t like her,” you interrupt.  “What’ve you two got against each other?”

“I never had anything against _her,_ but she well...”  She pauses.  “To be honest, I didn’t know what she had against _me!_  She wouldn’t let me hang around the house when I was a kid because she thought I’d be a bad influence on Asriel.  I mean, to be honest, I wasn’t the most well-behaved kid but...  Even after I got out of anger management and stopped being such a punk, it was like she didn’t believe I could grow up.”

“Huh.”

“It’s complicated,” Undyne sighs.  “I don’t know if it’s just my impression, but Toriel seems to have this mentality that... people can’t change.  If you make one bad decision, that’s it, you’re evil.  You’re unforgivable.  I’m honestly kind of surprised she didn’t blame _me_ for what wound up... happening to Asriel.”

“Ha, _you?”_  Undyne keeps her eye on the road.  Everyone is silent for several seconds.  “Nevermind, we don’t need to dredge up our horrible pasts—”

“You know how she _freaking fired me_ because—”

“You thought it’d be fun to fight the kids?”

“Chara needed an outlet!  You know about Chara, right?  To put it lightly they were messed up!”

“Who’s Chara?” asks Papyrus.

“KEEP UP!” Undyne yells.  “Y’know, I’m not sure if you want to hear this so...  Before this leads to another scene... stop me if you don’t like what I’m saying.”

“Uh, okay.”

“Okay.  Yeah.  Chara was...”

“Messed up.”

“Yeah.  They were... kind of violent.  They made up lots of fantasy stories about brutally murdering all bad people and ruling the world with Asriel.  Which... they really seemed to believe would happen someday.  They’d mangle all adults who were mean to children and make kids in charge of the world.  Which... wouldn’t be _too_ weird for a kid if they had a way to channel that.  And... when _I_ was a kid, you know Gerson the veteran— Shit, I’m never gonna finish this story.  I thought maybe what Chara needed was discipline and training!”

“So.  You tried to play mom.”

“Maybe...?”  She looks at your reflection, checking if you’re still paying attention, then turns back to the road.  “They’d pick on Asriel when there was nothing else to do.  So I told them to pick on someone their own size instead.  And you know what?  They enjoyed it.  I never hurt that kid, it wasn’t really _fighting,_ I just let them come at me and tried to teach them how to land a hit and defend themself.  But Toriel wouldn’t hear that from me, and she wouldn’t hear it from Asgore either.  But... he kind of sucks at standing up for himself, so it was a lost battle from the start.”

“From your disclaimer I expected something worse,” you say.  “Eh, I guess I don’t really mind, not everyone in the world is meant to like each other.  But, keep in mind what your complaint about Toriel is, she doesn’t think people can change, right?  So, what if she changes?  Think you could ever find it in your heart to forgive her?”

Undyne’s eye narrows to a glare.  “If you can get her to apologize to Asgore for how she treated him, I’ll consider it.”

“I think you two have a lot in common,” you tell her, winking at her reflection.  “You two are stubborn, won’t let anything stand in your way, and constantly try to put others before yourselves.  Both of you wanna make the world a better place, you just have different values.  I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of you ever becoming friends.”

“Don’t fucking count on it.”

“Think of this as your biggest challenge,” says Papyrus.  “Years of animosity and bitterness, harder to break through than a block of titanium!  Conquering your past and moving on will make you a master of body, heart, mind, and soul!”

“I know your tricks by now!  Challenging me won’t work anymore!”

“So you’ve given up already!”

Undyne hisses.  He brings up that she’s forgiven you and now you’re on a happy road trip, she can do anything.  They argue until they fade out of it and grow bored.  Undyne growls at the traffic she hits on the bridge to Hotland.  The traffic stretches on as far as the eye can see.  It’d be the perfect time for a nap if not for all the sudden lurching forward and stopping and lane changing, as though saving thirty seconds of the journey would make any difference.

“Isn’t there a car service that goes from Snowdin to Hotland?” Undyne asks.

“Yep,” you answer.  “You know River?  I think they make that trip.”

“Then... WHY DIDN’T WE GET A RIDE?”

“It’s expensive.”

“Is River that weird taxi driver?” asks Papyrus.  “That person confuses me.”

“No one gets River,” says Undyne.  “But everyone knows them.”

 _“Them..._ what _is_ River?  A man?  A woman?  Is that a rude question...?”

“Yknow one time I asked River their preferred pronouns,” you say, “but uh, all they answered with was some cryptic advice about keeping track of all left socks on Tuesday afternoons or something...  Eh, River is River.  That’s all there is to ‘em.”

“Maybe they just haven’t decided yet,” Papyrus says.

“I can relate,” says Undyne seriously.  “Identity takes a long time to discover.  When I was young, you know... I didn’t know I was gay.”

“What did you think you were?” asks Papyrus.

“A dragon!”

“What, are you saying dragons can’t be gay?!”

“Nope, all dragons are actually HELLA gay!”

“I do not understand.”

“But then I realized!  I’m actually a shark!”

“Nah actually...”  You hate to interrupt, but remembering Frisk’s drawing, you wonder if her identity has anything to do with this.  “You’re like a smurf fish.  A really tall smurf fish.”

“A smurf...?”

“Undyne’s not a smurf,” Papyrus says.  “She’s more like those scary fish guardian things in Minecraft—”

“Whoa, no more computer games for you.  Though.  You’re right.”

“Minecraft’s for babies!” Undyne yells.  “I only play _real_ games like Overstory and Underobserve.”

“The fuck is Underobserve.”

“It’s fairly new.”

Traffic’s brought all movement to a stop.  Undyne groans.  Papyrus again suggests a game.  They play some mind-numbing game with letters and numbers that Papyrus seems to enjoy but Undyne screams is stupid.  They stop playing and put the radio back on.  It takes half an hour to cross the bridge.  It sucks all of Undyne’s spirit out of her eye.  Papyrus starts to fall asleep.  The traffic starts moving and Undyne’s able to drive twenty miles an hour (in a 45 mph speed zone) for ten minutes until it slows again.

At least you’re in Hotland.  Just approximately an hour and a half left to your journey.  You’re halfway there time-wise, but with the remaining congestion, it’d probably be faster to walk to Alphys’s house at this point.  Papyrus’s eyes nearly droop closed until you stop at the next traffic light and Undyne yells, “CHINESE FIRE DRILL!”

“Whuh—”

“OUT OF THE CAR, PUNKS!”  Undyne opens the door and jumps out of her seat.  Papyrus yelps and hops out after her.  They run around the car and make it back just as the light turns green.

They repeat this game at the next light, and after that one, you decide to join them.  You speed around the car before they know you got up.  Undyne glares at you when she sits back down.  “Was that _you_ that whooshed past me?”

“No.”

“How do you _get_ that fast?”

“Running from responsibilities,” answers Papyrus.

Though you are fast, your endurance is terrible.  You’re too tired to keep playing more than a few more rounds.  You let Undyne and Papyrus continue their stupidity while you curl up on the back seat for a nap.

You almost fall asleep before you’re woken up to what sounds like a screaming contest.  “Guys...” you mutter, uncurling yourself and sitting up.  “Either of you know about the likelihood of people with OI going deaf?”

“No,” says Undyne.

“Yes,” Papyrus admits, and lowers his voice.

“Thanks... find another way to entertain yourselves, ‘kay?”

You whip out your phone and, on instinct, nearly open up your messages with Toriel to complain.  Then you remember you’re not talking now.  Instead, you message Alphys.  She responds with a good, solid

 

_*lol_

 

You realize how your relationship has changed, now that you don’t need a replacement Papyrus anymore, she may be becoming your new long-distance chatting buddy.  Maybe you’re just overthinking, you’re overtired from getting so little sleep the night before.  But you hope that you’re not just keeping Alphys as a replacement; you’ve used her in the past, you don’t need to make her your replacement Toriel.

☠☠☠

A flurry of dust surrounds you until you feel a physical lurching sensation from outside your body.  You open your eyes and the dust fades.  As you blink yourself awake, you find yourself slowing down.  It’s so quiet... are you really still in the car...?  You push yourself into a sitting position and catch sight of Undyne’s flaring red ponytail.  Her shoulders hunch over, she looks positively wiped.  Next to her, Papyrus is half asleep.

“Are we there yet?” you ask.

“We’re there,” Undyne groans.

Papyrus’s eyes snap open.  “We’re there?”

“Yeah dipstick.  We’re _there.”_

You yawn and look out the window.  The car’s pulled into a little driveway in front of a very square-looking house.  Knowing Alphys, you didn’t expect her house to be this big.  The place isn’t huge, and it’s not too fancy, but it’s bigger than your two-story two-bedroom house in Snowdin.  Then you remember Sparklypants lives here too.  The place may be big for Alphys, but underwhelming for Internet and Acting/Singing/Dancing Sensation Mettaton.

“I swear this is the longest it’s ever taken to get here,” Undyne says.  She pauses, staring blankly ahead.  In the silence, her stomach growls loudly.

“You know I offered you snacks several times,” Papyrus huffs.

“Well I was driving!”

“I’m hungry too,” you add.  Aside from that, your bladder is ready to burst.  “Also I need to pee.”

“Try to hold it till we get inside.”

She straightens up and rips the key out.  “WELL WE’RE HERE!” she shouts suddenly.  She throws the door open and hops outside, stretching in the sun.  Papyrus follows after her.  Undyne runs around to the back, grabs her stuff and runs to Alphys’s door.  You pick up your bag and drag yourself out of the car.

You hear the front door being thrown open, an excited shout of “BABY I’M HOME!” followed by loud smooching noises.  You wait outside the door with Papyrus to give them a few seconds of privacy until they separate.  Then you invite yourself inside.

It’s really yellow.  Or maybe lime?  It’s a short of light greenish yellow, yes.  Alphys, with her brightly dyed hair, and yellow tee shirt, is even yellower.  “Huh.  A tee shirt.  Fancy.”

“It’s not really,” Papyrus mutters.

Alphys stutters something about it being hot out, nothing wrong with getting out of a lab coat sometimes.  You look around and take in tiled floors, high ceilings and wide rooms.  The place appears as distinctly fireproof as Undyne promised.  It’s not the prettiest though, it seems there’s some renovations going on.  Weird electrical wiring sticks out all over the place.

“Nice place,” you remark.

“It’s uh, still a work in progress I mean— it’s not exactly _new_ but I h-haven’t really gotten around to... decoration in the main rooms I just—”

“The bedroom’s pretty decorated,” Undyne says.  “But hey, that’s all that matters!  It’s better to put all your focus and effort into one thing than half-ass all the—”

Papyrus interrupts Undyne in the middle of her profound statement by shoving past her.  “Hi, Dr. Alphys!”

He sticks out his hand.  Alphys looks from his hand, to you, to Papyrus’s face.  “Um.  Hi, Pa...pyrus...?”

“The one and only!”  He takes her hand and shakes it.  “I’m known by other names too— such as—”

“Coolskeleton95,” she says.  “Y-Yeah, I remember you from your comments.”

Papyrus grins.  You can see he’s touched.  “It’s great to finally meet you!” he says.  “I’ve heard so many great things about you from everyone!”

Alphys opens and closes her mouth like a fish out of water and finally regains her composure and asks if anyone would like a snack or something.  You’re about to ask where the bathroom is when she tells you, “Before you ask, the b-bathroom’s down the hall— right before the kitchen.”

“That will be helpful information in the future,” Papyrus says.

“Thanks,” you tell her.

The bathroom’s clearly marked by an odd bathroom sign in the shape of a lizard.  It’s clearly a bathroom sign, indicating that the restroom is to be used by members of the Lizard gender.

Maybe it’s just coincidence, but the cutely shaped soap and decorated towels remind you of Undyne’s Waterfall apartment.  But while Undyne’s theme was underwater wonderland, Alphys has kids’ dinosaur towels hanging up.  The soap is leaf-shaped.  You wonder if they bought their bathroom paraphernalia at the same store.

You come out of the bathroom in time to overhear Undyne asking “So how drunk are we all getting tonight?”

You follow her voice into Alphys’s kitchen.  It’s definitely fireproof— and shiny.  The brightness is nearly blinding.  Everyone’s sitting at a messy table that’s been cleaned by putting the mess into one pile.  There’s a stack of paper and dirty dishes piled up to prepare for your arrival.

“I don’t uh, have any alcoholic beverages in the house since— Alcohol’s a depressant—”

“Alcohol makes you depressed?” Papyrus asks.

“Well no, but it lowers neurotransmission levels and uh...  Well in layman terms it slows you down.  So with um, my line of, uhh...”  Papyrus smiles expectantly.  Alphys quells in his stare.

“Well,” Undyne speaks up, “I’ve got a couple beers in my car if you don’t mind slowing down just for one day.”

You join them at the table and tell them, “I’m a sad drunk so that might be a good thing.”

“Really?” Alphys asks.  “I thought you’d be the type of drunk to get up on a table and do a sarcastic strip tease or something.”

“Sarcastic strip tease.”

“Oh _god,”_ says Papyrus.  “Dr. Alphys, I’d like to apologize for any time my brother might have made you uncomfortable...  Sans you don’t strip in front of a lady!”

“Uh, ha... d-don’t worry,” Alphys says.  “Sans never did anything inappropriate, in fact uh...”  Undyne gives you the death glare.  “There weren’t any strip teases in our apartment, I promise!  Not even sarcastic ones!”

“Really, that’s very big of him.”  Papyrus glances at you.  “I’m glad Sans knows not to bare his butt in front of a lady.”

You snort.  Alphys giggles.  “It’s stupid,” Undyne mutters.

“Huh?  What is?”

“What’s wrong with baring your butt in front of ladies?  No lady’s gonna combust if she sees a butt!  Butts aren’t even sexual organs!  The hell do people have against butts?!”

“Says Undies.”

Alphys hides her face behind her hands to cover her giggles.  “I agree with you,” you continue.  “Free the booby.  Free the butt.”

“YEAH!” Undyne roars.  “Clothes are stupid!  They’re a pain the ass, get in the way, and make you hot as hell in the summer!  I think clothes should be abolished!  Let it all hang out!”

“There are nudist colonies,” Papyrus says disgustedly.

“No but, everyone goes naked!  Corporations, the media, no one can keep making stupid styles to make girls feel bad about themselves!  Yeah!  No more fashion!  To hell with society!”

“But then,” Alphys says, “there’s no way to cover up your body!  And girls and, boys too, they’ll feel bad about themselves if they don’t like their body and they can’t hide—”

“There’s no reason to feel bad about your body if everyone’s got it all showing!” Undyne answers.  “Everyone’ll just get used to it!’

“B-But winter—”

“Okay, people can wear clothes in the winter.”

“Form your own nudist colony,” Papyrus interrupts.  “But!  Put on clothes on Sunday so you can visit me!”

“Only if you _take off_ your clothes every _other_ Sunday to visit _ME!”_

“Oh god...” Alphys mutters.

“I agree with this nudist colony,” you say.  “Am I invited?”

“No,” says Undyne.   _“You_ need to keep wearing clothes.”

“What ever for.  What happened to this anti body-shaming movement you were starting.”

“You need the extra protection.  You need... _more_ clothes!  Like, full-body armor!  Or bubble wrap!”

“That’s the first good idea you’ve had all day!” says Papyrus.  “Let’s put Sans in bubble wrap!”

“I like where this is going,” you say.  “Got any bubble wrap, Alph?”

“Yeah,” she says, “but somehow I don’t think this is gonna end well.”

Papyrus and Undyne are completely bent on making you a bubble-wrap suit, Alphys worries you’re going to get hurt, so she interrupts and asks if they’d like a tour.  Papyrus apologizes for forgetting about her and says he’d love a tour.

“There isn’t _too_ much to show you,” she says.  “There’s um, a lot of rooms you can’t go into so, here’s... the first one.”  Next to the bathroom is a heavy door locked with three different locks, one of which, it appears, needs a scan of her fingerprint to open.  “Down there is the lab.  I can show you it if... if anyone wants to see.”

“I’m good,” you say before anyone else can answer.

 _“I’d_ like to see it,” Papyrus says.  “Please.”

“Okay.  I guess, Sans you can... wait up here?”

You seat yourself back at the kitchen table while Alphys scans her fingerprints to open the first lock, speaks into a microphone to open the second, and types in a code to open the third.  At least the door is much more advanced than Gaster’s old lab.  You wait while she gives them the tour.  You can barely hear Undyne and Papyrus’s loud voices behind the heavy metal door.  You’re kind of curious about what it’s like, you bet it’s incredible, but for now, you’d prefer having as little to do with that lab as possible.

After several minutes, the door opens back up, and Alphys emerges first, looking excited and much more confident than before.  “So that’s it!  I know you probably didn’t understand half of what I was saying but I hope you enjoyed that anyway!”

“That was amazing!” Papyrus gushes.  “It’s at least twice as big as my dad’s lab was!  And much better equipped for emergencies.”

“Th-Thanks?  Undyne helped me clean it so, th-that’s why it was a little messier than usual.”

“Heyyy, the floor’s so clean you could eat off it!  Also I got rid of all that dust you had on the shelves!  That shit was like an inch high!”

“Heehee, yeah.  It was.  Hi Sans, come on, let’s go over here.”

She leads you to a short hallway with a pink door on the end.  “That’s uh, Mettaton’s area of the house.”

“Ohmygosh,” Papyrus breathes.  “Can we see his room?!”

“N-No, he’d be... really angry at me, probably, if I let anyone in it.  It’s p-part of our rent agreement.  He keeps his area to himself.  So, let’s get away from here.”

The pink door at the end of the dark hallway looks rather ominous in your opinion.  Alphys leads you up the stairs and Undyne jumps in front of her to help out with the tour.  Her room is huge, it takes up the entirety of the second floor.  The walls are lined with bookshelves full of manga and DVDs.  She also has various figurines and action figures on her shelves.  Papyrus’s eyes glisten.

“You collect sexy action figures too?!”

“You like them?  Here’s Mew Mew—”  Alphys picks up a repugnant large-breasted miniskirt-clad figure from her shelf.  “She’s limited edition—”

“Do you have any that _aren’t_ anime?”

“N-no—”

“Hmmmm.”

“Forget him!” says Undyne.  “Check out these shelves!  This one’s organized alphabetically, and this one’s organized by color!”

You look at the selves.  There’s green at the top, and the rest of the colors don’t seem to be in any particular order.  “What’s the order.”

“Duh, it starts with the coolest colors and goes down to the ugliest ones!”

Papyrus gazes at the books at the bottom.  “I don’t think coral is ugly.”

You notice something on the next shelf and move past the color-organized one to pick up a lizard-shaped teacup.  It’s yellow, with scales painted onto it.  It reminds you of Frisk’s drawing.  “Huh, this is pretty cute.”

“Whoa, careful with that!” says Undyne.

“No, it’s okay,” says Alphys.  “It is cute, isn’t it?  It’s a gift from Asgore.”

“He has kind of a tradition of giving his friends personalized teacups,” Undyne adds.  “I’ve got a fish-shaped one!”

You turn the teacup over carefully in your hands and examine it.  It doesn’t look particularly expensive, not like it was custom made, more like Asgore saw it in the window of a cheap shop and decided to buy it because it reminded him of her.  In a way, that’s even sweeter.  What’s it with Fluffybuns and teacups?  You should get yourself a trademark like that.

“I wonder if my dad had one,” Papyrus wonders out loud.  You clutch the teacup tighter.  “What shape would it be?”

“I think he had a mug,” Alphys says.  “But I don’t remember what it looked like.  S-Sorry, Papyrus.”

“It’s nothing to worry about!”

“Yeah whatever, look over here!”  Undyne directs your attention to the bed, and you put down the lizard teacup.  It’s an enormous bed that Alphys says folds up into an easy-to-describe blue cube when she needs the extra space.  Undyne helps provide a demonstration by pushing a button on the side of the bed, and lo and behold— it folds right the fuck up.  Papyrus applauds.

Undyne goes ahead and touches everything in the room, activating lights and secret doors and cabinets.  Alphys confirms that she set it all up herself.  When asked how, Papyrus gets bored very quickly and admits he wasn’t paying attention.  Undyne points out all the anime merchandise and color schemes and has something to say about everything.  This room alone makes your house look lackluster by comparison, even with the zigzagged purple and turquoise carpeting covering all your floors.

“Your bed’s big enough for like four people,” you say.  “Why don’t we all just sleep here.”

Undyne grimaces.  Alphys hems and haws before saying she’d prefer you and Papyrus sleeping in the living room.  Papyrus says he understands and he’s perfectly alright sleeping on the couch.

“But the more the merrier,” you say.

Papyrus bends down and mutters, “If you were sleeping with Toriel, would you want Undyne in your bed with you?”

You ponder on that for a second.  You shudder.  “Point taken.”

Shame, her bed looks really comfortable.  If you do wind up staying three nights, maybe you can convince them to trade one night?  You’ve spent too many years sleeping on a crappy mattress on the floor, it’s screwing with your mind.  You want that bed so bad.

“You still have that Mew Mew body pillow?” you ask.

“Oh um, it kind of got... destroyed.  S-Sorry about that.”

“No biggy,” you say, but it kind of breaks your heart.

“Wait, _Sans_ got you that?” Undyne asks.  Alphys nods.  She looks from you to Alphys, her eye narrows.  “Yeah, that thing did not hold together well.”

“Eh.”  You shrug your shoulders.  You instinctively rub your arm over where the rubber bands are.  How in the world did a couple rubber bands last longer than a gigantic body pillow?  Sure you got it used and claimed it was new, but you couldn’t have known it wouldn’t last.  You couldn’t have known a lot of things wouldn’t last.  You can’t ever predict the completely random stoppings and startings, life keeps you completely on your toes, all the time—

“So about the fish!” Undyne says.

“The salmon!  It’s in the fridge!”

“Well I’m too cranky from driving to cook, let’s order a pizza instead!”

“And have salmon tomorrow!” says Papyrus.  “What a great idea!”

Alphys ends her tour in the living room, where the wall unfolds to reveal a huge widescreen TV.  It’s like a miniature movie theater.  She couldn’t have made it all herself— you wonder how much money she has now.  You’re proud of her.

“If you’re too cranky to cook,” Papyrus says to Undyne, “I can make us dinner myself!”

“Come to think of it I suddenly feel very cheerful and refreshed!”

So no pizza, Alphys asks, and they confirm, no pizza.  You couldn’t really care less either way.  Fish isn’t bad, even if it’s horribly charred.  Once you’ve eaten, they get right back up to make popcorn for the movie.  “This kitchen really is safe?” you ask Alphys.

“Completely explosion-proof!”

The sky’s darkening, right on time to begin movie night.  Last movie night with Undyne was fun, but that was aided heavily by the fart keychain.  It seems you left it at home.  It’s probably for the best, you don’t want to ruin Puella Meduka Menstruation with fake fart noises.  It deserves better.

“Guys, bring the beers in, will you?” Undyne asks.

“But I’m delicate,” you say.  “Go get em yourself, sushi.”

Alphys bends over to hide her snorts.  “I already drove you ungrateful bastards through _hell,_ what do you think I am, the all-purpose errand lady?”

 _“I_ am grateful!” Pap pipes up.

“Yeah, I’m going.  Cmon, bro.”

You walk away from the kitchen and hear Alphys repeatedly chuckling _“Sushi...”_ from behind your back.  You smile proudly at yourself.

Close to the door, you hear the crunching of gravel and peek out the window.  A car backs into the driveway and parks next to Undyne’s.

Papyrus gasps.  “Do you think that could be—”

“Only one way to find out.”  You push the door open.  A black-haired figure steps out of a white car with the licence plate MTT on it— a dead giveaway.  He straightens up and pauses.  He’s pretty tall, you think, he seems to be about as tall as Undyne.  He... staggers.  Leans against the car door for a second before straightening again and walking toward the front door.

You turn around.  Papyrus is frozen in place.  You step out and give MTT a friendly wave.

He looks up.  You look into the one eye you can see that’s not obscured by his bangs to gauge his expression.  Without the smile he wears in his videos, he looks somewhat different.  At least right now, his eye looks... tired.

“Excuse me beautiful, you’re kind of in my way,” he says, putting his smile back on.

You stand aside and bow him through the doorway.  He’s still staggering.  You wonder if the dude’s okay.  He stumbles past you without saying thanks and stops in the hallway when he sees Papyrus.

“Hello,” he says.

“I love you!” Papyrus blurts.

“Mmm, who doesn’t.”  

He staggers over to him like a dream-like undead creature.  “It’s kind of nice... to have company...  Don’t get that too often...”  Wow, he does not sound good.  “Hmmmm... those arms...”  He gazes at Papyrus and doesn’t seem to remember you’re there.  “They look sturdy.  How strong are you?”

“I work out!  A lot!” Papyrus says.  He flexes.  His eyes bulge.

“Good...”  Mettaton stops right in front of him.  “Catch me, darling.”

He falls forward.  Papyrus yelps as he falls right into him.  He just barely manages to catch him before he slips to the floor.

“Wow,” you say.  “Did that really just happen?”

“M-Mettaton?” Papyrus calls.  He shakes the body in his arms.  It flops around a bit.  “Oh god!  Sans is he dead?!”

“Uhh...”

“ALPHYS!!” Papyrus yells.  “DR. ALPHYS, WE NEED YOU!”

Alphys comes scurrying over, Undyne slinking along behind her.  “Oh not again...” she groans.

“Again?!  Wh-what’s going on?”

“Oh man... he’s _such_ a pain in the ass...”

“Does he frequently pass out on random people?” you ask.

“Yeah, _me._  If I’m in a good mood and he thinks I’ll carry him to bed.”  Alphys bends over and taps his face.  Mettaton grunts.  “Ugh, he’s not even completely out.”  He snores.  “Okay, nevermind.  D-Don’t worry Papyrus, he’s just uhh, asleep.”

“Is he— wh-what’s that word for people who fall asleep everywhere—”

“Narcoleptic?  No, he’s just lazy.”  Alphys sighs.  “I’ll take a look at him but he’s probably fine.”

“You’re lucky, Pap.  It’s not every day you meet a celebrity.”

You wink at him.  Papyrus’s arms tremble with the weight of the limp body in his arms.  “Can someone... help?  He’s actually heavier than he looks!”

“I’ll get his head,” Undyne volunteers.

“No don’t carry him by his head!”

Undyne winds up carrying Mettaton under his arms while Papyrus holds onto his legs.  They carry him awkwardly down the forbidden hallway to the pink door.  Alphys keeps apologizing while Papyrus reassures her there’s nothing to be sorry about.  Undyne tells him to hurry up so they can get Mettaton’s heavy ass into bed.

You don’t follow them into Mettaton’s room.  You keep Alphys’s part of the rental agreement and wait outside.  They take a while in there.  Papyrus keeps asking Alphys if there’s anything he can do, and Undyne keeps complaining and asking if they can watch the movie already.  You almost feel like intervening.

They emerge after a few minutes, with Papyrus still insisting on helping somehow.  “I promise, he’s just really wiped, the best thing we can do is give him peace and quiet so he can sleep.”

“But why isn’t he waking up?”

“He’s um... a really heavy sleeper?  Listen he, has the tendency to overwork himself a lot and gets... very tired.”

“So he’s...”  Papyrus looks at you.  “He’s like _Sans?!”_

“Um?  Is he?”

“Yeah,” Undyne says, “yeah in that vein, he’s a _lot_ like Sans!”

You smirk at Papyrus and bat your eyelids.  “It’s me, MTT.”  Papyrus looks more devastated than disgusted.  “Face it bro, your idol’s no better than I am.  You can’t escape it.”

“But Mettaton always stresses the importance of staying healthy and getting proper rest—”

“We should start the movie,” Alphys sighs.

Papyrus insists you need popcorn first.  He hops off to pop it and Undyne goes with him to supervise.  Alphys drops onto the couch.  You drop next to her.

“I dunno, he doesn’t seem like too much of a jerk.”

“No, he’s not exactly horrible, he just loves to take advantage of people.  Undyne actually... has even more receipts.  They used to be neighbors.”

“Oh really?  I can’t remember if I knew that or not.”

“She’s still holding a grudge because she didn’t like how he treated his cousin but... th-that’s none of my business so, I don’t really know anything about them.”

“You’re not talking about the Blook kid, are you?  Damn, who’d mistreat Napstablook?”

“W-Well like I said, it’s none of my business!”  She seems uncomfortable.  “Everyone’s got these long and complicated stories and s-sometimes, it gets... too tiring to keep track of it all.  Especially when _everything_ starts to overlap.”

“Heh... boy do I know...”

There’s probably one person who can put everyone’s stories together.  And they’re who knows where.  Hopefully on their way to the Capital.  Hopefully they haven’t left by now.  You’ll find out tomorrow.

For now, you’ll chill a bit.  If you can get yourself to relax.  Undyne and Papyrus make enough popcorn to feed an army.  Undies throws herself onto the couch next to Alphys and scoops her up.  “ALRIGHT BITCHES TIME TO GET OUR HEARTS RIPPED IN HALF!”

Papyrus sits next to you.  “I can’t believe I’m willingly watching an anime.”

“DUDE THIS ISN’T JUST ANIME!”

“This is,” says Alphys, “an... _experience.”_

“I’ve been waiting for this since I was like eighteen, don’t you diss the magical lesbians, Pap.”

“I’ll try,” he grumbles.

The opening credits play.  You’re ready to cry.  Just in the first few minutes, though you have no idea what the hell’s going on, it hits you with all sorts of nostalgia.  “D-Don’t worry if you can’t understand what’s going on right now, it’ll explain it later,” Alphys says.

“Yeah I figured.”

Red lesbian and blue bisexual are really getting it on.  “THAT’S MY OTP!” Undyne yells.

“You kidding me?  Purple lesbian and pink lesbian forever.”

“Where exactly does it specify that the girls are lesbians?” Papyrus asks.  “They seem to me like good friends!”

“Oh Papyrus...”  Alphys smirks at him.  “You’re really new.”

The movie’s really confusing you, and it’s not much better that neither Undyne nor Alphys will shut the fuck up for two seconds.  Alphys keeps trying to explain to you what’s going on while Undyne shouts and points to the screen during all of her favorite parts.  Alphys also has random trivia that Undyne adds to, proud to showcase her knowledge.

“This makes absolutely no sense,” says Papyrus.

“Oh my god can I just watch the movie.”

“Why are their faces so ugly?” Papyrus asks.  “I can draw better than that.”

“WHOA, did you just insult my WIFE?” Undyne yells.

“Kyoko is _my_ wife!” says Alphys.  “I mean I’m practically married to her already!”

“MY WAIFU IS MY LAIFU!”

“Okay I’m done.”  Papyrus stands up.  Undyne releases Alphys and throws him back down onto the couch.

“Guys shut up I can’t hear anything.”

Things happen.  Holy shit this movie’s good.  You’re glad you don’t have the fart keychain to tempt you.  Papyrus is just sour because he doesn’t get it.  It’s not for him.  And— oh god, Homura no.  Why Homura.  Oh god no, you can’t take this.

“You know Homulilly’s appearance was altered from her original form in the PSP games—”

“What’s a Homulilly.”

“Her witch form.  And the name _Lilly_ could actually be a reference to _yuri_ you know, since yuri’s the Japanese word for lily—”

“Alphys please I’m trying to watch my fave suffer.”

You find yourself so caught up in your alternate self’s suffering that it drowns out everyone else’s noises around you.  Who cares if Papyrus doesn’t get it, _you_ get it, oh god you feel it.  It hurts, it genuinely hurts you.

Then, just when the suffering seems to _finally_ be over, she doesn’t give up, she holds on.  Her tenacity is your tenacity; you’ve never felt anything this strongly before.  She holds onto Meduka’s hand and her feelings transcend fate, and instead of overcoming her depression, or letting it defeat her, she embraces it.  Wow.

The commentary next to you gets drowned out; you can’t even hear them anymore.

It doesn’t end happy.  You feel like you just watched you destroy yourself.  Taking over the world with your possessive tendencies and putting everyone else aside to rewrite the world so you’d have what you wanted.  Welp, that sure doesn’t hit close to home at all.

Papyrus _still_ doesn’t get it but the ending of that movie makes you want to apologize to him again.  Free him from the law of cycles.  Give in and let him be free and maybe give up yourself.

 _Have you been holding on too hard?_ Homura asks you.  Maybe it’d be wiser to let go.   _Will getting her back end your suffering?_ she asks you.   _Shut up Homura,_ you think, and maybe you should chill and get yourself out of this dark headspace.

From worlds away you vaguely hear Alphys asking you if you liked the movie.  “Uhh, yeah,” you say.  “It... really made me think.”

“Oh good!  Now we can analyze it!”

“I did not know this was your type of anime,” Undyne says.  “You have emotions?”

“Yeah apparently.”

“S-So what’d you think?  What was the part that really got to you?  For me it was when Sayaka revealed that she was outside the Law of Cycles and I knew then that—”

“Yknow I really don’t think I can analyze this movie the way you would,” you interrupt.  “It’s more of uh, what it means, personally?”

“Like, your own interpretation?”

“Sure, but, I don’t think anyone else would really get it.”

“SPILL YOUR EMOTIONS!” Undyne yells.  “TELL US WHAT YOUR FEELING!”

“I feel like a baby,” says Papyrus.  “Who knew baby cartoons could be so disturbing?”

“Okay just one question did Homura McFreaking kill herself.”

“W-Well that’s kind of, open to interpretation I guess, I don’t think she can really die at this point.”

“Yeah...” you mutter, “that’d be too easy...”

Alphys tries to convince Papyrus that he needs to see the series to get it, otherwise she understands why he didn’t like the movie so much.  Papyrus doesn’t think it’s his type.  He gets frustrated when he doesn’t know what’s going on.  Alphys tries to explain it to him while Undyne claims it’s because he’s as shallow as a kiddie pool.

The floor’s a mess, littered with popcorn.  You think you needed that emotional boost.  Your fragile heart’s not built for feeling things, emotions _really_ don’t fit you.  But seeing Homura on the widescreen, and seeing everyone together like this...  Maybe you don’t need more.

Alphys asks if there’s _anyone_ Papyrus liked.  He answers, “Hmm, the spaghetti girl seemed like an interesting character!”

“Mami?”

“Mommy?  She’s a mom?”

“N-No, but she’s a great character!  You’d p-probably hate the show actually, m-maybe you shouldn’t start it...”

“Yo I don’t think he’ll be able to sit through it anyway.  He’d be too confused,” you say.  “So you should, quit while you’re _ahead.”_

You wink.  Alphys frowns.  “I swear, if you start making head jokes—”

“Whoa, it’s nothing to lose your head over.”

“Wow literally fuck you!” Undyne shouts.

“The movie spoils a lot of the series but maybe it can serve as a _head_ start.”

No one even responds to that.  You wiggle your eyebrows.  Suddenly you hear crickets.  Alphys sits with the most unamused expression, holding a familiar looking keychain.

“Is that,” you say, “my cricket noise keychain?”

The sounds shut off.  “Yep.”

“You kept it?”

“What can I say, it’s come in handy.”

Your eyes sting.  You hug her.  Alphys’s body stiffens and she pats you on the back.  “Well,” says Papyrus.  He launches himself at Undyne.  She screams as they topple over.

“GET OFF ME YOU SAPPY NERD!”

“Sans shouldn’t get to have all the fun!”

“Ha...”  You laugh.  You hear Alphys giggle reluctantly and pull away.

“It’s been way too long,” she sighs.

Undyne manages to throw Papyrus off her and wrestle him to the floor.  “Well this sure has been fun!”

Papyrus rolls out.  You open your arms for him.  He hugs you and you flip Undyne off for not appreciating the most precious hugger in the world.  Papyrus releases you and turns to hug Alphys.

“Oh no.  Papyrus don’t do that.”

Alphys freezes and lets out noises that sound like a fish drowning, as paradoxical as that would be.  “Yo Papyrus,” Undyne says.  She takes him by the shoulder.  “You can’t just hug anyone!”

“But why not?” he asks.

“You have to be a level four friend,” you say.  “Otherwise she gets uncomfortable.”

“Oh!”  Papyrus lets go of her and jumps backward.  “My apologies, Dr. Alphys!”

She’s still frozen.  “Hey yknow, maybe leaving out fancy titles might help make things a little more comfortable,” you supply.  

“But you should always use titles when addressing someone respectful!”

Alphys blinks.  “Well um,” she says, and leaves it at that.

“This is beautiful,” you interrupt everyone.  “Got the whole family here.  Really you guys all know you’re my family.  One big happy family where two of my sisters happen to be dating.”

“Whoa, you sure do love to make things weird,” says Undyne.

“Yeah, it’s a great little family.  I think, this is weird but I think, I’m happy.”  Papyrus, Undyne and Alphys look at you a little worriedly.  “Look there’s... something that’s been on my mind a lot.  I’ve been tryin’ to put it aside for this little get-together, but I’ve decided... if this thing with Frisk doesn’t work out...”  You pause.  They wait.  “I’m gonna try one more time to find them.  And if they don’t turn up and stay put, I’m just gonna do what I do best and.  Give up.”

“Give up?” asks Alphys.

“Yeah.  On finding Frisk and, by extension, getting Toriel to come out of hiding for good.  I think I’m happy enough here, I don’t needa keep running around and makin’ myself crazy.”

“No!” says Undyne.  “You’re not allowed to give up!  We talked about this!”

“I don’t know,” Alphys says.  “Sometimes you really do need to know when to quit.”

Papyrus frowns.  “Sans... are you... okay?”

“Uhh...”  It’s been months.  Since last winter, he hasn’t stopped asking you that.  “For now... yeah.  But tomorrow I’m gonna try one more time to find Frisk.  I think I know where to look.  I have reason to think that they’re either in the Capital or, they’ve been there at some point.”

“The Capital’s a big place,” Alphys counters.

The others agree.  It’ll be impossible to find one little kid, they say, even if they are there, even if everyone goes and splits up to look.  They could be combing the city for weeks.  

“Hey, I know a lot of people.  And from what Frisky Bits’ told me, I may know where to look.  I’ll ask around and then I’m gonna come back here and settle down and wait either for Frisk to turn themself in or...  For Toriel to give in and call ‘cause she’s lonely and bored.”

Yeah.  It’ll happen eventually.  What else is she gonna do?  No one can keep themselves isolated forever, that’s not how human being work.  Your life’s all about connections.  That’s what humans are about, aren’t they?  Forming connections.  Whatever they mean, whether they’re connections of love, or anything, she can’t last alone forever.  You don’t think she’ll die before she gets back to you.  Tori can make it.  That’s what you’re telling yourself.

“So you’re just planning to make this trip alone?” Undyne asks.

“Of course not!  We’re coming with!” Papyrus says.

“Yeah I thought, we were gonna spend the weekend hanging out,” Alphys ads.

“Hey, we’ll still have tomorrow evening and all of Sunday to have fun.  You won’t miss me for too long.  ‘Sides uh, I think, this’ll be easier to do by myself.  I just wanna be in and out of there and do it quick.  Then I can get on back and we can watch more movies.  Let’s all admit, if we all go, we’ll get distracted.”

It takes some convincing.  Papyrus is worried.  He thinks you’re acting a bit fishy.  He thinks there’s something you’re not telling him.  You haven’t told them where you’re going.  Truthfully, you don’t want them around while you interrogate Asgore Dreemurr about other worlds and magical shit.  If the man thinks you’re crazy, you’ll go home and suffer no consequences.  He probably already thinks you’re nuts after your display at your old dad’s funeral so many years ago.

But maybe he does know.  And maybe there’s something he’d be able to tell you, without the others around.  He wouldn’t tell all his friends he had visions of a strange world and a mysterious squinty-eyed child if they didn’t believe in it, would he?  You don’t know the dude well enough.

Undyne and Alphys decide to leave you alone to your decisions.  You’re just weird, Undyne says, but at least you’re not giving up.  Alphys grumbles that you always leave without her, but she’s learning to get used to it.  It takes some convincing Papyrus.  He still wants to go with you.

“I have friends in the Capital too,” he says.  “I haven’t seen them in years!”

“So go visit them.  I’ll be looking for the kid.”

“Do you really know what you’re doing?” he asks.  You shrug.  You can’t sound too desperate, or he’ll get worried.

You know exactly what you’re doing.  You know where to go.  Really, you only plan to make one stop.  And Frisk or not, you have a plan to help Toriel.  Your new friend Mettaton’s helped with that.  And hopefully, your girlfriend’s ex-husband can help too.

“I think you’re trying to channel Homura _too_ much,” Undyne says.  “All this ‘I gotta do everything myself’ crap, you don’t need to be that way.”

“Y-Yeah, I know you relate to her, but... as much as it goes against my personality to say this, it’s just a show.”

“Let me channel my inner Homura.  It’s who I am and I won’t have you guys taking that away from me.”

“Okay...”  Undyne rolls her eye.  “Well, if you change your mind and decide you need help after all, you know where to find us!”

She smiles.  You thank her and really, you wish you could do it all together.  Being a lone wolf isn’t so fun, but it’s how you’re used to operating.  

The night drags.  Conversation switches to different topics, Alphys refuses to play Truth or Dare, or Never Have I Ever, then outright outlaws all traditional slumber party games.  When she starts to drift off against Undyne’s shoulder, Undyne decides you’ve all had enough excitement for one evening.  It’s time to get to bed.  You agree, you’ll need to be well rested for your trip tomorrow.

“I guess it’s time to make the bed,” Alphys mumbles.

“No, you’re the host, it is time for _me_ to make the bed!  Do not lift a finger, Dr. Alphys!  Undyne help me make the bed.”

“Why do I have to do everything!”

“Because you’re so talented and there’s nothing you can’t do!”

You’re forced to move off the couch so Papyrus can unfold it.  Alphys scurries off to get blankets.  As one final touch, she tosses a pillow onto the bed.

“Do you have another pillow?” Papyrus asks.  “Sans is going to need one.”

“Oh, I-I thought...”  Alphys looks at you.  “Nevermind, I’ll be right back.”

She tosses on another pillow.  Undyne disappears for a few minutes and comes back in her pajamas— a pair of shorts and a band tee shirt that has _The Angry Salmons_ printed on it.  “Normally, I sleep in the nude unless I’m in polite company,” she says.  “BUT SINCE NONE OF YOU ARE POLITE COMPANY—”

Papyrus screams and covers his eyes.  Undyne starts lifting up her shirt.  “Undies please,” you beg, “you’re gonna make Papyrus cry.”

“Oh god, d-does she strip all the time?” Alphys asks you.

 _“Nudity,”_ Undyne says, “is _not_ inherently sexual!”

“IT’S INHERENTLY UNCOMFORTABLE!” Papyrus yells.

You shrug.  You tell them it doesn’t make a difference one way or another to you.  Clothed or naked, you don’t care, bods are bods, bods are beautiful.  Undyne tells you to quit it with the SJW bullcrap.  Who cares if bodies are beautiful, no one needs to be beautiful to let it all hang out whenever they feel like it.  Papyrus disagrees and insists _everyone_ is beautiful.

They get tired and Undyne and Alph decide it’s high time they head to bed.  Alphys leaves to change and Undyne follows her.  Papyrus digs through his suitcase to find his toothbrush.  He heads to the bathroom for his nightly routine, and you extract your sleeping bag.  You unroll it next to the couch.  Papyrus yells at you to come here and brush your teeth.  You grudgingly join him at the sink.

You leave your toothbrush there.  No point putting it away if you’ll use it tomorrow.  While Papyrus washes his face, you go back to the living room and test out your sleeping bag.

You don’t remember if you’ve ever used this thing before.  When you wound up crashing at a friend’s place in Snowdin, it was never planned, you sort of just wound up there.  Often you’d have no memory of how you got there, and the biggest adventure was waking up next to Drunk Bunny in Ugly’s house.  You found Ugly curled up in the laundry basket insisting it was his bed.

The sleeping bag belonged to Papyrus.  He’d take it to Waterfall, and, as you breathe in, your nose can detect the lingering aroma of smoke.  This sleeping bag has survived more than one fire.

It’s not all that comfortable.  The tiled floor is still extremely hard underneath it, but knowing you, you doubt you’ll have a problem sleeping on it.  You survived years on a crappy mattress, you’ve woken up in the weirdest of places, you can sleep anywhere.

You hear Papyrus’s heavy footfalls coming back.  “Sans?” he calls.  “Where’d you go?”

You sit up.  Papyrus spots you, nods, and gets into bed.  He looks at you.  He looks down.  “What are you doing down there?” he asks.

“Nothing currently at the moment.”

“There’s plenty of bed, why would you sleep on the floor?”

“Uhh...”  You shrug.  “Welp I figured... you’d want your personal space?”

Papyrus scoots over and taps the space next to him.  “You are going to wreck your back,” he says.

You’re more than happy to abandon the sleeping bag and join your brother on the couch bed.  It’s bouncy, a little lumpy, but better than sleeping on the floor.  You hear a door opening, footsteps tromping down the stairs, and Alphys looks into the room, clad in a loose Mew Mew shirt.

“Everything okay?” she asks.

“Yes, accommodations are very accommodating!” Papyrus answers.

Undyne joins her and puts her hand on her hip.  “God I hate it when those two act all snuggly!  Show some toughness!”

“No,” you say, wrapping your arms around Papyrus.

“Never,” he adds.

Alphys smiles.  “I guess you’ve... changed your mind, Sans?  Well, glad everything worked out!”

“Yeah whatever, I’m falling asleep on my feet.  G’night, losers.”

Undyne turns on her heel and ascends back up the stairs.  “G-Goodnight, guys,” Alphys says.  “Um, if you need anything...”

“Don’t sweat it,” you say.

“Right.  Well...  Good— um...”  She smiles awkwardly and hurries away.  Papyrus yells a final goodnight to her before her bedroom door slams.

“Welp.”  You clap.  The lights shut off.  “Heh...”

“I think Alphys is my favorite friend of yours,” Papyrus says.  “She’s so cool!  And doesn’t tell bad jokes!  I hope after this weekend, we get to hang out more.”

“Glad you’re glad you came...”  So he enjoyed himself, aside from getting to meet the fainting celebrity.

It’s good.  But still, even with everyone here... it doesn’t feel complete.  You won’t be able to relax until you’re done tomorrow.  And then, you’ll either be disappointed or... everything will be better.

“It’s weird,” Papyrus speaks up.  “I’ve never met Dr. Alphys before today, but I feel like I should have!  She’s close to both you _and_ Undyne!  And she even knew Dad, isn’t that weird?”

“Eh, seeing as that’s why we met in the first place I don’t think it’s that weird.”

“She does feel like family already.”

“That’s good.  I think you’ll get along, you kind of have... _some_ things in common.  Yeah aside from anime, you’ll have what to talk about.”

You sigh.  Just as you’re getting comfy, Papyrus decides to get up to grab himself a glass of water.  Now it’s cold.  You wrap yourself tightly in the blankets while you wait for him to come back.  Suddenly, there’s a crash, and his piercing scream splits the air.  You sit up and clap the lights on.  You spot Papyrus on the floor, an abandoned couch cushion under his foot.  “I’m fine!” he assures you.  He stands up.  “I’M FINE!” he screams.  “I JUST TRIPPED!”

He grabs his water.  Despite his assurance, you hear a door open.  Papyrus hops back into bed as a figure emerges from the forbidden hallway— an armless mannequin approaching your bed.  Holy shit, you’re probably just seeing things.

“Alphys keep it down, I’m trying to—”  The figure looks up.  Through a mess of tangled black hair— that’s a person.  “Oh,” he says.  “You’re still here...?  I guess I didn’t expect... I didn’t know she actually had friends...”

“Mettaton!  Oh my god your arms—”

“Prosthetics darling, no need to be so frightened.”

“No!  No I’m not frightened!”  Good for him, you thought MTT was a ghost.  Mettaton shakes his head, attempting to move his bangs back in front of the left side of his face.  There’s a scar running down the side of it, sealing his left eyelid shut.  He looks really different without his makeup.  And the scar.  You wonder if Papyrus, or any other one of Mettaton’s viewers have seen it before.  “I’m just!  Wondering if you’re okay!  Are you okay?!”

“I’m _wonderful,_ could you try not to scream?”

Papyrus loudly apologizes.    “Wait,” you say, “how’d you get the door open without hands?”

“All the doors aside from the brilliant Dr. Alphys’s bedroom are voice-activated,” Mettaton says hastily.  “Hmm... perhaps I can use that in a video...  Well goodnight dears, enjoy your rest and do try not to disturb mine.”

He tosses his head one more time, but his bangs flop in front of his right eye instead.  He blows them out of his face.  “Wait!” Papyrus calls before he can turn around.  “Dr. Alphys made the doors that way for you, didn’t she?”

“Yes, she did.”  You hear impatience seeping into Mettaton’s voice.  Dude wants to sleep, you can respect that.

“She’s very generous,” Papyrus adds.  “Dr. Alphys is amazing!  You certainly don’t get to meet anyone like her every day!  She gave us a tour of her house earlier, and many of the features can be activated by talking.  That must make things easier on you!”

Mettaton pauses.  He stops trying to move his hair.  He looks off to the side with the slightest of smiles.  It seems... different from his TV smile.  “If you say so.  I guess... she’s definitely a smart woman...”

“She’s a genius!  She must care about you very much.”

He’s really milking this.  Mettaton sighs.  “Our relationship is a little more complicated than that.  But...”

“Yo Pap, maybe you should let the man sleep.”

“Beautiful idea, beautiful.  Goodnight, you two.”  He gives you a smirk, you’re not sure why, and turns around.

“Wait!” Papyrus calls.  “C-Can you get back to bed alright—?”

“Dude chill he’s lived like this long enough,” you say.

“I’m fine,” Mettaton says.  “In this house... everything’s easy enough to manage.”

He disappears down the dark forbidden hallway.  Once the door shuts, Papyrus testily says, “OFF.”  The lights shut.  “Wow!”

“Yknow...” you say, “they don’t always get along that well.”

“I know!  That’s why I thought I’d remind him about all the things Dr. Alphys has done for him!  Mettaton’s probably going to bed now thinking, ‘Wow Dr. Alphys sure is great and I’m glad to have her!’  And then to show his appreciation... he’ll tell her and... they’ll be better friends?”

“Ha, you sneaky bastard.”   _Good thinking, Papyrus..._  You lie down and close your eyes.  “Huh, who knows, maybe it’ll work.”

The covers shift as Papyrus lies down next to you.  “They live together, they should be friends,” he says.  “I think Mettaton does really care about her...”

“Hm.”

Does he?   _I didn’t know she actually had friends..._  He sounded kinda smug when he said that.  Maybe he is a bit of an ass.  And maybe he felt safe living with Alphys for that reason; he thought he’d always have privacy.  Well he had Undyne on the rare occasion, but it seems he’s made his peace with her.

You can’t tell yet if he strikes you as a bad person or not.  You didn’t know the dude was missing an eye, or arms.  For someone who’s been through that, you don’t know if you have the right to judge him.

You’d always thought you were an excellent judge of character, but since Frisk, you aren’t sure anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We needed this break from the emotional turmoil bc guess what's gonna happen next. SNAS IS GONNA MEET THE EX HUSBAND! AND THINGS ARE GON GET SERIOUS AGAIN!! Sans has a mission in the capital to get his lady back. details in the next chapter which will probably take me forever to write because it's a real important one. Will we have the return of Toriel to look forward to? yea its a soriel fic sorry for spoilers but ye.
> 
> Note on MTT's story: A few years ago he got in a really bad car accident that took out both his arms and his uhh... (checks google images) left eye and also left him like, paralyzed from the waist down. He lived with Napstablook in Waterfall after his accident and Blooky took care of his every need. He still loved acting so he kept up his passions by working as a voice actor. Blooky would wheel him to work every day and I think their aunt and uncle (mettaton's parents) helped pay for their living expenses and MTT's medical needs. MTT met Alph at an anime convention and at the time Al had been researching on a cure to paralysis and then a partnership was formed. She used him as a test subject which, he was fine with because he didn't care what happened to him as long as he got to achieve his dreams. But of course he had to leave Napstablook, and he didn't give them much of a warning before he left. Sorta told them briefly and then took off, leaving Blooky very lonely. its kind of a long story and im not explaining it too well here but there it is.
> 
> INTERESTING NOTE: I forgot to put this in the notes of chapter 27 but as of that chapter, did anyone notice that Sans has kissed/been kissed by every female character in Feeling Bonely? The reason for that is Snas is my self insert and i get all da ladies.


	31. Journey to New Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asgore's not a bad guy, he's just a sad guy. Just a dad guy.  
> A sad dad guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mom hi I included an inside joke only you will understand please love me even though I keep you out of your sewing room

Your pillow is breathing.

The dust settles and the dream fades, your senses return, and you slowly forget everything you just witnessed.  Nothing new, just confirmation that you were right.  King Fluffybuns never makes it out alive in this pocket multiverse, oh well, poor dude...  Did it hurt?  Nah, you hate to admit it, but it didn’t.  You’d kept your promise to the old woman, even if it meant letting another life get sacrificed.  You kept your promise to Toriel...

You don’t need to think about that anymore, because there’s nothing to worry about.  What did you even dream?  You don’t remember, all you know now is that you have a very large, warm, and solid pillow that’s breathing.  And a running motor right next to your head.  Nah, that’s just snoring...  You chuckle to yourself.  Welp, no need to move, you haven’t been this comfortable in at least... when was the last time you and your favorite brother fit comfortably in a bed together?  

 _You’re too fat!  Sleep in your own bed!_  You think that’s what he told you, god you felt so betrayed.  So lonely.  Though you know for a fact he’d deny saying that if you reminded him.

You’re surprised you woke up first, Pap’s an early bird and you’re practically nocturnal.  This is good.  Gives you more time to enjoy what you’ve got while you’re in a bed that’s big enough.

You keep your eyes closed and sigh happily.  What a wonderful morning.  Papyrus’s rhythmical snoring gets interrupted by a loud scream of “WAKE UP NERDS!”

You screw your eyes shut tighter until a pillow hits you and Papyrus gets cut off mid-snore and jolts awake.

“SANS NO DON’T EAT THAT!”

He sits up and blinks a couple times.  You cling on.  He looks down at you.  “Bad dream?” you ask.

“Where am I.”  He looks up.  You follow his line of vision to see Alphys staring creepily at you both.  “Who are you.”

“Um?”

“That’s Dr. Alphonso, she’s here to saw you in half.”

“Oh!  Hello!”  He shakes you off, frees his arms, and stretches.  “Good morning!  It’s an honor to meet you, Dr. Alphonso!”

“L-Likewise?”

Papyrus pushes you off him.  You groan.  “Don’t be a baby, we’ll have plenty snuggle time in the vast future,” he tells you.

“That’s adorable,” says Alphys very seriously.

“NO!  IT’S PATHETIC!”

“Someone needs to teach Undyne the meaning of love,” you say.  Alphys giggles and snorts.  “No not like that.”

“I know love,” Undyne says.  “Love is... PASSION!  It’s like anger, but a GOOD anger.”

“Everything you feel is different variations of anger.”

“THAT’S CAUSE I’M ALWAYS ANGRY!” Undyne laughs.  What the heck put her in such a good mood?  What a weirdo.  An emotionally confused weirdo.

Papyrus drags you out of bed.  He and Undies are already energized, Alph yawns, still a bit tired.  She asks what everyone wants for breakfast.  She only has boring cereal made of pencil shavings and sugar, she tells you.  Not a very wholesome breakfast unless, Papyrus adds, you eat it with a cup of lowfat milk.  Undyne says she eats her cereal with coffee.  Not separately: she puts coffee in her cereal instead of milk, however, she does put milk in it.  Her regular coffee she drinks black.

“You like your coffee how you like your women.”

“Yeah, I like it—”

“Bitter,” Alphys says.  She quells under everyone’s stare.  “Um!  I’ll... g-get out the... bowls...”

“SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!”  Undyne picks her up, dumps her in a chair, and gets to serving everyone.  Alphys’s kitchen is equipped like yours, with mostly plasticware, aside from a few angry looking utensils, pots, and pans hanging from the ceiling for Undyne’s use.

“So I know why Undyne doesn’t live in Hotland,” you say through a mouthful of cereal, “but Alph, what’s keeping you here?”

“The Capital’s too crowded,” she answers.  “Living there’s expensive.  And I need to be close to work, yknow?  Getting to and from Hotland may be, r-really hard but it’s good for travel.  Getting to the Capital’s easy.”

“How _do_ you get to the Capital?” you ask.

“Well, everyone takes the Core.  It’s p-pretty simple to get to, so I...  Anyone who doesn’t feel like driving through Hotland can just take the L and R trains, they go everywhere so it’s... p-pretty...”  She trails off.  “I uh actually... _like_ Hotland.”

“PREPOSTEROUS!” Papyrus exclaims.  “The only attraction Hotland has is that Mettaton lives here!  Where is he by the way?  Is he still home?  Can we say hi before he leaves?”

“He’s probably still asleep,” Alphys answers.  “Or doing... _whatever_ he does in the morning.”  

“Using up all the world’s clean water for his legendary showers...” Undyne sighs.

“Well it’s very understandable he’d have a long morning routine!  Even with the conveniences of your generosity, getting ready for the day can’t be easy.  How does he put on his makeup?  How does he type?  How does he write?”

“Voice-to-text,” Alphys says.  “And um, as for how he puts on makeup... sheer determination?”

“When you have a disability,” Undyne adds, “you sorta learn to live with it.  And it’s great making people wonder how the hell you do it.  There’s really no good answer for them.”

“How would you know,” you say, “you’re not dis—”  Undyne glares at you out of her one eye.  You look at her eyepatch and shut the fuck up.  Right, haven’t you thought about this before?  The fact that you’re both completely different forms of disabled, maybe you can bond over that.  “You’re half-blind, and I was born with a cow’s anus where my mouth should be.  That’s why all I spew is bullshit.”

Papyrus makes a disgusted noise.  Undyne shrugs and says she doesn’t care, at this point, the eyepatch might as well be an accessory.  Alphys claims she relates, her eyesight is so poor she might as well be half blind too.  Without her glasses she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between you and Undyne.  You call bullshit.  Alphys admits that may be a bit of an exaggeration.  

“But Mettaton is half-blind too!  How does he... do all the things he does?”

“Check his FAQ,” Alphys mumbles.

“And when does he eat his breakfast?”

“Geez, I don’t know everything about him.”  Alphys frowns.

“So you never eat together?  That’s so sad!  You’re housemates and you don’t even eat together.  You need a special bonding dinner.”

“Yeah, MTT’s Going Away party,” Undyne says.  She stabs her cereal angrily.  It splashes.

“Look, about him...”  Alphys’s voice drops.  She looks around as though checking to see if he’s there.  “You all have to promise you won’t share any information about him.  He _pays_ me to keep his life private.  So if you go telling everyone on the internet where he lives—”

“I would never!” Papyrus huffs.  “I’ve been warned already, don’t worry!  It is my last wish to make anyone’s life difficult.”

“Good...”  Alphys still looks uncertain.

“I swear on my brother’s life I will not share any personal information about Mettaton to anyone who is not currently sitting at this table!”  Papyrus declares.  You smile.  Undyne rolls her eyes and says that Alphys doesn’t need any more convincing.

While everyone eats, you check on your phone for trains leaving to the Capital.  The next one’s leaving pretty soon.  “Alph, how far’s your house to the nearest R train?” you ask.

“No, take the L train.  It’s just a couple blocks away, h-here, you...”  She gets up, scurries away, and grabs a pad of paper.  “Okay, you...”  She scribbles what looks like a map.  “J-Just walk one block left and then, turn right and... it’s um, up.  It’s like, less than a ten minute walk?  Take the L1 to the R3 and then...  The Core’s right there, you can’t miss it.”

 _“This_ is why I hate Hotland!” Undyne seethes.  “Everyone acts like it’s simple!  But no one even knows what R and L stand for!”

“Maybe they’re names!” Papyrus suggests.  “The train stations are named after the lovely respectful people who built them.  R stands for... Rachel.  And L stands for, um... it stands for Leah.  I’m sure that’s it.”

“Wow, how can you assume that of _all_ names, it’s the first ones off the top of your head?” Undyne asks.  “There’s no way!  Their names are long!  And complicated!  Difficult on the tongue!  That’s why no one can pronounce them!”

“No, they’re Rachel and Leah and they’re in love,” Papyrus insists.  “They’re happily married and live in Trainland where they’re free from the strife of the pronunciation of their names being mixed up and argued over!”

“Uh, this very important debate aside,” you interrupt, “is there... a clearly marked sign?  It’s L1, right?”

“Y-Yeah, it’s a blaring green sign.  You can’t miss it.  The R stations are all marked with red—”

“I KNEW IT!  They’re not lesbians they’re COLORS!” Undyne shouts.  “R stands for Red!”

“I know a Red,” you say.  “I think she’s bi.”

“But then!” Papyrus cuts in, “what could L stand for?  The L signs are GREEN!”

“It stands for light green,” you say.

“That’s two words!” Undyne argues.

“Light sea-green.”

“That doesn’t help!” Papyrus yells.  “Well I have my theory and I’m sticking to it!”

“A-Actually,” Alphys speaks up, “th-they stand for... Right and Left.”

The room goes silent.  “I don’t like that as much,” Papyrus grumbles.

“Yeah, that’s stupid, L definitely stands for light seafoam-green.”  You wink.  Undyne uses this as an excuse to reassert her hatred for the city of Hotland.  

“Welp, now that this debate’s been peacefully resolved, the L train leaves in fifteen minutes so I should probably hop on that.”

The others are silent for a moment.  Then Alphys says bitterly, “I still don’t get why you had to do this today without telling us first.”

“Because I knew you’d be disappointed no matter when I told you so I figured I’d spare you a few days of disappointment.”  You smile.  Alphys doesn’t smile back.  “Look, I can’t put this off any longer.  A lost kid and a lonely woman need my help.”

“Well hurry up then!” says Papyrus.  “Unless you’re planning to travel to the capital in your pajamas.”

Good thing you’re fast.  You get dressed in record time and bid your friends and family farewell.  You promise them you’ll be back soon.  “You two,” you tell Alphys and Papyrus, “bond while I’m away.”

Papyrus beams at Alphys.  She seems to shrink into herself a bit.  “Sprinklers are scattered throughout the house in case of emergency!” Undyne says.  “Everything should be fine!  No one should get hurt if we wanna keep things boring!”

“Alright good.  Try not to fry and, I’ll see you guys later.”

You check your phone.  Impressive, you still have twelve minutes until the train leaves.  As soon as you’re out the door, the air takes on a different feel.  You hadn’t even noticed the constant electrical humming inside Alphys’s house until you step out.  The air is replaced with different noises— the rushing of cars, wind whistling through the buildings, distant shouting.  

You hope you can make it in time, you’re not as fast as you used to be.  The rhythmic sound of your cane slapping against the sidewalk is distracting.  You wish now that you had everyone with you.  Even with the bustle and noise around you, it’s lonely without them.

Less than ten minutes, she said.  Well, you’re faster than Alphys, you can make it in five.  You hurry along, not bothering to take notice of your surroundings until a lilting voice calls out to you, “Hello there~!”

You make the mistake of turning around.  You spot a black-haired Asian woman in ballooning pants standing behind a checkered tablecloth decked with cakes, cookies, and beverages.  “MUFFET’S BAKE SALE” reads in dripping purple letters on a sign in front of it.  She smiles at you.  “Welcome to our parlor, dearie~  Would you like some pastries?”

“Uhh...”  You’re not bad at gauging expressions, and her empty black eyes tell you the best decision would be to excuse yourself.  “No thanks, I’m kind of in a rush.”

“There’s no need to rush, Hotland isn’t going anywhere,” the woman giggles.  “All proceeds from my bake sale go to a charitable organization raising money for my relatives in Japan hit by a terrible tsunami.  Would you like to donate to their cause?”

“Sorry, I’m—”  You hear a groan next to you.  You spin around to see a hunched-over guy with the most distressed expression on his face.

“I... I... I ended up buying a donut...” he mutters.  “I... I... I didn’t want to, but that girl... even though I told her no, she... kept staring at me in this creepy way and licking her lips.  N...now I’m outa cash.  This is gonna put me in debt forever.”

“Why don’t you go away, sir, and eat your donut wherever busy place you need to be,” says Muffet sweetly.  Her eyes swivel to you.  “What do you say, dearie?  Would you be willing to help out your Japanese brothers and sisters?”

Her eyes glitter.  There she goes, licking her lips.  You’re running out of time.  Without refusing again, you break eye contact and run away.  You feel her eyes on the back of your neck and you have the feeling you’re going to regret this later.

You reach the safety of the L train in double time, where you’re swallowed up by the traveling crowd and the prickling on the back of your neck fades to a mild tingle.  You buy your ticket and wait.  Surprisingly, you’re a couple minutes early.  It takes a while of standing around until the L train rushes in and a crowd of passengers spill out.  You get on, and when a polite (and tall) young man catches sight of your cane, he hops up to give you his seat.  You give him a thumbs-up of gratitude.

The doors slide, and the train departs.  You will yourself to stay awake.

Though you’d like to do nothing else but sleep, it’d be a real pain if you missed your stop.

☠☠☠

You don’t remember the Capital being this... _grey._  It’s not exactly bleak, no, it’s peaceful, and after the crowded train, eerily quiet despite all the buildings.  Grey buildings, grey sidewalk, grey birds chirping in the greying sky.  You spot a couple yellow flowers dotting the ground beside the sidewalk little splashes of color.  Good, those flowers lead right to where you wanna get to.  

You walk away from the train station.  You thought the Capital would be a more... popular stop.  You definitely remember it being louder when you lived here, even though you’ve heard, since you moved to Snowdin, it’s gotten five times more crowded.  You hear they’ve torn down parks and gas stations to build new apartment complexes.  Wasn’t this place prettier?  Or have you just become colorblind?

The Dreemurr house isn’t close to the train station.  You decide to walk it instead of calling a ride.  You haven’t been around here in... years.  Wouldn’t hurt to look around.  This side of town, actually, isn’t far from where you lived.  In the distance, you see tall, grey buildings.  You think your house was somewhere in that direction.  This area used to have only single-family houses.  It doesn’t look that pretty, but you’re glad the old man’s little plot of land’s been put to better use.

You pass what you think was your old street, or another street you knew long before you reach the richest street in the Capital.

New Home.

Home street’s somewhere to the left now, or is it right?  Or is it called Old Home now?  You can’t remember.  This street’s as peaceful as a suburban neighborhood.  There’s houses on this street, ranging from three times the size your house in Snowdin to... the giant at the end of the block.  There’s a grey building towering above the rest of the houses, with a sloping roof and a bright green lawn.  Yeah, this place hasn’t changed much.

Someone crosses the street and wishes you a warm good afternoon.  This entire street seems more inviting than the rest of the city.  Everyone you pass wishes you the same greeting.  No one recognizes you.  You’re not surprised; you don’t recognize any of them, either.  This whole place feels like it’s teeming with ghosts.

You hang your head and refuse to make eye contact.  The journey from the train station to the Dreemurr mansion, you think, has taken longer than your ride on the train.  You didn’t have enough time to steel yourself for your visit.

When you reach the end, you finally allow yourself to look up.  You’ve seen this place a few times before when your old dad stopped there to pick something up or drop something off or just say hi.  You never came in.  You waited in the car and ditched him if he took too long.  He liked hanging out here, no wonder— it’s pretty.  Huge, though.  You were never one for height and grandeur.

The lawn is somehow... more ostentatious than the fairy lights outside your house.  Dude’s got trimmed hedges.  Cobblestone walkways.  Bushes of flowers.

You hear a loud _snip._  You turn your head and see a giant with a pair of shears, trimming a hedge.  Your first thought is _Oh nice he does his own landscaping_ and your second thought is _He and Toriel have banged at least seven times._

You freeze where you stand.  You watch Asgore Dreemurr lower a pair of shears.  He doesn’t see you.  He turns around and slowly returns down the stone path.  Your heart skips a beat— you didn’t prepare yourself for this— before you can move, the door shuts.  Welp, not like he’s gone from the world, is he?  Nooo, he’s right in that house, you just missed him you chicken shit.  How tall was he anyway?  The lawn’s huge; you saw him from a distance.  He towered above the hedge he was working on.  You approach it.  Your head doesn’t reach the top of it.

You shove your hands in your pockets and, feeling like a kid again, withdraw your left hand and knock on the huge door.

With the split second you have alone you rehearse what you’re gonna say to him; _“Hey Asswhore how ya doin,’ guess what, you’re never gonna believe this, I made out with your wife!_ You have time for half a chuckle before the heavy door swings open.  You feel an enormous presence before you even look up.  You come face-to-face with a protruding stomach.

“Hello?” comes a deep, rumbling voice from way above your head.

He’s even taller than you thought he was.  You have to take a step back to even see his face.  He’s smiling politely through a neat, dirty-blonde beard and crinkly, downturned eyes.  You smile back.  “Eyy.”  Are you gonna have to reintroduce yourself?

“Howdy, Sans,” says Asgore.  He’s surprised to see you, but he knows who you are.  You breathe an internal sigh of relief.  “It’s... been a while.”

“Yep.”

“Can I help you?”

“Yeah.”  You can do this.  “Uhh.  Not sure if it’s a good time but, I kinda wanted to talk to you about something.  Preferably today since I’m in the area.”

“Oh.  Hm.”  His eyes flash to your cane.  “It’s a nice day out, how about we sit in the garden?”

“Okay.”

“Or we could go inside,” he suggests.

“Might be better to talk inside.”

Asgore blinks, no doubt wondering what the hell you’re doing here.  He takes his phone out his pocket, and from the way he’s looking at it, seems like he’s checking his schedule.  “I have a while,” he says.  “Come on in.”

He leads you into his home, feet stomping loudly on the floor as he walks.  What’s it sound like when he’s running?  His footfalls echo off the high ceilings of a grand hallway— a blinding gold after the grey of the city.

As you follow him, you notice he’s put on some weight in the past few years.  He’s a big bearded man, kind of like Santa Claus except dirty blonde.  Everything echoes loudly off the walls; Asgore’s footsteps, the slapping of your cane, aside from that, the house is quiet.  It’s too big a place to live in alone.

He leads you to into a room with bookshelves and a desk.  At first you think it’s a library before you realize his library’s probably much bigger.  This is a study.  He pulls out a chair for you, you sit, but he keeps standing.  “Would you like a cup of tea?” he asks.

“Uh, nah thanks.”

He seems disappointed at your refusal, and sits down behind his desk.  He’s got a revolving adjustable chair; you consider asking him to lower the seat.  “How are you?” Asgore asks.

“Uh good.”

“How’s Papyrus?”

“He’s great.  We’re, yeah, both doing good.”

“And where are you both these days?”

“We uh, moved to Snowdin.  It’s good there.  We like it.”

Asgore nods.  “I’m happy to hear that!”  That’s right, last he heard of you Papyrus was probably crying to him about your situation, and he offered to help.  He and Toriel.  Of course Toriel did, and she didn’t even know who you were.

“I’m not here to ask for help financially if that’s what you’re wondering,” you tell him.  “We’re fine with money.”  Maybe that was a bit blunt.  He didn’t even ask.

“That’s good!” says Asgore.  His smile’s dropping.  He seems confused.  “So then, what can I help with?”

“Yoooo, what makes you think I didn’t just wanna stop by and say hi?”  You grin.  “Just wanna see all my old buds.  Good to see you buddy, how’re you doin’?”

“I’m good.”  Wow, this isn’t gonna be hard at all, he’s so easy to read, that’s one of the most bold-faced lies you’ve heard in your life.  Welp, you suppose he means to be polite, not everyone is as honest as you.  “Well golly, if that’s all—”

“Nah I’m just...”  What were you just?  You honestly don’t even know.  “Ha... heheh...  Okay I have a bit of a weird question for you.”  You close your eyes for a second, then realize why you needed to do this in person: you need to see his face.  You snap your eyes back open and ask, “Do you know a kid... with brown hair up to the nape of their neck?”  You gesture Frisk’s hair length against your own neck.  “Brown hair and, wearing a striped shirt.”

There it is.  Something in his eyes shift.  His friendly smile goes dark for a moment.  “Yes indeed,” he says, all traces of a smile fading away.  “I... do know someone like that.”

He looks down at his desk.  You follow his eyes to a picture frame, facing toward him and away from you.  He sighs deeply.  He turns it around.

It’s a family photo.  Your heart jolts up into your throat as you recognize Toriel’s face, smiling at you.  You almost can’t bring yourself to look away.  She’s so happy.  You’ve missed that smile.  She stands next to her husband.  Next to Asgore.  You look at him for a second, you can’t see very much of him since, even kneeling down, the top of his head nearly goes out of the frame.  He’s slimmer, his hair looks thicker, whatever—

Their hands rest on their children’s shoulders.  You can’t help but first look at the boy who looks like a perfect combination of his parents’ genes.  His skin is as pale as his mother’s, he’s got long lashes like her too, but the shape of his eyes, you think, are more like his dad’s?  It’s hard to tell on a kid so young.   _I’m sorry to see he’s inherited your condition,_ that’s what Gaster said...  You’re looking at a piece of her.  Asriel’s a cute kid, with a little tuft of hair sticking out in front.

He’s dead now.

You tear your eyes away because... the kid next to him... fits your description.  Their hair is lighter, their shirt is green, their skin pale.  Their face is half-obscured by a bunch of flowers.  But they have the haircut, the shirt... they _both_ have the shirt— they’re wearing matching clothing, but the second kid looks like Frisk recolored with a different palette.

“Is that—”

“My wife.  And my children.  The children passed away three years ago.  So if Chara’s the one you’re looking for...”

He trails off.  You look away from the picture frame.  You notice grey streaks running through his hair and beard.  Those weren’t there in the family photo.  “I’m... sorry, about your loss,” you say awkwardly.  Because you think he’ll appreciate it, you offer him a consoling pat on the arm.

“Thank you, Sans...”

“But that’s uh, they’re not the kid I’m looking for.  My kid’s uh— I don’t mean I have a kid.  I mean the kid I’m asking about’s got darker skin and squintier eyes and a purple and blue striped shirt.”

You look closely.  Asgore seems nervous.  He hesitates for a long time, and you know you’re getting somewhere.  “I’m sorry,” he says, looking away, “but I’ve never met a child like that before.”

 _Lies._  You can see everything in the way he avoids eye contact.  “It’s important,” you add.  “They’re a missing kid and everyone and their mother is looking for them.  They’ve been wandering all over the place and I have a feeling they’ll stop here soon if they haven’t stopped already.”

“Hmm.  Do you have a photo?”

“Nah but I have a video.  Hang on.”  You’ll have to scroll through MTT’s channel and you don’t think you saw what the hell the video was called.  You tap on the most recent one, skip through to the important part, and hand your phone to Asgore.

“That man isn’t wearing a striped shirt,” he says, squinting at your phone.

“No that’s Mettaton— give it a second.”

His eyes slowly widen.  When the video ends, he hands your phone back, looking troubled.  “I don’t mean to sound rude, but what makes you think the child will come here?”

“I’m not sure,” you answer, wishing you hadn’t told him that.  “But the important thing is, what I need your help with isn’t... _finding_ the kid.  I wanted to...”  You take a deep breath.  “Ah man, it’s a long story.  If you wanna make _yourself_ a cup of tea that’d probably be a good idea.”

“Well if you want me to make myself tea...”  He stands up.  “I love tea.”

“Yeah.  Hey, I wouldn’t refuse the offer this time.  Heat that kettle.”

“Okie dokie.”

He goes over to the electrical kettle he’s got set up right in his study, along with a cabinet full of tea boxes and teacups.  He really... does love tea, you guess.  Welp that’s fine, everyone’s got their quirks, yours is skeletons, Toriel’s is pie, Fluffybuns’s is tea.  “It’ll take a few minutes for the water to boil,” he tells you.  He pauses, then sits back down.  “I don’t see the harm in beginning the story first?”

“‘Kay...”  You fold your hands in front of you.  “So, this may seem out of the blue but, I’ve actually been in contact with Toriel.”  Asgore raises his eyebrows.  “Maybe I uh, shoulda started with this story instead of telling you about the kid first.  I met Toriel online and, we’re friends now.  And the kid I just showed you, she met the kid while she was visiting in Snowdin.  Guess you could say they formed a bond, kid even... went back to the Ru— uhh, Toriel’s house to see her.  She took them in for a while but, long story short, they ran away for some reason and now she thinks they’re dead.”

You pause.  Asgore doesn’t say anything.  You continue.  “‘Cause of that... she got really... depressed.  She cut ties with all friends but she’ll still answer calls either from the cops or the owners of her place.  And after the kid disappeared I saw them again, they stopped by Snowdin for a while, I even talked to them— but they ran away again.  So really, I needa ask you a favor.  Do you know how to contact the owners of the house Toriel’s at?”

“Yes...” says Asgore.  “Any of the owners?  I have contact information for most of them.”

“Probably.  So... could you send them that video so they can forward it to Toriel and let her know her kid’s alive?  They’re alive and they’re fine.  If she needs proof she can check the date the vid was made and posted.  I know it’s a big favor but— it may be life saving.”

“Of course.  What’s the child’s name?”

“Frisk.”

Asgore immediately takes out his phone and... you wait while it rings.  The tea kettle whistles.  As Asgore gets up to make the tea, he begins talking.  “Howdy, Mr. Froggit?  How are you?”  Pause.  “Good, and how’s Mrs. Froggit?  And the kids?  Fantastic!  Anyway, I’m calling about a child named Frisk...  Oh, you know them?”

You wait.  You watch Asgore pace around the room while he explains the situation.  He talks a while.  You look at your phone, but there’s nothing to see.  No new notifications.  You relax a little.  This was _really_ what you came here for.  This is all you can do.  This is all you’re gonna do.  You wait.  You start to fall asleep...

“Yes, thanks again, Mr. Froggit.  I’ll text you the video.”  The talking stops.  You watch Asgore frown at his phone for a second before he goes back to the teapot.  “I think the tea is ready...”

“Awesome.”

He brings you a teacup.  You wonder how the delicate little thing doesn’t shatter in his hand— then again, looking closely, Toriel’s hands might actually be bigger.  Asgore sits back down with his own cup.  He looks into it.  He looks back up at you.  “Thank you for coming on such short notice,” he says.  “I saw that video was very recent.”

“Yeah.”

“So, how is Toriel doing?”  Asgore smiles expectantly at you.  “Has she really been out of the house?”

“Yep.  Before Frisk ran away she was pretty happy.  I mean, she seemed happy.  We joked a lot.”  You don’t wanna overshare.  There’s no reason to.  “That’s how I met her actually, telling bad jokes on a random website.  So, I’d say she was doing pretty good.”

“That’s the best news I’ve heard since...”  He trails off, but he’s smiling.  “It makes me happy to hear that she can laugh again.”

Your mouth twitches.  God you feel bad for the dude.  “Yeah.  She laughs all the time.  Welp... she was laughing before Frisk ran away.”

“She has a wonderful laugh.”  He smiles sappily into the distance.  Okay, now you can feel yourself cringing just a bit, this poor guy, this just isn’t right.  It’s been years since she left and he’s still in the honeymoon phase.  “I know how you feel,” he sighs.  “I wish I could check up on her.  When my wife left...”  Now you visibly cringe, but you don’t know if he noticed.  “She was in terrible shape.  I’m sure she didn’t act like the Toriel you knew.  She... wasn’t herself.”

“Was it from the miscarriage?” you ask.

Asgore swallows.  He looks down.  “Postpartum depression.”

You stare into your teacup.  A lot of things make sense now.  You were right when you told Undies there was more to the story than she knew...  No wonder Asgore’s not angry at her in the slightest.  Or maybe he’s just so in love with her he could never be angry at her?  Can Fluffybuns even get angry?  According to Toriel, he could be vengeful.

_Toriel..._

Seems like it was always her choice to shoulder burdens alone.  Can you blame Asgore for not taking her seriously if her mind wasn’t in the right place?  You think back to the things that Toriel and Undyne told you about the divorce; Toriel described her actions as “borderline abusive.”  Maybe it was wrong.  She acted mean, yeah, pretty mean, but you can’t blame her, not one bit.

It was all just bad luck that led everyone in that family photo to where they are today.

And yet, the way Asgore keeps calling Toriel _my wife_ irks you.

“I talked too much,” Asgore sighs.

“Eh, nah, glad I understand.  Hey...”  You look back up at him.  “You sure about what you said about never meeting Frisk before?”

“I wasn’t lying.”

You look closely.  In his face, you can only spot partial truth.  That’s odd, what’s he holding back?  “If you didn’t meet ‘em... have you seen ‘em at all before?”

You’ve got him.  He swallows and his eyes shift to the side.  “If I told you— You would never believe me.”

“I’d believe you,” you say.  “That is, if it happens to be anything vaguely paranormal.  If maybe you uh, know them from a dream or something, since, everyone seems to have the feeling they’ve met Frisk before.”

Asgore fidgets.  His revolving chair creaks.  He looks very nervous.  “I don’t know how you knew—”

“Frisk just has that effect on people.”

“Since my children died,” Asgore says in a hushed and shaky voice, “that child you showed me has shown up in... countless recurring nightmares.  I thought they were merely...”  He sighs.  “No, it does not matter.”

“You thought Frisk was a representation— manifestation of trauma?  Like... a symbol?”

“I don’t know how you would know.  I haven’t told anyone.”  He seems fearful.  That’s funny, this mountain of a man afraid of a shrimp like you.

“Nah, I actually had no idea, I just, used to get dreams kinda like that too.”  Maybe... just maybe, if you finally get this off your chest, you can get him to open up more.  “I had dreams of Frisk being eh... not the most trustworthy person.  Like the serial murdering type of unfriendly.  You ever had dreams about Frisk killing anyone?”

Your heart pounds.  What the hell are you doing, you came here for Toriel, why are you asking him this?

“No.”   _Oh._  Asgore’s eyebrows furrow slightly.  “Frisk is not the murderer.”  You wait.  You watch his face lose color.  He looks away.  “I didn’t think I’d find myself ever telling anyone this.  They’re just dreams but still—  All that happens is, in the dreams where... that child appears, I have no choice but to... to...  Does it really make a difference?”

“Probably not.”

“I had to kill them,” he says quickly.  You see beads of sweat forming on his forehead.  “I don’t know why or... if there even _was_ a reason, but every time I killed that child, they would come back until...”  He looks genuinely pained.  “Until I died and I would wake up, but they’re—”

“Just dreams.  Yeah, don’t worry, they’re not important.  Honestly...”  You shrug.  “I was just curious.

“But this is a real child.”

“Yeah.  Not just a mental manifestation of PTSD.  Well, they kinda are actually, I think the dreams are selective.  Like most dreams they’re just a mental mashup of all the garbage that gets thrown to the back of your brain at the end of the day.  Except Frisk is real.  That’s the only difference.”

“You said Frisk was coming here.  Does this mean... they are _not_ walking to their execution?”

“Eh, not unless you pick up a fork and decide to skewer ‘em on a whim.”   _Oh god wrong thing to say, very wrong thing to say, holy shit, that was REALLY STUPID._  Asgore’s face goes completely white.  “I’m kidding!  No one’s dying, Frisk probably just wants to say hi.  So uh, just another question, is that... all you remember?  Is like, Undies— I mean Undyne...”  The terror disappears from his face for a second.  If you hadn’t just made that stupid remark, you might have elicited a chuckle.  “Yeah sorry... does like, anyone else play any role?”

“Not as far as I know?”

“Look I don’t know if the kid’s gonna be here.  Only reason I think that is because they’ve been everywhere else I’ve seen in the dreams.  But don’t worry, Frisk’s actually alright.  I didn’t think too highly of ‘em myself till I met ‘em.  They’ve got no ill intent, Frisk probably just wants to visit as a friend.”

“I don’t think I have ever been more confused in my life.”

“Oh, if you’re still uneasy just ask Undyne.  She’s friends with the kid.  Frisk hangs out with her and my brother at the physical therapy center.”

“Hmm.  It... definitely isn’t easy to gain her trust.”  He pauses.  He sits up straighter.  “Well if Undyne trusts the child, then I guess they could be alright?”

“Yeah.  Just, don’t mention crazy dreams to her because as far as I know, she doesn’t get ‘em.  Or at least no one else I know remembers?  I don’t know, I’m just as confused as you are.”

“Then you must be... very confused.  What exactly do you actually know about the child Frisk?”

“Well pretty much everyone knows them and honestly, what I’m suspecting is some sorta breach in the spacetime continuum connecting our timeline to a possibly finite pocket multiverse that revolves around Frisk who’s got the ability to alter fate, but eh, it wouldn’t really matter if that were true.  Don’t ask me to explain what I’m saying, I didn’t get a word of that either.”

“Um.”  Asgore blinks.  “I was hoping for a better explanation but oh well...  I think that I must have seen this child before and remembered them... subconsciously.  Why should it mean anything else?  Our dreams have... nothing in common, it sounds like.”

“Okay.”

“Yes, no need to take this so seriously!  We’ve both had recurring dreams about Frisk, but, why is that anything to worry about?  Um, no discredit to your theory, though.”

“Nah, I’m just a college dropout who’s read too much science fiction.”  You shrug.  “Welp to each their own.  Whatever helps us sleep better at night.  It’s useless to get too deep into this mess.  Think I’ve wasted enough of your time already, I should uh, get back to Hotland, me ‘n my brother were havin’ a playdate with Alphys.”

“You’re still friends?” he asks.

“Yeah.”  There’s a long story you _won’t_ be getting into today.  

“That’s good!”

“Yep.  She’s a great friend.  Anyway...”  You pick up your cane and begin to stand.

“Oh,” Asgore says.  “I guess you don’t want your tea then?”

You pick up the teacup and tip it into your mouth.  It’s cooled off by now.  You down the whole thing in a few gulps.  “Good tea,” you tell him, “and good talk.  We should hang out again, I had fun even if this was kinda depressingly somber.”

“No, I’m glad you came.  This was very important.”

Yeah, the part about Toriel was.  “Can you uh, let me know if Toriel gets my message?”

You exchange phone numbers.  Asgore asks what your preferred method of contact is, you tell him you’re cool with whatever he’s cool with.  

Asgore sees you out the door.  “By the way,” he adds, “Sans, if there’s anything else you need to get off your chest... don’t hesitate to use that number.”  His voice is kind of reassuring.  There’s warmth there, nah it’s... concern.  “Your brother can call me too if he needs.  Your family has always been welcome in my home.”

You guess your family probably includes W.D. Gaster.  “Thanks,” you tell him.  “I’ll say hi to everyone for you.  Nice seeing you.”

“Good luck,” Asgore says.

“Yeah, you too, big guy.”

“I don’t think I’ve had a different nickname since Fluffybuns...”  Asgore smiles.  He wishes you a safe trip back to Hotland.

“Bye...”  You walk down the walkway.  You hear a door silently close behind you.

☠☠☠

You keep your head down.  You refuse to do any reflecting, no, you will not let yourself think.  Thinking leads to feelings; you can’t handle those.  Emotions are too big for you.

You didn’t get enough sleep last night.  Nothing to prepare you for this journey.  You don’t think, because as soon as you do, you won’t be able to stop, and you’ll exhaust yourself too much to keep moving.  So you look down and ignore the grey and wait until you’ve boarded the Core.

Then, you fall into a seat and let it all wash over you.

You feel stupid.  You should have rehearsed what you were going to say instead of letting that all out.  Asgore Dreemurr probably thinks you’re insane, but then again, you kind of made that impression on him several years ago.  And Frisk, he remembers Frisk, but not like you did.  To him, Frisk wasn’t the murderer.  He was.

You know who’s fault that is.  After what Toriel did to him... no wonder he had recurring nightmares about being a child murderer.  She painted him to be a monster, so in his subconscious, he became one.  But according to Frisk, you were _all_ monsters.  Asgore just happened to be the king of the monsters.

King of a diverse group of monsters, you think back to the drawing; scaly monsters, furry monsters, skeleton monsters...  And who were you?  You know how a few people fit in now.  There was king Fluffybuns, his former queen, and Undyne: head of the royal guard, apparently.  You never thought about where you fit into all this.  You probably didn’t play that big of a role.  You just watched Frisk.

What were you thinking, getting into this big complicated mess?  You just wanted to chat with the funny lady over the phone and pay your brother’s way through college.  It’s all grown and festered into something too big for you.

It’s all too big.

The buildings you rush past are huge.  They house hundreds of people, all with their own mess of complicated shit to deal with.  And most of them, the ones that are older than ten, you can bet, are all bigger than you.

You’re so, so _small._

Conversation washes over you.  Someone talking on the phone beside you.  “Yeah, they’re coming in tomorrow, will you be able to pick them up?  What’s that?  Oh, they’re taking the Tsudereplane.”   _Pause._  “I know they act rude sometimes but I promise they really _do_ care about their passengers, they just don’t like to admit it.”

You find yourself staring ahead and watching.  Yeah, you’re good at watching.  You forget why you’re here.  You sort of forget you’re here at all as you look around at all the bigger people.

A giant muscular uniformed woman reading a book called _The Sun and the Moon._ A weird magician muttering profane magical words under their breath.  A couple people who look kinda like the Froggit woman and the Whimsun kid, but somehow, more extreme.  Normally you’d ask them if they were related, but right now, you feel so removed from the world you can’t find it in you to talk to them.

You’re so tired.

Talking to Asgore made you feel like a little kid again.  Aside from being twice your size, he’s got more money than you could ever fathom, more friends, and more enemies.  It’s hard to remember what Toriel said, explaining why she left him.  What happened again?  You really can’t remember.  Those kids, her old life, they’re not just memories she can put in the dumpster and start over.  She had a life before you.  

He lost his kids too.  That pain you’ve seen in Toriel’s eyes, that you’ve heard in her voice, you’ll never really get that.  Old Fluffybuns is really the only one in the world who could understand that pain.  Who knows that pain.  

All you’ve got is knock knock jokes.

You spend a bit too much time brooding and sitting still with the buzzing around you and nearly miss your stop.  You heave yourself up and get on the train back to your friend’s house.  Because you have a life too, kind of.  You’re starting one.  You’re trying to.

Hotland’s loud.  Too loud and too fast, you expect to get trampled.  It’s later in the day, but still, you avoid Muffet’s bake sale.  Physically, the day hasn’t been too exerting, but your bones feel like matchsticks.  They’ll give way any second and you’ll break off into even smaller pieces...

You turn into Alphys’s street, and a familiar looking car turns with you.  Feels kinda like it’s following you.  You continue down until you reach her driveway.  The car pulls into it, with the shiny **MTT** license glaring at you.  Welp, you’ve got company.

Mettaton steps out of his car, brushing his hair in front of the right side of his face.  You wind up walking to Alphys’s door side by side.  You look down at his hand.  He’s got a fancy bouquet of roses clutched in it.  “Hm.”

He looks down as though noticing you for the first time, like you didn’t see him adjusting his hair for you.  “Yes?”

“Those flowers, are those for Alphys?”

Mettaton blinks.  “These?  What a great guess!  Yes, you’re right.”  He smiles and clears her throat.  “She likes roses, right?”

“She has a girlfriend.”

“I know that.”  Mettaton smirks.  “Our relationship is very different.  Much more complicated.”

There’s a card attached to the flowers.  You bend down and squint.  “Does that say... _Best Frenemy?_  They sell frenemy cards?”

“They sell cards for everything, beautiful.”

“Welp, the intent is pure, but I have a feeling she’d appreciate cherry blossoms more.  That’s kinda relevant to her interests.”

“Cherry blossoms fall apart too easily.  Everyone knows there is a rose to symbolize every feeling.”

“Which... feeling are you going for...?”  There’s a motley of colors, with no discernable scheme.

“I couldn’t remember which rose symbolized which feeling so I picked out the bouquet with the most colors,” Mettaton says proudly.  “I’m sure the right one’s in here somewhere.  She’ll love them.”

Was this Papyrus’s doing...?  Or does Mettaton usually buy Alphys flowers?  You look carefully at his face.  There’s a trace of nervousness.  Maybe it’s an apology gift.  This should be interesting.   _Good work, Pap,_ you think.

You hardly noticed that you’d both stopped in front of the door, not moving, neither of you going inside.  Mettaton turns to you.  He smirks.  “Your boyfriend’s cute,” he says.

“What.  Since when... do I have a boyfriend?”

“How adorable.  If you’re still here I guess he is too?”

 _What?_  Oh.  Oh shit.  “Okay dude,” you say, “hang on, wait out here, don’t move.  I’ll be right back.”

You open the door and disappear inside the house, running to pick up Papyrus’s glass of water from beside the couch and filling it in the sink.  You’re back out in a flash in time to meet a very perplexed Mettaton.  “Okay I’m gonna take a drink and I want you to say that again.”

“What.”

“Yknow, that comment you just made.  Repeat it.”

You take a sip.  Mettaton raises an eyebrow.  “You’re boyfriend’s cute.”

You spit out your drink, spraying water all around you.  MTT steps aside.  You laugh and choke, doubling over, putting the cup down on the grass.  “Oh man,” you wheeze.  “That’s the funniest shit I’ve heard in a while.  Wow.  S’much as I’d like to play that out, for, heh, my _brother’s_ sake...”  You chuckle.  Mettaton seems unfazed with your performance.  “Yeah.  Don’t think he’d find that as funny.”

“Honest mistake, gorgeous,” Mettaton shrugs.  He turns the knob.

“Wait.”  You put a hand on his arm.  It’s solid.  You realize he won’t feel it.  “If you think my brother’s cute, you should tell him yourself.  It’d really make his day.”

“It would, wouldn’t it?”  He strides past you.  “HELLO, ALPHYS!” he shouts.  “I’M HOME!”

“Great,” you hear.

You follow Mettaton into the kitchen where it seems everyone is eating a late lunch.  Looks like none of them noticed you when you came in before.  He bursts in, displaying the flowers.  “Yoohoo, look what I got you!”

Papyrus stares with gaping eyes as MTT dramatically presents his gift.  Alphys sighs and takes them.  Her eyes scan the card and narrow.  “Thanks,” she says impatiently.  “I’ll try and find somewhere to put them.”

“They’ll look lovely right in the middle of the table.”

MTT grins.  Alphys frowns.  Undyne’s eye roves back and forth between both of them.  “Aren’t they nice?” he asks.

“Yeah.  I said thanks.”

“It’s just my small way of saying thank you for everything.”

“D-Don’t worry, I think your money’s enough.”

“Oh, you’ll come around eventually, Alphys!”  He pats her on the head.  Alphys scowls.  “See you whenever.”

He turns to leave, looking satisfied with himself.  “I think they’re lovely!” Papyrus calls.

Mettaton smiles at him.  “You have good taste, darling.”  He winks.  You see Papyrus’s soul leave his body.  Mettaton walks off down the long, shadowy hallway and disappears into his side of the house.

“What the hell was that about?” Undyne asks.  “Man that guy seriously pisses me off!”

“It’s not like he did anything wrong,” Alphys sighs.  She stands up and starts rummaging through her cabinets.  “I think he was just trying to be nice.  Maybe I’ll try... thanking him better next time he comes out of his room.”

“It was because of me!” Papyrus declares.  “Sans?”  You blink.  “When did you get back?”

“Just now.”

Alphys and Undyne look at you.  “Did you find anything?” asks Alphys.

“If you found Frisk, you would have called us, right?” asks Undyne.

You sit down and stretch out your leg.  Papyrus asks if it’s hurt.  You tell him it’s fine.  Alphys finds a jar large enough to hold the flowers in and sets them down.  Everyone’s looking at you expectantly.  They all wanna know where you were.  It’s a lot to explain.  You ask for another drink of water, then, you tell them.  You admit where you went and your reasons for going, how you visited Asgore to get a message to Toriel.

“I don’t get why you had to do that alone,” Undyne says.  She sits back and narrows her eye.  “You made it sound like you were going on this long journey with a million stops.  This.  Wasn’t a hard journey.”

“Y-Yeah, and it might have been fun,” Alphys adds.  

“I’ve been wanting to visit for a while,” Undyne says.  “We coulda had a big party in the Dreemurr mansion!  It’s the perfect place for a party!  There’s plenty of stuff to break!”

“That’s not—” Papyrus begins.

You interrupt.  “I wanted to be in and out of there for personal reasons.  Going in there was already pretty awkward.”  And now, you feel even worse.  “Maybe another time.  I just, really wanted to get the message over.”

No one sees really happy with this, but what can you tell them?  You lost a few hours with your precious friends, oh well.  If you had just come in to tell him about Toriel, you could have taken the others with.  Except Alphys or Papyrus might have slipped up and mentioned something about your dating Toriel.  Weirdly, you think Undyne would be more sensitive than that.  But you couldn’t just take Undies with you, that wouldn’t be fair, would it?

It would have given Alphys and Papyrus extra bonding opportunities, but they seem more comfortable around each other already.  You hope the day went well.  Seems like they had fun.  They get bored asking you how your day went, and now, Alphys is interrogating Papyrus about his crush on Mettaton.

“Everyone and their _mother_ has a crush on him.”

“But mine is special!  He was a major inspiration!  Mettaton changed my life!”

“Yeah, you’re not the only one.  So, when did you realize you were gay?”

She asks the question innocently.  Papyrus frowns.  Undyne slaps him on the arm.  “That ship’s been sailed a long time ago,” she says.

“I have discovered recently that I am, what the folks call asexual,” Papyrus says.

“Oh, you too?”  Alphys grins at you.  You wink back.  “Guess it runs in the family.”  You feel your heart swell.

Alphys has questions for him, some pretty personal questions regarding his development and Papyrus says, “You know how you are, not comfortable with being touched and, I respect your boundaries?  There are things that... I’m not comfortable with either?”

Alphys laughs apologetically.  She gets a bit carried away sometimes, she says, especially when talking about sex because she finds it interesting.  Undyne has some stories to share about Papyrus’s initial journeys to self-discovery.  Normally you’d be joining in, but you can’t really find an opening.  Like you’re locked out.  So you listen.

Alphys changes the subject and talks about a project she’s working on.  Undyne says it’s the coolest thing ever.  You lose thread of what they’re talking about.  You get up, thinking you’ll use the bathroom.

A chair scrapes behind you.  Papyrus follows and taps your shoulder.  “Sans?” he says softly.  “What’s going on?”

You stop.  “Is it Toriel?” he asks.

“It’s more than that.”

Papyrus takes your shoulder, drags you to the couch, and sits you down.  “Alright,” he says.  “What’s wrong.”

You act on your first instinct and smile.  “Just a crazy day,” you say.

“Did something happen with Asgore?  Did you get in a fight about Toriel?”

“Whoa.  No, nothing like that.  I didn’t tell him.  About me and Toriel, I mean.  Just.  Still he was... kind of intimidating?”

“Asgore?  Intimidating?”  Papyrus laughs.  “He’s the nicest guy I ever met!”

“He’s big.  Really freaking big.  And beefy.  Like Toriel on steroids.  I think I know why I was intimidated.”

“Because he’s... big?”

You laugh.  You feel lightheaded and start wheezing.  “Yknow the overall effect isn’t bad!  I’m like— a flea, and over there we’ve got— a beefcake, okay?  Man, he looks like he could lift a truck— with one hand.  Isn’t that crazy?  You think it’s crazy till you look at the guy— I mean, if you can even _see_ him!  He’s really, really—”

“Sans.”  Papyrus takes your arms in his hands.  You keep laughing.  “There are more ways to a woman’s heart than being big!”

“I’m not talking about women’s hearts, bro.  Look, if this thing with Toriel doesn’t work out, I’ll just get with Fluffybuns!  We have things in common!  We’ve got similar tastes!  See.  He’s rich, and single, I’m a charmer, all I gotta do is work my magic and I’ll get myself a sugar daddy to take care of you.  Oh my god Pap, I think I have a crush on Fluffybuns.”

You snort and pitch your head forward into Papyrus’s chest.  “Pfft, who doesn’t?”

You pick up your head and spot Alphys smirking.  She walks over with the most shit-eating of grins.  “So you’ve finally learned, Sansy.  Guess I had to transfer my former raging crush to _someone.”_

“Be nice,” says Papyrus, pulling your head back to his chest.  “Sans is having a crisis!”

“No doubt.”  Alphys sits herself down next to you and snorts.  “But you— still um, identify as asexual, right?”

“Yeah,” you say, cooling down a bit.  “There’s uh, aesthetic appreciation.”

“Is that you know... what you have for Toriel?”  You pull your head away to look at her.  “You’re just... aesthetically attracted?”

“Sure, let’s call months of immeasurable and indescribable emotional connection an aesthetic attraction.”

“W-Well yeah...”  Alphys’s eyes shift.  “Emotional... aesthetic...  B-But, what would you do if Toriel ever asked you for...  What if she wanted it?”

“Never thought about that,” you say.  Now you feel stupid for that, too.  You’ve never spoken about it.  It just wasn’t on your mind.  But was the issue as trivial to Toriel as it was to you, or was she just trying to be sensitive?  Was she even attracted to you the way she was to her ex?  You’d wondered before, what would it be like, getting that close to her...  But Toriel never said anything.  You’d never said anything.  What did that mean?

“Well, not in uh, _all_ relationships but in most, sex is a big part of it!  And it’s important to get your feelings out in the open b-before it starts to become an issue—”

As your mind plays out the tragic failure that was the Dreemurrs’ babymaking process, something clicks.  “Holy shit...”

“W-Well don’t let it make you crazy—”

“Asriel.”  Alphys pauses mid sentence.  “Oh geez, why’d it take me this long, Asriel’s a— it’s their _names,_ Asgore— Toriel— they named their son after their ship.  I’m such a fuck.”

“You... just realized this now?” Alphys asks.

“WAIT, REALLY?” Papyrus exclaims.  “That actually makes a whole lot of sense!”

You groan.  Papyrus rests his hand on your shoulder.  Alphys carefully places her hand on the other.  Welp, this was exactly what you needed right now.  Where the hell is Undyne?  You look around.  She’s leaning against the wall next to the couch, looking less amused by all this than the other two.

“Undies cmere, I need everyone.”

“Go stew in your newfound attraction.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“I can’t just...”  She rubs her temples.  “You can’t have a crush on Asgore, okay?!  It’s too weird to think about!  He’s my dad in a weird way—”

“Then if Sans gets with Asgore,” says Alphys, “that’ll make you... his daughter in law?”

You quit wallowing and waggle your eyebrows at Undies.  She recoils and shoots Alphys a look.  Alphys shrugs.  “You’ll have to start calling me Daddy,” you add.

Undyne grimaces.  “I’m against this.”

“Hi Against This, I’m dad.”

“Sans.  Enough.”  Papyrus takes your arms and whips you around to face him.  “Undyne’s not your daughter in law!  And you do NOT have a crush on Asgore!  You’re just confused and you need to reclaim your woman!”

“But I’ve done everything I could—”

“That isn’t the point!  You need to _act_ more confident!  Women like a man who can assert himself and offer a steady shoulder to lean on!”

“What the fuck!” Undyne yells.  “What makes _you_ think you know what girls are into?!”

“There _is_ something pretty sexy about an assertive personality,” Alphys says.  “And a strong body.  Muscles are— p-pretty... heh...”

“Sans, what the hell’s all this about?” Undyne asks you, unpeeling from the wall.  “I know you’re not talking like this just to piss me off, even though you’re doing a good job of it!”

“What’s pissing you off.”

“So what if you think someone’s good looking, why’s that enough of a reason to start freaking out?!  You said yourself!  An aesthetic attraction doesn’t compare to an emotional connection!”

“Uhh...”  You don’t like this.  “Wow, you’ve completely misunderstood the situation.  I was joking about the sugar daddy part, it’s okay.”  Undyne glares.  “All I think is, he’s a good guy.  I like him.  As a person.  And... I’m starting to think maybe... he deserves Tori more than I do.”

There’s an infinity of silence before the explosion.  Undyne’s screaming, you can’t hear too many words aside from “—SEXIST BULLSHIT!!”

“Who’s sexist?” Papyrus asks.

“THIS ASSHOLE!”  Undyne points to you.  “HE _DESERVES_ HER?  WHAT IS TORIEL, A TROPHY?!”

“No—” you start.

“TORIEL AIN’T SOME PRIZE FOR THE WINNER OF BEST DUDE OF THE YEAR AWARD!  HER DECISION’S HER DECISION, WHOEVER _DESERVES_ HER MORE DOESN’T MAKE A FUCK OF A DIFFERENCE!”

“W-Well, being more desirable can... help your chances—” Alphys starts.

“Hey, I’m not saying Tori should be given to anyone,” you interrupt.  “And you’re basically just agreeing that Asgore’s better than me.”

“Look.  You tiny fool.”  Undyne plucks you away from Papyrus and picks you up by the arms.  You find yourself facing her eye.  “It’s not a competition.  I don’t even know why you’re comparing yourself to Asgore Dreemurr.  You know what he has to do with this?”

“Uh—”

“Fuck-all is what he has to do with this.”  Undyne glares at you seriously.  “I was there.  And I know what happened between Toriel and Asgore is irreparable.  There’s fuck-all he has to do with what’s going on between you now.  It’s unfair to bring him into your drama.”

She puts you down.  You find yourself shaking, but after what happened last time, you’ll wait a while before exploding.  Not with everyone around.  Alphys and Papyrus look like they want to say something, but they keep their mouths shut.

“YOU GET IT?!” Undyne yells.  “I THOUGHT THIS WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!  IT’S NOT!  A COMPETITION!”

“Maybe you could try not screaming,” Alphys says.  Undyne visibly shrinks.

“I’m just saying,” she sighs.  “You talk about like there’s this... love triangle!  Like, what’s Toriel, some lame-o YA protagonist who’s got two generic men fighting over her?”

“She just needs to wear a braid and carry a weapon,” you say.  “Wow, yes, I definitely trust Toriel with the fate of the world.  That’d be awesome.”

“No!  Argh!”  Undyne grinds her teeth.  “There’s a chance she might not get back together with you.  You know that, right?”

“Yep.”

“But even if she doesn’t, Asgore’s out of the picture!  That’s all I’m saying!  You really like her and you’re bending over backwards to make this work.  So if Toriel comes back, and, she’s what makes you happy, then go for it!”

Undyne pounds her fist.  “So you’ve changed your mind, huh?” you ask.

“What can I say?  You both own yourselves.”  She looks down.  “I’m coming to accept we’re all varying degrees of messed up.  So... if you trust her, and you’re prepared for whatever happens, then all I can say is, I hope it works out.”

“Does this mean I finally have your blessing, daughter in law?” you ask.

“Sure.  I don’t...”  She pauses.  “I can’t compare you and Asgore in my mind, okay?  You’re not the same.  At all.  You’ve got different strengths.  You just gotta... take what you’re given and ride with it.  And if you still want that slap you asked for!”  Her eye bulges.  “Just ask nicely and I’ll slap you silly to snap you the fuck out of this!”

“I just can’t help remembering... the way you said you didn’t want me to become Toriel’s next Asgore,” you say.  “That seemed like a comparison.”

“Yeah.  Maybe.  I thought we’d been over this.  Overall... whatever you want... whatever winds up happening... for fuck’s sake, I just want you to be happy.”

There’s a few seconds of meaningful silence before Papyrus pipes up, “A wonderful speech!  Undyne, you’re amazing!”

“Uhh—”

“Okay, everyone’s convincing me,” Alphys speaks up.  “M-Maybe... my ship _is_ a little problematic,” she admits.  “I mean, I wasn’t even following what happened when they split, I was just... disappointed?  I want everyone to be happy, too...”

“Hey, as long as you’re passionate!” Undyne says.  She finally seats herself on the couch and scoops up Alphys.  “Even if you ship my NOTP, you put your heart and soul into it!”

“Uhh, hehe... would you think it was less cute if I changed my mind...?”

“No!  As long as you put your heart into it!”

“That might take a while.”  Alphys smiles guiltily at you.  “I haven’t even seen you and Toriel in a room together, what can I say?”

“Eh, I forgive you.”

“I’m with Undyne,” Papyrus says.  “I’m for Sans and Toriel’s happiness!”

“I’m for _everyone’s_ happiness,” says Undyne.  “Asgore included, but... you guys can’t help with that.”

Yeah.  Now that you’ve met the guy, you hope for his happiness, too.

You check your phone.  Shit, he texted you a while ago.

 

_*Mr. Froggit left Toriel a message._

 

You text back _*thanks man._  Did she get the message?  Was she... still there?  What if she wasn’t?  What if the flowers weren’t enough to keep her around?  Does anyone know?  How long would it take to find her if...

_“Mmm watcha sayyyy~”_

Your heart skips a beat.  “Your phone’s ringing,” says Papyrus unnecessarily.  You take it out and your arms turn to jelly.

_Call from: Toriel_

“Welp,” you mutter.  Weird, your body can’t seem to move.  Papyrus looks down at your phone, the others look down, and finally, Undyne takes it, swipes the screen, and sticks the phone to your face.

You close your eyes and reply, to her unasked question:

“Who’s there?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The unasked question in case it wasn't clear is "knock knock" since that's a thing they do.
> 
> My reasons for Asgore having the most vision next to Sans is because like, in his fight, if you tell him he's killed you before he acts like he knows and believes it, where as everyone else (like Toriel) just feel like they've met you before. idk i felt like it exibited some level of self awareness and meta knowledge. But that's just my onion.
> 
> Red is bi. Pretty much everyone I write is bi by default. Mettaton isn't gay, he's pan, I guess, and so's Sans. Panromantic, or at least panaesthetic. 
> 
> The commenter suggesting Muffet's background was... lost. I can't remember if the idea was a tumblr ask or a comment. I always like to credit everyone who gives me ideas so if it was you leave a comment and I'll credit you! I promise I searched. Anyway I had to include it because I was just in NYC and this creepy lady tried to sell me shit... it was scary...
> 
> the most important part of this chapter was the tsundereplane joke


	32. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang's all here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sad
> 
> (DISCLAIMER: as I've said, I have no idea how anything works. im literally clueless so dont try to school me on subjects i know jack shit about)

“When can I see you.”

“H-Heh...?  I don’t get it.”  This is the worst knock-knock joke you’ve ever heard.  

“I’m sorry... I should have first said... Hello.”

“Hang on...”

You stand up, and stagger.  Alphys hands you your cane.  You smile at her and take yourself outside, away from prying eyes and listening ears.  You crouch down behind Alphys’s house where mechanical whirs make it a bit hard to hear.

“Are you still in the Capital?” Toriel’s voice asks.  “Where... where are you.”

“Too sad to think of a joke?  That’s okay I got one for you.”

“Hm?”

You close your eyes.  “What did the skeleton say to the old lady?”

Toriel sighs.  “Please, tell me what the skeleton said to the old lady.”

“Are you the fuck okay?”

“Is that the joke?  Oh dear, I have missed you...”

“I got the joke but I don’t know the punchline.  Do you know what it is?”

You count the pause in your head.  It lasts five seconds.  “I don’t know a punchline, I’m afraid.  The answer just is not funny.”

“All humor’s derived from deprecation.  So... c’mon, what did the old lady say to the skeleton?”

You wait another five seconds.  Whatever she has to say, you just want to keep hearing her voice.  No matter what it says.  “I don’t know how to answer,” she says.  “Though I suppose I owe you something...  I’m sorry, I did not prepare myself.  I’m sorry, I must know first— how long ago were you in the Capital?”

“Maybe an hour ago?  I’m in Hotland now.”

“I cannot believe you did this.  You really are something.  I’m so, so sorry.  I shouldn’t have doubted you.  You were right about Frisk, I was just being as silly and anxious as always.”

“But... didn’t you hear that Frisk came back to Snowdin?  Didn’t anyone tell you?”

“And why should I have believed them?” Toriel asks.  “Perhaps it was foolish, but I thought a fleeting sight of Frisk in Snowdin was... too good to be true.  Do not ask how I deluded myself into thinking otherwise.  I was determined not to get my hopes up.”

“Okay...”  You open your eyes back up and fold up your legs underneath you.  “Okay.”  So is this it?  Is everything better now?  “How’re you... what’ve you been doing this whole month?”

“Reflecting.”

“Ick.”

“I know.  It was a terrible thing to do.  There is no worse way to pass the time.”  She draws a shaky breath.  “I did the same things I always did.  Baking.  Watering the plants.  Feeding the animals.  Watching the sun rise and set from my window.  And what of you?  How have you fared?”

“You mean how have I farted?” you ask, chuckling to yourself.  “Uh, referencing that typo you made a while ago...”

Toriel lightly chuckles.  “I will never forget that.  I cannot believe you remembered...”

“I remember every embarrassing thing people have done.  Your big hands.  Uh... I’ve been... good.  Really good.  I’ve been everywhere.  Getting back with old friends and having a blast.  Wishing you were here to join in.  We should do that someday.  If you’re still for leaving the Ruins and coming back out here.”

“I want to come back out as soon as possible.”

“Good.”

“I knew you could do it,” Toriel laughs.  “I was worried, of course, but the last shred of hope told me you would be alright.  I am so, so happy to hear everything is okay...”  You hear the tears in her voice.  “If you will, before I get to my tales of woe, would you mind sharing some happy stories with me?  Please, hearing your stories always makes me smile.  I need to hear some more good news.”

“Okay.”  You’re not one for arguing.  “Welp, me and Undyne are on good terms again.”  You vaguely tell her about that.  You tell her you have a new bed.  And that your former college bestie who you hadn’t seen in years came over for a lunch date.  You slip in as many jokes and puns as you can, pretending it’s like it’s always been, even though it isn’t.  You want to hear how Toriel is.  But she needs this from you right now, so you try your best to make her laugh.  It isn’t working too well.  All you can hear in her voice from her few and far between comments is relief.  Relief at knowing you’re alive and well.

So you keep going until you get to the present.  “And then I knocked on his door and really wanted to say, hey Asswhore—”

That finally gives you the breathy giggles you’ve been waiting to hear.  You look up at the sky and smile.  “I didn’t.  Sorry.”

“I suppose you were perfectly civil to him.”

“As civil as I can be.  I wasn’t gonna be like, sorry but not sorry I smooched your ex-wife.  Heh...  You can bet it took all my willpower...”

“I’m disappointed in you.  You missed out.”

“I thought you might be angry at me for refusing to leave you alone,” you tell the phone.  “I mean you got like, a restraining order on Asgore, didn’t you?  For stalking you after you ran away?”

“It was different.  The story is too long to go into now.”

“I don’t know how different it was.  The only reason I didn’t haul ass all the way to the Ruins was because I didn’t know where to go.  Wasn’t he tryna check up on you to make sure you didn’t kick the bucket?”

“Perhaps.  Someday I will tell you everything you deserve to hear.  But this is not a good time.”

“Fine.  Hey, I was scared.  Suicidal ideation and all.  Call me strong all you want but I don’t know if I’d have made it in your position.  There must’ve been something good to hold onto.  Some little shred of hope.”

“I wouldn’t call it hope.”  You lean against the wall.  The clouds shift in the sky.  The sun pokes through into your eyes.  “It was too soon, you know?  Too soon to just throw away my life immediately.  Haven’t you ever wondered what gives someone the right to live?  Is it really about how worthy they are?  We think we deserve to die because we are useless.  But children and others deserve to live because of their potential for worth.  But who are we to decide who has the right to live or die?  Lives are taken unfairly every day.  So who is it that determines whether someone should die?”

“Uhh, karma?”

“A cruel force called fate.  I used to think there was something to it.  I’ve changed my mind.  Fate does not care.  Fate is not like karma.  Fate will choose anyone.  And living is not a right.  It is a chance.  A fortunate or unfortunate chance.  And if the reason for suicide is a feeling that there is nothing more we can contribute... losing the right to live...”

“I think most people kill themselves to escape the pain.”

“There would be no escape.  Dying would force me to face my children, and perhaps even Frisk.  At least I thought so at the time.  I wasn’t ready.  I don’t know how I’ll ever be.”

“Some people think death’s just disappearing.”

“I could not stand to take that risk.  I would have been no better to anyone dead than alive.”

“And the chance you’d make another turnaround wouldn’t have been a reason to keep going, huh...”

“I had too much time to think.  This is what I came up with.  Getting to live or die is not about worth or potential.  I have seen too much death to think that way anymore.  I think others who have less time to brood feel differently.  Life is subjective, feelings are subjective, so a sense of worth is a reason to live, and a lack of worth is a reason to die.”

“That kinda thinking’s dangerous.  Yeah, you need to get the heck out of there.”

“I do.  I so badly want to see you.”

“Me too.”  You move away from the whirring and try to find somewhere quieter to listen.  “What were you gonna do about your future, huh?  Did you think you were ever gonna talk to me again?”

“I almost did.  Several times.  I should have deleted your number, but instead, I spent hours going through our old conversations.”

“Ooo.  Bad idea.”

“No.  It kept me from contacting you again.”

“What for?  I’m a scream.  Thought you’d... give up eventually.”

“You underestimate me,” Toriel says coldly.  “You know why I cut contact with you, do you not?  I like you too much.  Our conversations reminded me why.  The more I wanted to talk to you, the more I realized exactly why I couldn’t.”

“I’m too damn sexy.  I’d drag you back into a world of circling misery.”

“Well yes...  In an awful, skewed way, I couldn’t allow myself to be happy again.  I would only want to see you and rejoin the fast and constantly moving cycle of hope and loss.  Perhaps it doesn’t make much sense, but it was what I felt I had to do to keep myself in control of my own fate.  I’m fate’s favorite target.”

“Yeah... seems like it...  But hey, turn’s out everything’s actually okay!”

“Why did Frisk leave?” Toriel asks.  “Did they tell you?”

“Same reason you left me,” you say, smiling a bit.  “They loved you too much.”

“Really now...?”

How can you say this?  Where to begin?  “Y’know how fate loves to screw you over?  Well I’m afraid it’s not done yet.  Frisk has... visions.  Weird visions.  They hear voices.  Frisk tries their best, but they’re I guess, as you’d say, not a hundred percent.  They hear voices telling them to kill people they get close to.”

That’s oversimplifying things to the extreme.  But what else can you tell her?  That the ghost of her dead child wants Frisk to kill everyone?  Because of a grudge from another world or something?  “Oh...”  You hear Toriel gulp.  “That is terrible.  Frisk needs to be found and helped.”

“Yep.  We’re working on that.  I think Frisk’s on their way to the Capital.  If they visit your old house, Asgore’ll catch ‘em, hopefully.”

“Have you told him this?”

“I told him Frisk needs to be found,” you say.  “He’s one of the few people who hasn’t actually met ‘em before.  But if Frisk shows up anywhere in the Capital, he’ll know, right?”

“He would,” Toriel says seriously.  “Yes... he’d hear right away.  And no doubt he’s looking to redeem himself.”

Yeah, you agree with her.  But she doesn’t know this extends beyond her.  She doesn’t need to know.  She wouldn’t understand.  “Are you in contact with him now?” you ask.  “Might be easier for him to contact you directly instead of through the Froggits.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Toriel sighs.  “Oh, well.  Perhaps this is exactly what I need right now.”

“Uhh yeah, closure sounds pretty healthy.”

“I’m amazed that you actually want me to talk to him.  And more amazed that you journeyed on your own to visit him.  You are quite unlike any other man I’ve ever met.”

“Y’know... I figured the big guy wasn’t even part of the equation, so why should I be scared of him?”  You cover the phone with your hand to hide your ugly snorts.  What an obvious lie.  So obvious it’ll go completely over her head.  But Undies is right, you decide, this isn’t a love triangle.

“Still.  That was so brave of you.  I hope it wasn’t all for me.”

“It was partly for Frisk if that makes ya feel better.  They’re... alone, too.”

“It’s terrible.”

“Yeah.  I just hope we can keep them down long enough to get them the help they need.  But don’t worry, you saw the video, they weren’t hurt.”

“How, though...?”

“Frisk’s just...”  Yeah.  Frisk’s just Frisk, that’s the only explanation you have.  “Now that everything’s okay, are you okay?”

“It’ll be a while.  I just...”  Her voice catches.  She heaves a few shaky breaths.  “I need to see you as soon as possible.  Will you be home soon?”

Your delicate heart twinges.  “We were planning on driving back early monday morning.”

“Oh...”

“But... I wanna see you, too.  I’ll see if I can work something out.  You wouldn’t mind meeting in Hotland, would you?”

“I don’t care.”

“Maybe think about this.  You don’t wanna get an anxiety attack on a crowded train.”

“I’ve missed you so much...”

“Be careful, Tori...”  You tighten your grip on your phone.  “I just... know, from uh, personal experience that maybe, making decisions when your head’s in a bad place is... stupid.”  Yeah.  Personal experience.  You’ll put it all on you and pretend you don’t know she ran away from home with a potentially life-threatening mental condition.  

“Oh, do not worry about me, I am not nearly as reckless as you.”

“You sure about that?”

“No.  You’re right.  I pretend I know what I’m doing, but really I am a reckless fool.  Should I even apologize for making you worry?  It seems you have already forgiven me.”

“Heh, for an atheist I believe in karmic retribution a hecka lot more than you do...”

“What...?”

“Think I needed to know what that was like.”  You think about what it must have been like for Alphys to wait for you for years, not knowing whether you were alive or dead.  And your own experience lasted just a month.  You’ve worried, but you haven’t atoned yet.  Not nearly enough.  You didn’t have to suffer as long as she did.  “Shouldn’t’ve been at your expense.  Heh, sorry my karma rubbed off on you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s not important.  Do you know how to get to Hotland?”

“Yes.”

“And... where’re you gonna go from there, right back home?”

“I suppose.  I’ll have to go back anyway.  If I am going to move, I will need a while to get everything ready.”

“So you finally made a decision...?”

“My way of thinking was wrong.  Trapping myself in a bubble is foolish.  I won’t give myself the chance to turn back anymore.  This was the last sign I needed.  I am finished.  Do not worry,” she adds when you start interrupting, “I will give myself a while to think and plan my future.  I am prepared to wait.  But right now this place is poison.  I just want to get away for a while.  I hate to bother you, but where else do I have to go...?”

The desperation in her voice makes your chest tighten.  “You wanna try video chatting again?”

“It’s too difficult for an old woman like me.”

“I’ll... teach you how to use the camera properly.”

“Is this a terribly inconvenient time to visit?”

“Nah.”  You’ll work it out with the others.  “Whenever’s good... it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m so, so sorry...”

Soon, you hope, you’ll be able to wipe the tears off her face.  Dab at them with a tissue.  Pat her elbow.  There’s not much you can do over the phone, aside from what you’ve always done.  “Knock knock,” you say.

“Wh-who’s there...?”

“Boo.”

“Boo hoo?”

“Pfft, don’t cry, old lady.  It’s okay.”

Smooth.  You hear a metallic snort in your ear.  Good going.  You wish she’d joke back, but you guess this is how she gets at her worse.  Laughs are harder to come by.  You’ll have to provide them all for a while.  “I have to go,” Toriel says.  “And find out when I can leave the Ruins.  I will get back to you as soon as I can, I promise.”

“Are you sure you—”

“If I do not get back to you right away, call me back in an hour.  I don’t want to worry you like that again.”

“Okay.  Tori...”  She waits.  You don’t really know what to say.  “I’m uh, really not mad at you, okay?  Only one I’m a little mad at is Frisk.”

“I hope they’re okay, wherever they are...”

“They’re gonna be fine.  They made it out of the Ruins without a scratch.  Don’t ask how, I’m still working on that.”

“I trust you.  I’ll trust you from now on.  Seeing as you’re no optimist...”  You laugh.  “Well yes...  No offence, but I’ll start believing you when you tell me things are going to be alright.”

“Heh... you just gotta believe in yourself.  I can try, but I can’t work miracles.”

“I beg to differ,” Toriel says.  She sighs.  “I’ll talk to you soon, I hope.”  She takes a deep breath.  “I love you.”

“Love you too...”

_*Click...*_

You repocket your phone, and the world comes back clearer.  The whirs are louder.  The sky is brighter.  You’re alone out here.

The stillness gets disturbed pretty quickly.  You recognize the loud heavy footsteps and feel Papyrus coming before you see him.  He jogs up in front of you, blocking out the sun.  “You’re off the phone?”

“Yep.”

“That... _was_ Toriel, right?”

“Yep.”

“How is she?”

“She’s not in great shape, but hopefully she’ll be fine soon.”

“I’m sure she’ll be much better now!” Papyrus says cheerfully.  Yeah.  That’s just what you needed.  That sunny optimism.  You almost feel like he’s right.

You smile at the ground.  “Heh... thanks, bro.  You’re... the only one I can always count on.”

“I—  Anyone can count on me!  But, was it— bad?”

“No.  She wants to see me right now.”  You hug your legs and sigh.  “But it’s a spur of the moment decision.  Those aren’t always good ones.  I’m scared for her.”

“Are you... officially back together?”

“Well we never officially broke up, so looks like nothing’s changed in our relationship status.  Uhh, for now.  What she needs isn’t my company, it’s a... a fucking therapist.”

“We could all use a therapist.”  Papyrus crouches down.  “But... you want to see her too, don’t you?”  You nod pathetically.  “I think maybe... that should come first?  You haven’t talked in so long!  It’ll help you both feel better!”

“I don’t know, Pap...  I don’t like expectations getting put on me.  I don’t wanna let her down.”

“But you’ve done so much already!  If I were Toriel, I would find that very attractive.”  You snicker.  “You’ve been apart too long!  When you two were together, I saw how comfortable you were around each other.  You just need a bit of time to feel right again!  You’re used to talking every day, aren’t you?”

“Heh, how’d you know?”

“I overheard you speaking to her in your room and thought you were talking to yourself,” Papyrus says with a frown.  “After seeing you two interact, I think you’ll be okay!  It’ll be awkward for a while, but think of it as a minor setback!”

“Yeah...”  You take your phone back out and finally open up your conversations with Toriel.  You scroll through.  “Heh...”  You spot a pun about pies.   _*You’re the apple of my pie! ]:)_  Further up, you see a picture you attached of an apple taped to your wrist.   _*got the new apple watch it works great_

Yeah, that’s how it’s always been.  Something so beautifully uncomplicated it took you no time at all to fall in love.  You’d forgotten how easy it was.  How long’s it gonna take to get back to that?

A window opens over your head and you jump two inches in the air.  “Move aside, punks!” Undyne shouts.  You drop and roll a couple feet so Undyne can jump gracefully out the window and land loudly in front of you.  She whips around.

“WELL?”

“Uh?”

“WHAT HAPPENED?”

You think you hear a quiet scuffling.  You look up and spot Alphys’s fluffy head peek through the window.  “Uhh, Tori’s alive and, she’s... probably gonna stop by here tomorrow?  Not sure what else to report.”

“So mission accomplished, then?” Undyne asks.

“Guess so.”

“Good.  I told you staying determined would work!  You followed through to the end, I’m proud of you!”  Undyne grins.  “Now let’s get inside, moping around’s just gonna make the time pass really slow.”

She’s right.  Papyrus helps you up and you follow her back into the house.  On your way in, your phone buzzes.  You pause to check.

 

_*Here’s one I’ve been holding onto for a while._   
_*Why do sharks prefer salt water?_   
_*Because pepper water makes them sneeze!!_

 

Your worries lift.  Already, you start to think it’ll all be okay.

☠☠☠

“I’d like to thank our lord and savior Kaname Madoka for this meal.” Undyne claps her hands together.  “Itadakimasu.”

“As Homura’s reincarnation,” you add solemnly, “I can promise your sacrifice won’t go forgotten.”

Alphys snifs.  Papyrus grumbles loudly.  Alphys attempts to eat pizza with chopsticks.  You leave your pizza on your plate and check your phone again.  “Wouldn’t you hear it if she messaged you?” Alphys asks.  “Wh-why do you keep checking?”

“Just in case.”  You can tell it’s getting annoying.  Papyrus has been understanding, but Alphys seems hurt by your mental removal from everything.  What can you say?  This is a special case.

The second after you check it, the phone buzzes.

 

_*If I take the earliest train in the morning, I should arrive in Hotland at around 5pm._

_*how do you even get to the train_

_*My friends are good to me._  
_*Do not worry about it!  I do like trains._  
 _*I hope taking the train will help us get back on track!!_

_*how dare you i was just gonna say that_

_*Sans._   
_*How does a train eat??_   
_*It goes chew chew!!_

_*tori_

_*Don’t try to distract me or I might lose my TRAIN of thought!!_

_*u ok_

_*Please, I have been keeping all these jokes to myself for a month._

_*do you still write them down_

_*Of course I do.  I have so many new ones that I hope I don’t run out of steam!!_

 

You hope she isn’t just overcompensating.  It’s hard to tell by the tone of her texts.  You’ve become too reliant on seeing people’s facial expressions to read them.  It’s okay, you tell yourself.  You’ll see her soon.

There aren’t any new messages from Sir Fluffybuns.  So there must be no news.  No more questions yet.  You wonder how he’s doing.  You kind of want to let him know how Toriel is, just because you feel bad for him.  But you know Tori would be livid if she found out.  She wants him to have as little involvement in this as possible, going behind her back would just be shitty.

But at the same time, you just want everyone to be as happy and ok as possible.  It sure would be nice to be Asgore Dreemurr’s friend, but you have a feeling that idea is better in theory.  Friendship with Asgore would bring up too many uncomfortable topics.  He’d ask you about Toriel.  Even worse, he’d ask about your dad.  So given your two greatest mutual relationships, maybe it’d be better to just... leave him alone.  Give yourself a break.

“Dude, you okay?”  Alphys’s voice snaps you out of your circling headspace.  She pokes you in the arm.  You look down at your uneaten slice of pizza.  

“Uhh...”  You glance around.  Papyrus looks especially concerned.  “Got distracted...”

You finish up your pizza slice, not really tasting it.  Undyne cleans up by swiping everything off the table.  Maybe you’d be able to join in and have fun if you didn’t keep compulsively checking your phone.  

 

_*What do you get when you cross a cow with a trampoline??_

 

 _A milkshake,_ you think, but you let her give you the punchline herself.  Her smiling emoji looks happy, but that doesn’t tell you shit.  But you don’t know what to say.  You don’t know what to do.  You won’t know until you see her.

Papyrus asks if you want to do a puzzle.  He and Alphys found something to bond over: Papyrus likes solving puzzles, and Alphys likes making them.  Undyne likes wrecking the puzzles, but Alphys has fun with that too, she makes the wrecking itself challenging.  Everyone has fun.  If only you could peel yourself away from your phone and join them.

“Maybe you could... put down your phone for an hour?” Alphys suggests.  “Tell Toriel you need a bit?  And, ask her to call if she... really needs something?”

“She needs to tell me stupid puns,” you say.  “She’s been holding back for weeks.”

“But I think you need a break.”

“I had a month.”

Alphys sighs.  “Our break was longer.”

You put the phone down.  “Alph—”

She turns away from you and shuffles over to Undyne.  She looks down.  She looks at you.  “The heck...?”

“It’s nothing,” says Alphys.

What an inconvenient time for your friend’s inferiority complex to rear its ugly head.  You could go trying to reassure her that she’s plenty important to you and shit except that you don’t know how to deal with that right now.  Amazing how much you can read without her having to say a word.  She’s tired of being second most important to you.  That must suck for her.  You’re too tired to talk it out or express your own frustration, so you keep your phone in your pocket and take it back out only to text back.

You’re trying, you’re _really_ trying to be sensitive of everyone.  But now, all of a sudden, you want to be alone again.  You just want it to be you and Toriel, you know you got everyone together but now you’re obligated to have a good time.  You’re too tired.  You tell them.

“In that case,” says Papyrus, “we should make Sans a bed.”

“We can buy one at the pet store,” says Undyne.

The ultimate decision is to make a pillow fort.  You’re okay with this.  Papyrus goes on and on about the pillow forts you would build in your childhood.  Well, you mainly watched Papyrus do it, but you contributed with your own little decorations.  You’d bring in the stuffed animals and books.  That was nearly twenty years ago, and Papyrus is a bit out of practice.  But he’s got two more sets of hands helping, one set is good at knocking everything down, but the other set is extraordinarily good at building.

Everyone goes on a pillow hunt.  They leave you to take the living room, so all you have to do is dump the couch cushions on the floor.  You send Toriel a picture for no particular reason.

 

_*you got any pillow puns?_

_*I do not want to insult them.  They’re too soft!!_

 

Undyne and Papyrus run into the living room and dump all the pillows in their arms into the pile.  Alphys comes staggering in with the weight of the rest.  Undyne casually asks where she put the body pillows.

“WE’RE NOT USING THOSE!”

“But we need them!  There are _four_ of us!”

Alphys has to awkwardly ask Papyrus if he minds seeing giant pillows with seductive and suggestive half naked anime figures printed across them.  Papyrus tells her he respects their differences.  He expects no less from an anime fan.  Alphys runs to get the pillows, throws them on the floor, then throws herself into them.

“Alphys,” says Papyrus, nudging her with his foot, “we need to build the fort!”

“Give me a few minutes to proudly wallow in my own juices of shame!” Alphys shouts into her pillows.

“YEAH!  I LOVE WALLOWING PROUDLY!”  Undyne jumps on top of her.  They wallow together in the sexy anime pillows until Papyrus gives up fighting.  You’d join them if you weren’t afraid of getting crushed.  

Before they get to building, Alphys draws up a plan.  For the floor, it seems like your sleeping bag will be put to use after all.  Unzippered, it’s just big enough for four people to sit on.  Alphys is going to make sure this thing stays up.  Papyrus looks on rapturously.

The couch cushions will be used for the base.  The anime pillows like bricks.  A blanket for the roof.  More for the walls.  “I wish I had you around when we were kids,” you tell Alphys.  “We woulda had a lot of fun.  And you woulda got on great with my dad.”

Alphys smiles.  She seems to forgive you.  You check your phone again.  Nothing.

Papyrus tests the floor and decides it needs extra cushioning.  “Sans’s back is in bad shape,” he says seriously.  Undyne hops off and drags down the giant comforter from Alphys’s bed.  They fold it over and it makes for a pretty soft floor.  You’re not allowed to lie down yet.  Not until it’s finished.

Alphys fortifies the pillow fort with chairs.  She’s a genius.  You tell her that.  Papyrus agrees.  Undyne reaffirms it very loudly.  Alphys blushes.  You check your phone.

 

_*Oh god I miss you so much._

 

Papyrus wants you to have the honor of testing out the pillow fort.  You repocket your phone.  You don’t know what to reply anyway.  You crawl into the little opening they designed.  This is the biggest pillow fort you’ve ever seen, and the ones you used to build with Papyrus were enormous.  It’s well lit.  Fancy.  You lie down.  You curl up.  Very nice.  You think you’ll sleep now.

Three sets of hands poke you awake and demand your critique.  “Comfy,” you say, “but it needs more personalization.”

It needs a special touch.  You journey to Alphys’s room to find it.  You pick up a weird lizard-looking stuffed animal from her bed.  “Heh, this looks like you.  The heck is it?”

“I think it’s called a scalemate.”  Alphys picks it up.  “Undyne gave it to me years ago.”

“His name is Senator Lemonsnout.”  Undyne’s eye widens.  She looks shocked at herself.  “I... I don’t know how I knew that.”

“Didn’t Lemonsnout used to belong to your mom?” Alphys asks.

“I think she stole it from her ex girlfriend...”  Undyne frowns at the stuffed animal.  “AH WHO CARES!  IT’S JUST A WEIRD LOOKING LIZARD!”

You station the weird looking lizard on the roof of the pillow fort as its designated guard and mascot.  Then, you pile in.

In your opinion, it’s more than big enough for four people.  But Alphys keeps near the entrance, shying away while Papyrus compliments her work.  You’re glad they get along now.  He’s doing great until he asks if they should invite Mettaton to join them.

“I don’t know if that’s the best idea,” Alphys says.  “I mean, he... probably won’t... want to.”

“It wouldn’t hurt to ask, would it?”

“You can snuggle with Mettaton all you want,” Undyne hisses.  “But you’re not bringing _me_ into it!”

“I can snuggle with Mettaton?” Papyrus says gleefully.

You respect Papyrus’s decisions and tastes and hope he doesn’t creep out his favorite celebrity, seeing as he actually might... like him?  You’re confused.  But you have bigger fish to fry.  You lean against Papyrus’s back and the fortified pillows as you ask Toriel what she’s doing.

 

_*Packing for tomorrow._

_*remember your tooth brush_

_*Of course, if I want to avoid a BRUSH with the dentist!_

 

You could tell her you think you already used that one, but you don’t.  Alphys tries showing Papyrus sports anime, begging him to forget for a moment that it’s anime and to think of it as any normal cartoon instead.  Payrus asks if there’s anime about car racing.  Alphys puts on Speed Racer, and in a couple minutes, Papyrus is hooked.

Alphys allows you to make fun of this one.  She and Undyne join in and Papyrus tells you to shut up.  Eventually you curl up against three different bodies and stare at your glowing phone.

Undyne drops next.  Papyrus gives Alphys back her laptop and says it’s past his bedtime.  He lies down and wraps one arm around you, and his other around his best friend.  Undyne makes a sound like an angry cat.

“Despite how weird this day was,” Papyrus says, “I had fun!”

“Yeah...” Undyne sighs.  “I’m glad we did this.”

“I can’t remember the last time I ever got together with friends just to have fun,” Alphys says.  “Or if... I... ever, heh, ever did that...”  She sighs.  “Thanks, everyone.  For being here.  It h-hasn’t been easy.  But I think that I wanna do this again sometime.  I like hanging out with everyone!”

Undyne frees herself from Papyrus’s grip and throws her arms around her.  She kisses her on the head.  “I knew it,” she breathes, “I just knew it.”

You don’t know what Undyne knew.  Alphys laughs awkwardly.  “You were right,” she says.  You don’t get it, but Papyrus happily tells them to kiss.

“We’ll kiss when we _feel like it,”_ Undyne spits.

Alphys yawns.  “W-Well, we can go up to bed now if everyone’s going to sleep—”

“I thought we were sleeping in here,” says Undyne.

“Oh.”  Alphys glances at you and Papyrus.  “Well, um... I guess it’s...”  She lies down experimentally near the entrance.  “Ok.”

“I will not be offended if you are more comfortable sleeping in your own bed!” says Papyrus.  “Boundaries are to be respected!”

“No, Alph, stay,” you groan.

“Uhhh...”  Undyne looks around.  She sits up, takes off her eyepatch, and tosses it outside the pillow fort.  “Whatever’s fine!”

For now, Alphys stays at the entrance.  “Is anyone cold?” she asks.  “Sh-should I get a blanket?”

You’re not cold with four bodies in close proximity, but you ask for a blanket anyway.  There are fewer things more comfy than sharing a blanket with friends.  Once she’s underneath the covers and less exposed, Alphys seems more comfortable.  In the dim light, Undyne tells scary stories making weird faces and gnashing her teeth.  You start to drop off.  Through half-lidded eyes, you see Alphys watching her dreamily.  She gets tired and Papyrus tries taking over.  You’ll pass out any moment.

Papyrus sighs and says he’s going to sleep.  He lies back with his head on Undyne’s arm.  Undyne doesn’t move.  Her eyes are closed—both her eyes— one is permanently sealed shut.  Alphys sighs.  “I’m too tired to go upstairs...”

“So stay here.”

“Hmmm...”  Alphys takes off her glasses and puts them in a little alcove.  She really thought of everything.  Undyne shifts next to her, rolls over and wraps her arms around Alphys.  “Oh no...”

Undyne hums sleepily and wraps her legs around Alphys’s lower torso.  “Oh no...” Alphys whipsers.  “Sans, I can’t move.”

“What a shame.”

“Well, g-guess I’m staying here!”

You wonder if Undyne’s really asleep or not.  Papyrus is already snoring.  Alphys is trapped in the pillow fort.  You take out your phone to see if Toriel’s asleep too.  You ask her.

 

_*I’m afraid I can’t sleep._

_*me neither_

_*I wish I could entertain you, but I do not have much to say._

_*thats ok_

 

You try texting memes back and forth, but you can tell neither of you are really into it.  Things aren’t how they used to be, not yet at least.  You’d be sadder about this, you think, if you weren’t currently lying in a pile of some of your favorite people in the world.  You reach out and brush Alphys’s arm.  She doesn’t move, she must have fallen comfortably to sleep in a loving embrace.  It’s her dream come true.  You squeeze her hand.  You squeeze Papyrus’s hand.  And to be fair, you nudge Undyne’s foot.  You feel it kick you back.

“Heh...”

You’re not sad.  You can’t be.  You have everything, _almost_ everything you could want right now.  Amidst the chorus of everyone’s slow, even breathing, you close your eyes and let their warmth wash over you.  You match their paces.   _Sorry, Tori,_ you think, as you join your friends and fall to an even sleep.

☠☠☠

For the first time in your life, you don’t want to go back to sleep.  Being awake, barely awake, is better.  Swaddled tight in blankets and a pair of strong arms, the morning sun filtered a soft blue instead of stabbing your eyes awake, you haven’t woken up to a more peaceful morning since early childhood.  There’s the one problem of hair in your mouth.  You try to spit it out.  You don’t want to move.  Plus, your left arm is being held down by the body holding you.  You keep spitting until the entire lock of hair is out of your mouth.  Then you hug the body back.  It heaves a sigh.

You hear Papyrus’s snoring not far from your head.  Someone’s leaning against your back.  Probably Papyrus.  But then...

Your vision is blocked by a blanket and a curtain of hair.  You wriggle around, but the squeezing gets tighter.  You hear another sigh, and then a deep whisper, “Mmmh, Alphys...”

 _Welp..._  Your captor shifts, the curtain of hair moves, you feel hot breath at your neck.  A mouth presses into it, leaving a sleepy kiss.  You stiffen.  The body holding you stiffens.

You’re fully awoken by a scream.  Then more screaming.  Bodies scramble and next thing you know, several pillow fall down on top of you.

“NGAHHH!”

“AAAH!”

“NYEH?”

You’re not awake enough to move yet.  You blink a couple times until some weight lifts and Papyrus pulls you out of the wreckage of the pillow fort.  It’s completely collapsed.  All the chairs are lying on their sides.  Alphys sits up far outside the wreckage, untangling herself from a blanket.  “WH-WHAT HAPPENED?!  Where— where are my glasses?”

“SHIT!” Undyne screams, jumping to her feet.  “FUCK!”

You sit yourself up.  “That was kinda nice,” you say.  You wrap your arms around Undyne’s legs.  “I knew you loved me.”

“FORGET ABOUT THIS!”

Alphys paws the floor for her glasses.  “Oh no... b-be careful guys, d-don’t crush my glasses—”

“WE’RE NOT EVER GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS!”

Papyrus helps Alphys search for her glasses.  Alphys finds them and shakily puts them on.  “N-Not gonna talk about what?”

“Nyeheh...”  Papyrus grins suspiciously.  “Nothing is what we’re gonna talk about!”

“YEAH!” Undyne shouts.  “NOTHING!”

“Undies please...”  You squeeze her legs.  “Just one more time... we don’t have to talk about it...”

Undyne scowls.  “What are you grinning about,” she spits at Papyrus.  Alphys seems alarmed.  She asks if everyone’s okay.  Undyne insists everyone is _fine._  Alphys wants to know why you’re squeezing her legs.  Undyne bends down.  To your shock, she picks you up.  “You wanna hug, little man?” she seethes with a gigantic grin on her face.  You find yourself being carried in her arms and— you have a bad feeling about this.

“Yeah, right this way you cuddly freak.”  She brings you to the trash can.  Papyrus runs after her and begs her not to throw you in the trash.  She has to place you _gently_ in the trash.  Alphys is still confused, but decides she shouldn’t interfere.  As punishment for your actions, you’re sentenced to five minutes in the trash.  You accept your sentence gracefully.

“Can I go in the trash next?” Papyrus asks.

“By this logic,” you say, “since I was unaware of who I was cuddling when I woke up, and I don’t move around much in my sleep, _you,_ Undyne Peixes-Serket, deserve at least double the trash time.”

“Wh-What?!”  Alphys’s hands fly to her face.  “What did I— what did I m-miss!?”

Papyrus whispers something to her.  Alphys hides her face, and makes noises almost like she’s crying.  You seat yourself more comfortably in the trash can.  All that’s in here are crumpled up pieces of paper.  It actually smells nice.  “So to go in the trash,” Papyrus says, “we have to hug you?”

“Level four and up is allowed!”  Undyne traps Papyrus in a headlock and aggressively noogies him.  Alphys peeks between her fingers.  Through the commotion, you almost miss out the faint sound of—

_“Mmm watcha saaayyy~”_

You scramble so fast that the trashcan tips over.  You’ll asses the damage later; you dash across the room.  Undyne lets go of Papyrus and throws out her arm to stop you.  You slide under it.  You search around the pillows— it fell out of your pocket.  Shit.

_“Mmm that it’s all for the best—”_

You swipe at the ground until you grab hold of your blessed rectangle.  You swipe the screen without giving it a glance.

“Hey.”

“Good morning.”  That’s not the voice you were expecting to hear.

“Hang on, big guy.”  You cover the mouthpiece and hold up your hand in a feeble attempt to stop Undyne from dropping the trash can on your head.  “Sis, why don’t you serve out your turn in the trash first.  I’m busy.”

Undyne drops the trashcan and steps away.  The commotion calms down.  “Heh, sorry,” you say into your phone.  “Uhh, what’s the news.”

“It seems that Frisk is roaming around the Capital.”

“Welp...”

“Friends told me they saw a child who matches your description.  They seem to be on the other side of town.”

“Damn, you sure got word out fast.”

“Thank you.  I don’t think anyone’s ever actually seen them before, but it’s the strangest thing—  Like you said, everyone seems to have the feeling they already know them.  No matter, though.  We should have them safe by today.”

“You’re the best, dude.  I love you.”

Asgore clears his throat.  Too far?  Your face heats up under Alphys’s scrutinizing glare.  “Ahem.  Well, I guess that’s all.  I will keep you updated.”

“Yeah, thanks for—”

When you’re not looking your phone disappears from your hand.  You look up.  Undyne carries it away and yells, “Hi, Asgore!”

“Undies, shouldn’t you be in the trash?”

“Great!” she says to the phone, pacing away from you.  You lie on the floor and accept defeat.  “How’re you?  Ha, good?  Are you sure about that?  What did you have for dinner!?”

 _The heck...?_  You vaguely hear Undyne lecturing Asgore about salad.  It’s too early for this.  “Can I say hi, too?” Papyrus asks.  “Put it on speaker!”

“Ugh, fine!”

Papyrus says hi.  You hear Asgore reply with an awkward, “Howdy, Papyrus.”  Alphys sits on the floor next to you.  She folds her legs and looks on with the most unamused expression.

You hear Asgore say something about Frisk, and your ears perk up.  “Nah, there’s no reason to be afraid of Frisk!” says Undyne.

“But, aren’t they disturbed?”

“Nah, just a total weirdo!  There’s only one reason to be afraid of them; they hit on.  Everyone.”

“Frisk once asked me out on a date,” Papyrus says.  “It was difficult to turn down their affections but I hope someday they’ll go after someone a little closer to their age!”

“Yeah, so don’t get alarmed if Frisk just goes up and greets you with a hearty smack on the butt.”

Alphys scrambles over and adds, “It’s true, you should be on— um, th-this is Alphys by the way.”

“Hello, Alphys.”

A few minutes later, you crawl over to get your phone back.  Everyone’s too busy talking to Asgore to pay attention to you, until Alphys comments that the battery is nearly dead.  Undyne hangs up after a hasty goodbye and drops the phone into your lap.  “Thanks guys,” you say.  You glance at the screen and your heart jumps into your throat.

There’s a message in your inbox and you have no idea how long it’s been there.  You have just enough battery life to check it before your screen goes black.

 

_*I’m on my way._

☠☠☠

Before 5pm, the sound of your phone nearly makes you jump out of your skin.  You answer Toriel’s call.  “I am going to be late,” she says.

“Oh.  Uhh, is everything okay?”

“I do hope so.”  She pauses.  “I’m sorry, I do not know how long I will be.”

You don’t like how her voice sounds.  Empty and serious.  Not a trace of her warm lightness.  “What’s wrong, is there a delay?”

“I have something I need to do first.  I promise, I want nothing more than to see you, but...”

“You’re not gonna tell me what it is,” you say.  “Are you.”

“I will as soon as I see you.  This train ride has been hell.”

“Wanna distraction?”

“No.  I should try and rest.  I love you so, so much.”

“Me too and uh, call me if you... change your mind about wanting a distraction.”  Your phone beeps.  “Huh, I’ve got another call waiting.”

It’s from Asgore.  “I will go then,” says Toriel.  “By the way, in case you did not hear, Frisk has been found.”

The phone clicks before you get the chance to respond.  You don’t know if you’re ready to believe it, and now, you know why Toriel didn’t either.  But if it’s true, then shouldn’t she be happy?  Shouldn’t she be laughing with relief?  What the hell is going on?  You answer Asgore’s call with an exhausted, “Yo...”

“How are you, Sans?” Asgore asks.

“What’s up.”

“I have some very good news for you.  I happen to have a visitor who’s—”

“Frisk?”

“Yes, Frisk.  They’d like to say goodbye.”

You close your eyes and try to process what you’re hearing.  “So they’re... at your house.”

“Indeed.”

“Just... hanging out?  Is your house under really heavy guard?”

“Huh?”

“Look dude, Frisk has a tendency to run away.”

“It’s alright.  We had a talk.  I don’t think Frisk will be running away anymore.”  Those words sound more sinister than they were probably meant to sound.  “Anyway, I hate to ask this on such short notice, but this may be Frisk’s last chance.  Since you’re all close by, Frisk was hoping you, Alphys, Undyne, and your brother could stop by.”

“What do you mean by ‘say goodbye?’  Like in a sort of leaving forever type of way?”

“Forever is a very harsh way to put it.  Think of it as a pleasant... sending off gathering.  I promise, I will reimburse you all for your trip.”

“Cool.  Uh hang on, I should probably... talk to everyone.  Uhh, call you back in a few minutes.”

You hang up before Asgore has a chance to give you his polite goodbye.  You look around to see if anyone overheard, noticing the mention of Frisk.  No one’s looking anymore.  You’ve been on the phone so much everyone has lost interest in listening in.

You give over what Asgore told you.  They’re perplexed.  They want to know more.  So do you.  Undyne calls Asgore herself and asks what the hell is happening.  Is Frisk okay? she asks.  How’d they get there?  She hangs up after a minute and says he’s busy talking with Frisk and doesn’t have much time for answering questions.

“If— If Frisk wants to see us,” says Alphys, “then we should get going.  I’ve been, kind of wanting to see them for myself since I learned they were... actually real.”

“I can’t believe Frisk was there,” Undyne says vaguely, “that day.  Just hiding in the trash.  Heh...  They shoulda come out a long time ago.”

“But they did!” says Papyrus.  “They came out a lot, we just have no idea... where they went back to.”

The train’s the fastest way to get there.  You don’t want to waste any time.  You have no idea how long Frisk will remain at the Dreemurr mansion until the authorities take them to... wherever they’re supposed to be.  You just hope Asgore has a little more sense than Toriel in how to deal with them.

 

_*please tell me you contacted child protective services_

_*Of course._

 

Good.  Welp, you guess after what happened to his first kid, he’s not letting this one go as easily.  Yeah, you trust him.  Toriel’s accusations ring in your head.  You’ll have to just trust them both for now.  You don’t want to be this torn.  You wish you could just play the blame game with her and see Asgore as a bad guy.  Love triangle or not, your thoughts are going around in circles again.  Alphys notices.  She says you look nauseous.

“Motion sickness,” you grunt.

“No, I can tell, you’re worried about Frisk!” says Papyrus.  “Well, I’m worried, too.”

“I’m not!” says Undies.  “They’re in good hands!”

They don’t forget about you.  They won’t leave you to ride with your own thoughts again, and you let them distract you.  They discuss what Frisk must have been up to.  Your theory is that since it’s only been a week since you last saw them, they’ve been planning this trip.

This train ride’s not nearly as quiet as last time.  With Papyrus, Undyne, and Alphys accompanying you, the city seems less grey.  Undyne and Alphys know exactly where they’re going without any navigational systems.  Papyrus pretends to know where he’s going and gets pulled in the right direction at every turn.

“SANS!”  Papyrus grabs your arm a few blocks away from the Dreemurr mansion.  “Our old house is that way!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Do you think it’s still there?”

“I remember some major construction going on in that direction,” says Alphys.  “B-But, maybe if we have time, we could check it out?”

“Let’s not worry about that right now,” says Undyne, smiling at the path ahead.  You’re with her.  You wind up walking by her side, your hand clutching your phone in your pocket.  You feel it buzz.  You nearly trip over yourself in your haste to check it.

 

_*PUNK’D_

 

You spin around.  Undyne walks next to you, holding her phone out and smirking.  You text back,

 

_*ill never forget the sweet sensation of your tender lips on the delicate nape of my sensitive neck_

_*As soon as we get back you’re getting another ten minutes in the trash_  
_*Or you’ll get to feel another sensation on your delicate neck_  
 _*Called PAIN!!!!!_

 

“Nice,” you say out loud.  Undyne reaches for your hood and pulls it over your head.  “Papyrus help.”

“Both of you look where you’re going!” Papyrus scolds.

“There’s um... a turn... over here,” says Alphys.

“Yeah I knew that!”  Undyne confidently carries on.  You quickly check your phone again for any more texts, but Tori hasn’t gotten back to you since she announced she was going to be late.  Before you know it, you find yourself walking back down New Home to the giant mansion at the end of the street.  It looks less ominous this time.

So this is it.  You didn’t think you’d be back here so soon, or ever.  Undyne leads and you follow her down the lawn.  She ignores the stone path and strides on the grass.  She throws open the door without knocking.  Papyrus hesitantly knocks on the wall as he enters.

“You still look sick,” Alphys tells you.

You shrug your shoulders.  “HELLO?” Undyne calls.

“We’re in the sitting room,” comes Asgore's voice from what's evidently the sitting room.  Sitting room, huh.  Classy.  You follow Undyne and Papyrus into a huge room with wide windows.  This was the room you saw from outside.  It overlooks the fancy lawn.  The room is filled with the kind of fancy couches and furniture that you probably couldn't put your shoes on.  You spot Asgore right away.  He's kind of hard to miss.  He sits in a comfortable looking armchair with his back to you.  As you step into the room to get a better look, you spot a tiny, mussy head behind him.

“Hello, everyone,” says Asgore, getting up to greet everyone.  His chair creaks heavily as he stands.  “Frisk was just telling me a fascinating story.”

Frisk puts down a cup of tea and looks up.  You don't have the chance to get a word in before everyone swarms them.

“Heya, punk!” Undyne yells.

“Frisk!  You're okay!”

Papyrus runs over, picks Frisk up from the couch, and holds them up to the light.  “We've finally caught you!”

“Thought you could get away from us, huh?”  Undyne smiles.  Papyrus lowers Frisk so she can ruffle their hair.

“H-Hi.”  Alphys squeezes between them.  “Y-You remember me, right?”

Frisk wriggles out of Papyrus's arms and drops down in front of Alphys.  Frisk gestures to Alphys's pocket.  “You want... my phone?” Alphys asks.  She pulls it out and hands it over.  Frisk begins typing and hands it back with a smirk.  Alphys reads the text and winces.  “Oh god...” she mutters.  “Th-that’s adorable, but... even I wasn't like this when I was your age!”

“What's it say?!”  Undyne grabs the phone and glares.  She squats down to Frisks level.  “Listen you brat, she's taken!”

Papyrus chuckles.  You turn around and step back a couple paces so you can look Asgore in the eye.  “So uh... was everything okay?  Frisk give you any trouble?”

“No,” says Asgore, watching Frisk get noogied with a neutral expression.  “No trouble at all.”

“Good.”

“Aren't you going to say hi?”

“Yeah...”  In a little bit.  Frisk is typing something else on Alphys's phone.  They turn it around and Papyrus reads out loud:

“‘You two should smooch.’  Frisk...”  His eyes narrow.  “You need to... take it down a notch.”

“Well why not?!” Alphys yells.  “Let’s—”

“No!” Undyne interrupts, red in the face.  “Frisk you weirdo, we smooch whenever we darn well please!”

“I guess she wasn't kidding,” says Asgore.  “Frisk certainly is shameless...”

“Yeah, Frisk is a lot of things.”  You put your hands in your pockets and watch them for a while.  Frisk communicates with Alphys’s phone.  Finally, they look at you.  You don’t change your expression.  You keep on smiling like you always do.  Frisk tries to draw you over with their eyes.  You don’t move.  They shove their way through the small crowd of adults surrounding them.  You let them approach you.

“Welp.”  You’ve got five pairs of eyes on you.  “We’re here, Friskers McWhiskers.  You happy yet?”  Frisk looks at you quizzically.  “I need to know once and for all if this is it.  Because I’m gettin’ tired of all this running around.  See this?”  You twirl your cane.  “I don’t know if I had this problem in another life when you knew me, but it doesn’t make travel easy.”

Frisk puts their hands on your shoulders.  “What,” you say.  The push you backward until you fall on the couch behind you.

“Awww...” Papyrus coos.  “How thoughtful!”

Frisk picks up a teapot on the table and refills their cup.  They hand it to you.  They sit down beside you.   _‘Does it hurt?’_ they sign.

“Uhh... a little...?”  Frisk frowns seriously.  They sign _ice._  “Nah, I don’t need ice.”

“Geez, Sans,” Undyne says, “you wanna be a little _nicer?_  You have no idea what this kid’s been through!”

“I’ve got a little bit of an idea.”  You wink.  Asgore clears his throat.

“Anyway,” he says, “It’s good to have you all here, if anyone wants tea—”

“I’LL GET THE CUPS!” Undyne shouts.  She hops off.

“Thank you, Undyne,” Asgore says to the empty spot where she stood a second ago.  “Well...”  He trails off.

“S-So, Frisk...”  Alphys looks like she wants to sit, but stands nervously in front of the couch.  “Why did you... want to see all of us?”

Frisk smiles and makes a heart with their hands.  “R-Really?”  Alphys laughs.  “That’s really something but, I don’t... wanna say we’re not friends, but, I didn’t think that you... liked me?”

Frisk types.  You look over their shoulder at the message they’re writing before they show it to Alphys.

 

_*i like u. can we b frends?_

 

“Oh my gosh...” Alphys breathes.  “I— I guess...!”

 

_*ur realy cool_

 

“Oh, geez...”

Alphys hides her face in her hands.  Undyne comes back with her hands full of tea cups and asks what Frisk did this time to make Alphys so flustered.  Papyrus is enamored.  “You devilish little angel!” he calls them, clapping them on the shoulder.  “You’re a charmer, aren’t you?”

“Welp, the saccharine shtick sure is adorable,” you cut in.  “But I wanna know what we’re all doing here.”

Frisk puts up their hands to sign something, but they freeze.  “I told you, didn’t I?” Asgore speaks up.  “Frisk wanted to say goodbye.”

“So... this isn’t because of me, is it?”  You have to ask.  “Heh, did I scare you away?”

Frisk hangs their head.   _‘I can’t keep running,’_ they sign.   _‘I’m sorry.  I’m done.’_

“Done?”

_‘Everyone’s together.’_

“So is that what you were trying to do...?  Gather everyone in one place?”

Frisk folds their hands.  “Hey,” you say.  “Next time, just invite everyone.  There’s gotta be a better way of hosting a reunion.”

“The heck are you talking about?” asks Undyne.

Frisk signs, _‘Almost everyone.’_  Yeah, you definitely feel something missing.  “So,” you say, “after this, you plan on turning yourself in?”

Asgore clears his throat again.  “I have, as you would say, already ‘turned them in.’  But there’s no reason this has to be goodbye!”

“Yeah kid, you sure love makin’ things harder on yourself than you have to.  ‘Sides, you’ve got a secret way of getting places as fast as you do, don’t you?  How do you do it?”

Frisk signs something about a car.  “So you get a ride, huh...?  That simple?”  You chuckle.  “Yeah, I’m gonna have a word with whoever’s driving you.  Nothing wrong with getting a ride places, but you have to tell someone, okay?”

Frisk nods.   _‘I promise.’_

“What do you promise?” you ask.

_‘To not run away and make people worry and let someone know where I am.’_

“Very good.”  You pat their head.

“What did they say?” Papyrus asks.

“To be more responsible,” Asgore says.  “To let an adult know when they go out.  It’s a very good promise, Frisk, for once you find a good home.”

Frisk shifts.  “Yeah,” Undyne sighs, sitting on the arm of the couch, “we gotta get this kid a good home.  And listen!  Promise or not, I’m watching you!”

“As am I!” Papyrus quickly adds.  “If you can get a home in Snowdin, we’ll be watching you around the clock!”

“We’ll be watching you _no matter what!”_

Frisk smiles and their body shakes with little laughs.  They don’t make any sound aside from short exhales from their nose.  You feel bad for being kind of mean.  This kid needs a scolding, yeah, but also guidance.  All they have are memories to follow.  That path they’ve taken so many times won’t work here.  You dig your fingers into their shoulder.  “Yeah, you definitely can’t leave forever,” you say.  “I don’t like making promises, but I like to stick to ‘em.  And I think a long time ago I promised a nice old lady I’d watch your back.”

Frisk fidgets.  “I’m definitely missing something,” Alphys mutters.  Frisk asks you with their eyes if you really remember.  You loosen your grip on their trademark striped shirt.  “Heh... maybe we should talk about this later.  Before you ask, yeah, there’s gonna be a later.”

“You didn’t think you could get away from us, did you?” Undyne asks.  She cackles and elbows Frisk in the arm.  “We’re gonna make sure that wherever you end up you’ll never be rid of us!”

You translate for Frisk again and thank everyone on their behalf for being here.  You also happily add the second part of their message; that they’re glad to see all their sexy faces.  “Golly gee,” Asgore whispers.  “Especially you, apparently,” you add to him.  “Uhh okay, Frisk just called you something that I don’t wanna repeat in front of Papyrus.”

“I... got that,” Asgore mutters, looking away shyly.  “Frisk, you’re so young, why don’t you try... getting to know a nice fifth grader and... taking them out on a walk?”

 _‘But you’re my big spicy daddy,’_ Frisk signs.

“What did—” Undyne begins.

“Ooookay, Frisk.”  You grab their arms and hold them behind their back.  “That’s enough from you—”

“When you say... _‘Daddy,’”_ Asgore says, “does that mean you see me as a father figure?”

Undyne smacks a hand to her forehead so hard that Alphys jumps.   _“You,”_ she says, “are going in the trash!!”

Frisk raises their eyebrows at her.  “So you just wanted to hit on everyone at once...”  You release their arms.  “Welp, I changed my mind, this should be pretty funny.”

“Frisk, is this because you were hurt by my rejection?” Papyrus asks.

Frisk reaches over and strokes his arm.  “Alright, as compensation, I will let you stroke my bicep!”

“Mine is bigger!”  Undyne flexes.  Alphys flexes too.  “Mine is nonexistent!” she announces.  Frisk feels both their arms and gives them both thumbs up.

“Hey, you’re next,” you tell Asgore.  “Not me, though.  ‘S far as I know, Frisk’s not as into me.”

Asgore steps back.  Frisk picks Alphys’s phone back up and types messages.  You don’t have time to read all of them, but by the way the others react, they seem to be nice messages.  Finally, Alphys asks them, “Frisk, why did you keep running around so much?”

 

_*i dont have a place to go back to_

 

“So then... why do you have to take all these long and dangerous journeys?”  


_*i want to see all my frends  
*liek u_

 

Though they’re surrounded by all their closest friends from another life, Frisk’s happiness seems incomplete.  You get it.  You tap their shoulder and sign, _‘You’ll see her someday.’_

Frisk shakes their head.  “Hey I got a better idea,” you say out loud.  “I can call her right now.  You can hear her voice and I’ll translate for you.”

_‘Can you?’_

“Yep.”

“Who, Tori—” Papyrus begins.  Suddenly, the doorbell rings.

“Aw damn!” Undyne exclaims.  “Whoever’s here can’t be that important—”

You hear the door swings open.  Asgore walks out of the living room and frowns in the door’s direction.  “Who could that be?” he says.  You watch his eyes widen and know what’s coming before you see the new visitor.

You get up and walk to the middle of the room.  You listen.  “Tori, you came back!”

“Don’t ‘Tori’ me,” comes a tired sigh.  Your heart clenches.  You feel Frisk’s eyes on you.  “I told you I was on my way.”

“You... did?”

“Anyway, I suppose I should ask if I can come in.”

“Whoa,” Alphys says, “is that Toriel Dree— I mean Toriel?”

“Who else is here?” Toriel’s voice calls softly.  “I did not know you had company aside from Frisk.”  You hear a long pause.  “Well, are you just going to continue standing there?”

“No, Frisk is ah— in the living room.”

You stand still.  Your hand’s right on your phone.  If you wanted, you could shoot her a message.  You could call her.  But you don’t think she’d pick up.  So you wait around dumbly until she enters with her head held high.  Her hair’s out of its usual complicated braids.  She’s shoved it all in a ponytail.  She looks around the room and blinks.  She glances first at you.  You look eyes and try to silently say hello.  She tears away first and walks over to Frisk.

Frisk jumps up from the couch and rushes to her.  They jump up and Toriel catches them in her arms.  Frisk buries their head in her chest.  “I’m here,” Toriel whispers.  “My dear... are you hurt?”

Frisk shakes their head in her chest.  “Frisk...” she mutters, and lifts them up higher so they can place her head in her neck instead.  You want to laugh at her incredulous frown.  “Oh dear... there’s no need to cry.  I’m here...”  She closes her eyes and strokes their hair.  “I’m here now.”

She looks up a little awkwardly.  “Hey,” you say.

“I did... not know you were here,” Toriel says.

“Welp, I didn’t know you were coming.”

“It’s... nice to see you.  All of you.”

Papyrus jumps up from the couch nearly as fast as Frisk did and rushes to her side.  “It really is you!” he exclaims.  “Ahem, Toriel, I’m so glad to see you are alive and well!  Sans was very worried about you!  And so was I!”

“Thank you, Papyrus,” she sighs.  “I’m alright.”

“I’m so glad!  Sans and I have been doing all we could to track down Frisk and let you know they were okay.”

“You are both too kind.”

“Undyne and Alphys helped too.”

Toriel turns around with Frisk in her arms.  She approaches the couch.  Undyne avoids eye contact.  Alphys can’t stop staring.  “Thank you for your help,” she tells them.

“N-No problem,” Alphys stammers.

Toriel takes Frisk to the couch across from them without so much as another look at you.  You want to say something, but you didn’t know you’d have to fight for your attention.  You don’t want to fight.  So you sit back down.  “She really your girlfriend?” Alphys mutters in your ear.

“Eh.”

Undyne frowns.  Papyrus decides to sit down next to Toriel, patting Frisk’s arm.  Asgore nervously walks over and towers over the couch.  “How... have you been?” he asks.

Toriel’s eyes shift downward.  “Fine,” she says softly.  “Thank you for looking after Frisk.”

“You’re welcome...!”

You feel delight radiating off every inch of Asgore’s being, and discomfort radiating from Toriel.  “So,” she continues.  “Alphys... and Undyne Peixes-Serket, all friends of Frisk?”

“That’s right!” says Alphys happily.

“It is good to know they have so many friends.  You will keep in touch with everyone, will you not?”

Frisk picks up their head and nods.  They give you a significant look.  Then they sign, _‘I promised.’_

“Did you now?”  Toriel smiles and rests her hand on Frisk’s head.  “I am glad I got to see you again.  From now on, everything will be alright.  I will make sure that you are safe.”

From behind, you see Frisk’s body convulse and their breath quicken.   _“Shhh...”_  Toriel resumes steadily stroking their hair.  Frisk moves away and signs something.  “There’s no need to say you’re sorry.  You were doing what you thought was best.  But from now on, you must listen to those who know better.”

Papyrus sniffles.  Alphys clasps her hands.  You share a look with Undyne, her face pretty much conveys your emotion but it’s hard to place what it is.  Skepticism?  A mutual feeling that all is not as fine and dandy as it seems.  You wish Toriel would look at you, but you guess that’s a bit much to ask.  She’s spent the past day messaging you nonstop.  You can give this to her.

Were you expecting to jump into each other’s arms when you saw her again?  Nah, you weren’t expecting anything.  You were doing whatever your instincts told you to.  That worked out fine.  Everyone’s ok now.

“Have you eaten well?” Toriel asks Frisk.

Frisk shrugs.  “Oh dear... have you eaten today?”  Frisk shakes their head.  Toriel shoots a glare at Asgore.

“I’ll... go get snacks,” he says.  “Undyne, would you mind helping?”

“I’d be _glad_ to!”

“Should I help too?” Papyrus asks.  Without waiting for an answer, he joins them.

“So he offered you tea and nothing to eat,” Toriel sighs.  “Oh Frisk...  I promise you will not have to suffer like this anymore.”

“This is so touching,” Alphys whispers.

“Well I’m glad Frisk apologized.”

“I’m gonna cry.”

“You do that.”

You could ask her how her trip was.  You could ask her anything.  It’s not supposed to be this hard to talk to her.  “Hey Frisky Bits.”  Yeah, it’s easier to talk to the kid.  “What do you say?”

Frisk wriggles around until Toriel releases her hold on them.  They jump up, stand with their hands held firmly at their sides, and wait until everyone’s back in the room bearing platters of crackers, and then sign, _‘Thank you.’_

You translate.  “Ha, for what?” Undyne asks.

Frisk just smiles.  They run over and throw their arms around her legs.  “H-Hey, careful!”  Undyne balances her plate of crackers as some of them slide off onto the floor.  “Listen Frisk!  Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help if you need it!”

“We should give Frisk all of our phone numbers,” says Papyrus.

“And um,” Alphys adds, “maybe a phone.”

“Yes,” Toriel says vaguely.  You’re hungry, so you join everyone for crackers.  Papyrus gives Frisk a sandwich that he says is extra special.  You’re kind of in the mood for an extra special sandwich yourself, but you just had dinner half an hour ago.  Papyrus wouldn’t make you one.  You watch Toriel out of the corner of your eye.  She stands, but she doesn’t go for crackers.  She holds onto her arm.  You turn your head and look out your other eye’s corner.  There’s Asgore.  He’s not even looking at the crackers.

She goes over to him.  You notice that someone else is watching.  Alphys has got both eyes on them, shining through her glasses.  “Don’t look now Alph,” you say emptily.  You’ve got a feeling that what happens next won’t be Toriel throwing herself in her ex’s arms and begging him to take her back, but still, it’d have been nice if she said something to you first.  Again, you keep it in.

You keep your ears peeled and barely hear over the sound of munching and chewing, “I want to talk.  Out of earshot.”

Alphys keeps looking.  Frisk glances over curiously.  “Of course!” says Asgore.  “Out in the hall?”

“Sure.”

This weird ache you’ve got in your chest isn’t jealousy, you tell yourself, it’s exhaustion.  Frisk is safe, sure, but you hoped for a warmer welcome from Toriel.  Especially after she stressed how much she loved you earlier.  After that, you should be fine, shouldn’t you?  You should be happy.  Tori’s just distracted.

Frisk tugs your sleeve.  They point to them.  “Yeah, I see ‘em,” you say.  Frisk urges you with their eyes as they walk toward the hall.  “You wanna listen?  Go ahead.”

They tug once more on your sleeve.  “I see how it is,” you mutter.  “You want my help not getting caught.  Well if ya put it that way...”

You’re just the sneakiest shit there is.  Alphys pats you consolingly on the shoulder.  You take Frisk’s hand and sneak over to the hall.  There’s a giant lamp right in Toriel and Asgore’s line of vision.  “Quick, behind that conveniently-shaped lamp,” you whisper.

Frisk grins.  You sneak over and squat behind it.  Frisk hides between you and the lamp.  You keep your ears peeled.

“I hope that you have not done all this just to redeem yourself,” Toriel says.

“Well I... Tori I—”

“Do not start blubbering.  I know where this is going.  And I think you are mistaken.  There are many things you need to make up for that are far more difficult to fix.  You think your biggest mistake is the one most personal.  But there is so, so much more you should be doing.”

“You’re right, Tori—”

“Oh please, you do not even know what I’m telling you.  I came here to see Frisk, but I also had something very important to say.”  She pauses.  She sighs deeply.  “What happened to Asriel... was not your fault.”

Frisk looks at you quizzically.  You sign, _‘I’ll tell you later.’_  “No,” Asgore says, “you were right, I as good as killed him.”

“Please, plenty of people leave their nine year old children at home and nothing happens.  You did not leave him in a hot car, or anyplace dangerous.  What happened to him was a cruel chance.  And... I’m years late in saying this, but... I’m terribly sorry for the damage I caused.”

“Well... thanks.”

“I don’t think I will ever be able to reverse this.  But you should focus your energy into fixing more important things.  Lower the police quotas.  Use your power to put a stop to all the brutality.  You are focusing too much on what’s unchangeable.”

“Tori,” says Asgore, “I’m going to resign.”

“Oh?”

“I was never cut out for this line of work in the first place!”  In his voice, you can hear a wild smile.

“You’re seriously just going to quit instead of rectifying your mistakes.  Alright...”   _Ouch._  You felt that sting.  “You know what, I do not blame you.  I suppose you are only doing the best you can.”

“I’m a coward.”

“I know.  Though I really did not come here with the intention of making you feel even worse about yourself than you already do.  I was honestly hoping to fix that...”

“I felt much better when Sans told me you were laughing again.”

You swallow to keep your voice in your throat.  “So you’ve met Sans,” says Toriel.

“Yes.  That boy is... very much like his father.  It’s just uncanny, you’d think they shared blood.  He has his dark sense of humor.”

“Ha... haha!”  Toriel laughs, but you don’t like the sound of it.  You find yourself gripping Frisk’s arm.  Frisk holds your hand.   _Thanks Frisk,_ you think.  “You knew nothing, did you?  That man, Mr. Gaster—”

“Doctor,” Asgore mutters.

“Was a child abuser,” Toriel finishes.  “I know Sans’s sense of humor better than anything and I can promise you, he is _nothing_ like the poor excuse of a human being who called himself his _father._  He had you fooled into thinking his legal son was a problem child to cover up the fact that he was only defending himself.  And do not even get me started on what he apparently did to Papyrus.”

“Oh... _god...”_  You peek behind the lamp, just for a split second, to see Asgore’s enormous hand clenched into a fist.  “If only I’d looked into his house—”

“This is not another thing to blame yourself for.  I also sympathized with him when he claimed that his son once tried to murder the whole family.  I just didn’t want to hear you compare Sans to him.”

“I’m— I let this happen.  Those boys—”

“They are not boys, you know.  If you keep thinking about them that way, things are about to become very awkward.  Sans did not tell you a thing, did he?”

“There were... some things?”

“About us.  I assume he didn’t.  Sans and I have been in correspondence for a year now.  So I will wait a bit longer.  But someday, I would like to ask him to marry me.”

What was that?  You think you heard a pin drop.  It sounded like a small explosion.  Frisk nudges you.   _I heard,_ you think, but you don’t say anything.  You heard, you definitely heard.  And from the way Frisk is looking at you, it doesn’t seem you heard wrong.

“Sans?” Asgore exclaims.  “He’s— _young,_ isn’t he?”

“Hee hee... I am not even old enough to be his mother.”  You smile so hard you think you’re gonna pass out.  “Or so he claims.  I will have to hear his answer, though.  I have not asked him yet.  Though it seems unlikely that age will get in the way.  We have too much in common.”

“I definitely had no idea...”

“And now you do.”

“Do you think... we can still be friends?” Asgore asks.

“No,” says Toriel coldly.  “Please, for your own sake... please, I implore you, move on.  You’re rich, you’re polite, find a good single middle-aged woman who will treat you well.”

You can barely hear anything over the sound of your own heartbeat until a heavy pair of boots stomp into the hallway.  “Yeah, there’s plenty of fish in the sea!” Undyne announces.  “You can’t find anyone knew if you haven’t even started looking yet!”

You take a peek around the lamp.  All eyes are focused on Undyne.  When she’s far enough away, you take Frisk’s hand and dive back into the living room.  Alphys smirks at you.  Papyrus notices you standing in the middle of the room.  “Where were you?” he asks.

“Bathroom,” you pant.

He raises an eyebrow.  “Both of you?”

“We took turns.”

He follows Undyne into the hallway.  “The heck’s going on out here?” she asks.

“Yeah, what are you two... uh, talking about?” Alphys says.

“Well, I was telling Toriel so I might as well tell everyone, I’m going to resign!” says Asgore happily.  “As soon as I can!”

“ME TOO!” Alphys shouts.  “Ha, I hate my job!  I knew I should have gone into computer engineering!”

“Wow,” says Undyne.  “Finally!  Everyone’s finally quitting the jobs they hate!  What are you um, gonna do now, though?”

“I don’t know, sit on my butt all day?”  Alphys laughs.  “I’m just gonna stay inside and watch anime like a total loser!”

“That’s the spirit!”  Undyne throws her arm around her.

“That doesn’t make money,” Papyrus mutters.

“Don’t get in the way of her dreams, bro,” you say.  You notice Frisk was still holding onto your hand when they let go to give Alphys a high five.

“You know what, I’ll support you,” Undyne says.  “We can have one sole breadwinner and put Mettaton out on the streets!”

“Do not put Mettaton out on the streets!” Papyrus shouts.  “Let him stay at my house instead!”

Toriel looks suddenly shy.  She’s the odd one out now.  “Um.  Why don’t we go back to the sitting room,” Asgore says.  “I have one last announcement to make.”

You don’t like the way Alphys keeps smirking at you as you all take a seat on the fancy couches.  You wanna laugh in her face, but you’ll save that for later.  Frisk sits themself on Toriel’s lap.  She clasps her hands around their stomach.

“Ahem.”  Asgore clears his throat.  “Frisk’s parents have been found.”  He waits for the reaction, but there’s only silence as they wait for him to continue.  “They’ve been contacted but, Frisk is not going back to them.  However, it’s still good news.  Since Frisk’s legal guardians are around, that saves a lot of investigation and paperwork.”

“Damn,” you say.  “You really did do this fast.  I’m really impressed.”  You give him a friendly smile, but he only returns it with a brief glance.  Your smile falters.  You might as well give up talking to him ever again.  You sensed something like betrayal in that glance.

“If Frisk’s parents have been found,” Papyrus says, “shouldn’t they... go back home?”

“I’m afraid, to put it in short, that place is not exactly a home.”

Toriel tightens her hold around Frisk’s waist.  Alphys looks over at them and, surprisingly, puts her hand tentatively on their arm.  “I’m sorry, Frisk,” she says softly.  “I know, it’s hard...”

“Hey, why doesn’t Frisk just live with us?” Undyne asks.  “It can’t be that hard, can it?  I don’t care, I’ll move to Hotland tomorrow and we’ll raise Frisk!”

“It’s pretty hard,” Alphys sighs.  “I wish, though.  I mean— I’d do it!”

“Alphys is right.  It isn’t easy to adopt a child.  They’ll be placed somewhere to live temporarily but...”  Asgore kneels down in front of Frisk.  Toriel draws back into the couch.  “Frisk,” he says softly, “someday, how would you like to have a home here?”

Frisk’s eyes widen.  Toriel closes her eyes and sighs.  “Hey, that’s not a bad idea!” Undyne says.  “Aww Frisk, that’d be awesome!”

Frisk doesn’t move.  You notice Toriel’s grip loosen.  Frisk nuzzles further into her lap.  “I think we’ve got six people here willing to adopt Frisk,” you say.  “So if it wasn’t a three to four hour trip from Snowdin to here, I’d say it sounds like a grand idea.”

Frisk looks at you imploringly.  “Heh, what, you wanna live with _me?”_

Frisk nods.  “Oh really,” you say.  “Don’t you want big spicy daddy instead?”

“What?” says Toriel.

Frisk smiles guiltily and shrugs.  They sign something you’re not sure you caught, seems they’re spelling it out, something about a harem.  You’re losing patience.  “So you made us go through all that, come all the way here, to be part of your harem,” you say.  “Frisk on some levels I respect that, but on most levels, you need to chill.”

“Oh, Frisk...” Toriel sighs.  “What do you _really_ want?  You must want to belong somewhere.”

Frisk signs, _‘I want to live with you.’_

“Me?  I wish you’d decided that from the very beginning.”

Asgore straightens up.  “Consider,” he says, “once I quit, I’ll have all the time in the world to provide for you.  And you’ll never have to be left alone.”

Frisk twists around and grips Toriel around the neck.  “I would love for you to come back with me,” she says, rubbing their back gently.  “But I just want what’s best for you.  My house has no one else around for miles.  It would be just the two of us for most of the year.  Would you really choose that lonely life?”

“Heyyy, I thought you were moving to Snowdin,” you say.  “Or did you change your mind?”

“Oh yes.”  Toriel still doesn’t look at you, but she brightens.  “I am moving!  That slipped my mind for a second!  Though, I’m not quite sure how soon that will happen.  Frisk, if you did choose to live with me, you would not be going back to that old house in the forest.  But really, it’s as much your choice as the authorities decide.”

“What if we had some sort of joint custody between the six of us?” Papyrus asks.  “Frisk can stay at our house—”

“Where,” you ask.

“My room?”

“You guys can’t raise a kid if you can barely raise yourselves,” says Undyne.  “And hey, Frisk, if you wanna live with me and Alphys...”

“You’d have two parents,” says Asgore.

“Perhaps we should let Frisk rest before we try to make any decisions,” says Toriel.  “Oh sweetie... you are already falling asleep.  This is too much.  Is anyone coming for them?”

“Soon,” Asgore replies.  “Ah, very soon.”  He looks at his phone.  “I actually thought they would be here by now.”

Frisk balls their fists around the fabric of Toriel’s dress.  They pick Alphys’s phone back up and type,

 

_*i dont want to go_

 

“It’ll be alright,” Toriel murmurs.

“There uhh... isn’t there a way for Toriel to adopt Frisk?” you ask.  “I know it’s hard but, it can’t be impossible, can it?”

“Perhaps once I’m settled in Snowdin.  Until then, Frisk...”  She looks into the kid’s eyes and smiles.  “I will take care of you.  I will make sure we have means of communicating.  What you really need is a cell phone.  If only you had one, you might have saved yourself a lot of trouble.  And of course, I will make sure that wherever you end up, you are being treated right.”

“I’ll clobber the heck out of anyone who gives you a hard time!” says Undyne.

“We’ll keep in touch!” says Papyrus.  “If you have anything you need help with, just describe your exact location and predicament and I’ll be over before you can hit send!”

“As your friend, there’s no way I’ll leave you to fend for yourself,” says Alphys.  “And I can put all sorts of features on your phone!  You know there’s an app that can translate sign language?”

“And wherever you decide you want to live,” Asgore adds, “I have connections.  I’m sure I could find a way to make it work.”

Frisk peeks shyly out of Toriel’s neck.  Their eyes shine and their nose is tinted a blotchy red from unshed tears.  “Like I said...”  You catch their eye and wink.  “I’ll be looking in to keep an eye on you.”

Frisk twists back around and signs another heart in the middle of their chest.  Several pairs of hands ruffle their hair.  Frisk finally pulls away from the circle of affection and walks over to Asgore.  They crane their neck to look at him, then throw an arm around one of his legs.  Asgore bends down.  “What is it, Frisk?” he asks.

You don’t see the message they show him, but it makes him smile sadly.  “You’re welcome,” he says, “and none taken.”

Frisk attempts to climb up his leg until he picks them up and gives them a hug.  Toriel looks away uneasily and accidentally catches your eye.  She smiles before she looks away.

You hear a loud _knock knock_ and you know it’s not the friendly joke-telling kind.  Asgore lowers Frisk back to the ground and leaves to answer the door.  Frisk clutches Toriel’s hand.  You swarm Frisk with everyone else for one last goodbye, but you really hope this isn’t the end.

“See you around, kiddo,” you tell them, but you don’t think they heard you over the sound of everyone else’s voices until they lock eyes and share a look of pure understanding.  This isn’t the end.  You’ll see each other again someday.

☠☠☠

The air is chillier and windier.  You watch orange leaves swirl past you on the wind.  It’s finally feeling like autumn again.  Summer lasted a pretty long time.  You breathe in the fresh air.  It flows nicely into your lungs.

“Wow, that was sad,” says Alphys, breaking the mood.

“I hope Frisk is okay,” Undyne sighs.  “I feel like I just watched them get kidnapped.”

“But they aren’t!” Papyrus argues.  “They’re going somewhere safe where they’ll have a bed and good food.”

You walk away from the Dreemurr mansion where old Fluffybuns got left alone again.  You’re sure he has plenty of friends, but still, you wish he had a way to be happier.  Though it seems from this point onward your chances of becoming BFFs are mostly gone.  You’re probably walking away from this house forever.

“So.”  You look up.  Toriel’s walking beside you.  “Sans I’m... finally here.”

“Mm.”

“It is so good to see you.  It’s like... I can finally breathe again.”

“Yknow...”  You let out a half chuckle.  “I was uh, in there the whole time.  You coulda said hi.”

“I’m so sorry, you must have been so confused.  I was waiting until we got outside to talk.  I didn’t want to burst out crying in front of Frisk.”

“So that was it...?”  Ahead of you, Undyne, Papyrus, and Alphys are lost in deep discussion where you hear Frisk’s name repeated over and over.  “I was expecting someone other than Frisk to cry.”

Toriel takes your arm and pulls you toward her.  You nearly lose your balance before she takes hold of you and squeezes you tightly.  “We’ll have all the time in the world now, won’t we?” she says.

“Yeah...”  You hug her back.  “Yeah...”  You want to ask her if she meant what you overheard.  You had Frisk as a witness, but they’re somewhere else now.  You feel a lump rising in your throat.  “Shit, I’m probably gonna start crying.”

Over your shoulder, you see Alphys staring.  You struggle to release a hand to flip her off.  This is friendship.  You missed this.

Papyrus and Undyne stop to wait for you.  You step away from Toriel and say, “Let’s uhh, save that for when everyone’s home.”

“If you wish.”

“Are you coming back to Hotland with us?” Papyrus asks.

“I’m not sure,” Toriel replies.  I do not want to trouble anyone...”

“I’d love to have you b-but...” Alphys stammers, “th-there’s really... no more room in my house.”

“Oh that’s alright, I was not planning on spending the night.”

Undyne doesn’t say anything.  She turns and keeps walking.  “Hey,” you say, “can we uh, meet you at the train station in a few minutes?  Won’t take too long.”

“Sure, why not!” says Alphys.  “Heh... see you two in a bit!”

The heck does she ship at this point?  It’s hard to see if she’s jumped ship yet.  You don’t think so.  You watch them walk away and turn onto another street with Toriel.  “Can I ask,” Toriel mutters, “what _she_ is doing with you?”

“She?  You mean Undie— Undyne?”

“No, that strange woman who works for Asgore.  I don’t trust her.  How does she know Frisk?”

“Look...”  Your mouth twitches.  “Alphys may be a bit of a suspicious character, but she’s the best friend I ever had.  So, despite whatever you heard, she’s staying.”

“No need to sound so hostile.”

“She’s just... important.  To me.  Yeah.  I’ll tell you the whole story someday.”

“Ohh, this is a long one?”

“I think it’s eight years long,” you say.  “With a several year break in the middle.  We’ve got a lot to catch up on.”

“We really do...”  Toriel breathes in the air, smelling the deadening leaves.  “I don’t want to stay here too long.”

“I don’t either.  God, I’m exhausted...”

“How is your leg?” Toriel asks.

“Eh, not so bad...”

This isn’t anything like how it was before.  It’s so... awkward.  “I’d offer to let you come back with us, but my ride’s not planning on leaving till tomorrow.”

“It’s alright, Sans.  I wouldn’t want to burden you.  I freaked out before.  But I’m feeling... saner.  I can go home now.  You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I... don’t know how to _not_ be worried about you.”

You reach for her hand.  When she takes it, you’re pretty sure it’s bigger than Asgore’s.  “How about we go back tonight,” you say.  “Back to Snowdin.  To, heh, the Snowed Inn.  In Snowdin.”

“What?  Oh, the inn.  But are you sure,” she asks, “you want to leave tonight?  You looked like you were having a good time with your friends.”

“We had a plenty good time already.  And we can hang out any time, if... now that...”  You trail off.  “Frankly, I’m all tired out from all the fun we’ve been having.  I’ll take an uber back to Snowdin with you or something.  I mean, you said your ride was hell.”

“I’m sorry for making you worry.”

“You’re paying for it, though.”

“Paying for what?”

“The car.”

Toriel cocks an eyebrow.  “So you’ve decided for me?”

“Yep.  We’re going back tonight.  I’ll have to break it to Alphys though, ha, she won’t be too happy.  I kinda bailed on her too many times.”

“Then stay with—”

“Nah, it’ll be fine, if there’s consequences to suffer trust me I’m more than willing to take what’s coming.”

Toriel is concerned.  Still though, you meet the others back at the Core station and tell them you’ll be going home tonight.  You’ll need to go back to Hotland to get your stuff, though.  “Just uhh...”  How can you break this.  “We’re both really tired and, I want Toriel to have company.  Sorry guys...”

You address your apology to Alphys.  You wait for her disappointment.  To your surprise, her eyes narrow and she smiles in a weirdly self-satisfying way.  “You’re going home with Toriel, huh,” she chortles.  You didn’t know people actually chortled.  She snorts obnoxiously.  “Hee...”

She takes out her phone and types.  Your own phone buzzes.

 

_*go get her._

 

Welp, thank god that went well.  Toriel eyes her suspiciously and sits as far from her as she can on the train.  Papyrus bombards her with questions.  He’s still concerned.  Toriel tells him again that she’s okay.  He’s excited she’s moving to Snowdin.  He’s already planning her move.  He decides he’s going to help unpack her stuff and get her settled.  Toriel is flattered.  She feeds Papyrus’s ego by telling him how much she appreciates it.

The sky’s pretty dark.  After all the excitement, the mood on the train’s somewhat dimmed.  Undyne’s not looking at Toriel or acknowledging she’s there at all, and you know why.  So much for facing things head on.  Maybe she just doesn’t think a fight with Toriel’s worth it.  Still, you catch something in her expression no one else’s noticed.  Something dark.  Welp, maybe you’d address it, but Undies just isn’t your main concern right now.

Toriel puts on a cheerful act.  Tells Papyrus that even though the plants outside are withering, the animals are doing well.  She asks what he’s been doing, and he’s glad to tell her in elaborate detail.  You listen fondly as they talk to each other across either side of you.

Once you get back to Alphys’s place, it feels like a lot longer than a couple hours since you last left.  You’re returning victorious with your damsel in distress rescued.  Or, that’s kinda what it feels like.  You’re Tori’s knight in shining armor.  You think about it and start cracking up.

“Ohh, what’s the joke?” Toriel asks.

“Uhh...”

“So, Mrs— I mean um, T-Toriel!”  Alphys freezes in front of her door and does a nervous dance on the spot.  “This is my— my house so, you were um... r-really nice when you... when you l-l-let me stay when— at your...”  She swallows hard and looks to Undyne for help.

“What,” she says.  “Uh...”  She forces a grin onto her face and says, “Thanks for letting Alphys stay at your house!  Come on inside!”

“It was my pleasure,” says Toriel politely.  The tension is electric.  You feel your hair standing on end.

You meet an unexpected visitor when you go inside.  Mettaton’s lying draped over the couch chewing on one of the roses he got for Alphys.  “I was wondering where you were,” he drawls.  “And everyone’s here, too?  Lovely.  Beautiful.  Splendiferous.  Say...”  He straightens up when you enter the living room and brushes hair bangs in front of his eye.  “Hmm.”  He stands up.  “Who’s this lovely lady?”

Toriel blushes.  “I am Toriel,” she says.  “And you are... Oh!  It’s you!”

“I get that a lot.”

“You made that video!  It is thanks to you that I was able to see Frisk again!  If you wouldn’t mind, may I hug you?”

Mettaton blinks.  He doesn’t have much more time to react before Toriel throws her arms around him.  He freezes up like he doesn’t seem to know what to do.  Looks like the guy isn’t used to hugs.  “No fair...” Papyrus whispers.

Toriel pulls away quickly.  “Forgive me, I am just extremely grateful.”

“You’re... welcome...?”

“I could just kiss you— but I will not.”

“Hey,” you say.

“Oh don’t worry, I would have plenty left over!  It’s very nice to meet you, young man, thank you for looking after Frisk.”

“Yeah, thanks for NOTHING!” Undyne spits.  “If your useless butt just picked up the phone and called 911 on this suspicious-ass looking kid, we’d have had a lot less to worry about!”

“Now now, dear—” Toriel mutters.

“Don’t _now-now_ me!  I’m not your _dear!”_

“Now now, Undyne,” says Papyrus.

You leave Undyne growing redder and redder in the face while MTT still seems too shocked from the hug to decide if he should be here or not.  You gotta get your stuff.  You throw all your things into your duffel bag and call a car service.  You’ll have to wait a bit for your ride, but once you get back to the living room, Toriel seems to be doing alright enough to wait it out.  She’s chatting with Mettaton about his videos.  He looks like he’s recovered from his shock and forgotten all about it as he rambles on about what he does.  Undyne ambles over to you with her shoulders hunched over.

“At least he’s passionate,” she mutters.  “I don’t like him, but I respect his lifestyle.”

“Wish I had something I was that passionate about.”

“Uh!”  Undyne gestures to the giant woman sitting on your couch.  “Is my eye mistaken or was all you did this weekend not fueled by _powerful, raging, undying passion.”_

“I wouldn’t call it undying—”

She smiles.  “Yknow...”  Her voice drops, and she’s quiet enough that the others on the couch won’t hear her over Mettaton’s loud raving.  “Maybe... that was why I didn’t like you at first.  I don’t really... know how to get along with people who don’t feel deeply about stuff.  That’s why I love Alphys.  She’s always got something driving her.”

“I didn’t know you didn’t like me,” you say.

“I didn’t _dislike_ you, I just never thought a year ago we’d ever be friends.  But... hey, I’m glad I know you a little better.”

“Eyy, me too.”  You don’t know where this is coming from, but it’s nice all the same.  “You don’t get people like me and I don’t get people like you.  But... heh, there’s always one thing we’ll have in common.”

“Two things,” Undyne corrects you.  You chuckle and smile at your two mutual favorite people.  They’re both here, it’s a miracle you’re all together.  You smile at them and you turn to smile at Undies.

“You’re a gross sap,” she says and returns to the couch.

You tell Toriel it’ll be time to leave soon.  She seems disheartened.  You can only imagine how she feels.  A month of not talking to anyone, and finally, she was comfortable in a crowd again.  With friends.  Still, she says, “Thank goodness, I can’t wait to get a proper rest.”

“You aren’t staying?” Mettaton asks.

“No dear, only until my driver arrives.”

“Are you _all_ going home, beautifuls?”  For some reason, he looks at Papyrus.  You’re not sure Pap notices.

“Nah, just us two,” you say, and with your eyes you try to get the message: _tell my brother you think he’s cute._

Toriel keeps up a chat for a few more minutes until headlights shine outside the window.  “So that is it, then...” she says.  She stands.  “Thank you, Alphys, for your hospitality.  It was very nice seeing all of you.  I hope we can all meet again.”

“Good luck, fabulous!” says Mettaton, and takes off.  You think he’s going to his room, but no, he disappears into the bathroom.

“I’ll see you later, Alph,” you say, raising your hand and letting your sleeve fall to reveal your rubber bands.  “I love you.”

“Um, Sans?” says Toriel, drawing her eyebrows together.  “May I ask?”

“Alph’s my replacement sibling.  That—” you add, pointing to Undies, “—is Pap’s replacement sibling.  They’re getting married.”

“What do you mean, replacement—” Papyrus begins, and you cut him off.

“Anyway, let’s not keep our driver waiting too long.  See you guys on the other side.”

Alphys glances at Tori and waggles her eyebrows at you.  She starts typing on her phone.  “Cmon,” you tell Tori.  Before she sends that text.

“Goodbye!” she says, and follows you out into the chilly night air.

Your phone buzzes.

 

_*make sure to use protection ;)  
*prevent more tragedies~_

 

Once you’re settled in the car you’ll send her back a picture of your middle finger.  “May I take your bag for you?” Tori asks.

“Knock yourself out.”  You hand her your bag.  She takes it in her right hand and switches it to her left.  With her free right hand, she latches blindly onto your fingers.  You settle your hand more comfortably in hers.

She stares ahead at the waiting Uber.  “Shall we?” she says.

“Yeah,” you sigh.  “Let’s go home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SAD. ass gore deserves better but what can ya do.  
> i don't really have as much to say as usual. i just. if theres anything i want people to take from this chapter its the anime moment between undyne and sans. my guilty crack brotp. fishbones 2.0. i did the thing. i made the scalybones family cuddle in a pillow fort. irl i hate cuddles. what the hell. this dont make sense. why am i like this.
> 
> indulge me by writing a comment bc this has been the second longest chapter next to the alphys backstory


	33. Respite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans and Toriel don't have sex ya darn sickos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear mom this chapter has a fuckton of conversation in it. Dear everyone else, I had a talk with a few buddies asking if this chapter should have an M rating because Sans and Toriel do talk about sex. But since no actual sexual activity happens and nothing's described in graphic detail, I'm keeping it T. Idk why I felt the dire need to warn people??  
> I'm ashamed to say this but very much of this chapter was influenced by commenters asking if sans and toriel were gonna bang and i realized oh shit sans said he was gonna take toriel to a hotel no fucking wonder itd look like that. I'm just like this and I'm a lil ashamed.

Toriel closes her eyes for a long time.  You don’t wanna break the silence first.  You wonder if she’s asleep until she heaves a deep sigh and says, “Thank you for coming with me.”

“It’s cool.”

“Returning all the way back to the Ruins on my own would not have been easy.”

“That’s why I thought you should stay in Snowdin...  It’s closer.”

“Indeed.”

“How much closer, though?  I don’t even know where your place is.”

“Once we are home... I’ll draw you a map.  It isn’t the easiest of places to find.”

She’s so tired.  You don’t think this trip’s gonna have much catching up.  It’d be better to let her sleep than pile on the questions.  She opens her eyes and frowns, fiddling with the air vent.  “You want my jacket?” you ask.

“Um, that’s very kind, but to put it bluntly I am very big and you are very small.”

You struggle out of your jacket and tug the zipper down.  You wave it in front of Toriel’s face.  “Magic.”

“Thank you, but that’s alright,” Toriel says.  She leans over toward the front seat and says, “Excuse me Mr. Driver, could you please turn down the air conditioning?”

Mr. Driver grunts and complies.  The air stops blasting over your head.  You grin at Toriel.  “So I guess you don’t wanna _chill,_ huh?  Heheh...”

“Oh dear...  Sans, I would love to, but I cannot think of what to say.  I did not have a very exciting few weeks, I cannot think of much I have not told you yet.”

“So... there’s plenty else to talk about.”

“Sans... when will you learn that I am incredibly dull?  I cannot start a conversation for the life of me.  I hope you did not come along to be entertained.  Perhaps eventually I will be feeling up to it again....  Once I’m...”

You don’t make her finish her sentence.  No one makes any sound.  After a weekend of action, you’re not used to the stillness.  You reach for her hand.  You don’t need to be entertained.  That’s not what you’re here for.  Even with all these nerves you’re not used to dealing with, you can relax for a bit...

“Would you mind if I stayed in Snowdin for a few days to get my bearings straight?”

“It’s uhh, not my town.”

“Are you quite sure about that?  All your friends seem to think it is.”

“Eh, my friends are all pretty stupid...  I’d uh, like it.  We gotta lot to...”  You fish in your jacket pocket and extract a bag of ketchup you stole from Grillby’s.  “—Ketchup on.”  Toriel’s eyes stare emptily at the headrest in front of her.  “Uhh, Tori... _ketchup_ on.”

Toriel blinks dazedly.  You tap her face with the bag of ketchup.  Her eyes scrunch up and she finally looks.  “Oh.  Oh my.  Do you keep that in your pocket for the pun?”

“I keep lots of puns in my pocket.  But nah I just really fucking love ketchup.”

Toriel smiles slightly.  “You are so odd...”

“Thanks.”

“Well I suppose my question was rather foolish...  I hope soon I will... as I said, get my bearings straight.  I just... need time to digest all these new feelings.  In order to help Frisk... I will have to help myself first.”

“Yeah that’s probably a good idea,” you say.  “I mean uh, yeah.  You’re right.  Papyrus taught me that a while ago.  That my health comes first.  When you obsessively put other people ahead of yourself that can uh, kinda mess you up.”

“Well, aside from that, in order to even be allowed to adopt a child I have to be relatively stable.”

“Yeah that too.”

“It will take a while.  To find a home.  To seek counselling.  And of course, begin teaching.”

“That kinda thinking’s too big.  Start with a really long nap.”

“Good thinking!  How are the beds at the Snowed Inn?”

“Dunno, I never stayed.  The innkeeper’s cool though.  Heh...”  You chuckle.  “Wonder what she’s gonna think when she sees us walking into a room together...”

“What?”  Toriel finally looks directly at you.  “I thought you were going home.”

“Yep, that’s where we’re headed.”

“Oh... I did not know you were coming with me er, all the way.  If the innkeeper is indeed related to your friend Drunk Bunny...”

“Hey she’s actually sober now.  A lot’s changed lately.  Once your nap is over I’ll take you around.  I promise you it’ll be fun.”

“Oh I do not doubt it.  You do manage to make everything a surprise.  I’m just, not entirely sure.”

“Of what?” you ask.  You squeeze her hand.  “Cmon Tori, this is just a downer mood.  Give it a week and you’ll be a bright ray of sunshine again.  Do you even know how many people like you?”  You give her a smile.  “Papyrus, Frisk, all the Libarby regulars _and_ the Grillby’s regulars.  You’re pretty popular already.  Literally I can only think of one person who doesn’t like you but uh, you know Undyne she’s... not the easiest to get on your good side.”

“Erm, what are you talking about?” Toriel asks.  “I appreciate your support but my future life is not what I was expressing concern about.”

“Eh whatever.  Never a bad time for emotional support.”

“You are really coming to the hotel with me?” Toriel asks.  “That goes beyond emotional support.  Are you sure about this?”

“Welp...”  You shrug.  “I’m kinda tired but I’m not _that_ tired.  It’s been a while so I’m uh, in no rush to get rid of you.”

“I know it has been a long time since we’ve last seen each other and I am happy to see you too, but don’t you think this is taking things a bit fast?” Toriel asks.  Her serious expression makes you shrink in your seat.  “We need to talk for a bit longer until we are ready.  This is a huge step, you realize.  And I want to hear about all your limits and boundaries before we move forward.  This is too early.”

“What.”  Even without your jacket, you feel sweat forming on your forehead.  “Yo, if you’re talkin’ about the frickity frackle I was uh, just gonna walk you to your room.”

“Well then.”   _Yeah this is kind of embarrassing._  “Someday I would still like to have a discussion about boundaries.  A serious discussion, I hope—”

“Tori I don’t know why you think you’re ever gonna get me to have a serious and mature discussion about sex.”

Toriel winces and glances at the driver in front of her.  He side-eyes you in the rearview mirror.  “I can only imagine the unused filthy puns you must have in store...” she murmurs as though she can protect your poor driver’s ears by lowering her voice.  “Honestly I would not have it any other way.”

“I bet you’ve got hundreds more,” you say, patting her arm.  “Oh man, this is gonna be a fun talk.”

“Oh dear...”  You can’t see with the lights off, but from what little of Toriel’s face you can see, you’re pretty sure she’s blushing.  “I should have known better but I really did assume you were talking about spending the night...  All the others probably think that too.”

“Eh...”  Shit she’s right.  You know that’s what Alph thought, but that’s just what type of person she is.  Papyrus mighta given you the benefit of the doubt, but that’s just the type of person _he_ is.  Welp at least MTT’s probably no longer under the impression you’re gay for your brother if he thought you were leaving Hotland to consummate your relationship with the fabulous new lady he just met.  “Personally I don’t give two shits what other people think...”

“That is mightily good for you, but well, word spreads fast in Snowdin, does it not?  I am just starting out, if rumors spread about me and you, that would... not be fun.  You’re...  You’re too popular, we would be the talk of the town, wouldn’t we?”

“You’re fine.  Everyone in town thinks they’re married to me.”  You wink.  “If you’re that worried I uh, don’t gotta come in with you.”

“No... everyone will know eventually.  It’s just strange and new, I’m...”  She smiles.  “I am just so used to having you all to myself.  I cannot imagine sharing our relationship with anyone.”

“I’m fine with that,” you say.  You stretch your seatbelt and slide closer to her.  “Keep me all to yourself Tori, kidnap me and take me to the Ruins.  I won’t have to work and shit, you just feed me and we’ll be good.”

You waggle your eyebrows.  Toriel laughs a little awkwardly and pats your head.  “That sounds lovely, actually, perhaps next summer.  It’d be great if you could come back with me, kidnapping or not.  Though if you really do want me to kidnap you, then a discussion about consent and boundaries is doubly in order.”

“Eh, I trust you.  Just carry me away like a princess.  Straight to your horde of pies and flowers.”

“If that is what you prefer...?  In all honesty though, it would be fun!  You have shown me all of your favorite places in your hometown, I would love to lead you around the Ruins!  There’s much to see, the grounds stretch for _acres._ ”

“I wanna see all the bugs.”

“You will _never_ see all the bugs,” Toriel says seriously.  “There is one particular insect I have been tracking down for years, it is really—”

 _“Bugging_ you?”

“Most certainly.  You should bring Papyrus along.  There is plenty of room for guests, and a beautiful lake for swimming, more than enough to keep him entertained, I’d think.  And perhaps I can teach him a thing or two about cooking.”

“Eh, believe it or not, he’s gotten better since he started lessons with Undyne.  Pretty soon he might make something edible.”

“I would love if you two visited the Ruins,” Toriel says again.  “And maybe someday we could bring Frisk again.”

She looks away.  You feel her get sad again.  Her eyes turn to stare out the window.  “It’s...” you begin, and stop.

“I’ll be alright.”

You fall to staring out the window.  You’ll talk more once everyone’s better rested.  You can’t count on yourself to heal all her wounds.  You can be there for her because she was always there for you.  You can stay by her side until she’s feeling better and you’ll be laughing and hanging out again.  You can’t force it.  You won’t.  You’ll give it time.

You can only imagine how hard it was for her.  To wait it out while she knew you wanted to die.  To stick with you through all her worry.  You feel it for a second, a brief flash of her fear and isolation.  No wonder she needed a break.  Maybe you’re not that great for each other.  Maybe there’s more to love than stupid jokes and a shared understanding.  You tried relationships based on misery before, you tried that with Alphys, and you fucked that up so bad it’s a miracle she even talked to you again.

You don’t get it.  She’s right here, Toriel’s _back,_ you’ve worked so hard for this, but it feels so...  You don’t know.  You can’t place it.  You’re so exhausted.  You put off feeling things the past couple weeks, after you tried to patch things up with Alphys.  You could pat yourself on the back all you wanted for that, but how would you be doing now if it was all just for nothing?  You might not have ever seen Toriel again, Alphys might have been dead, and, as trivial as it is, Undies never would’ve so much as looked at you again.

Nah, it’s not trivial.  Your phone buzzes.  You turn the screen on.  Papyrus sent you a picture.  You open it up and see yourself lying in a pile of pillows and blankets and wrapped up tight in Undyne’s powerfully toned arms.

 

_*DONT WORRY I GOT PICTURES_

 

That’s hilarious.  No wonder he looked so smug.  No matter what, Papyrus woulda never changed, no matter what happened.  But, as weird as it is, the thought that your precious anime moment with Undyne never would have happened if things didn’t magically go right is... _painful._  For no reason in particular you open up her messages and scroll up.  Nah, it wasn’t magic, you did it on your own.  You swallowed your pride, stopped being an asshole, and made things right.  And it went so well she willingly hugged you.

Why is it that of all things, _this_ is what’s making you tear up?  The hell is wrong with you?  You know it’s okay now.  There’s plenty of opportunity for more accidental anime moments in the future.  Yeah, this wasn’t chance, this was you doing something right.  Several consecutive things right.  What the hell, why can’t you stop, this isn’t good.

The tears fall onto your phone and blur up Undyne’s motivational speech.  Incredible that you’ve never believed in yourself more than when Undies said she believed in you.  You cover your mouth to stop the hiccups.  You shouldn’t be the one crying.

“Sans...?” Toriel murmurs.  She reaches over.  You laugh through the tears.  “What is it?”

“Nothing... uhh, random emotional overload... happens sometimes...”

“Would you... like a hug?”

“Yep.”

Just all the stress you’ve been putting off finally crashing down on you.  At least it’s got Toriel acting like herself, rubbing your back and thumbing the tears off your face.  Dammit, _you_ were supposed to be doing that.  Whatever, it’s all good...  “I’m... glad you’re back,” you manage.

Your driver’s eyes bore into your reflection in the rearview mirror.  “Get it over with and make out already,” he grunts.

“Oh, hush!” Toriel shouts.  “Oh heavens, Sans, is there anything I can do to make up for everything?”

“Yeah, get better.”  You move away and rub your eyes.  “It’s been... a really wild month.  Probably moved around more than I ever have.  I’m finally ready for a break.”

“Well, you deserve one.  In the meantime, I will have to work on ending my break.”

“Good thinking...”  You lean into her arm.  The driver grumbles.  Just for that, you’re not gonna give him anything to entertain himself with.  Or maybe you should.  Give him a special show.  But Toriel yawns, and instead, you close your eyes.  You doze off on her, waking every few minutes to a sharp turn, and feel Toriel limply dozing beside you.  In an hour or two, you feel yourself approaching home.  It’s weird that you can feel it before you even recognize where you are.  The feeling of home approaching wakes you up.  You give Toriel’s shoulder a little shake.

“Mmmh, are we... back already?”

“Yep.  New home.”

“What?”  Toriel’s eyes snap themselves awake.  “What are we doing back—”

“No, ha, _your_ new home.”  You knew that’d freak her out.  Toriel recovers herself and gazes out the window.  “Snowdin: soon to be New-New Home.”

The sky’s completely dark, it feels... late.  But nah, it’s not even Papyrus’s bedtime yet.  Still, you can’t wait to sleep forever.  Toriel digs through her purse and pays the driver.  She thanks him politely.  The driver tells you two to have fun.

“What a prick,” Toriel whispers as he drives away.  “Well, here we are!  My, I forgot how lovely this town is.”

Her gaze roves around the streetlamps and dimly lit windows of Snowdin, then lands on the friendly Snowed Inn.  “It really does feel like home.”

She carries your bag and her suitcase into the inn.  You’ve got your hands full with your cane and Toriel’s pillow.  It was the least you could do to help.  Bunny’s sister greets you both with a warm and fuzzy Snowdin smile.  “Welcome to Snowed Inn!  Snowdin’s premier hotel!”

While Tori pays for her room key, you sidle up to the counter.  “Hey, medium bunny.  How’s the family.”

“Hiya Sans!  The family’s doing fine, thank you!  How’s yours?”

“Eheh.  Gettin’ bigger by the day.  You met my friend Toriel?”

“My sister’s mentioned you!” says medium Bunny, extending her hand.  “Saw you nearly every day in her bakery.  Lovely to have you in town.”

“Thank you.”  Toriel shakes her hand.  “I’ve met your younger sister, too, you know.  Interesting character...”

“Ohh, Bunny’s sure interesting all right.  Don’t worry, we’re not all like her.”  The innkeeper laughs.  “Sansy’s keepin’ an eye out for her, aren’t ya Sansy?”

“I take no responsibility.  ‘Scuse me, medium Buns, I’ve gotta help Tori with her stuff.”

The innkeeper glances at Tori’s pillow and laughs.  “Wish I had me a man so eager to help out.  Well, I got my son, but it’s past his bedtime.”

“Give the kid a pat on the head for me,” you say, slinging Tori’s pillow over your shoulder.  “See you in a few.”

“Thank you,” Toriel says.

“Enjoy your stay!”

Toriel drags her suitcase into Snowed Inn’s creaky elevator.  The thing could use a new paint job.  You follow her in.  “She’s nice,” Toriel says.

“Most of Snowdin is.  Grillbz just gets the weirdos.  But that’s why I like ‘em.”

“I am glad she didn’t ask any intrusive questions.  What is her name, again?”

“Medium Bunny.  Shopkeeper’s Big Bunny.  There are others but they’ve left town, so they’re dead to us.”

“I see.”

The elevator doors slide open.  You follow Tori with her pillow to her room.  It’s nothing special, a queen-sized bed, a couple drawers, mini fridge, and a TV.  This must be one of Snowed Inn’s fancier rooms.  You toss Toriel’s pillow onto her bed and toss yourself right on top of it.  Toriel gasps as you bounce.  Wow, these beds sure are bouncy.  You bounce yourself into a seductive position and gaze at Toriel above your arm.

“Alright babe, it’s time.  Let’s make sweet, sweet love.”

“Aww...”  Tori smiles and tiptoes to the bed.  “You sweet little thing, would you like me to tuck you in?”

You cock an eyebrow.  You rumble in your deepest, sexiest voice, “Goo goo.  Gaga.”  Toriel snorts.  “You rock my world, momma.”

“Oh no, not you too.  Frisk has been a poor influence on you.  Well then...”  She leans down and gives your forehead the softest of kisses.  “Sleep well, small child.  And...  Wait a moment.”  She unzips her suitcase and tosses out pieces of clothing.  Seems stuff was haphazardly tossed in before she left.  She finally digs out a stuffed goat and tucks it under your arm.  “Here you go.”

You pick up the goat and sit up.  “Heh, what’s this?”

“It was supposed to be a gift for Frisk but... I forgot about it.  I suppose I could always send it later, but I do hope I get to give it to them in person.”  She pets the goat’s soft head.  “Frisk was rather taken to her when they stayed at the Ruins.  They said she reminded them of me.  This little friend was my favorite toy when I was their age.”  She laughs softly.  “Her name was Toriel and I made her all sorts of little dresses to look like me.  She had all my weird pretentious mannerisms and of course, she always played the mother...”

You look closely at the goat’s face.  She kind of does look like Toriel.  She has a kind, shy smile stitched to her face.  She’s a chubby little thing with nubby horns.  In a clumsily sewn purple dress, she’d be indecipherable from her owner.  “That’s... wow, that’s adorable.”

“I _was_ adorable.  Can you believe I was a child once?  At least in body, everyone always told me I was born an old soul.”

“I believe it.  Imagine if we were friends.  Think you woulda fallen in love with a literal fucking baby?”

“I’m sure you were a beautiful baby.”  She pets the goat’s head fondly.  “I can only imagine the sort of games you used to play.  I doubt it was house.”

“Me ‘n Papyrus didn’t play _games._  We lived _adventures._  I didn’t have a favorite toy, though.  Welp, there’s Temmie, think she’s the only one left.  Maybe Temmie and Toriel should get together for a playdate.”

“I think Toriel would love that.”  After one last pet, she stands up and rummages more through her suitcase.  “I could go for a hot bath if I were not so tired...  Tomorrow, I suppose.  I’ve been in these clothes all day, I hope you wouldn’t mind if I—”

“Slipped into something more _comfortable?”_  You raise your eyebrows and smirk.  “Yeah go ahead.”

“Oh, you.”  She picks up something silky and lavender and heads for the bathroom.  While she’s in there you roll off her bed and find your own pajamas in your bag.  Convenient that you have them right here.  It takes you a few seconds to slip them on before Toriel opens the door and you return to your seductive position.  She smiles, rolls her eyes, and turns to wash her face.  “Are you planning on going home in those?” she asks.

“Yep.”

“I suppose this is usual for you.”

“No one’ll bat an eye.”

“My hair is just _awful...”_

“Shut up you look beautiful.”

 _“You_ shut up, young man.”  Toriel fiddles with her hair in front of the mirror until she gives up.  She strides back to the bed clad in a silky lavender nightgown and a thin robe.  She sits down.  She looks off at the wall, not seeing what’s in front of her.  You tap her on the arm.  “Cmon, Tori.  It’s unwinding time.”  You shift aside and open your arms.  Toriel crawls up beside you.  You grab the TV remote from the bedside table, crawl into Toriel’s lap, and switch on the TV.  There’s nothing on.  You flip through channels for a while.  Tori squeezes you tighter.  You turn your head.  There are tears rolling down her face, but she’s smiling.

She lies back.  You lean against her and take her hand.  She hiccups.  You turn, she’s still smiling, but steadily crying.  “Emotional overload,” she whispers.

“‘M guessing it’s not from reality TV.”

She shakes her head wordlessly.  “I dunno... I wouldn’t be surprised if you were bored to tears.”  She shakes her head again.  It’s your turn to thumb away her tears now.  You cup her face.  She turns and kisses your palm.

“Your hand is so small...”  She covers it with hers.  No, your hand isn’t small, you don’t think.

“You know what else is small?”

“Oh do not...”

You snort.  You can’t help it, you just can’t do corny moments.  “I... I dunno, okay?”  She blinks.  You kiss a tear off her face.  Her skin’s warm, soft, and wet.

“You know what,” Toriel sighs, “I don’t much like television anyway.”  She reaches for your remote hand.  You switch off the TV together. “What is it you like to do to unwind?”

You toss the remote aside and swivel around, straddling her lap.  “Bein’ with you always helps.”  She smiles.  You can’t get enough of that smile.  You kiss the corner of her mouth, pull away, gauge her reaction, check that it’s good.  She notices.

“What exactly are you looking for?”

“There’s this one spot on your face...”  You give her cheekbone a quick kiss.  “Nevermind, I got it.”

“Pffff...”

“What was that noise?  Was that a fart?  Cause you just _blew me away.”_

Toriel shuts her eyes and shakes her head, still smiling.  “Ooh la la.”

You lean forward again, but Tori meets you halfway, pressing her lips right to your mouth.  She raises her eyebrows.  You take that as an invitation to kiss her again.  So you do it again, kiss her long and deep, brush her hair out of the way so you can bury your head into the nape of her neck.  You pucker your lips and blow a raspberry into her skin.  That gets the reaction you wanted, Toriel laughs, she jerks her head to the side, involuntarily trying to push you off.

“S-Sans, stop that!”

You half blow and half snort into her neck.  Who knew Toriel was ticklish?  You lightly nip at her neck.  Press kisses from her collarbone up to her chin.  Toriel wheezes, twisting and—

She takes hold of you, turns over, and you find yourself lying on your side with your head on the pillow and half your face underneath Toriel’s hand.  You realize you’re short of breath.  “How about a break,” Toriel whispers.

“Nah,” you pant.  “Human body’s at least sixty five percent water and I’m thirsty.”

“Shush.”  You chuckle into a stupid silence.  Toriel watches you intently, stroking your cheek, looking into your eyes for... you’re not sure what.  Her smile falters.  “Sans... what is it that you want?”

“Huh?”

“Right now.”

You have a feeling you know what she’s asking, but you’re not entirely sure.  “Uhh... I can’t say I’m wanting for too much right now.  What about you?  I’ve... never done this before.”  Yeah, not even when you were drunk, as far as you know, have you been like this.  You know you’ve never been so starved for another person’s touch before, needing her kiss, oxygen be damned.  And you know where it’s supposed to go here.

“So that nurse that you fell in love with at the age of five, you never got this far?”

“Don’t kinkshame me, Tori.”  Her eyes crinkle at the corners as she giggles.  “I just... want you.”  Your face heats up.  That sounded about as sappy and unlike you as anything you could have expected to come out of your mouth.

Toriel kisses you again.  She draws back fairly quickly, looks deep into your eyes and whispers, “It is up to you.  Whatever you want, my love.”

“But— I don’t— heh, I’m uhh—”  She looks concerned.  “If it’s what you want, then—”

“I only want what will make you the happiest.  I’m very serious, do not think for a second I ever want more than what you are one hundred percent willing to give.”

Her tone is so serious it makes you snort again.  “Geez Tori, you make it sound sound like sex is gonna suck the life out of me.”

Toriel purses her lips.  “Well...”

You aren’t entirely sure what the answer is.  It’s closeness that you want, you want to be close to her, but you are.  And the second you notice that you’re not sure, you realize that the answer’s gotta be no.  “I think I’m ‘s happy as I can get,” you say.  “Just...”  You put your hand on top of the one thumbing your face.  “Just like this.”

Toriel smiles.  “Just this it is, then.”

Just this.  You shuffle over as close as you can get.  Till you’re pressed all the way up against her.  She pulls you in.  Anything goes, clearly, so you shamelessly burrow into her.  In her soft warm body where you’ll be safe from everything.  

You just lie there for a while, your arm thrown across her chest, inside your warm little nest.  Enjoying the sound of the silence.  You rest your head on top of her chest, matching your breathing to the rhythm of its rises and falls.  Her hand begins to caress the back of your neck.  You feel something like a purr rise in your throat.

“What the fuck,” Toriel giggles.  “You’re too cute...”

“I know, I’m like a damn cat.  Go on, stroke this puss—”  Toriel jams your face into the fabric of her nightgown.  You giggle some more into it, then turn your head for air.  Toriel pauses, then continues lightly stroking your head.  Maybe she meant it as a joke, to get more laughs, to elicit those weird purring noises.  But it’s genuinely nice.  You close your eyes.

Your senses start to dull.  You’re glad you said no, you were too tired for much more activity.  You hit your limit hours ago.  Had no naps.  So you let yourself melt and enjoy this until you can barely feel it anymore.

And suddenly, you’re being shaken awake.  You blink back to life and mutter, “Wassup...”

“You fell asleep,” Toriel whispers.  “You were going to go home, were you not?”

“You want me to?” you murmur.

“I don’t mind.”

“Welp then I ain’t moving.  Could you just uhh... let Papyrus know?”  You’re too exhausted for words, and to remember where your phone is.  “Think he’ll be coming back early this morning...”

“Of course, dear.”  She sits up, and you curl around yourself, trying to get warm without her.  After about a minute, you hear the lamp switch off.  Then, the bed creaks and shifts.  It’s far too long before Toriel slips back under the covers and wraps herself back around you.  She breathes.  You breathe.

Just this.

You couldn’t want for anything else.

☠☠☠

_*Hello Papyrus, this is Sans, your brother.  Just letting you know I will not be home when you get back.  Have a good night and a safe trip!  I love you!_

 

Of course.  What else were you expecting?  Papyrus only answered with more shots of you cuddling Undies.  He got a lot of them.  You zoom into Undyne’s face.  She’s drooling a little.  You think you see Alphys’s foot in the corner of the shot.  He got a few different pictures, one with himself grinning in front of you holding up a peace sign.

 

_*help which one should i set as my wallpaper_

_*I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD DO THAT_

_*better yet my lockscreen  
*gotta set a password since tori keeps stealing my phone_

 

You’ve got a death wish, you know, but what’s it matter?  You’re gonna hold onto every little thing that makes you happy.  Cherish it all.  Email it all to yourself so you can set it as your laptop’s wallpaper too.

You hear a quiet snore next to you.  Toriel snores a bit, not like Papyrus, she snores somehow, delicately.  She’s still asleep.  You put your phone back on the bedside table and snuggle back underneath the blankets.  Where it’s warm.  You watch Toriel’s face, it looks so soft that you want to touch it, but you’re probably better off keeping your hands to yourself until she’s ready to come back to the world.

Your phone buzzes, disturbing the stillness of the moment.

 

 _*so how was it???_ _(_ _￣▽￣_ _*)_

_*i beg thy pardon_

_*don’t you play dumb with me sans.  
*if we’re really still friends you’re gonna give me a BLOW BY BLOW account of EVERYTHING that happened last night._

_*well we certainly did sleep together_

_*_ _( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )_ _  
*pics or it didn’t happen_

 

You send Alphys one of your sleeping with Undies pictures.

 

 _*(_ _ᄑ_ ___ _ᄑ_ _)  
_ _*WE’RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE._

 

You decide to take a picture, not for Alphys, but to keep for yourself behind the new lockscreen that you’ll set... eventually.  Later.  Alphys doesn’t get to see this.  No one else does.

You should get her breakfast.  Yeah.  You’re getting pretty hungry yourself.  You’ll have to leave her, though.  You pad over to your bag and search through it.  You think you mighta thrown in some sticky notes.  You always had use for those.

You find a pad and scribble a note.

 

_morning babe hope youre not too wrecked from last night ;)  ill be back in a bit try to find a way to stay warm without me_

 

You leave the note on the bedside table, hoping she’ll look there when she wakes up.  Should you leave your bag here?  Why not, it’ll give Toriel another hint you’re coming back.  As a last thought you grab the key.

The air’s chilly this morning.  The cold months are officially here, which lets you know it’s been at least a year since you first talked to Toriel on omegle.  You remember what the weather was like then, mildly cool, turning deathly cold and breaking your leg.  You’re still suffering the consequences of the winter, but luckily, it’s not quite winter yet.  Not for a while.

The bakery’s invitingly cool after the chill.  You browse the shelves.  The selection’s too big.  Tori deserves something sweet and filling after a night of hardcore cuddling.  You sidle up to the counter and smile up at Big Bunny.  “Eyy, Big Buns.”

Bunny’s older sister cocks an eyebrow and only then does the insinuation of that nickname dawn on you.  You chuckle awkwardly.  “I mean, Big Bunny, Bunny Senior, big sister of our favorite lovable intoxicated Bunny.  Baker of sweets.  What’s the best thing you’ve got.”

“You spend too much time at Grillby’s,” the baker says, folding her arms.  “Sans, how drunk are you?”

“Only drunk on love, Momma Bunny.”

“Sorry Sansy, I’m married.”  You both chuckle some more at that.  “So, you here to say hi?  Or is Bunny causing trouble?”

“Nah, I just wanna know what your favorite sweet is.  It’s a gift.”

“Well, everyone loves my cinnamon bunnies!  They say my recipe’s the only thing that brings tourists to Snowdin.”

“Great, hit me up.”

Bunny’s sister clucks her tongue and asks if you’d like it heated up.  You would.  She reminds you a bit of Toriel, if she were a little sterner and still had her family.  You think they’d be good friends.

The cinnamon bunny smells so good you order a second one.  Then, you carry your little paper bag back next door to the inn.  Back up to Toriel’s room, where you’re greeted with a light snore.  She’s still dead to the world.  You put your snacks down and wait.  You text Alphys.  You wait some more.

She tells you about the fun she and the others had without you.  They went out to the arcade.  Alphys got all the high scores and they had a grand time until Undyne got kicked out for punching the games.  Thankfully no damage was actually caused.  Not this time.  You have too many questions, but Alphys tells you she’s busy.  It’s Monday, time to work again.

Oh yeah, it’s Monday.  You should get to working yourself.  But you don’t want to leave until Toriel’s awake.  You lie around the room, then back next to her, watching her face, drifting in and out of consciousness.

At least an hour passes.  Maybe two, before her eyelids flutter and she groans softly.  Her head shifts on the pillow, and her eyes meet yours.

“Good morning,” she murmurs.

“It’s noon.”

“Oh dear, what time is it?”

You check.  “Nearly two in the afternoon.”

“What the...”  Toriel sits up.  She rubs her head.  “I really slept that long...?  How... how many hours is that?”

“I wouldn’t worry.  You had a pretty exhausting day yesterday.”  You lean over and kiss her.  The kiss takes her by surprise.  You pull away and enjoy her dazed reaction.  “‘Sides, I’m sure I’ve slept longer.”

She pauses.  Then she smiles.  Without warning, she snatches you up into her arms.  “Thank you for giving me something pleasant to wake up to.”

“Heh, waking up next to someone’s the best way to wake up.  When was the last time you...”  You trail off when her smile turns upside down.  You know when the last time she woke up next to someone was; welp, you would if you knew exactly when Asriel died.

“Last month.  It was Frisk.”

“Ooooh, shit.”   _No, this you didn’t know._

“What could I do, they had a nightmare...”

“Dammit, Frisk...  Can’t believe you got there first.”

“Are you really jealous of Frisk?  Count your blessings, dear, you are much better off.  Even _we_ can be together with less complications.”

“Yeah... now that we’ve both got our shit somewhat together...  Speaking of which, you hungry?”

“I just woke up...” Toriel sighs.

“I got you a cinnamon bunny.”  You wiggle your way out of her arms and hand over the paper bag.  “I had it heated up but... that was a couple hours ago.”

“You are too kind.”  She takes a bite of the cinnamon bunny.  “Oh my _god_ that is good, this is from the bakery next door?  I do not know if I can live here with such strict competition.”

“Hey next door they make great cinnamon buns, but I think we make better cinnamon _puns.”_  You wink.

Toriel raises her eyebrows.  “You did not go over there in your pajamas, did you?”

“Huh, no wonder Eldest Bunny asked me how drunk I was.  Think I should get dressed before I get home?”

“That might be for the best.  If it is so late, you should leave now.”

“Are you gonna—”

“I will be fine.  I think I will visit the librarby today.  It has been a while since I read any new books.”

“How ‘bout that bath.”

“I’ll go after my bath.”  

“That’s hot.”  You wink.  “Steamy.”

“Very.  So dear, are you staying or leaving?”

You smile at turn away to hide the heat creeping up your face.  “See you this evening?”

“In this room, or your home?”

“Mm, good question.”

There’s no rush, you can always decide later.  You revel in that, the fact that communication’s back on.  Till then, you go home, back to your job, your boring sit-at-home-on-your-ass job where you get to sit at the table, hunched over and dead-eyed.  Every few minutes or so, you think about last night, and smile, staring sappily into your computer screen.

The house is dead quiet.   _Where is Papyrus?_ you wonder, then remember, he’s at work, poor dude.  You’re too flighty to stay seated.  You’ll make him dinner.  You can... heat up chicken nuggets.  Amazing, you’re such a good brother.

The door crashes open a couple hours later and Papyrus brings life back into the house.  “AAAAAAH!” he shouts.

“Yo.”

“I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN TWO DAYS.”

You shut your laptop and pad into the living room.  Papyrus throws himself facedown onto the couch and screams again.  “Was the ride back as hellish as the ride there?”

Papyrus answers your question, but his words get muffled by the pillow.  You crouch down and ruffle his hair.  His head snaps up.  His eyes narrow at you.  “You’re happy,” he observes.  “I know that look!  Something went on with Toriel!  Alphys wasn’t right, was she?”

“We didn’t have sex,” you tell him, keeping your pact of honesty.  “But don’t tell Alphys.  We did sleep together, though.  It was nice.”

“That _does_ sound nice...  Sleep... sounds nice.”

“Bro I made you chicken nuggets.”

“I’ll eat them tomorrow!”

Papyrus shoves his face back in the couch pillow.  He grumbles that he’s gonna follow your example and sleep here.  “‘Kay, move over.”

“There’s no room for you!”

“I need a sleeping buddy.  I haven’t slept by myself in _three days,_ Pap, I can’t break my record.”  Papyrus makes some mumbled protesting noise into the pillow.  “I can’t sleep anymore without a strong pair of arms around me.”

Papyrus rolls onto his side.  “You should call Undyne,” he suggests.

“Good idea.  Waterfall’s just a quick drive over.  Who knew she was such a cuddler.”

“Everyone knows,” Papyrus says.  “She just doesn’t like to admit it!  Careful though, she kicks in her sleep.  I don’t know if I want you going over there!”

“How do _you_ know.”

“What do you mean, how do I know?  We have sleepovers!  We take the occasional nap together!”

“You filthy cheater.  Can’t believe you nap with your replacement sibling.”  You turn away and sigh tragically.  “If you hate me so much you coulda just said so.”

“Fiiiiine!  Come here!”  He lifts his arm.

“Nah thanks.  I told Toriel I’d meet her later.”  Papyrus drops his arm, frowning at you.  “Heh... I’d be glad to nap with you but you’re too comfy.  I wouldn’t be able to get up.”

“We should invite Undyne over...” Papyrus mutters, “and all... take a nap.”

You grab a blanket and throw it over him.  “Yeah.  Think she’d like that.  We should... lure her here, tell her we’re gonna train and... trap her in a blanket burrito.  You gotta get on level four friendship with Alphys so we can invite her, too.”

“You’re in a _really_ good mood...”

“Is something missing?”

“Toriel?”

“You’re right, we need Toriel.  We can all pile on Toriel.”  You giggle at the thought.  Papyrus yawns and says that’d be amazing.  Toriel seems like a great hugger, from the way she hugged Mettaton.  He sleepily talks about that, how happy Mettaton seemed.  Even if he didn’t get to hang out with his idol much, he’s glad he got to meet him.  You watch his eyes lose focus and pull the blanket up to his shoulders.  Give him a quick goodnight kiss on the forehead.  "Nyeh!" he shouts, and you chuckle, Papyrus is right, you're in a great mood.  He falls asleep and starts snoring to the thought of Toriel hugging MTT.  You’re glad she made him happy.

She’ll really fit in here.  Papyrus already loves her.

☠☠☠

“Well, it’s been less than a day and I think I’ve found a house!”

“Where’s it.”

“Next door to one of the bright-eyed little girls who thinks she is married to you.”

“Damn, which one?”

Toriel rubs her head.  When she mentions the Slimes, you feel your smile fade.  That house has been uninhabited and crumbling for a while.  “It could use some work,” she says.

“Just have the place torn down and put up a new one.”

“That would take months.  I think it’s alright.  Two floors... Three bedrooms.  I’d like to extend it a bit.  Make the kitchen bigger and perhaps...”  She trails off.  “I want your input as well.  Since I assume you’ll be spending a bit of time there.”

“I wanna giant hot tub.”

“That is not a bad idea.  I just hope that I can make the house livable in time for Frisk...  It makes things a lot harder.  I do not want Frisk to remain homeless for much longer.”

They’re both homeless.  You don’t wanna say it out loud, but you think Toriel knows.  She’s been keeping herself occupied, you can see that by the stack of books next to her bed.  Still, you can see the stress and uncertainty in her eyes.  You can see everything, there’s no hiding from you.  But what can you do?  “Do you have a way to contact Frisk?” you ask.

“They are staying somewhere in the Capital.  My best way to get news would be to talk to Asgore.”

“You want me to do it for you?”

“No no, it’s alright.”  She sighs.  “I won’t ask you to get involved until I have their contact information.  You will keep in contact with them, will you not?  Frisk trusts you.  I feel they can tell you things they cannot tell me.”

“Yeah, of course.  I already promised.”

She opens her arms and you lay with her for a while while she reads out loud to you.  You wish you could sleep like this again, but if you do, you’ll be here way into tomorrow.  You’ll never be able to leave.  So you wish Toriel goodnight and force yourself to part until tomorrow.

You check your phone for no particular reason, and see that Undyne’s texted you.

 

_*DELETE THOSE PICTURES_

_*k_

_*DO IT_

_*k_

_*You’re not gonna do it_

_*nope_

_*Meet me in the pit_

_*how bout the trash_

_*FINE LETS MEET IN THE TRASH  
*No weapons just our SOULS_

_*will there be food_

_*Who do you think I am, PAPYRUS?_  
_*You bring your own damn food._  
_*And your phone_

_*do i get a hug if i win_

_*MAYBE!!!!!!!!_  
_*Yeah if it’ll make you fight your hardest!!!!!!!!_

_*your hugs are expensive_

_*If you don’t delete the pictures I’ll tell Toriel you have a crush on Asgore_

_*that was a phase undies_  
_*it lasted about 5 minutes_

_*You can’t take it back_

_*i hadnt seen toriel in a month ok_

_*Excuses._  
_*Anyway how is she doing_

 _*?_  
_*wtf i thought you hated toriel_

 _*She’s a part of your life now which means she’s a part of Papyrus’s life too_  
_*So if I can’t get rid of her I might as well_  
_*TRY to understand her_

 _*thats big of you_  
_*uhh i mean that_

 _*Yeah yeah. Whatever!!!!!!!!_  
_*Is she really settling over there????????_

 _*looks like it. she already found a house_  
_*only complication is how long itll take to get it ready to raise a kid in_

_*You’re gonna hate me for this_

_*for what_

_*I think Frisk would be better off with Asgore._

 

You reach your house and slip in quietly.  Papyrus is still asleep.  You tiptoe past him and creep upstairs.  Undyne gets a few more messages in before you close yourself in your room.

 

 _*He’s already got his own place, he’s rich and well established.  And Frisk likes him_  
*Honestly his place is better for a kid to grow up in  
*And.  Do I even need to bring up the mental health thing??

_*hey i get where youre coming from_

_*Good because I was worried about another stupid fight_

_*trust me thats the last thing i want_

_*I’m gonna try to convince Asgore to adopt Frisk._

_*werent you gonna adopt them  
*frisk could be number 1 of your million babies collection_

_*If I was ready to start my baby collection it would be well underway right now!!!!!!!!!  
*Frisk’s wellbeing isn’t a joke_

_*everythings a joke_

_*Whatever.  I’m just glad you’re not pissed at me_

_*im not taking sides here_  
_*i like asgore. i think hes a good dude_  
_*i stand with everyone else.  i just want whatevers best for frisk_  
_*and tbh i think toriel does too_  
_*maybe what she wants is to keep frisk all to herself. but if she prioritized that over the kids own safety_  
_*i wouldnt trust her_

_*It’s not like she’d have nothing to do with them ever again.  As long as she doesn’t mind sharing custody with her ex?_

_*if she already lived in snowdin idk maybe id fight  
*but this sounds like a whole lot of drama that i want nothing to do with_

_*You’re gonna have to deal with Toriel if she’s miserable over this_

_*k at this point you really gotta get over what you saw because if you think toriel would steal away a kid from a healthier life for her own selfish reasons_  
_*thats uhh_  
_*how to say this_  
_*something i spent most of my life fighting against_

_*????????_

_*thats the kinda person my dad was is what im saying  
*and despite what you may have seen i think its fair to say shes better than him_

_*Fine.  I trust you  
*I don’t trust her yet but I guess I’ll know soon enough however things turn out_

_*this isnt about a grudge_

_*NO!!!!!!!!_

_*what does alphys think_

_*I think she’s upset at me  
*Being in hotland she’d be closer to Frisk, but she thinks I’m making unfair assumptions about Toriel’s mental health_

_*did you fight_

_*No she just got sulky_

_*i dont think fluffybuns is the perfect picture of mental health either_  
_*none of us are. were all fucked up in our own special ways_  
_*were all working through it but i guess i kind of agree that it shouldnt be at the expense of a kid_  
_*then again remember that toriel is frisks first choice_

_*OK but Frisk is like 10 and kind of a weirdo_

_*this is true_

_*HEY LOOK AT US_  
_*HAVING A REASONABLE CONVERSATION!!!!!!!!_  
_*CALMLY!!!!!!!!_

_*lets see how far weve come  
*lets see how far weve coooooome~_

_*YEAH!!!!!!!!_

_*yeah_

 

Papyrus would be proud.

You’re not entirely sure how to feel about this.  If this is a fight brewing, you’ll let it happen instead of escalating it before it has a chance to start.  You’ll deal with the wreckage then.  Undies and Asgore vs Toriel... this could turn into a war.  With Frisk being torn apart in the middle.  But undoubtedly, Asgore won’t want to fight her.  It’s all too damn complicated.  You need to get in touch with Frisk soon so you can keep your promise.  Whatever happens, you’ll be there to guide them.  You can’t do the same for the others.  Just offer your shoulder to Toriel.  Try not to let your feelings get in the way of Frisk’s safety.  You won’t be like the old man.  Even if it means sacrificing Toriel’s happiness.  It’ll just have to come from somewhere else.  She’ll get to be a teacher.  She’ll get to live her life again.  She’ll be okay.  

You curl up in your new bed and try your best to sleep without another body warming you.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Medium Bunny and Big Bunny aren't their real names, that's just what Sans calls them. I didn't feel like picking out names for them, I don't like naming characters things that aren't supported by canon. See Undyne Peixes-Serket is COMPELTELY supported by canon, so that's ok.
> 
> The Toriel plushie makes a cameo to celebrate the arrival of my new Toriel plushie which you can see on my tumblr. She's beautiful.
> 
> pls dont hate undies shes just doin her best like everyone else.,,., also if you think about it she's known Frisk longer than Toriel has. She's just worried about Frisk not having a place to live for several months while Toriel gets settled. Part of her feelings are based on her grudge, but it's not an easy grudge to be rid of.
> 
> btw, about the sex talk, do I need to expound on it? Consent is a serious thing. Oh and another note I have never been in a romantic relationship before so this chapter was REALLY difficult to write. I had to spoon my cat and pretend it was sans to get a feel for it. I kissed my cat a lot for u guys i have 0 frame of reference for what this shit is like


	34. New-New Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mom u can skip this one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for menstrual humor because I was having a bad time. I'm allowed. Hey Sara you know how you said that you read FB to get an update on my life? Well ur right I write what I'm going through and this week it was a blood time, an emotional time, a time of tears and pain and anguish. This story might as well be my autobiography. 
> 
> That being unnecessarily said, I had to split this chapter in 2 for pacing reasons, too much shit was happening in the same chapter. So I'm giving myself 2 days to write the next one because I'm determined to have it out by Undertale's anniversary.

“Oh Papyrus...”  Toriel lifts her own shirt and holds it up to the light like she’s never seen it before.  “You really did not have to wash my clothes for me—”

“Nonsense, today’s laundry day anyway!  Don’t worry, I separated the whites from the colors, they’re going in next.”

Toriel picks up a pair of her own lacy pink underwear and blushes.  You pat her arm consolingly.  Toriel drops her panties and brushes her hair in front of her face.  “Erm.  I don’t usually... put these through the dryer.  I appreciate your help but well, housekeeping is my job.  I can just take these back to my room to dry.”

“There’s no problem, you give me precise instructions and I will make sure your clothing is properly cared for!  I didn’t want you to have to resort to borrowing Sans’s clothes.”  He frowns at you.  “Sans said he offered.”

“He did.  I declined.  We are not the same size anyway.”

Toriel didn’t know how long she’d be staying, so she started to run out of shirts a week into her visit.  She asked if she could use your washing machine, and Papyrus was glad to help.  One thing Toriel didn’t run low on was socks.  She brought along her entire collection.  It was an impressive collection.  Your sock collection isn’t as interesting as hers, all of yours are plain and white.

“I’m trying on all your socks after they’re dry,” you tell her.

“Feel free.  Um, Papyrus dear, you did not put this dress through a regular load, did you?  This was quite expensive.”

Papyrus opens his mouth but quickly closes it, looking ashamed.  “It’s alright,” Toriel assures him, “I am sure one regular wash won’t kill it...  I will just... bring this to the dry cleaners and see what they can do.”

“You don’t uhh, have a dry cleaners at the Ruins, do you?” you ask.

“No.  I do not usually wear this, I just wound up throwing items into a suitcase at random when I was packing.  You don’t have to worry, it isn’t like I can’t get new clothes.”

“That’s a great idea, we should take you out shopping,” you say.  Papyrus beams at that suggestion.  No doubt he’s dressing her up in his mind.  Toriel’s blush deepens as she continues rescuing all her clothes that weren’t supposed to go through the wash, or need to be hung up to dry.  Lots of her clothes appear to need special maintenance.  She needs a wardrobe that’s easier to take care of.  Then again, most people aren’t you and have the energy to wash their clothes at all.

But you’ve been better at that.  You’ve been going to sleep on time and waking up in the morning fresh as a daisy and ready to sell hotdogs.  A year ago you couldn’t remember what it was like to be happy, now you’ve pretty much forgotten what it feels like to be depressed.

You know full and well it has everything to do with knowing that you’ll wake up to texts from Toriel.  All the tension and uncertainty and... _panic_ has vanished with Toriel’s return.  Sometimes when she’s not around and you’re busy you get worried, you ask her constantly how she’s doing and she does the same for you, and then everything returns to normal.

It’s like you can breathe again.  And on top of that, you’re in regular contact with Alphys, too.  Like nothing’s changed.  You couldn’t ask for better, so you’re happy.  The only thing that keeps you up at night is wondering how long this is gonna last.  Because something horrible always happens.  Like you falling face-forward and breaking your leg.

“Dear, do you have a bag I could put these in?”

“Who, me?”  Papyrus points to his face.

“Erm, either of you, if you would be so kind.”

“Of course!”

Seems Toriel has come to terms with Papyrus’s awkward theatrical performances, and has come to find them maybe half as endearing as you do.  She doesn’t mind you gushing about Papyrus anymore, she hasn’t reminded you that he’s not perfect in a long time.  She knows.  She understands a bit better that you think he’s far from perfect, but that’s just what you love him for.  He’s a dork.  He’s better than perfect.

After Toriel packs up her wet things, says to you, “I haven’t seen the upstairs yet.”

“The bathroom’s upstairs.”

“The _rest_ of it.”

“Heh, you wanna see my room?”  It’s your turn to go red.  “I uh, haven’t cleaned it in a while.”

“Alright, a different day, then?”

“Sure, why not.”

“I was hoping to see this month’s skeleton,” Toriel says with a plain smile.

“Ah.  Well, if you just wanna take a peek I don’t think that’s going tibia problem.”

Papyrus slams the door of the dryer shut and stomps out of the laundry room.  “Looks like someone is rather bonetrousled,” Toriel giggles.

“Shout that, I don’t think he heard you.”

“I DO THINK SOMEONE IS RATHER BONETROUSLED!”

“I AM BONE-TIRED OF THIS NONSENSE,” Papyrus calls back.

“That wasn’t bad,” Toriel comments.  You shake your head and lead her up the stairs.

“Up here,” you tell her.  “Last door on the right.”  You keep your head down so you won’t see her face when you open the door.  “It’s... pretty small...”

Your eyes meet a box of chisps on the floor and you force yourself not to look at anything else.  Your room actually isn’t as messy as usual today, with laundry day at least the pile of dirty socks is gone.  And the tornado, and worn mattress, and soup stains and pill bottles.  It could be a lot worse.

“There she is!” Toriel exclaims.  She doesn’t stop to dwell on the small mess, she just runs straight to the calendar.  You watch her gaze at October’s sexy skeleton: a scantily-clad model at a Halloween party wearing cat ears and a tiny frilly miniskirt.  “She’s beautiful,” Toriel says.

“I dunno, she looks a lil dead to me.  What’s her name.”

“Celia.”  Toriel looks out of place standing in your room.  She’s too fancy for it.  “October... did you know it has been over a year?  Since we first spoke, that is.”

“Yeah.  I was just thinkin’ about that yesterday.”

“So much has changed.  Even with everything I have been through, including the birth and loss of children, I think of that lonely night as the turning point of my life.”

“Wow.”

“It’s silly...  Do not feel pressured to live up to anything, no matter what happens now, that day will remain a turning point.  I am so happy I ran into you.”

“I know it goes without saying but... me too.”

Toriel tears her eyes from Celia and glances around your tiny, poorly lit room.  “It’s not much,” you blurt.

“It’s enough.  You have a bed, you have clothing, and family, and food.  That is more than many have.  It is enough for you, is it not?”

“It’s more than enough for me.”

“Then it is enough for me.  I like your home.  It feels enough like home to me.”

“You should see Papyrus’s room,” you say.  “It’s full of personality.”

“I am sure he would love to show me.  Should I wait here until the laundry is dry, or...”

“Yeah, hang out.  Before Papyrus tries making dinner.”

Toriel hurries to the kitchen.  You fall asleep at the table while she tries teaching Papyrus the difference between baking soda and flour.  You wake up to Papyrus shrieking apologies and see Toriel’s skirt covered in cheesy sauce.

“It’s alright, dear,” she says.  “Such is inevitable.”

“But your laundry—”

“It’ll all be dry in a few minutes.”

“Come with me,” you mumble.  “I got something for that.”

Toriel incredulously follows you back to your room.  You dig out a pair of pants from your pants drawer.  “Try this on.”

“Sans, I told you—”

“Don’t worry, it’s stretchy.”  You stretch out the waistband.  Toriel rolls her eyes.  “Cmon, just try it.”

“How many of the same shorts do you own...?”

“Shorts are a _lifestyle._  We’re indoors, Tori, sun can’t get to your legs from here.”

“Why exactly are you so eager for me to try on your clothing?”

“You’d look better in it than me.”

“Fair enough, though I highly doubt that.”  Toriel snatches your shorts and bends down to step into them.  She pulls them up underneath her skirt, straightening up.  Her eyebrows scrunch up as she stretches the elastic and struggles to pull your shorts up over her hips.  “This is a challenge,” she grunts.  “As I knew it would be.  Would you mind giving me a moment?”

You were enjoying the struggle, but you leave her in your room and check on the dryer right as it buzzes.  Perfect.  You pick out a dress at random and drag it with you upstairs.  You open up the door to be met with the sight of Toriel’s legs.  You swallow and freeze in place.  Beneath her loose shirt you can see the waistband of your shorts squeezing her a bit, but overall the effect is... unlike anything you could have imagined without seeing it.

Granted, you’d only seen Toriel’s legs once, when they were clad in rainbow stockings.  Today’s stockings are purple thigh-highs with pies printed on them, and your shorts are so small on her that you can see the space between her upper leg and the shorts that lets you know the socks she’s wearing are indeed thigh-highs.  The shorts hug her hips very much in a way that they don’t hug yours.

You start laughing.  Toriel chuckles reluctantly.  “I know, I am a scream.”

“No, it actually looks really good.”  You double over snorting; Toriel in _shorts,_ it’s just too funny.  “Look what I got.”  You show her the purple fabric you’re holding.

“Sans, that is too big for you.”

You slip the dress over your head.  “It’s only fair.”  You struggle through the fabric until you find the opening.  Your head pops out and you shake your arms through the sleeves until you can see your hands.  “How do I look.”

“Hmm.  Perhaps a nice hat would complete the ensemble.  Careful when walking.”

You take a step and nearly trip over the hem of the dress.  Toriel takes your shoulder to steady you.  You hear a pop.  “Oh no, I think that was the waistband.”

“It’s okay, I got more pants, it’s no _waste.”_

“You look darling, like a child trying on his mother’s clothes.”

“I really can’t walk in this.”

“I feel all the pies I have eaten punishing me.”  Toriel puts her hand on her hip and struts around your room.  “I am a model.”

“You sure are.  Work it, girl.”

Toriel kicks her leg into the air.  You lie down on the floor and pose because if you posed standing up, you’d trip and die.  This was the greatest idea you ever had.  The door flies open and Papyrus freezes in place, his eyes glancing back and forth between the two of you.  Toriel blanches even whiter than her usual skin tone.  Papyrus lets out a huffy sigh and slams the door in front of him.

☠☠☠

Three stacks of books get returned to the librarby unread.  Toriel knew she wouldn’t get to all of them, she couldn’t possibly read all those books in two weeks.  Still, she wanted to make sure she was never bored.  Her librarby friends will miss her.

“How long you think you’ll be away?” you ask her the night before she goes home, fingering a ribbon on her nightgown.  You figured you’d spend the night to help each other sleep.  She told you she wouldn’t, so you asked if she’d sleep better if you were with her.  She said she’d be out like a light.

“I am afraid to estimate, I just know it’ll be at least a week longer than whatever I tell you.  It won’t be forever.”

She kisses your head.  You don’t know who needs more reassurance, her or you.  She has a lot to pack.  A lot to move.  And nowhere to move it to.  Repairs on the house haven’t started yet.  She’s decided it’s definitely the house she wants.  She likes the location.  Your flower field will be her backyard, though all the flowers have died by now.

She’ll probably go back and forth to the Ruins many times to move in.  Toriel’s exhausted just thinking about it, but also excited.  You asked her what she wanted so many bedrooms for.  She needed one for herself, she said, one for Frisk, hopefully, and one for guests.  She has big dreams.  One of those is to have an open home for anyone who needs a place to stay.  Those are good dreams for someone who has the means to make them come true.

She’s lucky she’s rich.

And you’re lucky too, or the prospect of living so close to her would be... just a prospect.  It’s a lot to think about.  You clear your mind and listen to Toriel hum.  “I will miss you, but I doubt the wait will be unbearable.  I have what to occupy myself with.”

“Yeah...”

“I hope once I am gone you can focus on work again.  I’m a little concerned.”

“Heh, don’t be.”

“I heard at the bakery you have not been to Grillby’s in quite some time.  You should not have to make such sacrifices for me.”

“They’re not sacrifices.  Everyone in Snowdin knows I do whatever I feel like.”

“Your friends miss you.”

“They can live without me a while.”  You finger a loose lock of hair, recently undone from its braid.  You twirl it in your hand, enjoying the feel of fresh crimpy curls.  She looks good with her hair down.  She looks good with her hair up.  She looks good in your shorts, in long skirts, in nightgowns and in anything.

“I love you,” she says out of the blue.

“Tha’s good to know...”

You kiss her until you get tired.  Then, you lie awake in the darkness until you can be sure she’s fallen asleep.  It’s your responsibility as her personal temporary sleeping drug.

When Bunny’s sister sees you coming out of her room the next morning, she doesn’t comment, but she gives you a knowing smile as she tells Toriel to stay again.

There’s no kiss before she leaves this time, just a quick hug.  You think you can hear her heart pounding.  “I cannot wait to be back,” she says.  “Tell Papyrus thank you for all the favors, will you not?”

“You already told him.”

“He’s such a nice person.  I feel bad I did not get the chance to give him a hug before I left.  Hug him for me, will you?”

“Heh, course.  See you in an indefinite amount of time.”

“Farewell!”

She waves and runs onto her train.  You smile and wave back.  Then, you walk home with your hand in your pocket.  Your leg doesn’t hurt one bit.  The cane feels unnecessary.  You get it, the pain’s all stress.  While your heart is still fluttery, your whole body is light.

This theory lasts until you’re three quarters of the way to your house and you wish you’d taken a taxi.  Aw well, no turning back now.

You sleep on it.  Or you try to.  Toriel, back on an okay sleeping schedule, falls asleep before you do, and isn’t around to text at 3am when you find yourself still lying awake.  The usual dark thoughts start swarming in your mind, flashbacks to eleventh grade and then Toriel’s voice sobbing into the phone, and you tell your mind, _Chill motherfucker, it’s been less than a day._

When you wake up, all you can feel is Toriel’s absence.  It wouldn’t be so hard if you didn’t keep remembering what happened last time she left you and you weren’t around to help her.  You curl up in bed with crippling doubt until Papyrus comes to rescue you, yelling at you to get up.

It gets better as the day progresses.  You find not only Toriel, but also Alphys texting you memes.  It’s okay.  Life’s as good as it can get.  But somehow, texting Toriel doesn’t feel the same as it always did.  You don’t have as much to say, it seems, or really, you’re just not used to communicating this way anymore.

With nothing else to think about, you realize over the course of a few days that your relationship with Toriel has evolved past the honeymoon phase.  Past the novelty of finding a friend who shares your sense of humor.  You share a hell of a lot more now.  And when she’s not here, it doesn’t feel like enough anymore.

There are just too many hours of the day.  You keep having to push back the nagging feeling that you have to do something.  That you need to find Frisk, find Toriel, go to Hotland, get back in touch with your old friend, all that’s done.  So now what?  You’ve completed the journey and arrived at the destination.

You’re not sure what you expected, but you didn’t think the journey would go in a direct circle, leading you right back to where you started.  What was all that work and effort for exactly?  You can’t remember.  You felt better and more accomplished when you were still in the middle of accomplishing.

 

 _*i think i get why you act like such a spaz,_ you tell Alphys.

_*??_

_*theres 2 settings  
*all or nothing_

_*:?_

_*10 or 1  
*ecstatic or dead inside_

_*are you okay??_

_*i think im depressed_

_*_ _ಠ_ ___ _ಠ_

_*eh dont worry about it itll probably pass_

_*did toriel break up with you again?_

_*nah she just went home_

_*ah i see how it is (_ _ᇴ_ _‿_ _ฺ_ _ᇴ_ _)  
*you_ _’_ _re pining._

_*yeah that’s probably it  
*you ever complete a project and then sleep for 1000 years after its done_

_*no. i never sleep lol  
*unless i literally pass tf out._

_*what brand of energy drink do you use to keep yourself peppy_

_*ALL SORTS.  dont become like me lmao its so unhealthy._

 

Papyrus makes you talk about your feelings during your next feelings jam.  You tell him you’re not really feeling much.  Papyrus finds your behavior very concerning because you’ve been trudging instead of floating.  He thinks you should try exercising.  Not this again.  Or, he suggests, tell your doctor.  Your psychiatrist might be better suited to helping you than he is.  Till then, he’ll be keeping a close eye on you.

You’ve never had a very easy time explaining your feelings.  But you manage to give your doctor an idea of what your month has been like.  She tells you you’re experiencing a crash.  After a busy few weeks you’re having trouble adjusting back into a normal lifestyle.  Somehow, hearing this lifts a weight off your chest, because she’s right, she knows what she’s talking about, and this means it’s temporary.

She offers to up your antidepressants, since, you learn, your dose was actually a pretty mild one.  What improved your condition in the first place was a combination of the meds and all the changes happening in your life.  So you take it.  You remind yourself in Papyrus’s voice that this isn’t taking the lazy way out.  Helping yourself isn’t lazy.

“It’s an emotional crash,” you tell Papyrus when you ask him to pick up your meds.  “So uhh, I think it’s just a temporary relapse.”

“Have you been snapping rubber bands?” he asks you, looking intently at your arm.

“Nah.”  Good point, you forgot about those.  Amazing, you’re in better shape than you thought you were.  

It takes just a couple more days to feel like a person again.  You wake up on Sunday morning actually feeling motivated to go out and do something.  The smell of french toast burning makes you even happier to get out of bed.

Truly, nothing’s changed.  Undyne’s in your kitchen looking as ready to conquer as ever.  “Eat up, fucko!” she yells, slamming a plate down on the table before you get the chance to sit down.

“How’d it go with Fluffybuns,” you ask her, taking a seat.  “Is Frisk gonna live with him?”

Undyne pauses.  “What?” Papyrus asks.

“He’s... thinking about it,” she finally says.  “He didn’t say much else.”

She doesn’t eat her french toast with as much gusto as Papyrus.  She appears to be thinking.  You can see on her face exactly how her proposition went.  She probably rambled her idea to him listing off the pros and cons of why it would work, why he’d be Frisk’s best option, how great it would be for anyone, and his short reply had shut her down.

“Is Alph still sulky?”

“I don’t know.  I haven’t seen her since we left Hotland, but I _know_ she took what I said about Toriel personally.”

“What did you say about Toriel?” Papyrus asks.

“Eh, I get where she’s coming from.  Did you tell her the whole story?”

“I—  I told her in _short,_ but it just made her more sympathetic of Toriel!  I keep trying to tell her they’re not the same.”  She stabs at her toast.  “She takes _everything_ personally.  It can get really frustrating!”

“You and Alphys aren’t having a fight, are you?” asks Papyrus.  “This is not good!  We all need a group feelings jam!”

“It’s not a _fight,_ just a difference in opinion.”  Her expression tells you it’s a bit more than that.  “And she thinks that just because I don’t think Toriel’s in the right mindplace to adopt a kid that I think _no_ mentally ill people are fit to raise kids?  I mean, that’s not what she said but that’s what I got from her passive-aggressive emoticons!”  Her knife cuts into the plate a little too hard.

“Careful for the plate, Undies.”

“Why can’t she just _tell_ me these things?  I’m not a freaking mind reader!  It’s so fucking frustrating!”

“Give her time,” you say.  “And uh, as for Toriel, she’s gotten better since she’s had a break.  I think she’ll be okay.  You said you wanted to understand her, why not try talking to her when she gets back?  By the way I uh, me ‘n Frisk kinda creeped in on their conversation but, Tori _did_ talk to Asgore.”

“I know.  I saw you.”  Her eye narrows.  “I got to hear a lot of what was said.  And _none_ of it sounded like a proper apology.  To me it sounded like Toriel getting her last chance to verbally spit in his face.”

You look down at your toast, but find you’ve lost your appetite.  “W-We should all definitely talk,” Papyrus says.  “This is all very concerning!  But I’m sure there’s a way for everyone to reconcile peacefully and all be friends!”

Undyne doesn’t say anything.  She doesn’t appear to have much of an appetite left either.  You study her face.  She’s stressing herself out over Toriel more than you are.  “Maybe give it a rest before Toriel comes back,” you suggest.  “Train hard but try not to beat up Papyrus too bad.”

Papyrus approves of that idea.  Undyne promises that she won’t let Papyrus expect her to hold anything back.  She lets him clean up.  As they put on their shoes, Undyne says, “You wanna come with us?”

“Me?”

“NO, MORON!”

“Yes, you, Sans,” says Papyrus.

“Hanging out with little kids and watching you two beat each other up?  Nah, I’m good.”

“The plan changes week to week,” says Undyne with a smile.  “We can try something less intense.  Didn’t you wanna fight a couple weeks ago?”

“WHAT?” Papyrus exclaims.

“Are the stakes still the same,” you ask.

“Yeah!  You’re quick and light on your feet!  I wanna see how you fight!”

“NO, THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!” Papyrus yells.  “NO ONE IS FIGHTING!”

You grin at Undies.  “As tempting as the winner’s prize sounds, maybe another day.  I feel like going to Grillby’s.”

“Fine.  Run away, coward,” Undyne seethes, scowling.  You wave goodbye to them and walk out, listening to the distant sound of Papyrus demanding to know where this urge to fight you came from.  You don’t like to fight unless it’s absolutely necessary, because your strengths are a secret.  But maybe it’d be fun to try sparring with the Undying Undyne.  Her reward would be far from half-assed, she wouldn’t hold back on the hug she promised.  Then you think of hospital bills and even the vision of an enthusiastic winner’s hug loses its appeal.

You’re disappointed to find Grillby’s mostly empty.  You spot Bunny’s frizzy head in its usual booth.  Grillby nods at you from the counter.  “Yo,” you say.  You drop down across from Bunny.  “‘Sup, Buns.”

“Heya, Sansy,” she mumbles.  She lifts her head.  Her face is free of its usual dripping makeup.  There’s nothing but chapped lips and dark circles under her eyes.  “Where you been?”

“Around.  Hotland, the Capital, King Fluffybuns’s mansion.”

“Good fer you...  Brought back anyone hot?”

“Yep.”

“Why’s everything easy for you,” Bunny grumbles.  “You got everything, Sansy, I’m jealous.”

“Pfff, you think it’s easy?”  Bunny rolls her eyes.  You’d never talk to her this way before, but you can see in her newly sobered eyes that she can comprehend every word you’re saying.  “Buns, living’s a challenge.  If I can climb out of depression, you can get yourself out of whatever mess you’re in.”

“Good to know.”  She drops her head back in her arms.  “So yer really serious about that... the depression thing.  Izzat why you disappear so much?”

“Nah.  Hey, Buns, I respect your decision to go sober.”  You pat her fluffy head.  “You know what the best thing to have is?  A supportive family.  You’ve got two sisters in town helping you through this.”

“Fuck ‘em,” Bunny mumbles.  “They ain’t like your brother.  They all think I’m a nut.”

“Clearly you don’t know anything about Papyrus.”  You chuckle.  “Tough love’s something all siblings give you.  Y’know, every time I go into the inn or the bakery, they ask about you.”

Bunny lifts her head, gazing at you with upturned eyebrows.  “So why you been gone so long?”

“Busy.  Listen, they care about you, Buns.”

Bunny sighs.  “Thanks, Sansy,” she murmurs.  “Guess you’re more than a bag of laughs...”

The door swings open.  Red and Ugly walk in, look at you, and rush over to say hi and where the hell were you.  You hang out in Bunny’s booth and catch up.  They ask about Frisk.  You tell them they’ve been found, and everyone, including Bunny, smiles and sighs in relief.  You tell them they’re staying at a shelter in the Capital.  They’re disappointed to hear that; they miss the lil buddy.

Back home, Papyrus is suffering his own losses.  He reminisces that it’s been at least a year since your pet rock’s death.  “The third of October, I vowed to never forget the third of October!” he angsts, bending down in the front yard over the monument you two built for your pet.  “We forgot, Sans.”

You kneel down and rest your hand on his shoulder.  “We’ll remember Pet Rock in death exactly how it lived.  Stubborn and unmoving to the end.”

“Laid to rest beneath its family,” Papyrus sniffs.  “Sans... what would you think about getting a new pet?”

“I dunno, we couldn’t take care of a freaking rock.”

“I’ve always wanted a dog.”

“I dunno, Pap, dogs are a lot of work.  It’d be like living with two of you.”

“That sounds ideal.”

“We’ve got that annoying dog who eats out of our garbage sometimes,” you say.  “He’s kinda like our pet.”

“I have the perfect name!” Papyrus exclaims.  “For the dog!   _Pup_ yrus!”  He grins at you.  You smirk back.

“You’re sayin’ you wanna name our pet after a _pun._  I never knew you looked up to me that much.”

“You didn’t _invent_ puns!” says Papyrus, his tone exasperated, but he’s still smiling.

☠☠☠

She’s back before you know it.  The next couple weeks pass in a blur, and by the time she tells you _*I will see you tomorrow morning! ]:)_ you think, _damn, already?_  You’ve finally gotten used to routine again.  And you’re getting used to Toriel’s comings and goings, so you sleep just fine the day before you meet her at the train station.

Going to the train station to meet Toriel, it’s part of your routine now.  She even scheduled her train to come after you’re finished up at the hotdog stand.  She made sure of that this time.  She doesn’t want you missing any more work for her.

She arrives with her huge suitcase and a heavy knitted shawl.  She grins when she sees you, runs up, and kisses you.  She puts you down, red in the face, and you snort, “So much for keeping our relationship all to yourself.”

“I could not help it,” she says breathlessly.

You feel a pair of eyes burning into your neck.  You whirl around and spot your friend from the bakery staring with her arms folded across her chest.  “Hi,” you say.

“My sister’s not gonna be pleased,” Elder Bunny says.  “Toriel.  Really.”

Toriel turns very red.  “H-How very nice to see you, Bonnie.  Erm, are you picking someone up...?”

“My mom’s visiting.  Nice job changing the subject, though.”  She smiles and approaches, stands in front of you with her hand on her hip.  “Beatrice told me she suspected this, but I never woulda believed it unless I saw it with my own eyes.  You’re not Sansy’s usual crowd, Toriel.  How’d he rope you in?”

You duck behind Toriel’s arm.  “Don’t know what you’re talking about, maybe you should get your eyes checked,” you say.

“Ahem.  We met on the internet,” Toriel says awkwardly.  “And then many things happened and here I am!  Is it Sans your younger sister will have difficulty getting over, or me...?”

“Oh god, what’d she do.”  Bunny’s sister frowns.

“I’d rather not recount that story.”

“It’s okay, I hit her with my cane,” you say.  “Break the news to Buns gently, ‘kay?”

“So it’s official?” Bonnie the eldest bunny asks.  “You two are really an item.”

“Well, what did you think...?” Toriel asks.  “Sans was the only person I knew before coming to Snowdin.  We went on walks together all the time.  Where were you, may I ask, and everyone else?”

Bonnie shrugs.  “Sans’s just popular by nature.  No one ever thought he’d settle.  Seems like you’re a lucky lady, though.”

“Indeed.”

“Treat her right Sans and stop mackin’ on my little sister.”

“Whoa whoa, that was, _years_ ago, Bon.  If I remember correctly which, I should because I haven’t been drinking in a _very_ long time.”

“I have heard about the cheap comedic relief,” says Toriel.  “It’s alright, we’ve discussed it.  And I hear Bunny has stopped drinking?  I am impressed and also surprised.”

“It’s a work in progress,” Bon sighs.  “Feel free to report to me if she does anything inappropriate.  I’ll take care of it.”

“Is your sister alright?” Toriel asks.  “It sounds like she is going through a lot.”

“Eh, I’m not too worried.  After all, she’s got some great friends.”  You find yourself smiling at that.  “Maybe they encourage some bad habits, but at least she’s loved.  I see what your influence has done on our friend Sansy.  He’s been darn well behaved and he’s getting his little squad to clean up their acts, too.”  She gives you a knowing nod from below Toriel’s arm.

“Thank you...?”

Toriel grows redder and redder in the face and Bonnie’s knowing smirk widens.  Toriel can’t pull the cute old lady act on her, since, as far as you know, the bakery owner may be older than her.  “Huh.  What’ll your kids be like,” Bonnie hums.  “This town’s about to finally get interesting.”

“Um, well you see—” Toriel begins.  She clears her throat.

“A stalkerish creep,” you say.  “Total flirt.  Probably a time traveler.  Our kid, I mean.”

“Hm.  Sounds like that missing kid I’ve been hearing so much about.”  Bonnie clucks her tongue.  “Poor kid... I gave them a discount cin—”

“They’re safe now,” Toriel interrupts.  “Isn’t your mother waiting...?  I would be best be going now.  Have fun with your family!”

She takes her suitcase and walks briskly away.  You trot to keep up.  “To be fair,” you say, looking back to see Bonnie still looking intently at you both, “I just wanna point out, _you_ kissed _me.”_

“I know.  Old habits...”  Her face is flushed and you know it has nothing to do with the autumn chill.  “It was going to happen eventually, wasn’t it?  Otherwise I would have to keep my hands off you in public.  Just another reason to avoid going outside.”

She giggles.  You pat her arm.  “I’m impossible to resist.”

“Seems I am not the first to fall for your charms.”

“You seem happy.”

“Do I...?”

You smile and trot next to her.  It’s a great improvement from the cloud and gloom.  “The sky is nice and cloudy.  It’s going to be a rainy week!  Perfect weather for staying indoors with a book.”

 _“Whether_ or not that comes to be, we’ll weather the weather.”  Toriel looks at you and slows down.  “So, got everything taken care of?”

“As much as I could.  I needed all that time to get my affairs in order, but I’m glad I finally did.”

She lists off the affairs she got in order.  Buying the house, getting repairs authorized, signing up for the winter semester... you start to zone out.  She’ll be at the inn for a few more weeks.  She made some sort of deal with the Innkeeper bunny (Beatrice?  Did they all really have names?) for a longterm stay discount, but she’ll still need to borrow your kitchen and washing machine.  You’re more than okay with this.  So is Papyrus.  Apparently, she’s been texting him too while she was away.  It was on and off, she said, but he wanted to know how she was doing and if she needed help.

“He’s wonderful,” she says.

“I know, right?”

This is longterm.  She’s actually staying this time.  And once she’s able to move in, her stuff will come with her.  The only thing she hasn’t worked out is Frisk.  Their situation is too complicated, a few weeks won’t be enough time to get them home.  You can’t help feeling guilty.  You haven’t talked to them in over a month.

You decide to get in touch with Alphys about that.  Once you’re home in the peaceful quiet of your living room.

 

_*you work for fluffybuns any news about frisk  
*thought you were gonna get them a phone like 3 years ago_

_*=_=_  
_*i’m behind on everything i was supposed to do 3 yrs ago_  
 _*like QUIT MY FREAKING JOB._

_*still hunting?_

_*here’s my list:  
*1) find a new job 2) get rid of mettaton 3) move in with my girlfriend somewhere that isn’t hotland because i don’t want her to be miserable_

_*is everything good with undies_

_*?? yeah_

_*she mentioned something about you getting sulky over a disagreement_

_*is this the toriel thing? it’s not a big deal_   
_*just me taking things too personally AS USUAL! lol_   
_*the frisk affair has everyone on edge i think._   
_*i’m tired._

_*i feel you_

_*so when are you moving in with YOUR gf? ಠﭛಠ_   
_*deny it all u want i know what uve been doing_   
_*lucky bastard_

_*alphys shut up your 12_

_*i am 24 and tired of your bullshit._

_*that’s a baby_   
_*youre still a baby_   
_*i cant believe papyrus is letting his adopted sister fuck a fucking baby_   
_*wait youre 24_   
_*damn its been a while_

_*since WHAT?_

_*time flies when youre wallowing in a pool of your own filth  
*why not take mtt with you keep him as a family pet_

_*GEEZ he’s not an animal lol_   
_*well he’s a little like a cat._   
_*the kind that sits on your laptop when ur trying to work lmao_   
_*and whines until you feed him_

_*fuck thats the kinda cat i am_

_*GOOD THEN YOU TAKE HIM_

_*papyrus would like that_

_*maybe he’d get along better with him?? idk we’re not good for each other and the sooner we can split the better._   
_*i think the best way to describe our relationship would be as an unhealthy symbiotic one._   
_*i’m just_   
_*scared that we’ll never talk to each other again if we move out on each other._

_*didn’t you just say you were bad for each other_

_*yeah, as we are now!_   
_*but i don’t wanna part ways and never see each other again?? we’re in the same house and we barely talk anyway._   
_*and i feel gross bc maybe i’ve been keeping him here on purpose because i needed a friend??_

_*pet friend_

_*i met him right after you left. i was desperate lmao  
*then we latched onto each other like leeches._

_*thats not symbiotic_

_*undyne told me what happened with his cousin after he started living with me he’s talked to them like 3 times. i don’t want that to happen with us too._

_*eh maybe theyre just both bad at keeping in touch_

_*but they were rlly close?? idk i’m just. ANXIOUS AS USUAL_

_*you wanna come over_

_*right now??_

_*nah whenever_   
_*its been a while since we hung out last_   
_*i can properly introduce you to the tall drink of water whom i am very evidently having sexual intercourse with_

_*why do i feel like this is probably all a joke you two made up.  like a totally obvious joke that i should GET is a joke and everyone else is in on it_

_*;)_

_*i hate everything about u rn._

She needs reminding that she has other friends, you think.  Then she won’t be as scared of letting go of MTT.  You hope.  And most importantly, Alphys can meet Toriel and tell her what kind of phone to get for Frisk.

If you like depressing magical girl anime, she tells you, she’s showing you Princess Tutu and god help you both because she swears you’re going to marathon the whole thing in one day because she wants to see your every reaction.  It’s not fun to watch your reactions, you remind her, because of your perpetual poker face.  Your words wash over her.  She wants to see you cry.

You wonder if Toriel would like this one.  She wouldn’t have an appreciation for PMMM, you think, but if this anime’s about ballerinas and classical music...  Does Tori even like classical music?  You realize you don’t know what kind of music Toriel likes.  You’re ashamed of yourself.

Alphys makes you swear not to look up Princess Tutu spoilers.  You promise you won’t.  Papyrus scoffs at the title.  Toriel says, “Really?  Is Princess Tutu a cartoon meant for adults?”

“Toriel I’m dead inside,” you tell her, pointing to your face.  “Do these look like the eyes of a man who cares if what he’s watching is called Princess Tutu?”

“I will visit,” Toriel says, “but I do not think I will stay for the cartoons.”

Undyne texts you out of the blue to tell you _*REAL MEN WATCH PRINCESS TUTU!!!!!!!!_  She wants to join.  Don’t let the title fool you, she says, it’s _*DEEP_ and _*EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!!_  You have the feeling you’ll enjoy Princess Tutu a heck of a lot more with Undies keeping you entertained, but, you ask her, where’s everyone gonna sleep?

 

_*We’re not sleeping!!!!!!!!_

 

Good for them, you can escape if you need to.  Replace your body with a pillow, run to the Snowed Inn, and they won’t notice the difference.

Toriel comes over before Alphys does.  “Since your friends are coming over I thought I could make them some snacks,” she says.

“Thanks mom, you’re the best.”

You wink at her.  Toriel closes her eyes for a few seconds and sighs.  Papyrus cuts in and insists that she has to make something healthy.  Undyne likes healthy snacks and you need to cut back yourself.  You hear a knock at your door, graciously let your guest in, and show Alphys to the kitchen where Papyrus and Toriel work together at the counter.

“What’s she doing?” Alphys asks.

“Making us healthy snacks.”

“Ew, it’s like you’re dating your mom.”

“I know.  It’s so hot.”  You waggle your eyebrows at her.  “Cmon, isn’t this the kinda thing you’d respect about my life choices?”

“W-Well, you’ve never had a mom, so I guess, Freud was no fraud?”

“Welp, you know what a Freudian slip is, it’s when you say one thing, but you really mean your mother.”

Toriel whirls around, hair loopies swinging across her shoulders.  “Hello, Alphys,” she says.  “It is nice to see you again.  Do you have any allergies?”

“H—h-h-hi...?”

Alphys half-raises her hand and shrinks at least two inches.  Papyrus beams and booms out his own hello.  You lead the poor girl to the couch and sit her down.  “She’s really cute,” Alphys mutters.  “Y-You’re not... intimidated at all?  She’s s-so tall and... polite...”

“Guess it helped knowing each other before we knew what we looked like,” you say.  “I loved her before I met her.  She coulda been anyone and I woulda been smitten no matter what.”

“God, that’s so sweet.”

“Heh...  And the fact that she’s stunning doesn’t hurt.”

You can feel her standing right outside the living room, but your back is turned, so you pretend you don’t.  Toriel walks in, you turn around as though noticing her there for the first time.  Her face is tinged slightly pink.  “It is nice to see you again, Alphys.  It has been quite a while, hasn’t it?”

“L-l-last month we— at m-my— your old— Asgore’s h-house...”

“Sans tells me you’re something of a technology wizard.  It’s very impressive to a clueless old woman like me.”

“Th-thanks...?”

Toriel remains standing, her hands clasped in front of her.  She’d been concerned about Alphys visiting, she was worried her distrust would show through, after the rumors she’d heard about her.  You told her they had some things in common.   _Like what?_ she’d asked, and you’d answered, _anxiety._  She didn’t like that, so you suggested, _memes, talk about memes._  Maybe this odd young genius was alright, Toriel decided, if she could appreciate a quality wholesome meme.  

“I am happy you have gotten back on your feet after the incident with your roommate.  Wait.  One second.”  Her eyes narrow.  “Sans, the roommate could have only been you.”

“You got me, Tori.  Look at how all the pieces piece together.  Brilliant, like clockwork.  The roommate is me.  Me, of all people.  Wow.  And you meet again.  After all these years.”

“So he... really is like this with everyone?” Alphys mutters, narrowing her eyes into an expression nearly identical to Toriel’s.

“I do suppose so.  So, Alphys!  How do you know Frisk?”

“They, uhh...”  You watch her brain furiously work on a coverup story.  “Sh-showed up at the... garbage dump where I hang out s-sometimes...?  You m-meet some interesting people at the garbage dump!  Like I um, m-met my girlfriend there.”

“You and Undyne met at the garbage dump?  I had thought you two met at the mansion.  I am rather impressed you two stayed together so many years!”

“Oh, b-back then we... weren’t really... _together.”_

“Oh?”  Toriel’s eyes narrow again.  “I and, everyone else I believe, were under the impression—”

“W-Well not officially!  It’s complicated we— we were both just really dense but—  Agh...”

“Breathe,” you tell Alphys.  

“Let’s talk about phones!” she yells.  “Frisk!  Frisk’s phone!”

“Are you alright?” Toriel asks.  “Did I offend you?  I am sorry—”

“N-No!  I mean, you’re fine don’t worry!”

Toriel finally invites herself to sit, keeping her hands neatly folded on her lap.  You wonder when Undies is gonna show up.  It’d make it easier if she was there to help Alphys talk, you’re no good at helping people.  It’s kind of amazing how they can all be perfectly civil to each other’s faces while slandering each other to you.  You wonder how people can live like that.  You don’t bullshit people, you’re one to let them know exactly how you feel about them.  Being two-faced goes against your every nature.  Who knows, maybe it’s a curse.  Maybe it’d be useful to know how to be civil to people you don’t like.

Alphys asks to see Toriel’s phone.  She asks what her budget is.  Toriel tells her not to worry about that.  Papyrus is happy to see them bonding, you’re just relieved everyone is getting along.  No one says a word about Asgore.  

The oven timer goes off.  Papyrus yells not to worry; he’s got this.  Toriel offers to help clean up.  “Thank you dear,” she tells Alphys, “I feel very enlightened.  I was not aware there was a jetpack app, though, I do not think I will be putting that on Frisk’s phone.”

“Aww, kids love that kind of thing.”  Alphys laughs hesitantly.  “Well it’s up to you and— l-lemme... text you so you have my number in c-case you have any questions.  I prefer texting by the way so um, t-text the question if you have one— instead of calling because I um... heh...”

“Whatever you prefer,” says Toriel gently.  “Thank you for the advice, I’m going to excuse myself for a minute to clean up my mess in the kitchen.”

Toriel gets up and walks away.  Alphys breathes a sigh of relief.  “I’m so jealous of you,” she whispers.  “I wish I could talk to people as easily as you.”

“I’m proud of you, sis.”

Papyrus calls you from the kitchen and asks you to take out the trash.  “Take me,” Alphys whispers.  “I’m the trash.”

“Sure, let’s go outside.”

You pick yourself up and take Alphys by the sleeve into the kitchen where Papyrus thrusts a trashbag at you.  You let go of Alphys’s sleeve and take it outside.

It’s freezing.  The wind hits you as soon as you open the door.  “Ick...”  Alphys follows.  She shuts the door behind her.  “Nice night.”

“It’s cold...”  You hear her shuffle along in the grass behind you.  “Heh... I can’t believe I’m here.”

“Takin’ out the trash.”

“I’m at your house.  It’s been six years, you know.”

“Huh?”

You hear Alphys’s feet stop shuffling.  You drop the trashbag to your side and turn around.  “I know you haven’t been keeping count, but you were always bad at keeping track of things.”

“Alph, I don’t even remember how old I am,” you say.  “Six years since when, old Fartster died?”

“Yeah,” Alphys sighs.  “S-Six longest years of my life, probably.”

"Wow.  Heh, feels like just yesterday we were dicking around on anime forums and being mutually dead inside."

"Yeah... lately it really does feel like it wasn't that long ago but, before you called me it felt like, w-well, a lot longer than six years."

"Heh..."  You can't say whether it felt like _exactly_ six years, because you didn't even know about that number until now.  As for how you felt two months ago, you really can't remember how you felt back then.  "So, be honest, you forgive me yet?"

Alphys looks away.  "Not completely," she mutters.

"Okay good.  Glad you were honest."

You grin at her, but it may be too dark for her to see your face.  She's not looking at you anyway.  She smiles.  "Honestly, there's a part of me that still hates you."

Understandable.  There's a part of you that still hates you too.  "And apologizing again wouldn't help I imagine."

"No.  I just need time.  But... I think trying to forgive you is helping me forgive myself, little by little."

"For what?" you ask.

"Ugh, I'm not... ready to talk about it yet.  I already got through this with Undyne and it... wasn't fun.  I had to tell her about... the stuff I've done b-because, she deserves to know..."  Alphys trails off and sighs.  "I'll give it to you in short, I've... experimented, more than I should.  And it didn't always go well.  I got too cocky after Mettaton.  We had this deal that I'd give him what he wanted if he'd be my guinea pig.  I'm trusting you not to tell anyone about this."

"Not interested in getting you in trouble."  A harsh gust of wind chills you right to the bone.  “Cmon.  Garbage goes out here.”

You turn back around and keep walking.  Alphys follows closely behind you.  "Okay so, I...  I...  It worked.  Kind of.  I made a lot of mistakes, but overall... he wasn't dead.  So I... continued, doing things I was too young and too inexperienced to try.  I was stupid.  And the more I failed the more I kept trying to fix things and the worse they got."  She takes a moment to catch her breath.  "Undyne was... a little weirded out when I told her everything, and... I was worried she'd be angry at me for not being honest with her.  But she just said she was glad I got that all off my chest.  I really appreciate that, she's... predictable, yknow?  Where... oh where was I even going with this."

"Valuable life lessons learned from trauma?" you ask.

"Yeah... I'm trying to let it all go and move on for good.  Being angry at you reminded me th-that I'm not the only one who can screw up.  But... you've been trying.  I n-never expected to hear from you again, you know."

"Wow, you and Undyne both, you expect so little of me."

"I'm sorry."

"Whoa no, self-forgiveness Alph.  Forgive yourself."

"Ha..."  Alphys laughs a sad little laugh.  "You can't just undo six years of bitterness but... I don't think it's gonna last forever.  Wh-who knows, I might even get over my abandonment issues someday!"

"That's the spirit."

"Yeah.  I know, a lot of what happened wasn't your fault, so I'm not ruling out the chance of complete forgiveness someday.  But... I appreciate knowing that there's someone who has to try like I do."

You dump the trash in the trash.  You consider crawling in it yourself, but Toriel’s inside, and she might not find that too attractive.  You turn back to your house, to Alphys.  "I'm learning to forgive myself too," you say, clapping her on the shoulder.  Alphys winces.  "We're still a team, still working through the same shit together."

She moves away from your touch.  "We should get inside," she says.  "I don't wanna keep... d-dampening up the mood."

"Aw, cheer up."

“No better way to cheer up than with Princess Tutu...”  Alphys laughs.  “You know what, getting sad vicariously is so much better than brooding!  That’s why I love crying over cartoons!”

You open your mouth, but you’re quickly distracted by a pair of headlights stabbing the darkness.  Looks like Undies has arrived and the fun can really start.  Undies is here, Toriel is inside, sure as hell should be a grand time.

☠☠☠

In a couple days, Toriel prepares to leave again.  Not to the Ruins this time, she’s making another visit to the Capital.

“You sure you don’t want me to come with?” you ask, again, for the fifth time, you think.

“You have to work.  And please do not tell Papyrus, he has been asking me for weeks if he could come with me to see Frisk.”

“We should all make a visit,” you say.  “All of us take a trip together and meet up with ‘em again.  The six of us.”

“The six of us?” Toriel raises an incredulous eyebrow.  “Who is the six of us?”

“You, me ‘n Papyrus, Alphys and Undyne and Asgore.  Like last time.”

“You make it sound as though we are some sort of team,” Toriel sighs tiredly.  “When most of us barely know each other.”

“Hey, I know all of you.  And Frisk, Frisk knows all of you.  That’s what’s important.  And we’re all kinda Frisk’s unofficial family now.  Least that’s how the kid sees us.  You sure you can’t make this visit on a different day?”

“Perhaps.  This won’t be the last time I visit them.  I will say hello for all of you.”

You promised the kid you’d watch over them, it’s been over a month and you haven’t said a word.  Toriel got the contact info for their current home, it’s been hard to talk to them since they physically _can’t_ talk, but she’s been in contact with their guardians.  Making sure Frisk is taken care of.  Arranging visits.

She wants to deliver Frisk’s new phone and the Toriel plushie in person.  You regret you won’t be around to see the handing over of the Toriel plushie, but Toriel herself promised to take pictures.  “Oh, one last thing,” she adds.

“Mm?”

“I will be meeting up with Alphys on my way in.”

“Whoa, _what?_  Are you sure about that?”

“She’s in the area.”

“Ok, _first of all.”_  You count on your fingers.  Where to start?  “You’re gonna drive through _Hotland?”_

“No, she is meeting me in the Capital.”

“‘Kay good....  Also, uhh, Alph can get really... nervous around people she doesn’t know well.”   _Especially people she finds cute._  “She might freak out if she visits a foster home full of strangers.  Anxiety and shit...”

“Well then, that’s a thing we have in common.  Both of us are ready to leave our comfort zones and take on more than what we are prepared for.  This will either be a growing and bonding experience or end terribly, we shall see.”

Two people with social anxiety embarking on an adventure, that’s not what you predicted, not so soon.  Alphys and Toriel didn’t even say much to each other once Undyne arrived, when Toriel decided out of the blue that she needed to leave right away because she had very pressing unspecified matters to take care of.  Undyne didn’t say so much as hi.  Once Toriel cleared her space on the couch Undyne jumped onto it, happy Toriel had left it warm for her, and Alphys started Princess Tutu.  The opening theme was so relaxing you fell asleep.  You woke up five hours later to the sound of Alphys sobbing in Undyne’s arms, Undyne’s face like steel, declaring she wouldn’t cry, not this time.

“So, guess you and Alphys have been talking,” you say.  “Sharing backstories, bonding over shared public anxiety attacks—”

“Oh no, none of that.  We talked about memes.”  Toriel’s face brightens.  “She taught me a lot!  I learned about the memes of today, apparently the ones I was into were appallingly outdated.  Can you believe ‘Crave That Mineral’ is no longer in common usage?  Such a shame, it was one of my favorites.  Though our good friend Pepe the Frog is a timeless character, and rickrolling never goes out of style!  I am learning, Sans, how to be more hip.”

“Oh geez...”  You feel your face reddening.  Your shoulders shake with snorts.  “Tori, there’s something artful about retro memes.  You don’t gotta be ashamed of liking memes that have gone out of style.”

“Oh, I know, I still appreciate them, but it is good to know the difference.”

This is the woman you fell in love with.  She still knows nothing about Alphys’s story except the details you filled her in on.  Your experience as college roomies, how she gifted you the rubber bands; you told her because you wanted her to know she’s a great friend.  So, despite whatever shady business Alphys has gotten into in the past, Toriel can know she’s a well-meaning person.

Toriel looks at her watch and announces she must be going now.  You walk her to the door, she continues to the one car parked in front of your garage.  She may not have a house yet, but she has a car.  In her own private vehicle, she can travel in comfort.  She’s like your opposite in that sense, closed spaces make you feel trapped while they make her feel freer and more relaxed.

You don’t tell Papyrus where Tori is, because you’re good at keeping secrets.  You pour your heart out to the kids who visit your hotdog stand, telling them you miss a special someone.  “Your girlfriend?” a kid asks, you serve them a hotdog and don’t tell them they’re wrong, it’s Frisk.  Watching kids run around with hotdogs on their heads reminds you of them.  Your special little anomaly.

Toriel texts you three hours later to tell you she and Alphys met up.  She adds that she regrets she couldn’t meet up in Hotland instead and say hi to Alphys’s handsome roommate.  Someday, she says, and maybe you’ll be there, too.

Frisk would like that, you think, if Mettaton could join in for a family reunion.  You know next to nothing about the guy, but he likes Papyrus, so that’s enough for you.

Toriel texts you pictures throughout the day, selfies with Frisk, some with Alphys and Frisk, updates on their day.  They visit an ice cream shop.  Frisk says hi you stupid doodoo butt.  They seem happy.

Alphys leaves early.  She has things to do at home, she claims, though you suspect she’s just burnt out.  You don’t ask her how it went.  If she wants to talk about it, she’ll text you first.

Toriel sends you Frisk’s new phone number.  You don’t have time to text something snarky before you get a video call.

You answer it.  Frisk and Toriel’s fuzzy faces crowd the screen.  They’re both smiling.

“You, kid,” you tell them, “are spoiled rotten.”

Toriel’s smile turns into a frown.  “I am not sure how fair that is to say.”

Frisk just nods.  “How you been, kiddo?” you ask.

 _‘Ok,’_ Frisk answers.  They glance up at Toriel, then back at your screen image.  That’s nonverbal for _we gotta talk later about stuff she won’t understand._

“Welp, how’s _this_ world treating you?”

Toriel looks puzzled.  Frisk answers that it’s been hard, but they’re pulling through.  They miss all their friends in Snowdin and Waterfall.  “I’ll send you all my contacts,” you say.  “Bet you know every one of them you sneaky poopmaster.”

_‘That’s legendary fart master to you.’_

You talk for an hour until Toriel announces that the phone is running out of batteries, and Frisk needs to be getting home soon.  You wait a little bit before you text the kid, when you’re sure Toriel isn’t looking over their shoulder.

 

_*alright kiddo whats up  
*any new developments in the underground?_

_*no_

_*they speak  
*friskers mcwhiskers.  frisky disky.  risky frisk_

_*thats me B|_

_*eyyyy.  
*so young and already emoting._

_*-_-_

_*that looks like you_

_*realy?  
*have u been waching me?_

_*been doing all I can._

_*is toriel ur girl friend now_

_*yep.  is this a surprise_

_*no  
*did u get maried yet?_

_*nah dont worry we wouldnt get married and not invite you  
*quick question: is this a thing that happened in any of the versions of time you went through?_

_*u didnt get maried but u were good frends and u might have been in love  
*it was hard to tell_

_*nice to know we met. but why is this the only version of events i dont know anything about_

_*i dont kno_

_*its ok kid  
*you seemed like you wanted to talk behind your moms back whats this about_

_*i dont kno what to do now  
*im stil looking for my friend but i think hes dead_

_*whoa slow down there  
*someone from the underground?  where did they live?_

_*no where_  
_*i thot id meet him if i got every1 together_  
 _*u and papirus and alfis and undin and assgore and toriel_

_*assgore_

_*his name is funny_

_*im laughing, youve got a real sense of humor kid_

_*i hav a sans of humor  
*B|_

_*oh my god youre good keep being you_

_*usually when every1 met then my frend would show up_   
_*but he didnt_   
_*his name is flowey_   
_*he hates you. he calls u smily trashbag_

_*nice.  whatd i ever do to him_

_*figured out he had powers and stoped him from ruining time lines_

_*heh_   
_*so thats why you got us all in one place.  makes sense now._   
_*and you figure if he didnt show up that can only mean hes dead._   
_*are you sure about that?_

_*i asked toriel  
*he died and i dont think hes comming back_

_*? does this friend usually come back to life  
*how would toriel know_

_*becaus be4 he died he was asriel_

You don’t have enough time to digest this new information before Toriel texts you,

 

_*Why is Frisk crying?_

 

You feel a chill.  In another version of time, Toriel’s kid came back to life and became an evil flower, and if the impossible could happen even here, does this mean Asriel Dreemurr could be alive somewhere?  Nah, that’s a stretch.  The only impossible things happen in people’s heads in this world.

You can’t remember a thing about Flowey.  As far as Toriel knows, her kids are dead and gone forever.  Alphys texts you a few minutes later.

 

_*frisk is asking if i ever did weird science experiments with flowers?? wtf??? @_@_

 

Alphys you fuck, you think, of course she’d be responsible for the creation of a reincarnated psychopathic flower in an alternate dimension.  Amazing how quickly the pieces are fitting together, but you’ve always been good at surveying the whole picture.  Watching from the sidelines, as always.

Toriel asks you to give Frisk’s phone number to everyone.  You forward it to... everyone.  Papyrus, Undyne (who already got it from Alphys), the Grillby’s regulars, Aaron the creepy winky face guy in Waterfall, Woshua the janitor, Bob (AKA: Temmie), the librarby ladies, Napstablook (how their name wound up in your contacts you have no idea; they got Frisk’s number from Undyne already and they feel very popular now with two people texting them in the same day), and lastly, Asgore.

 

_*Thank you._

_*ur welcome my fly giant guy_

_*Undyne, Alphys, and Toriel already sent me Frisk’s phone number and Skype, but I appreciate it all the same._

_*anything for you big dude  
*you hear from the kid yet?_

_*As a matter of fact I had lunch with them last week.  We meet regularly._

_*cool  
*so undies wants you to adopt them? thats a thing_

_*Undyne?_

_*yeah undies_

_*I assure you everything is going to be resolved._

_*k whats that mean_

_*Frisk will have a proper home.  They are being well taken care of._

_*so you adopting them or not?_

_*It’s being worked out._

_*k you dont wanna answer i respect that over and out_

 

Wow, his ex wife indirectly proposes to you and he already hates your guts, what a bitch.  You miss being reluctant BFFs.  Or maybe he’s like that with everyone on the subject, doesn’t wanna talk about it, you can’t tell because, as you thought, you can’t read anything from his texts.  And you don’t think you’ll be seeing his face any time in the near future.

He reminds you a bit of Toriel when she’s upset.  Stony and unreadable.  They have so much in common.  You wonder if they’ve picked up each other’s mannerisms from living with each other over a decade.  Or if you’re reading too much into it and making all sorts of comparisons in your head.  Overthinking everything, like you always do.

Frisk texts you, overwhelmed at how many messages they’re getting.  They wish they could talk to everyone at once, but they can’t type that fast.  Your conversation about Flowey the Flower gets put on hold as they try to say hi to everyone.

Toriel gets home late.  She doesn’t visit first; she goes straight to bed.  She had a great day, but she’s tired.  Papyrus is a little miffed that she didn’t tell him she was visiting Frisk, and she’s not in the mood to deal with him until she’s had her rest.

He’s been texting Frisk, but he tells you replies have been slow.  You let him know it’s because Frisk is a slow typist and also talking to all their friends at once.

Frisk misses everyone, and your friends miss Frisk.  Papyrus tells you that MK’s been asking about them, they find it extremely unfair that they need to borrow their mom’s cellphone to text them.  MK wants their own phone.  Having no arms makes it extra difficult to text.  They need their mom’s help with that, too.

“Heh, they need what Mettaton’s got,” you tell Papyrus.  “Really good prosthetics and a smart house.”

“Monster Kid’s a big fan of Mettaton!” Papyrus says.  “I showed them some of his age-appropriate videos and, you have no idea what it means to see a celebrity just like them!  Now MK wants to be a star!”

“That’s adorable.  Know any celebrities with OI?  Maybe then I’d wanna be a famous actor too.”

You wink.  Papyrus says he’ll try to find someone.  He’ll find a celebrity for every obscure disability.  Because celebrities make disability _sexy._  He actually gets out his computer to do his research, he’s so pure.

What Monster Kid needs, you think, is Alphys.  Everyone needs Alphys in their lives.  You can tell her that all you want, you think, but she’ll never believe you.  You’ve got good people in your life, but you’ve always known that.

Your phone buzzes, and speak of the devil:

 

_*lol i made a total fool of myself today.  
*TORIEL IS RLLY CUTE AND UR LUCKY_

 

You’re so tired, and too distracted by all your friends to move.  Amazing, you realize, you haven’t felt depressed since your life became busy again.  Then again, the meds mighta had something to do with that.  Or it’s everything, really, the meds, your lifestyle adjustments, your friends.  Yep, that seems most likely, it’s everything.

☠☠☠

Undyne buys Papyrus a new scarf.  She owed him one, she says, because his old one got destroyed in the fire that she started.  She gifts it to him on her next visit by trying to strangle him with it.  You love your family so much.

It’s definitely scarf weather, Undies was real thoughtful to give him a new scarf now that he’d need it.  You could probably use a new scarf, too.  You’ll need a new calendar too; you’re running out of sexy skeletons.

The change in the weather is really messing up your bones, you think.  Toriel complains when you tell her that, _she’s_ the old lady, she’s supposed to be the one who feels the weather in her bones.  Though in all seriousness, she’s worried about you.  She doesn’t like that you stand for hours in the chilly wind every day to sell hotdogs.  And it isn’t even winter yet; temperatures haven’t reached below freezing but when they do, you’ll turn into a tiny popsicle.

“You work too much,” she tells you.

“Eh...”

“Do you still really need two jobs now that Papyrus is working as well?”

You shrug.  “I like running a hotdog stand,” you say.  “My second job doesn’t allow for much social interaction, but it pays better.”

“Then you need a new job.”

You do, she’s right, but you’re too tired to search for one.  Growing up you were smart enough to do anything you wanted, that’s what you were told, by the teachers who didn’t hate you.  But you flushed your options down the toilet because of shitty parenting.  Maybe if the old man didn’t pressure you you coulda done something like what Alphys does, or maybe you would have wound up exactly where you are now because you’re just lazy by nature.  Or maybe if you were medicated in your childhood you would have worked harder.  You can’t know.

You ask Papyrus later that day, “What should I be when I grow up?”

“Sans I am sorry to tell you this but I don’t think you will be growing any more.”

“I’m killin’ myself at the stand...  Gotta stand at the stand... can’t stand it anymore.”  You sigh deeply.  You take a deep swig of ketchup.  “My bones, they’re giving out.  I’m too old for this.  I can’t quit my second job, not unless we wanna give up some luxuries, ‘specially since winter’s coming up an’ we’ll needa pay the heating bill...  ‘M so tired bro, what’m I supposed to do, keep my boring desk job forever?  This is killin’ all my unused potential.”

You sink deep into the couch.  “Marry Toriel really fast,” Papyrus advises seriously.  “Then you won’t have to work another day in your life!”

“Whoa man, never thought you’d support me bein’ a gold digger...”

“Are you?”

“I dunno, Toriel already might have a kid to support.  What do I do.”

You hear a door upstairs bang open.  “BE!” a voice screams, “A MATH TEACHER!!”

Undyne bursts out of the bathroom.  “You’re here?” you ask vaguely.

Undyne leaps over the railing and lands hard on the floor.  The couch vibrates under you.  “I TOLD YOU THIS LAST SPRING, YOU’RE A GOOD TEACHER!”

“How did your feet survive that.”

She lunges over to you.  “LISTEN, I’M SUBSTITUTING AS A GYM TEACHER RIGHT NOW.  THE EIGHTH GRADE MATH TEACHER AT THAT SCHOOL’S AN OLD GEEZER WHO WANTS TO QUIT SOON.  APPLY FOR THE JOB.”

“Uhh.”  Undyne’s panting heavily.  “Not sure I meet the qualifications.”

“SO!” Undyne grabs you by the collar.  She lifts you up.  “GET QUALIFIED!!”

“Why are you still here.”

Her eye narrows to a squint.  “Stop changing the subject.”

“Toriel wanted me to be a teacher, too.”

 _“Fuck_ Toriel.”

“You ‘n Alphys both, lemme keep my private life private, ‘kay?”

Undyne finally puts you down.  “You like kids, right?” she asks.  “Social interaction, and you’ll get to give them _homework._  Just imagine, you’ll be a royal terror.”

Suddenly this prospect seems very appealing.  “I want to see Sans get punished,” Papyrus says, “for the hell he wrought in middle school.”

“The hell I wrought in high school was worse.”

“Okay, but high school deserved it a little!  Middle school didn’t give you a violent panic attack.”

“That was the drugs, not school.”

Undyne looks back and forth between you two.  She clears her throat.  “Yeah,” she says.  “Everyone wins!  The hell of middle school or whatever—”

“Eleventh grade.  Alph and I decided eleventh grade’s collectively the worst year for everyone.  Pap, what was your worst year?”

“What was the year I had that thing with Jenny that I don’t wanna talk about—”  He looks off into space.  He shudders.  “Wowie, eleventh grade...”

Undyne scowls.  “Hey, eleventh grade was when I met Alphys.  Junior year is— Hey, before junior year of college was when I met Papyrus, too!”  You see instinct taking over as Papyrus dodges before she can noogie him.  He dives off the couch and rolls away on the floor.  You watch the struggle in Undyne’s eye as she decides whether or not to pounce.  She doesn’t.

“So!  Sans, the teacher job, what do you think?”

Papyrus looks up at you expectantly from the floor.  You know exactly how to respond to these types of questions, a noncommittal “Okay.”

Your lack of enthusiasm makes her deflate a little.  “You say that now, but Imma keep bugging you.”

“Cool.  Hey, it’s good you’re here, there was something I wanted to ask you.  I know things are still awkward between the two of you but, speaking of fucking Toriel...”  You pause for a reaction.  Undyne just furrows her eyebrows.  Papyrus is too jaded by your bullshit to move from the floor.  “She’s moving into her new house soon.  Could you bring your biceps and help her move in?”

“OH!”  Now Papyrus jumps up from the floor.  He grabs Undyne’s arm.  “THAT’S!  WHAT I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU!  I forgot.”

“Uhh...”  Undyne grimaces.  “Sure...?  If I’m not busy.”  You grin.  “What, just because I think Asgore’s a healthier parent for Frisk doesn’t mean I wanna sabotage her move!”

“I didn’t say anything.”

She runs a hand over her half chrome dome.  It’s so shiny.  Freshly shaved.  “Everything’s... good.  Everything’s okay, and all I want is for everyone to be _happy.”_

You shift aside on the couch to make room for her.  “You wanna talk about it?”

“Nnnngah!  No!”  Papyrus quickly shoves her onto the couch while her attention is on you.  She falls forward and growls into the cushions.  Papyrus takes a seat next to her and pats her back.

You cross your bad leg over your other and pat her back with Papyrus.  “You talked to Frisk, right?  I think Frisk gets a say in who they wanna live with more than anyone.”

Undyne lifts her head.  To your surprise, she makes no attempts to throw you off.  “You think that’s the first thing I’m gonna spring on the kid?  I didn’t bring it up.”

You’re impressed.  You’re also not sure why she seems so tired when a second ago she almost literally bouncing off the wall.  Too much sugar, you suppose.  But she and Frisk just talked about the usual, with Undyne asking about Frisk’s welfare and teaching them how to beat up bullies, and Frisk asking many intrusive questions about her relationship with Alphys.

“I for one want Frisk to live here.”  You smile.  You miss that kid.

“Me too,” Papyrus says.  He heaves a dramatic sigh.  “Why can’t we all find a way to live in one big house!”

You share a look with Undies.  “Anyway!” she says.

“Yeah, ya didn’t answer my question, the heck are you doing here.”

“She is here because she’s our _friend!”_ yells Papyrus.

“WRONG!  I had a stomach ache and Papyrus’s toilet was closer than mine!”

“Oh.  That’s a pain.  You don’t uh, look very sick, though.”

“I was an hour ago!  But I shat it all out!  Don’t uhh...”  She smiles guiltily.  “You might not wanna use that bathroom or go anywhere near it for a while.”

Papyrus grimaces.  You resume patting Undies on the back.  Papyrus gets up, brings her a glass of water, tells her to rehydrate.  She downs the glass.  He feels her forehead, she hisses angrily.  “Still no fever,” he announces.

“You eat something weird, Undies?” you ask.

“No I just thought of your FACE.”

“Oh my god are you pregnant.”

Papyrus’s hands fly to his mouth.  “NO!  YOU PROMISED!”

“What the fuck!  No!”  Undyne finally flips over into a normal sitting position.  “Yeah major _fucking plot twist,_ I’m having a baby!  Just gave birth to half my bodyweight in liquid—”

“Oooh, I get it!”  Papyrus nods sagely.  “All monthly hygiene products are still under the bathroom sink!  I bought more tampons since we seemed to be running low.”

“That’s not it!!”

You’re filled to bursting with endearment, your brother is so sweet, so thoughtful, he keeps tampons under the sink for his best friend.  Later, much later, after the smell of all the febreeze Papyrus sprays is fading and you’re no longer choking on the chemicals, you open the cabinet and check it out.  Indeed, there’s a grocery bag tied neatly in there, you open it up and discover why Papyrus never told you about this.  He keeps a few bars of chocolate hidden in here.  You steal one, tie the bag back up, and put it back exactly where you found it.  No one will be ever the wiser.

You’re neutral about sweets, they’re only great with loving intent behind them.  But Toriel loves sweets, so you present them to her before moving day.  “A sweet for... fuck I was gonna say something like, a sweet for my...”  You cover your face with one hand, it’s hot enough to melt to chocolate.  You laugh anyway.  “A sweet for my sweetie?  I couldn’t—”  You wheeze.  “I couldn’t even say that ironically, holy shit...”

You hold out the chocolate and give yourself a second to recover yourself.  Toriel gently takes it from your hand and says, “It’s alright, dear.  It would not be the sappiest thing you have said to me.  And trust me, I have heard and said worse.”

Her mouth twitches into a reluctant smile.  You uncover your face to watch her unwrap the chocolate.  “Not to be redundant but, how _sweet_ of you.”

“Yep, saw it and I had to get it for you, at the candy aisle they were like, hope all the _menses_ this so...”  Fuck, what were all the jokes you had to hold in your throat back at your house?  Toriel looks confused.  There were certain lines you couldn’t cross, especially since Toriel would be pissed if she found out.  “The men... sees...”

“Um, why, is this... special chocolate?”

 _“Bloody_ special, yep...”

“I fail to—”

“Hey, nothing to worry about, _period.”_  You clutch your stomach.  Toriel frowns.

“I do not know if I want to eat this now.”

“Don’t _ovary_ act!”

“I appreciate your compassion dear but it is a little early for that.”  Toriel pats your head.  “I do think I will have it now, though.  Would you like a piece?”

You open your mouth.  She breaks off a piece and pops it in.  “Speaking of blood,” you say as you chew, “Undies and Papyrus are comin’ over tomorrow to help unpack stuff.”

“Undies... speaking of blood...  Sans, I do not know if I feel completely comfortable making puns at the expense of others.”

“Oh.  Heh, that completely _slipped.”_

Toriel reluctantly chuckles.  She says she’ll keep the rest of the chocolate in her _drawers_ for later.  Tomorrow she’ll be transferring to her new drawers, some of them, at least.  Most of the furniture is going to stay in the Ruins.  She’ll need to shop for the rest of it, and she’s not sure yet whether or not to shop for Frisk.

Undyne winds up bailing at the last minute.  She says she’s busy.  Papyrus is disappointed but he takes her word for it.  You’re skeptical, but when you bring up the possibility that Undyne just wants to avoid her, Papyrus declares your skepticism is invalid.

“Undyne doesn’t run from anything!  Believe me, if she saw Toriel as a problem, she would be throwing herself at her.”

You guess he has a point, and besides, as well as you can read people, he knows his best friend better than you do.  So you sit and watch as Papyrus lifts and helps unpack boxes, feeling kind of useless.  You can’t do heavy lifting.  You’re not sure why you’re even here.  Moral support?  Toriel keeps thanking Papyrus, telling him he’s very kind, he really didn’t have to, she can offer to pay him for his services.

“I would never ask for anything in return!” Papyrus says, and you don’t say out loud that Tori is paying him what’s worth most to him: praise.

“You can give me the money and I’ll buy him something nice with it,” you mutter.  “He wants a car.”

“As much as I appreciate his help, I do not think this service is quite worth a car.”

“I’ve been saving up.”

You mutter too quietly for Toriel to hear that time.  She stands up, wiping the sweat off her forehead, unhappily surveying a huge stack of boxes piled in the hallway.  They’re filled with books, and Toriel can’t put them away until her bookshelves get built.

The house is far from finished.  The electricity mostly works, there’s proper heating, but it’s dusty, messy, unpainted, and definitely not suitable to raise a child in yet.  Too early for living in your opinion, but being basically homeless, Tori wanted to move in as soon as she could.

Papyrus spends all day helping out.  Tori impresses him with her heavy lifting.  You’d never heard her grunt and heft like this, it’s kind of cute to see her with her sleeves rolled up, her hair tied back, giving Papyrus instructions while carrying twice what he can.  He gives you a couple odd jobs to make you useful, like putting away the linen and silverware.

At nine he finishes making the bed, and Toriel tells him to go home and rest.  “I did not expect anything to be finished in a day,” she says kindly.  “But we have gotten done much more than I expected!  We did excellent!”

“We sure did!  Though, I have no doubt we would have finished today if Undyne were here.”  You don’t doubt that either.  With her help, you woulda finished by noon.  “So, I’ll be here tomorrow then, after work.”

“Thank you again for all your help.”

“It was no problem.  Sans?”  He looks at you, wordlessly prompting you to get up and join him.

“Go on ahead,” you tell him.  “I’ll uh, catch up.”

Papyrus nods.  Toriel walks him to the door.  “Do make sure to get a good night’s sleep.”

He throws his new scarf over his face before he opens the door to the harsh wind.  “You, too.”

“Oh.  Um, yes, I will, thank you.”

Your phone buzzes seconds after he’s gone, Papyrus told you to let him know if you won’t be home tonight.  You’re glad he’s so understanding.  Toriel sighs deeply.  “Well... that was good exercise...”

She trudges up the stairs.  You follow her into her new bedroom.  She glances around the room, at the bare whitewashed walls, empty floors, the plain, dusty light bulb in the ceiling.  Not exactly the most welcoming of places.  At least the bed is nice.  Queen-sized, covered in fancy, soft looking bedspread.  Toriel sinks down on it.

“It seems this is the best I can do for now,” she says softly.  “I am glad to be out of the inn, but...”

You sink down next to her.  You gingerly touch her arm.  “It’s a big room... seems kinda lonely in here.  Want me to stay the night?”

“I would like that.”

“Make it a lil less bonely in here.”

Toriel turns to you.  “Are you serious?” she asks, looking, for some reason, concerned.  “This is not exactly the most romantic of settings...  Though, if your mind’s been made up perhaps I shouldn’t try and discourage you—”

“No Tori I wasn’t tryna make a sexual innuendo with the word ‘bonely.’”  Your mouth twitches.  Toriel laughs awkwardly.  “Look if I ever wanna have sex I’m gonna say, hey Tori, let’s have sex.  I won’t even use puns, I’ll be as direct as I can and we’ll even make a date so you can mark it off on your calendar and emotionally prepare.”  You pat her arm as you watch her eyebrows travel closer and closer to her hairline.

“You cannot blame me for assuming—”

“I get it, puns are our thing.”

“Yes.  Anyway.”  She looks away, flushing a deep pink.  “I am all gross and sweaty, how about you go home and get yourself some pajamas while I have a shower?”

It’s cold outside, but you grudgingly comply, go home, get your toothbrush and jammies, tell Papyrus you’re heading back.  Seems Toriel’s shower is working just fine, you wait outside her room until she opens the door and you smell steam and powerful lavender-scented shampoo.

You walk in, Toriel stands there in her nightgown, running a brush through her hair, and through the steam, you can see a hazy glimpse of purple walls, a plush carpet, decorations, furniture, and—

After a second, it vanishes, but you felt it for a moment, and suddenly, the room looks less dead.  Less empty.  You think you can have a future here.

When you focus just on Toriel, it feels like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone get the 3rd of october joke? it's an FMA reference.
> 
> Finally Flowey is mentioned!! I'm sure a lot of people have been wondering if there was going to be a Flowey in this universe, more on him soon. Flowey and Asriel and Frisk. I want the end of the story to focus on Frisk. I won't say now if a Flowey exists in this world yet, but what I will say is that the two things Sans doesn't remember from the canon timelines is 1) the pacifist ending and 2) Flowey.  
> and i suppose he doesnt remember anything about gaster either, but no one did in canon anyway.
> 
> This probably concludes the deal with Sans's depression. It's up and down, he does better when he's busy and when he spends time with loved ones. Still, it's not completely predictable, but he has the reassurance that he has people to fall back on and it'll never get as bad as it once did. There isn't much left to say about it.
> 
> This chapter was awful?? it had no discernable plot i promise the next one will be better, literally 98% of this chapter could be taken out and it wouldn't affect the plot at all but if I'm gonna post the next chapter in 2 days Imma need ppl to comment to encourage me to do the VERY BEST I CAN DO. thank u


	35. Feeling Fishy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you're gonna hate undies and then feel bad about hating undies and then forget all about undies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTICE:: THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER!! THERE'S ANOTHER CHAPTER AFTER THIS, AND IT'S GOING TO BE VERY LONG. Which means this is probably the last update we'll have in a while before I finish the very lengthy conclusion. and even that i might have to split in two, who knows. For further confirmation, check the updated chapter count.
> 
> AND OF COURSE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNDERTALE!

“Put it in, Sans!”

“I’m trying, Tori—”

“You need to squeeze harder—”

An earsplitting _crack_ echoes off the walls as the walnut you were trying to open shatters into the batter.  

“Looks like I just busted a nut.”

“Nuttin’ could be worse than this, Sans.”  

You crack up.  Then you crack more nuts.  Day four, the kitchen’s clean enough to cook in.  You and Toriel went shopping, stocked up on ingredients, and now, it’s time to profit.  Toriel could only find one of her aprons in the boxes, so she gave it to you.  You’re disappointed it doesn’t have a pun on it but boy do you look sexy in paisley.

“I’ve been defloured,” Toriel sighs, gazing down at the flour covering her front.

“Did I pop your cherry?”  You pick up a cherry from the counter.

“Oh, those don’t go in the batter!  They should be in the refrigerator, really.”

You carry the bag to the fridge, the giant fridge, which isn’t as full as it should be.  “Someday, I am going to extend this kitchen,” Toriel says.  “With at least two skylights and many, many windows.  And more counter space, of course... What color should I do the countertops?”

“Ask Frisk.”

Toriel purses her lips.  “I will have to see about that.”

She pours the batter into a 9x13 inch pan and lovingly sticks it in the oven.  “Oh yeah, put it in, that’s hot,” you say, Toriel smiles but rolls her eyes.

After she closes the oven, the doorbell rings.  “Great timing,” you say.

“Very considerate!  It’s probably Barbara.”

“The heck is Barbara?”

“Barbara the librarbian... Sans I am appalled that you have lived here for six years and you have not learned anyone’s names.  Is there a single person in this town aside from your brother whose name you knew?”

“There’s Undyne—”

“She does not live in Snowdin.  Well, I do not want to keep anyone waiting...”  She dusts her hands on her powdery skirt and heads to the front door.  You take a seat (newly assembled from Ikea) and wait.

“Hello,” Toriel’s voice drifts from the front hall.

“Hii!!”  Fuck, that’s not Barbara.  “Sorry I couldn’t make it to help out the other day!  Congratulations on moving in!”

The pitch and tone of that voice is saccharine enough to give you diabetes.  You remove yourself from your chair and join Toriel in the hall where you see Undyne standing at the door with the widest of piranha grins on her face and a pretty box in her hands.  “Have a housewarming gift!”

“Erm.  Thank you.”

Toriel takes the box.  Undyne’s eye spins and lands on you, freezing you in place.  “Saaans!  Nice to see you!”

“Hhhhh?”

“So!”  Undyne clasps her hands.  “Wanna show me your new place?”

“Al...right.”  Toriel stands aside.  “It isn’t quite finished yet, but um... here is the front hall...”

“You came just in time Undies, we just put in a batch of walnut brownies.”

“Oh, yes we did!”  Toriel smiles.  “If you would care to stick around for another half hour or so, the brownies will be ready then.”

“Sounds peachy!”

Something’s up, something’s _very_ up and you don’t need your powers of perception to see that.  Your phone rings from the kitchen counter.  You excuse yourself to go get it.

It’s Papyrus, you swipe it and his voice screams before you can put the phone to your ear.  “SANS I NEED YOU HOME NOW, IT’S AN EMERGENCY!”

“What.”  You carry your phone to the hall.  “What’s going on.”

“JUST COME QUICK!”

“Is that Papyrus?” Undyne asks.

“Yeah, he needs me home right now and uhh, sounds like he’s in trouble?  You might uh, wanna come with, it sounds serious.”

“NO, COME ALONE!” Papyrus shouts.  “I JUST NEED YOU!”

“Okay, nevermind...”  Undyne seems concerned.  “I’ll be back, I hope.”

You walk to the door.  “Wait,” Undyne interjects, “is he okay?  Maybe I should—”

“Nah, I’m uhh—”

“HURRY UP, LAZYBONES!”

“Have a good time, ladies.”  You salute and walk out the door.  Papyrus hangs up.  At the corner to Evergreen lane you see him walking right towards you.

“Uhhh...”

“Sans!  Good, you’re here!  And Undyne is at Toriel’s house, it’s all going according to plan!”

“What.”

Papyrus drops his voice.  “I think they have things they need to... _talk_ about.  Undyne has her grudges and Toriel has her traumatic past, I think this is a great time to have a conversation and resolve their issues!”

“A terrible idea,” you say.  Papyrus’s proud grin doesn’t falter, but he narrows his eyes at you.  “You got me out of the house, this means we can’t eavesdrop.”

“Of _course_ we’re going to eavesdrop.  Let’s go.  And keep it down!”

He’s sure one to talk.  Toriel’s door is shut, so Papyrus runs and dives into to the bushes at the side of the house.  Passersby stare.  You amble over to where he’s crouched.  “Yo, you’re terrible at stealth.”

“I’m great at everything!” he whispers.  “Why aren’t there any windows open?”

“Probably ‘cause it’s forty effin’ degrees out.”  You seat yourself behind his bush.  “But if everything goes wrong, we’ll hear it.”

Papyrus tenses as he listens.  You lean against the wall.  A quiet minute goes by.  “I guess it’s going well, then!” Papyrus says.

You hear footsteps going toward the kitchen.  You perk your ears, but the voice you hear is so muted you can’t even tell whose it is.  Then, the footsteps leave, walk toward what you think is the living room.  “They’re walking!” Papyrus whispers very loudly.

“That they are, bro.”

“Sans, _whisper!”_

Your talking voice is quieter than his whispering, but you shut up to appease him.  You wait two more minutes, five more minutes, then, “SO THAT’S IT?  YOU THINK THAT’S AN EXCUSE?”

You close your eyes and sigh.  You don’t hear Toriel’s response but a few seconds later, “YOU DESTROYED HIM!  YOU THINK TELLING HIM HE DIDN’T MURDER ASRIEL MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER?!”  Another pause.  “FOR FUCK’S SAKE JUST ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG!”

“Perhaps we should... intervene?” Papyrus whispers while Toriel responds.

“I’m not gettin’ between that.”

“YES IT DOES!  IT _DOES_ HAVE TO DO WITH ME!  IT HAS TO DO WITH _EVERYONE_ YOU SCREWED UP!”

You shudder.  You know Toriel’s capable of raising her voice, but she doesn’t.  “I HEARD YOU CALLING ASGORE A COWARD FOR RESIGNING, AREN’T YOU A HYPOCRITE!  YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST RUN AND START OVER AND GUILT HIM FOR TRYING TO DO THE SAME!”

You hear a few loud thumps.  “PUT THAT DOWN.”  You finally hear her.

“HOW DO I KNOW.  GIVE ME ONE REASON TO BELIEVE SANS ISN’T NEXT.”  Pause.  “YOU’RE NOT GONNA DROP-KICK SANS’S ASS BACK INTO CRIPPLING DEPRESSION?”

“Why me,” you mutter.

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!”

“OUT,” Toriel’s voice yells.  “If I am not safe inside my house I will have no choice but to leave it for a while.  If you do not put that down and walk out the door before I count to ten I am calling the police!”

 _Cold._  “Go Toriel,” you whisper.  You hear a loud _clunk_ of something falling to the floor.  The front door flies open.  Papyrus hops out of the bush and runs to the front of the house.  You get up and follow him.

“What... what happened?”

Undyne’s eye widens, then she turns away from him.  She walks down the driveway, her shoulders hunched.  “Wait!”  Papyrus runs after her.  “Undyne, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“What _happened?”_

“NOTHING!” Undyne shrieks.  

“Hey,” you say, running to catch up with her, “we—”

“Shut your damn mouth.”

“Undyne—” Papyrus begins.  She whirls around.

“If he says anything we’re gonna wind up fighting again!”

You stop walking.  You stare ahead.  You watch Undyne keep going until she reaches her car, ignoring Papyrus completely.  She gets in and drives off.

“Welp,” you say.

“Oh, no...”

You turn around, back to the house.  Go inside, see if Toriel’s okay.  You find her in the library, picking books off the floor.  “Oh geez.  Did she throw those at you.”

“No, just on the floor.”

“I’m so sorry,” Papyrus yells, scurrying to help her, “that was awful!  I’ll make sure she apologizes!”

“No need,” Toriel says calmly.  “I don’t care very much for those books.”

“What _was_ that,” you ask, stooping to pick up Life, the Universe, and Everything.

“Oh, she wasn’t happy with the way things ended between Asgore and me, I suppose.  She just demanded to know how I could treat him the way I did and still sleep at night...”  She heaves a deep sigh.  “I’m alright with it as long as she doesn’t do it again.  I do not owe her an explanation and she does not owe me her friendship.  I’ll keep the gift, though.”

“What’d she get you?” you ask.

“A rather fancy set of knives.”

There’s only ten or so books on the floor.  Toriel places them back in their correct places.  It could have been worse.  A lot worse.  It might have gotten worse.  You don’t know.  You realize you don’t know Undyne well enough to know.  You don’t know her at all, apparently.

Toriel doesn’t act disturbed, but there’s a stiffness in her tone and movements that you recognize too well.  “Shame she had to leave before the brownies were ready,” she says.  “Well, let us not let her stop us from enjoying them!  They smell great, don’t they?”

Papyrus meekly agrees.  In a few minutes, you sit down to eat a brownie that you don’t really taste.  Toriel offers you another, you refuse.

Toriel insists she’s fine.  So you leave her alone.  Papyrus keeps promising to talk to Undyne.  “Please don’t,” Toriel insists.  “I don’t need an apology.”

“But still, she should say she’s sorry because it’s just the right thing to do!”

“I am not her mother, whether she does the right thing is not my concern.”

You help Toriel clean up the brownie mess without talking much.  You feel kinda betrayed, you thought Undyne genuinely had Frisk’s best interests at heart, but you don’t know anymore.  Seems she just wants to punish Toriel, and that’s why she wants the kid to stay in the Capital.

You wanna ask her that, _hey, you really care about Frisk?  You really care about me?  Izzat why you’re fighting her?  Or is this giving you some kind of righteous gratification?_  You’re not the confrontational type, but you’re burning with the urge to say those things.  It’s nothing compared to Papyrus though, he’s completely distraught.

“This was my fault!” he decides, pacing around the living room.  “I was the one who got them alone!  I should have stepped in earlier!”

“I think that woulda happened sooner or later,” you tell him, lying back on the couch with your laptop.

“I know, I did, too.  I completely saw that coming.”  He sighs.  “If only Toriel would have yelled back....”

“I woulda called the police before she did.  That’d be bloody.”

Papyrus agrees.  He feels awful.  He says he’s going to text Alphys and ask if she knows what to do.  “Why would you get her involved,” you ask.  “It’s not gonna do anything.  Just... let it go.”

“That was not alright!  I cannot just stand by and watch!  Undyne and Toriel need another chance to talk in a calmer setting with someone to mediate.”

You wanna tell him not to bother, but there’s no point.  You just keep working.  You’re not gonna confront anyone.  It’s got nothing to do with you.

That’s how you feel until 5am and you can’t sleep and you’re so far gone that you dig out your phone and text,

 

 _*were friends_  
_*thats a thing that was established by you_  
_*lemme preface this by saying were friends and i love you_  
_*and follow by adding that as friends it is your right to call me out on my bullshit. which is good but_  
_*it goes the other way too_  
_*imma have to call you out on this_  
_*that was uncalled for_

_*So what do you want me to do._

 

It’s 5am and you weren’t expecting a response.

 

_*try not to start a fight?  
*youre already trying to get the kid she wants to live 3 hours away from her with a man she hates thats kind of a lot_

_*If she cared about Frisk she’d agree to it today_  
_*If Asgore wanted he could adopt Frisk RIGHT NOW_  
_*He’s rich enough to bribe himself out of MONTHS of inspection.  Toriel’s house isn’t even ready to live in_  
_*SO WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT FRISK HUH_

_*clearly not asgore if he hasnt said yes_

_*It’s because he’s afraid of her!!!!!!!!  
*If you were around back then you would have been too_

_*are you?_

_*NO!!!!!!!!  
*I’m just pissed_

_*yknow asgore told me something back at new home that really gave me some food for thought_  
_*about where toriel was coming from_  
_*and why there isnt gonna be a repeat of it_  
_*think about it undies she had just miscarried_

_*I know.  I know_

_*she was suffering from postpartum depression_  
_*that plus grief_  
_*and idk what else to tell you_

_*She didn’t mention that_

_*yeah bc maybe she didnt feel like spewing her life story to you_  
_*really i have no right to be telling you since its private information but hey_  
_*i dont think im gonna try getting her pregnant so_  
_*im not all that worried_

_*I’m going to sleep_

_*alright think about it_  
_*theres a lot you dont know_  
_*theres lots i dont know either_  
_*but imma let everyone keep their pasts to themselves_

 

You don’t get an answer.  Not that night anyway, a couple hours at the hotdog stand later your phone buzzes.

 

_*I KNOW I SHOULDN’T HAVE YELLED OR THROWN BOOKS OK????????  
*GO AHEAD AND TELL ME SOME MORE IT WAS SHITTY_

_*it was shitty_

_*Papyrus thinks I should “talk things out”_  
_*I could say sorry till I’m blue in the face but_  
_*For all we know it won’t do anything_

_*eh so what  
*its the right thing to do isnt it? youre all about doing the right thing_

_*Fine.  Yeah you’re right_

 

You’re tired.  So tired.  You know it’s not going to end well.  You want to warn Toriel, but by the time you get to her house, you find out that Undyne’s already darkened her doorstep again.  This time she came to say she was sorry, overstayed her welcome, and Toriel got annoyed and kicked her out.  “So that was why Undyne was complaining about a slipper print on her butt,” Papyrus comments.

“Gee, this debacle sure is a neverending circle of uncalled for.”

You try your best to help him come to terms with the fact that some things are irreparable.  He doesn’t believe that.  But he doesn’t get it.  He’s too forgiving.  “Not everyone can be friends,” you say.

“That’s what you think!”

You see a flash of his skull falling to the cold ground as his body dissolves into dust, and you know that’s exactly the kind of mentality that got him killed in other versions of time.  “Pap,” you tell him, “let’s just say... there’s this person who’s bad.  Really bad.  Every instinct is telling you to stay away from them.  Keepin’ them around would just make things worse for everyone, ‘specially the people closest to you.  Do you extend a friendly hand?”

Papyrus bites his lip.  “I’m... I’m sorry.  I _know_ I should have listened to you when you told me about...”  He blinks hard.  “I guess back then... it _was_ the wrong thing.”

After a few seconds of confusion, you figure out what he’s blubbering about.  “Ohhh, you thought I was talking about the old man?  Nah, I’m way past that.”

“Oh.  Good.”  He perks up.  “Then... what _was_ it about?”

“Just a hypothetical question about how you’d feel about a time-traveling serial murderer.”

“I see.  I’d try to get them to... stop serial murdering?”

Yep, there’s the Papyrus you know and love and fear for every day of your life.  Thank god you’re in a different setting, with a changed Frisk, or he wouldn’t last another day.

☠☠☠

Toriel asks if you’ve been texting Frisk.  On and off, you say, overall, you’ve both been busy.  “Please try to speak to them when you get the chance,” Toriel says.  “They’ve been asking and asking about you.”  She seems troubled.  You can tell by her unsmiling face.  She tells you before you can ask.  “They told me... Undyne asked them if they would not really be happy living with Asgore.”

“Oh fuck her.”

“No thank you, dear.”  Toriel sinks into her favorite armchair.  “Sans, please, I implore you, do not pick another fight with that girl for my sake.  You know, she has been through a trauma.”

You blink.  “What.”

“Please, she saw a child she cared for _dead._  Did she not tell you the whole story?  She searched... for Asriel.”  Her voice quavers.  “After Asgore gave her a call, she searched the whole neighborhood.  Then she came back to the house and found that it was all for naught.  Anyone else would have broken down, but she could not afford to, because all the adults were breaking down around her.   _I..._ was... a mess.  If I were in my right mind, I might have checked to see if the teenager who witnessed such a scene was alright, but I was part of the scene.”  She pauses.  She looks up at you.  “I think you would know very well that trauma can make you into, as you might say, a bit of an asshole.”

“Yeah...”  You sure as hell do know that.  “But she’s taking it out on you, that’s what she’s pissed at _you_ for doing.”

“And I do not blame her one bit, as I have said.  Sans, I do believe she cared for my children... like an older sister.  I never paid her much heed, but, they did like her, too.  At least Chara most certainly did...”  The corners of her mouth tug into a tiny smile.  “I suppose, now that I think of it, she has always been this way.  Aggressive and self-righteous.  She is overcompensating, you know.  Trying to save Frisk from me.”

You close your eyes.  “That’s what I thought.”

“After the events, she could not have had much time to process with a grieving man to take care of.  She isn’t quite as introspective as you and I, hardly anyone is, so I doubt she has looked inside and recognized all the internalized guilt and rage.  If anyone knows how... how hard it is to lose someone you should have been able to protect...”  She blinks fast.  Her nose reddens.  You squeeze her hand.  “I do not blame her.”

You picture nineteen-year-old Undies surveying a bloody, broken child and two screaming adults.  Blaring sirens in the background probably, lots of paramedics, and stoic, powerful Undies not being able to do a damn thing but comfort the grieving father.  Then, flash forward three years later to get a text from her worst frenemy telling her her girlfriend’s gonna kill herself.

Stoic, powerful Undies, completely powerless and helpless.  No wonder she lost her shit.  She had done everything she could, and there was nothing to do but what you had done— cry on Papyrus’s comforting shoulder.  You didn’t know her till after her trauma, but before that, did she despise feeling vulnerable as much as she does now?

“Alright,” you promise, “I’ll be nice to her.”

“And please do not bring this up, I doubt it will help.”

“Yeah, I get ya.  Hey, if you’re worried about her uhh, unprocessed grief or whatever, maybe giving everyone a chance to process might... actually be cathartic?”

“Dear, I have processed, I have had two long, lonely years to process, I am afraid this is out of my hands.”

“Well, if it’s outa _your_ hands—”

“Sans please, she should have her catharsis with a therapist.  I feel bad but there is nothing I can do.  There is nothing I feel I need to apologize to her for, and she will not give up until I pretend I do.”

You don’t like that.  You don’t like any of it, again, more tiny pieces are falling into place in the huge fucked up puzzle that is everyone’s weirdly interrelated life stories.  You can remember it so clearly, their discomfort first meeting each other, and you didn’t even need a further explanation for that.  “Yeah, y’know what, you’re doing fine.  Don’t feel _too_ bad.”

“I am—”  Her phone rings.  Toriel rolls her eyes and heaves herself out of her chair.  You follow her to the kitchen.  She looks down at her phone and scowls at it.  “Speak of the damn devil.”

“Is it Undies.”

“No.”  Toriel hesitates, then answers the call.  “Hello,” she says emptily.

She walks out.  She ascends the stairs and closes herself in her bedroom, leaving you standing in the hall.  You wait by the door.  You listen to Toriel’s muted voice on the other side of it.  You hear pacing.  It gets quicker and quicker as the silent minutes tick by.

“So it comes with _terms and conditions,_ does it?” Toriel’s voice calls out. _Pause._  “Are you _threatening_ me, Dreemurr?”

You wait another few minutes until you hear Toriel stop pacing.  The tone of her voice calms.  Finally, the knob turns.  She sees you standing there and looks seriously into your eyes.  “Did you hear that?”

“Not really.  What’d Assdump have to say.”

She tears her eyes away and walks back into her bedroom.  You push her toward the bed to sit.  You’ve got plenty of bedspace, but you lean across Toriel’s lap.  “You okay?”

“It seems Frisk... is going to be living here.”

Your heart jumps into your throat.  “Hey, that sounds like good news.”

“Yes.  It is.  We worked out a deal.”  You give her a second to pause.  “He has... unbelievable power and influence.  After everything else he’s done, adopting a child and avoiding accusations of neglect and bypassing the most arduous parts of the process is mere child's play.  So to speak.  He could bribe his way into... _buying_ Frisk, really, or, in this case, getting them here, to me.  Really, I think all it would take is his good word.  But I am Frisk’s first choice.  So, he is... going to...”  She takes a deep breath.   _“...help_ me.”

“So what’s the catch.”

“Simple, he wants to be a part of Frisk’s life.  He wants to be able to visit whenever he wishes and be allowed to spend time with them alone without being given a hard time.  And if I disagreed, since Frisk desperately needs a permanent home... he would adopt Frisk himself.”

“Hey...”  You grin at her.  “That doesn’t seem too bad.  That’s it, he just wants to hang out with ‘em sometimes?”

“You do not understand, that man got innocent people _killed._  I have no choice but to let my child _‘hang out’_ with a murderer.”

You drop the smile.  “Right now, he kind of _is_ s’much the kid’s parent as...”   _As you are._  “As anyone.”

Toriel rants on without seeming to have heard you.  “He made the right choice by deciding to resign.  Perhaps he is well on his way to redeeming himself.  But no amount of _apologies_ will bring the innocent back to life.”

“‘Least he kept things businesslike.  Hope you made sure to let him know pursuing you’s not part of the agreement.”

“Oh yes, we talked about that.  He is coming for Frisk, not for me.”

“Good.”  So Fluffybuns still isn’t an evil stalker.  Glad that hasn’t changed.  “Guess he’s finally given up on you.  Think it was me.  I mean.  Who could compete with this sexy flesh trash.”

Toriel presses a hand to her temples.  “Please go,” she whispers.  “I need to be alone for a while.”

You don’t know what to do, so you don’t move.  You reach up and touch her face.  Toriel smiles.  In one sudden movement, she picks you up and hugs you.

“I’ve changed my mind,” she mutters in your ear, chin pressed to your neck.  “I do want you here...”

You rub her back.  “Assfuck’s playin’ it fair,” you say softly.  “I think the kid needs him.  He knows he’s not gettin’ you back, and he’s not gonna hurt Frisk.  And if he does anything shady, I’ll have a serious bone to pick with him.”

“Ohhh, I feel _ever_ so much safer with you protecting me.”

“Heh...”  You lean into her shoulder.  “He’s my problem, ‘kay?  So’s Frisk.  All your problems are my problems.  ‘Cause, think it goes the same for me, doesn’t it?”

“Of course...  We are in this together now.”

You pull away.  “Y’know you can be so corny sometimes it makes me feel like I have a heart.”

“I am not the only one guilty of corn, Mr. Sweetie For My Sweetie.”  You snort.  Toriel smiles.  You tell her not to mention that ever again, she swears she will someday.

☠☠☠

 _Together._  You shoulda popped the question right then.  So she’d know how ‘together’ you really wanted to be.  You wish you could afford a ring, something nice, but even sacrificing everything you’ve saved to get Papyrus a car won’t be enough.  Matrimony’s expensive.

You considered telling Papyrus about Undyne’s unprocessed grief.  He’d be better suited to helping her through it than you, as a Level Four friend.  But he’s got nothing to do with it, and after you’ve taken your sleeping meds and you’re high as a kite you actually type out a message to Asgore that you’re sane enough to delete before you hit send.   _*check on ur fake daughter assface she needs you_

Next time you see her, you don’t bring anything up, you just give her a hug.  Papyrus isn’t sure what’s going on but he joins you, you form an Undies sandwich while she hisses obscene curses.  She doesn’t hug you back, but she doesn’t try to throw you into the wall either, so it seems like you made the right choice.

With that out of the way, you figure the best way to pop the question is to just wing it.  You don’t need an expensive piece of jewelry to say _“I wanna grow old and senile telling bad jokes with you”_ do you?  Just to tie the knot and make it official.

You come into her house without knocking.  She calls out hello, she’s in the kitchen.  Sitting at the table with her computer, searching through desks.  “For Frisk’s room,” she says.

“Nice.”  You pull up a chair next to her.  “It’s like waiting to have a baby without the pain of pregnancy, and the kid you’re waiting for is ten.”

“I would say it’s very different.  Really not the same at all, actually, I am sorry dear, as much as I love your metaphors, this one was inaccurate.”

“Eh, they can’t all be winners.”  There’s too many kids’ desks to choose from.  It’s making you dizzy.  “Is it... gonna be hard to take care of a kid while you’re in school?”

“I’ve set up my schedule so I’ll only have classes at the same time Frisk is in school.  I’ll do my homework after Frisk is in bed.  And if I really need a babysitter, I have plenty to choose from, do I not?”

“You’ve got your pick of anyone from Snowdin to Hotland.”  You pat her arm.  Toriel smiles hopefully.  “So, you’re really after this teaching job.  Y’know, Undies wants me to be a math teacher.”

Toriel looks away from her laptop.  “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

“Eh I’m not too sure, but it’d be fun if we worked in the same school.  Apparently the pay’s better than other schools since it’s really good with disability services.  Seems like the gym teacher’s on permanent leave.”

“Oh dear, what happened?”

“Bad injury, I think.  So it’s Undies’ permanent job now.  Her volunteer work at the physical therapy center paid off.  But you’ve also had experience with disabled kids, right?”

“Yes, and if I know the school Miss Peixes-Serket is working at, I believe it’s the same one I was looking into.  I suppose there is no avoiding each other.  Imagine the three of us sitting together in the teacher’s lounge, wouldn’t that be something?”

“Heh, yeah, and you’d be... Ms. what?  What would you have the squirts call you?”

“I’ve always liked the sound of Ms. Toriel.”

 _Fuck, she ruined it._  “Ms. Toriel, huh?  Why, do you not like your last name?  What the... what the hell is it anyway.”

“You don’t know?  It’s Boss, but I would not want children calling me Ms. Boss.  It’s not very pretty and well... intimidating.”

This is perfect.  “You wanna change it?” you ask.  “To something a lil more inviting like, Ms. Bones?”

You raise your eyebrows.  Toriel’s face goes blank.  “Oh my gosh,” she whispers.  “Damn it, Sans, you beat me to it.”

“Hehhhh...”

Toriel stands up quickly, motions for you to sit back down, and runs to her purse.  She rummages through it, then draws out a velvet box.  Your heart skips a beat.  “Sans,” she says, “I wanted to give this to you at your house.”  She gets down on one knee and opens the box.  There’s a ring pop inside.

You gasp dramatically.  “Oh Toriel, of course!”  You dive off the chair, Toriel catches you with a surprise gasp and puts you back on it.  “No, you were supposed to pick me up and spin me around.”

“Eheh.”  She blushes.  “I was going to have Papyrus film me proposing with this.  It was Alphys’s idea, I was going to do it for the vine.”

“Wow, she sure jumped ship.”  You chuckle.  “Good old Alph...  Welp I’m keeping this anyway.”  You slip it on your finger.  “Does this count?  Are we engaged now?”

“Sure, why not!”  Toriel sits back down, her face flushed a happy pink.  “Oh, but...  You know that Frisk is part of this equation too—”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You would be, by law, their legal guardian someday.” she says seriously.

“Eh, I’m already something of an unofficial guardian.”

Toriel gushes about how much she has to do.  She hasn’t been this busy in a long, long time.  She can’t remember ever feeling this happy, at least, she never thought she would be this happy again.

You hope Frisk’s okay with this.  Not that they’ve got a choice.  Hey, they wanted you to keep an eye on them, and it seems you’ve found the best way to never let the kid out of your sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See her last name is Boss because... boss monster... thanks lora but i just went with boss instead of voss
> 
> credits to Nimthiriel_knows for, the begining of this chapter thank u,, i didnt know how to start it, this was the perfect opening.
> 
> is it too obvious that Undyne is my favorite character? How many people have i managed to drag into undies hell with a soriel fic, pls let me know if i dragged you into undies hell.
> 
> ANYWAY THIS IS A SPECIAL PROPOSAL CHAPTER TO CELEBRATE MY BREAST FRIEND'S WEDDING COMING UP NEXT WEEK!! Can we leave Sara our congratulations in the comments? Let's wish Sara and her fiance a happy future and thank her for being the breastest friend ever!!


	36. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans has daddy angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FALSE ALARM GUYS THIS ISN'T THE LAST CHAPTER AFTER ALL i pulled a hussie and LIED, i had to split the chapter in 2, welp, more like, 5. I keep splitting chapters and that's how I wound up with twice as many as I was supposed to. Can you believe this was supposed to be only 20 chapters? Now it's gonna be 38.
> 
> I kinda gave up editing, I didnt even read this through. So there might be a heck of a lot of stupid errors, I'll probably fix them later.

Seven years ago you hoped that today, you’d be a little drunker.  You didn’t dare hope for more.  For now, you’re completely sober.  Though that may change in a few minutes.  Undies is popping the champagne bottles (with her teeth) and screaming.  She’s probably screaming words but it’s hard to tell when she’s got a champagne bottle in her mouth.

Alphys giggles.  Toriel sighs “Oh dear, is it always this rowdy?” over the sound of Papyrus cheering.

“I’m so tired,” you mutter.

Undyne passes out plastic cups filled with champagne.  This is the most you’ve had to drink in too long.  Toriel downs her cup.  She asks for another.  Papyrus tries passing a cup to Alphys, but she stutters out a weak refusal.  “Al doesn’t drink,” Undyne reminds him.  She takes a swig from the bottle.  You figure she must be pretty drunk already to even be here—to be in a good enough mood to sit on the same couch as Toriel.  You like Drunk Undies.  She’s pleasant to be around.

“I would have liked another cup,” Toriel huffs as Undyne chugs.  The look on Papyrus’s face is half-encouraging and half-disapproving, which you didn’t know was possible.  Alphys snorts.  Undyne finishes the bottle, dropping it to the floor and spilling droplets onto the carpet.

“This stuff’s good.  You should taste it, Alphy.”

“Ah—W-Well it’s gone so—“

Undyne leans forward and gives her a passionate, champagne-tasting smooch.  This, Papyrus finally expresses outright approval for.  He slaps Undyne on the back mid-smooch.  Alphys squeaks.  Once she’s satisfied Alph has had a sufficient taste, Undyne pulls her head away and plops down on her lap.  “So, ‘d’ya like it?”

“Loved it,” Alphys gasps.

“Heh, y’know what _I_ love?”

“Punching things?”

“I know this one,” Papyrus whispers.

“I love _you,”_ Undyne slurs.  She caresses Alphys’s face, then rolls off onto the floor.  She laughs at the ceiling.  “Fuhuhuhu…  Happy new year.”

“Why can’t she always be this drunk,” you say.  You turn to Toriel.  “That was smooth.  Like, our levels of smooth.”

“Is she alright?  Alphys, you are going to get her home safely, are you not?”

“”Appy new year…”  Undyne mutters again from the floor.  She hiccups.

“Eheheh… w-we’ll be fine,” Alphys says.  She smiles nervously.

“So, um…”  Toriel smiles.  “What are our resolutions?”

You don’t have time to exchange a look with Alphys before Papyrus shouts that he has so many.  Undyne mutters that her resolution is to get married and love her beautiful wife forever and ever.  “I have far too many things I need to work on,” Toriel says.  “So it is good to start small!  My resolution is to live healthier and eat less sweets.  I am sure I can find healthier recipes that still taste good.”

“I’ve got—“ Undyne hiccups from the floor.  “Nevermind, you’re on your own.”

“Erm.  How about you, then?  Sans?  Alphys?”

Alphys looks away from her wasted girlfriend and turns to you.  “S-Same as last time?”

“You mean to just make it?”  You chuckle.  “Not feelin’ any more ambitious?”

“My ambitions h-haven’t… always turned out so great.  But for us, I mean, it wasn’t... always thinking small.”  She curls and uncurls her hand in her lap.  “So if— now, this seems like a lazy resolution, that’s... really good.”

“Yep.”  You wink.  “This time being lazy’s a good thing.”

“We’ve come a really long way.”  Her hand uncurls again, she reaches halfway to yours, then hesitates.  She chuckles quietly.  “You kept your resolution for seven years.  That’s... a lot.”

“Well, I had help.”  You shake your sleeve.  You remove a rubber band and flick it against Alphys’s forehead.  She squeaks in protest.  “Think we both did better than we expected.  So, let’s keep having low expectations.”

“That seems to work out for us!”  Alphys glances at Undyne, telling you she never expected her either.  But hey, you weren’t expecting Toriel.  You didn’t know you were capable of loving, or more likely, being loved back by someone like her.  The only person you expected you might be with today was Papyrus, and thank the gods of the multiverse he’s still here.

You can’t come up with words, because your heart is too full.  So you grin, Alphys grins back, and you shake on it.  She grips your hand hard.  “H-Here’s to next year!”

You nod, squeezing her hand tighter.  “See you then.”

☠☠☠

With the new year comes new beginnings, more for Toriel than for you.  Her house and her life are now under inspection.  Toriel begs you to be on your best behavior so that she’ll look good to the adoption agency.  She goes crazy tidying the place up.  Papyrus helps vacuum and dust, but he doesn’t do anything to calm her nerves.  You tell her not to worry.

“Whatever happens, Frisk’ll find their way here no matter what.”

“Unless the agency decides that I am an unsuitable parent and Asgore chooses to take them instead.”

“Was that part of the deal?” you ask.  “He... told you he wouldn’t help if you didn’t pass inspections?”

“He expressed great determination to have Frisk taken care of as friskly— _shit,_ I mean—”  She grits her teeth.  You bite your tongue to hold back a laugh.  “As _quickly_ as possible.  If he wants something, he will get it.  So if he wants Frisk to live here, they will.  But if I do not present myself well, it’s... more time.  More effort.  His decision is whether or not to wait.”

“Look I know you hate his guts,” you say, “but he _really_ doesn’t seem like that type of guy.  I doubt he wants to start anything.”

“He sure as hell does not.  And I do not either.”  She closes her eyes and sighs.  “So, I want this to go well.  I’m.”  She pauses.

“You’re...?”

“A little stressed out.  I am going to bake something.”  Her eyebrows relax.  “What are you in the mood for dear— chocolate chip cookies or cinnamon?”

“Tori, you were gonna bake healthier.”

“I know what I said,” says Toriel lightly.  “And now I am thinking of buttery madeleines dipped in chocolate.  Those are fairly complicated to make, I could use your help.”

“Tori no.  You’re not just hurting yourself.  You’re hurting _me.”_  You squeeze as much of your stomach as you can hold and lift it up.  “See this, Tori?   _This_ is probably why I’ve got _that.”_  You gesture at your cane.  “Let’s live a long happy and healthy life together, s’much as I love your cookies, since that was our very first connection and shit…”  You touch her arm.  “Let’s both lay off the butter.  Bake me up some granola or something.”

“But I am in the mood for buttery madeleines.”

“I’m gonna hide the butter.  I’ll feed it to the annoying dog.  Bake a salad instead.”

“Butter salad…”  Toriel looks dreamily off into the distance.

“No Tori, you’re not in the mood for butter.  You hate butter.  It’s awful.”

“What is _butter_ than butter?”

“Uhh…”  Dammit, you can’t beat that.

“You are right.  I will have some wine instead.”

She goes into her new cabinets and downs a glass of red wine.  “You worried about me?” you ask.  “’Cause uhh, I can stay outa your way.”

“No, of course not.  You are going to be about as much a part of Frisk’s life as I will.  I want them to know we are together.”

“Kay good, heh, got a bit worried.”

“Of course I don’t want you out of the way, dear—”

Her face is a little flushed.  She reaches for you.  “Okay, if you wanna make a good impression, I can help with that.  You know why I’m so popular?”

“Because you are entertaining?”

“It’s ‘cause I _know_ people.  I know people better’n they know themselves.  I just gotta look at their face.  Most important part of performing’s that you gotta be consistent.  Pick a character and stick to it.  You’re the caring old lady who loves kids, just pretend that’s _all_ you are ‘stead of _most’ve_ what you are.  I’ll pick a personality, too.  I’m a funny, charismatic wannabe dad.”

“I am sure you will do fine.  I just hope… _I_ am not the one who makes a bad impression.”

“If it makes ya feel any better, you don’t _look_ like a nervous wreck.”

“Thank you, Sans.”

Poor Toriel’s got too much to worry about.  Her semester starts at the end of the month.  She’s taking online classes, so, once the kid gets here, you and Papyrus will be able to help plenty with babysitting.

You’re probably gonna need to sell the hotdog stand.

So far, you think Tori’s making a great impression.  She tells you that Frisk is scheduled to visit.  Stay for a week as a sort of trial run.  Frisk texts you the same thing later.

_*you did a good job holding out kid  
*you didnt run away this time_

_*i want 2_

_*i know_  
*just give it a while and youll be home sweet home  
*and if you get really sick of waiting i guess call your friend  
*whos this driver anyway  
*anyone i know?

_*i dont kno there name  
*in the underground they were a river person_

_River._  Beware of the man who speaks in hands?  Honestly, fuck River, you always knew that weirdo wasn’t your average weirdo.  This weirdo knows Frisk, they probably drove here straight from the Underground to transport them.

Or, at least that’s your theory, you can’t be bothered to figure out if that’s true.

Toriel takes another trip to the Capital to pick up Frisk.  You’re too swamped to come with, but when they get back in the afternoon, you grab your cane and make your way to Toriel’s house to join Frisk’s welcoming party.

It’s small, just you, Undyne, and Papyrus.  Toriel didn’t want Frisk to be overwhelmed on their first day, so she asked you not to spread the word.  Pap lets you all in, using his spare key.  Toriel gave one to both of you.  You wait inside Toriel’s house until her car pulls into the driveway.

Frisk hops out of the back seat.  They have enough time to let out a puffy cloud of breath before Papyrus and Undyne jump on them.  You crunch through a thin layer of snow to say hi.  “Nice to see you again, kiddo.”

They frown.  You sweat underneath your jacket.  You didn’t visit them at all since everyone was gathered in the Capital.  No doubt they’re upset about that.  What can you say, you didn’t have time?  “COME ON FRISK, LET’S GO INSIDE BEFORE YOU TURN INTO A POPSICLE!” Papyrus shouts.

“I’LL GET YOUR STUFF!” screams Undyne.  Papyrus takes Frisk’s hand and leads them inside.  Toriel shares a glance with you.  She looks exhausted.

Despite Toriel’s insistence that Frisk needs rest, Papyrus wants to talk and play games and Undyne wants to throw a party.  “Tomorrow,” Toriel says wearily.  Frisk objects.  They want to see all their friends.  They ask you to treat them to Grillby’s.

“NO!” Toriel shouts.

“Tori uhh...” you mutter, “doesn’t really like Grillby’s.”

“I did not say that.”  Toriel turns red.  “Just... not today.  Frisk love, would you like something to eat?”

Frisk nods.  Toriel tells them to have a seat while she makes them lunch.  Frisk follows her instead.  “Oh, you want to help?” asks Toriel sweetly.  “Alright dear, come familiarize yourself with the new kitchen.  This new house is very different from the one in the forest, little one.”

Undyne makes gagging gestures with her fingers.  “Cmon,” you say, “it’s sweet...”

“Yeah, so sweet it’s giving me cavities.”  She rolls her eyes.  “So this is really happening, huh.  Frisk’s really living with her.”

“Yep, sorry, you lost, sis.”  Papyrus clears his throat angrily.  “Heh... why’d you even come if you hate her so much?”

“I wanted to say hi to Frisk,” Undyne says quietly.  “But... whatever.  I don’t feel like being around you while you’re like this.”  She stands up, goes to the kitchen, and puts on a smile.  “Hiii, Frisk!  I have to get home now but I’ll see you tomorrow!”

You don’t see Frisk’s reaction, Undyne goes in, probably to give them a hug.  “Don’t run away before then, punk!”

Papyrus gives her his half-hearted farewell before she leaves without looking at either of you.  You did it again, you were an ass, you can’t believe this.  But you can’t worry about that, not with the kid here, you and Papyrus help give a tour of the new house, and Frisk asks to see yours.  Papyrus is glad to have them over.  You all make your way around the corner through the slushy snow to your nice old home.  Frisk seems to know this place already.  Papyrus shows them around, and it’s making you oddly nostalgic.  Before he gets to his room, he turns to you and whispers, “Are you also getting a weird sense of... Deja vu?”

“Dunno what you’re talking about, bro.”

After Papyrus shows them his room, Frisk runs to yours.  They jiggle the door handle and seem surprised to find it open.  “Heh, you were interested in seeing my room before, what’re you lookin’ for?”  They gaze around.  They sign, _where’s the tornado?_  You sign, _gone._

They touch your bed, frowning at it.  They run to your dresser and open all your drawers.  “I know I seem like a cool guy, but uhh, you’re not gonna find anything interesting here.”

They rummage through your sock collection.  Scandalous.  They search and search till they finally ask where your trombone is.  “Uhhh...”  There’s stuff a kid doesn’t need to know, even a kid that’s been possessed by some sort of devil and forced to kill all their friends.  Stuff like financial difficulties and shit.  “I don’t really... play these days.”

They seem devastated.  They quit searching through your things when Toriel comes upstairs and gives them a stern look.  It’s inappropriate to snoop, she says.  Frisk turns on the TV and asks what channel MTT is on.  Papyrus shows Frisk some of Mettaton’s more age-appropriate youtube videos.  “Do you miss him?” you ask Frisk.  They nod.

“I did not know you two were good friends,” says Toriel.  “Perhaps we can arrange a visit.  Your friend Mettaton is not incredibly busy, is he?”

“Oh yes he is,” says Papyrus.  “But if we talk to Alphys...”

Frisk moves closer to you.  They swallow.  “You wanna talk?” you ask.  They shake their head.

Once the sun sets, Toriel takes Frisk back home.  You stay home to work until later, around Frisk’s bedtime, you think.  You go back to check on them.  Frisk comes to open the door, wearing striped pajamas that, as they excitedly tell you, they just got today.  “Had a good day?” you ask.

They nod.  They take your hand and drag you upstairs to their room.  You meet Toriel on the landing.  She’s smiling.  “Hello, Sans!  Frisk is getting ready for bed—”

“I can see that.”  You get pulled into a bedroom decorated with lots of flowers.  Flowery curtains, flowery bedspread, Toriel told you that Frisk had picked them out.  They sit down on their bed and pat the space next to them.  “Alright,” you sigh, and sit.

 _‘Can you stay here tonight?’_ they sign.

“Uhh... I’ll see.”

_‘Are you and mom banging?’_

“I’m using my new guardian privileges to put you in time out.”  Frisk waggles their eyebrows.  “You stop that.”

_‘Or what?’_

“Listen, there’s a lot I’m willing to answer, but some stuff is just none of your business, kid.  If you really wanna know...”  You lower your voice.  “Ask mom.”

Frisk giggles.  You pat their head.  “Don’t tell her I sent you, though.”  They sign again, and you have to ask them to slow down in order to catch that.  “You’re... scared, huh.”   _Nod._  “Alright, I understand.  I’ll talk to her.”

You stand.  Frisk stays on their bed.  You go back out into the hall, where you find Toriel texting.  “Hee hee, Papyrus is angry at me because he does not appreciate my humor.”  She looks up from her phone and smiles at you.  “Is something wrong?”

“Frisky wants to have a sleepover.  You wouldn’t mind me spending the night, wouldya?”

Toriel’s smile fades.  “I do not... think this is a good night.  Listen it is... not that I don’t want you here, but I would rather we have that talk with Frisk first.  We need to tell them that we’re together.”

“I think they’ve figured that part out.”

“Still,” says Toriel.  “They deserve to be told officially.  After everyone gets a good night sleep.  We’ll tell them tomorrow evening, how does that sound?”

“Alright.  So ‘zat mean Frisk can have their sleepover tomorrow?”

“Hmm, I don’t know how appropriate that would seem.  Frisk is, as we know, a very... _curious_ child.  We have a lot to talk about, so I’d rather we ease Frisk in slowly.  Don’t worry, we _will_ be able to, well...”  She pauses, her face turns a light pink.  “We will get Frisk used to us, alright?”

“Yeah.  ‘Kay, I’ll tell ‘em.”

“They are very fond of you!” Toriel calls after you as you walk back into Frisk’s room.  “Mom said no sleepover,” you say.  You shrug.  Frisk hangs their head.  “Hey.”  You sit down.  You touch their shoulder.  “I’m gonna be right around the corner.  If you wake up in the middle of the night feelin’ murdery, you’ve got my number.  Shoot me a text.”

Frisk looks away and nods.  You give their shoulder a squeeze.  You tell them to be good for mom.  Then, you head back home.

Next day Toriel’s not dead, Frisk didn’t get murdery urges but told you in private that they were having murdery dreams.  You’d been getting them, too.  But, as you said, you were a five minute walk away.  That made you both feel better.

You and Tori sit them down like you planned, though with this setup you look kinda like angry parents about to tell their kid they’re disappointed with their grades.  Frisk sits across from you, fidgeting nervously.  “Do not be so nervous,” says Toriel softly.  “We actually have some happy news!”

“We’re having a baby!” you burst.

Frisk’s jaw drops.  “No we are not,” says Toriel, glaring at you.  She puts her smile back on very quickly.  “I am not sure if you’ve guessed, but, Sans and I are... together now.”  Frisk’s expression doesn’t change.  Toriel pauses for the reaction.  Frisk doesn’t move a muscle.  You move just to grin up at her.  “So eventually, things might change a little.”

“They’re not gonna change much,” you add.  “I’ll just be over here ‘stead of around the corner.”   _But that’s what you want, isn’t it?_ you ask with your eyes.

_‘Are you getting married?’_

“Is that alright with you, love?”

Frisk looks at you.   _‘Does this mean I’m gonna have to call you dad?’_

“You can call me whatever you want.”

Frisk grins.   _‘Stupid doodoo butt.’_

“Frisk!” Toriel exclaims.

 _‘No, you’re the stupid doodoo butt,’_ you sign.

“Sans.”  Toriel closes her eyes and takes a breath.  “So, how is everyone feeling?”

Frisk looks from you to Toriel.  Toriel clasps her hands in her lap.   _‘I’m ok with it,’_ Frisk signs.  They say something confusing, that they thought it looked like you liked each other, but they weren’t sure.  You’re pretty sure they’re talking about your other selves from the Underground.  It’s kind of a relief that they have an answer now.  Toriel’s nervous that Frisk wasn’t jumping for joy, but it’s good to see acceptance.

Then come the intrusive questions.  Frisk asks if you’re going to make a baby.  “That is not part of the plan,” says Toriel, avoiding eye contact.  They ask if you’re... they sign something obscene.  “That is enough.”  You share a smile with Frisk.  “So, are you happy to have Sans here?”

Frisk nods enthusiastically.  They ask, _‘Is he moving in tonight?’_

“Not yet, little one.”  Toriel pets their hair.  “I am so, so glad you are happy.  Everything will take time, though.”

Frisk then asks a very troubling question.   _‘What about Papyrus?’_

“You want him here too, don’t you,” you say.  You read their face.  “And Undyne and Alphys and everyone, listen here, we’re keepin’ it monogamous for now.  That’s a big word, kiddo, but what it means is that Toriel’s marrying one person at a time.”

Frisk asks if they can marry Undyne and Alphys and Papyrus instead; you tell them to go to their room.  Toriel is overwhelmed, so you decide not to ask to spend the night tonight.  In a little bit.

Over the week, she gets concerned that Frisk isn’t sleeping.  She’s talked to them, asking if their bed was comfortable, if they didn’t feel well, if they were unhappy.  They told her they were just scared.

“Would you sleep better if I were here?” you ask.

Frisk says yes.  Tori’s a little perplexed, but she says that would be fine.  In the privacy of her room, she asks you, “Is this... about what you told me before?  About the voices Frisk hears?”

“Yeah,” you say.  “They’ve only told me, so they feel safer with me around.  I guess we should get that outa the way too eventually.”

“Oh dear...”  Toriel rubs her temples.  “What would I do without you...?  We’re lucky, really lucky you understand this child so well.”

You’re glad to help, but you know you’d never make as good a mom as she does.  You help Frisk put to bed, or really, you watch them go through their nightly routine and stay with them as they wiggle under the covers and look at you expectantly.  “What,” you ask.  Toriel comes in.  She asks how everyone is doing.

 _‘Can I sleep with you two?’_ asks Frisk.

“Certainly not.”

You chuckle.  “You sure?  I heard lots of normal families have group cuddle time.”  Toriel gives Frisk a suspicious look, and Frisk looks very suspiciously smug.  “Cmon,” you say, “Frisk’s going back tomorrow.”  You seat yourself on the bed next to Frisk.  They slide over to make room for you.  “Tori?”

Toriel smiles.  “Oh, alright...”  You both shift over.  Toriel sits down on Frisk’s other side.  Frisk wiggles up to her.  Toriel reaches out an arm that wraps around both of you.  “Comfortable?”

Frisk must be the most goddamn happy kid in the world.  You’re ready to fall asleep here.  “Sans, read a bedtime story,” Toriel says.

“Ugh... which one.”

Toriel pulls away and gets up.  She walks out of the room and comes back with A Wrinkle in Time.  “Aw heck no...”

 _‘Read it,’_ Frisk signs.

Toriel sits back down (you’re hanging off the bed, you don’t all fit) and smiles at you.  You sigh.  “It was a dark and stormy night.”

You can’t believe you’re doing this.  Frisk keeps shifting, squished between the two of you.  After a couple pages, Toriel yawns and tells you she’d love to stay, but she has something that needs taking care of.  With her gone, you have enough room to sit comfortably.  Frisk invites you under the covers.  They lean on you as they keep reading.  They’re not in the mood to talk tonight, just to listen.  Kid’s exhausted.  Their small body relaxes quickly.

You’re getting nostalgic.  This is reminding you of what it was like when Papyrus would fall asleep to the sound of your voice, but Papyrus was never this _small._  Frisk’s not tiny, they’re hardly tinier than you, but you’ve never had someone smaller than you fall asleep on you.  Someone quieter than you.  Someone who doesn’t make any noise except for tiny sighs that you can barely hear.

“And then Mrs Whatsit let out the most gigantic and smelly of farts.  The fart opened up a portal to where Meg’s father was, and everyone was reunited thanks to the power of Mrs. Whatsit’s butt.”

Frisk’s head perks up.  “Nah, that’s not what it says, heh, you can lie back down.”  They’re too tired for jokes, you keep reading word for word until their breathing evens out and slows and their body goes limp.  You experimentally make another fart joke, and Frisk doesn’t move.  So you keep reading to yourself.  It’s been years and you’ve forgotten what the heck happens.

When you’re eyes have a hard time staying open, Toriel enters in the nick of time and asks if Frisk is asleep.  It seems so.  You carefully crawl out of bed.  Toriel stays there for a moment, gazing at Frisk’s sleeping form.  You take a few minutes to watch them, digesting the fact that a year ago, this kid was just the creepy stalker who would watch you from the shadows.  Waiting for the right time to ask for help.  And you just let them wait.

“Cmon,” you whisper.  Toriel creeps out of the bedroom after you.

“Thank you, Sans,” she says softly.

You walk quietly back to her room.  You change into pajamas, and Toriel asks how far you got.  A couple chapters in, you answer.  She’s as happy as she could possibly be, she’s so glad you and she and Frisk all fit together so well.  She also falls asleep quickly.

You don’t.  You have the overwhelming urge to check on Frisk.  You didn’t give yourself enough time to think about the fact that, technically, whatever Frisk calls you, you are really gonna be something of a dad.

Or you could call yourself their male legal guardian married to their mom, but that’s dad for short.  Dad, father, those words don’t sit right with you.  And you know exactly why, your dadly experience hasn’t been the greatest.  You didn’t think about this before you agreed to it.  You’ve never had a hard time sleeping in Toriel’s arms before, but you can’t stop thinking, and you don’t want to wake her up.

You roll out of bed and pad down the hallway.  Just a quick check on the kid and you’ll go back to bed.  Frisk is still asleep, lying on their stomach.  You leave their room and get your jacket.

It’s not _too_ late.  Grillby’s is still open, but you go home instead.  The lights are off.  You pause at the door, thinking you’ll just... talk to him in the morning.

You find yourself unlocking the door and shutting it behind you.  You trudge up familiar carpeted steps and open Papyrus’s door.  This is so unlike you, but... he’d want you to tell him, wouldn’t he?

Pap’s also asleep, seems the whole damn town’s asleep, he’s snoring on his back.  You shake his shoulder.  Papyrus yelps, then looks at you and squints through the darkness.  “S...Sans?  What time is it...?”

“Uhh, a little before midnight.  I wanna talk.”

He sits up.  You sit on the floor.  Papyrus switches on a lamp and asks you what’s wrong.  “I’m gonna be a dad,” you blurt.

“Toriel’s having a baby?!  Congratulations!”

“No, no that’s uhh, not ever gonna happen, I think.  My genes suck and I don’t wanna put Tori through the miscarriage thing again.  I’m talking about Frisk, okay?  I’m gonna... be Frisk’s _dad.”_

“Sans...”  Papyrus narrows his eyes.  “Are you having daddy angst?”

“Yep, that’s _exactly_ it.  I dunno about this, Pap.  I’m not really a dad sorta person.  I’m just...”  You sigh.  “Just ‘cause our dad sucked...”

“You’re worried,” says Papyrus, “that you’ll be... like him?”

“No, just the opposite.  Heh, I’m worried every decision I make’ll be...  I dunno, tryna counter everything he did.  That I’ll be too fixated on every shitty thing he did that I’ll just try to do the opposite of it and, instead of being better I’ll just wind up fucking up differently.  There’s a million types of bad dads in the world and I don’t wanna become one of them ‘cause I’m too fixated on not being another.”

Papyrus blinks.  He rubs his eyes.  “It’s late for this heavy a feelings jam,” he mumbles.  He sits up straighter.  “But... this is important.  Would you like a seat.”

“Nah I’m fine being on the floor.”

“Alright.  Well, first off, I suppose it’s an extremely valid concern—”

“I never thought of myself as a dad person,” you interrupt.  “Thought it’d be me babysitting your kids...  Heh, remember that?  When we’d...”  You swallow.  “Nevermind, it’s not really important.”

“Hmm.”  Papyrus frowns.  “If you marry Toriel you’ll be Frisk’s legal guardian, that’s true.  But you won’t be their _sole_ guardian!  Frisk doesn’t just have you, I’ll be near, and of course, they have Toriel.  And three other people who are willing to be their parents.  When we were younger, you know...”  He shifts and sucks in his lips.  “We didn’t have that.”

“Yeah... just shitty Fartster...  I bet the old man’s laughing at me from hell.”

“Remember, we only had each other.  And because of that, you grew too used to depending on me, and I grew used to your dependence.  Well, that’s what my therapist told me.  And why it’s very healthy we’ve expanded our support networks!”

“You’re gettin’ off topic, bro.”

“Right.  Ahem!  It’s, somewhat on topic because, I’m saying, our dad was alone.  Having a partner to catch him like you do might have changed things.  No one knew what you were going through, or, well, dad’s parenting methods.  That’s why you two went terribly together, I think, because you... closed yourselves off.”

“Mm...”  You lie down and stare at the ceiling.

“But you, and Frisk, at least today, have a lot of support.  So even if you do mess up, you have Toriel, and you always have me!  If I see a flaw, I will point it out.”

“But what if...  You know me, I get kinda blind sometimes.  Like with Undies.  What if I fuck up and refuse to listen to anyone.”

“Usually, after a while, you see reason.”

“But what if I don’t and fuck the kid up before I get the chance to apologize.”

“Then Toriel will divorce you and you’ll come back here.”

“Harsh...”  You sit up and smile.  “Thanks for telling it how it is, guess you’re right.  Makes sense, course there’d be consequences for fucking up...  I just...”  You squeeze your eyes shut and open them.  “Frisk’s been through a lot, I _really_ don’t wanna fuck ‘em up any more than they’ve been.”

“Hmm.  Have you tried talking to Toriel about this?”

“I don’t want to, she’s nervous enough already.”

“But you want her to be honest with you,” Papyrus says.  “For her to tell you, as you’ve said, when you’re _fucking up._  Let her know you are nervous and she can assure you she’s looking out for you!”

“Don’t wanna...”

“You and Toriel are a _team._  You have signed onto this—”

“I know, I committed.  That’s why I never thought I’d be a dad, I suck at committing.”

“You’re better at committing than you think you are,” says Papyrus with a frown.  “If you were so terrible at committing, you would not have spent two years of your life breaking my back to pay for my education!  You wouldn’t have called a long-gone friend who circumstances forced you to abandon, and you would not have proposed to Toriel.”

“Yeah, yeah—”

“Don’t _yeah, yeah_ me, Sans!  I really think everything is going to be okay, more or less!  There may be a couple bumps along the way, but there always are.”

“How’d you know this.”

“I don’t know, I just have a good feeling!”  He smiles.  Your heart sinks.  “I always have good feelings where Frisk is concerned.  I think the only thing we have to worry about is making sure they stay put.”

You blink at the ceiling.  You think to yourself that you and Frisk have a connection, Frisk wouldn’t run away from you.  But that’s what the old man thought of you.  That you and he were the only two who could understand each other.  Maybe you really did bite off more than you could chew.  “Having a kid is really important to Tori,” you say.  “But she’s got plenty of anxieties about that.  I don’t wanna add to it.”

“Talk to her.”

“Mmm...”  You sigh.  “Kay.”

“Good!”

You pull yourself to your feet.  “Welp, thanks for that.”

“Do you feel better at all?”

“Aw, talking to you always makes me feel better.  Yeah.  Think I’m gonna say hi to Grillbz before he closes up.  Get some fresh air.  See you later.”

“Well, goodnight.”

“Night.”

At the door, he calls after you, “Wake me up any time you need another feelings jam, unless it’s a prank!”

He’s so good.  And hell, he has a point, at the very least, you know how to love.  That’s something your old man couldn’t do.  When you get back to Toriel’s place, you find her sitting up in bed, asking where you’ve been.

“Just had to talk to my brother about something,” you say, dumping your jacket on the floor and climbing back into bed.

“Oh dear, is he alright?”

“Yeah, he’s fine.”

She touches your arm.  “Are _you_ alright?”

Your shoulders slump.  “You wanna talk now or in the morning?  It can wait, I promise.”

“I woke from an intense nightmare, so I would rather not go back to sleep.  What is troubling you?”

She puts an arm around you.  You lean into her side.  You tell her what you told Papyrus.  “You are not going to be anything like that man,” Toriel tells you.  “Or his extreme opposite.  Because unlike him, you are a decent person.”

“Thanks.”

“I am glad you told me, Sans,” Toriel says.  “I have found it hard to talk about myself, but we are both afraid of being parents.  You because of your upbringing and me, because I let two children die.”  You don’t interrupt.  You let her breathe.  “But everyone is afraid of becoming parents, and do not fool yourself into thinking anyone goes into this feeling prepared.  No matter how many parenting manuals you read, no one is ever truly prepared to have a child.”

“Really?  When you were in your twenties didn’t you feel, I dunno, totally ready?”

“I did.  But... you are not the only one who feels this way.  Every parent feels completely lost at some point or another.  Because you are caring for a human, and humans are unpredictable, and fragile, and sometimes hurtful.  We are both wading through these dangerous waters together.  And Frisk is perhaps the most unpredictable child you will ever meet.”

Jeez, you weren’t even thinking about her dead kids.  She’s gotta be ten times more terrified than you are.  And for some reason... that makes you feel better.  You tell her what Papyrus told you, that you’ll be there for her, and for Frisk, and so will the whole town.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but you’ve got a town, and a huge apartment complex, and a bustling city to help raise Frisk.  Between the Ruins and Snowdin, Frisk has friends at every corner.

Frisk is the only one who gets much sleep that night.  When you wake up, they’re already dressed, well-rested, and as ready as they could be to go back to the foster home.

Until next time.

Seeing the kid’s reassuring.  You won’t mess this kid up.  They’re depending on you.

You wonder how Gaster felt when he met you.  You wonder if it was something like this.  If it was... love?  Did he love you?  You can’t remember if you’ve asked yourself this question before, but looking back, it seemed like in the beginning, he might have.  Was it anything like this, though?  And will you ever be able to stop comparing yourself to him?

Maybe if he did love you, and he’d told you that, that woulda made all the difference.

Papyrus and Undyne visit to see Frisk off.  “Watch your back, punk!” Undyne says, and to your surprise, picks Frisk up and plants a loud kiss on their cheek.  “See you soon!”

Frisk looks dazed.  You push through and, try to think of what you want to say.  All you can manage is a smile that lasts several seconds.  You’ve got a lot you want to say, but none of it’s in words, and it’s too mixed up to work out.  It comes out as an empty, “Good luck.”  Frisk nods.  You lower your voice.  “And lemme know if the shadow kid makes an appearance.”

You really wanted to say more, but the door closes, you’ve missed your chance, Toriel drives away with the kid.  You turn around and walk home with your shoulders hunched against the wind.

☠☠☠

You’re living at Toriel’s place more than your own at this point, but home is still home.  Papyrus may consider the house in front of the empty meadow a second home as much as you do.  Almost every night you eat dinner together.  Papyrus has started cooking lessons with a new teacher.  She’s taught him how to taste his food and check for his flaws.  Alas poor Undies, when will Toriel cease taking away everything she loves?

Toriel wants you to help too, but you don’t want to get between them.  Even if Toriel thinks you have potential.  You’ve made pies all on your own.  And she wants to see you two cook together.  She thinks it’d be adorable.

When you’re alone, she refers to Papyrus as her unofficial brother in law.  “I have never had a brother before,” she says.  “Or well, such kind in-laws.”

“Oh heck, in-laws.  You never had to deal with those before?”

“I did not see them very often.”  Toriel looks off into the distance.  “They were... polite.  Asgore had a brother, but they weren’t close.  I rarely saw him.”

“Huh.”

“I believe they had somewhat of an age difference.”

“Tori, _we_ have an age difference.”

“True, true...”

She’s stoked about becoming a member of the Bones family, and having only having one in-law to deal with.  “Heck no, I’ve got a heckton of unofficial family, you’re gonna have to learn to put up with all of them.”

“Yes yes, even Undyne Peixes-Serket.  Does she know?  More importantly, does Papyrus know about our plans?”

“Didn’t you tell him you were gonna propose?” you ask.  “He was gonna film it.”

“So you did not tell him it happened?”

You didn’t, so when you’re all seated at the dinner table, Toriel clears her throat and says that she has an announcement.  Before you have time to come up with a marriage pun, Papyrus asks if Toriel went and gave you the ring pop without him.

“Erm—”

“We were going to do it for the vine!”

“My fault,” you say.

“He asked if I would prefer the last name Bones, and I thought—”  She grabs your hand suddenly and picks it up.  “—it had a nice _ring_ to it!”

“Wowie.”  Papyrus’s face struggles between frowning and grinning.  “Toriel _Bones.”_

“Hee hee... not yet.”

“Can I still call you sis?”

Toriel gapes at him.  “If... that would make you happy, to call me... sister?”

Papyrus stands up.  “It would!  Welcome to the family, sis!”  He holds old his hand.  Toriel takes it uncertainly.  He pulls her to her feet, then pulls her into quick, rough hug and kisses her cheek.  You snort from your chair at Toriel’s reaction, she goes completely pink.

Papyrus releases her.  “It’s good to have you!  Amazing to have you!”

“I-I am flattered...”

“You’ve really changed our lives for the better!”

“No no, _you two_ have changed my life _drastically_ for the better!  I could not have begun anew if not for your help.  I have the both of you to owe for everything.”

Papyrus and Toriel argue over who’s changed who’s drastically changed the other’s life better, it’s a short argument, Papyrus is willing to quickly agree that you two helped her more.  They chat for an hour until it’s time to go home, you have work and Toriel has packing to do.  She sees you out looking very happy and still pink in the face, especially on the spot where Papyrus kissed her.

There’s a new bounce to his step.  You have a bit of trouble keeping up.  “Yo, you really made her happy,” you say.

“Good!”

“I’m glad you’re happy, too.”

“I think everyone in the world would be happy with more hugs and kisses to go around,” Papyrus says wisely.

“You should give Undies a kiss, seems like she could use one.”

Papyrus’s step slows down a little.  “Unless you are Alphys, showing Undyne affection always comes with consequences, unless you time it right.  It’s best to wait for her to initiate the affection, if you want to avoid a noogie.”

“Welp, she knows she’s not allowed to hurt me, so maybe I’d have better luck.  She owes me by the way, she kissed me _twice.”_

“Despite the age-old saying that you only live once, there are some things I would advise _against._  She’s been in a sensitive mood, please don’t aggravate her.”

Good old Papyrus, always looking out for people.  If only everything could work out perfectly, that’d be nice, but Toriel’s move has put Undies on edge.  She doesn’t spend as much time at your house as usual when she picks up Papyrus, she grabs him and leaves.  She treats Toriel civilly enough when visiting Frisk, by avoiding her eye and saying as little to her as possible.  And she’s been giving you the cold shoulder, too.

Papyrus is convinced this is temporary.  Frisk gave you an enigmatic message, they’re not kicking each other off the throne, they said, so they’re doing pretty good.  Thanks Frisk, you replied.  According to Frisk, they never got along in any of the versions of time you remember.  So that means they were destined to hate each other.  But Papyrus wouldn’t understand that.

Frisk said one hopeful thing, though.  They got along once, in a version where Toriel hired Undyne to be the gym teacher in her new school.  So one part of that came true, and to Frisk, that’s enough to give them a chance.

☠☠☠

You had a nightmare.  A terrible nightmare, unlike any nightmare you’ve had before.  Weirdly, neither Frisk or the old man were in this one.  Papyrus comes to get you out of bed and says you look like a ghost.

“I had a freaky dream,” you say.  “So like, in this dream, Toriel like, y’know how she had the miscarriages, but, she— in the dream, told me she really wanted kids so— I offered to have ‘em for her.  So I—”

“Sans.”

“I got pregnant and I gave birth to Undyne!”

“Sans?”  You start crying.  Papyrus sits down and pats you on the back.

“This is ‘cause of that one time you asked— what was it, how _I_ would like it if Undyne was sharing a bed with me an’ Tori, so— the dream— she grew up and _still_ wouldn’t leave our bed.  She just, always slept between us, it was terrible...”

“That’s weird.”

“Guess my brain subconscious stuff got really scrambled...  Fuck, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget that.  It felt so real, bro.”

“Was baby Undyne cute?” Papyrus asks.

“All I remember about baby Undies was her teeth, nursing her was a terror— I still feel it.”  You touch your breast.  “Why did this have to happen to me.”

“Was I in your dream?”

“Oh my god, are you even hearing me.”

“I wanna know more about your dream.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

You shoot Undies a text.   _*youre a terrible daughter._  She replies, _*????????_  You really need to stop thinking so much before bed.

Toriel gives you even more to think about, she’s making another trip back to the Ruins to get the last of her things.  You hope you don’t get depressed again in her absence.  Day one you’re doing fine, you think; day 2 you find yourself more anxious than depressed.  Day 3, you force yourself off your butt to find something to do.

You don’t like walking when it’s cold out.  You stare at the ground, watching for ice.  Your cane slips.  While your right hand is toasty and warm in your pocket, your left hand is cracked and freezing.  Any moment, you expect to trip and shatter.  The smell of meat cooking fills your nostrils, and you relax a little.

You throw open the door to the diner.  “Hi, Grillbz.”  You breathe in that scent.  You let the greasy warmth wash over you.  You wave at the regulars.

“How’s it goin’, guys.”

“Same old, same old,” says Red.

“What’s new, Sansy Man?” asks Ugly.

You sit yourself down in a booth.  You grin.  “I got some news that you might find, heh— _engaging—”_  Several faces gape at you.  “Did uh, anyone get that...?”  Silence.  “I’m engaged to Toriel.”

Your ears fill with shouts and yells, and one distressed moan from Bunny.   _“You,”_ shouts Bigmouth, “tie yourself down??”

“It’s no biggy, Biggy.  Now guys, this doesn’t mean I don’t still love all of you.”

“Damn, who’s gonna tell the Dogs?” asks Hamster.  “We gotta— You know what!  This calls for a party!”

“You’re right, Hamster,” says Red.  “We’re throwing you one tonight.”

“Wow, guys—”

Grillby clears his throat, and the diner falls silent.  “Congratulations,” he says.

Hands slap you on the back.  Screw depression, you’re the luckiest dude alive.  “What’s a party without booze?” Bunny groans.  You tell your buds no booze at your engagement party.  If Bunny has to suffer, so does everyone else.

That night, Grillby serves hamburger cake and wears his party hat again.  Your buds ask where the bride-to-be is.  You tell them she’s away, they wish they’d asked sooner.  She deserves a party, too.  They miss Toriel.

You feel bad about telling Toriel not to eat butter now as you stuff yourself with red meat.  Welp, it’s a special day, and you’re never one to deny your friends a good time.  They all need something to celebrate, too.  You even get Bunny laughing.

Your phone buzzes.  You open up to a goodnight message to Toriel with heart-eyed emojis.  Your friends steal your phone and pass it around.  “Guys...”  Dogamy and Dogaressa giggle at Toriel’s message.

“She sounds just like you when you were courting me,” Ressa gushes.

“And after all these years, you’re still my hot dog.”

They smooch and leave your phone forgotten on the table.  You sigh and heave yourself up to go get it.  Assholes, making you walk across the room.

Laughter, noises, and vibrations blend into the background, and then suddenly, it stops.  Your stomach drops as— without warning— your foot slides.

The room tilts.  It registers— you’re falling— it’s warm, but your memory flashes back to the cold.  Your face pressed against solid ice.  The room tilts.  Your insides disappear.

It’s over.   _Fuck, it’s all over._  Images flash through your head— hospital sheets, your brother, dread, fuck...  Maybe you’ll die this time.  That’s what you hope the split second before the floor comes up to meet you.

The world lurches again.  You’re yanked by the jacket by a pair of hands.  More than that.  Many hands.  More hands join, more faces, you recognize Red and Ugly on one side of you.  Dogamy has your other arm.  Bigmouth looms over you from behind.

“What happened?” asks Doggo.  “Everyone moved!”

“Sansy?” says Bunny.

Your friends steady you.  They pull you back into a steady position.  Hamster and Dogaressa get there late.  “You okay, man?” asks Hamster.

You breathe.  You’re safe.  “Heh... th-thanks, guys.”  You laugh.  “I’m good.”

“Phew,” Red breathes.  “That was a close one.”

“Yeah... wow...”  You can’t believe it.  “You guys just saved me thousands of dollars and another round of heartache.”

“Anythin’ for you, Sansy,” says Bunny.

“You didn’t do anything,” says Hamster.

“Neither did you,” says Ugly.

These guys really are the best friends in the world.  You’re glad, _so_ glad to celebrate with them, not only your engagement, but being alive, and in one piece.  “Thanks for having my back,” you say with a wink.

Grillby clears his throat and softly mutters, “Literally.”

You look around at the others.  They seem unsure whether to groan or laugh.

☠☠☠

_*I had a terrible idea_

_*what is it daughter_

_*Fuck you_  
*Papyrus told me about that dream  
*I WAS AN AWESOME BABY YOU PIECE OF SHIT  
*Plus I didn’t get my teeth sharpened until AFTER I got my braces off

_*my boobs will forever bear the scars_

_*NEVERMIND I DIDN’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT DREAM  
*STOP HAVING WEIRD DREAMS ABOUT ME_

_*ill try  
*what was your terrible idea_

_*Oh yeah  
*So Mettaton might be coming to your house_

_*nice_

_*Not for a date or anything.  I thought the kids might really like it if he made a visit  
*I, suggested the idea to Alphys really late at night when I was feeling stupid and she convinced him to do it for publicity_

_*idk i think its a pretty cool idea_

_*So I guess he’s joining us this week  
*I haven’t told Papyrus yet.  I can’t figure out how to_

_*surprise him_

_*I can’t do that!!!!!!!!  He might faint_

_*are you really asking for my help_

_*No, I’m just warning you.  
*That i UNLEASHED HELL_

 

At the end of the day, Papyrus seems to have heard the news.  He bounces off the walls, he shakes you, he’s _finally_ getting to spend quality time with Mettaton.  You don’t think he sleeps the night before, when you wake up, you find him waiting at the door like fucking Scott Pilgrim waiting for Ramona Flowers to deliver his package.

“You okay, bro?” you ask.

He wheels around, his eyes manic.  “Do I look okay?”

He’s combed his hair, ironed his clothes, shined his shoes.  “You look amazing, could use something to cover up those dark shadows.”

“What if he shows up early?   _Fashionably_ early?”

“You’re gonna do fine, he already thinks you’re cute,” you say.  You wink.  “He told me.”

Papyrus thinks you’re teasing.  Might as well act like you are.  The door bursts open and Papyrus screams.

It’s just Undyne.  “It’s just you,” says Papyrus, clutching his chest and sighing with relief.  One of Undyne’s eyebrows goes up.  “Where’s Mettaton?”

“He’s not coming in.  We don’t want anyone spotting him... _yet._  He’s waiting out front.”  Papyrus peeks out the door.  You see Mettaton’s shiny pink car parked in front of your house, doesn’t look very undercover to you.  “You ready to go?”

“Hang on, I’m going to check in the mirror one last time!”

Papyrus dashes up the stairs, leaving you alone with Undyne.  You smile at her.  She glances at you.  “So,” you say, displaying your hand, “I’m not sure if you’ve notice my ring...”  You flash the ring pop.

Her gaze hardens.  “You’ve got worse taste than your brother.  I warned you, don’t expect me to care anymore.  You dug your grave, time to lie in it.”

“Have fun with Papyrus,” you say, turning right the fuck around.  You’re not in the mood for a fight.  Her hand grabs your shoulder.

“Wait.”

“The heck.”

“Just one last piece of advice, make sure she’s not keeping secrets from you.  You deserve to know _everything_ about her past.”

“It’s almost like...”  You turn around and grin.  “You’re just _waiting_ for something to go wrong so you can feel right about everything.”

“Trust me, that’s the _last_ thing I—”

Papyrus bursts out of the bathroom and bounds back down the steps.  “Okay, I think I look very handsome!  What do you think, Undyne?”

“I think you look like... a DORK!”  Undyne attacks, noogying him and ruining his hair.  There’s no time left to fix it, Papyrus leaves after Undyne looking scared and mortified.  You wish them luck.  As much as you want to ignore her, not let her get to you, you take out your phone.

 

_*were not keeping any more secrets from each other right_

_*?_

_*theres a lot about our pasts we dont usually touch on bc theyre hard to talk about_  
*but like  
*i feel stupid that i didnt even know your last name

_*What brings this up?_

_*we gotta be honest with each other  
*im not the nosiest of people_

_*You’re right, skeletons do not even have noses! ]:D_

_*you got it_  
*idk if for whatever reason i got a question about like  
*shit that happened with asgore or something

_*Do you have a question now?  ]:?_

_*not rn but i probably did at some point and forgot  
*but youll be honest wont you_

_*What is it that you are worried about?  That I will not answer?_

_*i dont even know ok_

_*Don’t worry dear, I can see why you would be concerned.  Both you and I do have this problem.  I will do my best to be honest.  ]:)  
*You must be honest too, alright?_

_*yeah of course_

 

Welp, that’s a relief.  Amazing, it’s almost like when Toriel isn’t suffering from tremendous lost and postpartum depression she’s generally a nice person to have around!  You fill Toriel in on what’s happening here.  She’s upset she couldn’t be in Snowdin to say hello to Mettaton.

You text Papyrus and ask him to say hi for her, but he doesn’t answer.  You don’t hear from him at all until he gets home late in the evening.  He’s out of breath and ecstatic.

“We hung out the whole day!” he shouts.  “After we were done volunteering, we stopped by at Waterfall to visit Mettaton’s cousin at his old place!  Can you believe _Mettaton_ used to live next door to Undyne?!”

“Nice,” you say, and don’t have much else to add.  Papyrus rambles about Mettaton’s cousin, how they’re so _different,_ then switches back to gushing about how amazing he was with the kids.  Papyrus is even more in love with Mettaton than over.  He just keeps going for hours, and pretty soon, you wanna sleep.

The video doesn’t come out till a few days later.  Papyrus shoves it in front of your nose the _second_ it’s put up.  (He had barely moved his finger from the refresh button in the last two days.)  He opens to Mettaton’s sparkly youtube channel and breathes loudly in your ear.

“Hello  _darlings,_ I have a special....”  Blah blah blah blah _blah._  You've heard this crap before, you've seen the inside of Mettaton's sparkly bedroom, the intro goes on for 3 minutes and you can feel your life slipping by.  The video cuts to the inside of a building you’ve never been in.  This isn’t the work of a professional, you have the suspicion it’s probably Undyne holding the camera.  You think so, because she doesn’t appear in any of the shots.

Mettaton gives the kids a warm, fabulous, scripted hello.  You prepare for a fifteen minute snooze fest.  Kids introduce themselves to Mettaton.  MK runs up, trips, and Pap catches them before their face can hit the ground.  “Yo!” the kid says.  “Mettaton, I— I told my parents you were gonna be here and they didn’t believe me!”

Mettaton laughs professionally, but unprofessionally pays a noticeable bit more attention to them than the other kids.  He spews something to the group about how they can be anything they want.  All of them can do anything no matter what the world says.  He seems kind of... emotional.  It’s hard to tell with the crappy camera work.  A kid tells him he always wanted to be a dancer, but he can’t walk well.

“So _be_ a dancer!  I once saw a girl with no arms or legs dance, and she was _beautiful.”_

“What about me?” asks Monster Kid.  “I don’t wanna be a dancer, but I don’t have arms.”

“What _do_ you want to be?”

“A superhero!  Who beats up bad guys!”

“Darling, you’re already a hero!  I want to show you all something.”  He turns around.  “You.”

“M-Me?” Papyrus speaks up.  Papyrus outside the video squeezes your arm.

“Take these off!”  Mettaton holds out his arms.

You watch Papyrus remove Mettaton’s arms.  “I didn’t want to tell you until the video came out but _look,_ I’m holding Mettaton’s hand!”

That’s really weird, he is.  But the camera’s focused on Mettaton and the kids watching him with their mouths open.  “Who needs arms,” Mettaton says, “with legs like these?”

A collective “Whooa,” comes from his audience.

“So don’t let anyone tell you you can’t be a star!”

Or that you don’t have a few million to blow on good prosthetics and a great doctor.  Or, you guess, his level of determination and willingness to put his life on the line for his dreams.  Entrusting himself to an untrained Alphys, selling himself as her guinea pig.

But it has the desired effect.  All these kids are probably gonna go home and tell their parents all about who they’re gonna be when they grow up.  They’re gonna think their dreams will be achieved by tomorrow.  You feel for the little shits.  And in fact, you feel for Mettaton.  He’s really into it, and you can see on his face he’s being everyone he wanted to see when he was going through what he went through.  He’s being his own inspiration.  You kind of respect that.

“Wow,” you say.  “Guess he made lemonade outa his lemons.”

“Has Alphys seen this?  Do you know if she’s seen this?!”

You ask her.  She tells you she didn’t, but she heard about it from Undyne.  Even Undies was impressed, she thinks he made a great impression on the squirts.  She’s actually glad she brought him along.  This was honestly the most genuine she’s ever seen him.

You send Toriel the video.  And you wind up watching it again.  Undyne was right, Mettaton’s expression is a genuine one.  And you catch something like a nervous smile when Papyrus gets close.

You never really considered it before, but now you wonder if Pap might really have a chance with this guy.

☠☠☠

At the end of February, the snow’s already melting.  Hamster blames global warming.  It’s warm for Snowdin, at least this time of year.  If the ice caps are melting, that’s good for you, you have less to worry about walking back and forth from your house to Toriel’s.  Every day she has something new to add to Frisk’s room.  She brought back all the kid stuff she could from the Ruins, her old toys and books and some articles of clothing.

They’re too big for Frisk.  You get a glimpse at Toriel’s past when you look into Frisk’s closet— purple pinafores and long pleated skirts that she used to wear when she was Frisk’s age.  The skirts, when you hold them up to your waist, sweep the floor.  Even as a little kid Toriel was tall.

“I _was_ the tallest among my friends at that age, not that I had very many,” she says.

“You think Frisk’s gonna wear these?”

“I think Frisk would look darling in them, don’t you?”

“Darling little Frisky’s not gonna be able to fit in these for at least another few years.  If Frisk still wants to dress like a doll when they’re in high school, then you’re in luck.”

“Excuse you, I would still wear that dress if it fit.”  Toriel swipes a plaid pinafore from your hands and holds it up to the light.  “It would be nice to see Frisk in different clothes, they have an odd affinity for stripes.  Well, I may be able to take some of these in.  I seem to have lost my sewing machine though, do you know if Papyrus did anything with it?”

A sewing room’s something Toriel was thinking of adding.  Among a bigger kitchen, another bedroom, and maybe a playroom.

She asks if you want to come with her to pick up Frisk again.  This time, they’re coming back to stay.

You drive out all the way into the Capital to meet your friend from another life.  They’re excited to see you.  They bug you all the way home, getting your attention and showing you texts messages from all of their friends.

They show you a picture of Papyrus and Undyne and Mettaton with their arms around a blank-looking Napstablook.  “Heh, yeah, they had fun.”  They show you another picture of Mettaton and Monster Kid posing armless together.  “Did Undies send you those?” you ask.

Frisk nods.

Seems Undies has had a slight change of heart about Mettaton.  She’s impressed.  Frisk shows you pictures of their friends from Hotland.  They have one with Muffet the creepy bakesale girl, holding Frisk in one arm and a wad of cash in the other.  “Where’d you get that money,” you ask.   _‘Donations,’_ answers Frisk.

When you get home, Toriel demands Frisk have a nap before meeting any friends.  They sleep facedown.  With their head smothered in the pillow.

Toriel discreetly starts working on a pie.  She moves quickly and quietly.  You’ve never seen her more in her element.  She smiles while she works.  You try to help her, but it’s hard to keep up.

School’s a complicated issue for Frisk, since it’s the middle of the year.  Toriel’s going to homeschool them for now to get them up to speed.  She’s excited about this.  Being one kid’s private teacher.  Having been homeless, you wonder just how hard this’ll be for Frisk.  How much is a kid supposed to know going into sixth grade?  You offer to help.  But it turns out she needs a lot more help around the house than tutoring Frisk.

It’s about time, you decide, to officially move in.  Half your stuff’s already there.  With a heavy heart you wait for Papyrus to get home and ask him, “Hey bro, couldya help me move the rest of my stuff to Toriel’s house?”

“Today?” he asks.

“Yeah.  Hey uh, we never really talked about this.”

“You moving to Toriel’s house?”  Papyrus cocks an eyebrow.  “I thought we had discussed that plenty.”

“There’s an extra room,” you say.  “The guest room, and if Toriel expands the house, we’ll make our room into another guest room and move downstairs.  Tori... wouldn’t mind if you took the other bedroom.  She offered, actually.”

Papyrus’s eyebrow lowers.  He makes some uncertain noises as his eyebrows do a weird dance, furrowing and unfurrowing.  “She’s very nice,” he finally says.

“Yeah, I know.  We could sell this old place and get a fancy car.  The guest room’s pretty much set up, we could just move all your wacky stuff and it’d be just like your room now.”

He makes another uncertain noise.  He hems and haws, he paces around the room.  You wait.  “I... don’t know,” he says.  “I like this house a lot.  It isn’t exactly an _old_ place, you know.  And it’s _ours._  It’s mine.  I could move all my things but it wouldn’t be the same.”

“It’d be easier to maintain.”

“Yes, but the difference between _me_ and _you_ is that I’m not always inclined to go with the most convenient option!  Sure it might be lonely sometimes... but it won’t be when you’re over!  Or when Undyne’s over!  Where would Undyne stay if I moved into Toriel’s house?  It would make everyone very uncomfortable.”

“Mm, you’ve got a point.”

“Once you’re moved out, we can make it like a second bedroom for Undyne!  And maybe get a second bed, or a bigger bed for Alphys!”

“You mean a guest room,” you say.  You smile at his smile.

“Yes, for anyone, even Frisk!  We won’t exactly be that far apart, you know.  We’re still all a family, just with two houses instead of one!”

“I just don’t like the thought of you coming home to an empty house.”  You sigh.  “I mean, we’ll probably all eat together, but then you’ll... yeah.”

“Sans, I think _you’re_ the one who’s conflicted about this.”

“I’m gonna miss you, bro.”

 _“Sans.”_  Papyrus huffs.  “You say this like you’re moving to another country.  I don’t even think we’ll be spending much more time apart than usual.  After all, for years in a row, we lived in this house and I barely even saw you!”

True.  You’re also worried living alone will be too expensive, but if worse comes to worse and he has to sell the house, Papyrus reminds you that he can always change his mind later.  He’s glad to know he has Toriel’s support if he needs it.  You and he gather most of your stuff, and you call Toriel.  She brings her car over and you pile it inside.  She and Papyrus remark that you don’t have too much.  You’re not surprised, it was all just enough to fit in your tiny bedroom.

You dump your clothes in Toriel’s closet.   _Your_ closet.  You’ll have to get used to this.  You and Toriel have different sock drawers, but you vow to start borrowing her socks.  You’ll be a riot at Grillby’s.

As worried as you were, nothing changes much now that your stuff’s at Toriel’s place.  Your feet still take you back to Papyrus’s house (is it fair to still call it your house too?) when you’re going home, and you usually find yourself back there most days.  Though usually it’s Papyrus who’s over at Toriel’s— and your place for dinner, and to help out.

With these new arrangements, weirdly, you think you and Papyrus have been spending more time together than ever.  He really is like a third parent to Frisk, he’s better at putting them to bed when Toriel’s busy with homework.

At least you can help with tutoring.

Kid’s got impressive street smarts, they’ve gotta to have survived this long and over so many timelines, but their spelling sucks and they’re not too good with basic math.  Though they can handle money pretty well.  They can add and subtract well enough.  You ask where they used to get all their money, because you vaguely remember a few otherworldly business transactions involving no more than twenty-nine hotdogs.

They got it from the monsters, they say, after running into them.  They got more money if they were killed, but still, in the beginning, they didn’t care.  They’d go from monster to monster in the Underground, to save up little by little, no matter what it took, even if it was hard.

“Geez,” you say, “sounds like some sort of video game.”

It was like a game, they tell you.  Because they could reset time at any moment if they made the wrong decision.  But it wasn’t always like that, because their consequences always caught up to them.  That part you can recall.  You can recall always feeling like something was up, that you had lived certain moments before, you recall knowing it was all pointless, because no matter what, happiness wouldn’t last.

Maybe that’s caught up with you in this world, too.  Maybe that’s why you’re depressed.  You want to tell someone about your hypothesis, you can’t tell Papyrus or Toriel, they’d never understand.  Alphys might believe you, but you can’t have her finding out about Frisk, she’d go crazy and take them apart for research.  The only one aside from the kid who knows this world exists is Fluffybuns, but with the terms you’re on, you don’t think it’d be appropriate to go talking about your feelings with him.

Maybe when they’re older, you’ll discuss it with Frisk.  What the other world’s left on this one.

It’s weird though, that the only version of time you can’t remember is the version in which Frisk was apparently some sort of saint.  Were they really?  Even someone like Frisk, you can easily see killing out of self-defence.

You wish you could forget all about it and start over.  You want to trust Frisk, but late at night, you can’t help peeking into their room to check they’re still there.  Checking their eyes for a red glint.

You check in one night and see an empty bed.  Your insides disappear.  You check downstairs and find Frisk in the kitchen.  Rummaging through drawers.  Through the knife drawer.

“Kid!”

They jump and turn around.  In their hand is a bright red apple.  “It’s past your bedtime, squirt,” you say.

They take out a knife guiltily and begin slicing their apple.  Your insides slowly return.   _‘I had a bad dream,’_ they tell you.

“‘Bout the Underground, wasn’t it.”   _Nod._  “Kiddo, I got some advice for you.”

You pause.  Finally, Frisk signs, _‘What?’_

“Forget about that place.  You’re makin’ yourself crazy over it.  Cmere, siddown.”  You sit at the table.  They sit across from you, looking nervous.  “Hand me a slice.”  They give you a slice of apple.  You munch on it.  “Frisk, everything’s changing, and you’ve been taking it all really well.  Only thing that’s getting in your way now’s these memories.  You’re gonna start school next fall, and you’ll have a lot more to worry about than a dead flower.”

Frisk winces.  They look down at their apple.  You try and soften your tone.  It’s no use, you’re no Fluffybuns, you couldn’t sound gentle if you tried.  “You and I... both need to stop pretending this world exists.  Not only does it, uhh, not, but it never existed in the first place.”  Frisk swallows.  “But... it’s not a bad thing.  You have so much here.  You’ve got so many people who love you.  That world helped you meet all of ‘em, but you’ve reached the happy ending you’ve always wanted.  So, it’s time to let that place go.”

 _‘Why,’_ Frisk asks, signing the question, without expression.

“It’s bringing you pain,” you say, closing your eyes.  “I’ve been watching you for a while now, and I think you’re safe.  That red gleam I’ve seen in dreams, it’s gone.  The one in your eyes, I mean.  You’ve done everything right here, you’ve got nothing left to worry about.”

Frisk shakes their head.   _‘I couldn’t save everyone,’_ they sign.

“That’s life, kid.  Ya win some ya lose some, but you’ve won a heck of a lot.  I know it’s been hard most your life, your _present_ life, but I think your wins outweigh your losses at this point.”

You smile hard.  You take another apple slice.  Frisk shakes their head again.  They have to remember them, they say, and they spell out the names _Chara_ and _Flowey._  “You don’t needa,” you say.  “Mom and your friend Asgore remember Chara.  They probably uhh, remember a nicer Chara than the one you remember.  They just remember a messed up kid who tried to get to a happier place instead of a creepy possessive ghost.  And hey, you know who _else_ remembers Toriel’s kids?  Undyne knew them, did she in the Underground?”

Frisk shakes their head.  They finally look at you, perplexed.  “A lot of people miss those kids.  People who’d probably understand better than me.  Hey, I think you should talk to Undies.  Think she needs someone to talk to.”

They’re so confused.  They don’t understand how Undyne could _possibly_ know of Toriel and Asgore’s adopted kid when she had nothing to do with them before; _this,_ you say, is why you need to leave that version of events behind.  “It’s mixing you up with what’s real,” you say.

But then all those people I befriended, Frisk signs, don’t exist.  Distraught, they sign that you’re right, it’s not the same.  They’re gone, _everyone’s_ gone, not just Flowey and Chara’s ghost.  This isn’t what you wanted.  “Hey, I can’t tell you what’s transferred from the Underground to this world, but I _can_ tell you that everything here is real.”

Frisk shakily signs that nothing is real.

“If the love your mom has for you isn’t real, I don’t know what is,” you say, straining your smile.  And, you can’t add this out loud, but whatever you have for them is real.  Whether it’s love, or just camaraderie, it’s pretty genuine.  “Would you really leave her behind if you had the chance to go back?”

Frisk finishes their apple.  “She’d be sad,” you continue.  “Papyrus would be sad.  Undies’d probably blame herself.  Asgore’d be angry he didn’t take you in.  All your friends would miss you.”  You stop yourself.  This is definitely something your old dad would do: he’d guilt-trip you into manipulating your own feelings.  “I’d...”   _What are you doing._  “I’d... miss you, a lot.  So, hang in there, okay?”

 _‘What about the skeleton you?’_ asks Frisk.

“You’re probably still with him.  Heck, if you’re here, maybe there’s a version of you in the other world who remembers this one.  I doubt you’ve completely disappeared from that place.  That is, if you were born in this one.  Heh, don’t make me confuse myself.”

Frisk wipes their eyes.  Underneath their bangs, you didn’t realize they’d been crying.  “We’ve all gotta work on letting go,” you say.  “I’m letting go of bein’ Papyrus’s permanent housemate.  You ‘n me, we’ve got more in common than this other world junk.  You’re goin’ back to school, and lookit me, I’m like, twenty-six or something, and I think I’m going back to school, too.”

When the hell did you decide this?  Frisk asks: _‘What the hell?’_  Then they narrow their eyes.

“Mom’s not here, you can curse all ya want.”

They flip you off.  You chuckle.  “D’you think I do a good job teaching you?”  Frisk replies with a non-committal gesture.  “Haha, welp.  You gonna have another apple?”   _Shake shake._ “Then let’s get back upstairs... mom’ll kill me if she knows we had a talk this late at night.”  You stand.  Frisk stands.  “I’ll read you the next chapter,” you offer.

You walk with Frisk back upstairs, watch them get into bed, and to your surprise, it takes just two pages before they’re conked out.  You close the book back up and stick it on their shelf.

You’ve still got no idea what kind of past they’ve had, but still, you wonder if this kid realizes how lucky they are.

☠☠☠

Maybe it’s the meds, but something wild in you decides to commit to Undyne’s stupid suggestion.  You tell Toriel you wanna do it.  You really do wanna be a teacher.

She picks you up.  “What,” you say.  She squeezes you.

“I,” she says, “would love that.”

If you really wanna go down this road with her, she’ll support you.  You’ll be teachers together.  You guess you really are letting go, it’s time to say goodbye to the hotdog stand.  You get in touch with your network to find someone willing to buy it.  With your great connections, it’s a matter of days.

Papyrus is delighted.  You won’t be in danger of slipping, or getting sick, and you’re finally pursuing a _real_ career.  Frisk is not as happy.  Nor are your customers.  Frisk and the kids who buy your hotdogs are devastated.  The little girl who’s infatuated with you wails when you tell her you’re closing up in a few days, and begs you to stack a million hotdogs on her head.

“Sorry buddy, the limit’s twenty nine.”  You reach out and pet her hair.  “It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.”

Her mother doesn’t say anything, doesn’t tell you to take your grubby hands off her daughter, she doesn’t even give you a disapproving look.  She just sighs and looks at you sadly.  “You can have two hotdogs, Sally,” she tells her daughter.

“But hotdog man said twenty-nine!  I want twenty-nine, hotdog man!”

She bangs her fists on the counter.  “Twenty-nine!  Twenty-nine!”

You give her two.  “How ‘bout you can have these on the house instead.”

“I want them on me.”

You smile and stack them on her head.  Her mother offers you money, but you refuse it.  She doesn’t say anything else, not thank you, but her daughter goes home happy.  It won’t be the last time you’ll see her.

Frisk feels like their world is crumbling.  Hotdogs were such a big part of the you they know.  “This is why I want you to start letting go,” you tell them.  “A lot’s gonna change.”

As a small consolation, the day you sell your hotdog stand, you serve barbeque for dinner.  You grill up hotdogs and hamburgers on the stove, telling Toriel to sit back and not cook a thing.  She’s not used to this.  She can’t remember anyone making dinner for her since she was a kid.

“This is amazing,” Toriel comments.  “You know what this means, I am going to ask you to make dinner more often.”

“Oh no.  I’m useful.”

Toriel sure loves cooking, but she loves baking more, and sometimes, she’s too busy to cook.  And sometimes she’s not.  But still, you discover you’re great with meat, so you take on that responsibility as often as you can.  When Papyrus is over he criticises everything you do.  The flame’s not high enough; you’re not stirring hard enough; you’re going to fall asleep and let the food burn.

“If only you could set the oven to 800,” he says.  “Then you could cook the food in half the time!”

“It doesn’t work that way, bro,” you say.  He doesn’t believe you.  You don’t argue.

Toriel points out that if you want a job teaching in her school, it’d be a good idea to get some experience.  Do some volunteering.  You hate the entire idea of it.  You hate working without getting paid; you hate working in general.  “What’s the reward in volunteering,” you ask Papyrus.

“Making people happy, out of nothing but the goodness of your own heart!”

“Self-gratification, then.”  It’s something he and Undies have in common, they love feeling good and heroic.  Really, you guess they’re as selfish as you.  But at least their selfishness is doing the world some more good.  “Think I’m gonna come with you next week,” you say.  “Gotta practice bein’ with kids, and, stuff.”

“And _stuff.”_  He nods.  “I never thought I’d live to see you this driven!”

“I never thought _I’d_ live to see me driven at all.”

He says this is great, Frisk’s been wanting to come too.  Oh yeah, you realize, they’ve got friends there. Next sunday you all pile into Undyne’s car; she stops at Toriel’s house this time to pick you all up.  She doesn’t come in to say hi.

“How ya doin’, Undies,” you greet.

She scowls, then she sees Frisk.  She grins.  “You gonna train with us later, little punk?”

Frisk nods.  “Are you gonna beat up Frisk,” you ask.  “I’m not gonna let that happen.”

“I’ll do whatever I _darn well please.”_

“We are _not_ going to harm a hair on Frisk’s head unless it’s to muss up their hair!” says Papyrus, climbing into the front seat.  You sit with Frisk in the back.

“You, I trust.”

Frisk taps you on the shoulder.   _‘Actually,’_ they sign, _‘he’s beat me until I passed out and then he threw me in a shed.’_

“What.”

_‘Skeleton Papyrus.’_

“What the.  Did I ever do anything like that.’

_‘Yeah but I’d have to kill everyone else in the world first.’_

_‘So Papyrus,’_ you sign, _‘would be more likely to beat you up than me?’_

_‘Also mom.’_

_‘Are you kidding me?  I’m the pacifist in the Underground?’_

Frisk shrugs a non-committal shrug.  More likely, you guess, you were just too lazy to fight.  Too tired.  You think you remember feeling that way.  But fuck this, you told Frisk to forget about that world.  You can’t think about it anymore, either.

You’re in the present, this time and place, and Frisk seems to be remembering that pretty well today.  They hurry out of the car when you arrive, and rush to meet their friend.  You finally get to see the inside of this building you’ve only seen in many, many pictures.

The armless kid in the _Monster_ shirt gasps when they see Frisk, and they run at each other.  You don’t have much time to react before you’re swarmed by other kids with varying disabilities.

They seem to recognize you.  Monster kid joins the swarm, too many voices ask you too many questions at once.  “Are you Papyrus’s brother?” someone yells.

“Who?”

“Yeah, you’re Papyrus’s brother!”

“Really?  You don’t _look_ like Papyrus!”

“Yes, yes,” Papyrus says, putting a hand on your shoulder, “this is Sans!”

“Who the heck is this guy,” you say.  Some of the kids laugh.  Some of them are still confused.  You don’t have enough hands to shake all of theirs at once, so you let them shake your cane.

“Yo, yo Sans!” says Monster kid.  “You broke your leg, right?  Is that why you have a cane?”

“Nah, this is for show.”

 _“Yes,_ that’s why he has a cane,” Papyrus sighs.

Undyne watches with a weirdly neutral expression for her.  You guess she’s too used to being the center of attention around the kidlets, she doesn’t know how to relinquish it.

“How’d you break your leg?” asks MK.  “Did you fall?  Did you get hit by a car?  Yo, I bet it hurt a lot!  Did you cry?”

“Uhh...”

“One time I broke my leg and I had to be in a wheelchair for months, ‘cause, I can’t use crutches.”

“I know what that’s like,” you sigh, but that’s not completely true, at least you have arms, even if they broke a whole lot.  “But hey, you know your friend Mettaton used to need a wheelchair for a long time before he found a good doctor.  Did he tell you that?”

“Yeah!  Mettaton’s awesome!  I wanna be an actor too!”

A kid elbows MK out of the way.  “How come _you’re_ everyone’s favorite?  I wanna meet Papyrus’s brother, too!”

“Hey, no one fight!”  Undyne finally intervenes.  She gives the pushy kid a look before he hangs his head and says he’s sorry to Monster kid for pushing them.  “Good job!” Undyne says.  She gives the kid a proud smile.  The kid smiles to himself.

These kids, all of them, are spoiled rotten.  Here you are, a free magician.  You’ve got a great audience, and it’s been a while since you performed magic tricks.  You use Frisk as an assistant.  Frisk wants the flashy skimpy costume, but they’re in their usual striped shirt, so maybe another time, you say.

You guess you really do like kids better than grown people, because they’re not grown, and neither are you.  You can literally see eye to eye with most of them.  There’s something satisfying about watching people have to bend to your level to talk to you, but you’ve got plenty of other friends for that.

Now that you’ve sold the hotdog stand, you think that maybe, from now on, you wanna keep doing this.  You’ve always thought of this volunteer work as Undyne and Papyrus’s special bonding time, but things are different now.  She’s not just Papyrus’s substitute for a proper sibling, she’s a part of your family, too.

Your family’s expanding at an alarming rate.  You’ve never had a blood family, so for you, it’s something that’s found.  It was just Papyrus for so many years, till you let Alphys in, and when you thought you’d closed yourself off again completely, a funny woman omegled her way in.  You never thought Undies would join, she sorta belonged to Papyrus, and hell, the last person you expected to let in was Frisk.

Playing with their old friends, they’re... happy.  Satisfied with this world, it seems.  They need a translator, they ask you to ask some kids if they can come over sometime.

You don’t have the energy to go with Undyne and Papyrus to train, or play, or whatever they do when they hang out, but you leave Frisk with them.  Toriel wishes you’d thought to ask her first.

“Sorry,” you say.  “Guess this is my first screwup as a parent?”

“It’s alright,” she says dismissively.  “I suppose if Papyrus is with them I don’t mind, but Undyne is something else.  I do not know if I trust her alone with Frisk.”

“She was your babysitter.  And _you_ said yourself you shoulda trusted her more.”

“Well, her actions from a few months ago changed my mind.  If she is so inclined to throw temper tantrums she can throw them for her own children.”

“Undyne’s great with kids,” you say, smiling, but a little... angry?  Indignant?  “You can’t be like that with her.”

“Do not worry, she reminded me that day a few months ago that if I ever tried to keep her away from Frisk she would report to Asgore and he would take them away.”

“She did say sorry.”

Toriel takes a breath through her nose.  “She did.  Forgive my foul mood, it happens sometimes.  I cannot help that sometimes I just feel angry at everyone for no reason at all.”

You leave her alone then, alone to stew, till she’s feeling better lately.  When Undyne drops Frisk off back home, Toriel goes out to say hello.  She thanks Undyne for taking care of Frisk.  Undyne offers a cold You’re Welcome.

You and Frisk exchange a look.  Inside, they ask Toriel if they can have some friends over.  Why certainly, Toriel replies, and it sounds like her mood’s passed.

A couple days later, Monster kid comes over to play with their big sister.  The girl has arms, but frankly, in your opinion, she’s a jerk.  She jabs her younger sibling with insults, but they’re not very good.  It’s name-calling, mostly.

Two more friends join later.  They play outside, the snow’s all gone; Spring is just beginning.  Frisk is living in the moment, just as you told them to.

Toriel stands outside the door and watches them.  You look up at her.  She stares intently at the kids.  Her mouth trembles.  She blinks, and quickly wipes her eyes.

“You okay?” you ask.

She nods, covering her mouth with one hand.  Monster kid yells something about how they can’t play tag; it’s not fair.  How is he supposed to tap people?  Use your nose, stupid, says their sister.

Toriel turns away.  She quickly walks back inside the house.  You follow after her.  “What’s going on.”

“I just...” she whispers in a quavering voice, “never though... I’d live to see the day...”

She lets out a sob.  “I’m sorry,” she cries, “I have to be alone a minute.”

She hurries upstairs to her room and slams the door shut.  You hear her bawling from the bottom of the stairs.  Welp.  What she’s feeling now isn’t yours to share.

You go back outside and sit yourself down on the ground.  Frisk and the others run in circles around you.

It’s been years since Toriel’s seen this, too much for her to handle.  You can’t imagine her wild mix of emotions, because you don’t— you _can’t_ understand.  You’ll comfort her later, when she’s ready.

Till then though, someone’s gotta watch the kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's still some ends to tie up, but not as many. There's Undyne and Toriel, but also, don't forget Flowey.
> 
> I'm sorry I keep putting off the end of this, I've been busy for like the first time in my life. A lot of stuff in this chapter might have seemed like a wrap-up because it was going to be until I decided some last issues needed their own chapter.
> 
> also i asked on tumblr who papyrus should kiss because he's like the only main character who hasn't kissed anyone yet and no one said toriel but in the end it wound up being Toriel.
> 
> WHY DOES ASGORE HAVE A BROTHER? who is this mysterious dreemurr, idk why but he strikes me as the type of person (in a non-canon au) who'd have a brother he never talks to. Whether he's older or younger is up to you, first I was thinking he was older and didn't like Asgore because he wound up more successful than him, let's name this Dreemurr... Buttcarnage. Brother of Assgore. yknow what, he's with Spaghetti Mom now. They're married. Asgore is Papyrus's uncle in this AU. or something, don't take any of this seriously.
> 
> anyway, hope you appreciated the easter egg. when will people cease coveting toriel as a family member
> 
> EDIT: papyton or no papyton? I'll take the popular opinion but u gotta say why. IF YOU WANT PAPYTON U GOTTA LEAVE A NICE LONG COMMENT, SAME IF YOU DON'T. if ur neutral I'd appreciate it anyway


	37. Last Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's followed me all this way. It's been a long journey.

School is a load of bullshit.  Now this teaching job— you don’t even know if you’re gonna get it at the same school Tori works at.  If an associate’s degree, some experience tutoring college students and a foster child and being popular with kids looks impressive to the principal, you’re in luck.  Dear old dad never thought this was something you’d ever do, so at least showing up to class gives his ghost the middle finger.  You’d always preferred easier methods of flipping people off, like the hand motion.  It was easier, sometimes, than outright saying “fuck you.”

Everyone else gets their free time when it’s your turn to crack open the books and work.  Toriel’s helping you pay for your classes, she considers it a worthy investment.

You better get this job.

Pap’s a big support, he helps keep house and care for Frisk now that you can’t catch a break.  You still hold the desk job.  You’ll keep bringing in an income till Tori’s investment pays off.

His encouragement’s great, he’s so, so proud that you’ve found something you want to do.  For _yourself._  You wish you could be a musician, or a comedian, you like entertaining.  Making people laugh.

“Well, bring that to the classroom!” Toriel says.  “Children don’t get to laugh enough these days because some teachers forbid it.  Make children love going to school.”

Yeah.  This is what you were meant to be.  Comic Sans.  Putting on a smile, getting one out of everyone else, and taking their smiles back in.  Their _real_ smiles; the realer their smiles, the realer they’d make yours.  “Make the children smile, the way you make me smile,” says Toriel.

She says it like you’ve got the job already, though she’s already convinced it’s yours.  You’ll have to work for it.  Fight like Toriel’s been fighting.  It’s so, so hard.  So draining.  But you have the night to look forward to, a soft warm bed with a soft warm Toriel in it, nice and soft to sleep on.  Her chest, her heartbeat, you could get lost in it.  Her soft kisses are nice, but keep you awake.

“I’m so tired,” you’d whisper.

“I know,” she’d murmur, petting your hair, stroking your cheek, “and you are doing so, so incredible.”

“This is my first week of classes.”

“You’re doing your best.  I’m proud of you.  Papyrus and Frisk are proud of you.”

“I wanna... help out more.”

“I love you.”

She’d kiss you, softly on the mouth, wait for you to kiss her back.  You’d give her a peck on the corner of her mouth, too tired for passionate makeouts.  Another time.  She’d hum softly, stroke your hair, and you’d drift off in minutes.  Not like being put out quickly by drugs, but by, gently lifting you out of consciousness.  You think her humming carries into your dreams.

Toriel’s happy, because her dream is already realized.  This fall, she and Frisk are going to school together.  It was actually a stellar recommendation from one of the staff that got her attention, a glowing letter written by Ms. Peixes-Serket and heavily revised by Alphys.

Undyne wanted her to get the job so she’d start bringing in money again.  It’d suck if her inheritance and alimony ran out.  So she went to her network and had them all praise Toriel, she dragged Toriel along to the physical therapy center, she did everything she could to have Tori get that job.  You’re so confused, Alphys thinks she’s overcompensating, you think she’s pushing herself.  You’ll have to accept one day that Undies is just really weird.

It’s May, you know this because Tori got a new calendar of her own.  It’s decorated with different pictures of goats in fancy hats.  May’s goat wears a sunhat similar to Toriel’s.

You’ll have the month of July off of school to vacation and be a family.  Toriel wants to do something fun together.  Papyrus wants a road trip, but he promised he would do that with Undyne when they graduated college.  That didn’t wind up happening last year, and Undyne insists they need to go on one with Alphys.  Alphys wants you to come, too.

You’re not much of an adventurer, but you’ll do what everyone else is doing.  The only problem with this road trip was that Undies asked Asgore a couple months back if he’d like to drive across the country with her and her friends.  If he says yes, she tells you, I’m gonna let him come along and ditch Toriel.

It’s not mean, she has everyone’s best interests at heart.  Asgore and Toriel stuffed in a car together for three weeks wouldn’t be much of a vacation for anyone.

Frisk’s still in contact with the guy, you see them video chatting often.  At least once a week, Asgore calls Frisk in the evening.  He asks if they need anything.  He’s sent gifts.  He sent some of Asriel and Chara’s old clothes once; Toriel called him to yell at him and made Asgore promise he would not send anymore of the childrens’ old things.  She begged him to give them away.  She got rid of whatever she could before Frisk found it.

You find her one night in your room, fiddling with your rubber bands.  Your heart skips a beat.  You hear a loud _snap._

“What are you doing with those.”

Toriel turns her head.  “I hope you don’t mind, I will buy you more.”

“But—”

“I am only breaking them.”  She stretches on a purple one until it snaps.  “I find it cathartic.”

“Whatever works,” you say, relieved.

When she’s _this_ pissed, it’s hard to not feel like she’s pissed at you.  Frisk feels it.  They ask who made Mom angry.  You tell them she’s having a hard time with Asgore now that they’re talking again.  “Do you wish they got along,” you ask.

Frisk shrugs.  Even without knowing the story, they say they wouldn’t expect it.  If what Asgore did in this world is anything like what he did in the Underground, they don’t expect Toriel to forgive him.  At first, they did.  They even might have wanted them to get back together at some points.  But the more times they’d lived, the more they’d paid attention, they’d... grown up.  Realized it wasn’t that easy.

“Yeah but, this ain’t the Underground.”

_‘I know.’_

“Anyway, don’t worry about Mom, Fluffybuns just made some well-meaning mistakes.  Lemme see if—”

Frisk’s phone beeps.  You look over their shoulder and squint.  “You gotta be kidding me, _Big Spicy Daddy...?_  I’m takin’ away your phone.”  Frisk smirks very unabashedly.  “What’ve you got me as.”

They scroll up their contacts to _Peice of Shit._

“I before E, kid.  Your mom sees that, you’re a goner.”

Frisk scrolls through more of their contacts, they have so, so many.  Yet they seem to be searching for just the right person.  “Who’re you lookin’ for,” you ask.  Frisk shrugs again.  “You got somethin’ on your mind, don’t you.”  Frisk doesn’t look at you.  “And you don’t know who to turn to.  Like when you’re hungry but there’s nothing in the fridge you’re in the mood for.”  Frisk swallows.  They put their phone down.  “Hey, it’s okay if it’s nothing you can tell me, but just know we’ve got your back if it is.”

By looking at their face, you don’t even need sign language to communicate.  Frisk’s not the most expressive of people, but weirdly, when you look into their face, you can read them better than anyone.  Which is useful, because Frisk doesn’t communicate enough.  The pressure’s all on you to understand them.

It’s clear you’re their best friend now that the flower’s gone.  They love playing with the others as much as you, and they love their mom more than anyone, but no one else can read their mind.  It’s pressuring, but, there’s a nice something to have someone trust you so completely.  You have to remind them to lighten up a little.  Joke with them in the car, behind their mom’s back, in your secret code.

On their way to a friend’s house, you pretend to be Toriel with her hair loopies.  Frisk signs that they look like floppy ears.  You silently agree.

“I can see you,” Toriel says sharply.  Frisk snorts.  You stifle a laugh into your hand.  Toriel huffs and turns her eyes back to the road.  She doesn’t give a hint of a smile.  Like she’s in one of her bad moods.  You cut the crap and keep your hands to yourself till you arrive.  Toriel helps Frisk out of the car.  You decide to stay in your seat.  She brings Frisk to the door and returns a few minutes later, her expression heavy.

“What’s up,” you ask.

“I will tell you when we get home.”

Her aura gives you the impression that you’re in trouble somehow.  Did you do something?  Is there something wrong?  Asgore probably did it, you think, and relax.

She opens the door for you.  You step out of her car and follow her inside.  She shuts the door softly.  She bends down and says softly, “What _is_ it that you and Frisk have been in such strict confidence about?”

“Uhh...”

“Oh do not play dumb with me, I see you signing to each other all the time as though you are speaking your own secret code.  I _know_ Frisk talks to you late in the night when you think I am asleep, what is going on?”

You close your eyes.  You open them.  “All kids have secrets.  They’ve got a tendency to latch onto the one person they think they can trust.  I was like that.”

“But you are not a child and you should know better!”

Toriel’s eyes bore into yours.  You feel a sinking feeling, and an unpleasant tingling in your hands and feet.  Fuck.  “What’s wrong with listening to a kid’s secrets?”

“I know these are not merely the typical childhood secrets, the things Frisk entrusts you with go beyond that.”

“What makes you think that?”

“The fact that _you_ are keeping these things secret as well!”

“I’m just playing along.”

“You are _not!_  If Frisk’s secrets are of no consequence, what is it they are so hush-hush about?!”

You clench your teeth.  “I get it, heh, you’re jealous.”

“Oh cut the crap, Sans, answer the question.”

Welp, she just saved you an unnecessary explosion.  “There’s stuff... that’s on Frisk’s mind that I’m helpin’ them work out.  Some personal shit.  We’re not uhh, tryna exclude you, it’s just stuff that has to do with our history.  Back before Frisk met you.”

“Right, and that explanation is as clear as mud.”

 _“Inside jokes,_ Tori.  Stuff you wouldn’t get if I told you.  I promise you it’s not a big deal.  Like uhh...”   _Find an example, make yourself believable._  “The skeleton thing, Frisk’s in on that.  We make a lotta skeleton jokes.  And... jokes about Undies bein’ a fish, I told you, it’s stupid.”

“You said you were helping them work out things.  What things.”

“Jeez.”  You back away.  “I don’t... know what to tell you, okay?   _Feelings,_ alright?  I dunno how to be more specific than that.  Just, stuff they left behind and shit—”

“Then I should know.”

“Why.”

“Because—  I have to know!  Frisk is too young to be responsible for themself, if there is something troubling them, I have to know!”

“You think I wouldn’t tell you if it was important?”

“NO!” Toriel screams suddenly.  “I WOULD NOT!”  She trembles suddenly, closes her eyes and looks apologetically down at the ground.  “I am sick of your secrets,” she says.  “You are so good at keeping them.  You kept _me_ a secret until I arrived for my first visit.  I trust you to keep secrets as much as I trust you to withhold them.”  Her volume rises pitch by pitch with each sentence.  “And I _know,_ because I know you, that you are withholding something big.  So what is it, do you want to be a parent or an older sibling?”

“Whoa, listen old lady, I was kinda thrust into this parent thing a lil quick.  I was Frisk’s friend before this, that’s the kinda relationship I’m used to.  That’s probably why Frisk trusts me like a friend instead of a dad.”

“That is it then, you do not want to lose Frisk’s trust, because where would you be then? You would not be Frisk’s favorite anymore.”

“Ha, right back atcha old lady, guess you’re projecting because you really wanna be Frisk’s #1.  What if I told you you were?  Would you think I was lying?   _You_ were Frisk’s final destination!  Frisk survived a storm and crossed cities to get to you.  Not me.”

“You are wrong.  Understanding my child can be the difference between life and death.  I sensed this with Chara, _years_ ago, that things were wrong, but I did not act as I should have.  I will not make the same mistakes with Frisk, I _cannot_ let a child with such a past have secrets!”

“You’re just waiting for me to say something different,” you say with a grin.  “Aw well, this may not be the juicy stuff you were looking for, but Frisk believes in some supernatural crap that they don’t think they can tell you, cause you’d think it’s ridiculous!”

“Does this have anything to do with the voices you claimed they were hearing?”

 _Fuck._  “Yeah, something like that, but it’s, kinda different.  They don’t really _hear_ the voices, but they get the sense they’re out there.”

“That!” Toriel yells.  “Was very, VERY IMPORTANT!  Chara had delusions, too!  Delusions of grandeur that made them take their life, and _nearly_ the life of their brother!”

“It’s not like that,” you say.  “Frisk... _knows_ they’re not real.  It’s more like, they wish they were, and it’s like, a kid who plays in an imaginary world, it’s— it’s complicated, actually it’s not—  I’da told you if it was life threatening, ‘fact, I did.  Remember?  I told you a while ago.”

“But they are still going on—  You do not believe in that utter bullshit, do you?  Asgore and Gaster used to discuss the supernatural for _hours,_ they sounded like children, it was scary.  And after Gaster died he’d talk with Alphys about the same horsecrap and he’d try to tell me all about it later like it was real—  Did _he_ do this?  Did he poison Frisk’s mind with fantasy?”

“No.  Think I supported anything my old man believed in?”  Your hip’s starting to get stiff from standing for so long.  “I’ve been tryna convince the kid what’s real and what’s fake.  I didn’t tell you ‘cause the kid’s already lonely, they need someone to trust.  But hey, I told you, are you satisfied?”

“How can I know that is all?”

“Do you remember anything we talked about?  I told you, another world where Undies is a freaking fish.  If you were listening in at night sometimes, did you overhear anything that sounded like a bad ten-year-old’s sci-fi?”

“I don’t know.  It was confusing.  Like you two were talking in secret code.”

“It’s another world Frisk believes in, where we all knew each other, but Undyne’s a fish.”

“Is that it?”

“No, in this world I’m an actual skeleton and, you ‘n I...”  You try to envision the monster queen Toriel but you can’t, you’ve never seen her.  “It’s a complex world.  ‘Stead of meeting on the internet, it was a giant purple door.”  Did that jog anything?  You look into her eyes.  You don’t see anything like recognition.  “I listen to their stories and I tell em, that’s great kid, but we’re living in the real world and you should probably go play with your friends.”

“I just...”  Toriel blinks.  “I do not understand.”

“Frisk’s a kid, kids are weird.  When I was Frisk’s age I probably still believed future me was gonna pick up me ‘n Papyrus in a time machine.”

“I do not care how ludicrous, whether Frisk believes Undyne Peixes-Serket to be a fish, or an octopus, or a... a fucking _crumple-horned snorkack_ for all I care, I expect to know.”

“You’re never gonna know everything about Frisk.”

“But you do.”

She looks coldly through you.  “I can’t apologize for that,” you say with a shrug.  “Is there anything else?  Or can I go now?”

Toriel’s eyes darken.  “You may come and leave as you please.  I am not the boss of you.”

“You’re the _Boss_ till you become Bones!”  You point her the finger-guns, then turn on your heel before you can see her reaction.  You walk out, shutting the door behind you to keep the bugs out and Toriel’s cold fury in.

Well fuck, how are you supposed to feel about this?  Guilty that you didn’t tell her?  Guilty for telling Frisk’s secret?  Did they ever ask you to keep the Underground secret in the first place?  This is just too much, you need something heavy to drown your senses in.

Your feet take you to the heavy atmosphere of your favorite old place.  Grillby’s smells especially pungent in the heat.  Nice.

You close your eyes and let the grease wash over you.  Then you open your eyes to take in your surroundings.  First thing you see is a line of red hair hanging on the head of the person in Ugly’s usual spot.  But it’s not Ugly, and it’s not Red either, she’s the only person in the diner besides for you and Grillbz.

Maybe there really is a God and it sent her here to tell you _I told you so._  You sigh and walk up to the hunched figure on the stool.  You take a seat beside her, on her blind side.  Her head turns sharply, but her one eye seems glazed over.  “Hey, Undies.”  You glance into her drink.  A strong-looking, dark yellow liquid.  “What brings you here.”

“Gettin’ a drink, fucko.”

“Nice.  Grillbz, I’ll have what she’s having.”

Grillby turns around to pour you a drink.  Undyne doesn’t look at you till he places a glass in front of you.  “Undies, I want you to do me a favor and gimme a nice, smug ‘I told you so,’ or I don’t know, ‘I warned you,’ or any variation.”

“Who pissed in your cup.”

“It could only have been my #1 man.”  You wink at Grillby.  He does not look amused.  “So what’s up.  What’s new.”

“You don’t look good.”  Her eye sharpens.

“More perceptive than usual, sis.  Cmon, say it.”

 _“I told you so?_  Is this about Toriel?”

“You know it.”

“Damn.  Did you get in a fight or something?”

You take a swig.  It’s disgusting.  Tastes like chlorine.  “Yep, about Frisk.  She yelled at me ‘cause she thought I was keeping secrets from her about the kid.”

You wait for her eye to narrow.  For her to start spewing more venom about Toriel.  Instead her shoulders hunch more.  She looks, subdued.  “This isn’t... the first time you fought, is it?”

“Kinda.  Yeah, I guess so.”

“Did she throw anything.”

“No?  Look, it’s not like it was with Asgore—”

“Yeah, ‘cause she’d throw a vase at a seven foot tall man but not at a breakable _midget.”_  She blinks slowly.  She seems really upset.  “Whatever.  Fights happen.  It’s probably a good thing.”

“How the hell.”

“Honestly, I thought your relationship wouldn’t work out ‘cause you think the sun shines out each other’s asses.  And once you realized it didn’t, you’d...”  She trails off.

“Yeah, I know,” you say.  “You think we’re too in love to see each other’s flaws, don’t you.  Welp, you don’t know too much about our relationship.”

“Nope,” Undyne slurs.

“Yeah, we know really well we’re not perfect.  I just, can’t tell if this is my fault or not.  Maybe I shouldn’t’ve kept secrets, it’s... hard to know what’s right.”

“If you ask me, she sounds jealous.”

“Heh, that’s what I said.”  You swirl your drink around and listen to the ice cubes clink around in the glass.  “I don’t wanna fight.  It’s tiring.”

“Too bad.  You can’t expect not to ever fight.”  She pauses.  “I’m here... for the same reason, okay?  I got in a fight with Alphys.”

“Dang.  What happened.”

“We found two nice apartments, one’s closer to Snowdin and one’s an extra twenty minutes away from Waterfall.  So, I wanted to live near Snowdin.”

“And Alph doesn’t?”

“I thought... she must have liked the other apartment better.  But somehow, I could _tell_ she was hiding something else from me.  So I _finally_ got it out of her, she told me there’s people in Snowdin she doesn’t want to see again.”

“Classic Al, who’d she cut open.”

“Mrs. Drake.”  Undyne frowns.  You shudder, damn, Mr. Drake’s a good friend of yours, he’s in the comedy business.  “And, I wish she’d told me before instead of being vague, and, she got upset at _me_ for getting upset and here we are!”

Undyne finishes her drink and slams the glass down.  “Isn’t it more your style to punch out your frustration,” you ask.

“I _did,_ but, yknow, there’s only so far punching and eating rocks can get you!”  Undyne reaches into her pocket.  She crumbles dust and tiny pebbles onto the counter.  “I love to eat rocks!  But it’s not solving my problems!”

“Did you chew that up.”

“Yeah.”

“Nice.  Hey, it’s not fair for Alph to keep you from your friends.  A forty minute drive into Snowdin’s gonna complicate your life a lot.  You’ve got a job here, and you’ve got Frisk.  Alphys knows that, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, so of course she feels really bad about not wanting to live here.”

“Why doesn’t she just move into Waterfall?  There wouldn’t be room for her lab equipment, but doesn’t she wanna quit all that?”

“Lemonbread,” Undyne says.  “Don’t know her?  She’s Shyren’s sister.  Apparently she was involved, too.”

 _Involved with what?_  “You know I love Alphys, but that’s not fair.”

“Hey, I don’t _want_ to keep living in Waterfall.  My apartment isn’t big enough for raising kids.”

“Does Alph even _want_ kids?”

 _“Yeah._  Especially since Frisk!  And she _knows_ it’s important to me, and I’ll probably be doing most of the raising anyway.  I can change diapers!  In fact, I can’t _wait_ to change diapers!”  Sounds like this isn’t her first drink.  “I just... wish she’d be more honest, yknow??”

“Yep.”

“You know... why I moved to Waterfall, don’t you?”

“Nope.”

Undyne sighs.  “The old turtle was living there.  Yknow, Gerson.  You know Gerson?”  You nod.  “Well, looks like he might kick it any day now.  He was a really important childhood friend, so I wanted to be close to him... look in and make sure he was doing okay... put away his groceries and help him cross the street, but... he’s dying.”

You take a sip and sit back.  “And how does that make you feel.”

Undyne’s eye narrows.  “What do you think, he can’t remember my name half the time I come through the door, he’s so sick, at least... he finally got himself a nurse.  So... he doesn’t really need my help anymore.”

“That sucks,” you say.

“Not really.  He’s ninety-three years old.  Everyone kicks it eventually.”

“Izzat why you’ve been so uhh, sad.”

“Maybe!  But who cares, finding out why isn’t gonna change anything.  It doesn’t matter!”

She grits her teeth.  Looks like it does matter.  “Undies, your problem is you care too much.  Try caring a little less and you’ll be able to lose childhood friends more easily.”

She shakes her head.  With each passing event, she seems less and less strong.  Since losing Chara, and Asriel, nearly losing Alphys, and now her old friend, she’s realizing little by little how little control she has, and that sucks for her, but you know this already, you knew it before.  You wonder for a second if she’ll become like Toriel and close herself off, but you realize she’d never become like Toriel, she’d keep herself open and keep caring and keep letting things get to her.

It’d be really nice if they were friends.  They could learn a thing or two from each other.

“Well,” Undyne finally says, “I still think Toriel’s a nut but at least I can tolerate her.  I think you two are gonna be okay.”

“Heh, means a lot coming from you.”

“Because fights end in making up!  And that brings you closer!  You learn from each other by fighting!”  Undies hiccups.  “It’s healthy!”

“Okay.”

“Tell Toriel how you feel!”

“Tell Alphys how _you_ feel.”

“Yeah, I’m planning on it—”

“Think she’s already planning your makeup sex.”

“HECK YEAH!” Undyne screams.

“I’m lost,” you say.  “I mean, with this whole parenting thing.  You’re upset because you’re not used to losing control, but, heh, I’m not used to _having_ it.”  Undyne’s eye probes you.  “Suddenly I gotta, take care of another person and, it’s weird, I wish I were more like you so I’d know what to do.  Damn, you’re gonna make a bomb-ass mom.”

You smile at her.  Undies seems taken aback by the compliment.  She glares as though she’s wondering what the pun was.  “Uhh, thanks?”

“You’re great at taking control but also being fun— kids like you— teach me how to do it.”

“Okay.  But I’ll warn you I don’t have any _real_ parenting experience.”

“What should I do about Frisk.  Do I keep their secrets or tell Toriel.”

“I don’t know!”

“Thanks.”  You exhale hard.  “I’ve been at this just a few months and I’m already a shitty parent.”

“I doubt Toriel thinks that,” says Undyne.  “Calm the fuck down and stop coming to such extreme conclusions!  Just make up with Toriel sooner rather than later because she hates to be left hanging.  She’ll consider you a coward if you run away.”

“Mmm.”

“I’m sure, unless she’s a complete moron, she’s gotta know how lost you feel.  Just let her know.  And if you don’t have her support, leave her.”

“Uhh...”

“I think... you’re too worried about it,” Undyne says.  “Just... talk to her.”

“Okay.”

“Anyway, I should be heading back now.”  She stands up and walks out of the diner.  Her stride is steadier than you expected it to be.  You follow her out.

“You’re not planning to drive home, are you?”

“What of it.”

“Lemme drive you.”  She glares at you.  “You did me a favor, okay?  I needed to talk.  I’ll get a ride from Waterfall, you’re paying.”

Undyne scowls.  Then, finally, she says, “Fine.”

You don’t remember the last time you drove a car, but you manage to get to Waterfall in one piece.  After pulling crookedly into the parking lot, you ask Undies, “You uhh, gonna be okay?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve been off, lately.”

“Thanks, _Papyrus,”_ she spits.

“Just... try not doing anything self-destructive?  You can try breaking rubber bands if you—”

“I’ve got all the coping methods I need, I don’t need your help.”

She looks away.  She really is tsudere.  “Yeah I guess... whatever you’re going through just needs time?  It’s—”

 _“Thanks,_ ” Undyne interrupts, “for the help, but, I don’t need anything from you.”  She opens her door.  You step out after her and hand her her keys.  “It does mean a lot that you wanna help, but it’s nothing.  Gerson’s gonna kick the bucket and then I’ll move on.”

“Awright.  Guess I should get back to Tori.”

“You can do it!” Undyne yells.  “You’re _gonna_ make things right!”

“Yeahhhh... hey.”  You smile hopefully and open your arms.  “Hug?”

First, Undyne scowls.  Then her scowl melts.  “Aw fuckit...” she sighs, and bends down to squeeze you.  You squeeze back happily.

“I love you when you’re drunk,” you whisper.

“Watch it, little man.”  She gives your shoulder one final pat then sashays off.  You feel much better.  You call a ride and get a driver who’s not River.  Now that Frisk’s back, you wonder if you’ll ever see River again.

You come back to an empty house.  Frisk’s still at their friend’s house, and Toriel doesn’t seem to be anywhere.  You call for her, but your voice never reaches very far.  You sit down in the kitchen and wait.

You call Toriel.  She doesn’t pick up, but she sends you a text that tells you she’ll be home in a few minutes.  She comes back with a stack of librarby books.  “You were gone a while,” she says cooly.

“I was just at Grillby’s,” you say.  “And I had to take half an hour to drive home a friend who was wasted.  How’s it going.”

“Very well,” Toriel sniffs.  She sets her books down on the counter.  “Sans, I apologize for yelling at you.”

“Thanks.”

“I could tell you were frightened.  I should have brought up my concerns more gently.”

“Eh, I don’t mind too much.  Look, about Frisk...  Truth is, I still don’t know what the right thing to do is.”

“Nor do I.”

“Frisk’s a weird case.”

“Indeed.  I think they need a specialist to help deal with their... otherworldly problems.”

“I dunno, might make ‘em retreat more into themself.  I think it’s something that’ll fade with age.”

“It scares me.”

“I know, I know.  But... I think Frisk knows better now.  I... used to get similar delusions.  That’s why Frisk trusts me.”  That much is true.  “It’s not a problem anymore for me.  But, like I said I’m... new to this whole parenting thing.  I’m gonna make a lot of mistakes, and I guess keeping things about Frisk from you was one of them?”

“It’s alright.  I overreacted.  And perhaps, I am a little jealous.  I want Frisk to trust me.  It is just so hard to know when to worry, so I choose to worry always.”

“I think we’re doing the best we can.  I think as far as moms go you’re a pretty good one.”

Toriel smiles.  “Thank you...  I have had a bit of time to think, and I am, not as worried.”

“Yeah...”

“I think I need more time, though.”  She picks up a couple books.  “I will see you soon.”

She takes her books into the living room.  Welp, you survived your first fight, but you don’t think it’s quite over yet.  You bring your laptop into the living room to do some homework.  You stay with her, and you think she appreciates that.

Your phone buzzes.  Toriel looks up.

 

_*is undyne okay?  
*i think she’s in snowdin, is she mad at me???_

_*nah  
*its cool she got a lil tipsy so i drove her home_

_*you did??? O.o  
*that’s so gentlemanly of you wtf_

_*what can i say im a gentleman_ ☠ _  
*u ok_

_*yeah i’m just a FUCKING COWARD as usual!!  
*do you think if i live near snowdin i can just stay in my house all the time._

_*no  
*just come out papyrusll protect you_

_*i have a month to decide_

_*a month?_

_*didn’t you get the invitation???_

_*the what now_

_*OH MY GOD SANS YOU MOTHERFUCKER_

_*what_

_*THE WEDDING IS IN A MONTH!!_

_*whos wedding_

_*MY wedding!!  
*what the fuck is wrong with you.  i’m firing you as a friend_

_*oh i guess thats a p big deal_   
_*so are you gonna be dr peixes serket?_   
_*what the hell even is your last name_

_*SANS_   
_*You know what, you’re right!  I need to stop letting fear rule my life.  Undyne changed my life for the better and I want her to be happy.  You changed my life, in a LOT of ways so I want to be closer to you too, PERMANENTLY so you can’t run away this time!  I want to get to know Papyrus better and Frisk and Toriel and I’m tired of being the way I am.  I’m going to confront Mr. Drake if I see him in public and apologize and get it over with once and for all!_   
_*thank you sans you give great advice_

_*ur welc_

_*undyne sends me like 12 i love you texts a day maybe i should start sending them back???_

_*ok_

_*yeah!!  Bc what if she forgets it??  shes so good to me_

_*yep_

_*i’m gonna tell her right now where we’re living!  or should i wait?  is she still mad at me?  WAS she mad at me_

_*na_

_*ALRIGHT THANKS FOR TALKING I’LL SEE YOU IN A MONTH  
*if you dont forget i’m having a freaking wedding_

_*c u_

 

You’re such a wonderful, supportive friend.  Everyone deserves a guy like you in their support network.

☠☠☠

The invitation was hanging up on the refrigerator.  It turns out Papyrus had been talking about the wedding for weeks.  Even Toriel was disappointed you didn’t know.  She took Frisk out shopping for something to wear.  Frisk chose a poofy purple and turquoise striped dress.  They just can’t do away with the stripes.  You weren’t sure if you should get something fancy, Undies told you to show up in your pajamas for all she cared but you better show up.

Papyrus wants you to get a suit.  He needs one himself, he’s the best man, he needs to look his best.  Apparently Alphys has a dress, but you’re not allowed to see it until the wedding day.  No one is.  Undyne’s torn, she isn’t sure whether she wants to wear a suit or a mermaid dress.

“Which is cheaper,” you ask.

“That doesn’t matter!”

“Do you have pictures?” asks Papyrus.  “Could I see you in them.”

Undyne shows him her phone.  You try to peek over her shoulder, but she hisses at you that _you_ have to wait.  “I like them both!” says Papyrus.  “Hmm, this _is_ a really hard pick.”

“I’d say go with what’s more comfortable.”

“That would be the suit,” says Undyne.

“I was gonna say the dress, it’s the dead of summer, it’s gonna be like a million degrees.”

“Then _you_ wear the dress.”

The two of them mull over pictures for a long time.  Mermaid fits Undyne’s water theme, but it’s hard to walk in.  She really isn’t sure.  “Have you asked Alph what she prefers?” you ask.

“She likes both of them, I hate it when people like both of something!  Like!  I need help deciding!”

“Consider the butch aesthetic,” you suggest.

Undyne decides you have a point.  Papyrus has to look away from the pictures, he’s getting emotional.  Happy-sad.  He can’t believe his best friend is getting married.  He attacks her with a tearful hug, she yells at him to save it for the wedding.

“Can’t you wear the dress _and_ the suit?  How about the dress under the jacket?  You just— look so beautiful in both!”

Undyne scowls, but underneath her scowl, you can see her appreciation.  You guess at this time, you owe a visit to Alphys.  But she’s busy as hell, making preparations and getting fitted for her gown.

 

_*but after this youll be a married woman and maybe even a mom  
*when are we gonna have time to hang out_

_*well not now!_  
*after the wedding my lifes gonna calm down a LOT  
*nothing but smooching the babe and watching anime like a total loser!  
*i cant wait to get away from mtt hes such a downer

_*do you think hes gonna miss you_

_*pffft like hell._  
_*i’m on such a high rn_  
 _*i rlly would like to hang out but i just cant right now!!_

_*guess ill see you after the honeymoon then_

_*heck yeah!!  lets watch the old favorites!!_   
_*you and me and undyne!_   
_*But you can’t sleep with us._

_*so that one time_   
_*you know what happened dont you_   
_*undyne thought i was you and kissed me_

_*IT WAS ON THE NECK I KNOW I HEARD ABOUT THAT_

_*she really loves you_

_*SHE REALLY LOVES ME!_   
_*I’M LOVABLE!_   
_*GOSHDARNIT PEOPLE LIKE ME!_

_*i love you_

_*AAAAAA_

_*papyrus thinks youre cool, toriel likes you, and frisk  
*frisk loves you_

_*and I love frisk!!  
*tell frisk I love them!!!_

_*ok_

 

It’s good to see Alphys in a good mood, though you guess you won’t be seeing her in person for a while.  This is your doing, you predicted her gay fortune years ago.  You couldn’t be happier for her.

Toriel hasn’t been to a social event in years.  She tries on a few different dresses and asks what looks best.  It’s an outdoor wedding, so everything has elaborate sleeves.  You can’t pick, you tell her she looks good in everything, and Papyrus and Frisk make the decision for you.  Frisk rates every dress from one to ten, telling Tori that since she’s a perfect 10, her dress should be, too.

Frisk’s a better charmer than you’ll ever be.

It’s hot as hell, as you expected, and as the weather predicted.  Poor Toriel must be dying, though she tells you she’s used to it.  She brings along the paper parasol you bought her.

It’s kind of surreal, watching it happen, you barely notice any of the other people there.  Sure you predicted this, but that was mostly sarcasm, but, here you are and...  They look nice.  You thought Undies was gonna look butcher, the suit she picked out is white and gold and hugs her figure, she still looks kinda feminine, not as much as Alphys, though.

It’s like watching one of her dreams.  She walks down the aisle looking like a shoujo princess.  Poofy dress, hair curled into ringlets.  It’s cheesy to think, but her smile completes the effect.  She looks beautiful.

Undyne’s crying a little, she screws up her face to try to hide it, but she looks like she’s scowling at Alphys.  Toriel smiles serenely at this emotional scene.  You watch her smile.  Did everyone always look this damn good?  Even the bridesmaids, who you recognize from the cosplay picture Alphys showed you when she was sixteen, look like shoujo dreams.

So Alphys chose Bratty and Catty as her maids of honor instead of you.  She also wouldn’t let you jump naked out of the cake.  That’s what you get for leaving her for six years, she keeps reminding you.

You finally get to see Mrs. Peixes and Mrs. Serket (who once sued you for violating the copyright of her theme song, but that’s a long story), and hey, seems Undies has her mother’s eyes.  Together they have exactly one pair of eyes.  Her spidery-looking mom wears a fancy white eyepatch for the occasion, while the mom with the fish lips has the mermaid dress.

The bride and the bride share a very public kiss.  You don’t think you’ve seen Alphys look happier.  And then the real party begins, the part with food.  You finally give yourself a chance to look around and check out who’s here.

Looks like almost everyone you know.  You and Undies had more mutual friends than you thought you did.  Something furry bumps into your leg, and a scruffy man follows.  “Ack!  Who’s there?”

“Doggo?” you exclaim.  You reach for his hand and shake it while he spins around looking for you.  “The hell are you doing here?”

“Me?  I’m here for the wedding, of course!  Who are you?  Where are you?  Sans, is that you?”

“Yep, you uhh, affiliated with the bride or the bride?”

“Undyne’s a longtime friend!” Doggo barks.  “She got me out of a tight spot a few years ago, don’t tell anyone though...”  He drops his voice.  “She’s a real loyal one.  If ya ever need anyone to—  Lesser dog!  Stop moving!”

Doggo chases after his dog and disappears.  “What a poorly trained service dog,” Toriel says over your head.

“I don’ even know if they’re real service dogs.  Think they’re just pets he’s tried to train.”

Frisk darts off and chases after Doggo.  The dogs pounce on them.  Frisk laughs, petting the dogs and getting licked all over the face.

You and Toriel find your seating cards on a small fancy table; Sans Bones is easy to find, but you guess no one bothered to ask what Toriel’s maiden name is, so her card is just labeled _‘Toriel ????’_  A for effort.

You look across the landscape and notice a huge, looming figure seated on the opposite end.  Toriel avoids looking in his direction.  She holds Frisk’s hand tight and leads them to your table.  Frisk tugs and breaks free.   _‘I’m gonna say hi to everyone,’_ they sign.  Toriel stands still as she watches them run off and greet... everyone.  Seems everyone here is Frisk’s friend.

“I’m gonna find Papyrus,” you say.

“And leave me here all alone?”

“Uhhh...”

“Go on.  I am going to start on my salad.”

She looks a bit uncomfortable surrounded by all these people, but this day’s only gonna come once in your life, so you walk around to see who else is here.  Your eyes are immediately drawn to a loud maroon suit with Mettaton in it, he’s sitting at a table chatting with his cousin.  Next to Napstablook sits a creepy looking girl with bluish green hair.  “I thought... maybe...  Shryen could... sing a song on your channel,” you hear Napstablook saying.  “Remember when... we used to sing together?”

“I feel like that’s long overdue,” Mettaton replies.  “The three of us performing together...  I’m sorry, Blooky, that it’s been so long.”

You stop by at their table for a moment and smile at Napstablook.  “I like your hat,” you say, flicking the top of their white top hat.

“Oh... thank you...”  Napstablook stares blankly at you.  “I made it myself...  It’s part of a new line of clothing, I call it Dapper Blook.”

“Yo Mettaton, have you seen my brother?” you ask.

“Who?  Mm, no I haven’t.  I’m preoccupied with important business matters.”

You decide not to distract him, because you spot Papyrus with his bowtie up at table 1.  He’s gathered around a pretty big crowd surrounding the brides.  Is this the part where they tell embarrassing stories about the couple?  You get closer, there’s a flurry of movement, Asgore nearly trips over you as he walks over to the crowd.

You watch him approach and shake hands with Undyne’s old neighbor.  He looks pretty okay to you, okay enough to stand without the assistance of anything but a cane not nearly as fancy as yours.  “Wahaha, good to see you, Fluffybuns!  Where’s your sweetheart?”

“We’ve... been divorced a few years.”

“Thank goodness,” says Gerson.

You duck between Asgore’s legs and hurry over to Papyrus.  “Hey, bro,” you say.

He seems like he’s enjoying himself.  Poor Undies isn’t, everyone at the table has an embarrassing story to share about her.  There’s nowhere to sit, you don’t know how long you’ll last over here.  It’s entertaining to watch, though.  Mettaton parts through the crowd and offers Alphys his sincere congratulations.  He gives her a heavily lipsticked kiss on the cheek and pats it.

“I’ll miss you,” he says, and you see his smile fall a little.

“Oh.  Um, yeah, me too.”

Mettaton turns away from her quickly and smiles at Undyne.  “You try and kiss me and I’m gonna shove your high-heeled boot right into your other eye,” she snarls.

“Calm down, darling, I wouldn’t blow you a kiss from a mile away.”

“Good!”

“Take care of her.”

You don’t stay for whatever emotional scene is sure to follow, you have a plan, and only until Mettaton sits back down to put it into action.  You return to your table to find Toriel politely chatting with some old ladies.  “Toriel,” you say, panting slightly, “did you remember the thing.”

Toriel smirks and winks.  She hands you her purse.  You grab the whoopie cushion from inside it and hurry to Mettaton’s seat.  You slip it on, secretly, just as he gets back to it.  You and Toriel filled it with glitter.  She waits just behind you, watching to see what’ll happen.

He sits down and a resounding _FART_ splits the air.  Mettaton jumps up and looks back at his ass.  His lip curls into a cold smirk.  “I see no difference,” he says.

“Goddammit,” you whisper.  You like him.  You want him in the family.  You’ll get him somehow.

Toriel does her best to avoid Asgore.  Luckily he looks like he’s having a pretty good time with the other guests.  You get to talk to your best friend for about five seconds as you dance with her and she barely hears you over the music.  Napstablook’s DJing.  Papyrus and Undyne spin around in a circle at such high velocity they create a small tornado.  It blows you backwards.  Toriel catches you, you dance until you can’t anymore, until your leg gives out.

You sit at an empty table and rest.  Ahead of you, you see Mettaton’s glittery ass, he stares emptily into the circle, standing alone.  His cousin’s dropping sick beats, his friend Shyren isn’t anywhere to be seen, and Alphys is completely surrounded.  His eyes follow her.

You wanna ask him if he’s okay, but your leg won’t hold you.  Finally, Papyrus bursts out of the circle and grabs you.  “SANS!  WHY ARE YOU SITTING HERE!”

“Osteogenesis imperfecta.  Hey, Sparklebutt looks down.  Now’s your big—”  Mettaton turns around and walks off, his head slightly bowed, his long bangs covering his eyes.  “—Chance, dude, I think he’s feeling sentimental, go after him.”

“Wh-what?”

“Comfort him.  Wipe his tears.  Do it.”

“B-But— what happened?!”

“His friend’s moving away and— just go.  You’ll figure it out.  I have faith in you.”

He looks around for a moment, from you to the direction of the men’s room.  “Is he in the bathroom?”

“Help him get the glitter off his butt.”

“Wh—  Sans, I swear, if this is a prank—”  He swallows the rest of his sentence and hurries away.

You don’t see them, not for another hour it seems, but when you see Mettaton’s beautiful glittery pants next, he’s with your brother.  “Tori,” you say, looking up, “what do you think of this.”

“Well, they certainly are standing next to each other.”

“Yeah.”  The two of them disappear back into the crowd surrounding the brides.  “They certainly are.”

☠☠☠

When things settle down and you and Alphys finally get the chance to talk, she fills you in.  She quit her job with Asgore, she works now for a company that makes robots... or something...  It’s not as glamorous, it doesn’t pay as well, but she doesn’t care.  She made a lot of money selling her old equipment.  She’s quitting a lot of her old hobbies as well.  Best to do it now, she says, while she’s busy and distracted.  Her hobbies always served as a distraction anyway.  But she doesn’t need distractions, not anymore, at least, not for now.

Once they’ve finished moving in and settling, they invite Frisk to spend a weekend vacationing at the beach with them.  You wish you could go, but you have finals to study for and a new career to pursue.  Papyrus has decided to stay home, he wants them to have this together.  “But Frisk is gonna be there,” you counter.

“Frisk doesn’t count!” Papyrus insists, but you beg to differ.  Toriel is more than willing to let them go, you’re glad for this, this is good, Frisk is living in the moment and moving on.

They send lots of pictures.  You see them relaxing on the beach with their adopted aunts, cooking with Undyne, sitting on the couch and watching a movie.  Toriel checks in every hour, reminding Alphys and Undyne that Frisk has a bedtime, you pat her arm and remind her that Frisk is on vacation.

“I just want to make sure Frisk is being taken care of,” Toriel says.  “This is a big step for me as well, you realize, I am aware that I am... afraid of letting Frisk go.  You know how paranoid I am.”

You remind her she’s not the only one looking out for the kid anymore, but also, you’re proud of her for taking this step.

Papyrus texts you, asking _*DID YOU SEE WHAT FRISK TEXTED_

_*yeah  
*its getting kind of annoying_

_*FRISK IS A GREAT PHOTOGRAPHER_

_*eh_

 

You gotta remind the kid to respect boundaries.

 

_*hey i know youre having fun but  
*no creeping in the bedroom_

_*to late_

 

Frisk caught a dimly lit photo of Alphys and Undyne’s sleeping faces.  As a parent figure, you should be discouraging this behavior.  You’re not good at this.

When Frisk gets back home, Undies drops them off, and Toriel comes out to say hello.  Undyne still looks uncomfortable to see her, but she doesn’t say anything nasty, just goodbye to Frisk.

They seem happy.  That’s good, you’re glad they’re happy, all they talk about for the next few days is their vacation.  They don’t mention the Underground at all.  So you don’t mention it either.  For the time being, you’ll pretend you never knew it existed until Frisk forgets about it entirely.

You’ve been so out of the loop.  When Papyrus reminds you about the road trip, you realize you’d completely forgotten.  “Right.  The road trip.  Can we postpone that till I’m done with the summer classes.”

“Actually,” Papyrus says, pausing for a while.  “We’ve decided, not to invite you.”

“Welp.”

“Because Asgore’s coming, and we want this to be a pleasant trip for everyone!”

“I got nothing against Asgore,” you say.

“Well, this is a trip to celebrate everyone’s new lives.  This includes the single life!  Asgore may not be new to being single, but he’s new to being happy about it!  So I, a fellow single man, am coming with to celebrate living independently and fulfillingly.”  He nods at himself.  “Undyne and Alphys were concerned, even if Asgore didn’t say it that, you coming along, might makes him uncomfortable.”

“Eh, I guess...”

Frisk’s not invited either, they decided this road trip would be adults-only.  Papyrus especially wants you to spend some alone time with Toriel and your new kid.

You tell Toriel Papyrus is going away for a couple weeks.  “Oh, it will be lonely without him,” she sighs.  “Well I am sure we will manage somehow!  Where is he going?”

“Uhh, on a road trip with Undies and Alphys and Asgore.”  Toriel’s face turns stony.  “Don’t worry, no one’s askin’ Frisk to come.”

“Good for them,” she says emptily.

You hear through the grapevine that Asgore’s finally resigned.  He and Alph sorta did that together, decided to quit the jobs they hated cold-turkey.  Asgore’s got enough money to retire, but instead, he works as a gardener now.  You don’t know yet how this new life suits him, but you can only imagine it suits him better.  Punk Hamster’s more than happy with this development.  Now that Asgore Dreemurr’s stepped down, maybe this dismal state can be saved after all.

A couple days before the road trip, you spot Toriel on the phone, wearing a sour expression that lets you know she’s talking to her ex.  You wait till she hangs up to enter the room and ask her, “What was that about?”

“Asgore wants to visit Frisk before he sets off,” she says.  “It is not like I could stop him.  Well, he should be here sometime around noon to meet the others, I’ll warn you.”

“I’ll be fine,” you say.  “Don’t worry, I’ll be nice.”

You think you can feel his presence entering Snowdin when he arrives.  He and Papyrus are meeting here, and then, they’ll set off with Alphys and Undyne.  You keep telling yourself internally not to be an ass to him when he gets here.  You don’t think he’ll be here long.  You hope not, you don’t know how long you can go without cracking an awful ex-husband joke.

Frisk, of course, is looking forward to seeing him.  They wait outside, sitting on the front porch, kicking the dirt in their impatience.  You sit down next to them.  “It’s not like this is the last time you’ll be seeing him,” you say.

 _‘I know,’_ Frisk signs.

You rest your hand on their shoulder until an unfamiliar car pulls into the driveway.  Frisk jumps to their feet before you have your time to pick up your hand.  You hear the door opening behind you.  “You sure you don’t wanna stay inside,” you ask without turning around.

“I figured I might as well say hello,” says Toriel’s voice.  She walks forward.  Asgore steps out of his car, squeezing his body through the tiny door frame.  Frisk runs up for a hug.  Asgore quickly steadies himself and picks them up.

“Howdy, Frisk,” he says.  “It’s nice to see you again!”

You pick yourself up and join Toriel.  She watches the scene with her arms folded.  “Hello,” she says, keeping her face neutral.

“Hello, Tori— erm...”  Asgore clears his throat.  “Toriel.”

“Eyy,” you say.  “How’s it going, Dreamy.”

He looks down at you.  “Good,” he says.

Even in his great height, he seems to quell under your stares.  You finally tug Toriel’s sleeve, silently communicating that you might as well let him and the kid talk.  “I wanted to say, good luck,” Toriel finally says.  “With your new career, and the trip.”

“Thank you,” Asgore returns politely.  He clears his throat.  “Good luck... to you too.”

“I suppose I will see you some other time.”

“Most likely.”

“Goodbye, then.”  Toriel turns on her heel and walks back into the house.  You give Asgore a smile.  He doesn’t return it.

“Hey, look after Papyrus, okay?  Make sure Undyne doesn’t throw him off a cliff.”

“I... will?”

You thank him.  Then you give him and Frisk a moment alone.  They only spend a few minutes outside before Asgore takes off to meet Papyrus.  You wait those few minutes with a stony Toriel.  You experimentally tell a joke.  She doesn’t laugh.  “Tori, it can’t be like this every time,” you say.  “He’s gonna be back.”

“I know,” Toriel says.  She shuts her eyes.

Undyne texts you to let you know this trip is gonna be _hardcore._  They’re going hiking and boating and exercising a lot, probably better you didn’t come with, this trip would kill you.

 

 _*hows alphys gonna survive_  
_*shes weak like me_  
 _*not as weak as me but shes gonna hate this_

_*No she won’t!!!!!!!!  Once she gets tired we’re all gonna take turns carrying her_

 

Alphys, in the arms of her wife and Mr. Dreamy, she’s gotta be one happy camper.  You wish the mood was as upbeat in your own house.  Frisk’s been dismal since Asgore left.  And Toriel, you decide you should leave her alone.  For a while.

You look in a little later, into the living room, and find Toriel with her head in her hands.  You sit yourself on the couch, uncertain of what you should do.  You touch her arm.  “Uhh... is there... anything I can do?” you say.

Toriel shakes her head.  “Sans,” she whispers, “after all these years...”  She pauses a long time.  “I still miss him.”

Your heart skips a beat.  You seem to lose feeling in your body.  You guess you should tell her it’s okay she still feels that way, it’s only natural, you don’t feel bad, of _course_ you don’t...

“I still miss Asgore.  But.”  She uncovers her face.  “My aim is getting better!”

You blink.  “Whut.”

Toriel stands up.  She grins.  “My _aim is getting better!”_

“Uhhhh.”

“Sans, heehee, I have been acting gloomy all day, I was just waiting—”

“You freaked me out, Tori I think I died for a second.”

“It was just an act, dear, I feel fine, I feel very good actually!”  She giggles.

“You’ve been watching too much television.”

“It is true, I have been waiting days to use that!”

The mood lifts, everyone seems to be in a better mood after that, Toriel giggles all throughout dinner and Frisk asks if she told you the joke yet.  She’s proud to report she did.  Frisk gives her the thumbs-up of approval.

You guess it is a little lonely without Papyrus, you’re not too good at keeping in touch, but he keeps you filled in, letting you know every day where they are.  A couple weeks later, he sends you a picture of the four of them standing in front of the Grand Canyon.

Everyone’s beaming.  Undyne, with one arm around Alphys, the other around Papyrus.  Alphys, squinting against the sun.  Papyrus, wearing a pair of shades and his favorite Cool Dude shirt.  Asgore, in a pink flowery Hawaiian shirt, waving hello at the camera.

He looks happy.  At least, he’s smiling.

☠☠☠

You and Toriel make the most of your family time.  You sit around the house together and read.  Frisk reads, too.  You give them your old favorite kid’s books as practice.  They’re still really slow.  Toriel buys a series that her friend Barbara from the Librarby recommended, the Fairyland series, sounds perfect for a kid with an imagination.  A few pages into _The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland,_ they get wistful and moody again.  You take a look in the book, read the first few pages, and shut the book.

The main character yearns for the world she left behind in the first book.  She carries it around with her as a heavy secret, it sets her apart from her friends and keeps her bound to something she thinks she’ll never get back until the action begins.

You really wish Frisk had went on that road trip.

You’re out of school now, that went pretty quick.  You’ve only got a few weeks of summer left and you’ve barely done anything with it.  Tori’s content with staying inside, but Frisk isn’t.  It’s not good for them to sit for so long, just yearning.

You start counting down the days on your calendar until everyone gets back from their vacation.  It’ll get exciting then, Frisk will be distracted, everyone’ll be happier, except poor Fluffybuns.  But you think he’ll be okay from now on.  After a couple weeks of bonding, seems he and Papyrus are great friends now.  You missed out on hearing embarrassing Baby Undyne stories, and even the “incidents” both Undyne and Alphys mentioned when they told you about how they got together.

A lot happened in the basement of the Dreemurr mansion.  You’re not allowed to know what those happenings were.  You would have known if you’d been camping around a nice fire like the rest of them had, but you guess you’re glad they had this.  Especially Papyrus, he’s always wanted to travel, and drive with the wind blowing through his hair.

Next summer, he promises you.  Every summer after that.  Every summer for as long as you live, he’ll make it worth living, because every day he’s happy you made it.

When he finally does come back, he has so many stories to tell that he winds up spending the night, staying up late to keep talking after Frisk gets sent to bed.

You shoot Alphys a text asking if life’s calmed down enough to hang out yet.  Tomorrow, she says, sure.  You bring Frisk with you to her new apartment and settle down for a game of Mario Kart.

Undyne is terrible at it.  She doesn’t get that pressing the button harder and screaming louder won’t make her go faster.  You’re not that good yourself, you never had enough time for video games, and it turns out you’re not a natural at this.  Frisk’s great though, they compete with Alphys for first place and win equally as many matches.

You and Undyne don’t win one.  Alphys isn’t gonna go easy on you, you’re not babies, she says, Mario Kart is serious business.

On your way out, you notice something there that you didn’t bother to look at coming in.  Tacked to their door is a sign that reads _Home of Dr. and Mrs. Peixes Serket!_  The exclamation point at the end really makes it.  You wonder to yourself what kind of plaque you and Toriel should get.  There’s gotta be something ironic, something to do with Bones.   _The Graveyard_?  No, that’s terrible.

You tell Tori about the sign.  You ask for suggestions.  Instead, Toriel says vaguely, “Do you think they will make it?”

“What.”

“Those two, do you think they...”  She trails off.  “No, I should not express my doubts about the newlyweds.”

“Heh, do I think they’ll stay together?  Who the hell knows?  They’re happy now, right?  If you spend all your time worrying about the future...”  You smile.  “Life’s gonna suck.”

“It is inevitable to worry,” Toriel sighs.  “Well, I hope they work out, too.  It’s hard to expect anything good will last.”

“What’s up, are you okay.”

“Oh, you know me too well.”  Toriel sighs again.  “I suppose just hearing about how well Asgore and others from my past are doing gives me mixed feelings.”

“I think,” you say, “it’s starting to become kinda clear you’ve got some bias against them, too.”  At least Undies can acknowledge it, you think, but you don’t say it out loud; Undyne knows she still hates Toriel for personal reasons.  “Aw well, guess it doesn’t really matter s’long as everyone’s happy.”

You think Toriel’s in one of her moods again.  She seems nervous.  That night, Papyrus lets you know that Undyne cancelled her volunteering plans, and asks if you and Frisk would like to come with instead.  “That sounds... _fishy,”_ you say.  Frisk giggles.  Papyrus doesn’t get the joke.

Pap still doesn’t have a car of his own, so Tori lets him borrow hers.  The kids all wanna know when Mettaton’s coming back.  You don’t wanna burst their bubble, and Papyrus isn’t helping by saying maybe someday.

“So what’s up with Undies,” you ask on your way home.  “Is she sick or something?”

“She didn’t say,” says Papyrus.

“Oh no, is it because of Alphys again.”

“I don’t think so?  She said it wasn’t anything to worry about, she just had something that needed taking care of.”

That does sound fishy.  You have a suspicion, but it’s a stupid suspicion, that’s what you tell yourself until Papyrus pulls into the driveway and you find another car there.

“Why,” you say, staring at Undyne’s familiar car.  “Why can’t she just, quit, while she’s ahead.”

“Undyne never quits!” says Papyrus.  “But, quit what?  What do you mean?”

“I swear to eff, if she came here to harass Tori again...”  You sigh and stretch your legs.  “Welp, better get in and make sure no one’s dead.”  You step out and perk your ears.  You don’t hear anything that sounds like screaming.  That’s a good sign.

“Maybe,” Papyrus says, stepping out and joining you on the lawn, “she was looking for you?”

You doubt that.  You put your hand in your pocket, on your phone, prepared to contact the police if there’s a bloody fight going on inside.  You open the door, and still, you hear nothing.  “Hello,” you call out.

“Hello,” Toriel’s voice calls back.  You breathe.  You follow her call to the living room, Papyrus and Frisk following closely.  Toriel and Undyne are sitting, just sitting on the couch with a cushion’s worth of space between them.  Undyne glances briefly at you, then quickly looks away.

“Undyne?” Papyrus says.  “Are you... feeling better?”

“Yeah,” she mutters.

“I think we both are,” Toriel sighs.  “Well how about—”

“I’m going home,” Undyne says suddenly.  She stands up, ignoring Papyrus’s stuttered out half-question about what the hell she’s doing here, and walks past Frisk who tries to grab hold of her sleeve.

“See you next week then, Ms. Peixes-Serket?”

Undyne stops in her tracks and wheels around.  “That’s _Mrs._ Peixes-Serket!”

 _“Ms._ can be used for a married _or_ unmarried woman, you know—”

“Well I go by Mrs. now!”  She looks more like herself, but her face is weirdly blotchy.  She attempts something like a smile and gives up.  She looks at you and Papyrus.  “I just... came by to say hi!  I... had a headache earlier.  I mean a stomach ache!  But then I vomited and felt better!”

She marches to the door.  “You’re a really bad liar,” you say.

“It’s true,” Papyrus adds as the door shuts in his face.

He turns around and frowns at Toriel.   _“Well,_ what _was_ that about?”

“Did you not hear her?” Toriel asks, shifting her eyes in a very characteristic way that liars characteristically shift their eyes.  “She had a stomach ache and then came over to say hi.  Her stomach was still upsetting her a little after she threw up, so I gave her some medicine.”

“She lives with a doctor,” says Papyrus.

“Well, sometimes home remedies are better than modern medicine.”

The way she’s lying, it sounds like she’s not even trying to convince you.  But she’s not convincing Papyrus either, and he decides that if Undyne is _really_ sick he might as well let Alphys know so she can prove she isn’t.  While he texts Alphys, Toriel gives you a look that says _We’ll talk later._

Later arrives when Frisk is in bed, because you guess Toriel doesn’t believe adult conversations about adult matters are suitable for children to listen to.  By then, you completely forget everything that happened today and you’re ready to get an early night.  Papyrus remembers for you and when you’re asleep in Frisk’s desk chair on top of tonight’s bedtime story, he talks to her for you.

He reports back.  What he tells you doesn’t surprise you, there was another fight.  Toriel just recounted everything to him, so he figures she might be too tired to tell the story again.

Undyne wanted the chance to talk to Toriel alone, because she was tired of circumstances stopping her.  She was persistent.  She demanded that if she’d be forced to see Toriel’s face every day starting this Fall, she had to, just _had_ to be working with someone she could stand.  Toriel asked what she was hoping to accomplish.  Undyne admitted she didn’t know.

“Heh, I know exactly what she wanted,” you say.

“What?” Papyrus asks.

“Justice?  Eh, she knows s’well as I do she’s not ever gonna get what she wants.”

Toriel could die tonight, you think, and Undyne wouldn’t feel justified.  But Papyrus says that somehow, they managed to talk.  Toriel finally snapped and yelled at her, started speaking her language, asking if she could understand better this way.  In turn, Undyne retorted in _her_ language, speaking calmly and coldly while Toriel screamed at her for being the last thing that stood in the way of her happiness.

“And Toriel told you all this,” you ask.

“And more!”

“Wow.  She’s not... usually that honest with other people.”

“Really?”

“Nah, she’s... only honest with me.”

“Are you jealous?” Papyrus asks.

“Hell nah.”  It’s good, really good, actually.  The more of the story you hear, you realize that Undyne did get what she wanted.  Toriel’s honesty.  Her raw feelings.  Screaming at her seemed pretty healthy for both of them.

Toriel enters the hallway and looks down at you.  “Is Frisk asleep?” she asks.

“Yep.  You okay?”

“I feel alright.  A little tired, though.”

“Did Undies beat you up.”

“No, I did beat myself up a little, though.  But what else is new.  Undyne had a good idea, though—”

“Sparring?” says Papyrus hopefully.

“No no, we’re just—”

“Going to the gym next week, isn’t that great?”  Papyrus grins.

“Uhh, what?  How’d we go from catfights to going to the gym.”

“Well, I mentioned how terribly out of shape I was, and she said she’d help me return to my former swole glory.”  She pauses.  “I do not have any proper workout clothing.”

“But how—”

“Well, one thing lead to another, you see.”

“But how.”

“Hell if I remember every word that was spoken, things just worked out the way they worked out.  But I think things are going to be a lot better from now on.”

“Uhh...”

“The Peixes-Serkets’ _genuine_ support, I’d say, is a lot more appreciated than the gratuitous sugary favors piled on before.”

You don’t get it.  You ask her more questions later, still, her answers are vague.  She says they _talked._  About _things._  She doesn’t want to say what those things were, she feels they should be kept between her and Undyne.

“Anyway,” she finally goes on, “I said things would be better because she pointed out a very true flaw of mine.  I only trust you, and that hasn’t been good for either of us.”

“Okay, s’much as I appreciate her ability to call out bullshit, that’s kinda uhh, not her business.”

“No, _you_ are her business, as she has said.  All her concerns about me are concerns about you and Frisk, and I suppose, a small dose of self-righteousness.  But I pointed that out, too.  Still, whatever place that criticism came from, she is right.  And... she offered... once we neared the end of our talk...”  She pauses.  You wait.  “Last summer,” she continues, “you were a very good friend to her.  She wanted to repay the favor.  She appreciated it more than you realized.”

“I think she made those feelings abundantly clear,” you say, remembering how sappy she got.

“She said it didn’t have to be just you.  The only one who could come close to knowing my pain, outside of Asgore is, well...  You have been through much hardship, but she did know my children.  I accepted, because I think she needed someone to talk to as well.”

In your imagination, you see them crying in each others arms, and in the corner of your mind’s eye you see Alphys’s face drooling right outside the window.  “That’s good,” you say.

“No, it was very, _very_ true, and I must apologize, I have only told my problems to you, and that must have been a heavy burden to bear.  You yourself have grown so much healthier once you expanded your support network.  And I see, and it makes me happy, and a little jealous that you have so many friends who love you so much.”

She thinks too much.  You tell her that.  She doesn’t know any other way to think.  Whatever happened today, she’s grateful it happened.  You decide it’s pointless to ask Undies about it.  She’s not gonna tell you anything.  But one thing you can determine from her blotchy face earlier is that she was probably crying.

Toriel won’t wear your shorts, they’re too tight on her and she doesn’t want to break another pair.  Also, she knows Undyne will laugh at her.  Undyne has nothing in her size, next to Toriel, she looks so slim, a size two probably, Toriel rants.  You don’t know if that’s true, because you don’t know how women’s sizes work, and no woman you’ve ever met understands how women’s sizes work either.

“What about Alphys,” you ask.  “She’s a bit closer to your size.”

 _“Alphys,”_ Toriel says and hiccups, taking a delicate sip of her third glass of wine, “does not have _nearly_ as big of a butt as I do.”  She stands up.  “Just _look_ at this, Sans, _look_ at it.”

“Um, I’m looking?”

 _“You,_ Sans, will never be as disadvantaged as I am, with your delicate bones because— _*hic*_ you will _never_ have the type of butt that I do, imagine— just imagine _shopping,_ NOTHING is my size, I swear it’s like— all of Snowdin is as small as you and Papyrus!”

“Tori go home you’re drunk.”

 _“Who_ in the world has a bum like me?”

“Didn’t you give Asgore the nickname Fluffybuns because he’s got fluffy buns.”

“Asgore _does_ have a butt,” Toriel says thickly.  “Now Undyne, how much have you looked at her backside, she has so little there it is _frightening._  I wish to god I had her body...”

“Toriel I love your booty as much as the rest of you.”

“Bootiful!”  Toriel doubles over laughing.  You sniff her beverage.  It _is_ just wine.  She wants to make buttspie to celebrate this occasion, you tell her eating buttspie will just give her more of a butt, if she wants to work it off she needs to avoid buttspie.

Papyrus is so glad this worked out, just the way he knew it would.  You can’t believe his optimism actually succeeded this time, but Frisk isn’t surprised at all.

Toriel sends a selfie of herself with a couple flexing emojis.  She’s wearing a pink tank top.  You think you finally believe in God.  You thank them.  A couple hours later she texts you from the bathroom full of regret.  She hasn’t been worked this hard in her life.  She doesn’t know how Papyrus has the endurance, Undyne claims she and him can work for _hours._  She’s too old, she just doesn’t have that kind of endurance.

She comes home while her hair tousled and eats half a loaf of white bread covered in jam.

“Those are all the calories you just lost,” you say.

“I _know,”_ Toriel retorts with her mouth full.  “Frisk my sweet angel, would you be a dear and get me some juice?  And a carrot as well so I feel a little less guilty about all the carbohydrates I am consuming?”

Frisk brings Toriel a baby carrot.  It’s good enough for her.

She complains about how _weak_ she is as she carries in a heavy box full of groceries, effortlessly lifts a giant water bottle onto the water cooler, she might as well be made of matchsticks, apparently.  You and Frisk exchange a look.  “I lost, in case you were wondering,” she says.  “Though I suppose I did not stand a chance.  Perhaps if I exercised as often as Undyne does, I would have—  Well of course I would have, naturally, my build is much more powerful.  I have very big bones.  And no, dear, I am not talking about you.”

You snort.  “Kay but, what’d you lose.”

“The arm wrestling competition, of course.”

“What.”

“How could you have forgotten about the arm wrestling competition?  It was ever so important to you a year ago.  I was defeated, an utterly humiliating defeat.  Anyway, it seems you must pay up.”

“What.”

“Well, you were betting on me, were you not?  That I would win.”

“That’s not still a thing.”  You grin.  “Don’t tell Papyrus.”

“I won’t if you do not want me to, but Undyne might have already told him.”

“Oh no.”

“What was the deal?”

“That I’d go vegan for a week.”

“We will make it work.”

They didn’t catch it on video.  That’s what you tell Papyrus, even though he argues that Toriel admitted defeat.  Undyne already told him.  He’s satisfied though, with just the satisfaction of winning.  Toriel didn’t stand a chance anyway, he adds smugly.

“Don’t insult my wife like that,” you say.

“You aren’t married yet!  The sooner you marry the sooner you can tell me not to insult your wife, instead of not to insult your girlfriend.”

“There’s no time,” you tell him.  No time, not enough money, that’s all been going into adopting Frisk and moving.  You’ve been okay with that.  For now, at least.  Toriel will be Ms. Boss for a while longer.  At least once she starts teaching, she won’t be Mrs. Dreemurr.

At least you don’t have to go vegan, even if Tori has to reluctantly put away the vegan meals she was planning in honor of her defeat.

The best thing to come out of this is that Toriel looks great in a tank top.  Alphys agrees.  Seeing a picture of Toriel and Undyne lifting weights together made her feel all sorts of things.  She’s happier about this friendship than you are.  She proposes a double date, just without you.

She’s determined to make Toriel appreciate anime.  You come along anyway for their first of many Ghibli marathons.  Halfway through, you decide to go home.  Poor Toriel’s in tears during My Neighbor Totoro (“Oh my god, the poor little girl, are they going to find her?  She’s okay, isn’t she?!”) but hell, she’s expanded her support network, Undies can take care of her now.

You guess ladies night in is a thing now.  Your three favorite girls have found companionship in each other.  You guess maybe there is a small part of you that feels a little left out, that misses being Toriel’s sole confidant.  But you know in your head it’s good, it’s healthy, it’s better this way.  And any negative feelings dissipate when you see Toriel smiling just a little brighter.

☠☠☠

Just a little under two weeks before the school year starts, Frisk’s adoption is finalized.  It’s been pretty quick, you’ve read stories online about adoptions that took years.  Papyrus throws a small party in celebration.

Undyne has her concerns though, with this adoption business she takes her concerns to Toriel.  It’s not gonna be as easy for her and Alphys to adopt, because “The system,” she complains, “is _rigged!_  Sure it’ll allow assholes like _Fuckster_ to fuck up kids but do you know how homophobic it is?!”

“Yes,” says Toriel.  “You did not know this before?”

“No!  I thought maybe these days, people might wake the fuck up and realize there’s plenty of same-sex couples willing to give a _loving_ home to the kids straight people throw away?”

“Undyne, it is not quite like that.  Some mothers simply cannot raise their children, some are forced to give birth against their will, there are so, _so_ many reasons children are given up for adoption.”

“Well, you see it happening a lot less with gay couples!  It’s just!  Not fair!”

“When is anything in life ever fair?”

She asks if Undyne has ever considered getting a surrogate.  Undyne insists that’s _not_ an option.  The whole reason she wanted to have kids was to rescue them from abusive situations.  “But having one child yourself does not mean you can never adopt.  Weren’t you planning to have, what was it... one million babies?”

“Alphys put her foot down,” Undyne says meekly.  “No more than ten.”

“Damn, she’s got you _whipped,”_ you speak up.

You haven’t said a word before this, but Undyne tells you to leave.  It’s your own house, so you stay and watch Toriel try to convince Undyne that pregnancy is the best option.  “Are you sure you’re not just projecting?” Undyne asks.

“Maybe I am?  Still, there is something incredibly endearing about seeing a little child with your own features.  Can you imagine a small baby with your beautiful bright eyes and charming smile...”

“Right.  And the features of whoever’s sperm I stick in my body.”

“Hypothetically speaking,” you add.

Tori, you think, is projecting a lot.  She remembers her first time getting pregnant, how excited she was, and then her fourth time getting pregnant, eight months of worrying every day the baby would come out early.  It did.  Asriel came three weeks early, but he was perfectly healthy aside from his albinism.  Undyne reminds her what they’re discussing.

“What about Alphys,” Toriel asks.  “Would she be willing to carry the child?  Oh, just _imagine_ a baby with her chubby cheeks and her curls—”

“No.  Look, even if Alphys and I... _could,_ the point isn’t to create more babies!  It’s to help the existing babies!”

“A little practice could not hurt, could it?  You would love a child you created as much as a child you adopted, would you not?”

“Of course!  But!  It’s risky!”

“Pregnancy?  Oh these days, hardly, I know I do not seem one to talk, but cases like mine are not so common.  If you really do consider it, I am sure a doctor could tell you if you are at risk, every doctor I visited told me I could never keep a pregnancy but I tried anyway.”

“Stop talking to me like I agreed to it!”

“You are such a strong young woman, you are really at a perfectly ripe age—”

“I said I wasn’t gonna do it!”

“It’s a wondrous thing to hold a newborn in your arms, _especially_ when nursing, all those good hormones, and giving birth is a piece of cake if you have an epidural.  Are you sure Alphys is completely unwilling?  What if you each had a child with a surrogate, the same surrogate—”

“I’m done!”  Undyne flips over her chair, picks it up, and puts it back.

“Hey, what if you asked Papyrus,” you speak up.  “You ‘n Alph—”

“YOU’RE MAKING THIS WORSE!” Undyne yells.

“The ultimate tier of friendship.”

“I’M OUT!”

Undyne leaves in a huff.  Toriel giggles.  “So do you think she’s considering it?”

“I dunno, it’s hard to tell.”

According to Alphys, the idea of pregnancy actually scares her just a little.  Alphys has already firmly decided she’d never do it.  She doesn’t want to.  She does want kids though, but not enough to go through that.  But Undies, Alphys guesses she just doesn’t wanna go through that state of vulnerability.

“Hey Alph,” you say, smiling at your phone.  “So if Papyrus puts his sperm in Undies—”

“Why are you like this,” Alphys’s voice moans through the receiver.

“If Pap donates to your cause, how ‘bout you ‘n I make their sibling.”

“Why did I ever miss you.”

“Cmon Alph, you sure you don’t wanna have my babies?”

“Sans you left me for six years.”

“It’s always that,” you chuckle.  You assure her you were only joking.  She knows, she says.  She always knows.  You realize no one else can read you like she can.  Alphys is special.

She’s the only person, the only one who can read you like you can read other people.  And even though it’s been nearly a year now, it’s so, so good to have her back.

☠☠☠

You and Frisk happen to be starting school back up on the same day.  Toriel takes you back to school shopping together.  You get a fun punk notebook with a skull printed on the front.  You show it to Frisk.  They smile, but their smile is sad.

Even Toriel notices it.  They’ve been reclusive, they haven’t even been confiding in private with you lately.  “I preferred it when they did,” Toriel admits.

You promised you’d watch over them, so you investigate, peeking in whenever their door is open.  They keep it shut a lot these days.  You usually find them on the floor doodling, or not doing much at all.

That’s the worst, you know too well.  Keeping idle when you’re depressed.  At least school’s starting up in a few days, and Frisk’ll be busy again.

One day, you find their door open just a crack, like they meant to shut it, but it had either opened on itself or hadn’t shut all the way.  You creep inside.

Your heart drops.

Frisk stands in front of their dresser mirror, in stripes, but your memory flashes back to the old picture in Asgore’s study.  You’ve seen that shirt before.

Frisk watches themself wearing Asriel’s; or Chara’s old green striped shirt.  They must have smuggled it into their closet when Toriel wasn’t watching.  Your reflection appears in the mirror.  Frisk jumps.

“Had that a few weeks, didya,” you say.

Frisk spins around and begs with their hands and their eyes, _‘Don’t tell mom.’_

“Nah, I wouldn’t, it’d upset her too much.  You should be more careful and keep the door closed.”  You reach back and shut it.  “Do you know whose shirt that was?  I mean, which one?”

Frisk shakes their head.  They tremble like they were just caught doing something terrible.  “It’s okay,” you say.  “It’s okay.  Frisk, you’re allowed to miss them.”

Frisk’s eyes well up.  “I think it’s my fault,” you go on.  “I shouldn’ta told you to forget about ‘em.  Throw away the shirt, though, ‘less you wanna make your mom cry again.”

_‘She won’t find it.’_

“Remember them, but don’t hold onto the shirt.”

Frisk stands stock-still for a moment.  You think you’re doing the wrong thing again, but you don’t know what else to say.  Finally, the hang their head and say, _‘He might still be alive.’_

“Asriel?  He’s—”

Frisk shakes their head.  They turn around, balling their fists, trembling hard.  “It’s okay to cry,” you say.

They think he’s out there.  As a flower, or something else.  He might not be completely gone.  But they know you would never believe them.  No one would.  They’re alone, _so_ alone, Flowey is the only one who could understand.  He always understood.  He knew what they felt like.

“I may not get it,” you say.  “I may never get it.  But that’s ‘cause... I still don’t know much about what you’ve been through.”

They point to themself.  They sign _forget._  “You’re... forgetting?”

They nod.  It’s always when they’re at their happiest that they begin to forget.  They may meet the new Asriel of this world and not even remember him, and he’d be alone.

“Write it down,” you say.

_‘You told me to forget.’_

“I didn’t mean forget about that world, I meant live in this one.  Is that what’s making you so upset?  That you’re forgetting?”  They nod.  “So... do you wanna... tell me?  All about the Underground.  The whole story.”

_‘Which one?’_

“How about we start with the happy ending.”

Frisk sits down and begins to tell you a very generic tale about a war between humans and monsters, which they narrate with pictures.  This Flowey character introduced himself as Frisk’s best friend, then proceeded to try to kill them.  At the end of the story, he killed them over and over again, and took great pleasure in doing so.  Toriel’s undead son, reincarnated without a soul.

Still, Frisk showed him mercy, and Flowey, though he couldn’t understand, wanted to.  Frisk brought him back.  Just for a little while.  Even as Asriel, he continued to kill them again and again so Frisk would stay.  And still, Frisk misses him now.  Frisk missed him then, too, because they couldn’t save him.

They saved everyone.  They saved Toriel, Alphys, Undyne, you and Papyrus, Asgore; every single friend they made along the way.  But Asriel turned back into a flower and was left to suffer alone, forever.

At least in that world, they got to be friends.  Frisk covers a paper with several drawings of yellow flowers until the page is covered with yellow.  It wouldn’t even matter at this point, they say, if they managed to go back.  There was never any saving Flowey.

“I think you’re so used to helping people, you can’t get over the one life you couldn’t save,” you say.  “Everyone you helped in the Underground, you’ve helped them all here, haven’t you?  It’s just one friend, I guess two friends, that you still weren’t able to save.”

Frisk holds the oversized sleeve they wear.  “It sucks.”   _Nod._  “Have you told Asgore about the Underground?”  Pause.  “Keep talkin’ to him, Friskers.”  You ruffle their hair.  “He remembers you, you know.  Next to me, he remembers more ‘bout the Underground than anyone I know.”

Frisk nods again.   _‘I know I’m not alone,’_ they sign.

“That is contrary to what you just said before.”

They shake their head, they realize that they do have people, they have family, and it’s definitely... something.  “I’m gonna help you find him,” you find yourself saying.  “At least, I wanna help bring this chapter to a close.  Keep telling me these stories, kid, and I’ll see if we can find a trace of Flowey in our universe.”

For the next three days, you let Frisk tell the bedtime stories instead of you.  Some of the stories are horrifying.  A lot of them have little variation, so they don’t take long to tell.  The stories turn the theory-making cogs in your head.  After they’ve told you the best part of all they can remember, you share your theory.

“Listen, I think... based on what you told me, I was right when I first talked to you.  You _were_ the sun.  The whole world revolved around you.  Everything happened based on your decisions.  That’s stopped now, but something about you’s carried into this world.  And if you’d ask me, you may uhh, think this is kinda ridiculous, and I kinda do too.”

 _‘What?’_ asks Frisk.

“I think, it might have been... your determination.”  You smile.  “Don’t ask me to explain where the extra hard reset came from, that I don’t know.  But the part about your stories that strike me is, how I remembered the weird flower.  It’s because of his Determination that he had the same power you did, right?”

Frisk nods.

“And so, he was another sun.  A smaller sun, once you came in, your force of gravity pulled events to revolve around you instead.”  Quisitive nod.  “But Flowey left a trace too, because the Determination he had didn’t just disappear, it was overshadowed.  But.  He’s gone from this world.  I think...  Kid.”

You reach out your hand.  “You might wanna hold my hand for this,” you say.  Frisk looks puzzled, but takes your hand anyway.  They draw back quickly as they get shocked with a joy buzzer.  “Heh... sorry, old habits, I just couldn’t resist, I hate gettin’ serious.  Look, my hand’s empty now.”

They take it.  You close your eyes.  “I think he’s gone from this world because... he never existed.  I’ve asked Alphys.  She’s never experimented on flowers.  I’m sorry but, I think that’s the only explanation.”

Frisk’s hand twitches.  “It’s a shame you never got to meet him when he was alive.  Kinda wish I got to meet him, too.  He sounds like a fun nemesis to have.  But, d’ya get what I’m saying?”  Frisk shakes their head.  “I don’t either.  But...  If everything I’m remembering is all karmic, wouldn’t it make sense if I got otherworldly feels about everyone else, too?  The thing is, I don’t.  Before I met you, I didn’t have dreams about the Underground.  And I’ve sure as heck never had a dream like that that didn’t have you in it.”

Frisk looks down at their own hand.  “So I dunno if that makes you God or something—”  That’s probably not the best thing to tell a kid, especially your own kid.  “Heh, just kidding.  God doesn’t show up in all our dreams, unfortunately.  Yknow, when I met Alphys, I didn’t get the sense that I’d ever met her before, see?”  Nod.  “So, if you never met Asriel, then... this may be hard to hear, but he probably never even knew about Flowey while he was alive.”

The hand tugs away from yours.  “I’m sorry,” you say, “I really don’t like to be the bringer of bad news.  Guess I can’t help it.  The reaper’s always a skeleton.”  You laugh humorlessly.  “It’s good though, isn’t it?  Asriel never had to go through that.”

It’s not good, not to Frisk.  You hear Toriel’s heavy footsteps.  “Sans, are you still in there?” she calls.

She enters the room and sees Frisk crying.  She frowns.  “What is going on?”

Frisk throws off their blankets and darts from the room.  Toriel calls after him.  “What happened?” she hisses at you.

“I had to tell them a friend was gone.”

“What friend?  What—  Nevermind...”  She gets up to go after Frisk.  You want the chance to talk to them alone again, but Tori stays with them, rubbing their back and whispering soothing words.  “Frisk, won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” she asks.

Frisk says nothing, they just curl up against her.  You hate standing there feeling useless.  You sit yourself on the bed and rest your hand on their arm.  “I’m here,” Toriel whispers.  “It’s alright, my sweet angel of mercy.  It’s alright.”

“Frisk...”  You’ll say it, even though she’s here.  Because you can’t just leave Frisk crying all night alone.  “You should talk to Asgore about this.”  You ignore Toriel’s expression.  “He may not get it.  But he’ll listen.  And I think that’s what you need right now.”

Frisk needs someone who isn’t you.  Toriel brought up a good point, having just one person as your entire support network isn’t healthy.  She waits until you’re out of the room to press you against the wall with her stare and say, “What was that about.”

“Okay, I’m not gonna beat around the bush this time, I just told Frisk your kids are gone.”

Toriel’s eyebrows furrow.  “What?”

“It’s a lot, I know it’s a lot.  But that’s why I told ‘em to talk to Asgore.”

“And why not me?”

“Frisk doesn’t wanna make you cry.”

Toriel looks away.  She paces to her bed, back to the wall, and puts her hand against it as though to support herself.  “I don’t think I understand Frisk at all.  I knew I had seen them somewhere before, I wish I could remember.  I feel terrible.  If they were so close to the children, I should remember.”

“I think Frisk has a hard time accepting they’re gone.”

“I do, too.”

“No I mean, I don’t think Frisk believes it.  I think they needa see for themself.”

Toriel doesn’t understand.  She asks you to explain.  You have an idea, you think you know of something that could help both of them.  Toriel, as you expected, doesn’t like it.  “You can say no,” you say.  “But Frisk, like you said, is a kid, and we, the grownups, know what’s best for them.”

“Are you absolutely sure?  You left Frisk in quite a state earlier.”

“That’s called grief.  And you know what unprocessed grief does.  Frisk’s been in denial.  And you can’t skip straight from denial to acceptance.  They’re probably gonna be a little messed up for a while.  But, it’s good, feelings are healthy.  They’ve got us to fall back on.  We just... gotta get ‘em outa the denial stage so they can complete the cycle.”

 _“How_ do you know all these things?” Toriel asks.  “After seeing how well you can understand people, I think that I have no choice but to trust that you just... know.”

You sit down on the bed.  You look at your knees.  “Heh, the old dad thought I was real smart.  He saw something he didn’t see in other people.  I guess this is it.  ‘Course my big talent is in something I don’t have to put effort into.  Being able to know anyone by looking at their face.”

“I envy you.  I wish I had that.”

“You’ve got it right here.”  You point to yourself.  “I guess I really am smart after all.”

“Oh, of course you are.”

“Tori...”  You look up.  “You say you didn’t leave the Ruins...  How long’s it been?  Since you last visited their graves?”

Toriel’s hands curl at her sides.  “Not since the funerals.  I have not been able to go back there, Sans, some of Asgore’s victims are buried in that cemetery.  People whose murderers have never been brought to justice, innocent lives that have been lost due to his cowardice.  People who might have been saved if I had argued with him reasonably instead of screaming at him and calling him names.”

“You were distraught.”

“I am still distraught.”

“I can take Frisk alone.”

“No.  They were my children.  I should visit them.”  Toriel sits next to you.  She buries her face.  “When.”

“Tomorrow.”

“We cannot go tomorrow, Frisk starts school the day after.”

“That’s why we gotta get it done soon as possible.”

She pauses for a long time.  You stroke her back to give yourself something to do.  “I think...” you add, “you need it, too...  Proper closure.  That’s what you ‘n Frisk need.  You didn’t get the chance to say goodbye properly, didya.”

“Of course not, they were ripped away from me so suddenly.”

“It’s gonna reopen old wounds.”

“I know that.”

“Tori...”

“Sans,” she says, uncovering her face, “do you think...  Chara and Frisk... could possibly be related?”

“Yeah.”

“They do not actually look alike at all, but their hair and choice of fashion...  It just seems too much to be coincidence.  Or perhaps Frisk styled their hair after Chara’s when they met them.  Why is there so much I do not know.”

“I mean...”  You smile.  “I guess we could technically put this off...?”

“No, I would rather spend more sleepless nights with the memory of this than sleepless nights waiting in anticipation.  Tomorrow though, how will we announce this to Frisk?  I do not think we should just take them without their permission.”

“We say... we’ve got a _grave_ journey ahead of us.”

Toriel raises her eyebrows, and the darkness in her eyes lightens a bit as her mouth twists into a reluctant smile.  “No,” she says simply.

“Why not.”

“Because that would make us awful people.”

Toriel can’t sleep.  She tells you to, if she falls asleep on the road, she’ll need someone to take the wheel for her.  You refuse, recalling the first day you found out she had two dead kids, you wouldn’t let her sleep till you made her laugh.  So you watch stupid youtube poops and a cheesy chick flick until you accidentally slip off.

When you wake up, Toriel is still asleep.  You’re reluctant to wake her and bring her back to the world of the living to start this day.  She comes to in a surprisingly okay mood, washes her face, and makes waffles for breakfast to soften the blow.  She announces the day’s plans to Frisk at the table.  She announces them gently.  The dark circles under Frisk’s eyes tell you they were probably up late into the night talking to Asgore.

Frisk agrees to come with.  They never got to say hello to their friends, they owe it to them to at least say goodbye.  They know this was your idea.  But like Toriel, they’re surprisingly okay with it.  They’d seen Chara’s grave in the other world.  They’d seen seven graves.

Toriel dresses nicely for the occasion, in a lacy white dress and lavender sunhat.  Frisk keeps the striped shirt, but wears a pleated skirt and their new shiny shoes out of respect.  You try to comb your hair.

Shortly before you leave, you hear a knock at the door.  You open it to find Papyrus smiling at you.

“Sans, your hair looks flat today!”

“I combed it.”

Toriel walks by in her sunhat.  Papyrus squints at her.  “Were you about to go out?”

“Yeah,” you say.  “What’s up.”

“Just popping by!  Where are you going?”  You pause.  “I see,” Papyrus says, nodding at nothing.  “Sans...”  He invites himself in.  “You’re about to do something very hard, aren’t you?”

“What.  What makes you say that.”

“You’re able to say it, you’re the one who always tells people what they’re thinking.  Well, I’m not going to ask you what it is.  Even if I’m a little concerned.”

“I’ll tell you all about it later,” you say.  “Hey, Pap...”

“Hm?”

“Nevermind.”  You sigh.  “Nevermind...  Got a long day ahead of me, I think.  Can you come back over again after we get back?  Frisk might need some cheering up.”

“Sure, if I’m home.”  He squints again, scrutinizing you.  “You look tired,” he says, “like you haven’t slept.  You’re smiling with your mouth, but not with your eyes.  Toriel did not stop to say hello as usual.  You’re troubled.  That’s how I can tell.  Anyway, I can also tell whatever it is you’re about to do probably takes a lot of energy.”

“Yeah...”

“Well, I know how hard that is for you!  I’m proud of you.”  He claps you on the shoulder.  You look him in the eyes and give him a real, genuine smile.  “There, your eyes are showing it!  Sans, you can do it, I believe in you.”

Before he can take off, Toriel says hello.  Papyrus leaves before he can keep her too long.  When did he become so perceptive?  You’re proud of him, too.

It’s a long drive to the Capital.  Frisk asks if they can stop by to get some flowers.  At the nearest shop, they pick out a bouquet almost entirely yellow.  “Why don’t you get a different one,” Toriel says.  “Like these.  They are much prettier.”

Frisk shakes their head, and Toriel reluctantly purchases the yellow flowers.

You feel kinda like an interloper in this situation.  So you don’t say anything.  No one says much of anything.  Toriel speaks up a couple times to offer you and Frisk water and snacks.  Frisk accepts a granola bar.  You take one, too.  Toriel eats nothing.  She didn’t have much for breakfast, either.

You drive past Hotland, past the smoke and pollution, to the grey of the Capital.  That’s when Toriel gets off the highway and you travel down grey streets until the giant houses of New Home loom ahead.

Toriel parks on the street next to the New Home Cemetery.  The grey headstones that stretch out across the landscape remind you of the grey buildings of the Capital.  So this is what Asgore lives in, a graveyard.

It’s the perfect day to enjoy being outdoors.  Not too hot, a light breeze making Toriel’s hair fan out lightly.  You walk behind her and Frisk with your hands plunged deep in your pockets.

“It’s a lovely day out,” Toriel says.  “Is it not?”  Frisk nods.  They pick up the pace to trot next to her.  “This way, angel.”

You follow the two of them down a pleasant path.  “I forgot how lovely this place was,” Toriel says vaguely, as though thinking out loud.  “I used to go on walks in this cemetery for leisure.  It’s especially beautiful in May when the daffodils come out...”  She trails off, and even without looking at her face, you can see in the way her shoulders drop that she’s remembering daffodils are yellow.

“Right this way.  We are almost here.”

These graves look more recent.  The headstones are shinier.  Finally, she stops.  She puts her hand on Frisk’s shoulder.  “Here they are.”

Chara and Asriel Dreemurr, aged under a decade when they died.  Frisk kneels down and places their bouquet in front of Asriel’s headstone.  “I know you have met them before,” Toriel says softly.  “They must have loved you.”

You can’t see Frisk’s face.  “I still miss them terribly,” Toriel sighs.  “But, I like to think they are happy now, and they are together.  Chara no longer has to worry about the treachery of the world.  They are free.  As for Asriel... you will see him again someday, we all will.”

Frisk’s shoulders tremble.  “I’ll... let you say goodbye,” you mutter, more to Toriel than Frisk.  You turn around and don’t allow yourself to look back until you can’t hear anything but the breeze.  You watch the rest of the cemetery for a few minutes, letting them spend this time alone.  You’d taken so much of Toriel’s quality alone time with Frisk, you’d had so much with them, you’ll let them have this together.

But you can’t have Toriel wondering and worrying about you, so you stay close to let her know you’re still there.  You give them all the time they need.

Finally, you hear the faint sound of Toriel’s dress flapping.  You allow yourself to turn around.  Toriel and Frisk walk toward you hand in hand.  The look on Toriel’s face is surprisingly peaceful.  Frisk, not so much.  They have the pinched, tired look of someone who’s cried and cried until they have no tears left.

“Is there anything you want for dinner?” you ask.  “I know it’s not much but, name it.”

“Frisk?” asks Toriel.

Frisk shrugs.  “You know what my answer will be, but I will not put you all through that, not yet.  I have been craving snail pie for ever so long.  Asriel... used to love snails.  Chara did not.  They loved pouring salt over slugs, though, they used to bring me bugs and ask if I would make pies with them...”  She smiles.  “Frisk, would you like to go out to eat here in the Capital?”

_‘Not hungry.’_

“Are you sure?  I’m a little peckish myself.  How about a quick lunch before we head home.”

Frisk doesn’t say anything.  Toriel picks them up and holds them gently, carrying them out of the cemetery, away from their old friends.  “I know of a nice little restaurant here...  Unless, Sans, is there someplace else you prefer?”

“Me?  Back when I lived here I always wound up back at McDeath.”  You walk past the grey square headstones toward the grey square buildings.  “Frisk... you sure you had enough time?”

Frisk nods inside the crook of Toriel’s neck.  They seem exhausted, more exhausted than sad.  You stop by at a small cafe to get lunch.  Toriel manages to coax some food into Frisk.  They take out their phone and you feel a vibrating in your pocket.

 

_*there realy gone_

 

You can’t reply now, or Tori’ll get suspicious.  You finish your own lunch and climb in the back seat of Toriel’s car next to Frisk.  By the time they’re seated, their face has returned to a mostly neutral expression.  Their eyes are still bloodshot, and droopy, but plain as you remember.  “How’re you feeling,” you ask.  Frisk shrugs.  “Did you talk to them?”

_‘I said my last goodbye.’_

The ride home is mostly as silent as the ride there.  You catch a few quiet tears rolling down Toriel’s face in the rearview mirror, but she seems complacent.  Frisk doesn’t cry any more.  You communicate on your phones.

 

_*i think ur right and flowy isnt here_

_*hes moved on  
*thats something he was never able to do in the underground, right?_

_*yeah  
*i guess ur right_

_*its ok to miss them_

_*i know_

_*if it makes you feel any better i think you really helped your mom by coming with  
*dont think she coulda done this without you here holding her hand_

 

Out of the corner of your eye, you catch Frisk smiling a small, proud smile.

 

_*do i realy belong here?_

_*course you do_  
_*you fit like a glove_  
 _*true youre a weirdo but were all weirdos_  
 _*weve all got our own set of weirdnesses that set us apart from your average crowd_  
 _*thats why you fit in perfectly_

_*yeah  
*u guys are weirdos_

_*thanks_

_*ur welcome B|_

 

“Who are you texting?” Toriel asks.

“I’m texting Alphys,” you lie.  “We’re talking about how great and thick your arms are.”

“Oh dear.”  Toriel flushes red.  “Frisk?”

Frisk signs the name they gave Asgore, it’s similar to “king.”  They’ve been giving names to everyone, you know Undyne’s name is basically “underwear,” she blames you even though Alphys suggested the idea.  You guess it technically is your fault.

Frisk signs a question.  “I’m sorry angel, I cannot look while I am driving, Sans, could you translate?”

“‘Next time we’re in the Capital, could we visit Asgore,’” you translate.

“Hm.  Well, I do not know when we will visit the Capital next, but...  I suppose, a visit to him could be arranged...  I would prefer not to come with, though.”

Toriel isn’t comfortable with Frisk traveling on their own, even if they’re more than capable.  She supposes maybe Undyne can take them next time she visits.  Frisk seems a little cheerier at this.

It seems like ages since you left.  Everyone’s too tired when you get back to do much of anything, so Toriel sits down for a reading break, and Frisk goes back to their room.  You knock on their door.  Frisk cracks it open.

“Do you wanna be alone for a while, or—”

The door swings open.  You take that as an invitation and step in.  “So,” you say.  You sit on the bed.  Frisk sits on the floor.  “You finally said goodbye.  It’s time... to start saying hello to a lot of people.  Starting tomorrow you’ve got a lot to look forward to.”  Frisk plays with the pleats on their skirt.  “New friends.  New teachers.  A different kinda life than any you’ve had before.  You’re gonna meet lots of new people, and you’re gonna lose lots of new people.  You’re gonna say a lot more goodbyes.”

_‘But I’ll say hello first.’_

“That’s true.  You’re real mature for your age, I think you’re more grown up than the kid skeleton me knew in the Underground.  You’ve grown up.”  You smile.  “You’ve learned not everything can be solved with friendliness and flirting—”

_‘But it’s better to be nice and flirt than not.’_

“True, I think that’s something you’re gonna carry with you no matter what world you live in.  That’s just the kinda person you are.”

_‘Before he turned back into Flowey, Asriel told me not to kill and not be killed.’_

“He was a pretty grown up kid, too.  He’s right.  It’s harder to live that way, but in the end, a lot more fulfilling.  You’re gonna be alright, kid.  It’ll be hard, but you’ll be alright.”

_‘Maybe it’s better that he died.  I wanted him to be alive because I missed him.’_

“That’s okay.  We’re all kinda selfish.  But I think, this may sound weird but, if we weren’t selfish, we couldn’t be selfless?  Do you get what I’m saying, kid?  No?  Heh...”  You close your eyes.  “Hey, you belong here as much as you belonged in your other world.  It’s the same as always, isn’t it?  Every reset.  Isn’t it painful to meet the same people you loved but with their memories wiped?  I know it’s happened.”  Frisk nods.  “And the repetition and impermanence of it all is what gets you to lose yourself, start experimenting with your power.”  Frisk bites their lip.  “So all that’s over now.”

_‘I can’t reset anymore.’_

“This means no one’ll forget you, kid.  Why should it be different just ‘cause we have different bodies?  Underneath all my layers of flesh, I’m the same skeleton you’ve always known and loved.”  You wink.  “Not to give you any ideas or anything.”

Frisk exhales a little laugh.  “I think I told you a long time ago, reaching way back, I told you to just stay and enjoy yourself.  Yeah.  I let you treat me to lunch and told you to stay put with all your great friends.  I’ve never reset, but I know how you feel.  I kinda remember fighting to stop that power, and here there’s none, so there’s nothing to fight.  If that makes sense.”

They think so.  With Frisk’s stories, the memories come back clearer than ever.  You can recall nearly entire conversations like you had them yesterday in your current flesh body.  It may not be the same, things may not be the same, but you’ve got the same soul as the skeleton Frisk remembers.  But you’re happier, you think, in this world.  As a skeleton, you don’t think you ever found the contentment you were looking for, because you never really searched for it.  You sat back and let things happen.  You watched.

“That’s all I can tell you, kiddo,” you finish.  “I can’t change your mind, but I can try to convince you what’s right.”

_‘What should I do?’_

“‘Bout what?”

_‘Starting over.’_

“You don’t have to start new from scratch, but uhh, I’d suggest maybe doing away with the stripes.  At least tryin’ out new styles.  Maybe grow out your hair.  I’m sure your mom would love that.  Why do you uhh, always insist on wearing exactly that shirt?”

Frisk turns a bit red.   _‘So you’d recognize me.’_  So you, and everyone, including Flowey, would recognize them.

“‘Kay, welp, everyone important knows you by now.  Surprise the world by wearing plaid.  Go through a goth phase.  Try it.”

Frisk looks down at their own shirt.  They run into their closet and take two shirts out, one is a flowery sleeveless top Toriel bought them, the other is the Dreemurr kid’s old shirt.  They tie it up in a shopping bag to hide it from their mom’s eye and place it in the trash can.

“Don’t throw it away, donate it,” you say.  “That’s what their parents would want.  I’ll take it.”  You take the bag out of the trash.  “I’ll dump it in a donation box.  I’m glad to see you doing your best, though.”

_‘Can you leave so I can change.’_

“Okay.”

You leave Frisk alone, and they emerge a few minutes later in their new shirt and ask their mom when dinner will be ready.  “Are you hungry now?” she asks.  “Um, what was wrong with your shirt?  Did it get dirty?”

_‘No.  I wanted to try something new.’_

“I like it very much,” Toriel says.  “Do you have a dinner preference yet?”

Frisk asks for pizza.  You and Toriel decide to make it yourselves, with Frisk’s help.  Frisk adds every vegetable they can find as a topping.  You guess this makes it healthy.  Papyrus comes over after dinner like he promised and helps clean everything up.

Night comes too quickly.  You and Frisk have both got a big day ahead of you.  You tuck Frisk in without a bedtime story.  Neither of you are much in the mood for one.  “You excited for tomorrow?” you ask.

_Nod._

“Wish I could say the same for myself...  Aw well, in a while I’ll be joining you, hopefully.”

_‘At my school?’_

“Yep.”

Frisk gives an excited wiggle.  Then, they say something weird.   _‘I’m glad you’re happy.’_  They explain, back in the Underground, a lot of people didn’t start very happy, but Frisk helped them face their inner demons and find it in themselves to overcome their struggles.  They spent the most time on Alphys, helping her through her guilt and leading her to find love herself.

Only you didn’t seem completely happy in the end, and they think they know why.  The few times you fought them, you seemed to know a happy ending was for naught.  That it’d all start over.  But here, where nothing can start over, where you have the chance to move forward, you have a chance.

“Yeah.  Took me a while, but I realized that for myself.  You really are smart.”

They sign that they’re glad to be here where you’re happy.  “Glad to be here with you, too.  Hope you can be happy.”

_‘I’ll try.’_

“Good.”

 _‘Are you still scared of me?’_ they ask.   _‘Do you still think I’ll turn evil and kill everyone?’_

“Eh, nah.”

_‘What if I do?’_

“Then...”  You look deep into their eyes.  They’re trying to communicate something to you, but you can’t tell what it is.  “Uhh...”

_‘Say it.’_

“Say what.”

_‘What’s gonna happen.’_

“Ah.”  You remember.  You speak the words Frisk’s eyes tell you, you relay them through your own mouth, though it feels like someone else speaking.  “You’re gonna have a bad time.”

Frisk claps.  “Heh... you sure are a weirdo.”

The door creaks open.  Toriel pokes her head in.  She sees Frisk smiling and looks a bit confused, but pleasantly so.  “Sans, do not keep Frisk up too late.  We both have a big day tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry, I was just sayin’ goodnight.”

“I know today was a bit rough,” says Toriel, “but I have a surprise for tomorrow!”  Frisk perks up.  “So do try to get a good night’s sleep.  You too, Sans.”

“Yeah, Friskers, I think we’re done for the night.”

“Yes, I think we are.”  Toriel walks over to the bed and leans down.  “Goodnight, Frisk.”  She gives their forehead a quick kiss.

“Night, kid,” you add.  You follow Toriel to the door.  You swallow.  You feel the words choking in your throat, but you force them out anyway.  “I love you.”

You turn around and walk out of their room.  You hear Frisk’s covers being thrown off behind you, and Frisk pounces, hugging you from behind.  “Heh...”  You twist around and pat their head.  “Go to sleep.”

Frisk nods and bounds back to their bed.  You stand dumbly for a moment, staring into their dark room.  You hear Toriel give a quiet sigh, and you jerk yourself back and follow her down the hall.

“How you feeling,” you ask.

“Alright.  Visiting the cemetery was easier than I imagined it would be.  I think Frisk cried all my tears for me.  Watching them, it was hard to feel sad, I just had to comfort them.”

She walks into the bedroom.  She stands in front of the mirror, undoing her braids.  “Can you believe this summer went by so fast?”

“Sure.  Time works in weird ways.”

“Last summer was such an adventure.  But this one just seemed to fly by...  This whole year, in fact, has been so quick.”

“Guess it’s a lot quicker now that you’re doing things.”

“True.  In the Ruins, time was frozen.”  She brushes her hair back.  “I might have been there forever if I had never met you.”

“Who knows.”

Toriel inhales deeply.  “There is still so much to look forward to.  Someday we’ll be married, I promise, and...”

“We’ll grow old and senile together, making stupid jokes in rocking chairs.  Frisk’ll have to take care of changing our diapers.”

“Poor child.”

You laugh, and get up to search for a pair of pajamas.  Toriel goes into the closet for a night gown.  “So,” you ask, “what’s your surprise for Frisk tomorrow?”

“Oh dear, I did not actually think of something yet.  I hoped you would help me come up with ideas.  It cannot just be a pie, it has to be something special and unexpected.”

“Pie’s always special.”

“I agree, but again, _unexpected.”_

“Make cookies but uhh, _special_ cookies.  With mute-related puns.  Like, ‘sorry I... lost my voice... forever...’ or something.  We’ve reached a mute point.”

“No no, Sans, we have to have Frisk in mind for this, not us.”

“How special do you wanna make this surprise, ‘cause, if we wanna go all out, I may be able to get Mettaton to perform special for them.”

“On such short notice?” Toriel asks.

“I’ve got great connections.  And Undies.  We could have her threaten to beat him up if he doesn’t come in tomorrow night.”

“That sounds terrible,” she says.

“Nah, I’m just kidding,” you say, but you consider it.  You’ll text Undyne as soon as you can.  “I could offer him a small sum of a date with my brother.”

“I am sure we can think of something reasonable.”

“I’ll have the plans made before Frisk gets home tomorrow.”

Toriel pauses.  “You know what, I believe you.  I see no reason not to.”  She goes into the bathroom to change into her nightgown, and you begin texting Undyne and Alphys and some friends in Hotland.  You’re determined to make this happen.  After a few minutes, Toriel urges you to put your phone away and try to rest.

“Alright, I’ll just tell ‘em to get back to me tomorrow morning.”

She tosses your pajamas at you.  You slip into them and keep your phone on vibrate next to your bed.  “Is that thing going to be buzzing all night?” Toriel sighs.  “Oh well, if it’s for Frisk....”  She wraps her arms around you, pinning you down, leaving you unable to reach your phone.

This is okay.

“G’night,” you mutter.

“Hang on...”  Toriel reaches over and switches off the lamp next to her bed.  “Goodnight, love...”

Her arms curl back around you.  She kisses the back of your head.  

You close your eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ THE NOTES.
> 
> Following this chapter will be a short epilogue, so again, the ride's not over quite yet! bc the last chapter of this aint gonna be "you close ur eyes" thats frickin lame. Okay now you can skip the notes if you usually don't read these.
> 
> No soriel wedding, i'm sorry, I know all my tumblr followers were expecting a soriel wedding. But I have no idea how weddings work and this one was enough of a challenge! Mazel tov again to my breastie by the way, you'll read this eventually I hope. Love you to pieces. I vomited at your wedding by the way. I had a great time. Someday Sans and Toriel will get married, someday Toriel will becomes a Bones, and Sans will get that teaching job.
> 
> Is Papyton a thing? I'm choosing to answer that by restating "Well they certainly are standing next to each other." Most of my commenters, I was surprised, were extremely divided on the papyton issue, so I'll channel my inner Hussie and say it's Open To Interpretation~~~ If you ask me I think they look good together, but to me they're a fun crack ship and not nearly as important as the two OTPs. Honestly the main reason I'd want this is, the snarkoffs sans and mtt would have, it would be glorious. also he'd be a fun addition to the family. Listen I've thought of a sorta sequel to FB where Papyrus and Mettaton do wind up dating but Pap discovers he's a jerk and fucking dumps him. Not sure if they would wind up back together, but either way, they'd grow a lot from the experience and come out of it as good friends. I want MTT to be friends with the Bones an Peixes-Serket families i think itd be nice. (thank you Bay, if youre still reading.)
> 
> I guess another detail that's left ambiguous is whether or not sans and toriel ever frick frack. the answer is WHATEVER U WANT several months back i got this awful smut fic in mind for them called "PUNishment" but i dont think ill ever write it
> 
> One thing I'll tell you for certain is that I like to think Asgore and Drunk Bunny eventually find love together, a retired politician and a recovering alcoholic: Feeling Bunley.
> 
> Note on fishbones babies: my bud csquare came up with that idea and i have not been able to stop thinking about it since, undies having a baby with a papyrus donation, i mean idk how unlikely it is but can u imagine. theyd be such adorable monsters. theyd tear the kitchen apart. theyd be screaming all the time. tfw u hav a baby w/ ur platonic best friend, why not, why the hell not. Would there be memesquad siblings? I doubt it. I really don't think so. And there definitely won't be any bio soriel babies, sans isnt willing to put toriel through that again.
> 
> Regarding Flowey. He's not in this AU, because there was no place for him in this world. I have too much respect for canon Flowey's backstory. He has my favorite antagonist's backstory of all time, and there's just no way to humanize the horror of it. I knew this at the beginning of the story. So Asriel died Asriel in this AU.
> 
> The ending, the cemetery scene, to anyone who's read Inferior Blue it's pretty similar. That's because I live near a really nice cemetery that I also based Sans and Toriel's special hangout spot on.
> 
> I have a lot more to say about this story as a whole, but I'll save the rest of those notes for the epilogue. I want people to be able to comment on the chapter itself instead of my thoughts. So I'll share those and put the credits once I've had time to sort through all my feelings.
> 
> I have a lot of them.


	38. An Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 19 Year Later...  
> jk we all know in 19 years sans would be fukin dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, this one's really the end, folks. I can't believe I started this fic nearly a year ago.

You open your eyes.  Just a bit; enough to see the fuzzy grey of morning.  The sun glows softly from behind the curtain.  You blink slower, then slop, letting your eyelids droop again.  You kind of want to go back to sleep, you were dreaming a second ago, but you can’t remember what it was about.  You have a feeling it might have been a rare dream about the Underground.

Just as you start to drift off again, something warm and soft presses against your face, lifting you back into consciousness.  “Sans...” whispers a voice.

“Mmhhh...”

“You remember what today is, don’t you?”

You half-grunt.  “It’s time for school, sleepy bones!”

You chuckle tiredly into your pillow.  You feel Toriel’s hand touch your arm, you feel her leaning closer, and her lips brush your cheek again.  You shift your head to catch a couple more kisses.  “Are we a little more awake yet?” she asks softly.

You give the slightest shake of your head.  Your mouth betrays a smile.  Toriel kisses it.  You let yourself open your eyes so you can see her better.  Her unkempt hair, her pale skin, reddish eyes, and the wrinkles that have deepened around them from all the smiling they’d done lately.

“Tori...” you murmur.

“Hee hee, you look awake enough to me.”

“Nah...”  Tori leans down for another kiss.  You kiss her back.  She moves gradually away, you know what she’s doing, but you shift over anyway to keep catching her kisses.  Finally, she moves off the bed, standing a foot away from it.

“That’s cheating,” you mutter.

“You’ll have to get up if you want more,” says Toriel.  She waits, standing still until you move, shifting on the bed to push yourself into a sitting position.  Then, she allows herself to tear her eyes from you, walking over to her dresser to run a brush through her hair.  “I do not wish to rush you, but I have to put the pancakes on soon.  I want Frisk to have plenty of time to eat breakfast.”

“What time is it...”

“Oh we are not late, don’t worry, Frisk’s bus is not getting here for a while.”

You reluctantly push the heavy covers off yourself.  You can’t wait to get back underneath them tonight.  “They awake...?”

“Yes, I woke them up a few minutes ago.  They do need to get dressed a bit quicker, we’re only the third stop, so....”  She sighs.  “It will take a while to get used to the rush.  Now that Frisk is on the bus, that’s half an hour earlier they will have to be awake, it’s barbaric, I think, how early they make children wake up.”

You don’t think you caught all that.  You’re practically too groggy to move, but you do anyway, because pancakes sound good.  You hear a soft _thud._  You look toward the foot of the bed.  The cat chirps as she curls up on top of the soft pile of blankets you left her.  “Dammit Catsup,” you sigh, “come back later when I’m allowed to sleep.”

Toriel giggles and ruffles the cat’s fluffy head.  Catsup was Papyrus’s wedding gift to you and Toriel; she came from the same shelter you got Pupyrus at.  She’s a fluffy white ragdoll with black patches around her eyes.  Papyrus thought she reminded him of you.  She’s even got unusual eyes; one yellow, one blue.  Toriel thinks her heterochromia is beautiful.  You were going to just name her Ketchup until Toriel caught you just in time before you signed the adoption papers and told you what her true name was.  Sheberated you for days for your lack of creativity.

She’s just like you— she’s a fat, lazy piece of shit that eats all day, she has a deep, low meow, she’s surprisingly fast though, and loves to cuddle.  She gets along great with Pap’s dog, they get along... like siblings, really.  Toriel loves their dynamic more than anyone.  She thinks your pets are your real life familiars.  They may as well be.  If they weren’t different species, you’d think they were born from the same litter.

Toriel moves away from the cat before you can steal another kiss.  “Not till you get up, sweetie,” she says with a teasing smile.

The cat grins at you, reflecting your own shit-eating grin.  You sigh once more and stretch your arms before dangling your legs off the edge, and stepping down.  As soon as you put your weight on your bad foot, pain shoots up your leg like lightening.  You grimace and hiss through your teeth.

“Oh dear, Sans, are you alright?”

Toriel stretches out a steadying arm.  You pitch forward into it.  “Heh... nothing new...”

“Your leg again?  Oh no...”

“It’s okay,” you say.  “It’s pretty much been like this since I broke it.”

“But that was four years ago, we have gotten it looked at again and again, and it was your lower leg that broke,” Toriel says reasonably.  “It is always your hip area or back that hurts the most.”

“Eh, at least we’re always guaranteed a parking space.”

Thank Whoever for that little sign you can put on your car that lets you park in the handicapped parking spaces.  It’s almost worth it to have shit bones to be able to use it.

“Are you okay?  Should I get you some painkillers?”

“Nah, it’s fine.”  You gingerly lean your weight on your leg again.  It’s sore, but the pain isn’t as bad.  “Hey.”

“Mm?”

“Tori...” you whisper so quietly that she has to lean down.  You stand on your tiptoes and kiss her mouth.  “Heh...”

“Oh you,” Toriel sighs, and adds, “I did promise.”  She kisses you again, then more, you feel her start to lose herself, then she pulls away and says she really must put the pancakes on and check on Frisk.

“Last I checked they were just rolling out of bed,” she says.  “I must make sure they’re getting dressed.”

“Should I—”

“No no, we don’t have to get dressed for a while.”  She walks out, her nightgown swishing behind her.

You stretch again, till feeling comes back into your limbs.  You learned a couple stretches that were supposed to help with your back problems.  They were also supposed to help you slim down, but while Undyne’s training seemed to be working for Toriel and Alphys, nothing did much to reduce the size of your stomach.  You’re satisfied knowing it’s just the way you were built.  Poor Alphys though, Undyne and Mettaton work her too hard.  At least they reward her.  At least she’s happy.

You think you may wanna tidy up a bit before you join Toriel in the kitchen.  There’s some crap lying around, a couple of your socks and Toriel’s socks alike.  Your trombone’s lying in the corner.  Toriel’s way of waking you up this morning sure was nicer than when she woke you up with the trombone last year.  You fell out of bed and sprained your arm.  Toriel was horrified.  Papyrus wouldn’t speak to her for an hour.

You chuckle at the memory, and walk past the trombone.  It’ll never replace the old one; _nothing_ will replace the old one, but this one was gifted to you by Undies of all people.   _From one mediocre musician to another,_ she’d written in green shiny marker.  You managed to make one mediocre anime song cover, you did it for Alphys, but her approval was lackluster.  You’d both need a lot more practice.

You look briefly in the mirror and pat your hair.  There’s not much else you can do for it.  The smell of pancakes draws you out of your room.  You grab your cane from the wall and shuffle down the hall.  The doctors think you’ll be needing a walker in a few years at most.

A walker in five years, a hearing aid in ten; your hearing’s starting to go, too.  It’s all your bones.  You’ve accepted the inevitable years ago.  At least medical bills aren’t too big of a problem.  Not anymore.

You’d moved down to the first floor after you extended the house.  Not having stairs to deal with makes life infinitely easier until you have to chase Frisk around.  You’re not as quick as you used to be, and the kid keeps getting faster.

You turn into the kitchen at the end of the hall.  It’s the grandest room in the house.  Toriel had windows put in all around the room and in the ceiling to let in the sun.  Frisk is already sitting at the table, hunched over, their hair sticking out all over.  They look like they spent the morning standing in front of a leaf blower.

“Morning, Frisky bits.”  You take a seat next to Frisk.  They let out a wide yawn.  “I know.”  You pat their back.  “I know...”

It’ll be weird not to go to school with them.  You’ll be seeing them off in a few minutes before you and Toriel head to their old school to work your respective teaching jobs.

It was nice to teach Frisk for a year, you’ll miss it.  Eighth graders are a blast, specially since most of those kids already know you.

“Just a moment,” Toriel says from the stove, bending over her pancakes, “give it just less than a minute...  Frisk, angel, would you heat up the syrup?”

“Oh, while you’re up, kid,” you say, “go grab our vitamins.”

Frisk rolls their eyes and huffs.  Kid’s such a teenager.  You give their back a little shove till they stand.  They shuffle groggily over to the cabinet.  They open it without even having to stand on their toes.  Frisk— your own little Frisk, has been tall enough to reach the shelf without a stool for a while now.  They were your tiny little companion for the best part of a few months before they shot up like a weed, growing six inches in one year.

You still call ‘em squirt, though.  Some things’ll never change, even if Frisk grows up to be taller than their mom someday.

They come back and plunk two bottles down on the table.  They reach for the water jug and pour two glasses.  They hand one to you.  “Thanks,” you say, smiling gratefully.  You pop open your bottle and shake out your antidepressants.  Frisk takes out their vitamin D supplements.

You clink glasses and down your pills simultaneously.  You stare groggily ahead until Toriel finishes flipping pancakes onto a large china plate.  “Here you go, wait till I sit down first, will you?”  Frisk pauses on their way to digging in.  “Thank you, love.”

She grabs the coffee, places it on the table, and takes down a couple mugs.  She gives one to you.  You’re reminded of the teacup that sits on Papyrus’s shelf— the skull-shaped teacup Asgore gave him as his customary gift one Halloween when he saw it sitting in a window.

 _“I don’t believe it,”_ you’d told him when you saw it, _“Bones... that’s_ my _thing.”_  You knew Asgore gave themed cups to only his closest of friends, and the fact that Papyrus got one and you didn’t made you feel a little jealous, but you’d made him swear to keep quiet about it.  If Asgore knew how you felt, knowing him, poor guy would probably go out of his way to get you a matching teacup.

You’ve got your own collection of gifts now.  You’ve got a shelf in your closet full of little knick-knacks from past students: whoopee cushions, joy buzzers, party horns, and even a couple joke books.  You’re surprised you remember those kids— _all_ of them, but you remember the troublemaking assholes the most.  You appreciated them.

Your favorites were assholes, but they were hardly ever bullies.  Those were Undyne’s kids.  She wasn’t afraid to confront them and tell them off.  She went easy on them.  She sees herself in them.   _You know how I lost my eye?_ she asked one of your students in her gym class, and from him, you learned the story.  She was a terror, worse than the worst kids you and she had to put up with, no surprise there.  And one day, a victim of hers got fed up with her bullshit and fought back, sticking a pencil in her left eye.

And that was how she made her turnaround, from bully to defender of justice.  She and Toriel could agree that the bullies were either overly privileged or severely underprivileged.  So Undies took care of the bullies, while Toriel got help for the victims.

They make a great team.

“Frisk, do make sure to chew,” Toriel tells Frisk, delicately cutting her own pancake.

Frisk slows down and swallows half a pancake in one huge gulp.  You jerk yourself out of your thoughts and grab some syrup to drizzle on your pancake.  “It seems like just yesterday I took you to school for the first time,” Toriel sighs.  “You are so big now, I hardly recognize you.”

Frisk raises their eyebrows.  “I think it’s the haircut,” you supply.  A week before Frisk started school, they chopped off the hair they’d been growing for the past three years since you recommended they try out a new hairstyle.  Toriel was devastated.  She’d been planning to braid their hair like hers.

“Please, would you try to fix your hair before you leave...?”

Frisk squints their eyes.  “Stop bein’ such a teenager,” you say, grinning at them.  Frisk shoves another forkful of pancake into their mouth.  They take another one.

“Eat slower, dearest one.”

 _‘I’m hungry,’_ Frisk signs.

“Well, give yourself a chance to digest.  Have some water.”

Frisk refills their cup to please her.  They look at your coffee.  They tap you on the shoulder.   _‘Can I take coffee?’_

“Ask your mother.”

 _‘Mom,’_ they sign.  They repeat the question.

“Oh, you’re all grown up now, I don’t see why not!”

Frisk grins.  “Allow me,” you say, and fill their cup with plain black coffee.  You plunk it down in front of them with a wink.  Frisk takes an eager sip and gags at the taste.  They spit it back in the cup.  You and Toriel share a short laugh at their expense.  “Would you like to try it with milk?” Toriel asks kindly.

Frisk shakes their head, still scowling at the taste.

Toriel’s Mom.  She’s been Mom since before she adopted the kid, and even though you’re the legal male guardian, you’ve never once been Dad.  You’ve been anticipating the day, dreading it, but even several of your students have accidentally gotten there first.

You’re okay with that.  Everyone else has a title, there’s Uncle Papyrus, Aunt Undyne and Alphys, even Mettaton’s Uncle Mettaton.  Napstablook needed a new word; you came up with Ankle.  You’re proud of that title, though Frisk almost never spells it out.

Asgore doesn’t have a title either.  To Frisk, you’re just your names.

As you eat, Toriel rambles on about how big Frisk is getting, how exciting this is.  “Highschool already,” she exclaims.  “Sans, can _you_ believe it?”

“Eh, I’m savin’ the waterworks till we send ‘em off to college.”  You turn to Frisk.  “Listen, Friskers, I probably shouldn’t be the one to give you advice for havin’ a good highschool experience.  But when you go to college, make sure to get a good roommate.  That’s the best tip I can give you on how to make it.”

 _‘I’m not in college yet,’_ Frisk signs.

“But you will be before you know it,” says Toriel.  “And these four years of your life are some of the most important years you will be looking back on, though I suppose I do not have to tell you that...”  She looks away.  “You will hear every one of your teachers giving you the very same speech once you get to school.”

“Welp, here’s a speech you’re hopefully not gonna have to get from any of ‘em,” you say.  “Try and tone it down with the flirting.”

Frisk smiles.  “Don’t give me that look, squirt.  Your poor mom’s already got a reputation at your old school from your shenanigans.”

_‘I thought I’d get all those kids’ numbers so we could prank call them.’_

You steal a glance at Toriel.  The look she gives you isn’t a pleased one.  It’s quite the opposite.  “We’ll talk later, kiddo.  For now though, don’t be like me, try and play it safe.  Like Uncle Pap told you.”

“Speaking of Papyrus, is he going to send Frisk off with us?” Toriel asks.

“Uhh... nah, I don’t think so.  Think like Frisky his shift’s starting earlier from now on.”  Frisk’s shoulders slump.  They look forward to seeing their uncle in the mornings before school, accepting his lunch bag covered in sticky notes.  Under Toriel’s tutelage, he’s gotten better at cooking.  Besides, the whole family usually has something to contribute: a pastry from Toriel, a salad from Undyne, riceballs from Alphys.

“Yknow, I don’t know if I told you this, but I actually got in trouble from those prank calls,” you tell Frisk.  “So uhh... yeah, tone it down a bit.”

As you speak, Frisk gazes at their reflection in the back of a spoon and tries to flatten their hair.  You sigh and pat them on the back.  That kinship, you’ve still got it between you, that secret past binding you together.  But the Underground rarely comes up anymore.  If it does, it’s usually as the punchline of a weird inside joke that even you two don’t really get these days.

After Frisk first started school, as you predicted, they stopped talking about the other world much, since they had plenty other new troubles to worry about.  When they realized they were slowly forgetting, it tore them up inside.  Little by little, as they slowly recovered, they forgot more and more.  They could still recall the events of the place from the notes and illustrations they had written down, but they forgot the details like anyone would after having been gone for a long time.

Sometimes, they find it a little strange that they seem to know and love everyone so much.  Is it really because they knew them in a past life, they’d wonder, or just because they were all friends and family?  You told them it was both.  They stopped worrying about it.

Three years may have passed in the blink of an eye, but for a kid, eleven to fourteen was a huge amount of time.  Frisk grew up.  They moved on.  Hit puberty and started worrying about hormones and aching joints instead of flowers and possessive ghosts.

You think you and Asgore took the burden for them.  He decided to become a gardener when he learned of Frisk’s story.  They knew they’d never find their friend, but he told them he’d take it upon himself to care for every flower he met from then on.

You two don’t talk about it much.  You hardly talk at all.  You wish you could; you’d still like to be friends.  You’d see him in passing, in Grillby’s, visiting his unofficially-adopted daughter and ex-scientist.

The last time you saw the man, he was carrying Drunk Bunny on his back.  She’d relapsed.  “She’s very sick,” he told you gently, “but still conscious, don’t worry, Sans.  I’m bringing her home.”  She’d groaned into his hair.  Asked him to take her to the Capital instead so she could be with him forever.  He continued to mutter kind reassurances to her as he carried her down the street, down to the bakery where her sisters were waiting.

Buns really likes him.  Hamster swore to disown her if things got serious.  You’re personally in full support of this.  Drunk Buns and Fluffybuns, you’ll be happier than anyone if this turns out how you hope.

You remember the flower, too.  Your long-gone enemy Flowey, and the phantom Chara no version of you ever knew.  You find yourself absently doodling flowers on the corners of test papers while you grade them from time to time.  Luckily, you always use pencil.

In the present, your somewhat untroubled kid takes one last gulp of water and stands up.  “Are you finished?” asks Toriel.  “Please take Sans’s plate too, dear.”

Frisk picks up your plate, and decides to take their mom’s too.  Toriel gushes, “Oh, thank you so much, my sweet angel of kindness and mercy and verisimilitude—”

“Of what now,” you ask.

“Of what...?  Oh, nevermind me...”

“What do you say to your mom,” you ask Frisk.  They put the plates down next to the sink and sign, _‘Thank you.’_

After Toriel makes sure Frisk’s face is clean and their hands are washed and their hair looks decent, you and she walk them out the door.  Toriel gushes more about how tall they are and how proud she is.

It hits you with a pang: after seven pregnancies, this is the first kid she’s sending to high school.

The bus stop is at the corner of Evergreen Lane.  You share a bus stop with the Slimes and the other kids on the street.  You wait in the sun, Toriel shielding herself with her parasol.  Finally, a loud _whoosh_ cuts through the air and brings Frisk’s bus with it.  It screeches to a halt in front of you.

“Oh dear, do you have everything?” Toriel asks.  “Lunch?”   _Nod._  “Books?  Snack?”   _Nod.  Nod._  “I love you.”  Toriel kisses them on the head as the door slides open.

Frisk hugs their mom tight while the other kids watch.  They turn to you.  You clap them hard on the shoulder.  “Lemme give you one last piece of advice,” you say.  “This day, it’s not as big of a deal as everyone’s making it out to be.  You’re gonna be fine.”   _Nod._  “And if you wind up getting me ‘n your mom in trouble again… you’re gonna have a bad time.”  Frisk smiles and rolls their eyes.  “Heh... good luck.”

Frisk gives you one last salute, then turns around.  They bounce up the stairs, and your neighbors follow.  “Goodbye!” Toriel calls out.  “Have fun!”

“Yeah,” you add.

The door slides shut.  With an obnoxious rumble, the bus slowly starts moving.  You stand next to Toriel, watching it.

The other parents who’ve come outside to send off their kids turn to go back to their houses.  You and Toriel stand still, eyes glued to the bus ambling down the road.  Her hand brushes yours.

“Knock knock,” Toriel says so softly you nearly miss it.

“Who’s there,” you answer instinctively.

“Dishes.”

Your heart leaps.  You smile, closing your eyes.  “Dishes who?”  You look up at Toriel.  She isn’t looking at you, she still watches the bus carrying her child away to start their own life.

“Dishes too good to be true.”

You snort.  You hold tight to your cane, keeping yourself standing while you double over laughing.  “Way to ruin the moment, oh my god, that was awful.”  Toriel’s face betrays a smile, like she knows.  “Heh...”  You straighten up, watching the bus roll further and further down the street.  How cheesy, you could keep laughing, if you did, you’d both be in stitches.  But then you’d wind up taking your eyes off Frisk to gaze laughing into each other’s eyes.

You and Toriel giggle a bit more, watching the street, until Frisk’s bus turns the corner and disappears from view.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last year, in October, I was going through a pretty hard time. I was stuck, trapped in a toxic place run by toxic people. I had my own personal Gaster plaguing me and making life hell. I discovered Undertale when I needed it most. I'd seen the skeletons on the internet, but I didn't think I'd get into it till I heard Megalovania was a track in the game. That caught my interest, I've been a fan of the track for years. Then I found out the game was made by Toby Fox, and I was sold. However any of us feel about Homestuck, we all gotta admit the soundtrack rocks our fucking socks.
> 
> I loved the game from day 1. I first fell in love with Toriel, and cried at the notion that anyone could possibly kill her. (Later I did this eagerly, but I still cried.) Then I fell in love with Sans, and he was my favorite along with the rest of the fandom. But they way they portrayed him really irked me.
> 
> What annoyed me most was how the Undertale fandom portrayed depression. They didn't seem to know that it doesn't simply make one a woobie, and also, Sans is not the only character who's depressed. Way before I thought of Feeling Bonely, I wanted to write a fic about Sans that would show people what depression looks like: at least how I experienced it. I came up with the title "Feeling Bonely" originally for a soriel fic I never wound up writing, about the neutral ending where Sans goes to live with Toriel after Undyne usurps her. But I never really came up with a story for that.
> 
> I'm really so, so grateful I managed to help so many people learn more about depression. I never expected to accomplish that. I also never expected to finish a story this long.
> 
> Before the thank yous, a couple notes:
> 
> ABOUT SIGN LANGUAGE: At the start of this, I had no idea how ASL worked. So I wrote it completely inaccurately. Since then, I started taking sign language classes, and at least after half a semester I know how the grammar structure works.
> 
> ABOUT DEPRESSION: This is the most important note. This fic is not a guide for overcoming depression: it was a personal story that I wrote for fun and to cope. Notice how romance didn't cure Sans's depression, hard work and meds and his friends and family were what helped him worked through it, and he still suffers today from past scars. Things don't magically get better overnight, but for Sans, his hardships brought him great friends, and to a much happier place. Remember though, it took a long time. Anyone and everyone can do it. And there is no shame in asking for help.
> 
> About Papyton: bein on the fence about papyton myself, you can decide for yourselves whether they're together or not. What I will say is that Mettaton's an active member of Frisk's family along with Napstablook, so he's close to the Bones-Peixes-Serkets, whatever his relationship status with Papyrus is.
> 
> I need to thank my friend Anna (AKA bretelgeuse) for listening to me when I first started rambling to her about the idea to her on tumblr. I'd also like to thank Bay and Christmeme for helping me with puns and other ideas near the start. Thank you Sol and Laura for your additional voices, and of course, my Breast Friend for being the roommate that kept me sane through our hellish journey. Thank you Sara: you were my Alphys.
> 
> Thank you additionally to my mom and Bubby Sunny for following the story and supporting me. It means a lot, even if a lot of the internet culture is ahead of your time.
> 
> Thank you everyone who commented, even the critics, I appreciate your input as well, whatever I may have said, bc I'm just feelin great right now. Thank you to the fanartists, everyone who came up with the ideas that I took, we all wrote this story together.
> 
> After my last long fic, I didn't think I could do this again. All the support I got made it possible, next I hope to get my own book with my own original characters published!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr: zeezeepearl, to ask me any questions you still have or tag me in drawings.
> 
> And how could I forget, thank you Toby Fox, you're a humble man who's changed millions of lives for the better.
> 
> EDIT: If you wouldn't mind, please answer some questions?  
> If you're the type of person who wants to comment but doesn't know what to say (and this applies also to the ppl who usually comment yo) Tell me your favorite character (bonus if it's different from canon), chapter, relationship, and why. Also, when did you start the story, what drew you to it, and what made you continue? (came for the ___ stayed for the ___)

**Author's Note:**

> I've fallen in love with this new human AU that came into my mindbrain. I'll add more tags with each new character that shows up.  
> zeezeepearl.tumblr.com for inconsistent updates!!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Got food poisoning? Could B. cereus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11355972) by [C Square (Emiko842)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emiko842/pseuds/C%20Square)




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